


Rewrite the future

by Rosemary91



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 84
Words: 188,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24594046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosemary91/pseuds/Rosemary91
Summary: What happens after Charlotte returns to Willingden? And will Sidney learn to live with the situation he's in and be the best version of himself for Charlotte's sake? Maybe after all there is a way to rewrite the future and live happily ever after.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 923
Kudos: 1266





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :)  
> This is my first attempt at fanfiction and I'm not a native speaker so please forgive any misspellings or grammatical mistakes. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing and imagining it.  
> Love Rosemary91

"I would rather suffocate myself! You won't hear anything from me!", Georgiana spited.  
Sidney sighed. "Please, I just need to know if she's fine. It's been six weeks since the last letter to Mary. She seems to write more frequently to you, as you receive a letter from her every fortnight".   
"Well, maybe that is because you and your family treated her in the most -", Georgiana started to say, when Sidney stopped her:"I know. I heard your hateful speech more than once!".  
"Then why do you keep asking?".  
"I had hoped you'd come to your senses".  
"She is nothing to you! Why would I tell you how she feels or what is keeping her busy these days. Maybe there even is a new man in her life, someone courting her. You shall never know. At least not from my lips", Georgiana exclaimed.   
Sidney sighed again. Charlotte was everything to him. And to hear that she might be loved by someone else made him of course jealous. But the most important thing to him was that she would be happy. He never intended to break her precious heart. And yet he did. The worst part was that she even understood why and somehow encouraged him to save his family. She would never put herself first. And so one of the few last spoken sentences between him and her was "I understand". It echoed in his mind over and over again. Accompanied by her sob. He hated himself for causing this pure soul so much pain.  
"Would you leave now please, I have a letter to write", Georgiana's voice pulled him away from his thoughts.   
As soon as he had left, Georgiana went to her desk. She couldn't understand why he kept asking. He obviously wasn't enough in love with Charlotte to marry her. Why bother and keep an interest in her wellbeing? Sidney Parker was a really strange man. And she detested him for all he had done - making everyone around him unhappy and feel miserable. Although she had to admit that he himself looked also miserable since the announcement of his engagement to Mrs. Campion. Oh, how much she hated that woman. But thankfully the hatred was mutual. Mrs. Campion was already trying to talk Sidney into paying someone else to be her guardian so that he could be completely free of this burden. But as it was her father's last wish they were stuck together for the next year and a half. And Mrs. Campion would have to endure it. Georgiana planned on making it especially unbearable for her. But enough of that wicked couple. Back to her beloved Charlotte. 

Sidney was still deep in thoughts when Tom entered the room. "Sidney, splendid! I just had a wonderful idea. You know I always wanted a pagoda, but - well - due to my financial situation I wasn't able to effort it. Now that everything is settled we just need Eliza's consent to build one. Young Stringer will be thrilled", Tom stopped at once after he took a closer look. Sidney didn't look well. He was staring into the fire. And seemed to be miles away. Moreover he was pale and lost weight since the last time he had seen him. Tom touched his shoulder. Sidney slowly gazed at him.  
"Oh, brother. I did not hear you come in".  
How odd. It seemed that Sidney hadn't heard anything of his new plans. What was wrong with him? He was about to marry his long lost love who would by the way save Sanditon. Unless ...they had an argument or fight.   
"Sidney are you allright?".  
"Why would you ask?".  
"You do not seem to be yourself. You're absentminded. Did something happen between Eliza and you? Is her fortune for our use at risk?".  
Sidney gave a fake laugh. "Is that all that matters to you, Tom? That my wedding is definitely taking place in order to restore this town? Well, rest assured. Nothing happened. All seems to be according to the initial plan".   
Unfortunately, Sidney thought additionally. If it was in his power, he wouldn't be on this path. He would be happily married to his beloved Charlotte and he would strive every day to make her the happiest woman on earth. For she deserved nothing less.   
"And for the pagoda - write to her and see what she thinks. It still is her money and not mine to decide", Sidney added while he arouse from the chair and left the room. First he thought he had imagined Tom talking about a pagoda, but when his brother put his hand on his shoulder, he realised that he really was in the study with him. He needed to see Mary or the children. Whenever he was with them he somehow felt close to Charlotte. No more talk of Sanditon, fortunes or Eliza. 


	2. Chapter 2

Sidney heard voices out of the nursery and opened the door to step into the room. Nobody paid attention to him. The children were listening attentively to Mary who seemed to be reading a letter out loud to them. 

"And Henry, whenever you hear thunder and you are scared think of the giant monkey living in the clouds who plays his drum to awake every animal. And then the animals have a great feast and laugh and dance in the forest. Alicia and Jenny, I really love the drawings you have sent me. I must admit your skills are much improved. I am so proud of you. And as soon as I visit again, you must show me how well you both play the piano forte now. I miss all of you dearly and I send you a lot of kisses, hugs and a round of tickling, which your mama will kindly deliver to you. Love always. Your Charlotte Heywood"

And Mary did as Charlotte wished. While Henry was still giggling from being tickled he looked up and screamed: "Uncle Sidney!".  
Mary suddenly stopped and looked alarmed at him.   
"So, she finally wrote to you, too", Sidney noticed.   
Mary's facial expression went from alarm to guilt. That was the new expression she put on whenever Charlotte was the topic.   
"Yes, she did. The children are always happy to hear from her. As we all are I suppose. What brings you here, Sidney? Do you need anything?",now she looked concerned.   
"Am I not allowed to spend time with my nieces and nephews? I want to join the tickling", and with that he came right up to the children and tickled them. They all had a great laugh and afterwards uncle Sidney stayed to play pirate and princess with them.   
"I miss Charlotte. If she was here she could be the princess and uncle Sidney could be the pirate who first wants to rob her and then falls in love with her and they will marry", Jenny suddenly said innocently.  
Sidney and Mary froze. Sidney cleared his voice and asked: "What makes you say that, Jenny? Why would the pirate fall in love with the princess?".   
"Because she is beautiful, friendly, kind and she plays with us. That pretty lady you'll marry never plays with us. Once I wanted to give her little James and she said 'take it away from me' to her maid. I do not like her!".   
Sidney had to bite his lip in order to contain the urge of laughing. He should have been angry with her for being so disrespectful, but she was also right. And in this moment she reminded him so much of Charlotte. Speaking her mind and so accurately. Thank lord Mary took the task upon her to scold her daughter. So Sidney could think of the princess and the pirate. It was quite fitting. Well he never wanted to rob her. Later maybe rob her a kiss, a touch, a glance. But in the beginning he just wanted to ignore her and never let her in.  
She was the only one to openly criticize him, scold him and even insult him. And that was quite refreshing. It was after the first ball when she met him on the street and tried to clarify things between them that he had realised that she would be dangerous. She would have the power to shatter the wall he had build for a decade around him into pieces. And she did.  
Sidney had to smile at the thought of her shouting at him on the street. Not flinching back. Mary noticed his smile.  
"I'm sorry, Sidney".   
"Please stop apologising, Mary. It is not your fault and I am happy to help".   
"But at what price? She is not fine at all. She writes spirited but between the lines I can read her pain. I'm not sure I can bear it any longer".   
"I wish she had never fallen in love with me. If it was only my pain alone. Somehow I still hope for a miracle. But actually I don't deserve that. I hope she will forget me soon and give her heart to someone more worthy of her". 


	3. Chapter 3

It was freezing cold and the whole forest lied beneath a white cloak, which was glistening in the winter sun. The air was cool and fresh, mind-clearing.  
Just what Charlotte needed this morning. It had been five days since she had last dreamt of him. And just this night he sneaked himself into her dreams again.  
She was exhausted and frustrated by her weakness and took up her pace. 

A few moments later she caught herself humming the melody of the shared dance in London. Charlotte shook her head and sighed deeply. Oh what was to become of her?! She couldn't go on like this forever. Pretending in front of her parents and younger siblings, the neighbours and everyone else except Alison that she was alright. Only to find herself thinking endlessly of Sidney and all their shared moments. Even their fights were a fond memory now - how much she missed even their verbal duels! She would give anything to have him back in her life. But she knew that this was absolutely impossible. Neither of them could bare to see Tom ruined. Not to mention all the workers of Sanditon who would lose their livelihood. No, Sidney did the right thing. Of course it hurt a lot that of all people it was Eliza Campion he had to marry to save Sanditon and his family. But on second thought she was happy for him. He loved Mrs. Campion once and he might do so soon again. He loved her for years. Whereas she herself was only an acquaintance of a few months. Maybe he had already forgotten her. She just wanted him to be happy again. The day she left he looked so devasted when he closed the carriage’s door. And yet she utterly hoped that he would recover soon. A little consolation was the fact that Mrs. Campion - soon to be Mrs. Sidney Parker - loved him and that she would treat him well. He shall have a happy life with a loving wife, children and grateful siblings, Charlotte kept praying for him. And her own heart would heal some time soon she was hoping. 

She didn't want to be drowned by her feelings. That rock on her chest. The tears that would just stream down her face uncontrollable. Somehow Charlotte was shocked what a great impact Sidney had on her. There were so many other beautiful things on this earth worth living for. Why was it so hard to distance herself from him. She was determined to keep their freshly blossoming love in good memory and to be grateful that she was actually chosen by him. That he preferred her over any London lady. That he must have loved her enough to be willing to offer her marriage. He never told her in words that he loved her but why else would he wish to make her his wife?  
She had no money, no connections, nothing material to recommend her.

"Stop it, Charlotte! All your thoughts are in vain! You must find your peace with the current situation", she said aloud to herself. She would ask Georgiana for the wedding date and afterwards she would try to forget him as a possible lover and just consider him a dear friend and Tom's brother. Nothing more! That seemed to be a good plan to her. 

Charlotte looked up to the sun to catch a bit of its warmth. She smiled when the sunrays caressed her face softly. After two hours of walking in the forest she decided to head back home for it was soon to be dark. She wondered if her mother and father would greet her again with that worried look on their faces. Her mother tried only once to find out what was troubling her. But as soon as she realised that Charlotte wasn't ready to share her story she never mentioned it again. Her mother was a very soft woman with a pure heart. She would wait until Charlotte would come to her to confide in her. And yet she couldn't suppress the sorrow she felt everytime she saw the sadness in Charlotte's eyes. Charlotte felt miserable for causing her parents sorrow of any kind. But she was an open book. Everyone could read her feelings in her eyes - no matter how much she tried to hide it. She sighed again and touched a frozen leaf. 

Suddenly she heard children scream. They were calling for help! Charlotte gathered her dress and ran into the direction of the screams. A few moments later she found herself at the edge of a small lake. Oh no! 


	4. Chapter 4

Sidney was really annoyed now. Today they were invited to Lady Denham's in order to welcome Lord and Lady Babbington back from traveling the continent. She insisted on Miss Lambe's coming. And now he had received a note from Mrs Griffiths that Georgiana seemed to have lost her mind.

"Miss Lambe packed her belongings and wanted to leave Sanditon immediately", the note said further. 

He made his way to Mrs Griffiths' lodgings and found her in the corridor in front of Georgiana's room.   
"Oh thank Lord, Mr Parker! We are all in great distress. Miss Lambe received a letter this morning and afterwards she wasn't the same. She started crying and packing. When I asked what the matter is she would sob and keep on saying 'must leave' and 'Willingden'!".

Sidney needed to hear no more. He nearly pushed Mrs Griffiths away in order to enter Georgiana's room. His heart was racing. There was only one person they both loved in Willingden.   
Georgiana was sitting on her bed and staring on the wall. She was still sobbing and tears ran down her face. She slowly looked at him when he entered and then ran into his arms only to keep on crying harder. Sidney was more alarmed now and expected the worst.   
"Georgiana, what is it?", he asked her with trembling voice. She handed him a letter while still crying at his chest. 

'Dearest Miss Lambe,  
it is with great grief that I, Alison Heywood - Charlotte Heywood's sister- must inform you that Charlotte has fallen gravely ill. A fever and a suspected chest infection. She rescued a little boy from drowning in a frozen lake. But as he lives 2 miles in the opposite direction to our home she had to walk the distance twice in soaking wet clothes and through the snow. By the time she arrived home her clothes were frozen and stuck on her body. Her skin was as pale as the snow surrounding us and her lips were deep blue. The same night the fever started. We tried everything in our power and suppose it is only a matter of days until our beloved Charlotte will leave us forever. Mama instructed me to inform everyone who was fond of Charlotte to have a last chance for a good bye. Would you please pass the content of this letter to the Parker family and to Mr. Stringer? I still have to write a letter to Lady Susan Worcester and I would much rather spend every minute with my sister (as you may understand) than write separate letters to the Parkers and Mr. Stringer. I hope you receive this letter in good health.   
Yours sincerely Alison Heywood'

The letter dropped out of Sidney's hand. He could barely hold back the tears.   
"This can't be true!", he mumbled.   
Georgiana now stepped away from him. "Please, let me go. I need to see her as soon as possible. I promise afterwards I'll do whatever you wish and will never try to fight against you. Please, Sidney! She's the only real friend I have on this stupid island. Please!". 

Sidney covered his eyes with one hand. He needed to press back the tears that were about to stream out and he needed a moment to think. His chest felt heavy and he kept his breathing flat. But he had to gather himself to keep a clear head and think about the next steps. 

After a few moments of silence he said: "Prepare yourself for leaving in approximately half an hour. I'll have to make sure my business is settled before we leave" 

"We? Are you going to accompany me?"

"Yes, of course! I'm your guardian!"

"But she means nothing to you - and what will your wife say?!".

Sidney formed a fist with both hands und replied between gritted teeth: "She's not my wife! And Charlotte ...I lost her once without clarifying everything and I won't let her go a second time without doing so"

"Do you really think that is a good idea?!". 

He couldn't answer her question. For he simply did not know. All he knew in that moment was that he needed to see her and to tell her how much he loved her and that he'll never stop to do so. Sidney lowered his hand and uncovered his eyes.   
"Half an hour. I'll give Mrs. Griffiths orders to wait in front of the door with you. We must not waste time!", and with that he rushed out of her room. He talked to Mrs. Griffiths and then went immediately to Dr. Fuchs in order to convince him to accompany Georgiana and him to Willingden. He needed to make sure that nothing would be left undone to help Charlotte survive. Dr. Fuchs was honoured to help the young lady that assisted him once so capable. But he still had a few patients to attend to why he was to follow afterwards in making his way to Willingden. 

On his way to Trafalgar House Sidney stopped at the foreman's office to inform Mr. Stringer briefly. By speaking it out loudly and witnessing Mr Stringer's deep affection Sidney felt tears tickling in his eyelids and he asked Mr. Stringer if he wished to come with them for he knew how fond Charlotte was of him. And Charlotte's wishes and wellbeing were his current priority. 

"Thank you, Sir. But we are expecting new material to arrive from Derbyshire. And I'm to overlook everything. Believe me, Sir, I can't express how much I truly wish to accompany you. I can't believe that she ...that she.... that she might soon not be", his voice broke away and one single teardrop escaped his eyes. He gulped and continued: "You know, Sir, I never understood why you chose that other lady over her. Forgive me for speaking so bluntly. But Charlotte is one in a million. And she gave you her precious heart. If I had been lucky enough to receive such a gift from her I would have given her the world. Of course I couldn't really start courting her after I saw how she looked at you. I might have -"

"Please, Mr. Stringer! The whole situation is painful enough. All I can tell you is that I do know how fortunate I am to have been gifted with her affection. But the odds haven't been in our favour. I must leave now. Excuse me!" 

Mr. Stringer looked very confused. "Wait, Sir! If she really ...leaves us forever would you please inform me? At least I have to pay my last respect"   
"Of course. Good day!". 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your feedback so far! I am absolutely overwhelmed. 
> 
> It is my week of nightshifts right now (so I don't have a lot of time during day and night) and I had to decide between answering your comments or posting a chapter. I went with the chapter and hope you're fine with that. Otherwise let me know and I'll get back to your comments as soon as possible.  
> Sorry.
> 
> Addition: sorry for the delay ...NICU is always full of surprises.

“Oh how tragic. No! We can’t lose her!”, Mary exclaimed when Sidney explained why he had to leave in a few minutes. She started crying and had to sit down. Tom was standing by the fireplace and leaned on the mantlepiece. His face was pale.  
After a few moments of silence he cleared his throat: “Of course we all must go immediately. Charlotte is family. She was the one who provided me with good ideas and the only other person who loves Sanditon as much I do. We have to support her and her family by all means”

“And what about the business? Mr. Stringer told me that you are all waiting for new material to arrive”, Sidney asked him. 

Tom seemed torn, he started to walk up and down.  
Sidney sighed and made an offer: “Why don’t you let Georgiana and me go on our own and as soon as we arrive I will write a letter and let you know about her condition. And then you can soon follow or take your time”.

“But you said her sister expected it to be a matter of days? So she might already be very close to-“.

“Don’t you dare speak of that! Dr. Fuchs will pay his visit and I hope he will help her survive this. We will not give up. We must hope and pray that her health will be restored and that we’ll never lose her. Did I made myself clear enough?”.

“Yes. Yes, of course. You’re right. She’s still very young and is gifted with a healthy constitution. We must believe that all will be well”, Tom smiled a sad smile which did not reach his eyes.  
Mary seemed to be in shock. She could not bring herself up to say anything. She was consumed with concern – and guilt. If Charlotte had not left, she would never have been at that lake to rescue the boy. But then again a little boy might have drowned. Oh, it was all too much. Her dear friend was a true heroine. Always saving the day, wherever she was. What a dull place the world would be without her. Mary could no longer hold back the sobbing and a lot more tears. Tom rushed to her to take her in his arms and comfort her. 

"Excuse me, Mary, but I have to leave to inform Lady Denham why Georgiana and I will not attend her luncheon. Shall I tell her that you need to gather yourself and that you'll be a bit late?". 

"Yes. Yes, that shall do!", Tom answered absent mindedly.   
Sidney hugged both of them and left. 

He rushed over to Sanditon House and conveyed the tragic news.   
"Oh it's been two years now since the last time a young woman died out of grief. Poor Miss Heywood, I thought her to be stronger", Lady Denham started but was interrupted by Lord Babbington: "Lady Denham! You heard Sidney, she rescued a boy from drowning".

"Yes, she was always very noble. Well, but maybe she wouldn't have risked her life if she knew that someone was still desperately in love with her, would she, Mr. Parker?", Lady Denham raised one eyebrow. 

Sidney gulped. How did she know about their feelings for each other? "Excuse me, mylady. We have no time to lose and I must be on my way now", a short nod towards the ladies and then he turned to leave. 

He found Georgiana already waiting in front of the lodgings as instructed. As soon as she was seated in the carriage they drove off. The first half an hour they drove in silence. Each of them busy with their own thoughts. Georgiana started crying again and said with a broken voice: "I will never forget the day we became friends. It was after that dreadful luncheon. We talked about how much we feel as strangers in Sanditon. And the last thing she told me was 'we can survive this, Miss Lambe' ". 

"You must tell her this. Perhaps it encourages her to survive. We must try all we can to keep her alive", Sidney instructed her. 

"You know ...in her letters she would always defend you. Despite her hurt feelings she was still convinced of your good heart and character. I didn't want to tell you how much she suffers because I thought that you might take pleasure in her agony. But seeing you like this ... I don't know what to think anymore", Georgiana looked at him directly. 

Sidney sighed and explained: "I cannot tell you why I'm engaged to Mrs. Campion. But believe me when I tell you that Charlotte would already be my wife if it was in my power!".   
"So you really love her. And yet you let her go back to Willingden?".  
A sad look and a short nod was Sidney's answer. Georgiana knew that he wouldn't continue the conversation and stared out of the window. They continued the journey in silence. At some point Georgiana eventually fell asleep.   
Sidney was consumed by sorrow. He desperately wished that Charlotte was still alive and that she would recover. He imagined her being angry with him for neglecting his brotherly duties by coming to Willingden and he felt a little smile on his lips. She was so impulsive - just as him. They surely were an explosive combination and yet he would rather argue and fight with Charlotte than lose her. He simply couldn't imagine a life without her. 

The sun was slowly setting down and suddenly it was dark given the surrounding trees which hid the last sunlight from them. Sidney could not await to arrive. While he was excited to see her again he was also very anxious and afraid what a state they might find her in. He could actually feel that she was still alive. If she was already gone he would have known for his heart would have stopped beating too. He was convinced of that.  
Georgiana was still sleeping. Every now and then she would mumble something in her sleep. She looked so much younger now. He suddenly felt the deep urge to protect her as a father or brother would do. He could not have her lose her best friend. She would never recover from such a loss. And neither would he! He sighed again. How complicated everything was and all of it was robbing his energy. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Maybe he could catch a bit of sleep. 

"Sidney! Sidney, wake up! We arrived at last", Georgiana was shaking him slightly. He opened his eyes and was confused by the darkness. He glanced out of the window and realised that they were standing in front of a farmer's house. Only two windows were lit. Sidney took a look at his pocket-watch only to see that it was inappropriate to knock on the Heywood's door at midnight. 

"As much as I would like to storm in I suppose we have to wait until the morning. Maybe the inn has still some rooms to spare". 

"I cannot leave without knowing for sure if she is still alive!"

"I'm sure they'll have news at the inn. If we go in now we might disturb and alarm them. Moreover we would be a burden as they would see fit that we are comfortable. We would rob them of moments they could share with her". 

Georgiana seemed to agree since she sighed and looked desperately to the house. It was as Sidney had suspect. The inn was well informed about Charlotte's state of health and there seemed to be no other topic. How Charlotte rescued that boy and many other stories how she had once slapped a boy in front of the church (who was now a handsome young man) when he attempted to kiss her. How she had helped old Harry to participate in life again by nursing him when he had a serious injury. That must be why she was so calm and capable whilst the incidence with old Stringer. All those stories only made him miss her more. If he hadn't been already so much and irrevocably in love with her he would have fallen for her by now. While he took comfort in the stories Georgiana seemed to suffer. She had started crying again the first time her name was mentioned at the inn. Every now and then the villagemen would pause and toast a drink to Charlotte's rapid and complete recovery. After the rooms were finally ready for them (that was the reason they had to stay in the public parlour in the first place) they headed towards them.  
Suddenly something stroke Sidney's mind. "Forgive me, I did not ask you if you are hungry, Georgiana. We haven't eaten since breakfast and I can not expect you to have lost your appetite as I have". 

She looked at him in confusion. "Do you expect me truly to think of food after the men told us that it is indeed very serious? And that even the priest visited the family twice a day in order to make sure that Charlotte will have an easy transition into the world after in case she still needs to confess sins or anything else". 

"But she is still alive and fighting. That is good news. We must not lose hope! Be ready at 7 for I plan to knock on their door at 8:00 o'clock exactly". 

Georgiana curtsied in agreement and then entered her room for this night.  
Sidney was sure that he would not sleep this night given the deep sorrow he felt. But in the end his exhaustion took over and he even managed to sleep three hours. Although he was tortured by nightmares throughout the night. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay!

After a light breakfast in the morning Sidney and Georgiana left the inn in silence. On their arrival there was another carriage in front of the house. Another visitor must have arrived too. Sidney descended the carriage, straightened his back and helped Georgiana out of it. She looked very worried and had already a hint of tears glistening in her eyes. Sidney put his hand on her left shoulder and she glanced up to him. 

"Shall we take our time until we enter? Would you like to gather yourself?", Sidney asked with a soft voice which resulted in more tears from Georgiana.  
But she shook her head and explained: "I'd rather get done with. I have to be strong and hopeful in order to encourage her. I'm just afraid that she's worse than my nightmares". 

"Me, too. Believe me. And yet we have to face her and try to help her and her family in every possible way". 

They exchanged a last determined look at each other to strenghthen themselves and Sidney knocked on the door three times.  
After a few moments a little boy (approximately at the age of 5 years) opened the door and kept staring at them. It seems he would have never seen a coloured person for could not stop gazing at Georgiana. She tried to smile at him. That seemed to awake him of his thoughts because he ran away and left the door open. 

Sidney was deliberating about whether to just enter or to keep waiting until someone else welcomed them in. He assumed that the family would be all in all very busy with attending a gravely ill Charlotte. 

The voice of a young woman sounded through the corridor and then she was at the door. It took her a moment to gather herself for she was surprised to see more visitors in front of the open door.  
Moreover she was busy with laundry and had a bin full of fabric with her. 

She then smiled in relief: "Excuse me! I'm Alison Heywood and you must be Miss Lambe and Mr. Sidney Parker. Jonathan is still very shy when it comes to visitors. The doctor was already too much for him. Thank you Mr. Parker for making him come to see our Charlotte. I would have never expected a doctor to come to Willingden to especially see her. No matter the outcome we are indebted to you. And you, Miss Lambe, thank you for coming on such short notice - but then again I have to thank you, Mr. Parker for allowing her to visit us. I have to apologise for our messy home at the moment but I hope you understand that we are really occupied with our sorrow and worries for Charlotte. And we could never -" she suddenly stopped and looked at them with big eyes. "I am very sorry, I am inclined to talk too much. I should have made inquiries how your journey was and first of all welcomed you inside", she did now show them with her free hand to enter and both did. 

Sidney couldn't help to smile and told Alison: "The 'too-much-talking' must be a family trait then - but I can assure you it's one that is very valued on my side". 

Alison smiled back although it did not reach her eyes: "Thank you, Mr. Parker, very charming of you to say so. Well, my parents are upstairs in the smaller drawing room next to Charlotte's current room. If you would please follow me they can welcome you properly". 

And with that all three of them made their way up. 

So, Dr. Fuchs must have arrived already and was now examining Charlotte. Sidney was relieved that the doctor didn't wait until tomorrow to attend to Charlotte. The sooner the better. Alison did not exaggerate, it was really messy. But who could blame them in such a situation.  
She was a pretty young lady with big brown eyes as her sister and also brown hair. But her skin was a shade fairer and nose and mouth were completely different than Charlotte's. 

Charlotte. Today he would see her again after many months. Would she be awake? Would she recognise him in her febrile delirium?  
And what about her parents? How would they receive him? Of course he had imagined meeting them before. But it would have been under other circumstance. He would have shortly arrived after Charlotte and then asked her parents in person for their blessings. What a wonderful reason for a first meeting ...and what different reason it was now. Sidney sighed deeply. Alison turned around to him (they were still standing on the stairs). 

"Are you all right Mr. Parker?". 

"I'm just saddend by the fact that it is under these circumstance that we shall meet. Charlo- ehm- Miss Heywood always spoke of you with deep fondness and we all have been eager to meet you. But pray, not with her being-", here Alison interrupted him: "We also were eager to make the acquaintance of all of you but nobody wished for this. Nobody is to blame. At least the boy is fully recovered. So it is not in vain if ...if"  
Her voice broke away and she started crying. Georgiana was next to her and embraced her. Sidney was surprised for she usually was not that fond of consoling people. After a few seconds he heard her crying too. 

His heart ached more and more by witnessing all the pain. A bit time passed until they were able to continue. 

Alison went into the salon and announced the visitors who entered the room shortly after her. Mr. Heywood -a very intelligent and friendly looking man- and Mrs. Heywood -a very soft and kind looking women- stood up and greeted the new visitors. 

"Thank you for coming, Miss Lambe and Mr. Parker. We are greatly honoured to have you here. And we are very grateful for sending the physician ahead".

"Actually we arrived at midnight but we did not want to disturb your well earned sleep and rest. I'm surprised but more so glad that Dr. Fuchs made it so early", Sidney replied. 

"Well, I'm sure you can't wait to see Charlotte, but we must be patient until the doctor is finished. Please be seated. Can I offer you any refreshment?", Mrs. Heywood addressed her visitors. Both took a seat but declined the refreshment. 

And so they all waited in silence. Mr. Heywood took a closer look at Miss Lambe and Mr. Parker. She looked worried, tired and very elegant. She must have been crying shortly before her entrance - just as Alison had been - for he noticed the red eyes and the wet mark on each face. 

It gave him no joy that they had been crying but it touched him that a stranger would feel the same love for his daughter as her own sister. 

On observing Mr. Sidney Parker he noticed also tired, red eyes; a sorrowful look; a nervous and impatient state of mind for he was twirling his hat between his hansd over and over again. But all this did not diminish his handsomeness. He was very elegant and seemed to be the kind of man that all ladies would fancy. But he couldn't detect any vanity. It was like Mr. Parker did not care for his effect on young women. He seemed deeply troubled and Mr. Heywood detected a burden he was carrying with him. He nearly appeared to be the opposite of his brother Tom Parker who was enthusiastic, full of life and seemed to have no troubles at all. Something else made Mr. Heywood very thoughtful. At the name 'Sidney' something rang a bell. But he could in no case make out what it was. For now he decided to be a decent host and to make some inquiries: "Pardon me, Mr. Parker. Where are my manners? How is your family? Your brother Mr. Tom and his lovely wife? I hope they are in good health and humour". 

"Please, Sir! There is no need to apologise. Given the circumstance everything is excusable. My brother and my sister-in-law are thank god in good health. But as to the humour ...it was a great shock. Both would have loved to accompany us but Tom has business to attend to. But I expect they will follow as soon as the situation allows it. Both are very, very fond of Charl- eh Miss Heywood. Actually almost everybody in Sanditon is. So the news of her heroic act and of the following fever caused a lot of distress in Sanditon. Everybody there wishes her well, all are praying for her recovery. And if they had the means the whole town would be here", Sidney explained. 

Mr. Heywood smiled a little and his wife had a few tears in her eyes. She grabbed one hand of her husband and hold it. 

"So my little angel made quite an impression? I have to admit that I was a bit afraid that she might be a nuance too rural for Sanditon society", she told them with a proud look on her face. 

It was Georgiana who hurried to reply after witnessing twice how Sidney was not able to completely cover his feelings and his relation to Charlotte by using her given name. "Oh she was from time to time. But it was always welcomed and refreshing. I never met anyone like her. She is most extraordinary and the purest soul I will ever know". Hearing this made her mother only shed more tears. Sidney offered a handkerchief and Mrs. Heywood accepted it with a warm smile for him. 

Sidney felt how her smile made him feel warm inside. To be her son-in-law and to be sure of her affection would truly be something.  
Charlotte must have inherited her mother's kindness and pure heart, he was sure of that now.  
It was now that he realised that he might never see her smile again. Or the warm affectionate look in her eyes she sent him constantly during the Midsummer ball. He would never dance again with her or laugh with her. Never play with her and the children. Never debate with her. 

Of course he had already wished her farewell the day he let her continue her ride to Willingden. But somehow (now it was absolutely clear to him) he had hoped that on some occasion he might still have all that. Maybe at a ball or soirée in London or Sanditon. Even if he had been already married to Eliza he still would have appreciated every little encounter with Charlotte. 

But if this was a definite goodbye it would be over and done with. No hope. She would take his heart with her to accompany her in her grave. 

"Are you alright, dear Sir?", he felt a hand on his and instantiated that Mrs. Heywood took a seat next to him and was observing him in depth. He needed to think of some plausible answer while a tear escaped his eye. He managed to say with a husky voice : "Thank you for asking, madam. Yes I am alright as the occasion allows. Forgive me but you remind me of my own mother for she was also very kind and ...I miss her dearly. And then there is ...Miss Heywood's condition which is ...".

"I know, dear Mr. Parker. But we shall not give up, shall we! Charlotte is always optimistic and refuses to give up until it is inevitable. So we must follow her example". She patted his knee and smiled encouragingly. Sidney could only nod and look away in shame. How could he lose control over his feelings so easily? 

And then Georgiana explicated what was also on his mind: "Forgive us Mr. and Mrs. Heywood. Actually we agreed on being a source of strength and hope for you and your whole family. But as you see we are greatly failing at this task". 

"Oh my dear! Just the fact that you took upon you the journey is everything to us. We are trying to realise everything that could give Charlotte strength and make her happy in order to fight against her fever. So you already did a lot just by coming here. And bringing a doctor with you is more than we could ask for!". 

Georgiana thanked her and they all fell silent again. 

'Quite interesting', Mr. Heywood thought to himself. Why would Mr. Parker be so affected by Charlotte's fate? He had assumed him to be just a friend as his brother was one to Charlotte. But now he intended to keep an eye on this young man. His wife had suspected heartache in Charlotte for she was changed when she arrived back home. But Mr. Heywood had refused the idea. His daughter was too sensible to fall in love during a few months, was she?! 

Mr. Heywood was interrupted in his thoughts as Dr. Fuchs stepped into the drawing room. He had a serious expression on his face and then he looked down to the floor. 

Mrs. Heywood, Alison and Georgiana started sobbing severely. 

Sidney's heart skipped a few beats and he felt like he could not breathe. Mr. Heywood dropped his head and covered his eyes with his hands.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your comments and thoughts ❤

"There is little hope. But there is still some. She suffers from a severe chest infection. Hence the fever. I'll show you how to prepare a brew of willow tree bark and you shall give it to her every six hours", Dr. Fuchs said after what felt like an eternity. 

"Moreover she needs regular cooling sessions with cold water to lower her temperature and fresh fruit and vegetables to provide her energy for the fight against the infection"

"Willow tree bark? I remember my father chewing the pure bark during a fever. In Antigua it's common use for all sorts of infection and fever", Georgiana said between her sobs. 

Dr. Fuchs gazed at her in awe: "That is absolutely thrilling! Well, whenever Miss Heywood is awake enough to chew it she may do so additionally. But attention! A small piece of the bark might suffocate her and that is nothing anyone here wants". 

"Are we allowed to go in now?", Mr. Heywood asked with a hoarse voice. 

"Yes, but be silent. She needs a lot of rest!".

Dr. Fuchs took his leave and the Heywoods rose from their seats to go and see Charlotte. 

"Please follow us", Alison instructed Georgiana and Sidney. 

At the door Mr. Heywood paused: "Mr. Parker, I must ask you to wait here with me until Amber and Alison checked up on Charlotte. Sometimes she takes most of her clothes off during a rush of high fever. As soon as Charlotte is presentable to male visitors we shall go in".

Sidney nodded and kept on silent. He was now afraid what he might find. The door opened and Mrs. Heywood, Alison and Georgiana stepped in. Before the door closed Sidney could catch a glimpse of Charlotte. She was wearing a nightgown in white. Her skin nearly had the same colour as her clothes. Sidney turned away. He could not bear to see her. She looked much thiner and smaller than usual.  
He was not sure that he wanted to go in anymore. What if she was displeased by the fact that he came to her home. After he sent her away some months ago. After telling her that he was to marry another one. He would not for the world want to do anything that might hurt or offend her any further. The doctor said she needed rest ...and if he told her that he still loved her it might upset her and that could be her undoing. No! He would not risk her life only to ease his conscience.  
Now he needed an excuse to exit.

"Mr. Heywood I fear I have underestimated Miss Heywood's need for privacy at the moment. I will remove myself immediately. If you need anything I will be gladly at your service. I will be waiting outside for Miss Lambe. Good day!". 

Mr. Heywood did not even have a chance at responding to him for Mr. Parker was already on his way out.  
What a strange man he was. First being very emotional and then making a hasty escape. Something was going on. But Mr. Heywood could not put a finger on it. And he was too exhausted to care right now - with his daughter being so sick. 

Georgiana couldn't stop to weep. Charlotte was very pale and had lost weight. She had dark circles under her eyes and she was in febrile delirium. Her moods were shifting between restlessness and stupor. It was worse than Georgiana had imagined. To see her dear strong friend in this state was no pleasure at all. But still she tried to speak to her. Words of encouragement or reminding her of shared memories like Arthur and the pineapple.  
When Mr. Heywood came in without Sidney she was a bit confused but continued to hold Charlotte's hand and to speak to her. 

After a while Alison put her hand on Georgiana's shoulder: "You have been in here for nearly three hours. You need to rest a bit. Downstairs you'll find a light meal for you and Mr. Parker. And afterwards you are free to sit with her again". Georgiana was stunned that she had spent so much time with her only friend. It had not felt that long at all.  
In raising from her seat she showed her agreement and went downstairs into the bigger drawing room. Sidney was sitting at the table and was starring into the fire. He hadn't touched a piece of food on his plate. 

"Why did you leave? I thought you came here to clarify things between you two?", she greeted him from the doorway. 

He looked up: "I came to my senses. I suppose it is not the best time to clarify things. It might upset her and then ...".

"And if this is the last opportunity for you? It is worse than I expected. I have to admit that I am losing hope. Now that I've seen her. She's lost to us, no mat-"

"NO! Don't you dare to even think that way! I've never told you, but actually Charlotte is completely reponsible for your rescue. I gave up already when she refused to do so and suggested what to do next. Don't you dare give up on her for she would never have given you up in London!", Sidney interrupted her loudly. 

Georgiana lowered her head: "But Sidney, you haven't seen her. She is unconscious. I tried talking to her for hours but she would not awake. She looks like father when he was about to die".  
It was not possible for her to hold back the tears anymore. In Charlotte's presence she avoided crying but here she could do so freely. Sidney's chest constricted. He put an arm around Georgiana and she hugged his side. He let her sob in silence. He would have loved to join her but he had to remain strong. While waiting for Georgiana he decided what his next steps would be. 

He would ride to London in the morning to organise fresh fruit and vegetables from the harbour. Every Wednesday a ship arrived with exports from warmer countries. During winter this was the only way to get your hand on fresh edibles. Then he would deliver it all to the Heywoods. And after that ...well, it depended on Charlotte's condition. If she was awake by then and wished to see him he would gladly keep her company. And if she did not want to see him he would go back to Sanditon but leave Georgiana here. She deserved some time with her friend. 

Georgiana had calmed down a bit and Sidney offered her a handkerchief. She took it and smiled a little up to him. 

"Well if this is how you presented yourself to Charlotte I might begin to understand why she fell for you. You are not that cold and indifferent as I believed. Oh, but don't flatter yourself I'm still convinced she could do so much better". 

Sidney also had to smile a bit: "Believe me, I know I could never be deserving of her. And yes, she should have the best of all men by her side ...but even he wouldn't be deserving of her. She is so special, so precious, so perfect-" 

"Oh please stop it! I'm still getting used to you being emotional and not the ogre I expect you to be. Don't overdose me with your appreciation of Charlotte. So, let us eat a bit. I'm eager to get back to her as soon as possible". 

They sat down at the table and ate without appetite in silence. 

None of them realised that Alison had been on the last step of the staircase when she overheard the last part of their conversation.  
So it was him! Charlotte had mentioned that there was a gentleman who had feelings for her and who was almost proposing marriage when they were interupted and a series of tragic events made them go separated ways. Although feelings were unchanged Charlotte had assured her sister. And Alison believed her easily since she had witnessed twice how Charlotte had been crying in the night when she believed no one would take notice of that.  
And his feelings seemed to be also unchanged for what he had just said to Georgiana. But why did he decide against seeing Charlotte after all this. Was it too painful to part from her a second time? Or was it too painful for him to see her so ill? 

Well Alison would ask him some time eventually. 

She could see why her sister had fallen in love with him. He was very sensible, mature and seemed to have a good and loyal heart. Well of course his being tall, handsome and having a deep masculine voice might have added to the good deeds of him. But Charlotte always seeked an intelligent and kind man to be her partner in life. That's why she never found interest in any boy of their village. They were all so dull and only interested in their small world. 

Alison sighed. They would have made a wonderful couple.  
But it was to no avail to think about that now. First of all Charlotte needed to recover. Everything else could be resolved later.


	8. Chapter 8

It was getting dark outside when Mr. Heywood approached Sidney: "Mr. Parker? I was wondering if Miss Lambe might stay here with us. We had the guest room prepared for her. And she just expressed the wish herself". 

"How generous, Sir. As Miss Heywood is Miss Lambe's only friend here in England I think it is the best for her. She would never forgive me if I forbade her.  
Tomorrow I'll travel to London. Please give me a list of what you need and I'll be happy to provide you with it". 

"If you could provide a miracle to cure our Charlotte that would be everything we need", Mr. Heywood replied with half a smile. 

"I wish it was in my power, Sir!". 

The next morning Sidney took a ride to London. He had stopped by the Heywoods to make sure that Georgiana was alright and to ask how Charlotte was doing. Still no change. Dr. Fuchs had not been there yet today. Sidney hoped that he would hear good news on his return. And hopefully he could snatch a basket full of fruit and vegetables. And perhaps he might find some time to buy some toys for the little siblings of Charlotte. He had witnessed the evening before how downhearted all of them were. The toys would never change the situation or make them feel better during the current situation. But perhaps it would provide them with some happy moments between all the worries. He would have done the same for his nieces and nephews. And although he wasn't engaged to Charlotte he couldn't stop thinking that all these children could have been his brothers and sisters in law. And he would have done anything to make them happy because it would have made her happy. 

There is no doubt that Sidney Parker's thoughts were occupied with Charlotte and her family during the whole ride. So when he entered London and passed by Hyde Park he did not see Lady Worcester enjoying a walk. It was until she called his name that he realised where he has been and that he had been ignorant to whom was surrounding him. 

"I beg your pardon, mylady. I was completely in thoughts", Sidney said while dismounting his horse. 

"Oh yes, the upcoming wedding. The London society speaks about nothing else. And your betrothed-."

"Excuse me, but the wedding is the least I think about! Mylady, I have to ask: have you not received a letter from Willingden these days?".

Lady Susan was astonished. "Why yes, this morning. But I decided to read it later for I was engaged to meet some friends here and I was in a hurry. But Charlotte is so precious that even a letter from her must be treated with the utmost respect!".

Sidney noticed the side blow immediately, but decided to ignore it. He would not waste his time here with arguing with Lady Susan.  
"Well, if I may say so, you should have read the letter instantly. It is a matter of urgency. And the letter is not from Charlotte but from her sister", he got back on his horse again.  
But before he could wish her farewell she grabbed his hand. She had lost all colour from her face. 

"Pray, Mr. Parker! What happened? Is Charlotte ...", she could not bear to speak the words. 

"Not yet, but she is gravely ill and we are all alarmed. I'm here to buy fresh fruit and vegetables to hopefully provide her with energy. So, I must be on my way, mylady. Excuse me". 

"Of course", was all Lady Susan could whisper. 

Mr. Parker then took off. Lady Susan went in search of her coach to get home as soon as possible. Finally she found her coachman and she could leave the park. At home she walked straight up to her study to open the letter. 

'Dear Lady Worcester, 

pardon me for writing this letter to you without your permission. But I believe that the content of this letter is of interest for you. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Alison Heywood, Charlotte's younger sister.  
I am writing to inform you that Charlotte has fallen gravely ill. Some days ago she rescued a little boy from drowning and got a fever the same night. Everything in our power was done. We expect it to be a matter of days now.  
As Charlotte was always fond of you and considered you a good friend my parents decided it would be out of respect for Charlotte to apprise you of the matter. If you wish to bid your farewell we would gladly welcome you in our home.  
Please, do not feel obliged to come at all.  
I hope you receive this letter in good health.  
Sincerely

Alison Heywood' 

How tragic! Her young friend dying! She must see her as soon as possible but first there were other matters to be settled. 

Thankfully Sidney was successful in his hunt for fresh fruit and vegetables. Moreover he also managed to buy toys. Nothing fancy, but he still hoped that her siblings would like them. 

He was eager to hear how Charlotte had been throughout the day and if the treatment with willow tree bark was fertile. Although he was very tired from the journey to London and being busy in the city, he still left as soon as he got everything he came for. His return trip seemed to be endless to him for he was anxious to be near Charlotte again. He still did not want to disturb her. Only the worst circumstance would make him seek her proximity. 

Upon his arrival he could see Dr. Fuchs riding away back to the accommodation. So he must have already checked upon Charlotte. As soon as he entered the house he noticed that something was wrong. He heard none of the children but only a lot of sobbing in the distance. No one was to be seen on the ground floor. So he made his way up to the first floor where Charlotte's room was. The door was closed. But the sobbing came clearly from her room. He recognized Georgiana's sobs amongst them. Slowly he knocked on the door. After a while Mr. Heywood opened the door with tears streaming down his face. 

Sidney's heart grew heavy. This could only mean ...oh no! No! No!


	9. Chapter 9

"Mr. Parker? Mr. Parker! Would you like to sit down? You look very pale", Mr. Heywood inquiered worried. 

Sidney could not answer. He was too astonished. How could Mr. Heywood ask for his well-being while he just lost his daughter. 

"Mr. Parker!", Mr. Heywood repeated. 

Sidney cleared his throat and said: "My deep condolences, Sir". 

Mr. Heywood looked at him with wide eyes. "She is not dead. Well not yet. Unfortunately the treatment was not as successful as the doctor had hoped. He said if Charlotte does not awake during the next 12 hours this will be her last two days with us", and after a little pause he added: "I assume you might have changed your mind under this circumstances and would like to see her". 

"You are right, Sir. But I would not like to impose. So whenever it is convenient. Perhaps I can take over a shift during the night. You are all very exhausted and I would be happy to exonerate you", Sidney offered. 

"That is more than we can ask of you, Sir. We are indeed tired and exhausted, but we would never dare to place you in this position". 

"I'm offering it freely. It would be an honour to attend to Miss Heywood. And it would give me the chance to apologise. I haven't always been a ...good friend to your daughter". 

"Ah I see. But as it is improper for an engaged man to sit alone for hours with an unmarried woman (who is not his fiancée) I must insist on having someone as chaperone with you", Mr. Heywood said with one eyebrow raised. 

"Of course, Sir! Oh and I nearly forgot. I brought something from London for you and your family. Dr. Fuchs said she'll need a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables. Some of them are quite exotic. But the effect is the same as our usual fruit and vegetables. I didn't now how much you have stored. So I hope I brought enough for you all to consume as you also must mantain your good health to be strong for Charl-Miss Heywood", he pushed the chest which was loaded with lots of colourful fruit and vegetables towards Mr. Heywood and then handed him a basket: "And this is for the smaller ones. I thought maybe they need some distraction in this time of sorrow". 

Mr. Heywood was stunned: "Upon my word, Mr. Parker, this is too generous. And to think of the children. I don't know what to say, Sir". 

Sidney bowed: "Then say nothing, Sir. It was my pleasure. And now I will leave you to your family. I'll be heading back to the inn and I will come back later. Let's say 10 pm?" 

Mr. Heywood took a surprised look at his pocket watch - he had not realised that it was already 6 pm. He agreed and Mr. Parker left. 

Mr. Heywood called his wife and Alison out of Charlotte's room leaving Miss Lambe with her. He showed them what Mr. Parker had brought from London.  
And Alison cried even more than before: "Oh, he must really -", she stopped herself. 

Mr. Heywood grew suspicious: "He must really what?". 

"He must really consider her a good and dear friend", she replied. 

His wife smiled and started to inspect the chest.  
"Look at this. I could cook a strong and curing chicken soup with vegetables for Charlotte. I will be right on my way. Please inform me as soon as something changes! And Alison dear, could you please go up and console your brothers and sisters a bit? I saw them running up in shock after they heard the doctor. Maybe the toys will help them a bit. After all they are still children". 

"Yes, mamma", Alison gathered the basket and went up. 

Before Mrs. Heywood could leave her husband grabbed her hand to draw her attention: "What do you make of this? How can a stranger be so generous and caring?"  
Mrs. Heywood smiled: "I do love you. But your ignorance is something you have to work on. On your own!". With that she took some of the vegetables and left for the kitchen. 

Something was terribly wrong and he couldn't make it out. Perhaps he would find a moment later to talk to Mr. Parker about all this. For now he decided to spend as much time as possible with his daughter.

A few hours later Sidney dismounted his horse and stepped into the Heywood's house.  
Timothy Heywood - a teenage brother of Charlotte's - was the one to open the door and receive him. "Good evening, Mr. Parker. Unfortunately my father was called away on an urgent matter in one of his tenants' cottages. He instructed us to let you see Charlotte if you still wish to do so". 

Sidney nodded: "Yes, thank you. I still do". 

"Then follow me please". Sidney was about to set one foot in front of the other and set off, when he noticed someone touching his knee.  
The three youngest siblings stood next to him. "Thank you, Sir, for the toys!", they said in unison as if they had been practising to do so.  
Sidney couldn't help but smile. He got down on one knee to be nearly on an eye-level with them. "It was my pleasure".  
Suddenly one of them put her tiny arms around him and said: "Thank you so much! I love my doll. I never had one of my own. Only the former dolls of Charlotte, Alison, Kate, Samantha and Anne". 

Sidney was really touched and returned the hug. 

"That's enough Rose!", her brother scolded her. When she stepped back he took a closer look at her and had to stop himself from drawing in his breath too sharply. She looked like a little version of Charlotte. All of a sudden he imagined that their daughter might have looked like Rose. He would have wished for her to look like her. He contained a sigh. It was no good to dwell on dreams - no matter how much the reality hurt, he had to face it. 

A last smile and bow to the children, which left them giggling (no one had ever bowed in respect for them). 

"Sorry for that, Sir. They are not used to people from high society. We will see that they-", here Sidney interrupted him: "Please, treat me as one of yours. I do not belong to London's high society. I feel much more at home here than I have ever felt in London".  
Timothy let the matter be and led Sidney to the first floor. After knocking on the door he left Sidney with a bow. 

After a while Alison opened.  
"Oh, Mr. Parker. Would you wish to come in?" 

"If Miss Heywood ist presentable for a male visitor, then yes thank you". 

Alison let him in and he was overwhelmed by his feelings. To see his Charlotte again should have been one of the best moments in his life and not the saddest.  
She was laying on her back. No movement, only heavy breathing. She was still pale but her cheeks were red and her lips were lighter than usual but still of a rosy tone.  
Georgiana was sitting next to her holding one hand and Alison seated herself on Charlotte's other side to take hold of the other hand. 

"Perhaps you are better at convincing Georgiana here to take a rest? She did not leave Charlotte's side since the morning", Alison asked Sidney in a hushed voice. 

So they were already on first name basis. Good, Georgiana would need all the friends she could get. 

"Georgiana, I can clearly see that you are exhausted. You need to rest. Eat and drink something. Then try to sleep. If anything changes we will wake you immediately", Sidney addressed Georgiana. 

She shook her head in response: "I cannot leave her. I cannot give up on her. And if these indeed are her last hours I will not miss a minute of them". 

Neither Sidney nor Alison could dissent.  
After spending half an hour in silence. Sidney noticed that Georgiana had fallen asleep. He woke her and insisted this time upon her leaving to take care of herself. She did as requested even though reluctantly. 

After another hour of silence accompanied only by Charlotte's breathing Alison was dragged away to help put her younger siblings to sleep as her mother was already asleep - exhaustion must have caught up with her at last. Alison excused herself and promised to be soon back. 

Sidney drew his chair closer to Charlotte's bed and took her hand. Her skin was so cold. He couldn't contain the tears anymore. It felt like his whole world was tumbling down right now. Realising that his beloved Charlotte could be gone tomorrow at exact this time. So he took her hand and placed a soft kiss on it. 

"My love, I have come to apologise for the pain I have been causing you. I never meant to do so. The day I stopped your carriage I actually was prepared to say something else to you. But seeing the tears in your eyes and all the hurt, I could not bear to plant hope into your already broken heart. I actually wanted to tell you how much I love you and that I will not rest until I have found a solution for Tom's dilemma and to escape her. I wanted to tell you that you are my everything, that I could never love anyone else but you. That I wish you to be the mother of our children. That I can not live a life without you. And that I really regret I couldn't finish my proposal the first time. It would have been perfect and proper. And I would have inquired if your feelings were the same. You never told me. But that kiss we shared let me hope. And we somehow had an understanding afterwards.  
Oh Charlotte, my beloved Charlotte, how am I to survive without you? Without you I am nothing but an impolite brut - but you make me a better man. Since our separation I have tried to be a good version of myself - not the best for that is only possible with you by my side. Charlotte, no one suits me better than you. Although I am absolutely aware that I do not deserve you. You know, nobody likes her. Even the children miss you and wish I would marry you and not her. My whole family adores you. And I like yours very much. Especially Alison and Rose are so much like you so I cannot but be fond of them. And your parents are so amiable. I would have loved to have your mother as my mother-in-law. I see now that you must have your kindness and good nature from her". 

He paused a while and sighed deeply. Charlotte had not moved during his speech, not even a bit. 

"I do not suppose you can hear me. But be assured that I am truly and endlessly sorry for every bit of pain I caused you. I love you and that makes it all the worst. To know you are loved and still not be allowed to be together. I will always love you. My heart is yours and if you shall really leave us forever you will take it with you. Beloved Charlotte, if you are gone the world will be a much darker place for the brightest light will be gone", his voice broke away. 

He still wanted to say so much but he heard steps outside and decided to remain silent. Alison was back.

"Oh Mr. Parker! Do you need a moment to gather yourself ?".

He hadn't realised that he was still crying.  
"No, thank you. I just can't imagine a world without her. My whole family will be aghast. Not to mention Georgiana". 

"Well, Charlotte was always good at surprises. Perhaps she will also be this time. I dare hope so. I must hope so. For her". 

Sidney was about to reply when Mr. Heywood put his head into the room and asked for a word with Mr. Parker.  
Sidney followed him into his study where Mr. Heywood directed him to take a seat opposite to him and poured both of them a glass of wine.  
Then Mr. Heywood cleared his throat and asked: "You kissed my daughter? What am I to make of this?". 

Sidney could feel his heart skipping a few beats only to beat faster than before. How did Mr. Heywood know?! He gulped. 

Mr. Heywood wanted to check on his daughter upon his return home. As he reached the room he could see that the door was left opened a bit. And suddenly he heard Mr. Parker talk. It was then that he finally realised what it was about his name. Sidney. During one of Charlotte's first fever attacks she would always repeat the name. Although he then thought she was talking of the city on a far continent. She was well-read and he assumed she would be dreaming of faraway places she had read about.  
But now everything came into place. Mr. Sidney Parker and Charlotte must have been lovers in Sanditon. Despite his warning to be careful. Of course it was not the behaviour of a gentleman to eavesdrop but it was his daughter that stranger was talking to and in his home! And when he heard Alison coming downstairs he hid in the shadow of a corner. 

Now he kept staring at Mr. Parker waiting for an answer. He wondered if it was necessary to duel with him to revenge Charlotte's honour or if he had a plausible explanation why he was betrothed to another woman than his daughter. "Well?!", he raised an eyebrow. "I insist upon an answer, Sir!".


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I'm absolutely overwhelmed by your feedback and that my story is also mentioned on Twitter. 
> 
> I feel bad for making you cry or feel sad. Chapter 1-12 were written back in November and December 2019 when I was still grieving the ending. Maybe that's why it is so dramatic ...anyway I'm sorry! 
> 
> I resumed writing when Amazon Prime asked us to retweet their tweet about Sanditon because it made me hope that we'll be getting our second series/season.  
> It took me very long to decide whether to post this story at all so I hope that I won't disappoint you. 
> 
> The ending is already written. I'm still working on the middle part. Which means that after chapter 12 or 13 I might not be able to post almost every day. Sorry again! 
> 
> Keep safe and stay healthy. Much Love!  
> Rosemary91

What should he do? He could not refuse to answer for it was Mr. Heywood's natural right.  
He decided to tell him the truth. It was the least he could do given the circumstances.  
And so Sidney took a sip from his glass and told Mr. Heywood everything.

Well, not everything everything. The "meeting" down at the cove was nothing to be mentioned or Tom's failure in detail. Only that his brother had made some miscalculations and that he would have faced debtor's prison. He told him of his past with Eliza, his growing feelings for Charlotte and the interrupted proposal at the ball. He told him of the letter he had already written and had intended to send to him after Charlotte's approval. 

"And there was no one else to lend you the money?", Mr. Heywood asked sceptically.

"No, Sir. As I said every bank would turn their back on me. You see, Tom has got a reputation. He is known as a great enthusiast but a poor businessman.  
So nobody was ready to take the risk. It took me five days to speak to every banker as some of them had heard that I was in town trying to extend the loan and resolve Tom's situation they hid away and I literally had to track them down. It was on the sixth day that I received a note from Mrs. Campion who had also heard of my misery and wished to offer help.  
I was desperate enough to believe that she would do it in honour of our old connection and out of friendship but I was mistaken. She offered me the full sum of money if we were to seal our whole connection in a proper way.  
At first I didn't understand what she meant but then I realised that she wanted me to marry her. I told her that I might have a second investor in stoke (which was of course a lie) and that I would call upon her the next morning. She laughed and said that there would be no one who was mad enough to invest in Sanditon unless they gain something out if it - a husband for example.  
I left and tried the whole day again. I even went to see Lady Worcester who is a great friend of Charlotte and well acquainted with the prince regent. But her footmen told me she was spending a fortnight in Devonshire.  
By the night I knew I was trapped. Either I pursue my own and Charlotte's happiness and leave my brother, my dear sister in law, my nieces and nephews to debtor's prison and the poorhouse - not to mention all the workers and citizen of Sanditon who would lose their livelihood if we stopped the work and expanding. Or I would rescue them all and break the most precious of hearts. How could I turn away from her after we somehow had an agreement and after I had already started to purpose marriage?  
It was the hardest decision to make. And I hate myself for not having found another solution. Something that would have made every one happy. But seven days were not enough time and the main investor insisted upon her right. So I engaged myself to Mrs. Campion", Sidney concluded with a lot of grief in his voice.

Mr. Heywood was staring into the fire now. "A tough decision indeed. As her father I wish you'd have decided for her but as a landlord I can feel the pressure of responsibility for many lives", then he turned to him in disbelief: "And she really let you kiss her?". 

Sidney could feel how he blushed and hurried to answer: "Yes, Sir. But I asked for permission first. And I would have never let it happen if I knew where our journey would end". 

"Well, she must really love you then. The last one who tried to kiss her got slapped. It was sunday after the church. The adults were discussing the sermon and the children played on the lawn. One of the neighbour’s boys approached her and told her that he liked her and that he would wish to kiss her. She denied him his wish but he wouldn't hear. So he still tried to do so without her approval and she slapped him. It was a great spectacle in front of the whole township. And then she declared shouting at him that she would only allow the man who loves her wholeheartedly and whom she loved in return to kiss her. She was 12 years old by then - it is almost 11 years ago but she already had a clear opinion on that matter", Mr. Heywood responded chuckling. 

Sidney didn't know what to reply. To hear her father say that she must love him caused mixed feelings in him. He was happy that she returned his feeling but then again the pain he caused her must have been unbearable. 

"I must admit that I was already hoping for a duel to revenge my daughter's honour but given the fact that she actually chose you there is nothing I can do. And shall she wake up she would never forgive me for injuring you" and after a short while he added: "You know, I would have given my consent and my blessing. Aside from Charlotte's choice you seem to be a very sensible and noble gentleman. And everyone here likes you already so I would have been outnumbered either way". 

Sidney felt that warm feeling inside again. He was very touched and honoured that Mr. Heywood was holding him in esteem in spite of everything he had just told him. 

"Well, enough of all these sentiments! I'll have to see Charlotte and send Alison to sleep. You are welcome to wait here or to come up with me".  
Mr. Heywood arouse from his chair. 

"I think I have taken enough of Miss Heywood's time. But I might wait here in your study if that is alright with you. To be close by if anything changes or if Georgiana needs something". 

"Suit yourself. If you are interested in Greek philosophers I have a proud collection of their works". 

Of course he would have. Charlotte must share her interest for philosophy with her father. She seemed to be the perfect mixture of her father and her mother. And yet completely individual and special. 

"Father? Where is Mr. Parker ?", Alison asked as soon as her father entered Charlotte's room. 

"He wanted to stay in my study. Why are you asking?", her father replied. 

"Well, I thought that he would like to spend a few more moments with Charlotte". 

"You know. Don't you?! Did Charlotte tell you about them?"

Alison was surprised to hear her father being so well informed. "No, she did not. At least she never mentioned the name of the gentleman who-"

"I know everything so you can keep on telling me what Charlotte confide in you". 

"That's it father, she didn't tell me much. She only spoke of a started purposal and that unfortunate events pulled them apart. But I heard her crying at night". 

"Unfortunate indeed. He is also hurting. But there's nothing to be done. He is trapped. And our Charlotte will learn to live with it. But first she must awake and make us all believe in miracles again".  
He sighed and then put a hand on her shoulder. "You should rest. I will wake you as soon as anything changes". 

She was about to leave because she could feel the exhaustion almost in every bone of hers - when they heard a whisper "water".  
Father and daughter looked at each other in amazement. Could it be that Charlotte was slowly waking up?!

Alison took a glass of fresh water while her father seated Charlotte up a bit. She drank a bit but without opening her eyes. Her father let her down again. 

"We should wait to see if she really wakes up before we raise false hopes, do you agree?" 

"Yes, papa. But I would rather stay here now. I cannot sleep now knowing that she woke to tell us that she wants to drink".

Alison laid next to Charlotte on the same bed and despite her announcement of not being able to sleep she fell asleep quite quickly. 

And Mr. Heywood could do nothing but hold his daughter's hand and pray, pray, pray.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again ❤

It felt like she had been in a cloud of thick smoke.  
Sounds and voices being muffled. Hallucinating. Dreaming of beaches, Georgiana, Sidney and the little Parkers, of dear Mary and even of Lady Susan. It was less painful to dream herself away for every breath hurt so much.  
It was like a hot blade would cut repeatedly into her chest. And the continued shifts between freezing and burning. It was all so exhausting. 

She hoped that soon it would all be over. And yet, whenever she heard a dear voice speak to her she knew that she did not want to leave. That she had a role to fulfill: as daughter, as sister, as friend. She couldn't say at which point she started hallucinating that Dr. Fuchs was attending to her. Or was he real? She couldn't tell anymore.  
And Georgiana! She heard her too in her head for sure. Because why would she ever come to Willingden?  
She spoke to her in encouragement. She recreated all the little adventures they had had together. It gave Charlotte joy to relive all those moments. And it gave her a good rest from dreaming of Sidney. It was very annoying to have him pop up every now and then in her hallucinations. Her heart felt like breaking over and over again. 

And today her hallucinations reached a new peak. It felt so so real. The touch of his hand, his lips on her cold skin, his deep hoarse voice. He apologised and explained what he had hoped to do when he stopped her carriage all those months ago. He told her more than once that he loved her and always will. 

Oh how Charlotte wished that it was real and in her head she kept replying "I love you, too. And I always will. No matter how much pain you caused me". 

But then again she wished it wasn't real at all. Because if it was it would mean that Sidney was unhappy. She did not wish for him to be unhappy or also hurting. It obviously wouldn't serve any cause. So why should both be in pain and damned to lead an unhappy and drear life?!  
At least let him find his peace with the whole affair and give him some happiness in life, she prayed. 

After Sidney's declaration of love she realised that it felt like ages the last time she drank something and her throat felt so dry.  
She remembered drinking a bitter tasting tea at some point. More than once. But now she was craving for water. She wanted to sit up and pour herself a glass. 

Alas - she couldn't even open her eyelids, so how was she supposed to move her arms or anything? She would surely die of thirst.  
Maybe someone was with her. She had heard her father and Alison talk but she couldn't concentrate on the content of their conversation for she was too busy with her thoughts of Sidney and her urgent wish for water.  
She tried to move her lips and form the word. It wouldn't come out. Oh, no! She couldn't give up!  
She tried over and over again. And then she heard her own low voice finally whispering 'water'. 

Strong arms where supporting her to sit up and someone held a glass to her lips. She wanted to drink so much more but she was feeling dizzy and like fainting. 

All was a blur again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short. Next one is longer and will be uploaded tomorrow :)


	12. Chapter 12

At 3 am Sidney was too restless to wait upon Mr. Heywood which is why he took him by his word and joined him in Charlotte's room. Alison was sleeping next to her. Mr. Heywood shook his head when Sidney sent him an interrogative look.  
So they had to prepare for the worst. He would have to write a letter to Tom and Mary. And Mr. Stringer of course. 

"She always cared a lot for others. And she has got a very strong moral compass. Even as a child she almost always knew what was right and wrong and what was fair or unfair. This right now is definitely unfair.  
Losing your daughter after she saved a life. I don't know how our family will cope with it. You must think that we wouldn't even notice a child is missing with so many. But each and every one of them is special in their own way. Oh, how I felt Charlotte's absence during the summer. But then again it gave me more time to attend to Alison who developed quite an interest in architecture. And with Charlotte's colourful and detailed depiction of Sanditon's buildings and growth she was most eager to draw some of those buildings herself.  
Unfortunately I couldn't win her heart for greek philosophers. Unlike Charlotte, she and her mother are my favourite ones to discuss Plato, Heraclitus, Aristotle and the rest with. Although - and maybe you would know that - Charlotte is capable of discussing many topics and has a lot of opinions. I am so proud of what has become of her", Mr. Heywood spoke quite sentimental. 

"And you should be, Sir! She is like no other lady Iever met. You don't know what wonders she worked in Sanditon. She was the one to come up with the regatta and to even organise it largely. She was the one to keep looking for Georgiana when I was blocked by hopelessness. She helped during the fire. She ...she transfered an unfeeling brute into a normal human being. Charlotte is the best, the most precious, generous, kind and-".

"Upon my word, Sir. You are clearly smitten by my daughter. And that is all the more deplorable. As you are not free to marry her. If nothing changes in the next few hours she will die unmarried but at least not unloved". 

Sidney felt ashamed for his outburst. He wasn't used to talking about his feelings so freely. But praising Charlotte came naturally. He would have loved to shout from every mountain and rooftop how special she was. Never had he felt so much pride for someone else. And yet, perhaps he was overdoing by all the praise and compliments. He would try to keep a bit more to himself.

The silence took over again. Until Sidney asked if he could borrow paper and a pen to send word to Sanditon. Afterwards he left for the study again and wrote a few words for his family and Mr. Stringer.  
A few tears dropped unintentional. But he couldn't hold them back. The fact that he was actually writing a note about Charlotte's imminent death was too much.  
He knew that it would take all his power to be strong for Georgiana but he'd rather bury himself somewhere and never come out. Right now he felt a huge weight on his chest and he was in desperate need of fresh air. Putting on his cloak he left the house and kept on walking without any destination. The crisp air embraced him. A thick layer of snow was still all around. To imagine that Charlotte was walking through this with being soaked to the skin was unbelievable. No wonder she was so ill. Sidney put his arms around himself to provide some warmth. 

Why her? Why couldn't it be him? She was young and needed by everyone. Her family would be miserable without her. Her father's emotional outburst was proof enough. Georgiana would lose her spirit forever and be quite devastated. Everyone will miss her dearly in their lives. Such a tragedy! How could he believe that nearly 11 years ago was the worst moment of his life when Eliza left him for Mr. Campion?

This right now was far worst. If it took him years to heal halfway after the broken engagement, how long would it take this time?  
But then again it was Charlotte - dear, beloved, sweet Charlotte - who had made him complete in the first place. So without her he would never be happy or hopeful again. No joy, no sunshine, no laughter. And again tears were streaming down his face. 

It was by the first ray of light when Sidney heard a coach approaching. It came to stand in front of him and Lady Worcester's head appeared in the window. "Mr. Parker! Pray, am I too late? Good lord, you are crying. So this must be it".

"Actually I do not know how she is right now. I left the house hours ago. Would you like me to accompany you inside?" 

"Well, at this early hour it would be absolutely improper. But given the circumstances I suppose my fauxpas might be forgiven". 

Sidney got into the carriage and they drove up to the house. When they disembarked the sun was crawling on the horizon. Sidney was just about to knock, when Rose opened the door and hugged him. 

"Charlotte is moving to heaven Alison said! But I want her to stay here! She can't go without teaching me how to dance and how to read and how to shoot and how to swim. Alison is always busy with her books and drawing. And my other sisters say I'm annoying. Am I annoying you Mr. Parker?" 

Sidney was stunned how charming little Rose already was. He lifted her up and told her: "No, you don't annoy me. And I also need your sister as my teacher. But if she decides it is time for her to move to heaven we cannot stop her. And someday you will meet her there. I am sure of it". 

A sudden idea striked Sidney's mind: Rose would be the perfect companion for Alicia and Jenny. And no doubt Mary would love her. Moreover she could receive the same education as his nieces. Perhaps he could purpose this idea to Mr. Heywood. But it would have to wait until everything else was settled. 

"Oh, who is this pretty lady with you?" 

"This is Lady Worcester. She is a friend of your sister. Is anyone down here that we can ask permission to pass to her room?" 

"I am here and yes, you may pass".  
She was so adorable. Sidney and Lady Worcester chuckled at her answer. They decided to go upstairs and wait in front of the room. Rose was sent in to announce the new visitor to her father. He immediately came out and greeted Lady Worcester. She in return apologised for her rude intrusion. She was welcomed inside Charlotte's room and Sidney followed close by. Alison was awake now and curtsied at the Lady's sight. 

Lady Susan was shocked to find her dear young friend in such a state. Indeed, she did not look good.  
Pale, with dry lips and heavy breathing. 

"Any news?!", Mr Parker asked. 

"Unfortunately not", Mr. Heywood replied sorrowful. 

"She has two hours left to awake and make us happy", Alison Heywood informed quitely. 

"And if not? If nothing happens the next two hours?", Lady Susan asked but already feared the answer. The following silence was answer enough along with Alison Heywood's tears. "I see. Well, then let us keep hoping and praying that our dear Charlotte will come back to us and recover fully", she tried to cheer them up although she herself felt quite hopeless. 

The next hour they kept their gazes steady on Charlotte. But she didn't move even a finger. Then Mr. Parker excused himself to ride to the post and to send notes to Sanditon via express. During his absence more and more Heywoods came into Charlotte's room to check upon her. Lady Susan was surprised how well behaved all the children were. Even the youngest of them. Mrs. Heywood was a true angel. Despite the circumstances she always made sure that everybody was well. She and the house maid prepared breakfast but no body was in the mood for food. Nobody wanted to leave Charlotte's bedside. When the last half hour began everybody was in trepidation. Mr. Parker wasn't back yet and Lady Susan could see that Miss Lambe was in need of someone to catch her if the most dreaded was to come. As Mr. Parker was still absent, she would be the one to support Miss Lambe. Dr. Fuchs arrived when fifteen minutes were left. Everybody was sent out of the room so that he could check up on her. After five minutes he let all in again with a confused look on his face. 

"What is it Dr. Fuchs?", Mr. Heywood queried worried. 

"I am not sure what will happen next. Her heart rate is still fast while I would have expected it to be slowing down by now. Maybe she really is still fighting. Or these are her last heartbeats in fever - although her temperature is well and not too high. It is a riddle to me. I suppose we just have to wait and see what happens next". 

And so everybody kept on waiting. And hoping and praying and trying to be strong for one another.  
While Sidney was standing in good distance to the house. He couldn't go in again and watch her dying.  
He knew that Georgiana might need him. But in this state he wasn't of any use anyway. He decided to go in after Dr. Fuchs would leave. He had seen him arrive and now he surely was telling the Heywoods the dreadful update that nothing had changed and that Charlotte was to die today.  
He closed his eyes and tried to breathe in deeply to avoid screaming. His heart felt like it was burning, it was such an overwhelming feeling that he could barely breath. A wave of guilt overcame him. If he had at last ensured her some happy days before all this. But he did the opposite: he broke her heart and sent her off with no hope and only a hidden declaration of love. Well done, Sidney, you are the biggest idiot on earth; you deserve to be unhappy, was all he could think. And unhappy he surely would be. 

The last half an hour was over but Dr. Fuchs still didn't leave. What was the meaning of that? Was Charlotte still fighting? Or was Dr. Fuchs staying to support and comfort the family? 

After another half an hour he decided to go in and see for himself. He hadn't yet reached the frontdoor when Rose came running out of the house. She ran towards him and he lifted her up and hold her close to his chest. She was not crying or sobbing. She must surely be in shock, thought Sidney to himself. After all she had just lost her sister, maybe even watched her die. Sidney hold her closer and went into the house and then upstairs. Nothing was to be heard; he had expected the whole family would be crying, sobbing, perhaps even screaming because of their great loss. 

Before he entered the room Rose looked at him and said: "Charlotte, she -", Sidney stopped her: "I know, it's alright. Everything will be fine someday. Trust me". 

When he opened the door he was astonished to see that everybody was in a cheerful mood. How could that be?! Was the relief for Charlotte's salvation greater than their grief?!

And then he spotted the reason.  
But could this be?! Charlotte was sitting with a lot of cushions in her back, still pale and very weak but with a tired smile on her lips. At least until she saw him.  
Then her smile faded away and an expression of disbelief was evident. He could not help but stare at her and feel great relief that she was alive and awake. He felt so happy and sent her a warm smile.


	13. Chapter 13

Charlotte was determined not to die of thirst especially because it was something she could more or less easily change. So she tried over and over to ask for water. After what felt like an eternity she eventually managed to bring out the words. She was sat up immediately by more than one strong pair of hands and she was given some water. She drank and drank and drank. And then she tried to open her eyes a little to see who was so kind to her. At first everything was blurry. She could only differentiate between darkness and light. Then the shadows got more substance, shape and colours. After a while she could see almost clearly. Her family was surrounding her bed. Except Anthony and Samuel, surely they couldn't leave Oxford now that they had almost just arrived there. And Rose was leaving the room right now. And could it be real? Georgiana and Lady Susan standing next to Alison. Charlotte was not sure if she was really awake or still dreaming. All her loved ones united here in this bedroom with her. It was too good to be true. She smiled and suddenly everyone started chearing, crying out of happiness or just laughing. Dr. Fuchs who was standing in a corner of the room looked relieved and thrilled. It was then that Charlotte realised how severe her condition must have been. 

"How do you feel my dear?", her mother asked and put an end to her thoughts. Charlotte had to harrumph a few times before she could answer: "I'm feeling well. A little bit dizzy and weak but so happy and grateful to see you all". 

"You have no idea how happy we are ...and relieved", her father commented. 

"How long have I been sick now?", Charlotte queried. 

"Long enough. Almost a fortnight", Alison said still with tears of happiness in her eyes. 

That long. She did not expect that. To her it felt like a few days and not like almost two weeks. But the greater the relief must be of her beloved ones. 

"Did you hear us sometimes? I tried my best to encourage you to stay alive and to keep fighting", Georgiana exclaimed. 

Charlotte smiled a bit brighter: "I'm not sure I heard everything, but I remember your words, Georgiana. And some conversations. But I am sure I was also hallucinating in between. So I cannot surely say what was real and what was my imagination only". 

It was then that Dr. Fuchs instructed her family and friends to leave the room in order to examine her properly. He auscultated her heart and lungs, percussed her thorax and made some neurological test to see if the fever left any damages to her nervous system.  
"Well, you are very lucky, Miss Heywood. Others wouldn't have survived this. Of course there is still a way to go but I'm positive that you will be completely recovered by spring". 

"By spring? But that is still two months to go!". 

"Please be grateful, Miss Heywood. We expected to be preparing your funeral today - and here you are. Have patience, healing takes time".

"And when am I allowed to get up and be outdoors again?". 

"Patience, Miss Heywood. First of all you need to train walking inside before you can move outside. I suggest that you rest the next two days and then we can train to get you to another room". 

Charlotte felt her good spirit leaving. She detested doing nothing and resting. Her soul yearned to be in the woods again and to breathe in some fresh air. Well, being downhearted wouldn't make the time past faster, maybe she could use the time to read some of the books her father had recommended a month ago. 

Dr. Fuchs let her family, Lady Susan and Georgiana in again and began to pack up his material. Charlotte then remembered why she got sick in the first place. 

"How is little Timmy?", she asked while fearing to hear an answer she would not like. 

Her mother who had taken a seat beside her on the bed stroke her hair gently and responded: "He is fully recovered and his parents already asked to visit you as soon as you are well again. You really saved his life, my dear, you are a true heroine". 

"Nonsense, mamma! Everybody would have done the same!", Charlotte said blushing. 

"Au contraire! I can assure you that only a handful of people I am acquainted with would have jumped into a frozen lake to save a child", Lady Susan replied. 

Georgiana came to her assistance by adding: "It is true. London society can be very inhumane. Given the fact that it is a natural instinct to save a life, especially a child's life, they would turn around and continue to talk about the wheather, the fashion or horse races". 

Some of the children giggled at the last remark. It was then that the door flew open and a very handsome, tall man with Rose in his arms entered.  
Charlotte was instantly doubting that she was awake or even alive. She had been assuring herself that she would never see him again except in heaven maybe - but not here in Willingden! Her heart started racing as soon as he smiled. She knew in that moment that their separation had not had an impact on her feelings for him. She loved him as much as the last time they had seen each other.  
It was impossible for her to stop looking at him. Her eyes and mind tried to capture every inch of his face, every detail; so that she could later recall his smile or his relaxed happy look, while he was surrounded by the ones she loved.  
Unable to look away she heard her father clear his throat and say: "Charlotte's friends have taken great trouble to be here with her, let's give them some time to catch up. Clear out, Heywoods".  
They were already on their way out when Charlotte realised what he had done. The door closed behind them and then there was only silence. 

Lady Susan and Georgiana kept looking between Sidney and Charlotte. Like watching a cricket game. The tension was palpable. If Lady Susan hadn't been already informed about the past events she might have wondered why Mr. Parker was engaged to Mrs. Campion while he evidently was so much in love with Charlotte. But now she was only more interested in resolving the mess and helping Charlotte be happy again. 

Georgiana couldn't bear the tension and silence any longer and intended to break it with a silly remark on the wheather or the room when little Rose took that task upon her by saying: "Charlotte? Are you in love with Mr. Parker? You look at him the way mamma looks at papa and he looks at you the way papa looks at mamma. Will you marry him then?!". 

Charlotte felt herself blushing and hurried to say: "Rosie! It is improper to talk like that. Nobody is in love and nobody will marry anyone". 

Sidney's amused smile had vanished and a sad expression took over. 

"Mr. Parker and I are ...we are...friends. That is all".

"Friends indeed", he repeated with regret in his voice.

"Ah, the sun finally comes out. Miss Rose would you be so kind to tell Miss Lambe and me about the trees over here? We really wish to know their names", Lady Susan pointed to the window and took Rose from Sidney. 

"How do you not know the names? Even I know them". 

"Well, Miss Lambe was born in Antigua - a foreign country - and I just can't remember the names since I am mostly in London and we do not have such trees there". 

By occupying Rose Lady Susan gave Sidney and Charlotte some moments in privacy.  
Sidney took a seat on the chair next to Charlotte's bed and then reached out for her hand. She let him hold her hand. Suddenly Charlotte recalled the hallucination from last night, when he declared his love for her. Was it reality and not a hallucination? She needed to know the truth. 

"Mr. Parker? Did you happen to have an opportunity to talk to me in private during the past days?".

His smile grew even warmer and she could feel the warmth inside her whole body. "Yes, I was lucky enough to have you all to myself for a few minutes".

"It was real then", Charlotte whispered more to herself.

"Yes, it was real. And the truth. Charlotte, I meant every bit of it". 

"But your situation is still unchanged, is it not?!". 

His smile was gone now, his face was all grief. "Unfortunately not".

"Friends it is then, Mr. Parker. And please don't call me Charlotte, it is too intimate".

"As you wish, Miss Heywood. But there is something I still need to tell you. Your father interrupted me and heard almost everything of my monologue. Afterwards he asked me what had transpired between us and I told him the whole truth".

Charlotte was astonished and could not believe her ears. "The whole truth? All of it?".

"Yes, even our shared kiss".

"I beg your pardon! Why would you tell him that explicit detail?", Charlotte asked clearly in distress. 

"He had heard me talk about it to you and asked later for the circumstances that led to it. And he told me the story of that poor boy who once was about to kiss you".

"Of course he would tell that story again".

"And he said that you must really like me if you let it happen".

Charlotte's heart started beating faster than before. Of course she liked him. Actually loved him with all her heart. But it was in vain.  
"Mr. Parker, we both know that this is leading nowhere. So, don't expect me to declare my undying love. Because -"

"Because you don't love me", Sidney cut her off with his eyes set on the floor and a sad expression on his face.

She couldn't bear to see him like that. All her determination not to declare her love was gone immediately. She squeezed his hand and lowered her voice while saying: "Sidney, of course I love you. And my answer would have been yes, a hundred thousand times yes! But neither your nor my feelings will change the situation. So we must both try to find happiness in our lives. With me being a close friend of Georgiana it is quite impossible to escape each other completely. But in remaining friends all should be fine".

Sidney couldn't take off his eyes of her. She had just called him by his Christian name. And she loved him, so much that she truly wished to be married to him. How could he proceed with the wedding to another by knowing this for sure now? By knowing for sure now how much pain he must have inflicted? He felt so overjoyed that she really returned his feelings but also sad that he was enslaved to Mrs. Campion. He would never find happiness without Charlotte and he wouldn't even try to find any.  
Now more than ever he felt the urge of finding another financial solution to Tom's mess. 

Charlotte slowly let go of his hand and put her right hand on her chest before giving in to a coughing attack. Before he could even realise it Sidney was by her side and holding her shoulders tight. His chin and mouth on her head. Whispering words of encouragement or placing light kisses on her hair. She had to grab his arm to gain more stability while coughing. Despite her suffering she noticed his nearness, his soft kisses on her head and the whispered words. She wanted to lean back and let him hold her forever. It felt so natural and right to both of them.  
But she needed to resist her desire in order to avoid more problems. When the coughing finally stopped Sidney offered her a glass of water which she drank. Then he kissed her forehead a second longer than usual and let go of her.  
"Shall I call Dr. Fuchs?", he asked, his voice soft and concerned.

"No, No. I'm fine. Thank you". 

The whole scene was witnessed by Georgiana and Lady Susan. They looked at each other and confirmed by looks to each other that they had to do something to ensure the happiness of these two love birds. 

"Charlotte, you are doing it again. And Mr. Parker, too. You look like mamma and papa before they kiss", Rose exclaimed and giggled. 

"This sister of yours is quite perceptive, my dear", Lady Susan noticed.  
She could see Charlotte blush deeply and Mr. Parker's ears taking a red tone. "Mr. Parker, I need some air. Would you care to join me? And in the meantime Miss Lambe and Charlotte can catch up a bit". 

Actually Sidney was reluctant to leave Charlotte but he assumed it was the best - at least as long as Rose was present. She really was very perceptive.  
"It would be my pleasure, Lady Worcester". 

They left Rose and Georgiana sitting next to Charlotte on her bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments on the last chapter! ❤   
> I'm still overwhelmed by your response.   
> Keep safe!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you so very much for taking your time to read and comment ❤

"First of all, you may call me Susan. After I had heard of your engagement to Mrs. C. I had actually decided to despise you. Then after a short but enlightening visit at Lady Denham's I had to refrain from my initial plan".

"And why that, mylady?".

"I thought you indifferent to my dear friend. At the regatta I was convinced that you must care for her for you went after her and left Mrs. C in the tent. But after receiving the news of your engagement to her I started mistrusting my intuition when it comes to love. And after we met in London I was quite confused to see you that much in despair. So I made my way to Lady Denham to make inquiries and to find out why you would marry another woman while still in love with our Charlotte". 

"And pray, what did Lady Denham tell you exactly?", Sidney asked cautiously. He feared that she might have been too open with her information. 

"Oh, everything. The fire, your brother's failure, the loss of her money and that you saved the town and your brother by engaging yourself to Mrs. C. I cannot tell you how much I regret that I was not present when you visited me in London. I might have had a solution. But now it is much more complicated".

Sidney wasn't able to respond. Of course he was fully aware of his impasse. "What's done is done". 

"But surely there must be a plan? Or have you come to love Mrs. C again and liking the idea of being married to her? Because I have an entirely other impression on that matter". 

"I can assure you that my heart only belongs to Charlotte and that will never change. But right now I see no way out of my arrangement with Eliza. Nobody else is willing to invest into Sanditon. My last hope is a friend in Antigua who is quite a businessman. But apart from the financial aspect how am I to break the engagement? We both know it's scandalous for a gentleman to do so. And yet there is nothing else I'd love to do than free myself and be with Charlotte".

Lady Susan smiled cheekily. "Then we have to make her break it."

"And how do you suggest we get her there? And what if it doesn't work?".

"Do you consider yourself irresistible to such a degree that she won't leave you?".

"Not in the least! But she made clear that she's determined to marry me".

"Don't underestimate my abilities, Mr. Parker. I will do everything in my power to help Charlotte. And you of course!".

"I appreciate every help I can get. May I be so bold and ask also for your help on the financial matter? Do you have any idea how I find investors or a fortune?".

"I'm already on it. I have set up some letters and will send them when I'm back in London. As soon as I receive an answer from my acquaintances I'll inform you".

"If this succeeds I will be most indebted to you!".

"My dear Sidney, just make her happy and love her as much as she deserves to be loved. That is all I wish for", Lady Susan said with a tender smile. 

"If ever given the opportunity I will make sure that she's the happiest and most loved of all women!", Sidney proclaimed. 

"We have a deal then! You try to keep up the pretence of your engagement to Mrs. C. I don't want her to suspect anything. She's the type of woman to bite back and we wouldn't want our plan to backfire. Meanwhile you contact your acquaintance in Antigua and I see what I can achieve financially". 

Lady Susan smiled brightly and linked her arm with Sidney's. They kept on walking for a few more minutes in joint silence before they decided to head back. Both of them eager to see Charlotte again.  
Upon their return the whole family and Georgiana were on the ground floor in the big drawing room and enjoying a meal. There was a cheery atmosphere and a lot of laughter and smiles. 

"Come, come. Please take a seat and join us", Mr. Heywood invited them as soon as they had entered. 

"Charlotte fell asleep and we let her rest", Georgiana explained for she had noticed Sidney's surprised but worried look. 

Rose asked him immediately if he'd like to sit next to her. Surely he couldn't refuse her offer. During lunch he learnt a lot about Charlotte's family and felt almost like being already a member of them. 

There were Anthony (24), Charlotte (22), Alison (20), the twins Samuel and Samantha (17), Timothy (14), Kate (12), Caleb (10), Anne (8), Jonathan (5), Peter (4) and the youngest one Rose (3). Anthony and Samuel had only left a few weeks ago to start studying in Oxford. Farmer's boys wouldn't usually visit a university but it was thanks to Lady Susan that both of them got to study at one. Lord Harrington, Lady Susan's eldest cousin, decided to do something meaningful with his fortune and established a charitable foundation that supported young men from humble homes financially to pursue an academic career if they were talented enough. Both had to go through some tests before they were picked.  
Of course Anthony was a bit late to study but he was truly gifted and no help on the fields because he'd much rather have his nose stuck in one of the farm's records and account books. He would calculate how to save money or make more money in order to obtain the farm. Samuel was a good handyman but also very much interested in science, pharmacy and medicine. Sidney hoped that he would meet them some time eventually. The more he listened to stories from Charlotte's family the more he grew fond of them. While everyone around him was merry a deep sadness washed over him. Right now it seemed that he would never be allowed to call them family. Instead he would be stuck with Eliza and her dreadful mother who never really liked him. Surely they wouldn't sit like this at noon and enjoy a meal in relaxed manners. Everything would be cold and stiff and impersonal. No laughing, no singing children, no debates about who was the better shooter or about the most talented poet of the century.  
He would have to listen to gossip and more gossip. Because that was all Eliza and her mother would talk about. At least when he was present. Perhaps they also spoke about other things when he was absent. But he wouldn't know. 

Apart from his grief he came to realise why Rose would know so much about affectionate looks. Her parents were definitely not shy to show their deep love for each other openly. Every now and then Sidney would catch them looking at each other longingly. He was happy to see that they were still that much in love after 25 years of marriage. It was exactly what Sidney had wished for as soon as he realised his love for Charlotte. And now .... he sighed deeply but not unnoticed. 

Mr. Heywood was examining him most of the time and could see the inner turmoil of this man displayed on his face. He really would have liked to help him. But there was nothing he could do. A distraction would surely be welcomed on his part.  
"Pray, Mr. Parker, would you do us the honour of reading out loud to us? Everyday after lunch we extend our knowledge by reading - preferably a philosophy essay - and discussing it the next day during lunch".

"That's a wonderful idea to let Mr. Parker read today and meanwhile I'll check up on Charlotte", Alison exclaimed and jumped up from her seat. 

"Alison Heywood! You don't play games with me. I know how much you dislike philosophy. You're just using your sister as an excuse to leave!".

Everybody started laughing when Alison turned around and was blushing. 

"But perhaps it is a good idea to check on Charlotte. If she needs more water or anything else. Just let her go, please", Mrs. Heywood pleaded. 

"Fine! But just this time!", Mr. Heywood answered with a strict voice but a little smile on his lips.  
He passed a book to Sidney and leaned back in his seat. 

As soon as Sidney opened it he was at loss for words. Inside was a white feather. He recognised it immediately as the one Charlotte was wearing on her first ball in Sanditon. And the page opened now was the one with the river quote of Heraclitus. She must have been reading the quote as many times as he had been thinking about it for the page was already a bit worn out. 

"Oh that must be Charlotte's. She always leaves her bookmarks everywhere. Please proceed, Sir".

Sidney cleared his throat and switched to another chapter. He started reading and everyone was captured by his deep, melodic voice. After he finished everybody clapped and they were dismissed to leave the table. The teenage boys and girls went to attend to their tasks. The little ones started playing on the floor. Mr. Heywood had to leave for the inn to pass on the news of Charlotte's awakening and to run some errands. 

Mrs. Heywood asked the guests if they'd like to sit with Charlotte for a while. Lady Susan excused herself for she was very exhausted from her trip and wished to rest in her accommodation. So Georgiana and Sidney were left to sit with her again. As soon as they were with her Alison left to help her mother. 

Charlotte was still sound asleep and when she didn't move the next hour Sidney started to worry. What if she was in a stupor again? Or if her fever came back? Georgiana was curled up next to her and also asleep. Sidney stood up from his seat and softly touched her forehead to check on her temperature. It was warm but not hot. He sighed in relief and couldn't resist to place a light kiss where he had touched her before. When he came to sit again he saw her slowly opening her eyes. At first she looked confused but when her eyes found him she looked very much at peace and smiled slowly. He hold her gaze and knew he would drown in the depth of her eyes. Slowly he took her hand. 

"How are you feeling?".

"Quite well. Just a bit thirsty".

Sidney stood up again and handed her a glass of water. He helped her sit up a bit and didn't let go of her shoulder. 

"Mr. Parker? What are we doing here? You are not supposed to touch me at all. And I'm not supposed to enjoy every touch of yours", she said blushing. 

"You enjoy my touches?!", he asked with a seductive voice but in a teasing tone. 

Now her eyes displayed grief. "Please, don't", was all she could reply in a pleading tone. 

Sidney let go of her and walked to the window to open it and let a bit of fresh air in.  
"I came to get to know your family a great deal more today. They are wonderful. Very funny and quite communicative", he said still standing with his back to her. 

"I'm glad you like them. After all we are farmer's people...what could we possibly have in common with anyone from London".

He turned back to her. "Don't say that. Lady Susan was very entertained and laughing much of the time. And even Georgiana was enjoying herself. I was surprised to see her in deep conversation with Jonathan. Never mention anything Mrs. Campion implied again! She doesn't know what she's talking about. I'd much rather stay here forever than return to London. I hope you know that!".

"Oh I can assure you that you would get bored soon enough! Even I feel the monotony of Willingden after tasting Sanditon".

"Wherever you are I would never get bored".

"Mr. Parker, please stop philandering with me. You are engaged to be married. We must stop this and start being friends. Do you understand me?".

"Does this mean I'm never allowed to compliment you again on a new dress, a new hat or a new idea of yours?".

"It shouldn't be that hard for you. After all I'm only the maid, sitting in my father's house with the embroidery", she told him grinning. 

He couldn't help but laugh. Oh Lord, how much he loved this extraordinary woman and her sense of humour! Before he could answer Georgiana started waking up and their little banter came to an end.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I would like to respond to some of the comments I'm afraid that I might give away too much - which is why I'll remain silent and keep on posting. Hope you enjoy.  
> Thank you ❤

"Oh it's already getting dark outside. I hope I didn't disturb you during your sleep?", Georgiana said while sitting up. 

Charlotte smiled and put an arm around her shoulders. "Not in the least. I've just woken up. I'm the one who needs to be sorry for being such bad and boring company". 

"Charlotte! You are alive and that is all we had hoped for. Of course you still have a way of recovery and we are here to support you in any way we can. At least I am. I suppose Sidney has at some point to leave for his witch".

"Georgiana, please don't speak of Mrs. Campion like that. She will be soon the wife of your guardian and you'll need to respect her".

"But she hates me ...and I dislike her too. I wish....well ...no matter", Georgiana let her head down. 

Sidney was listening but had turned to watch out the window again. He didn't want to leave. Unless with Charlotte. But that was impossible. Well not completely - they could still elope and get married in Scotland and then he would take her to Antigua and build up a whole new life with her. This idea was frequently showing up on his mind. Of course Charlotte deserved more. Only the best. And what good would it do to begin their life together in scandal? No there was no way he would do it or even propose it to Charlotte. Apart from the scandal there was still his family who needed him to ensure the money in order to save Sanditon and them. 

Charlotte decided to change the topic and asked: "What essay on philosophy did father read today after lunch?".

"Actually he made Sidney read it. It was something from Heraclitus and the passage we're discussing tomorrow is: 'The unlike is joined together, and from differences results the most beautiful harmony'".

Here Sidney turned back to face Charlotte and both smiled at each other. It was the perfect quote for their relationship so far. While Sidney was rather uncommunicative Charlotte was all the more open. While Charlotte had not seen much of the world yet he had all the more. Of course they also had a lot in common: their impulse to speak their mind, their honesty with others, their loyalty towards family and friends. And their love for each other.

"Please stop doing this! You both need to conceal your feelings better. When even a child can figure out that you are in love what do think will others do?", Georgiana said in a chiding tone. 

Charlotte was surprised to learn that Georgiana came to believe Sidney's feelings for her. She actually considered her to mistrust him still. But Georgiana was absolutely right. They needed to stop throwing longing looks at each other. It was the wrong thing to do ...and yet it felt so right.  
Suddenly Charlotte felt all over exhausted again. She came to lay down and Georgiana curled up next to her again. 

"You are absolutely right. Right now I just want to sleep again. Every bone in my body seems to be hurting and my head is full of thoughts".

Sidney then lit the candles in the room and said: "Georgiana do you need anything? I think I'll take my leave now and head to the inn".

"No, thank you. I'm fine. Now that Charlotte is recovering I'm really fine", she answered while smiling at Charlotte and taking her hand. Charlotte smiled slightly back as she was already starting to fall asleep. 

The image of both young women smiling at each other filled Sidney with warmth. It was the right decision to come here and reunite Georgiana with Charlotte.  
He left the room as quietly as he could and then said his goodbyes to the Heywood's. They invited him to dinner but he declined as he was very tired himself and he still had to write a note to Tom and Stringer in order to inform them of Charlotte's recovery. At the inn he had been told that the note would leave with the morning post and he was fine with it. He skipped dinner and as soon as his head touched the cushions he was sound asleep. 

It was that night that Mr. Heywood confided in his wife and told her Charlotte's story. He hold her tight while she cried.  
"My poor girl, and she never said a word. I could sense a heartache but I would never have imagined it to be such a heartbreak. She must have suffered even more in trying to conceal it. Oh my poor, poor Charlotte. I wish we could help them. I would do anything to see her happy". 

"Me too, my dear. But as we don't have money to spare our hands are tied. And moreover there are more ways to happiness than through a husband", Mr. Heywood said calmly. 

His wife looked up to him: "Of course there are. But our girls will need to marry eventually. We cannot provide for them forever. And a loving husband can be the best thing to happen to them. You know as well as I do that none of our girls could earn her own money. Well except as a teacher or governess. And although Charlotte is a good teacher to her siblings I'd much rather see her settled with Mr. Parker and having her own family".

"You don't believe England is ready for its first lady architect Alison Heywood? She drives me crazy with her constant use of my paper. I had to order a new roll just today when I went into the village", he said with fake annoyance in his voice.

His wife chuckled. "She is quite passionate and it is nice to see that she tries to use her talent for something useful. She was growing bored by only drawing her siblings or the landscape. Charlotte's depiction of Sanditon gave her new inspiration. I would wish for her that England was ready but I fear none of us will live to witness it. Maybe some day in the future we will have female architects, physicians, lawyers, scientists and so on. But for now we have to hope that all our girls find upright husbands and lead happy lives". 

"Hmm maybe time changes faster than we expect. I hope it will", Mr. Heywood said and pulled his wife closer to him to give her the obligatory good-night kiss.

Sidney couldn't remember a time where he had slept that well. It was the chirping of the birds that woke him up at dawn. But he didn't mind at all being up that early. He opened the window and let the cool air in. He inhaled deeply and felt peace. He watched the sunrise and then got himself ready to leave for the Heywood's. His thoughts were all Charlotte. He hoped that she would feel better today and improve from each day to the other. The first three days here in Willingden he had not noticed what a wonderful place it was. It was a quaint village and everybody greeted him as if they had known him for years. Today on his fourth day he could acknowledge all the merits of Willingden. Deep down he knew that Charlotte of course was the greatest appeal it had to offer. He was still aware that he was bound in honour to another one. But he pushed that thought far away to enjoy his time in Willingden and take in as much Charlotte as he could to raise his spirits. Knowing that Lady Susan was supporting him to find a way out of this engagement was already a relief - and yet he dared not to hope too much. It would be even more devastating if they failed.  
When he finally arrived at the house it was Mrs. Heywood who opened the door. 

"Oh my dear, dear Mr. Parker, please come in", she greeted him with tears in her eyes. 

"Mrs. Heywood, what is it? Is Miss Heywood -?".

Mrs. Heywood shook her head and answered: "She is fine. Even a bit better than yesterday and the night was also uneventful". 

"Are these happy tears then?"

"Unfortunately not, but never mind, Sir".

Sidney then knew that Mr. Heywood had spoken to her and informed her about Charlotte and his story so far. He took her hand and on he placed a kiss.  
"Please know that I would have loved to belong to your family very much. But the most important thing now is that Charlotte recovers quickly and everything else will somehow work out", he sounded more hopeful than he felt but he didn't want her being sad. 

She smiled warmly and patted his hand with her other, then whispered: "Thank you!". 

Mr. Heywood came in from behind him.  
"Ah, Mr. Parker! Good morning. Dr. Fuchs is already here and wants a word with you. He's waiting in my study. Go ahead, you still remember which direction?!".

"Good morning, Sir. Yes, I do, thank you".

Sidney left for the study and was a little concerned about what the Dr. might tell him. Was it something about Charlotte? Had he detected complications he didn't want to share with the family yet? Sidney was all worries when he stepped into the study. 

"Ah, good morning Mr. Parker".

"Good morning, Dr. Fuchs. So what is the matter? Is it something about Miss Heywood?", Sidney asked anxiously. 

"No, no everything is fine. But there are two other matters: for one I need to go back to Sanditon today. I received a note from one of my patients there. And secondly Mr. Heywood asked me to tell him how much they owe me. I informed him of our arrangement but he said he won't have it". 

Sidney sighed in relief. Charlotte was fine. Everything else was irrelevant. 

"I will take care of Mr. Heywood and you'll receive the rest of the sum as soon as I'm back in Sanditon".

"Thank you, Sir. I will be back in two weeks to check on Miss Heywood and I asked the family to inform me immediately if she should get worse again".

"Thank you, Dr. Fuchs. I wish you a safe journey. Good day".

Both men parted and Sidney went into the drawing room to find the family at breakfast. He was quite hungry after skipping dinner last night and so he accepted the invitation to join them offered by Mrs. Heywood without hesitation. 

The children were all captivated by Georgiana's tales about Antigua. After telling them about the rogue waves that would hit the shore sometimes Jonathan shyly proclaimed that he would very much like to see it someday. 

"You don't have to travel that far for rogue waves, Jonathan. Charlotte told us there were also some she witnessed in Sanditon", his father informed him.  
Then he turned his attention to Mr. Parker. "What are your plans for today, Sir? If you have time to spare I would love to show you the cottages and the farm. If you are indeed interested?!".

He was actually - but he was more so eager to spend time with Charlotte again. Of course he didn't want to insult Mr. Heywood which is why he accepted the invitation. If somehow he was to be his future father-in-law he would not offend him by being disinterested in the farm. 

However luckily Mrs. Heywood was a true romantic soul and offered Mr. Parker to make a short call on Charlotte before he would be outdoors with Mr. Heywood. 

Charlotte was sitting on her bed and drinking a cup of tea when someone knocked on her door. "Come in". Her heart started to beat out of control at the sight of him. His warm smile and affectionate look were more than she could take. 

"Good morning, Miss Heywood. How are you feeling today?".

"Very well, thank you. And you, are you also well, Mr. Parker?".

"Very much, thank you". 

They kept looking at each other. Longing. Sidney's eyes tilted to her mouth and he really fought the urge to kiss her right here and now. When Charlotte saw what he wished to do her body started to tingle everywhere. How much she longed to kiss him too. But it wasn't right. As long as he was engaged to Mrs. Campion there was no way it would happen. Sidney instead took her hand and kissed her affectionately and for many seconds. As much as Charlotte enjoyed this caress she pulled her hand away. 

"Mr. Parker, you shouldn't have".

"Why not? I kiss many ladies' hand. It is etiquette".

"Yes, it is. But it is the meaning of the kiss that makes it improper. At least I hope that you don't kiss every ladies' hand the way you did now".

"Do I detect jealousy?", he asked in a playful tone.

Charlotte laughed. "Would you like me to be jealous?".

"Very much so! A small amount of jealousy proves the tenderness of the heart. But exaggerated jealousy is always misplaced".

"Except the man you are engaged to is showing another woman his affection", Charlotte noticed seriously. 

Sidney sighed and yet he couldn't help but be amazed by her empathy for others. Eliza never treated her well and yet Charlotte was defending her. 

"This man cannot help it. The woman his heart desires is simply perfect and no other could ever live up to her".

"A promise is still a promise".

"Even if it was made out of despair and not out of love?".

"Even then, Mr. Parker. Or especially then because it will prove the man's good character if he keeps his word. And this woman you mentioned will love him all the more for it". 

What turmoil! Being so much in love and yet not allowed to be together. Both of them felt the heaviness of their situation. It felt like being choked. United in pain instead of love. 

Georgiana entered and informed Sidney that Mr. Heywood was waiting for him in the garden. At Charlotte's enquiring look he explained to her that her father invited him to see the cottages and the premises. After a last smile he left the room.


	16. Chapter 16

"Papa, I see what you are doing", Alison approached her father while he was standing in the garden and waiting for Mr. Parker to join him. 

"Do you?!", he asked amused and with one eyebrow raised. 

"You are testing him. Or at least Charlotte's judgement. You want to see if he is as good and as he seems to be. And you're testing his patience by keeping him from Charlotte".

"Do I?!", was all he could reply as Mr. Parker was on his way towards him. 

It was a pleasant walk. Mr. Heywood asked some questions about Mr. Parker's family and about his time in Antigua. Sidney in return asked a lot about the tenants and farming in general. They got along very well and came back early in the noon. Mr. Heywood then excused himself to attend to his paperwork and made Sidney promise to stay until lunch.   
Finally Sidney was free to go to Charlotte again. He found her sleeping. Lady Susan, Georgiana and Kate were also present in her room. He greeted them and positioned himself next to the window. From here he could see her best. She looked even better than in the morning. Less pale and with rosy cheeks. A wave of deep love and adoration washed over him by watching her. He was so proud of her for rescuing the boy and surviving her fever. 

Georgiana cleared her throat and gave him a warning look. 

"So how did you like the premise and the landscape?", Kate asked Sidney very shyly. 

"Very much. It is charming and quiet. If someone needs to clear his head I would say Willingden is the place to go. And I really might come back to do that every now and then". 

Kate smiled brightly at his response. To have a gentleman from London say that Willingden was charming was surely high praise. 

"Oh and I am sure the people here will also draw you back, will they not", Lady Susan asked teasingly. 

A little embarrassed Sidney tilted his head and with a soft voice he said: "Yes, I believe so".

After a few moments of silence Sidney asked Kate about her everyday life. He wanted to know what tasks everyone had and how a usual day in Willingden passed off. After accusing Charlotte of an idle life he needed to know the truth. Everything he learned about made him smile because now he understood how Charlotte was who she was. She was appreciated by her siblings; they respected and loved her very much.   
She seemed to be a very patient sister who taught them a lot and gave everyone her attention. She would never put herself first and was always concerned about their welfare. 

Lady Susan could see that Sidney's affection for Charlotte was growing by the minute and yet she detected a sadness in his facial expression. Surely he must feel the loss of such a wonderful woman more acutely by hearing about all her virtues. This made Lady Susan only more determined. She would leave tomorrow and start working on her plan. 

An hour before lunch Mr. Heywood asked for Sidney to join him in his study again. Reluctantly but politely he agreed. 

"I was in the village to run some errands when I heard that the doctor had left. Surely this must be a misunderstanding", Mr. Heywood began the conversation. 

"No, Sir. He told me this morning that he would be leaving but coming back in a fortnight to check on Miss Heywood again".

"I told him explicitly not to leave until the account is settled!".

"Sir, I had already paid him in advance in Sanditon. And I will take care of any other account. It is the least I can do".

Mr. Heywood looked displeased and frowned. "We do not need charity, Mr. Parker".

"I know. It isn't meant as such. I know that there is nothing I can do to undo the past events and ...the misery I brought upon your daughter but at least let me help her recover. Even if it is only a physical recovery at the moment". 

Mr. Heywood eyed him, then he sighed and said: "I suppose there is no point in arguing with you on this matter. Gentleman like you are very persistent in my experience". 

"Thank you! Doing this really means a lot to me". 

Mr. Heywood kept the conversation upright by enquiring about his view on Plato and Aristotle. They kept talking and laughing until lunch was ready.   
Sidney couldn't believe that he was so comfortable with talking to Charlotte's father. It was like talking to a good friend. Both respected each other and enjoyed the company and the lively exchange of views. Although he was missing Charlotte her truly liked spending time with her family. 

During Sidney's absence and after Kate excused herself Lady Susan had the opportunity to get to know Georgiana better. She already knew a great deal from listening to her the day prior when she talked to the children. But the most pressing information Lady Susan wished to know was of course not shared with anyone. 

"So, Miss Lambe, how is your heart mending?", she came straight to the point. 

Miss Lambe was clearly startled by this question. 

"I'm surprised Lady Worcester. How would you know my story?".

"Well, there has been some whispered rumours but it was Charlotte who confided in me in London and Sanditon. She was very concerned on your behalf. So, have you had word from him?".

Georgiana was a little uncomfortable to speak about it. Yet she hadn't the chance to entrust herself to anyone. Sidney's reaction was unpredictable and Charlotte had her own mess to deal with. She took a deep breath and answered: "Yes, Lady Worcester. I received a letter after Charlotte left to Willingden. I was very surprised to hear from him at all and I still don't know how to behave now ...or how to feel". 

"May I ask what the letter said?".

"It said that he has enlisted in the navy where he hope's to prosper and that he still loves me fiercely...and that I should wait for him. He promises that he would come back to me". 

"And you are struggling with believing him", Lady Susan pointed out the fact.

Georgiana felt embarrassed and only looked away. 

"What are your feelings for him? Do feel anger? Disappointment? Regret? Or do you still feel a strong affection?".

Georgiana still couldn't meet her eyes. "All of it. That is the problem. I know I'm angry because he did not tell me about his gambling debts. And I'm disappointed that he used my name to buy time instead of being forthright. I regret that things happened as they did. But I can't betray my heart. It still beats for him and if he truly meant what he wrote, I might take him back. You see, he is the only one who truly understands me. All of me". 

"I see. If he proves himself sincere then you'll let him court you. What is it you are most afraid of?".

"That he might be a fortune hunter and that he never really loved me".

"Well that is easy, my dear. If he comes back, tell him that you lost the money. Then he will show his real face and you'll know for certain about his motives". 

Georgiana kept thinking about it and smiled slowly. "Thank you, Lady Worcester. I'll keep that in mind if he ever was to come".

"Oh please, call me Susan. I think we are way past formalities after talking about your vie amoureuse. And I'll be bold enough to call you Georgiana".

Georgiana gave her consent and they switched the topic and talked about previous London balls they had attended. 

Charlotte was slowly waking up when she heard Lady Susan and Georgiana laugh about a funny incident at a London ball. She opened her eyes, sat up and took the glass next to her bed to drink from it. 

"Oh Charlotte, I fear we woke you by our loud laughter", Georgiana said as soon as she noticed her.

"Not at all! I slept very well and seeing your happy faces upon waking up fills me with joy", Charlotte replied smiling brightly. 

Both came to sit next to her on each side. 

"How I wish to see you truly happy again soon", Lady Susan stated earnestly. 

"At the moment I am happy. Really. I have a lot to be grateful for. I survived. The house is filled with people I love and everyone is healthy".

Georgiana was about to object, when Mrs. Heywood came in and invited them to go downstairs and eat lunch. Of course she didn't leave the room without kissing and hugging her daughter and asking her if she needed anything. 

"No, I'm alright. But it's a pity I'm going to miss the reading". 

Lady Susan, Georgiana and her mother left the room and she took one of the books next to her bed and started reading. At least she tried to. Everytime her mind would seek out Sidney. The image of him smiling was imprinted there. It filled her with warmth but also with disappointment. If things were differently she would already be his wife. She smiled at the thought. Maybe they would be also here in Willingden and visiting her family.   
Stop it!, she reprimanded herself. It is no good. Leave it and try to move along.   
She tried to resume reading and succeeded until her whole family and friends joined her. Her mother served her a chicken soup and fresh baked bread.   
"You seemed so disheartened that I convinced your papa to remove the discussion and reading up here", her mother said while stroking her cheek.

"Thank you, mamma!".

While Charlotte was eating they discussed the quote from yesterday. And after she finished up Mr. Heywood asked Sidney to read again. Rose sat on his lap and Peter to his feet. He read Plato and again everybody was captivated by his reading.   
Charlotte couldn't help but have constantly goosebumps. She loved his deep masculine voice and the way he emphasized specific words was utterly attractive. She would not look away...she couldn't. How he sat there with her youngest siblings nearby in complete peace with himself and his surroundings. It was everything. Her heart seemed to burst with love and pride. 

When he finished he looked up and immediately found her eyes. She looked at him with such deep affection that it almost took his breath away. 

Her parents, Lady Susan, Georgiana, Samantha and Kate witnessed this display of love but didn't say anything. The one who was perceptive and might have spoken up was asleep on Sidney's lap. 

Mrs. Heywood noticed and exclaimed: "Well, our Rose must feel pretty safe with you, Sir. She never falls asleep for her nap unless it is with her father, me, Alison or Charlotte". 

"And here I thought my reading bored and made her sleep", Sidney replied while reluctantly taking his eyes from Charlotte. Everybody chuckled. 

"I am pretty sure that at least one person here found your reading quite ...stimulating", Mr. Heywood said dry. 

Charlotte blushed deeply. She really needed to be in better control of her feelings. 

Sidney cleared his throat while feeling how his ears became pretty hot. "Where is Rose's bed? I'd like to put her down. I suppose my lap isn't providing the same comfort as a bed".

It was Charlotte who answered: "Oh please next to me. I missed cuddling with her". 

Mr. Heywood was already ushering most of the Heywood children out when Sidney stood up and placed Rose next to Charlotte. He kneeled down with one knee on the bed for support while laying her down. After he tucked her in his glance come to lay on Charlotte. Both of them felt flushed immediately. He was so close Charlotte could feel his breath on her skin. How much she yearned to kiss him in that moment. 

He was like petrified. This felt like the place he needed to be. Next to his love. Who looked at him like she was waiting for a kiss. He couldn't help it. He moved a little bit closer and then ...Rose made a move to the other side and the spell was broken. Sidney clenched his jaw and Charlotte looked away deeply embarrassed. 

"Well, let's open a window. It is getting really hot in here, don't you think", Lady Susan suggested. 

Mrs. Heywood and Alison escaped the room without a further comment. They closed the door and looked at each other. 

"I have never seen such passion and love in our Charlotte's eyes. I know we should have stopped them but I was too shocked. Oh Alison, now my heart bleeds all the more for them. Charlotte might never find someone who worships her as Mr. Parker does", Mrs. Heywood said with new tears in her eyes. Alison also shed some tears but wasn't able to reply. 

Inside Sidney had to move to the window to cool down. He knew it felt right in that particular moment ...but was he really about to kiss her in front of her friends and her family?! She made him lose control over himself so easily. He didn't dare to look at her. Who knows what might happen again? 

Lady Susan informed Charlotte that she planned to leave tomorrow seeing that she was recovering quite well. "Whenever you feel like it you are always welcome to come visit me at Melrose Place. I would love to show you London in April when the cherry blossoms. Of course you can bring whoever you want and you are also welcome, dear Georgiana".

"I would love to see it. And I'm sure Alison would love to accompany me. But we have to see if our parents can spare us at that time", Charlotte replied. 

"Well, let me talk to them later and we will see what the future might bring. First of all you need to recover completely and then we can make plans and arrangements". 

Charlotte fell eventually asleep again and Sidney risked only one look at her and Rose before he left the room to go for a little walk. When he stepped into the corridor in front of the drawing room he heard Samantha saying: "Either you are too stupid to learn these words or I am a bad teacher. Probably both". Then he heard someone cry and he entered the room. Samantha looked desperate. 

"What is the matter?", Sidney asked softly and kneeled down next to Anne who was crying now. 

"I can't remember the words and Samantha says I'm stupid".

"I said you might be stupid. But I might be a bad teacher as well. We will never know until Alison has time to take over and try her luck with you", Samantha said annoyed. 

Sidney looked at the words and smiled. "Might I try and help you?".

"But Sir, you are a gentleman and you shouldn't have to do so". 

"But I would love to help. Let's see. Sometimes it helps to create a memory hook".

"What is that?", Anne asked with furrowed brows. 

Sidney smiled and started explaining.   
He was fully concentrated on Anne that he did not notice he had been observed by Mr. Heywood and Alison. 

"I told you he's good. I assume he passed your tests?", she whispered. 

He father only gave her a weak smile as reply and left for his study. 

Alison wanted to go back and take care of the laundry when a firm knock announced visitors. She opened the door and smiled brightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ❤


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you enough for all your lovely comments and the comments in the "Sanditon survival book club" group ❤❤❤

Mr. Stringer still couldn't believe that he was on a journey with the Parkers to attend Charlotte's funeral. Sweet, gentle Charlotte. Although he knew that she didn't return his feelings he still valued her as a dear friend. When she left Sanditon he had hoped to see her someday again. Now he would perhaps only see her in her coffin.   
Mrs. Parker wouldn't stop crying on the whole journey. She slept intermittently when her exhaustion took over but never spoke. Mr. Parker looked also miserable. James knew that he was fond of Charlotte but he would never have guessed that he would be so deeply affected. He always seemed consumed by all things Sanditon that it was unusual to see him fully focused on anything other. While they were coming closer to their destination Mrs. Parker's sobs grew heavier and James was afraid that she might faint. Instead she opened her mouth for the first time on this journey: "Look, Tom. Here was the spot where the carriage turned over and Charlotte came to our aid!".  
"Yes, I believe it is. It was our luck that she was nearby", Mr. Parker said while he patted his wife's hand.  
"Oh Tom, I cannot believe that she is dead by now!".   
Neither of them could. And yet here they were on their way to pay their last respect. 

Mary unknowingly to the two fellow passengers struggled with her guilt. She had let Charlotte leave unhappy and with a broken heart only to save her children and herself. Now there was no chance at making amends. Charlotte died mourning and it was all her fault. If she had had the courage to speak up and let Tom resolve the mess he created Sidney could now be happily married. She was fully aware that Sidney still would have offered his help somehow but surely he would not have been obliged to engage himself to Eliza. And now it was too late. 

When they finally arrived Mr. Parker was the first to get off the carriage. He helped his wife and then it was James' turn to leave the carriage. He took a deep breath of the clean and cool air. It was a very nice place and he would have enjoyed it if the reason for him being in Willingden after all wasn't so sad.  
Mr. and Mrs. Parker headed to the front door and James followed close behind.   
After Mr. Parker's knock the door was opened and he was a little bewildered: this beautiful woman was clearly Charlotte's sister. She had similar brown eyes and the colour of her hair was the same. But why would she smile so breathtakingly? Had she not just lost her beloved sister? Or was she just being nice and putting up a brave front?   
Either way he was angry at himself for acknowledging her beauty at all while dear Charlotte was dead. He would never replace her that fast and easily in his heart, would he? Usually he considered himself to be a loyal soul and not erratic in his affections. He would have to ignore this strange thoughts. After all he was just a visitor and he came for a funeral of a beloved friend and not to find a new love! 

"Mr. and Mrs. Parker! How wonderful to see you again. And might I ask who is accompanying you?", Alison greeted them kindly.   
"This is Mr. Stringer, our-", Mr. Parker started to say but was interrupted.   
"Oh the architect. How wonderful to finally meet you. Please do come in".   
Why did Charlotte never mention how handsome Mr. Stringer was? He entered and took off his hat which seemed to be too big but she still thought it very cute. Alison would have dwelt on her thoughts about Mr. Stringer's twee curls and how the sun which was already standing low let them shimmer golden - however Mrs. Parker reached for her hand and said with a shaking voice and teary eyes: "We are so utterly sorry for your loss". 

"Oh did you not receive Mr. Sidney Parker's note in time then?! All is well. Charlotte is recovering". 

"She is? Splendid! This is great news! Do you hear this, Mary?", Mr. Parker cheered.   
But his wife was at the edge of fainting and Mr. Stringer had to catch her when her legs became week. 

"Oh no, please take her to the drawing room. There she can be seated. Please follow me. Sammy? Please hurry and bring a glass of water!", Alison instructed while heading to the drawing room. 

She was alive. She was still alive and Mary could ask for forgiveness properly. Or even try to help and resolve the chaos her husband created. Not all was lost now. Suddenly she was sitting on a chair and Sidney was talking to her. But she couldn't hear him clearly and how did she get on the chair in the first place?   
It took a while before Mary could hear and speak again.  
"Are you alright? Mary? Please answer. You scare us!", Sidney was gently touching her shoulders.   
Finally she looked up, hugged him and cried a lot. Mainly happy tears out of relief. Sidney hold her very close and smiled the whole time. 

James was a little touched by this scene. He had never seen Sidney Parker so relaxed and...happy. Perhaps his feelings for Charlotte were genuine. But why would he marry another one? Sidney Parker would stay a puzzle to him. However when Mrs. Parker had finally gathered herself they were welcomed warmly by her parents. 

Alison made her way up to see if Charlotte was awake again. She was indeed and after telling her about the new visitors Lady Susan decided to take leave but promised to be back in the morning to say goodbye. 

Georgiana too decided to make space for the Parkers and Mr. Stringer. And to be honest although it was very cold she yearned to play a little with and in the snow. It was still a new sensation to her. In Antigua she had never witnessed such a heavy snowfall and Jonathan had told her about building snowmen and about snowball fights. She wanted to experience it herself and now seemed a good time while Charlotte was occupied by her other friends.   
She went down and asked Mrs. Heywood quietly for permission to take some of the children outdoors. Of course Mrs. Heywood consented and gathered the children herself. 

Sidney had no intention to be in a room with Tom, Mary and Charlotte. He wasn't sure to hide his emotions well enough and then it would only be Mary who would suffer out of guilt. Oh and Stringer would keep starring at him sceptically. He didn't need any of it. And as Rose came slowly down with tired eyes and found her way into his arms he asked her: "Would you like to join the others? They are building a snowman I suppose".  
Rose jumped immediately from his arms and went to get her coat. Sidney couldn't help but laugh at her enthusiasm. 

Mary couldn't believe her eyes and ears. Since Charlotte's departure in early September last year she hadn't seen him laugh so wholeheartedly once. Not even with her own children. This brought another tear of happiness to her eye. They followed Mr. Heywood up to Charlotte's room and then entered. Mary walked immediately up to Charlotte and embraced her tightly. 

"I am so happy to see you recovering! You have no idea, my dear. Please forgive me! I know it is much to ask but I will try to do better and work on something to let you two be together", she whispered in her hear. 

Charlotte looked at her in surprise. She suspected that Mary was aware of the growing affection between Sidney and her but she hadn't realised that Mary would feel responsible for the way things turned out.   
"Mary, everything is fine. No apologies needed. I'm so happy to see you all. I cannot believe that you would leave Sanditon at this point and come visit me".

"We tried to stay away but after receiving a note from Sidney that you have only a few hours to live we decided to come as fast as possible to at least attend your funeral", Tom replied. 

"Well I'm sorry that you made your journey in vain - but I'm not sorry I am still alive. I hope you weren't forced to leave important business behind".

"Unfortunately we did. Now that Sanditon is expanding again thanks to dear Eliza's investment we have a lot to do. We left matters to oversee to Fred Robinson because young Stringer was eager to accompany us. I hope we won't regret it". 

Mary felt very uncomfortable with Tom speaking about Eliza so fondly.   
"Tom? Why don't you show Charlotte what you brought with you?".

"Ah yes, my dear. I almost forgot", he put his hands into his coat pockets and pulled out three jars. One seemed to be empty, the second was filled with sand and the third with water.   
"It might seem like a silly idea now. But I know that you love Sanditon as much as I do which is why I brought you the sea air, sand from the beach and water from the sea. We still have a basket full of sea shells which were collected by the children. We would have put them on your grave", Tom explained enthusiastically. 

Yes, it was a little silly but also very thoughtful. Charlotte was very touched and felt tears coming up. "Thank you so much. I like having a piece of Sanditon here with me while I'm recovering. But now tell me Mr. Stringer how is Sanditon doing so far? Is the rebuilding of the terrace finished?".   
The conversation was from now on all about Sanditon and its progress. 

Meanwhile the children, Georgiana and Sidney had a lot of fun playing in the snow. Rose had her personal shield in Sidney. Every time a snowball would come flying her direction she would hide under his coat. Unfortunately her siblings loved aiming at her which made Sidney a constant victim. But he fought quite well. Of course he tried to throw the snowballs softly out of fear to hurt someone however he still defended himself.   
After an hour of laughter and fun Mrs. Heywood called the children inside to eat dinner. Today they would eat separated from the adults because it were so many and they needed the space. The children reluctantly went inside and Georgiana and Sidney stayed in the garden. 

"Well, I have never seen you so happy, Sidney. How come the change?", Georgiana asked cautiously. 

Sidney smiled. "I believe it is this place. All my problems seem miles away and of course she is here. Although one of my problems is currently in the house. I fear my haven was discovered and now I'll transform back to moody Sidney". 

"Oh please don't! I hate moody Sidney. I much prefer you like now. Could all this change be Charlotte alone? Does she have so much power over you?".

He blushed a little and nodded. "You have no idea how much! And I love it. It feels right and ...natural". 

Georgiana still had to get used to lovesick Sidney. Yes, she liked him much better than the old Sidney Parker but it was still strange. Now that they had a moment alone she needed to get something out of her chest.   
"Did you never wonder why I despised you so much when you brought me here?". 

Sidney was surprised at the shift of topic but he still answered willingly: "I took you from your beloved home, I put you into the charge of a strange woman, I didn't approve of your choice of husband and either I ignored you or shouted at you. Anything else you would like to add?".

"Your list is quite accurate. But there is indeed one thing. What about Grace? How could you do this to her?".

"Grace? What do you mean?", Sidney asked astonished. 

"Two days before we left I found her crying on the staircase leading to our backyard. When I asked her what happened she would only say your name and shake her head. I knew that she was smitten by you and that she hoped you would return her feelings". 

"I didn't. That's why I talked to her that morning. I never meant to hurt her. But I didn't want her to get her hope up when there was none".

"But what about the kiss? She told me about it!".

Sidney felt quite embarrassed now. "Yes. That should not have happened at all. I was a little drunk and she is a very attractive woman. But that is no excuse. It was wrong and I apologised. Now we are only business partners and I suppose she has forgiven me. Did you know she is engaged? The wedding is set for this summer and I'm invited as are you".

"Excuse me? You stayed in touch with her? And what business?", Georgiana never expected this answer from him. 

"We write each other quite frequently. She asked me many times why you stopped writing but I always reply that you are still adapting to England. Maybe now is the time to revive your friendship. If you like we can visit and attend her wedding". 

"You would let me go back?", she asked with tears in her eyes. 

"I'm not a monster. You only need to promise me to come back with me again", Sidney said a little hurt. What damage must he have induced to have her think of him like that? He definitely needed to improve. 

Georgiana hugged him and cried happy tears. She would see her old friends again. She would be amongst people who wouldn't look at her like she was an exotic animal. And it would be warm. 

"Thank you, Sidney. And I thought you let her down because of her skin colour".

"Georgiana that was never an issue for me. If I had true feelings for her I would have married her but ...she is no Charlotte. I know now that there always has been and always will be only one for me". 

"If there wasn't that witch. She won't let you go. Neither to Antigua nor generally. I know it. Especially if she realises that you are doing me a favour". 

Sidney sighed deeply and remained silent. He didn't know how to reply. Yes, he seemed stuck now. But he hoped with every fibre of his body that somehow a miracle would happen. 

Before Georgiana could insist upon an answer Mrs. Heywood called them in for dinner.


	18. Chapter 18

With such an addition to the dinner table one would think that it was a lively affair. Unfortunately Tom could not be stopped. He praised the merits of Sanditon over and over again. Every now and then he would try to engage Mary, Stringer or Sidney into the conversation. But either they responded politely and he would interrupt them or as in Sidney's case he would only answer with a wintry smile. 

Mr. Heywood was surprised to see this change in his mood. He had expected him to be happy amongst his relatives but it was clearly the opposite.  
Surely it had something to do with Mr. Tom speaking highly of "dear Eliza". He himself had stopped counting after Mr. Tom had mentioned her 35 times. Only "Sanditon" might have been mentioned more often.  
Everytime the lady's name would be spoken Mr. Sidney would clench his jaw and form fists with his hands. And Mrs. Parker would put her hand on his forearm which took away some of his tension and he would relax a little.  
Mrs. Parker looked very embarrassed during the whole meal. She seemed like she was ashamed of her husband.  
Mr. Heywood himself couldn't believe how someone could be so oblivious to how much pain he had caused in his own family not to mention in Charlotte. It made him very angry that he had let his daughter go to Sanditon with this lunatic. If he had known what he did now he surely would have kept her at home. The high spirits of Mr. Tom disgusted him increasingly and he had to contain himself not to tell him to please shut up! 

Mrs. Heywood was quite aware of her husband's emotions. She knew that this would happen eventually. He was unusually tolerant with Sidney Parker and the whole situation. But having Mr. Tom speak endlessly of Sanditon and Eliza was an ordeal for her husband. The tension grew by the minute and she almost sighed in relief when Mrs. Parker asked her husband to take leave because she was very tired.  
Mr. Stringer and Mr. Sidney would share the carriage with them to the inn.  
Mr. Stringer was very polite and thanked her for the great meal and their hospitality. He and Alison had talked (whenever it was possible) about his occupation and he expressed the wish to have a look at Alison's sketches. She promised to show him her collection the next day.  
When Mr. and Mrs. Tom Parker left the house accompanied by Mr. Stringer, Mr. Sidney came to Mrs. Heywood and asked permission to wish Charlotte a good night if she was still awake. She gave her consent and he hurried up the stairs like he was chased down by dogs. 

Sidney needed to see her. Otherwise he would have to find someone to fight with today to release the tension. This rage inside him because of Tom could only be soothed by her or a bottle of Whiskey. He didn't want to be drunk and crapulous in the morning so he chose the better way.  
Charlotte was indeed still awake although she looked a little feverish again. She was alone in her room and looked at him with big eyes when he came in and closed the door behind him.  
"I am sorry to disturb you this late. But I needed to see you. Tom is driving me crazy and only you can talk sense into me for not beating him up", he confessed.

Her look went soft and she gestured towards him to take a seat on her bedside. She took his hand and could feel how he already relaxed slightly.  
"I know how hard it must be for you. Especially after sacrificing yourself. But think of the good he did so far. He was an excellent brother to you when you needed him most. And now it's your turn to repay him". 

"It seems quite unfair that he saved me by paying my debts and I am forced to give up the love of my life. Charlotte, we would have been married by now. I would have been allowed to kiss you goodnight and hold you in my arms and tell you over and over how much I love you. I wouldn't be forced to-".

Charlotte interrupted him by putting her finger on his lips.  
"Don't do that. It will only fuel your anger. Think of Mary and the children. What kind of life they would have if you didn't step in". 

Sidney sighed and smiled tenderly at her.  
"You know me best. You are right. I have to endure his behaviour for Mary's sake. At least until we find another way". 

Charlotte decided to ignore the last sentence of him. She did not dare to hope and then be disappointed again. Instead she took his hand and kissed it.  
"Now go and try to sleep. And please be the better man. For Mary and for me". 

"Aye aye Admiral Heywood", he replied with a smirk. Then he took a closer look.  
"Are you alright? You look like your temperature is rising up again", he added while touching her forehead which indeed was very warm.

"I'm fine. I just tried to get out of bed and sit on the bedside but I must have exhausted myself. Don't worry, everything is fine. Go now, I'm sure Mary is also very exhausted and needs to rest". 

Sidney wasn't entirely convinced that she was fine but he still obeyed her. A quick kiss on her hand and then he left. 

Charlotte could finally lay down again. Sitting up alone on the bedside was a lie of course. She didn't know what was wrong but it truly felt like she was on the edge of a new fever attack. She felt very weak and every part of her body was hurting.  
She would need to ask for that bitter tea again. But how without raising alarm? 

Mrs. Heywood was wondering what had happened in Charlotte's room but whatever it was it worked wonders. Mr. Sidney was his old self again. He wished them all good night and even kissed Mrs. Heywood's hand with a wink and then left with the others.  
Before he had kissed her hand he told her to check on Charlotte because she didn't look well to him. She sent Alison and Georgiana up immediately and finished cleaning up when Mr. Heywood approached. 

"You know what I'll have to do tomorrow, don't you?", he asked with a jar of ale in his hand. 

She sighed and turned around to face her husband. "I feared as much. Charlotte is so happy with having them here. I'm not sure how she will deal with it".

"She's much stronger than we know. I'm sure of it. However I can't accept this hassle any longer. All of them need to leave. Mr. Tom opened my eyes. Their life depends entirely on the fortune of this lady. Mr. Sidney cannot be free again. And having him here displaying his feelings for Charlotte so openly will merely make it worse for both of them. He's a good lad and I have come to like him very much. But right now I see no way this is going to work". 

His wife nodded: "Just do me a favour and speak to Charlotte first about your plans. No, not today. She seems to be very tired but tomorrow after breakfast maybe?".  
Mr. Heywood agreed and went off to his study again.  
Mrs. Heywood sighed deeply. She already sensed that it would be a very hard day tomorrow for everyone. 

Later Alison came down and asked her mother for the willow tree bark brew.  
"Is she really worse again?", Mrs. Heywood asked alarmed.  
"I'm not sure. She insists on being fine but agreed to drink some of it again. Georgiana and I decided to stay with her during the night. Georgiana will sleep next to her and I will sleep on the floor". 

Throughout the night Sidney had nightmares of Charlotte being sick again. Although he was allowed to take care of her Tom would appear every time and interrupt him by speaking about this or that. When he woke up for the umpteenth time he decided to leave bed. He got dressed and could already see a white line at the horizon. The sun would rise within the next few hours. He left the inn and started walking aimlessly. At least he thought so. When he found himself in front of the Heywood farm he realised that he would always find his way to her. But now that Tom was here he couldn't stay forever. He would try to send Tom away today and plan to stay only three more days afterwards.  
His heart yearned to stay here longer but he couldn't. Especially if he was about to find another way out of this mess. He needed to act promptly and with Lady Susan's help he was sure to succeed.  
The sun was now fully risen and made the snow glisten beautifully. He kept on walking around the house over and over until Mrs. Heywood opened the kitchen window and saw him.  
"Is that you, Mr. Parker? You are very early. Please come in it's freezing cold out there". 

Sidney went in and found Mr. Heywood sitting at the drawing room table and drinking a cup of tea.  
"Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Heywood. I couldn't sleep and have been walking for hours. Please, excuse my early intrusion".

Mr. Heywood invited him to sit with him and the maid brought a cup of tea for him too.  
"Sir, I wanted to inform you that I'll ask my brother to leave today. He has urgent business in Sanditon anyway and it won't be difficult to convince him to leave. I myself will leave in three days. I want Georgiana to have a little more time with Miss Heywood". 

"And for yourself of course. You can't deceive me. I know how a lovesick man looks like and right now I would say you are the embodiment of one. Very well, I actually had planned to ask you all to leave as soon as possible. I detest pretence and betrayal. Right now we are pretending that everything is well while it is not. Right now there is no chance that you and Charlotte will have a future together. And I don't want to take part in you betraying your future wife by allowing you to be close to my daughter. I do understand it is hard to act properly when feelings as strong as yours are involved but someone has to be the voice of reason here". 

Sidney's heart grew heavy. Mr. Heywood was of course right and yet it hurt to hear him say it out loud.  
"I completely agree, Sir". 

Georgiana gave Sidney a brief update on Charlotte's condition during breakfast. He was happy to hear that she was very well today and that she had already walked a few steps in the room with Alison's and her help. Sidney informed her of his plans. She seemed sad to leave so soon but didn't disagree. Actually Sidney had expected her to throw a tantrum but she did not. Perhaps it was the conversation they had yesterday that made her work with him instead of against him. However he welcomed the change.  
After breakfast the children were allowed to play with the sea shells Tom and Mary had brought with them. They kept asking Sidney questions about the sea and wanted him to tell stories of his journey overseas. When he told them that some Antiguan sea shells were prettier than these at hand Rose spoke up: "Can you please bring us some. Will you promise to bring us prettier sea shells. Oh please, please, please".  
"If I should travel again I promise I'll bring them with me".  
Rose cheered and hugged him. 

Lady Susan arrived shortly after to say goodbye and was already in Charlotte's room when Sidney came along.  
Charlotte was dressed in a plain sand coloured dress and was sitting on a seat by the fire. She looked very beautiful with shining eyes and rosy cheeks. Sidney knew instantly that the picture of her right now was imprinted into his mind forever. Lady Susan had just expressed the wish to see her soon again when Alison burst into the room with tears of anger in her eyes. She didn't look at Charlotte but at Sidney.  
What had happened?! 

She was collecting eggs from the hen house for lunch when she heard a carriage arrive. She hurried because she was eager to see Mr. Stringer again and to hear his professional opinion of her sketches. But when she looked up it wasn't the Parker's carriage. Someone else had arrived. A beautiful, elegant lady got off the carriage and a young woman was with her.  
"I do hope this is a short visit. Hopefully she's already buried and I can take Sidney with me instantly. I'm glad that this problem solved itself", she said to the younger woman.  
Then she saw Alison in the short distance and shouted: "You must be the maid. Do tell them Mrs. Campion is here!".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. But there would surely be no second series/season without Mrs. Campion showing up eventually. 
> 
> I promise you that there will be a HEA for Sidlotte! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me ❤


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I like that we all think alike and that most of you have the same ideas as I do.  
> Thank you again and again for your time and your shared thoughts. I appreciate every one of them.  
> ❤❤❤

"I really do like you. But how dare you replace my sister with this monster?!", she shouted towards Sidney. 

Charlotte was shocked to hear her sister talk like that: "Alison! How dare you?!".

"I'm sorry Charlotte. But you didn't hear what she said!".

"Eliza is here?!", Sidney asked outraged and losing all colour from his face. 

"Yes! And she mistook me for the maid! Why are you smiling Charlotte? You think that's funny?".

Charlotte couldn't contain a smile because of the memory that popped up.  
"No, it's not funny. I'm just smiling because I have made a similar experience in the past but with someone else".  
Sidney looked embarrassed into her eyes.  
"Alison, I'm sure she did mean no harm by calling you the maid".

"Perhaps not - but she definitely meant harm by what she said before".

"What did she say?", Sidney asked alarmed. 

"I won't repeat it in front of Charlotte. I fear it may cause a setback in her recovery". 

Charlotte rolled her eyes at her sister's precaution. "Never mind, Alison. It doesn't matter. Life is too short to be angry about things others say or do". 

"No, Charlotte. You don't know what you're talking about. This woman is evil. And I refuse to let her in".

"Alison, I've never seen you so upset. Please calm down. If she wants to pay me a visit she may come in".

Alison only shook her head. 

Sidney was curious to hear what Eliza had said to cause such fury in Alison who was usually a very gentle woman.  
"Miss Alison would you please tell me what was said? Maybe outside this room".

Alison nodded and left the room with him ignoring Charlotte's protest that this wasn't necessary. 

"So?", Sidney simply asked. 

"She said she hopes that Charlotte is already buried and that she's glad that the problem solved itself", Alison repeated under angry tears. 

Sidney couldn't help but raise his voice: "She did WHAT?!". 

Alison flinched a little back and Sidney was instantly sorry that he had lost his temper in front of her. "Excuse me. I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm sorry you had to witness her saying something that malicious. I'll see that she leaves immediately. Go ahead and I'll just tell Georgiana and Charlotte why we'll stay away a while".

She nodded her consent and went to the drawing room to see her father already talking to Mrs. Campion. She seemed to feel uncomfortable for she did not sit down when offered.  
When Alison entered the room her father said: "This is my daughter Alison. I believe you met her already".

"Your daughter?! Oh now I can see the resemblance", Mrs. Campion replied with a raised eyebrow and a condescending smile.

"And this are some of my other children", Mr. Heywood added.

"Good lord, so many! How would you have time for all of them. But then I believe that life in a village is so much slower than in London".

"Mrs. Campion, we make time for our children although we do work a lot here. We don't sit in our drawing room and wait the whole day for visitors or waste our time with the thought of which dress to wear to dinner. We have lives to provide for. I have tenants and we have animals who need our care. I can assure you life is nothing but slow here".

"Oh yes, the animals. I can tell by the smell in here".

Now Mr. Heywood formed fists and said with a dangerously low voice: "If you dislike the smell of my home you are free to leave any time. Nobody invited you to stay". 

"No need to be disrespectful. I just came for my-".

Sidney who had been standing on the last steps of the staircase in the corridor knew he had to step in - otherwise who knew what would happen.  
"Eliza! What are you doing here?", he asked loudly. 

"I was on my way to Sanditon because I missed you. That's what a loving fiancée does, you know, she misses the man she's about to marry. And after neglecting me for three weeks I thought I'd make an appearance. At Trafalgar House I was left a note by your brother telling me about your whereabouts and what had happened. I am so sorry you lost the nanny". 

"She is not the nanny! She is a dear family friend and you'll be happy to hear that she has recovered".

Everyone could clearly see that she was anything but happy. Still, she smiled coldly and replied: "How wonderful. Then there is no need for you to stay any longer. Lord Cormack is expecting us to dine with him tomorrow anyway". 

"I can't leave yet. But you go ahead and I will follow in a few days". 

She laughed: "Silly Sidney, I'm not leaving without you!". 

"You'll have to. I promised Georgiana three more days".

"And your ward is more important than your fiancée? Surely not. And moreover leave her here and she can follow later. As I said I'm not leaving without you. If you insist on staying three more days so will I. I'm prepared, I brought my lady's maid with me just in case". 

"We would gladly take care of Miss Lambe", Mrs. Heywood offered in a low voice.

Sidney could see that Eliza was really determined to take him with her. He took a look around and knew that he had to cave in. The Heywoods looked so hurt because of how they had been treated by Eliza. He couldn't let her hurt them any further.  
"Very well then. But we need to stop at the inn. All my belongings are there".

"No don't go! Please! You promised to build a whole snowman family with us!", Rose screamed and came running to him. 

"I'm sorry Rosie but I have to go. I'll come back next winter and build as many snowmen as you wish. Alright?".

Rose didn't seem very convinced but said nothing. Sidney took his coat, his cane and hat. He did not want to leave without seeing Charlotte at least one last time. But he dared not ask for it. He felt guilty enough for Eliza's turpitude. Oh and Tom, he was sure he would kill him as soon as he'd lay eyes upon him. Why did he leave a message for Eliza at all?! 

When Lady Susan entered the drawing room Mrs. Campion seemed startled.  
"Ah Mrs. Campion, I thought I've heard your lovely voice. How thoughtful of you to come and pay Miss Heywood a visit although you have had only the pleasure of a single day in her company. Mr. and Mrs. Heywood it would be my honour to accompany Mrs. Campion and Mr. Parker to Charlotte's room". 

Mr. Heywood was still enraged he could only nod his consent. 

"Perfect. Follow me, please", Lady Susan instructed. 

She could clearly see that Mrs. Campion was in no mood to see Charlotte but she needed an opportunity to get Sidney into her room again. And it would not have been proper to invite him alone now that his fiancée was present. 

"Charlotte dear, look who I brought with me. Mrs. Campion and Mr. Parker. They are leaving soon and wanted to see you". 

Sidney could clearly see the disappointment in her eyes for a few seconds. Then she squared her shoulders and smiled bravely. Her eyes were indifferent now. Sidney hadn't yet witnessed it. Usually they would always give her away. But it was for the better. Eliza shouldn't see how deep their connection really was. 

"I'm honoured that you took the journey upon you to see me, Mrs. Campion. Thank you for coming". 

"Well, actually I didn't expect to see you anymore. I was informed that it would be your funeral that we would be attending. How lucky that you will still reside amongst us", she gave a fake smile. 

"And how are your wedding preparations? Is a date set yet?".

Sidney couldn't believe why she would torture herself by asking this. 

"Oh yes, everything is in progress. Only our families and closest friends will be invited". 

"Really? I heard rumours that you will invite all of London's ton me included of course", Lady Susan said while she took Sidney's cane and hat out of his hands. Sidney frowned but she winked at him. 

Mrs. Campion blushed a little. "Well yes, I consider them as close friends".

"Ah but close is not closest". 

"What about the date, Mrs. Campion?", Charlotte asked again. 

"It will be in the first week of June". 

"Well, I wish you both every happiness". 

"Thank you. We better leave now". 

"Yes, I think that is the best", Lady Susan said. "But before you go surely you must acknowledge how well Miss Heywood looks today". 

The fake smile reappeared: "Oh yes, for someone having been so close to death she looks tolerable". 

Sidney hated her very much for being so cruel and descending. He sent Charlotte an apologetic look. Then Eliza turned around and put her hand in a possessive manner on his forearm. "Let's go, Sidney. I can't bare to stay here even a second longer. The smell is quite overwhelming". 

Sidney clenched his jaw and saw how Charlotte blushed slightly after that comment. He never imagined it would be this kind of a goodbye.  
Eliza was already dragging him towards the door. 

"Oh there was no smell before you entered the house, Mrs. Campion. What should we call it? Malice and falsehood?", Lady Susan stated in a low voice. 

Eliza turned around and smiled coldly: "If you do say so, dear Lady Worcester. I'll see you in London. Goodbye".

Sidney never had the urge to beat up a woman. But Mrs. Campion was close enough to making him do so. He detested her, despised her and had nothing but hatred left for her in this moment. He turned around to look one last time at Charlotte. But she had turned to the fire and was staring into it.  
His heart was aching. She wasn't willing to face him a last time because he had that monster clinging to his arm.  
Lady Susan followed close behind them. All of the Heywood children where waiting with their parents in the drawing room to see Sidney off.  
He started hugging the children goodbye. 

"Good god, Sidney are you really going to hug each of them. This will take forever. I'll be waiting in the carriage. And please hurry up!", Eliza said when he had yet only hugged three of the children.  
The last ones were Peter and Rose. 

"We have a little present for you. So you won't forget us", Jonathan said and Rose gave him a picture they had drawn.  
It showed their whole family with Georgiana and Sidney having a picnic in the garden and Lady Susan waving from a carriage.  
Sidney felt tears tickling in his eyes. "I will never forget you. Never!".

Then he approached Mr. and Mrs. Heywood.  
"I am so sorry for everything! If I had known she would follow I would have left earlier. I am ashamed of her behaviour. I have never witnessed her to be that condescending towards anyone. I'm sorry it ended like this. Thank you for welcoming me into your family and for your hospitality and for hosting Georgiana a little longer. Dr. Fuchs will be here in twelve days. Perhaps she can return with him to Sanditon? Or is it any inconvenience to have her stay until then?".

Mrs. Heywood shook her head: "Of course not, my dear Mr. Parker. We consider her already family and she is welcome to stay as long as she likes". 

Mr. Heywood shook hands with Sidney and said: "Well, it was very nice to meet you and we will be forever indebted to you for helping saving my daughter's life. If however anything changes and you are free again you are most welcome any time. But until then we shall consider this the last time we see each other. I hope you understand. I have a family to protect. And Charlotte should consider her home as a place of refuge and as a haven and not a place where evil overtakes her". 

Sidney could see the determination in his face.  
"Do not worry, Sir. I agree. I hope Miss Heywood recovers quickly. Thank you again for everything". 

He turned to Lady Susan and Georgiana who had also come into the drawing room.  
"Lady Susan, I believe we will see each other in London. Thank you for your help and good luck. Georgiana, if you need anything please don't hesitate to inform me. She puts herself first in my attention but she's not. You are my main concern", he hugged Georgiana tightly and she got quite emotional.  
She even shed a few tears.  
Sidney turned one last time to Mr. Heywood: "Despite all, I need you to know I might be bound in honour to Mrs. Campion but I'm bound in love to ...to - well you know - someone else. So if your family should ever need anything you are most welcome to contact me anytime". Sidney didn't want to mention his feelings for Charlotte so explicitly in front of the children. 

"Thank you, Mr. Parker", Mr. Heywood replied with a warm smile. "I wish you all the luck in the world". 

"Thank you. I'll need it". 

He was about to leave the room when Lady Susan exclaimed with a conspiratorial smile: "Mr. Parker? Where are your hat and cane? I believe they are still in Charlotte's room. Now hurry up and go get them before your fiancée grows impatient". 

Sidney could have kissed her in that moment. He was so thankful for a chance to see Charlotte a last time alone. He rushed up the stairs and into her room. 

Why would someone be so mean without knowing her? What had she done to be treated in that way by Mrs. Campion? It was a mystery to Charlotte. Georgiana and Lady Susan had left her room soon after Sidney to say goodbye. But what about her? She was denied a proper parting. When he was in her room she couldn't look at him without conveying all her feelings and exposing them to Mrs. Campion. And now she regretted it. This was likely the last time she had seen him unmarried. She stood up and opened the window to hear when the carriage was leaving. Up until then she would try to contain the tears that were already bubbling up. She took a deep breath and went back to her seat.  
Suddenly the door opened in a rush and there he was. Standing breathlessly in front of her. He closed the door and crossed the room in big steps. He knelt in front of her, took her hand and was already touching her forehead with his. He would kiss her. She saw it in his eyes. How much she yearned to be kissed by him.  
He was closing his eyes and came even closer when Charlotte put her other hand up and between their mouths. Sidney opened his eyes and looked confused at her. 

"Please, don't. Don't make me one of these women!".

"What kind of woman?", he asked even more confused.

"The one other men cheat on their wives or fiancées with. I wouldn't want to be one of them", Charlotte replied while one teardrop escaped her eye. 

Sidney sighed, drew a little back and wiped away her tear. "You are the perfect woman. Others wouldn't even waste a thought on that. Oh, Charlotte! I wish I could promise you something". 

"But you can't and it's alright. We have to keep Mary and the children in mind". 

He intertwined his hand with hers and put them on his chest. She could feel his heart beat very fast. 

"This beats only for you, my love. Take good care of it while I'm gone. I'll do anything in my power to come back to you!". 

He took their hands and held them on mouth level to kiss hers. She drew closer and kissed his. When they backed up both were crying quietly.  
With a long sigh Sidney stood up. Took his cane and hat and with one last longing look at Charlotte he left her room. 

Charlotte felt like choking and when Georgiana shortly afterwards came running into her room she let herself cry on the shoulders of her dear friend.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so so much ❤

On the way to the inn she would keep on talking but Sidney didn't hear anything because he was so enraged that he could only hear his blood rushing in his ears. He was extremely disgusted by her and her behaviour that he almost got sick. Breath in and out, he told himself and closed his eyes. Charlotte appeared in front of his eyes and smiled at him. He relaxed instantly - unfortunately that made him hear her speaking again. 

"Really Sidney, did you have to hug those ...savages? Filthy little things. No one ever knows where there hands have been before". 

She disliked children?! Perfect. If his plan failed and he was forced to marry her he would at least not have to share marital bed with her. 

"Ours wouldn't be filthy of course. They would have the best governess and teachers in all of London". 

Damn it! Just the thought of touching her made him shiver in disgust. He still did not understand why she had been so condescending with the Heywoods. Yes, she was uppish at times - but today had been a whole new dimension. 

"Why did you behave like that?".

"Excuse me?!".

"You were at your worst behaviour with the Heywoods. What did they do to deserve this? Nothing!".

"I wouldn't call keeping my future husband busy and away from me nothing!".

"I decided to stay! They never asked me to". 

"And pray, why would you decide to stay in a place like this? It's dirty, smelly and too quite. I have not known you to be interested in a provincial life. You are a city boy and belong there - with ME!", she responded furiously. 

Sidney did not bother to answer. He had no wish to keep this conversation alive when she was determined to speak so low of the place and especially its people he came to love. 

Eliza was satisfied that she had managed to drag him away from that horrid place and away from her.  
Yes, the little farmer's girl never behaved disrespectful towards her and yet she hated her and her kind. The reason why was a secret. One that she would keep to herself as long as possible.  
The pain inside her was on a verge of coming up again. No! She wouldn't let that happen.  
The further Sidney was away from that girl and her big doe eyes the better. She shall never have him!  
Eliza was convinced that in time Sidney would be as much in love with herself as ten years ago. She just needed to keep Sidney clear off young women that would make eyes at him. Men were weak and could be easily seduced if someone aimed to do so. She knew with certainty that this little Miss Village had no other goal than snatching Sidney away.  
Sidney has been and always will be hers! 

Sidney's wish to find a way out of his engagement was his constant companion now. It was an urge. It was all that kept him sane. He wouldn't survive without Charlotte. And he truly left his heart with her because she already was in possession of it.  
When they arrived at the inn he could see that Tom, Mary and Stringer were standing in front of another carriage and were about to get in.  
As Sidney jumped out of Eliza's carriage Mary found her way immediately to him: "Sidney? Are you alright? You look very enraged. What happened?". But she could already see the answer behind him.  
"Mrs. Campion! I did not expect to see you here".

"Believe me, I wish I wasn't forced to come. But Sidney's absence made it necessary. Now that I got him, we can finally leave". 

Tom joined Mary and started to greet and complement Eliza.  
Sidney turned to Mary and whispered: "She hurt the Heywoods and I had to make her go. She wouldn't leave without me. Georgiana will be staying with them until Dr. Fuchs comes at the end of next week. I'll try to come to Sanditon as soon as possible". 

"But what did she say or do to hurt them? She doesn't even know them!", Mary whispered back. 

"She was very condescending and at times cruel. I have never seen her like this. Thankfully Lady Susan was still there. I hope Mr. Heywood has calmed down a little. Oh wait, Mary I am so sorry, but I had to tell him about Tom's mess. Not in detail but still, he does know quite much. As does Mrs. Heywood". 

"Sidney, I need you to know that I want to help you. You need to be freed to marry Charlotte. I will not stand by and watch both of you leading lives without any happiness. Please, if there is anything I can do, I'll do it!"

"Just keep an eye on Tom. And if anything seems suspicious send me report as soon as possible". 

"Of course! Good luck, my dear brother". 

They hugged each other and Sidney went into the inn. He decided to ignore Tom and kept replaying Charlotte's advice in his head to think of Mary and the children. 

Mary tried polite conversation with Eliza but felt like she was betraying Charlotte and her family in doing so if Eliza indeed had been as disrespectful as Sidney had told her. As soon as Sidney came back he and Eliza took off. Mary felt so bad for him. She could only imagine what kind of ride he would have back to London. 

Tom was excited to see Eliza here in Willingden! He was eager to ask for her opinion about the pagoda but she told him to come and visit her in London if he wanted to talk business. Actually he was needed in Sanditon but without Eliza there would be no Sanditon so he would need to go to London. Sidney was more reticent than usual. He hoped that everything between Eliza and him was alright. Without their marriage everything would be lost. And Tom would never forgive his brother if the investment was at risk because of his moody attitude. After all this time Sidney was still a conundrum to him. He had expected him to be happier around Eliza. But the happiest he had seen him was around the little Heywood children. Perhaps he was also wishing for his own children and that was why he would be so moody - because Eliza set the date so far from now. Hmm, maybe he could do his brother a favour and ask Eliza to have the wedding earlier. He was sure Sidney would be in better spirits afterwards. Yes, he would do his best in London to convince Eliza! 

"Shall we leave now, Mr. Parker?", Stringer said and made him put his line of thought aside. For now. 

"Yes! We must pay Charlotte a visit and then we can leave for Sanditon". 

After their arrival it took a bit of time until the door was opened. It was Mr. Heywood himself and he welcomed them in with a frown.

"Mr. Sidney Parker and his ...his ...lovely fiancée just left. And Lady Worcester left soon after them", he stated and sounded sarcastically.  
Mary felt guilty again. If Sidney wasn't engaged to her she would never have come to Willingden. 

"Ah yes, we saw Sidney and Eliza at the inn. And now we've come to bid our farewell. How is Charlotte today?", Tom didn't pay attention to the sarcastic tone. 

"She was well. But now she has a horrible headache. I'll ask if she feels well enough to see you despite her pain". 

He left the room. Mary wasn't sure if she wanted to see Charlotte or not. If she was tortured by headache than she would rather have her rest and recover soon. But she felt the need to apologise again and see for herself how she was coping with Sidney's sudden departure.  
Alison approached Mr. Stringer and asked him shyly if he was interested to see her sketches now. 

"Yes, I would like to see them very much!". 

"Miss Alison what sketches do you mean?", Tom asked suddenly interested. 

"Well, Charlotte described Sanditon's buildings in her letters to me and inspired me to draw them. Now I would like to know if they are close to the real buildings or not. I also read some books about architecture", Alison replied excited. 

Mary smiled because she saw Charlotte's enthusiasm in her sister too.  
Mary stayed in the corridor as the other three went into the drawing room. After some time Mr. Heywood came back and gave Mary permission to go to Charlotte.  
They had tried to make Charlotte look fine again yet Mary could clearly see that she had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy. 

"Mary, it's so nice to see you again", Charlotte greeted her with a hoarse voice. 

Mary couldn't help but hug her.  
"Sidney told me that Eliza was at her worst behaviour. I am so sorry. If I had known-".

"Mary, please. It is not your fault. Everything is alright. Some things are meant to be and others are not. It is how we deal with it that defines who we are. And I'm determined not to be miserable. I was given a second chance. A second chance to live and make the best of it. Please, don't torture yourself with all these thoughts. Sidney and I wouldn't have been happy if it meant your grief and ruin. Let's not speak of it any further. Tell me how the children are!", Charlotte said while she hold Mary's hand. 

"Well, Miss Alison if I had known you were that talented I would have taken you also with us to Sanditon", Mr. Parker exclaimed upon seeing her sketches.  
Miss Alison blushed and looked very lovely in doing so. Stop it James, he thought to himself.  
But Mr. Parker was right - she was indeed very talented. Everything was quite accurate and very neat. He was thrilled to see that she shared the same interest and was so good at it.

"Indeed, Miss. This is very good. I don't know who to give more credit. You for drawing it accurately and only on the basis of descriptions - or Miss Charlotte for describing it so accurately".

"Why don't we put to record that both my daughters are very talented?", Mr. Heywood asked from behind. All three of them turned around and James answered: "I would completely agree with that". 

"Charlotte is ready now if you want to say goodbye".  
"Thank you, Sir". 

"Mr. Heywood we need to have Miss Alison someday in Sanditon! She has to see all the buildings in their true glory!", Mr. Parker called avid. 

"I don't think I need a second daughter returning home with a broken heart!". 

"Ah, but Charlotte's heart will mend as soon as she's back in Sanditon. I hope she comes soon for a visit. There is nothing better than sea air to heal every sort of malady". 

James could sense that Mr. Heywood was at the end of his tether and turned to Mr. Parker to remind him that there was still business waiting for them in Sanditon.  
So they hurried up to Charlotte's room and found Mrs. Parker talking about her children. Soon afterwards she left to see Mrs. Heywood.  
Charlotte didn't look well. She looked sad although she tried to hide it. Her feelings for Sidney Parker were beyond comprehension to him. He had shouted at her on the street, ignored her and he was engaged to another woman. Yes, he seemed like a completely different person here with the children but he had still hurt Charlotte by choosing someone else as wife. And James wouldn't forgive him for putting Charlotte in that position. 

"How are you today, Mr. Stringer?", Charlotte asked him smiling a little. 

"I'm well thank you. And what about you, Miss?".

"I'm very well. Did you have a chance to take a look at my sister Alison's sketches?".

"Yes, I was positively surprised. She is very talented and if she was a man I would have given her my apprenticeship in London - but unfortunately that is not possible".  
"Ah but Stringer, perhaps we can borrow her sometimes to help us in Sanditon. Wouldn't that be something?!", Mr. Parker interjected.  
"I'm sure Alison would love to be kept updated upon the progress in Sanditon. As do I. Perhaps you could send her some raw sketches yourself, Mr. Stringer?!", Charlotte asked.  
Looking in her sad eyes she could have asked anything of him and he would have done it immediately. He agreed and then Mr. Parker left the room after biding farewell. 

"Miss Heywood, I hope that you recover completely and rapidly. And if I may be so bold, I hope that your other wounds will heal fast too", James said.  
He could see her eyes glistening with tears now. "Thank you, Mr. Stringer. Good luck with the rebuilding and goodbye". 

On his return to the drawing room he could see that Mr. and Mrs. Parker had already left the house and waited in the carriage.  
"Thank you again for your hospitality. And Miss Alison thank you for showing me your work. I wish Miss Charlotte a speedy recovery and you all the best. Goodbye", he said to the Heywood's and waved the children goodbye when he left the house. 

"Finally we have the house and Charlotte to ourselves", Mr. Heywood said relieved when the door closed.  
That night he got to witness the extend of Charlotte's heartache first-hand. Georgiana and Alison had decided to stay with Charlotte during this night too. Every now and then he would hear them sobbing. It was tearing his heart apart that he could do nothing to soothe the pain. 

While Charlotte was crying because of her current situation, Georgiana was reminded of Otis' loss and Alison was too empathetic and felt the pain of her sister and her new friend as if it was her own.


	21. Chapter 21

There was no cloud to be seen in the sky. The sun was smiling down on them and Charlotte couldn't contain her excitement.   
Finally! After all the bruising experiences and all the tears they were allowed to be together. Sidney had indeed found another solution and had rushed back to her to propose. She accepted of course and now the day has come that she would become Mrs. Sidney Parker. She started to giggle and her mother and her sisters who were getting her ready for the ceremony joined her.   
She looked in the mirror and hoped Sidney would very much like how she looked today. He had told her two days ago that to him she would always be the most beautiful woman in the room.   
And suddenly the most anticipated moment was there. She was standing with her father in front of the church, he smiled happily at her but did not say anything.   
They entered the church and he walked her down the aisle. She could see Sidney grinning at her and she smiled widely back. Her heart was beating so fast when her father put her hand in Sidney's. The ceremony began but Charlotte was too excited to listen. All her senses were focused on Sidney. Sidney was just asked if he wants to take her as his wife when the doors of the church burst open and Tom came in. He was pale and screamed: "Sidney, please! I need your help. Sanditon was flooded and we need to rebuild. The insurance won't cover this time. They have a clause that they would only cover damages caused by men and not by nature. Sidney, you must come and help me. Please!".

Everyone was shocked. Charlotte turned to Sidney and knew he was torn. She knew that he was needed and that he would never forgive himself for letting his brother down. But Charlotte felt like it was her turn now. She had suffered so much, she wouldn't let him go again. 

She put her hand on his forearm and said quitely: "Sidney, we will find a solution. Together!". 

He had tears in his eyes now. He took her hand, kissed her and then he turned around to leave. 

"We need money and you don't have any. I have to find a fortune!". 

Charlotte was left at the altar crying and sobbing. Georgiana was now next to her and kept saying: "I told you he's not to be trusted!". 

And then her view got blurry. 

She woke up and was crying. It was just a dream. Well, a nightmare but still - it was not real.   
Charlotte tried to calm down by breathing in and out. Alison woke up slowly and looked alarmed at her sister. 

"Oh Charlotte, what is it?".

Charlotte couldn't answer for she was overcome by a coughing attack which made Georgiana who was also sleeping in her room wake up. 

"What is wrong with her, Alison?", she asked worried. 

"I don't know. I woke up and she was crying and now this! Here drink some water, Charlotte. It may help", Alison offered her a glass of water. 

After a while Charlotte took it and the coughing tapered off. Her tears had already dried on her face and no more were coming. 

"I'm sorry I have woken you. I had a nightmare and was upset. It's over now. Please go back to sleep", Charlotte explained.   
She loved having Georgiana and Alison around her but it would not be easy to hide all her pain from them. She longed to have a secluded room only to herself.   
Georgiana and Alison exchanged worried looks and then lay back down to sleep.   
Charlotte stayed awake for she was afraid to dream again this night. He was only two days away now and she couldn't stop thinking of him. This time it hurt more to let him go. Because she saw how cold and calculating Mrs. Campion was. Charlotte didn't detect any affection in her towards Sidney. So if he would stay trapped - no, not if - WHEN he stayed trapped he wouldn't even have a happy life. Charlotte dared not to hope that anything would change. How should Sidney find a substantial sum of money in the next four month (for it was almost February)? Nobody was truly interested in Sanditon. She must try to embrace the idea of Mrs. Campion being Mrs. Parker soon.   
Of course she felt defeated. She disliked sitting in her father's home and doing nothing to support and promote Sanditon. She had a few ideas but all of them cost money no one had except Mrs. Campion.   
Then again she felt guilty for being interested in finding new investors for Sandition out of a selfish reason. If she wasn't in love with Sidney and didn't care for him, she wouldn't mind him marrying her and having her as the main source of money for Sanditon. He was a grown man and responsible for his own decisions.   
But she loved him with all her being. She could still feel his lips on her hands or on her forehead. She could still hear his deep voice talking in soft tones to her. She could still feel his tender gaze and the warmth of his breath on her skin the day he came too close while putting Rose next to her.   
Oh Lord, were all women in love so weak?! She refused to be like this. There were more things to life than husbands!   
As soon as she would be completely recovered she needed to resume her daily work at the farm to get her mind off him. Last time it didn't work but this time she forced herself to make it work.   
Unless he would be able to find a way out. She imagined herself being in the fields hard at work when he would suddenly arrive riding on his horse and coming back to finally marry her.   
STOP IT, she thought. Whay good will it do? She refused to have hope. Hope was the destruction of every happiness when reality was as forlorn as it seemed now.   
And she refused to be unhappy in general. She allowed herself to be unhappy in love but not in general! 

On the day all of them left Mary Parker had approached Mrs. Heywood earlier and wished to talk to her privately. 

"Mrs. Heywood I feel I owe you an apology", Mrs. Parker had begun. 

"What for?", Mrs. Heywood asked surprised. 

"My family and I are the reason for ...for Charlotte's and Sidney's misery. If Tom wouldn't have made mistakes none of this would have happened. I am truly sorry and I can hardly live with it. I offered Sidney my help to find another way. I'll do what is in my power to reunite my beloved brother and my beloved friend. I have never seen Sidney as happy as he was here with you. And Charlotte was glowing at the Midsummer night's ball. He already was a good man but she made him even better!", Mrs. Parker spoke hastily. 

Mrs. Heywood took her hand and tried to calm her: "It is alright. As a mother I'm fully aware of the decisions we need to make at times. Not all of them suit us or our principles and yet we need to see what is best for our little ones. What I've learned of Mr. Sidney during his stay and the way I know my Charlotte neither of them would have been happy if it meant your unhappiness. Both of them love the children and you and even Mr. Tom Parker. So please, don't think about it any longer. If Mr. Sidney somehow freed himself from that woman we will welcome him back with arms wide open. But if not we will keep him in our prayers and hope that he will still find happiness in life. He deserves it so much". 

"Indeed he does! But I know my brother. Without Charlotte there will be not even one happy day in his life. He is very loyal and once he lost his heart to you you'll never be forgotten".

"Well then I'll keep praying for a miracle".

"As will I!".

They hugged each other and shed a few tears before Mrs. Parker left. 

Mary was so glad when Tom finally fell asleep during the carriage ride. He was talking unceasingly and it was all about Sanditon and Eliza and Sanditon and Lady Worcester and the Prince Regent and Sanditon and Alison's talent which would be in combination with Charlotte's creativity a great addition to the Sanditon family as he called it.   
Once she was sure he was fast asleep she cleared her throat to draw Mr. Stringer's attention. He indeed looked up for he had been staring out of the window and thinking about the Heywoods.   
"Mr. Stringer, may I come and pay you a visit after our arrival home? There is something I need to discuss with you", she queried with a low voice to avoid waking her husband up.   
Mr. Stringer frowned a little but of course gave his consent. 

It was very late afternoon when Mrs. Parker knocked on his door. He welcomed her in and was curious to hear her topic of discussion. 

"Can I offer you some tea, Mrs. Parker?", he asked her politely. 

"No, thank you, Mr. Stringer. I came to tell you a secret. And in doing so I am cheating my husband. You have to promise me that you and your men will still treat him with respect and that you won't speak to anyone about it. Please, Mr. Stringer!", Mrs. Parker seemed in great distress.

"Of course ma'am", he replied while gesturing towards her to take a seat. She accepted the offer and he leaned on the wall opposite to her. 

"Surely you must already be aware that Tom made a few financial mistakes. But we kept his biggest foul a secret. The terrace and other buildings were never insured. The premium was too high and when the fire occurred we would have lost everything. Of course you paid the highest price in losing your father". 

Never insured?! How foolish can a man be?! The debt must be extremely high, he thought.  
"How much are we talking about?", he asked and tried to keep his voice calm. 

Mrs. Parker stared at the floor ashamed to meet his gaze.   
"80.000 pounds", she whispered. 

"80.000?! Are you sure?!".

"Yes. Lady Denham was enraged and was about to have Tom put in debtor's prison. It was Charlotte's idea to convince Lady Denham to give us one week to find investors. As Tom has a reputation in London and the banks surely wouldn't hear him out Sidney offered to go and fix the problem. Unfortunately he didn't have much luck with the bank himself and no one was interested to invest into such a venture. The only person who offered help and was wealthy enough was Mrs. Campion. She offered her money in return for his...well for becoming her husband". 

"He sold himself to her to save his family?!".

"Not his family alone. The whole town. Without money to pay you and the materials needed there would be no expansion and no success. Without success no money comes in which would lead everybody here to poverty".

James needed a few moments to process all. Was Sidney Parker really that noble and honourable a man? Did he let Charlotte down to save all of them, to ensure a regular income and the success of his brother's project? And what kind of brother was Mr. Tom Parker to let his younger brother sacrifice his happiness?   
Mrs. Parker stood up and came a few steps closer. 

"I'm telling you this because I need someone who understands the business and is capable of keeping an eye on Tom. Sidney is trying to find a way out of his engagement and a new financial solution. He asked me to keep an eye on Tom meanwhile but Tom never talks to me about the business. Well, only about the successful parts and not about everything. I believe you are in the best position for the job. Will you do it, Mr. Stringer?".

It felt wrong to monitor his boss - yet he almost ruined the life of everybody in Sanditon by renouncing an insurance for the buildings.   
Would he be foolish enough to do the same or a similar mistake again?

"I just ask you to tell me or Sidney if something doesn't seem right. I do love my husband but he always gets carried away so easily. He doesn't mean harm by doing so. It is just who he is. And as flawed as he is - I do still love him. He just needs someone to keep him in check".

James sighed and run his hand through his curls.   
"I'll be honest with you, ma'am. I feel torn. He is my boss and I am not his childminder. He's a grown up man and should be able to deal with his own problems. But on the other side - I do know him quite well and he gets carried away easily indeed. I wouldn't want the livelihood of my men at risk again!", he sighed again and then continued: "Alright. I'll do it. For my men and for Charlotte. I expect them to marry if Mr. Sidney Parker finds a way out?".

"I would hope so. I have never seen two people that much in love as the two of them. I'm sorry for you. I gather that you fancy Charlotte yourself. But I think-".  
"But she gave her heart to Mr. Sidney and as long as he makes her happy I'm fine with her choice. I thought he decided against her because he wasn't returning her feelings entirely. Now that I know the truth I pity both of them and wish them a lot of luck to find a way to be together". 

"As do I! Thank you very much for your help and support. And please remember to keep it to yourself". 

Mrs. Parker shook his hand and left.   
Love was indeed a strange thing. Being emotionally bound to someone and holding on to them although you've seen them do mistakes and be bad versions of themselves. That was what Mrs. Parker was doing. And Charlotte would do the same for Sidney Parker. He sighed a third time and felt it was a little unfair that the man who was behaving rudely towards her won her heart.   
If all woman would fall for men who behaved like Parker he would surely be alone until the end of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much ❤


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!   
> I really appreciate all your comments. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions with me ❤

It was the third time in a week that Charlotte woke up from her nightmare and cried. She had told Georgiana and her that it was the same nightmare over and over again. Alison was very worried about her beloved sister. Not only was she tortured by those nightmares the coughing was also getting worse or at least not better.   
And Charlotte was too eager to do everything by herself again. Yesterday she tried to go to the drawing home on her own and fainted on the staircase. Thankfully her father and Timothy had been nearby and heard the thunk. They carried her back to her bed and she had a headache until deep into the night.   
She wished there was something she could do to make Charlotte feel better. Physically and emotionally. But her hands were tied. Everyone was anxiously awaiting Dr. Fuchs to come and yet they were dreading it because it meant Georgiana's departure.   
She had been a true friend during all this time and despite being an heiress she helped where she could with the chores, the children and with Charlotte. Nobody asked her to but she offered it everytime. The Heywoods got so used to her that they would surely feel her absence. 

Georgiana knew that her time with the Heywoods was coming closer to an end. She came to love all of them very much. Since being in England she couldn't remember a time where she had laughed as much as she did with the Heywoods.   
She knew that the girls were thrilled by her braiding skills and that all children liked having her in their team while snowball fighting.   
Mrs. Heywood was the perfect mother figure to her. She was kind, loving and very sympathetic.   
Mr. Heywood was very literate and very funny. He had a deadpan humour and made her laugh very often. Indeed Georgiana was very sad to leave soon and go back to the silly Beaufort sisters and Mrs. Griffiths and Mr. Hankins who seemed to spend a lot of time with Mrs. Griffiths.   
Now that she had experienced how satisfying it was to spend a day full of work she couldn't imagine to go back to her dull life in Sanditon.   
If she could only take Charlotte or Alison with her. But when Georgiana asked Mr. Heywood who was suddenly very serious he did not like the idea at all. Instead he asked her to write to Sidney and ask him to stay longer. She could have done that but by the time the letter would have arrived Dr. Fuchs would have already paid his visit and Georgiana didn't want to give Sidney a reason to be displeased with her for asking another favour. Finally they had a better relationship and she didn't want to risk it. Especially the promised trip to Antigua this summer.   
It was the night before Dr. Fuchs would arrive when Charlotte awoke again from her nightmare. Alison had been asked by Rose to sleep next to her so it was only Georgiana who was with Charlotte.   
She had stopped to ask Charlotte if she needed anything. It would only frustrate her and she was very ashamed of having the nightmares at all.   
Georgiana pitied her friend. Yes, she also had nightmares after London. But she had nightmares of the abduction and not Otis. Charlotte had only told them that it was something with Sidney and that she wouldn't tell them what exactly for she didn't want them to think badly of him. Alison and Georgiana had both promised not to do so but Charlotte was determined and remained silent.   
How horrible must this nightmare be to upset Charlotte everytime to such a degree? Georgiana wished there was something she could do to make her beloved friend feel much better. She even thought about offering Sidney her money. But she knew Sidney too well to believe that he would ever accept.   
Another idea that occurred to her was to tell Lady Susan that she had found a benefactor who wished to stay anonymous. But again Sidney would have to give his consent if she wished to use the money before coming of age. Well, there had to be another way to help Charlotte! She just needed to find it. And the sooner the better!

"Really, Sidney! You could have been a little more sociable. You never smiled and refused to dance with anyone!", Eliza criticised. 

"I am not your pet to do whatever you like. I told you I wasn't in the mood to attend the dinner at all. And I surely wasn't prepared to dance. It was a dinner and not a ball".

"But when the host asks for music and wishes us to dance we obey. I don't understand you, Sidney. You used to love dancing!".

"Only with the right partner and when attending a ball!".

"Well, then I'm very lucky that you danced with me at least", she smiled contentedly. 

He had only danced with her because society dictated it. He knew that after dancing with Charlotte there would be no other dancing partner to make him enjoy dancing as much as he did with her.   
Eliza had dragged him to Lord Cormack's dinner the day after their return to London. He hadn't have much sleep and was very moody. But she insisted on his company. It was a tedious gathering and he hated every minute of it.   
Now on their ride back home Eliza verbalised what she was trying to tell him during the whole evening with warning looks and by grabbing his forearm quite firmly it even hurt at times.   
Eliza moved closer and placed her hand on Sidney's knee. 

"I just want to see you behave perfectly to be admired by society. I'm not marrying a hillbilly. But your lack of title and fortune does not entitle you to be moody. Thankfully you are still handsome and at least the ladies forgive you easily". 

He felt more than ever like her pet. Indeed it was what he was. Had he not sold himself to her?!   
He moved away from her to force her to take her hand away from his knee. But she moved even closer. 

"Do you remember our last carriage ride ten years ago? We would kiss the whole ride back. Why not revive those times?", she suddenly suggested sweetly. 

"You mean the ride before you dumped me?!", Sidney asked growing angry. 

Finally Eliza moved away. She frowned and said coldly: "As soon as you're my husband I will not tolerate your moodiness. You'll have to be at your best behaviour. Otherwise I might let your brother taste a bit of that bitter drink he brew himself". 

Sidney contained a sigh and turned to look out of the window although there wasn't much to be seen in the dark. 

The next day he went to Lady Susan to ask if she had any word by now. She had laughed and replied: "Please, Sidney. Let me catch my breath first. It's been only two days since I'm back. I have sent the letters now but of course there is no reply yet. You need to give me some time at least". 

"Of course, excuse me. Patience was never a virtue I claimed to possess". 

"Being in love was never easy. Especially when you are separated from your love. It might take a bit of time but I'm convinced that all will work out".

"If it takes less than four month I would be very happy anything else would be too late".

"Trust me, we will be celebrating Charlotte's and your wedding this summer". 

Sidney couldn't help but smile upon that comment and feel very delighted. 

On his way back home he dared to daydream about the blessed day. Would they marry in Willingden or in Sanditon? And where would they live?   
As much as Charlotte loved Sanditon she might want to live there. She would very much like to see the sea from her windows.   
Next time in Sanditon he would need to keep looking for a fitting place where Charlotte and he could build a home.   
At Bedford Place he was surprised to find Tom. 

"Tom? What are you doing here? Is everything alright?", Sidney greeted him as he entered the drawing room. 

"Sidney! Yes, everything is very well. I'm here to do you a favour! Well, if Eliza agrees of course".

A favour and Eliza's agreement mentioned together in one sentence was no good sign. 

"What kind of favour would that be?".

"Well, to propone the wedding of course!", Tom replied very enthusiastic. 

"What?!", Sidney shouted and felt sick to his stomach.


	23. Chapter 23

"Yes, I have already sent her a note". 

"Tom, why would you do that? I'm not in a hurry to marry her and neither is she. She wants a big wedding with a lot of extras", Sidney said through gritted teeth. 

Tom patted Sidney's shoulder.   
"I know you waited a decade for her. But I've seen you with the Heywood children and I'm convinced that you are ready for fatherhood". 

Fantastic! Tom had witnessed his happiness among the Heywoods but had completely misinterpreted the situation.  
"No, I'm not. At least not now. I was happy with them because they are lovely people and because I was relieved that Charlotte was recovering. Don't ask Eliza to bring the wedding forward! Please!". 

"But we would have our hands earlier on the money if she agrees. I still wonder why she insisted on giving us 2500 £ immediately and the next 2500 £ will be given in April. We still have 75.000 £ to pay. And with all the planned expansions and new buildings we will need more money".

"No! Don't you dare even thinking of further expansions and new buildings. First of all we need to clear off your debts and then if we find other investors we may think about future projects. Eliza is not in possession of an unlimited fortune. If you truly wish for me to have children at some point what would I leave them if we use all of Eliza's money. Even if Sanditon was indeed a success and a safe source of income it would not be enough for all of us".

"What about your businesses? You are the only one of us three to have another source of income. Surely that will cover your costs and-".

"No, Tom, it will not! One of my businesses is financed by the others. I will not risk that particular business. Never! Look, we are all worried about you. You get carried away and end up in chaos because you underestimate costs and efforts. Last summer was a disaster and here you are planning the next sensation".

Tom waved his hand and gestured like the said was nothing.   
"Last summer was just a little blow! We will rise and shine bigger and brighter than before!", he said ecstatically. 

Sidney was massively annoyed and vexed now.  
"For God's sake, Tom! How can you call 80.000 £ debts a 'little blow'? This is a substantial sum! We lost an employee! And I ...I lost something far more valuable. So, please stop calling the fire and your foolishness of having no insurance a mere nothing!".   
He couldn't bare to be in Tom's presence anymore and left the room. 

Tom really didn't understand his brother. Now that all was well why not plan a bit ahead and expand? And why did he not wish to propone the wedding? He had loved Eliza for almost a third of his life. Why would he wish to wait?   
Tom decided to ask Eliza anyway. The worst answer she could give would be 'no' and then he would just have to wait until June to regain his freedom.   
Finally Lady Denham would stop threatening him! The nightmares of Mary and his children starving and him rotting in prison had ended as soon as Sidney had announced his engagement to Eliza. But every now and then - and especially after paying Lady Denham a visit - they would come back again. He couldn't await the wedding to put all behind and look solely forward.

She was standing at the big window and admiring the view. He in return admired the view in front of him as well. She was dressed in a white dress like the one she wore at the Cricket match. Her hair was laid down and the smile on her face was breathtaking. Sidney couldn't help but embrace her from behind and rest his hands on hers.   
"Do you like it?", he asked softly close to her ear.   
"Like it? I love it. Sidney, I can't believe that this is our home now. Thank you!", she kissed his hand.   
He placed a kiss on her hair and then turned her around to him. She smiled brightly at him. And when he slowly leaned down towards her to kiss her she started coughing. She wouldn't stop and lay down on the ground until her mouth and hands were covered in blood. She fainted and Sidney was overcome by panic. He shouted her name but she wouldn't awake. Suddenly everything turned black. 

He was sitting straight in his bed at Bedford Place and was panting. It was just a nightmare, he thought. Or was it indeed? What if Charlotte was truly worse? He refused to think about losing her a third time. But how would he know if she was fine. Unfortunately going back was no option. And he didn't want to stir her family up by writing a letter to them.   
But perhaps he could ask Dr. Fuchs. He was aware that Dr. Fuchs was bound to medical confidentiality - but he was the one paying the man and surely he would have some exclusive rights.   
His heart was still racing and he couldn't fall asleep again. He was too troubled and imagined all sorts of scenarios. One worse than the previous one. 

Charlotte was extremely irritated by those nightmares and prayed that they would stop soon. Why would she keep on having the same nightmare almost every night? If nothing changed she would surely lose her mind. She tried to keep herself occupied as much as possible in the hope of being too exhausted by night to dream. But after fainting on the staircase her father had criticised her harshly and she didn't want to alarm her family any further. Everybody was already worried about her coughing. Yes, it was not getting better. Still she refused to worry about it.   
Later in the morning Dr. Fuchs would arrive and then he could tell them if Charlotte made some progress in her recovery. Charlotte herself was far more frustrated by her emotional state. She never liked being dependent on anyone. And to be suffering like she did was very unusual for her. If she had known that she would be haunted by nightmares she would never have fallen in love at all!   
But then it's an affliction as Susan had told her. When she went to Sanditon she never sought love. And here she was, pining for Sidney. She simply couldn't push him aside. Her mind would always be occupied with him.   
Charlotte sighed and turned to the other side in order to get some sleep before the sun would rise. As she turned around she saw how Georgiana closed her eyes promptly. 

"I know you are awake. I'm sorry I woke you up", she whispered. 

Georgiana opened her eyes. "Never mind. I'm just worried about you, Charlotte". 

"Please don't be! I'm sure this will pass in time. I hope you'll fall asleep soon. You're having a journey ahead of you today". 

Georgiana took Charlotte's hand and soon enough both of them fell asleep. 

Much later Dr. Fuchs entered the house and was greeted warmly by everyone. He was escorted to Charlotte's room by Mr. Heywood who waited outside to let him check on Charlotte. 

"How do you feel, Miss Heywood?", Dr. Fuchs approached Charlotte. 

"Quite well. I didn't have any rise in temperature and I'm feeling stronger everyday".

"Your father told me about your boldness. You need to listen to your body! What about the coughing?".

"It's not worse I suppose".

"But not better either? Let me see then". 

He started to examine Charlotte and took his time while auscultating her lung.   
After he finished he didn't say anything but frowned.

"What is it, Dr. Fuchs? Is something wrong?", Charlotte asked a little alarmed. 

"I'll let your father in and then we can talk about it", he replied seriously. 

Mr. Heywood was called back in and noticed Dr. Fuchs serious expression immediately. 

"I need to come back in two weeks to check again upon you, Miss Heywood. In the meantime you should inhale salted water. Your infection isn't completely gone and your lung still sounds very obstructive. Usually I would prescribe staying in maritime climate but I think it's too soon to remove you to Sanditon".

Sanditon?! Why should his daughter ever set foot there again?! Mr. Heywood was determined to keep her away from that place as long as possible.   
"Sanditon? Why Sanditon?", he asked Dr. Fuchs. 

"It's the closest seaside to your village and as I said I wouldn't like Miss Heywood travelling long distances. A long distant trip could be her undoing. She needs saline air to recover completely. I had hoped you'd made a progress but I fear that is not the case. Yet I'll give you a chance to improve and if it isn't much better in two weeks I'll have to take you with me to Sanditon". 

Mr. Heywood was torn. How could he refuse if this was the only chance for Charlotte to recover completely? 

Sanditon. She would eventually return to her beloved Sanditon and be surrounded by sea air again. Charlotte knew that her father wasn't pleased with the idea. She could read his face like no other. Yet she hoped he would agree to the journey if her health wasn't improving properly.   
Dr. Fuchs stayed for lunch and then it was time for Georgiana to say goodbye. She hugged everyone - some of them even twice - and cried a lot. The youngest had presented her a drawing as a gift and Jonathan who had specifically become fond of Georgiana had made her a leather bracelet with her initials on it. When Charlotte's turn came they wouldn't stop hugging and promising each other letters and to see each other soon. 

The dinner that day was the first one without any addition to the table in weeks. Mr. Heywood was very silent and when he and his wife lay in bed later she asked him what was occupying his mind. 

"You know me to well, my dear. It's Charlotte and Sanditon. I'm against letting her go. But if it's beneficial for her recovery how can I disagree?".

"Of course she must go! Mary Parker will take good care of her. I'm sure we-".

"No! She won't stay with any Parker unless she's married to one. I will not subject Charlotte to Tom Parker's endless glorification of that horrible woman. She'll need to stay with someone else!". 

"I fear there are not many left. She cannot stay with Georgiana for she herself is staying with Mrs. Griffiths. Perhaps there is someone else who would like her to stay with them. We'll have to ask her tomorrow".

Mr. Heywood agreed and hoped very much that there was someone else to care for Charlotte during her visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right now I'm on vacation and the internet reception isn't always the best here. There might be a few days without an update.   
> Sorry in advance. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and your comments ❤
> 
> P.S. sorry for using so many nightmares and dreams. I dream a lot and every event in my life is always build in into a dream/nightmare. I hope it doesn't bother you too much.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arrived home today and had a wonderful vacation. Thank you so much ❤❤❤

While everybody was sleeping Alison was reading the letter from Mr. Stringer over and over again with a shy smile on her lips. He had sent the letter with Dr. Fuchs and had added some sketches and enquired how her family and especially Charlotte were doing. He expressed the wish of showing her the buildings someday and that he looked forward to hearing from her soon. She allowed herself to imagine a visit to Sanditon. Perhaps she could accompany Charlotte if she was to go. Mr. Stringer's smile would flash up in her mind while she tried to sleep. Tonight she was laying next to Charlotte and hoped that she wouldn't be tortured by that nightmare again.   
Indeed in the morning Charlotte told her that she had slept very well and didn't dream at all. 

After breakfast Charlotte was approached by her parents while Alison sat still next to her. 

"Charlotte, we need to discuss your potential journey to Sanditon", Mr. Heywood began the conversation. "If you indeed need to go, I will not be the one to risk your recovery. Yet I don't wish for you to stay with the Parkers. I hope you are sensible enough to see why I don't believe it to be a good idea at this point. Is there anyone else you could stay with? Someone reliable and who respects you?", he asked further. 

"I fear not, papa. Lord and Lady Babington are newlyweds and I wouldn't want to impose my permanent presence on them. There is Lady Denham. As much as I do respect her I'm quite sure she holds the Parkers in contempt and I cannot endure that. There is still Georgiana but she is also staying with Mrs. Griffiths who does not have any more space for another young lady", Charlotte replied. 

"It sounds as if Lady Denham is your best option then", Mrs. Heywood concluded. 

"Let's wait another week until we settle for anything. To be honest, Charlotte, I still hope you'll recover without Sanditon", Mr. Heywood confessed. 

"I know, papa. I'll do my very best". 

Alison had an idea during the conversation and after finishing her chores she went straight up to her father's study who was taking care of some tenant's request and was absent.   
She sat down and wrote a letter. 

Lady Susan was on tenterhooks and awaited replies every day now. When she received a letter seventeen days after her return to London she was surprised to see that it was from Alison Heywood. 

'Dear Lady Susan,  
I hope you had a pleasant journey back to London and that you are in the best of health.   
Unfortunately Charlotte hasn't made as much progress in her recovery as Dr. Fuchs had initially hoped. If she isn't better within the next ten days he'll have to remove her to Sanditon for it is maritime climate that is required. My father refuses to let her stay with the Parkers given the current situation. Regrettably there seems no one else to take her in. Charlotte herself refuses to burden the newlywed Lord and Lady Babington. Lady Denham is the only person left in Sanditon but Charlotte does feel uneasy about it for she knows Lady Denham's disregard for the Parkers and she wouldn't want to hear her talk about her friends in such ways. Now to my request: do you know of someone who is willing to take Charlotte in while she recovers?   
If you could help her I'll be most indebted to you.  
Yours Alison Heywood'

Lady Susan sipped her wine while thinking about the content of the letter. She had different plans for Charlotte but of course her recovery to full health was currently the most important purpose. She went to her desk and wrote a note and two letters. 

Sidney arrived by noon at Melrose Place and waited for Lady Susan in her drawing room. He was excited what news she had. Had she been successful? Was an escape from Mrs. Campion within reach?   
The last week had been like hell. Dr. Fuchs had refused to give him a full report on Charlotte. He had only informed him that "Miss Heywood is currently alive and still on the road of recovery".   
Sidney was most alarmed and didn't sleep well. Three times he had taken his horse and began the journey towards Willingden only to realise that he wasn't welcome as long as he was chained to Eliza. Yet it was driving him mad that he had no clarity of Charlotte's condition.   
When Lady Susan finally entered the room she stopped in her tracks and looked surprised at him. 

"You look quite miserable, dear Sidney ", she greeted him. "What is wrong?".

"I'm not sure, it is just a feeling, but I fear for Charlotte's recovery. I haven't slept well in days".

"It is very fortunate then that I do have some information as a matter of fact".

"You do?", Sidney asked surprised. 

"Yes, indeed. I have received a letter from Alison Heywood this morning. It seems that Charlotte isn't doing as well as the doctor had hoped. She might have to go to Sanditon to complete her recovery".

"Sanditon? Why Sanditon?!".

"Charlotte needs ...what did Alison call it again...ah...maritime climate", Lady Susan answered while looking over the letter again. 

"But why? What is wrong with Charlotte? Does she need anything else?".

"Calm down, Sidney. I believe it isn't that bad otherwise Alison would have written in much more alarmed tones. Actually Alison wrote to ask if there is somebody else who could take Charlotte in because her father dislikes the idea of having her stay with your brother again and Charlotte herself dislikes the idea of staying with Lady Denham". 

"I understand. And what about Lord and Lady Babington?".

"Charlotte doesn't want to disturb their recent marital bliss. You know how selfless she is. I made some arrangements and have a plan how to provide Charlotte a welcoming home while recovering". 

"And what is that plan, Lady Susan, if I may ask?". 

She told Sidney and he liked the idea very much.   
Unfortunately she had no news of her acquaintances and he was still at Eliza's mercy. She promised again that she would inform him as soon as she had word from anyone who was willing to help. 

A week earlier Tom Parker had been afforded to call on Eliza. She had tried to avoid it and didn't react to his endless effort. Yet she had to cave in and let him come. She didn't like that fool very much. It was a shame that he was a relative of Sidney. She was ashamed to be seen with him indeed. Nobody in London respected him or paid much attention to his plans and ideas and follies. She would have to endure him until the wedding. Afterwards he would have no interest in her for sure.   
He came in as always paying her compliments. She had to stop him to make this call of him a very short one. 

"Mr. Parker, what is it you wished to discuss with me? If you are here to ask if I have changed my mind and am willing to give you the money before April then you are mistaken. We had an agreement ".

"Oh no, dearest Eliza. My call is a social one but I do have an idea that might be to your liking".

"And pray, what idea might that be", she asked disinterested.

"How about bringing your wedding forward?", he asked cautiously. 

Eliza had expected a new megalomaniac fantasy but not this. 

"Why would you suggest proponing my wedding? Does Sidney know about your idea?".

"Oh yes, and he's all for it!".

"Is he? I know Sidney to be the kind of man to speak for himself. It's not like him to send his brother".

Tom parker started to get nervous and stammered: "Well, he wouldn't admit it but I'm sure he'd like to marry you rather sooner than later".

"Tom, I'm not a village girl to be content with a small country wedding. My wedding will be phenomenal and the flowers I ordered won't be available until late May. I will not settle for less than perfect on my wedding day. Did I make myself clear?", she said with a sweet voice but a cool ring to it. 

"Yes, yes indeed. And you deserve only the best, dearest Eliza. I just thought that Sidney and you deserve to start your future together as soon as possible. After waiting a decade for each other", Tom replied reverential. 

Oh no, you thought you could claim my fortune earlier for your idiotic plans, she thought to herself. She decided to ignore him and soon after he left apologising for taking up too much of her precious time. If her plan came to fruition - and she had no reason to doubt it - she would soon get rid of him. After the wedding she would have Sidney by her side but Tom would be busy with his own life and wouldn't bother her anymore. What a despicable man he was! 

Tom was truly frustrated. Why would Eliza insist on having the wedding so late? He believed her to be eager to marry Sidney. After all she had been widowed for quite some time now and the comforts of having a husband were at hand. She wouldn't need to care about anything - that would be Sidney's job. And Tom was sure that Sidney would do everything to make Eliza happy. After being forced to give her up he now had a chance at true happiness after almost eleven years.   
Her fortune was of course a bonus that was very welcomed by Tom. In making Eliza a Parker they would make Sanditon the best seaside resort in all of England. It would outshine Brighton and every other resort. He had hoped that it would be this summer in which they would be celebrating the great success but now he had to be patient and wait until next summer. Then he would be fêted for realising all his dreams. He could almost hear the cheer on Sanditon's streets and Lady Denham's applause ring in his ears. All his efforts wouldn't be in vain.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So grateful for your comments and your support ❤❤❤

Charlotte did everything in her power to speed up her recovery and avoid causing her father sorrow by being forced to leave for Sanditon.   
She inhaled every three hours her saline water and she rested a lot. Three days were left until Dr. Fuchs would arrive. And given the progressive coughing her mother had already started packing her clothes into a trunk. Whenever Charlotte was coughing her father would look at her with grief displayed on his face.   
And Charlotte was torn. She didn't want to make her father sad but she did like the idea of returning to Sanditon. Besides missing the sea she needed to know if she could visit without being reminded of Sidney at every turn. And she missed Mary and the children.

Mr. Heywood knew that he couldn't hide his worries. He was afraid of Charlotte returning from Sanditon more heartbroken than before. And what if Charlotte didn't respond to the treatment with sea air? What if her physical and emotional condition got worse? 

"My dear, stop thinking too much. All we can do is support her and pray. I believe she is in good hands with Dr. Fuchs", Mrs. Heywood greeted her husband in the morning of Dr. Fuchs' arrival when he came to the kitchen to get himself a tea. 

"I know. But I hate not being able to help our girl. I wish I could take the coughing from her and spare her the trip to Sanditon. Just the thought of having her collide with that woman makes me sick. I know Charlotte is confident and strong enough to face her. But I hope she won't be forced to see her ever again".

"Don't you worry, my dear. Mrs. Campion has got such elevated airs she wouldn't waste her time in Sanditon. She avoids going there, at least that's what Mr. Sidney had told me". 

Mr. Heywood ran his hand through his hair and sighed.   
His wife kissed him on his cheek and they hugged each other. As long as he had her by his side they would cope with everything that was to come. 

"Have I told you how much I love you lately?", he asked her tenderly. 

"One never tires of hearing it", she answered before kissing him. 

Alison stood in the door frame and smiled while watching her kissing parents. It was uncommon to show such an affection especially in front of your children but Alison was happy that her parents didn't care. By witnessing their love she knew what she would wish for herself. A partner who would support her and make her stronger, someone she could lean on. And the vice versa of course. She wondered if Mr. Stringer would be that man. She had never been in love before and yet she felt a special connection to Mr. Stringer. Perhaps it was only their shared interest in architecture.   
Well, time would tell. She just hoped that she wouldn't end up as heartbroken as Charlotte at some point for she knew that she hadn't the strength her sister possessed. 

"Young lady, how long have you been standing there?", her father asked her in a playful tone. 

"Long enough to know that I would wish for a marriage as yours", she replied still smiling.   
Her father shook his head smiling too and left the kitchen after giving her a kiss on her cheek. 

"So? How was the night? Any ...incidents?", Mrs. Heywood asked in a low voice. 

One night she had heard Charlotte's sobs and had asked Alison later what the matter was. Alison had confided in her mother but they decided to keep the nightmares a secret in order to not alarm her father any further. 

"This night was quite despite her coughing. I hope Dr. Fuchs has good news for us". 

"So do I. Although I'm not sure if she recovers faster in Sanditon. She won't have little siblings running into her room every now and then asking her questions. Or a little sister who wouldn't stop talking about Sidney Parker and how she decided she'll marry him when she's grown up".

Alison chuckled here: "Actually it is really cute that Rose is so smitten by him. Yet you are right. Although Charlotte smiles whenever Rose approaches her with her plans I can clearly see the pain she tries to hide. Oh, mamma, I would do anything to see both of them reunited". 

Mother and daughter sighed heavily and then Alison left to bring in the eggs. 

Upstairs Charlotte was still laying in bed and thinking about her latest nightmare. She had gotten quite good at waking up after one and making no noise. She was absolutely positive that Alison hadn't noticed the one she had tonight.   
Her mind was very creative in constructing new settings for her nightmares.   
While she had been dreaming for weeks of being left at the altar by Sidney she was now left by him during giving birth to their first child.   
Two days ago she was left by him during a ball Lady Susan had arranged in honour of the newlywed Mr. and Mrs. Sidney Parker.   
Charlotte knew in her heart that Sidney would never do such a thing...and yet she couldn't help but feel like she would never be a priority when it came to his family.   
Why bother and even think about it? He is about to marry Mrs. Campion and none of it will matter anymore, she thought to herself and left her bed to get ready for the day. Surely Dr. Fuchs would arrive in a few hours. 

It was early noon when a carriage halted in front of the Heywood house. The first thing Mr. Heywood noticed was that the carriage looked far more elegant than the one Dr. Fuchs had come with the last time. When a footman opened the carriage's door it was Lady Worcester who exited. He had no clue why the lady would visit again but was sure he would be informed soon. Behind her Dr. Fuchs also got out the carriage. 

"Lady Worcester. Dr. Fuchs. Welcome back", he greeted them at the door. 

"I told you to call me Susan. Please, I insist on it".

"Right. I must confess I'm surprised to see you here, Lady Susan. I was only expecting Dr. Fuchs". 

She smiled understanding and explained: "Ah you see, Dr. Fuchs' examination of Charlotte today is the reason I came. Alison asked for my help and here I am offering it". 

Mr. Heywood frowned. "What kind of help? I don't understand why Alison would ask you". 

"Perhaps I can explain everything to you while enjoying a hot cup of tea? It is still bitterly cold here". 

Mr. Heywood apologised for his bad manners and let the guests enter the house. Dr. Fuchs went up immediately eager to check on Charlotte. Mr. Heywood asked Anne to tell Alison that her presence was required in the drawing room. 

As soon as Alison came into the room she stopped and said: "Lady Susan? What a surprise to see you here".

Her father snorted and stated: "That makes two of us then. And yet Lady Susan told me that you are the reason she's here. You asked for her help? What kind of help did you have in mind, dear child?". 

Alison knew her father was displeased with her.   
"I just asked if Lady Susan knows of someone who could take Charlotte in while recovering in Sanditon. Someone else than the Parker's and Lady Denham. But I never received an answer", she explained to her father. 

Here Lady Susan piped up cheerfully: "Yes, I did not answer for I liked to share the news with you in person. I will be the one offering Charlotte a home during her recovery". 

Mr. Heywood raised his eyebrows and asked: "But I thought your home is in London". 

"Indeed it is. Yet I have rented one of the finished apartments. I do not need to tell you how delighted Tom Parker is at the prospect of having me stay there".

"But Charlotte's recovery might take months", Mr. Heywood chipped in. 

"And I am prepared to stay as long as Charlotte needs to be in Sanditon. I'll take good care of her. I just fear that she might get bored with having only me as a companion. I can assure you I am very insipid at times. Which is why I'm asking you to take Alison also with me". 

One look into Alison's face and her father knew that he would give in. He hadn't seen her eyes shine with excitement in a while now. She deserved to have her own little adventure. Although he prayed she wouldn't fall in love with someone over there. 

He sighed and said: "Very well - but as soon as the snow is gone and spring is in full swing we need every hand we can get on the farm. If Charlotte indeed needs to stay for months I cannot spare Alison that long. With Anthony and Samuel gone and Charlotte recovering we are already understaffed". 

Alison hugged her father and kissed his cheek over and over again.   
"Oh, papa! Thank you so so much!". 

Lady Susan smiled at the sight. He indeed hoped that he wouldn't regret letting Alison go. 

"Well, first of all we need to await Dr. Fuchs' evaluation. Perhaps we are lucky and she doesn't need to go at all". 

Needless to say that Mr. Heywood was the only one in this room to consider it lucky if Charlotte was to stay in Willingden. 

Alison really did not want to be selfish but the thought of leaving Willingden and with her beloved sister and Lady Susan was so tempting. Moreover her mother was right. Charlotte had better chances at recovering away from their busy household. They went up to the smaller drawing room next to Charlotte's room to wait for Dr. Fuchs. 

When he finally came to them he had a slightly anxious expression on his face. 

"I'm sorry but she isn't much better and I don't feel comfortable with leaving her here. She needs to go to Sanditon", he commented. 

Mr. Heywood sighed heavily and asked: "Can you at least promise me that the treatment in Sanditon will help her recover completely?".

"I cannot. But from my experience the chance of succeeding is much higher than failing". 

What choice did he have? He had to let her go and keep on praying that she'll do well. 

"Alison? Help your sister pack up the rest of her belongings and afterwards you can take care of your own. I'll inform your mother and your siblings. Lady Susan and Dr. Fuchs we would be honoured if you'd stay and have lunch with us". 

Both guests accepted the invitation. 

It was a tearful goodbye. Her family was worried about her health and Charlotte disliked the idea of causing them worries. She tried to conceal the chest pain from all the coughing by smiling a lot and hugging and kissing every one more than once. 

"Take good care of yourself and no more heroic acts, my dearest Charlotte", her mother said with tears in her eyes. 

"Do not worry, mamma. I'll do everything Dr. Fuchs demands from me. I'll try to come back as soon as possible", she kissed her mother goodbye and moved to her father. 

"I'll miss you very much. There is no other advise I have than the one before your first visit. Just be careful", he said while hugging her and kissing her on her cheek. 

She got into the carriage afterwards and could hear Rose requesting sea shells from Alison for she didn't know when Sidney Parker would come back to her.   
As much as she loved her little baby sister she was glad that she wouldn't have to hear her endless speeches about Sidney anymore.   
When the carriage set off Alison and she waved the family goodbye. 

During the ride to Sanditon all three of her companions would ask her if she was well, if she was too cold, if she liked to stretch her legs, if she was hungry etc.  
She knew nobody meant harm and of course it was Dr. Fuchs' job to make sure that she was well - and yet she detested all the fuss and being treated like an invalid!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry! I fell asleep before uploading the chapter. This heatwave in Europe is exhausting 😅
> 
> As always: thank you very much for your support ❤

After her conversation with Tom Eliza did not think about his suggestion any further.   
Yet, by and by doubt was creeping over her.   
Was Tom aware of an information she was not?   
Did he witness Sidney cheating on her?   
Perhaps Sidney had second thoughts and confided in his brother?  
Of course it was unlikely that Sidney would find a better match than herself. She was wealthy, beautiful and well-respected by the beau monde. What else would someone in Sidney's position wish for?   
A prick in her chest reminded her of her late husband and her self-doubt came washing over her. She felt like choking and her whole body was trembling.   
Would Sidney dare to do the same to her? Despite believing that she was at least the key to his brother's freedom? Would he truly risk that?   
She had seen his despair last year when he came to ask for financial support for that sandpit. She couldn't believe for even one second that he would let his family down by choosing someone else.   
And who would it be? Surely not that farm mouse. She had nothing to offer and Sidney would be extremely oafish to risk his family's position by settling down for her.   
And there was no other woman wealthy as her in England she knew of. Only his ward but that was no option.   
Her distress got worse and she walked to the window to open it with trembling fingers after ringing for her lady's maid. When Marie entered she knew what to do. She went to the window, put her hands on Eliza's shoulders and started to breath calmly in and out. At some point Eliza joined her and the trembling dissolved. She sat down in a chair nearby and Marie brought her a glass of wine.   
They never spoke about those moments of panic. Marie was discreet and knew everytime what to do. Eliza was grateful for that but she didn't see why she should talk to a servant about it.   
In those moments she hated Mr. Campion all the more. He'll never know what kind of damage he had caused.   
Eliza's determination took over again  
Never ever would she allow a man to have that much power over her to break her heart and spirit.   
She decided to make some visits and along the way she would enquire about Sidney and see if he was showing any signs of second thoughts. 

Every one of her acquaintances she met that day had nothing bad to report about Sidney. At least nothing Eliza was afraid of. He seemed to be less sociable and refused politely to dance with any young lady at balls. Nobody had seen him in company of anyone else than his brother, Mr. Crowe or herself.   
Eliza was very satisfied. Yet she despised Tom all the more for causing such doubts. Perhaps she could use Tom's suggestion to create space between the two brothers for she knew how much Sidney disliked the idea of his older brother making decisions for him. And if they were at odds with each other she wouldn't have to deal with him after the wedding.   
She sent a note to Sidney and asked him to meet her that day.   
They greeted each other politely and then the silence took over. 

Sidney got used to being in Eliza's company. He would let her talk and sometimes even reply when he rarely listened to the said.   
Every now and then she would ask him a favour e.g. visiting her acquaintances together, attending a ball together or just take a walk in the park to make their premarital bliss visible to everyone.   
He never declined for Susan had instructed him to do exactly as Eliza pleases.   
After Tom's return to Sanditon three days ago he hadn't heard from Eliza anymore. He was happy to spend his spare time with Crowe. They would sit at Bedford Place and talk and drink (Crowe much more than Sidney) until Crowe would doze off. Then Sidney would keep on thinking of Charlotte until he too would fall asleep. 

"Well, Sidney. I was very surprised to see that you would sent your brother to me instead of speaking to me directly", she said after a while. 

"I told you that Tom is currently better informed about the business than I am. That's why he is the one to talk business to". 

"I'm not talking about business. Your brother approached me with an idea, a private one I dare say".

Tom wouldn't have asked Eliza to bring the wedding forward, would he?! After asking him explicitly not to do it?!

"And what idea might that be?", Sidney asked getting tense. 

"He asked me to propone the wedding".

He really did it! His hands formed to fists and he bristled with anger. Why was Tom disrespecting his wishes?   
There was only one way to handle the situation. He had to talk to him as soon as possible and make him understand that he was welcome to ruin his own life but to keep out of Sidney's!   
Of course killing him was the first idea popping up in his mind but Charlotte would never forgive him if he did that. Moreover he wouldn't want to leave his nieces and nephews fatherless or Mary without a husband. He tried to calm himself to continue the conversation. 

"And what is your thought on that matter?", he asked although he feared to dislike her answer. 

"I told him that our wedding has to be perfect in every way and that I'm not willing to settle for less".

Sidney sighed in relief. 

"Although I believe that we could marry two weeks earlier. The flowers would be available then and my dress is expected to arrive from Paris within the next few weeks", Eliza added.

No, no, no!, he thought. Please, don't do that. 

"Yes, I think I have just made up my mind. I'll arrange the change of the date on the invitations tomorrow". 

"Why hurry, Eliza?".

"Why not? Have we not waited long enough? Almost eleven years. We chose each other now and the sooner we start our life together the better", she replied sweetly. 

Sidney had no excuse for not marrying her earlier except the truth. And yet he had to try at least once to distance Eliza from that idea. 

"Do I have no saying in this?", he asked seriously. 

She cackled and replied: "Silly Sidney, did you forget that I'm superior in wealth and position? There is nothing for you to decide on. I'm the only one in charge". 

He remained silent for he knew he had nothing polite to say. She kept on talking about the wedding and soon after he left.   
He had promised Charlotte to be a better man but tonight was an exception and he needed to let all the tension out of his body by exercise. He headed straightforward to the club he knew best and was welcomed respectfully.   
While taking down his opponents one by one he formed a plan.   
Tomorrow he would leave for Sanditon and talk to Tom. And he needed a word with Lady Susan to inform her that they had now two weeks less time to find a way out of this. 

Eliza was very content with herself. When she witnessed Sidney's anger she suspected it wasn't only directed to his brother. And when he tried to leave the wedding date as it was set she knew what to do.   
Yes, why wait when she could still have her vision of a wedding and even a little earlier?   
That way Sidney would have less time to get cold feet and she could call him hers soon enough.   
Despite hating Tom Parker she had to acknowledge the part he played in this and be grateful for approaching her in the first place.   
Now all she needed to hope for was that Sidney would make her forget her previous painful marriage experience. Perhaps after sampling Sidney's love she would learn to let her heart trust and love a man again completely. In any case Sidney was the safest choice for she did love and know him once. And he was still the honourable gentleman like eleven years ago, he wouldn't let her down once they were married, she was sure about that.   
Eliza sighed happily and was surprised to feel excited about the wedding and even a few butterflies in her stomach. Was she already falling for Sidney again? Careful, Eliza, he has to love you first and prove it more than once by all his actions before you can love him, otherwise you'll end up like before, she chided herself.  
She stood up from her seat, walked to her desk and started writing letters.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate all your comments and thoughts on Tom and Eliza.   
> Thank you so much ❤

As soon as Charlotte could see the shore she opened the window to let the sea air in. Dr. Fuchs approved and Charlotte turned to Alison to see her excited face. They held hands and giggeled.   
It felt like coming home to Charlotte for she felt an inner peace and contentment. Of course there was a hollow pain in a piece of her broken heart but she tried to ignore it and enjoy being back.   
She loved Sanditon, the sea and the bustle here so much.   
When they arrived none other than Tom Parker was standing in front of the entry to the house. 

"Welcome, welcome! Lady Worcester, Charlotte and Alison we are delighted to have you here with us!", he greeted them cheerfully. 

"Thank you, Mr. Parker", Lady Susan replied politely. 

"So Charlotte, tell me, is your heart already mending?", Tom asked and winked at her. 

Did he know? But how? Did Mary tell him finally the truth?

Before anyone could answer he said: "I know you've been heartbroken to leave Sanditon but now that you are back it will heal soon enough!".

"First of all Miss Heywood needs to recover from her chest infection", Dr. Fuchs interjected. 

"Ah yes, the main reason you are here, my dear. Well, I am convinced that you will be well soon enough. And then I'd like to show you the progress and like to hear your opinion", Tom commented. 

"Mr. Parker, please excuse us but we need to settle in and rest from our journey", Lady Susan said in an authoritative tone. 

"Yes, yes of course! I have business to attend to anyway. I just wanted to welcome you to Sanditon by myself". 

After he left, Dr. Fuchs excused himself too and the ladies entered the apartment. It was spacious enough for all three of them and each one had her own bedroom. The furnishings were tasteful and not over the top.   
"I dare say I will feel here at home very much. What about you?", Lady Susan asked the young women. 

"Very much so! I already love this place", Alison answered enthusiastically. 

Charlotte smiled upon the reply of her sister and said: "I like it too. We shall have a lot of fun together". 

"You are not here to have fun, Miss Heywood, you are here for your recovery!", Lady Susan said impersonating Dr. Fuchs. 

All of them laughed and then Susan suggested that they should freshen up and afterwards have some tea.   
The girls agreed and each went to her room.   
Later during tea they received a note from Dr. Fuchs with the treatment plan for Charlotte.   
Every night before going to bed she shall leave her window open to let the sea air in. She shall visit the cliff tops or the shore every four hours and never alone in case she was to faint. No walks were allowed until she was much better.   
Charlotte sighed in frustration upon seeing the instructions.   
"I am fond of walking and one can only enjoy the sea on foot. I hope that I'll be fine soon". 

"For your sake I hope so too, but for your sister's I hope you'll take your time to complete your recovery. Alison still has to discover Sanditon on her own", Lady Susan spoke honestly. 

"Oh no, I would rather have Charlotte well again than my own pleasures", Alison stated in a serious tone. 

Lady Susan shook her head and commented: "I have never met anyone who is as altruistic as you two are. I hope you'll only meet people who will appreciate that quality rather than take advantage of it". 

Charlotte never thought of herself as altruistic. She was taught by her parents to be caring of others and to try to make them also happy. Moreover as the elder sisters you would not put yourself first for you always have to share with the younger ones. 

"Anyway, I propose that I'll be the one to accompany Charlotte tomorrow to all her treatment sessions and you, dear Alison, may go out and enjoy Sanditon. I'm sure Mr. Parker is eager to show you around", Lady Susan announced. 

"Oh no, I cannot let you do that. I came to support Charlotte in the first place", Alison objected. 

"Oh no my dear, I had other plans for you in mind. I insist upon it and I also insist upon a detailed report afterwards". 

Alison smiled shyly and turned to Charlotte. 

"Do not look at me guilty, I too, want you to have fun and make the most of this visit!", Charlotte chided her sister. 

Alison leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Thank you, Charlotte!".

That night she slept very well. No nightmares and not as much coughing as in Willingden.   
After breakfast Tom Parker indeed called on them. 

"I was just walking by when a phenomenal idea came to my mind: Why not show at least Alison around? After seeing your sketches you must die to see the buildings in reality". 

"I would like that very much". 

"It settled then! Come along, my dear!", Tom was already dragging her towards the door.   
Charlotte and Lady Susan waved her goodbye and soon after left too for the first treatment session.   
Lady Susan stayed in the carriage and read a book while Charlotte walked a few steps always in short distance to the carriage. Lady Susan would watch out for her every time she turned a page.   
Despite her expectations the sea air was causing some itching and burning in the back of her throat as time passed.   
On the ride back to the apartment she was coughing a lot again. So much so that Lady Susan insisted on calling for Dr. Fuchs.   
Upon his arrival Charlotte was much better but had had a lot of sputum. Dr. Fuchs was very pleased with the result of her first session. 

"Perfect! Your body is already excreting the sputum from your lung. The next days will be very hard for you. A progression of the coughing is to be expected. But afterwards it will be much better. To avoid chest pain you should take up the treatment with willow tree bark again. If however your sputum is admixed with blood call me immediately!", he instructed.

Lady Susan and Charlotte thanked him for coming and Lady Susan went to a maid to order the willow tree bark brew.   
Being an invalid wasn't to Charlotte's taste. And now less than ever for Lady Susan looked very worried and Charlotte felt bad for causing it.   
Usually she would be the one to take care of others. She wasn't used to all the attention and being idle.   
She needed to find something useful to do despite her sickness. Preferably something to support Sanditon's success. Later she would ask Tom if he had an idea. 

Meanwhile Alison was in awe. Everything looked exactly as Charlotte had described and seeing that her own sketches were pretty close to reality was overwhelming. Tom Parker explained all the progress in detail and even told her of his ideas for the future. Some of them seemed quite farfetched at least in her opinion. Mr. Stringer joined them soon and greeted Alison warmly. She blushed and thanked him for his letter and the sketches. 

"It was my pleasure, Miss. So, is Sanditon just as you imagined it to be?".

"Much better! I already am in love", she replied blushing deeply. 

Upon hearing love mentioned Mr. Stringer blushed too.

"Of course you are! Just as Charlotte. And how can someone not be in love with our perfect seaside town?", Tom Parker interjected. 

"How long will you be staying here, Miss?", Mr. Stringer enquired. 

"A few weeks I suppose. Even if Charlotte's recovery takes longer I have to get back to help on the farm".

"That's a pity then because you might miss the opening of the rebuilt terraces". 

"That's indeed unfortunate but I wouldn't want to let my family down". 

"Come along, Alison, I'll show you the bathing machines", Tom offered his arm. 

"Will you join us, Mr. Stringer?", Alison asked bravely but blushing deeply. 

Mr. Stringer smiled brightly and replied: "I would love to, but I have to oversee the work. Perhaps another time". 

Alison smiled back and wondered why she felt so disappointed. Of course he had work to do and wasn't unoccupied as she was. She couldn't expect him to have spare time for her. Yet he said another time and she would pin him down to that.   
The rest of the tour was very lovely and Alison didn't realise how long they had been away when she saw Charlotte and Lady Susan on the cliff tops. She asked Tom if she could join them and he consented and made his way back into town on his own. 

"How are you, Charlotte?", she enquired as soon as she had reached them. 

"I'm fine. I missed the sea and I'm enjoying being back". 

"Do not lie to your sister, Charlotte! She'll find out soon enough. Alison, your sister has to get worse to get better. At least that's what Dr. Fuchs said. The next two days will be hard on us all", Lady Susan chipped in. 

"Oh Charlotte!", Alison worried and hugged her sister. 

"Please don't make such a fuss. According to Dr. Fuchs it is absolutely normal at this stage of my recovery. So, let's get home and have dinner", Charlotte stated. 

The next two days were indeed a hardship. Every cough was observed sceptically and Lady Susan and Alison were always on the alert.   
On the third morning of being in Sanditon Charlotte woke up and felt almost like another person. She had no chest pain, the stertorously breathing she would have especially in the morning was gone and it was at most a mild coughing that was left.   
During breakfast she conveyed the news of feeling much better and everyone cheered in relief.   
After her first session Dr. Fuchs came to examine her and had good news afterwards. 

"Just as I said. Much better, Miss Heywood. Now you are allowed to walk a little longer distances but stay nearby the carriage. Just in case". 

"Thank you, Dr. Fuchs. I will", Charlotte said grateful. 

Every progress of recovery was welcome to her.   
Alison asked if she could accompany her to the session before dinner and Charlotte was very pleased with the idea.   
They had not seen Mary Parker or the children yet and Charlotte had the idea of collecting sea shells and perhaps do handicrafts with the children as soon as she was allowed to visit them.   
The sun stood already low and Charlotte enjoyed the walk with Alison. Thankfully the sea air wasn't causing pain any more when inhaling it deeply. She was thinking about Mary and the children and feared that Mary might be upset with Charlotte for not staying with them again like before. 

At some point Alison disengaged from Charlotte's arm.   
"Oh Charlotte look! I believe over there are more shells. You should go and look there while I'll be over here and collecting the nicest ones", Alison exclaimed suddenly with a mischievous smile before walking into Charlotte's opposite direction.   
Charlotte made her way to the place Alison pointed at slowly and kept looking for sea shells.   
Suddenly she stumbled upon a pair of boots and looked up to see a tall man dressed in trousers and a white shirt which was still unbuttoned. His hair was damp and drops of water ran over his face to his bare chest. When he gave her a crooked grin her heart started beating faster than before. She couldn't turn her eyes away from him and yet she managed to look around and realise it was 'his' cove they were standing in.   
His look was very intense and he came closer when she blushed as she recalled their last 'meeting' there


	28. Chapter 28

"Miss Heywood, am I never to get away from you? This time I hope your answer won't be 'Mr. Parker, I can assure you, you're the last person I wish to see'", he said teasingly. 

He remembered her exact words?!   
She couldn't look him in the eyes anymore and her eyes wandered to his chest where she noticed a bruise below his right clavicle. She frowned and wondered what happened. When she looked up again she caught him following her gaze. He looked sadly at her and hurried to button up his shirt. 

"I'm surprised to see you here Mr. Parker".

"I just arrived from London. I have something to discuss with Tom and Lady Susan but before doing so I needed to cool down a bit". 

"Oh? Is everything alright?".

"No, to be honest it's not. I'm engaged to a woman I do not love and now she decided to bring the wedding forward by two weeks". 

Charlotte was utterly shocked to hear the news.   
She only managed to stammer: "I understand!", before turning around and trying to hide the upcoming tears by leaving.   
Before she knew what was happening she was already in his arms and crying at his chest. 

Sidney felt like reliving a past event when she said "I understand". Again it was him causing her pain yet he wished for nothing more but consoling and protecting her forever. It was an impulse to take her into his arms and he couldn'thelp it. She cried and cried. He held her tight and kept his lips on her head caressing it softly. When she calmed down she tried to free herself from him but he couldn't let her go. 

"Charlotte, please forgive me. It was Tom's idea. Trust me, my first impulse was to kill him after-".

"Sidney!", Charlotte said chiding and looking up to him. 

"Yes, I know. Do not fear I promise I will only talk to him. But yesterday when she told me I needed to vent my anger. I went to a fighting club and Crowe made quite a fortune by betting on me", he chuckled. 

Charlotte frowned and traced the bruise softly with her fingers. 

"I wish you wouldn't endanger yourself. If something happens to you ...", she couldn't complete the sentence and he saw new tears glistening in her eyes. 

He took her hand and kissed her knuckles tenderly.   
"My love, you are all that keeps me alive. Every day and every hour and every minute. I have never felt like this before. And as I strive to be a better man I am aware of my responsibility for my family and you. I will not risk my life. It's only a bruise and doesn't even hurt". 

Still looking each other deeply into the eyes Sidney leaned down to claim a kiss when the wind blew stronger and he shivered for he was still damp. Charlotte managed to extricate herself from him and ordered him to finish dressing up.   
He obeyed and smiled to himself. Last year he wouldn't have believed if someone had told him that he'd enjoy being at a woman's beck and call. But Charlotte was an exception. He would do anything for her - which was at times scaring him because nobody had ever held so much power over all his senses. Not even Eliza who had almost ruined him a decade ago.   
While putting on his coat and his boots he watched Charlotte intently.   
She was still thinner than last year but not as pale as he had seen her first in Willingden. Despite the sadness in her eyes she looked all in all content. Charlotte blushed again when she saw him looking at her the way he did.   
She seemed to be deeply in thoughts anf after a while she cleared her throat. 

"Mr. Parker, I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have lost my composure. I have no right to be shocked by the news. We both accepted that you are to marry Mrs. Campion and I shouldn't make it any harder for you. Forgive me", she said determined. 

Sidney stepped closer to her and took her hands in his.

"Charlotte, don't apologise for your feelings! But you are wrong if you believe me to have accepted this engagement. If I truly have to marry her I might as well die. There is no life for me without you in it. Now that I have finally found you and what my heart was yearning for unknowingly all those years before I am not ready to let it go. Somehow I'll find a way!".

She smiled sadly at him and kissed his hands: "Let's not hope too much. It'll ruin our lives. The sooner we accept what is to come the better". 

"Have you given me up already? Is our love not worth fighting for?", he asked hurt. 

"Not if it means that Mary or the children will have to live a horrible life. Not if it means that you'll let your whole family down. Not if we are causing so much trouble in other people's life. If however our love was coming without negative consequences than I would do everything in my power to make you my husband, to be your wife, to be allowed to love you and share my life with you. But as a matter of fact this right now is our reality and there is no escaping it. We must learn to accept it". 

Sidney shook his head. "I told you, I can't and I won't!".

She removed her hands from his and said very formal: "Mr. Parker, I fear this conversation needs to come to an end. My sister is waiting for me and I'm sure Lady Susan is wondering why we are not home yet. Good day to you". 

She turned around and left. He followed her as if in a trance.   
Why was she giving up so easily? He promised her that he would find a way and yet she decided it was better to accept the present. He wouldn't stop hoping for a future together with her.   
When they arrived to the spot where Alison was standing he grinned and she smiled brightly back: "Mr. Parker, what a big surprise to see you here".

"Please, call me Sidney. We are friends now, are we not?".

"Indeed we are".

"Alison, let's go home. Lady Susan is surely awaiting us already", Charlotte stated firmly. 

While Charlotte made her way to the carriage Alison stayed behind. 

"Thank you so much for giving us this moment. I'm not sure I like the outcome but I still will treasure every encounter with Charlotte".

"It was my pleasure. I hope to see you soon again but now I need to accompany Charlotte home". 

"Yes, of course! Goodbye". 

When Alison was looking for shells earlier she had observed someone swimming in the sea. Later when she looked up again she recognised Sidney Parker wearing trousers and just putting on his shirt. She knew that she had to give both of them an opportunity to talk again without prying eyes nearby.   
Yes, it was really improper and her father would be very displeased with her if he was ever to know about it - and yet Charlotte and Sidney deserved to be together. Even if it was only for a few moments.   
When he looked up and saw her he looked quizzically at her like asking where Charlotte was. She had nodded and smiled in reply to beckon him that she would send her his way.   
Afterwards she didn't look back and respected their privacy.   
Seeing Charlotte so grim in the carriage now made her doubt a little in what she had done earlier. 

"Are you alright, Charlotte?", she enquired. 

"Yes, I couldn't be better", Charlotte replied but sounded nothing like it. 

Alison knew her sister well enough to give her some space now.   
As soon as they arrived at the apartment she went directly into her room and Alison was left behind. 

"Alison dear, is that you in the corridor?", Lady Susan asked. 

"Yes, it's me". 

She stepped into the drawing room where Lady Susan was reading a book. 

"What is wrong with your sister? She didn't even greet back".

Alison looked down at her hands. 

"She met Mr. Sidney Parker down at the shore".

"Sidney is here? Well that is unexpected. Unless it is not really. Wherever Charlotte is Sidney cannot be far away. Did he mention how long he will be staying?".

"I fear we did not converse that much as Charlotte was already waiting in the carriage". 

Alison continued to tell Lady Susan what she had done and that she had no idea why Charlotte was in a bad temper now.   
Lady Susan congratulated her on her fantastic job to allow both of them a private moment. 

"I'm very glad you came with us. You'll be quite helpful in this. Perhaps I should call on Sidney and ask him what has transpired between the two of them. But I suppose it has to wait until tomorrow for we are having dinner in half an hour. Maybe your sister will confide in us anyway". 

"I really do hope so. Seeing her like this makes me very sad. I just want her to be happy". 

"And she shall be again. Sidney and I are doing all we can to make it happen. We just need to wait and see what happens. Thankfully we still have time until June. Every day might bring good news. Ah and speaking of good news: Miss Lambe paid me a visit during your absence. She was hoping to find you two also here. She left a note for you. Go and read it with Charlotte. It might cheer her up a little", Lady Susan said while handing Alison the note. 

Alison did as advised and Charlotte seemed to be happy to hear from her dear friend. 

"Is it settled then? She invites us to tea tomorrow. Do you feel well enough to go?", Alison asked her sister worried. 

"Yes, I believe I will be. Yet today I think it's best if I go to bed already. I don't feel hungry and I have a headache". 

"Shall I sit with you then until you are asleep?".

"No! That's very kind of you but not necessary. Go have dinner and tell Lady Susan I'm sorry for not attending", Chatlotte dismissed her. 

After Alison left her room Charlotte lay down on her bed and sighed in frustration. She did have a headache but it was caused by the endless thoughts she had in her mind.   
Her emotions were running wild.   
She loved him so much and she had almost let him kiss her earlier. Thankfully the wind made her come to her senses. Even crying in his arms was actually too much. Her heart was yearning to be reunited with him yet she could not understand why he would speak of a future together while it was simply impossible.   
She was not a pessimist but a realist. And right now there was no way to free Sidney. Disregarding the debt there was still his social and moral obligation. He couldn't leave Mrs. Campion without creating a scandal. And why risking his family's reputation and social standing? It wasn't worth it.   
Last year she was naive enough to believe true love was always worth the risk but now she knew that it was selfish.   
Why was Sidney so unreasonable? She was concerned that somehow he might do something that would ruin the Parkers.   
If she was passing him on it should at least have a positive outcome for the Parkers!   
Where was the most sensible brother when she needed him to be reasonable and to help each other accept the heartbreaking reality?!   
"Oh Sidney", she sighed desperately into her cushion before falling asleep at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!   
> Yesterday I started working again after three weeks of holidays and I was a little bit overwhelmed 🙈
> 
> If I can't manage to upload chapters as frequently as before I ask your forgiveness in advance. Still going to try to post at least every second day. 
> 
> Thank you for your incredible support so far ❤❤❤


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your understanding! 💐  
> And your comments and your support and your patience and your love for Sanditon and this story ❤❤❤

"Uncle Sidney!", shouted the children as soon as he came through the door of Trafalgar House. 

Mary came along and was very happy to see him. 

"Oh Sidney, what a wonderful surprise!", she exclaimed while hugging him. 

They sat down in the drawing room. The children all around him. 

"We missed you, uncle Sidney!", Jenny said and her siblings nodded in agreement. 

"I missed you too. Unfortunately I had some important and boring business to attend to and I couldn't come earlier". 

"Mamma just told us that Charlotte is back. She is still sick but as soon as she feels better she can come and play with us again! Will you be still here and play with us as well?", asked him Alicia. 

"This time uncle Sidney and I will win the boat race!", Henry shouted proudly. 

Sidney only laughed but did not answer Alicia's question for he did not know how long he was to stay. He yearned to be near Charlotte yet he had to keep Eliza good humoured. 

"Is Tom home? I need to speak to him", he turned to Mary.

She shook her head and replied: "He's not but must be home any minute as dinner will be served soon. You are more than welcome to stay and dine with us". 

"Yaaaaaaaay", the children cheered and Sidney accepted the invitation. 

As predicted Tom came home five minutes before dinner was served and Sidney decided to speak to him afterwards. Actually he had rather spoken to him as soon as possible and get it out of the way but he didn't want to stir Mary and the children up by possibly shouting at Tom. Moreover the dinner might give him time to calm down and perhaps the urge to hurt Tom somehow would fade away.   
During dinner Tom of course did not stop speaking of Sanditon and again all the ideas he had collected for next year.   
After dinner the children were sent to bed and Sidney finally had a moment alone with Tom and Mary. 

"Why did you not bring Eliza with you?", Tom asked him with a glass of whiskey in his hand. 

"Now that she's proponing the wedding by two weeks I guess she has a lot to take care of", Sidney answered dryly. 

Mary gasped and nearly let her glass with wine slip her hand. 

"What? Why would she do that?", she asked confused. 

"That is fantastic news, Sidney! Congratulations!", Tom exclaimed happily. 

"Tom, I know that you talked to her and implied the idea. I'm actually just her on behalf of telling you to stop meddling in my life! I was fine with the first week of June. You have no idea what kind of trouble you caused, Tom. But I suppose you never are aware of your faults. Excuse me, Mary!", he had to leave before he would lose his temper and say something he might regret later. 

Mary ran after him: "Sidney, I am utterly sorry. If I had known what he was planning I might have-". 

"It's alright. I believe no one would have stopped him. I knew about his plan and practically begged him to remain silent and he ignored my wishes. Let's just hope Lady Susan is successful and my acquaintance in Antigua has received the letter and may answer soon in my favour. If you like I can take a walk with you and the children tomorrow on the beach".

"I'd like that very much!", she said with tears of guilt in her eyes. 

Sidney hugged her and kissed her on her cheek to comfort her. Afterwards he made his way to the hotel. Tomorrow he had to speak with Lady Susan first thing in the morning after breakfast. 

James was wondering if the Heywood sisters were well for he had not seen Alison since two days ago when she was shown around by Tom Parker.   
As much as he wanted to know he did not want to impose by showing up at their doorstep and making enquiries.   
Both were much on his mind. He couldn't forget Charlotte's sad and defeated look. He accepted that there was only one man who would make her eyes sparkle with life again. Someone he had thought not worthy of her love. Yet after Mrs. Parker's confession he had to admit that his loyalty and sacrifice were honourable and bespoke for a good character. Although he had hurt Charlotte in the process he respected him more now for the decision he made.   
Another pair of brown sparkling eyes was showing up quite frequently in his mind. Her enthusiasm was contagious and her growing interest in architecture was only adding to his attraction towards her. Her smile made his stomach flutter everytime.   
But he kept feeling somehow guilty towards Charlotte. Did he give her up because of the broken person she came to be? Or did he give her up because he realised that he had no chance against Sidney Parker?  
It was very confusing to him. It felt wrong and yet right to direct his attention to Alison. He didn't want to like her just because her sister wasn't available.   
He shook his head and continued to document the workers exact working hours.   
Tomorrow he would try to ask Tom Parker if he had any news on Charlotte and her sister. 

Morning broke and Sidney made his way to the cove for a morning swim. Now that he was here he realised how much he missed the sea.   
Somehow he was hoping to meet Charlotte there again although he knew it was very unlikely.   
She was consuming all his thoughts and his being. Every breath he drew was for her.   
While swimming he couldn't completely clear his head for he kept hoping and praying that Lady Susan might already have good news for him.   
He couldn't bear to be Eliza's fiance any longer. If he was free again he could court Charlotte officially. He had no doubt that there would be a lot of kissing and many, many clifftop walks.   
The anticipation made him smile to himself.   
On his way back to town he saw a female figure walking on the beach.   
Which woman would walk around alone in the early morning hours during sunrise?   
He shook his head and turned around when something caught his eye. He recognised the coat. It was the same Admiral Heywood had been wearing.   
He rushed down to the beach and stopped right in front of her. Breathless but so happy at having another chance for a tête-à-tête.   
After the first shock she looked annoyed and even rolled her eyes. 

"Mr. Parker", she acknowledged his presence and continued her walk.   
He frowned and ran after her. 

"Why am I greeted with such cold civility? Are we not lovers, Charlotte?".

"We are not! You are engaged to Mrs. Campion and I am really, really trying to make the best of it. Yet everytime you force your presence on me you are making it harder. Please Sidney, I beg you to stop hoping and most importantly stop asking hope from me. My feelings will remain unchanged forever, I am sure of it. But I will not destroy my whole life by pining over a man. Even if it is the best of all men in my eyes. It still have my family and friends who will contribute to my happiness. And you have Mary, Arthur, Diana, your nieces and nephews and someday your own children to ensure your happiness". 

"Charlotte, there will be no children with her. I see myself as a father only with one person. And that is you. I want my children to have your warm brown eyes, your locks, your heartwarming smile, your kindness and sense of reason, your determination and even your stubbornness for I love everything about you". 

He could clearly see how her walls were crumbling- it was all shown on her face.   
While he knew it was not the most gentleman like behaviour he stepped forward, embraced her and leaned down. His desire to be close to her was simply taking over.   
Charlotte seemed to give in - until she turned her face in the last moment and he came to kiss her cheek tenderly.   
As disappointed as he was he adored her even more for preserving decorum. She was not a tramp and he wouldn't want to make her one. 

"I love you and I won't give up. Never! Yet I understand your reasons and if you truly wish us to avoid each other I will try to keep my distance. I'm not sure how long I'm staying here in Sanditon anyway", he said with a soft and low voice.

"I need to get back. And I would appreciate if you do not mention to anybody that you've seen me here", her voice was softer now too. 

It was then that he realised what was going on. 

"Charlotte Heywood, are you disobeying the doctor's orders?", he asked teasingly. 

She blushed lovely and replied: "I do love to enjoy the sea on my own and I am feeling much better. Please keep it to yourself".

He smiled: "Your secret is save with me". 

She smiled back and they continued their walk back into town. 

"Was the conversation with Tom yesterday to your pleasure?".

"Unfortunately not. You know Tom. If it wasn't for you I would have told him the truth and-".

"Why for me?", she asked him frowning.

"Because if however I stay stuck to Eliza I wouldn't want him or anyone else to look at you like you are to be pitied. Like you've been tossed away for something better - when in fact you are the first and only choice if the circumstances allowed". 

"Right. That is very thoughtful of you". 

"Dear Miss Heywood, have I ever been less than thoughtful?", he asked again teasingly. 

"Oh Mr. Parker, you have no idea how many times indeed. You are lucky that I kept overlooking your faults at some point". 

"Perhaps after a certain ball? Or was it rather after a walk along the clifftop?", he felt his heart beating faster again by mentioning those significant moments in their relationship. 

And there it was. Her eyes were shining brightly as she seemed to relive those moments in her mind.   
He hadn't seen them shining so bright in a very long time. 

She blushed now and added: "I must confess that I was biased from the beginning. It was your portrait at Trafalgar House that caught my eye long before my heart tagged along". 

"It is a good thing then that I was far more attracted to the new maid than was to my liking. And Admiral Heywood enlisted me and made me believe in the pleasure of having an own family someday. Yet it was furious, brave, creative Charlotte in London that made me fall completely. And now you carry my heart everywhere with you". 

He took her hand and kissed her while she put her other hand on his cheek. They were already nearby the apartment when someone came around the corner and caught them in this quite intimate moment. 

It had happened again and his neck cracked a little when he pulled his head from the desk. He had fallen asleep in his small office again. Thankfully the candle had burned down without causing a fire. Lately this was happening frequently to him. He worked until exhaustion and then fell asleep in the tiny room. And everytime he woke up there he was reminded of his father and his fate. It still hurt a lot. Sometimes he would wake up and cry. It still disturbed him that they had parted fighting. There was no going back now.   
All he could do was to honour his father by being the best foreman and finishing what he had somehow started.   
James decided to go home and change clothes at least before heading back to work. It was a fine morning and no cloud was to be seen yet.   
He was about to cross the other side of the street when he saw them.   
Charlotte and Sidney Parker were standing in the middle of the street and were very close. He kissed her hand and she placed hers on his cheek. She was obviously happy.   
The light in her eyes brought back by Sidney.   
James felt disappointment - but not because of them loving each other, it was because he had considered Charlotte to be more careful and wouldn't meet a practically married man alone. He had thought she would distance herself instead of touching him affectionately.   
He stopped in his track and both looked up to him. Charlotte took a step back immediately to create proper space between her and Parker. 

"Mr. Stringer, I hope you are well. We haven't seen each other at all since my arrival", Charlotte greeted him.   
"That is true, Miss. I believed you to be too sick to be called upon. But I see that you are much better than previously described to me", he replied a little accusingly. 

Charlotte blushed deeply but it was Sidney Parker who explained: "Well Miss Heywood here sneaked out and I bumped into her accidentally. Now I'm just making sure that she arrives home safely". 

"That is very chivalrous of you, Sir. Right. I need to get home. Good day to both of you. And ...and convey my greetings to Miss Alison please". 

Charlotte smiled warmly and nodded in agreement.   
He did not know why he had added that last sentence but he had suddenly felt the need to let Alison know that he had thought of her. Perhaps that was invitation enough to come by and watch him working. 

As soon as Mr. Stringer was out of sight Charlotte buried her head in her hands. The only time she allowed herself to take pleasure in touching him and showing him that she still loved him was of course not unobserved. What must he think of her sharing caresses with an engaged man?! 

"Let's get you home before anyone else sees you out here", Sidney spoke low while placing his hand on her lower back. 

Her stomach was fluttering again. Why was her body betraying her whereas her head was trying to forget this perfect man next to her.   
She sighed and nodded before continuing their walk.   
When they arrived at the door of the apartment the door opened suddenly. 

"Charlotte Heywood, how dare you?!", Lady Susan and Alison screamed in unison.   
Oh dear!


	30. Chapter 30

She was ushered into the apartment by the two ladies and Sidney followed. 

"Do you have any idea what pandemonium you caused?", Lady Susan was very furious. 

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to-", she started to say. 

"I am responsible for your safety! I promised your parents to take care of you and you just run off!", Lady Susan interrupted her. 

"Forgive me! Indeed I did not mean to alarm anybody. I was just yearning to be alone and enjoy the sea".

"Alone? I can see that", Lady Susan replied with a softer voice but an eyebrow raised.   
Her gaze was directed to Sidney who was standing behind her. 

Charlotte felt flushed and hurried to explain: "I can assure you I met Mr. Parker accidentally". 

"Whatever you say, my dear. Yet I know that people in love tend to do the maddest things. It's an affliction like I told you before".

"You have to believe me! I would never sneak out to meet a man alone!".

"It is true. We met by chance. That is all", Sidney added.

Lady Susan sighed and made her way to the drawing room. 

"I'm glad you are well Charlotte. But please promise to inform me next time before you leave this apartment".

"Of course! I'm sorry you noticed at all. I had hoped to be back before you awake", Charlotte said bashfully. 

"The seagulls wake us. This morning they had been particularly loud and when I went to see if you are alright I found your bed empty and alarmed Lady Susan. After yesterday evening we have been very worried about you. I read about the pain of broken hearts and that sometimes people hurt themselves or worse to numb the pain", Alison spoke for the first time. 

"Excuse me? Did you believe me to kill myself because I cannot have Sidney?! I have to disappoint you. Yes it's hurts ...a lot. Yet there are many other people in my life I need to take care of and look after. Even a broken heart keeps on beating. Not as fierce as once but still it does", Charlitte justified. 

Lady Susan smiled warmly at her and said relieved: "As I said love makes people do the maddest things and you wouldn't be the first. I am glad that you have not lost your rationality. Well, after all this excitement I suppose we are ready for breakfast. Why don't you keep us company, Mr. Parker? I need to speak with you afterwards anyway".

"It would be my pleasure". 

Alison was still trembling a little when they sat down for breakfast. The fear of losing Charlotte had been overwhelming. She was very relieved that she was sitting next to her now and although she tried to calm herself the trembling wouldn't stop. 

"Miss Alison? Are you alright?", Sidney asked when she had almost let her toast fall. 

She looked up and saw his worried face. How attentive he was for none of the ladies had noticed until now that he mentioned it. She already loved him like a brother. 

"Oh my, Alison! You are shaking!", Charlotte exclaimed now and took her hand. 

"I'm sorry, it was a very frightening morning. I just cannot make it stop although it is over now and Charlotte is safe".

"Miss Alison, your sister is the bravest person I know. I'm glad that I gave my heart to someone who handles this whole situation far better than I do. I can assure you I would be the one to act impulsively and hurt myself if I cannot be her husband someday. But Charlotte is reasonable and always aware of her social duties. She wouldn't be that dim-witted and selfish", Sidney stated reassuringly. 

Alison nodded and smiled.   
She was indeed calming down when Lady Susan said dryly: "That's great news. So if we fail and you are forced to marry Mrs. Campion we have to worry about YOU". 

Sidney looked away and said: "Of course not. I'll try to be at my best behaviour...for Charlotte". 

Alison could see how much love her sister was carrying in her heart for this man when she turned to her and found her staring at him admiringly.   
No one continued to converse and they spend the rest of breakfast in silence.   
When Lady Susan excused herself and took Sidney with her, Charlotte and Alison were left alone to attend her morning session.   
Before getting into the carriage Alison hugged her sister very tightly and shed a few tears of relief. 

Charlotte whispered near her ear: "I am truly sorry. If I feel the need of being alone again I will left a note with directions where to find me. Because I cannot promise I won't do it again. Sometimes the wish for solitude just overcomes me and I have to go". 

"As long as you come back home everytime I'm fine with that". 

Charlotte kissed her on her cheek and they took seats in the carriage and headed off to the beach. 

"That woman might have sensed what we are planning", Lady Susan said frowning. 

"Perhaps not. It was my brother who instilled the idea in her". 

"Then it is safe to say that your brother is indeed a moron. How can he still be in ignorance of your feelings for each other? Nobody who is able to see can overlook it. And even someone blind can sense the tension between the two of you. Well, that puts us to a tight schedule. We have only twelve weeks left until your wedding. Unfortunately I have received only one answer, it was from Lord Grasmere who had been at the regatta last year. He wishes to contribute with 5000 £ as an investment. Which leaves us to find at least 75.000 £. And the other matter ...well I might have a lead. You see, Mrs. Campion's solicitor has vanished after taking care of her case. I have a feeling that there is more to it and I'm determined to find him". 

"Lady Susan I must speak in honesty: it is not what I had hoped to hear but it is at least something. My acquaintance from Antigua hasn't contacted me yet. I really hope he has good news for me".

"Yet we cannot put all our hopes in him. There are enough wealthy men in England. We just need to get them here. Preferably before the regatta to make them visit Sanditon more than once this year. It has to be a big social event. Something nobody can resist. Something-", she suddenly fell silent and smiled to herself. 

Then she stood up and started pacing the room. 

"What is it? Is everything alright?", Sidney asked slightly confused. 

"Yes, absolutely. I am just calculating my chances at succeeding. I need to have a word with your brother to make some arrangements. And then I need your help. You'll have to spread some rumours in London to make it more appealing to the ton". 

"What kind of idea do you have in mind?".

"One that will hopefully help us ...and I suppose one that will vex Mrs. Campion a little. I do love to tease her", she replied chuckling. 

On their way back from the session Charlotte asked the driver to make a little detour to the construction site. She wanted to give Alison something nice to think about instead of worrying about her. So why not give her golden curls and a cute smile?

"Charlotte, I'm not sure Lady Susan would approve of it. She wants you safe at home".

"Oh trust me, she does approve in this case!", Charlotte replied smiling cheekily for she knew that Lady Susan approved of Mr. Stringer and Alison as possible lovers.

Mr. Stringer was on the other side of the site and they walked the short distance arm in arm. Mr. Robinson saw them first and nudged Mr. Stringer to look up from the plans he was studying.   
He looked surprised but then smiled brightly. His ears taking a slightly red tone while he was blushing. 

"Good day, Miss Charlotte and Alison Heywood. I wasn't aware that you are visiting the site today", he greeted them politely. 

"We were passing nearby and I was too curious about the changes which were made in my absence", Charlotte professed. 

"Would you like a tour?", Mr. Stringer asked. 

"Very much so, but I suppose Mr. Parker would be disappointed if it wasn't him to show me around. I'll go and find him while you two can catch up". 

And so Charlotte left Alison and Mr. Stringer alone. It didn't take much time to find Tom Parker who was indeed most delighted to show her everything. 

"I hope my presence is no imposition. Surely you have work to attend to. I can stay here and wait for Charlotte's return", Alison said shyly. 

"Or I could show you the plans and each stage we undergo from sketch to finished building?", he offered equally shy. 

She looked at him, her eyes big and shining in excitement: "I'd love to. Thank you so much, Mr. Stringer". 

He guided her to an office like shelter with a table, candles and oil lamps. 

"This is were we plan and sketch. Look at this", he showed her a sketch which looked like it was used many times.   
"This was Mr. Parker's initial idea, you see the light pencil lines here? And this is what we made of it", he pointed to the thicker lines.   
"We had to install two pillars here for-".

"For stability!", Alison interrupted him. 

He looked up to her and gave her a fascinated gaze. 

"Yes exactly, Miss. And what is your opinion on this sketch? How to improve it?", he showed her another one. 

Alison needed to ignore her fast beating heart to concentrate. She was well aware how close he was standing to her. She could smell his soap and she could see every light brown sprinkle in his green eyes. 

Charlotte was happy to see that the sacrifice Sidney and she had made was at least worth it. There was still a lot of work to do yet it was a step forward. She was strolling around to give Alison and Mr. Stringer more time together when someone squealed her name and she was hugged forcefully. 

"Charlotte! I missed you and your family so so much! You have no idea how dull my life is since I returned from Willingden", Georgiana stated. 

"I missed you too and Jonathan and Kate draw another picture for you. I'll bring it with me later when we call on you". 

"Oh how I hate to part from you now. I can't wait to be reunited with Alison and you again!".

"Perhaps you could join us to my second session which will be in approximately three hours and afterwards we can have tea at Mrs. Griffiths", Charlotte proposed. 

"I'd have to ask her but surely she can't have any objection against a stroll down the beach", Georgiana said excited. 

"So, the rumours are true! You are back", a well know voice said friendly. 

"Babington!", Sidney stood up and both men hugged. 

"I'm a little disappointed in you, Sidney. No word from you in weeks. If I hadn't met your brother I wouldn't even know that Miss Heywood is recovering. What is going on?". 

"I beg your pardon. I was caught up in London and my departure from Willingden wasn't as pleasant as I had hoped".

"What happened? Did the Heywoods not approve of your visit?".

Sidney smiled at the memory of them: "On the contrary. I was welcomed warmly by everyone and they took good care of Georgiana. But my fiancée made a rather dramatic appearance and I was forced to leave earlier than I had wished to". Sidney recalled that his friend knew nothing of his troubles and hurried to say: "Never mind! How are you? And how is Lady Babington?".

"I'll answer your questions but do not think I will not come back to you. I'm fine and Lady Babington is as well as the circumstances allow".

"Circumstances?".

"Yes, well if you had attended the luncheon you would have heard Lady Denham's announcement of Lady Babington being with child", Babington said smiling brightly. 

"You mean ...you are to be a father? Congratulations, dear friend!", Sidney hugged him again. 

"Thank you! And now to you. Why didn't you tell me of your brother's failings? I had to learn about it from Lady Denham when she told Lady Worcester. Is that why you are marrying Mrs. Campion? Because when I saw your face in January I could see the despair of a lover". 

Sidney didn't want to lie to his friend and decided to open up completely. When he finished Babington asked for a drink. 

"But why would you not come to me? I have the means to help you", Babington offered.

"No! You have a wife and soon a child to think of. I will not let you be drawn into this mess". 

"Who else than me? Your brother owes my wife's aunt. Am I not the perfect one to take care of it? Is it not my duty as family?". 

"Please Babington, I won't have it! I'm already scheming with Lady Susan. Hopefully we will be successful and I can escape an unwanted liaison". 

"Then let me be your backup at least if you two fail. I insist on it!", Babington said with emphasis. 

Sidney sighed and ran his hand through his hair.   
"I pray that it won't be necessary!". 

"Are you back? What took you so long? Did you have to grind the flour for the pastry yourself?", Esther asked annoyed. 

The pregnancy made his wife more overbearing and he simply loved it. 

"Excuse me but I bumped into Sidney and I-".

"I do not care. Just come over, give me a kiss and the pastry!", his wife interrupted him. 

She had developed quite a sweet tooth and was yearning for all kind of pastries and candy. And although it was the servants job to get her whatever she liked, Esther had insisted on him going into town and bringing whatever she wished for. Her explanation was simple: "It is your fault I'm with child so you are the one to care of us".   
After she had finished her pastry she looked very content and rubbed her belly.   
He was deep in thoughts and tried to make out a way to help Sidney without letting him know that he had stepped in. Surely Lady Worcester would know what to do. He would ask her to come and visit them. And he needed Crowe's support too. He was quite wealthy but wasting it all on alcohol, women and gambling. Putting his money to good cause could help him to grow finally up.   
He felt his wives lips on his cheek and smiled.

"I'm sorry for being so moody. Tell me about Sidney and whatever it is that is troubling you", she said softly while taking seat on his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merci for reading my story and your support ❤


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very sorry for the delay! Since Sunday on night shifts and just finished this morning. Now I'm donating blood and trying to reread the chapter to correct mistakes.   
> If there are more than usual I'm sorry but my concentration might not be the best currently 🙈
> 
> Thank you for your patience with me!!! ❤

"Dear Babbers,   
there is no way I'm coming down to that place again soon. I have found me a kitten who keeps me company at night and she refuses to accompany me. I do not trust her entirely which is why I cannot leave her here alone.   
However if you need money to keep Parker sane consider me in. Tell me the sum and I'll send it your way.   
And congratulations on expanding your cage by having a child!  
Yours   
F. Crowe" 

Lord Babington chuckled upon reading the letter. Crowe and his women were a never ending story. At least he agreed on helping financially.   
Two weeks had past now since Lady Susan's visit. She did agree on having him as a backup but refused to let him help now with a bigger sum as she knew that Sidney would dislike it.   
Her idea of drawing people to Sanditon was quite good and he hoped that it would work. She had also promised him that she was working on getting Mrs. Campion out of the way to free Sidney.   
He wondered how she would manage that. While his time in London last year he had heard Mrs. Campion boast about how much she and Sidney were in love. At that time he believed her for he hadn't seen Sidney much and so he did not know about his dilemma.   
He sighed and put the letter away. 

"What is it? Is something wrong?", Esther asked worried. 

She was sitting nearby the window and was reading letters herself. 

"I was just thinking of Sidney".

"My dear, I might get jealous given the amount of time you think of your friend", Esther teased him. 

He laughed and shook his head: "I can't help it. He's my best friend. And I know nobody else who deserves more to be happy than Sidney". 

"Look, it was his decision to help his foolish brother. Yes, it is very unfortunate that in the process of helping he is sacrificing a possible future with Charlotte Heywood - and yet he knew of the consequences when he offered help. Now he has to live with it". 

"You are far too pragmatic, my love". 

"And you are far too romantic, Lord Babington. Of course I don't wish for Mary Parker and her children to end up in the poor house but I would love to see that fool in debtor's prison. It would serve him well and perhaps he would finally realise what he has done. My aunt is still very angry with him", she sighed and continued: "However Charlotte was a very good friend to me when many others turned their back on me. I will do whatever it takes to see her happy again. Lady Worcester already asked a favour of me and I'm wondering how it will work out". 

Babington looked at her in admiration and said softly: "Have I ever told you how much I love this softer side of you?!".

"Oh don't get used to it, once this child is out of my body I'll be back to my unlovable self".

"Don't say that! You deserve all the love in the world and more", he said while crossing the room. 

He leaned down to where she was sitting and kissed her tenderly. 

She smiled afterwards and stated: "Far too romantic". 

Sidney had just made some arrangements Lady Susan had asked of him and was now heading home. Unfortunately he had only been a week in Sanditon when his business called him away back to London. But during that week he had seen Charlotte everyday. So much for avoiding each other.   
The children had claimed Charlotte and him for them and asked them everyday to play with them.   
On one day they went to the beach for a short walk to exhaust the children further and make them sleep well later.   
Alicia and Jenny were holding hands with Charlotte and asked her all sorts of things. 

"Will you be married someday, Charlotte?", Alicia asked suddenly. 

Charlotte stopped in her track and tried to avoid looking into Sidney's direction. 

"I don't know", she replied after clearing her throat.

"We want you to marry uncle Sidney! Then you can play with us forever!", Jenny said now. 

Sidney noticed how flushed Charlotte was and meant to say something when Charlotte explained: "That is not possible. Your uncle is already marrying someone else". 

"But we don't like her!", Henry said angrily and Sidney looked down at him. He never felt closer to his nephew for he shared the same sentiment. 

"You shouldn't say that, Henry! It is very impolite", Charlotte chided him softly. 

"But it us true. Nobody likes her!", Jenny exclaimed and stamped with her feet. 

"Your uncle likes her and you should respect her and learn to like her. Perhaps you can draw a nice picture for her. Or we can try and make her a necklace with small sea shells. Go ahead and collect the smallest ones you can find", Charlotte tried to mediate.

The children ran off and Charlotte sighed in relief. 

"They don't need to get used to her. I'm determined not to marry her", Sidney said in a low voice to Charlotte. 

She turned around to him and gave him an austere look. 

"And yet you shouldn't encourage your nieces and nephews to be disrespectful. After all you might be forced to marry her anyway and then it would be better if the children see her with different eyes". 

"You are right but you don't need to make presents for her with them. Does it not feel like torture?". 

"On the contrary. It helps me realising and letting you go". 

Sidney stopped in his track abruptly and took her hand firmly. 

"I don't want you to let me go. You are killing me. I would ask you to wait for me yet I fear I have no right to do so", he said his voice filled with emotion. 

"I am just trying to protect myself. It doesn't mean my feelings are changed", Charlotte tried to comfort him and extricated her hand from his to continue walking. 

The next day both met again at Trafalgar House and the children insisted on playing "princess and pirate". Everything was fun until the children ordered the pirate to marry the princess. Charlotte blushed and tried to convince the children to play something else but they insisted stubbornly on it. And so Sidney was waiting at the altar for Charlotte. He felt the irony of the moment. How much he wished it was true. He felt quite emotional and was in danger of crying. He swallowed more than once to suppress the tears. Charlotte was only a few steps away from him when Mary came in and called for lunch. Charlotte sighed in relief and followed Mary and the children out of the nursery.   
Sidney was left alone and couldn't help letting his tears fall.  
Now he was standing in front of Bedford Place and was counting the days until he would see Charlotte again. Four weeks never sounded so long to him.   
He entered the house and after putting his hat and came away he heard some noise in the drawing room. 

"Oh brother! How wonderful to see you again!", he was greeted by Arthur. 

"You are back! So, was the glandular stimulation worth the trip?", Sidney asked while hugging his brother and afterwards Diana. 

"Sidney, you have no idea how many people there are with the same ailments as ours. It was so comforting to meet them and the treatment was very invigorating. I have spent a whole week without headaches. They might be gone forever!", Diana reported enthusiastically. 

Sidney smiled: "That is indeed fantastic news!". 

"But pray, do tell us how Miss Heywood is doing", she asked of him.

"She is recovering very well".

"Arthur and I kept praying for her every day. Oh how I do hate chest infections and coughing. I might ask Dr. Selfridge for a tincture to cure her faster". 

"I don't believe that is necessary. Dr. Fuchs seems to have all in hand". 

"You seem to have lost weight. Are you alright?", Arthur observed.

"Yes, yes I am. There is just a lot that needs to be handled at the moment". 

"Ah the wedding! How are the preparations? I wrote to Eliza but she didn't reply yet. I hope she's fine", Diana said. 

"I'm not involved in preparing the wedding and I'm not eager to be", Sidney replied a little harsher than he meant to be. "Excuse me, I need to write a letter to Lady Worcester", he added and made his escape. 

He disliked being dishonest especially with his family. Yet there was no way to tell them about Charlotte for it might embarrass her.   
He wrote his letter reassuring Lady Susan that he did as she had asked of him.   
Now only time would tell if everything worked out as she had planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it is a small chapter. The next one will be longer and (if all goes well) will be up tomorrow.


	32. Chapter 32

Apart from dealing with his heartache Sidney was also trying to juggle his businesses and Tom's rebuilding in Sanditon. As Eliza refused to give them any more money until April he had to step in and lend Tom 5000 £ to finish the apartments until spring.   
Before he left Sanditon he asked Mr. Stringer to have a close eye on the finances and to report every anomaly.   
He really hoped it was worth it and that the money he gave wouldn't be missed in his other businesses. For one business it would be extremely fatal if he wasn't able to invest there frequently. 

"Mr. Parker please turn around", the tailor instructed him. 

Yes, and he had also these expenses. After the fire his tailcoat was irreparably damaged so he had to replace it. This time he ordered a black one again and a dark navy one. He also needed a new white shirt but thankfully no new waistcoat for he had enough of those in various colours.   
Recalling the fire in his mind made him think of Tom again. He chuckled to himself and the tailor looked up frowning.   
Tom had almost fainted when Lady Susan had approached him and asked for permission to hold a ball in honour of a special friend. Since that day he hadn't stopped talking of the Prince Regent and all the people he would attract to Sanditon.   
Thank God he was currently in London and didn't have to listen to Tom's endless jabbering.   
On the other hand he now had Eliza again to deal with. Everyday she would call on him or ask him to call on her and would tell him of all the progress that was made with the wedding preparations. She honestly seemed to be in anticipation for that day to come.   
Sometimes he even felt bad for the plans he had. It was not like he would break her heart for he could feel that she wasn't as much in love with him as the last time. Yet her pride will be wounded and he kept wondering how Lady Susan would manage to make Eliza end things. Especially after seeing her that invested in the wedding.   
After his appointment with the tailor he went to visit Crowe in the hope of escaping Eliza.   
Unfortunately Crowe wasn't at home. Sidney decided to take a walk along the Thames river. He wondered that he still had no word from Mr. Colson from Antigua. His letter was sent weeks ago, surely it must have arrived by now. Was the silence of his friend due to having no means to help him? If that was the case he had only Lady Susan to help ...and Babington who offered his help so generously. But he would be damned if he truly let him handle Tom's debts. Surely he was wealthy enough to do so yet Sidney refused to get him involved.   
In fact Sidney had recently realised that it was partly his fault. If he had been more around and keeping an eye on Tom he would have known of the lack of insurance earlier and would have prevented Tom from expanding any further.   
But he wasn't. Instead he was on his selfish trip trying to forget the vision of a woman who he believed to be in love with. And now he was stuck in this mess and risking to lose the woman he really loved. A deep sigh escaped him and he felt his eyes burning.   
Hope was all that kept him going at the moment and he wouldn't lose it until he was forced in front of the altar with Eliza next to him. Only three weeks kept him away from seeing Charlotte again. 

"We cannot accept this. It's too much and far too glamorous!", Alison exclaimed while looking into the mirror. 

She was dressed in a pastel green gown of taffeta with pink roses embroidered. She looked absolutely stunning but refused just as Charlotte to accept this gift from her. 

"My dear girls, stop fussing. These are just gowns. I haven't endowed you a castle. Please do me the favour of accepting them and enjoy yourselves while wearing them", Susan said resolute. 

Charlotte and Alison looked at each other tortured and Susan couldn't help but roll her eyes.   
Never had she met anyone as humble and selfless as these two. 

Finally both nodded and Charlotte asked hesitantly: "Lady Susan? There are rumours in town. Surely you must have heard them too".

"Have I? Well I can't say that I have. People here in town are very respectful but also shy. They never gossip in front of me".

"They say that ...that the Prince Regent will be attending the ball because your holding it for a guest of honour", Alison commented. 

Lady Susan laughed and shook her head. "If that is what they say it must be true then". 

"Is it? Is that the reason why you are giving us this extravagant dresses?", Charlotte asked with wide eyes. 

"Even if there was no guest of honour I would have let these made for you. I want you to outshine every woman and I'm sure you will". 

"But why?", Alison asked confused now. 

"Because you deserve to be admired and for once in your life be the center of attention. Back home you two are too self-sacrificing. I know you love your family and you're happy to help wherever you can but there is nothing wrong with enjoying yourselves every now and then. So, I won't listen to your protest any longer. We will attend the ball and have very much fun. And we will convince our guests to come back to Sanditon and invest in it. Would you like to join me and see how the preparations are doing?".

Both girls consented and so they made their way to the assembly hall. As it was also the beginning of spring they were celebrating Susan went with floral decoration in a very light pink and light green. The ceiling was already draped with fabric in those colours and the trees which would later be equipped with the several flowers she had ordered had arrived just this day. Two weeks were left to get everything done and the crew she had hired were very motivated.   
Lady Susan asked Charlotte and Alison how they liked it and if they had any ideas on how to improve.   
They started discussing and went home later with having made great progress in planning. 

The next few days Charlotte had only two sessions everyday and was allowed to go alone but take the carriage. After her sessions she would visit Mary and the children or Georgiana or Esther.   
She was very surprised when Lord and Lady Babington had invited them and Lady Susan several weeks ago. She had believed them to be in London but it turned out that Lady Denham had asked Esther to stay a little longer in Sanditon. And now with the ball being only a week away they had no reason to go back to London soon. 

"Miss Heywood, how nice to see you again", Lord Babington greeted her warmly and kissed her hand. 

"Thank you, Lord Babington. Is your wife at home?".

"She is. But I fear she's not feeling well enough to leave bed".

"Oh, how unfortunate. Please tell her I was here and I wish her a speedy recovery". 

"Why don't you stay and I ask her if she'd like to see you anyway? She would never admit it but she really enjoys your visits. Since the incident with ...her step brother she had been isolated, not knowing who to trust. I'll be right back", he said and headed up the stairs. 

Charlotte felt flattered that Esther was enjoying her company. She never showed indeed but Charlotte could feel that their affection for each other was real.   
Now that Charlotte was more around her she came to like her deadpan humour very much.   
The first few visits they avoided speaking of her aunt or the Parkers. Later they talked about it and agreed that Mary deserved better. However they also spoke about her baby and sometimes Esther would open up and talk about her fear of being a bad mother.   
Charlotte had tried to comfort her and had told her: "Just by fearing it you are already a good mother. Motherhood is an instinct. You will be fine and you have a wonderful husband to support you". 

"Oh no! Babington will spoil the child and make a romantic of it. I cannot let that happen. Just imagine my child being nice and likeable!".

Charlotte had laughed and replied: "Well if it has Lord Babington's character and your looks I suppose it is the perfect mixture of you two. A proof of your love for each other". 

"Oh dear, I'm not sure I want people to believe I'm in love with my husband. It's not fashionable, you see", Esther had said winking. 

Lord Babington came back now and explained that Esther had fallen asleep.  
"That's alright. She needs to rest. A pregnancy can be quite exhausting. If she needs anything send for me. Good day", Charlotte said before she left. 

"I am very excited. I have never been to a ball that grand. Are you excited too?", Alison asked Mr. Stringer.   
She had been stopping by everyday to witness the progress made on the site. It was like a miracle what the men had managed to do in only a few weeks time. Now they were already furnishing the apartments for the coming visitors.

He looked away: "I won't be attending".

"Surely you must have received an invitation from Lady Susan?", she asked confused. 

"Yes, I did. But I suppose I'm done with balls. Last time I attended one I lost my father". 

Alison needed a moment to gather herself and said: "I am very sorry, I shouldn't have talked about the ball at all. I did not mean to cause you any pain".

"It's alright. I understand your excitement. I myself was also very excited and afraid that no lady would accept to dance with me", he said smiling a little. 

"And I'm afraid that no one will ask me. I am nobody compared to all the grand ladies that will be present". 

"Don't say that. You are ...", he began to say and stopped. 

"Yes?", Alison whispered. 

He sighed and finally said: "I am sure there will be plenty of men willing to dance with you". 

"Oh. Perhaps", she replied disappointed and decided to leave. "I better go home now. It is indeed a pity that I won't have the pleasure of dancing with you. Goodbye".

She hurried away and kept wondering why she had said that to him. Now he will think badly of her. Yet it was the truth. Soon she would be leaving and she had already imagined herself wearing that beautiful dress and dancing with him.   
It seemed her imagination would never come true. It puzzled her that sometimes he was so tender that she believed him to return her feelings and then he was distanced and they made several steps back in their relationship.   
However she was determined to make the most of the evening and enjoy everything there was to enjoy. 

"What is it, my dear? Something is obviously on your mind", she was greeted by Lady Susan who watched her closely. 

"It's ...no matter. It's nothing". 

"My dear, I know how nothing looks like and this certainly isn't. Tell me".

"It's Mr. Stringer. He said he won't be attending the ball and I ...I had hoped to dance with him", Alison confessed blushing. 

"Ah, don't trouble yourself any further. I am sure he will be there. He'll change his mind trust me". 

Alison simply nodded and headed to her room. She wasn't completely convinced yet hoped that Lady Susan was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ❤❤❤


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support and your lovely comments. They are very much appreciated. ❤❤❤

James missed Alison's daily visits on the site. Since the day they had talked about the ball she had not shown. Did she really wish to dance with him? Did it mean that she was also interested in him and not only his work?  
He did not dare to believe he had won her affection. Once he believed the same with Charlotte and it proved to be wrong. Why would her sister like him? He had nothing to offer. Surely some rich gentleman would snatch her away soon.  
Just the thought of it made him furious. Imagining her being tied to someone who would limit her talent to drawing family members and landscapes.  
It wasn't only her talent that attracted him. She was kind and gentle and loved taking care of others. The way she cared for Charlotte although she was the younger one was very admirable. And of course she was beautiful.  
He ran his hands through his hair.  
Should he at least try to win her? Perhaps the ball would indeed help him see if it was worth a try. He just wanted her to be happy and to have the opportunity to unfold her talent. And if she decided someone else was suiting her better he would accept that and move on. Just as he had done with Charlotte. 

"Another one, please!", Alicia cheered when Charlotte was about to stand up. 

"Are you not bored by now? I have told you three stories", Charlotte replied smiling.

"Your stories are better than the ones from the books", Henry said and moved closer to Charlotte. 

She put her arm around him and then started: "Once upon a time there was a little owl in the forest ...". 

The children listened attentively although Baby James fell asleep on her lap while she continued the story. She loved making them up and seeing that the children liked her stories that much touched her deeply.  
This time she made the story about accepting people of all sizes for it was their character that was more important. And she taught them that despite its small size the owl was very clever and managed to win against the fox which was much bigger than the owl.  
After she finished the children asked for a fifth story but Charlotte had promised Lady Susan to meet her at the assembly hall and check on the last preparations. 

"Thank you so much for still making time to see them", Mary said while escorting Charlotte to the door. 

"Of course, I missed them very much and I enjoy spending time with them", Charlotte stated and hugged Mary. 

"You are truly an angel and you deserve only the best, my dear!". 

Charlotte blushed a little: "Thank you, Mary. I'll see you at the ball then".

"Yes. Goodbye, my dear".

On her way to the hall she passed the finished apartments and stopped curiously. Perhaps she could catch a glimpse of the furniture. She stepped into the house and went right through the first door she found open. It was a smaller apartment than the one Lady Susan had rented. Yet the furnishing was equally tasteful and very elegant. 

"Miss Heywood!", Mr. Stringer exclaimed when he almost bumped into her. 

"Mr. Stringer, I'm sorry to intrude. Alison told me how beautiful everything is looking by now and I was curious to see it myself". 

"Well, how do you like it?".

"It is beautiful and very elegant". 

"That is thanks to Mrs. Parker. She kept her husband in check so he wouldn't go overboard with the furnishing", he paused and then continued a little worried and shy: "May I ask, is your sister well? I haven't seen her in days and ...and she usually would stop by everyday". 

Charlotte smiled warmly: "Yes, she is well. I fear she was busy with the latest ball preparations". 

"I am relieved then. I believed her to have lost interest in architecture and our work here". 

"Certainly not. But the ball got us all a little carried away. Although I heard that you won't be attending. I really hope that all this fuss isn't causing you too much pain".

Charlotte had not forgotten how broken he had been after the fire. 

Mr. Stringer frowned and commented: "Of course some memories are more present at this time yet I have changed my mind and I will be attending. After all it is a great honour to be invited. And if the Prince Regent indeed makes an appearance it is even a bigger honour". 

"Oh wonderful! Alison will be delighted to hear the news", Charlotte said before she could stop herself.  
She saw Mr. Stringer blushing and decided to leave.  
"Well, I have to meet Lady Susan to look over the decorations one last time. I'll see you the day after tomorrow then. Good day!".

When she stepped into the assembly hall she seeked out Alison. 

"I have wonderful news! Mr. Stringer will be attending the ball. He just told me". 

Alison looked at her in disbelief. "Are you sure?".

"I'm absolutely positive". 

"See, I told you, my dear. Now, come and tell me which arrangement you like better", Lady Susan chipped in.

It was another dinner amongst 'friends' and Sidney had to work hard to pretend that he was interested in the conversation and the people. He disliked them for they were very superficial and prejudiced. 

"And you are sure that she did not mention a name?".

"Absolutely", Sidney replied slightly annoyed for he had heard that question more than once.

"Why, it must be the Prince Regent. Who else would be a better fit for 'a guest of honour'?". 

"I do pity Mrs. Kingshaw. She has not received an invitation and will be missing all of it. I wonder why it is so exclusive", Eliza commented. 

"Surely the Prince Regent will just be receiving the most influential and wealthy people of London. Why would he waste his time with anything less?!", Lady Salisbury said condescending. 

Sidney had developed a special dislike for her. She was extremely arrogant and pushed Eliza to be the same because Eliza admired her. He knew that he would soon lose his temper and excused himself to get some fresh air.  
Once outside he embraced the cool breeze and he inhaled deeply in and out. The day after tomorrow he would see her again. She was all that was occupying his mind. He hoped that she had made further progress in her recovery and that she would enjoy the ball. The last ball didn't go as planned for both of them. If he had finished his proposal he would be with her now. Holding her in his arms and enjoying her company. He would listen to her closely for he loved her witt and he would laugh with her.  
And he would show her how much he loved and cherished her with all his being.  
He closed his eyes and imagined having her here with him. He could almost smell her sweet scent mixed with the salty sea air. Could recall how her hand felt in his. How her lips- 

"Sidney! Do come in. It is cold and we can't have you fall sick. I won't let anything come between me and the ball!", his 'beloved' fiancée interrupted his thoughts. 

He sighed and put on a fake smile which almost hurt.  
"Of course, Eliza". 

Later when they were in the carriage and back on their way home Eliza needed to keep on gossiping and he just stopped listening to her. He wanted nothing more than to dwell on his fantasy from earlier. But no chance. She drew his attention back to her while patting his hand. 

"Did you listen at all? I asked you why Lady Susan would have a ball that exclusive held in Sanditon? What is she doing there anyway? Why would someone stay there by choice?". 

"I already told you that I have no unrestricted access to her thoughts and actions. You might have to wait and see", Sidney explained to her.

"I wish we wouldn't leave so early tomorrow. I'd rather spent as less time as possible in that sandpit". 

Sidney formed fists and offered: "You are welcome to join me later. I have to take care of some business before the ball". 

"You and your businesses. It's all you talk about. What are they anyway?". 

"I am tired and I would prefer speaking of it another time", he tried to tergiversate. 

"And why do we have to travel with your silly siblings? I can't stand their complaints". 

"Eliza, this is my family you are talking about!". 

"Oh don't pretend to care for them! How long have you avoided them yourself? You have been gone for years". 

Sidney couldn't believe that she would say that. 

"I did not avoid them. I had to leave to deal with ...with your betrayal!".

"It was hardly a betrayal, was it? We were only engaged for two weeks. And I told you that I had many more suitors". 

"That you did! But you never mentioned that you were ACTUALLY considering marrying someone else than me!". 

Eliza put her hand on his chest and he was too shocked to move away. 

"Sidney, I am here now to mend that broken heart of yours. I am sorry that I caused you pain back then. But I was very young and I thought you wouldn't mind much. After all you were young too and you had your doubts yourself. If you would be enough for me, being only the second son with a very small fortune", she said with a much softer voice than usual. 

Sidney shook her hand off his chest and moved away now. "Never mind. I just wish you to stop talking ill of my family". 

Eliza rolled her eyes and said with her cold voice again: "Fine. Whatever". 

The journey to Sanditon the next day was uneventful. Arthur fell asleep after a mile leaving Diana trying to converse with Eliza but she was far more distanced than usual and so Diana gave up after another mile. Sidney had escaped all of it by riding horseback next to the carriage. He observed his sister and found that while she was in thoughts she would smile every now and then to herself and that she had quite flushed cheeks. She seemed like someone in love! Had she met someone while the glandular treatment? Surely he needed to take more interest in the lives of his siblings. Perhaps he would have an opportunity to talk to her later.  
When they finally arrived. Eliza asked to be dropped off in front of the hotel for she wished to freshen up and rest.  
Sidney didn't object and so it was only the Parkers that entered Trafalgar House by afternoon.  
It was a happy and cheerful reunion and Sidney didn't leave the children at all. He played with them, cuddled them and laughed a great deal with them.  
He loved how they made him forget everything and how light he felt in their company. 

It was the day of the ball and the excitement was almost tangible everywhere in town. Most visitors had arrived yesterday and filled the town's streets. Lady Susan had to stop by the assembly hall to take a last look again and make sure everything was perfect.  
Charlotte and Alison slept in for they had been too excited the night before to fall asleep quickly.  
After Lady Susan's return they had breakfast and then the preparations started.  
Lady Susan's lady's maid Juliette was to take care of all three of them. She made all of them take a bath and washed their hair.  
It was afternoon when she finally finished the last touches and when Charlotte looked into the mirror she was wondering if Sidney would like her appearance. Wait! Why was she thinking that? It shouldn't matter to her what his thoughts were. She liked how she looked and hoped it was appropriate enough to meet royalty. That should be all that matters. When she left her room and stepped into the drawing room Lady Susan and Alison gasped. 

"Oh Charlotte! You look stunning", Alison exclaimed and kissed her sister affectionately on her cheek. 

"And so do you! Absolutely breathtaking!". 

"You both do. I must say we did a great job in choosing this colour and fabric for you", Lady Susan said proud.  
Charlotte looked down at her dress in dusky pink with golden ornaments embroidered. The shining taffeta reflected the light beautifully. 

"So, my footman told me that everybody has arrived now and that we can leave now. When we enter the hall I wish you to be next to me while we are announced. Afterwards you are free to mingle", Lady Susan instructed them.

It was a short ride to the hall and Alison and Charlotte grew nervous by the minute.  
Nobody in Willingden would believe them if they told them that they had met the Prince Regent.  
Alison turned to Charlotte and wanted to ask her how the Prince Regent was to be addressed but they arrived just at that moment and she was silenced by her nervousness.  
Lady Susan was greeted politely by the servants and they took their cloaks.  
Lady Susan took Alison's and Charlotte's hand with a warm smile and they entered the hall. 

"Lady Susan Worcester, your host. Miss Charlotte Heywood, the guest of honour of this ball - and her sister Miss Alison Heywood", they were announced.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loved reading your comments 😍  
> Thank you so so so much ❤❤❤

Charlotte looked up in confusion and leaned to Lady Susan.

"Lady Susan, what is this about?", she whispered her eyes wide. 

Lady Susan only smiled brighter and squeezed her hand a little.  
Then Charlotte heard applause - hesitant first and then getting louder.  
She felt flushed and did not know what to think. All this fuss because of her. But why?!  
After the applause came to an end Lady Susan raised her voice and spoke to the whole room.

"Welcome my dear guests and thank you for accepting my invitation. I know that a lot of you were hoping my guest of honour would be some royalty. Yet I chose today to celebrate someone else. The bravest young woman I have ever met. A few months ago she rescued a boy from drowning. She saved his life and risked hers. Afterwards she was gravely ill and we feared for her life. Thankfully she is recovering now and the little boy is fine as well", she paused and let the crowd applause again. 

"Now let me ask you, who of you would have done the same? Who of you would have jumped into frozen water to save a life?". 

She looked around as if she was expecting someone to raise his hand. And indeed.  
Of all men it was him her eyes seeked out immediately. He was looking proud into her direction and smiling tenderly while slowly raising his hand. Nearby Mr. Stringer and Tom also raised their hands. 

"Ah just as I thought. Only Sanditonian residents would have acted the same way. But it is not because they are braver than others - it is because they do know how to swim. Miss Heywood grew up in a village and learned how to swim there but she improved her skills here in Sanditon last summer. Let's imagine it was your own child, or a friend, your beloved ...how would you feel if you had the opportunity to rescue them but are stopped by your lack of the art of swimming? I wouldn't forgive myself which is why I intend to spend my summer here and swim as much as I can. I invite you to do the same and next time you witness someone drowning you won't stand idle by and be helpless. Be heroes and heroines!". 

She earned a loud applause for her speech. 

"If you are already interested in booking an apartment for the summer Mr. Tom Parker is the one in charge.  
Now one last thing: as my dear friend Miss Heywood is still recovering she is only allowed to dance eight dances to not exhaust herself. Doctor's orders. I decided to make it more fun and play a little game. There are eight gentlemen chosen by chance to dance with Miss Heywood. Those who received a pink rose by the entrance. If however you are unable to dance or not in the mood for it you may pass the rose over to someone else. Now let's have a wonderful evening!". 

While there was applause again Charlotte managed to speak to Lady Susan: "You shouldn't have -".

"Oh I should and I did. Enjoy yourself, my dear, you deserve being celebrated as the heroine you are!". 

Charlotte couldn't help but shake her head in disbelief. Before she could reply anything she was greeted by some young ladies who wished to hear her story. Although Charlotte recounted the events as unspectacular as possible her audience of young women which was growing was fascinated. 

"How come you were not afraid?".

"I was afraid. Afraid that I wouldn't make it in time to save little Timmy", Charlotte confessed. 

"But what about your own life?".

"I did not think of it in that moment. All that mattered was Timmy".

"Oh Miss Heywood, I wish I was as brave as you", exclaimed Miss Daniela, daughter of Lady Salisbury. 

Charlotte blushed and replied: "I'm sure you are. If you see someone in need of help and it is a question of life and death you would act instinctively and not have second thoughts. Believe me". 

"Still you have all my admiration for your heroic act. I must ask mother to come back this summer and learn swimming!".

The other women agreed and before they could continue conversing the music started and they went off to find dance partners.  
Charlotte wondered if someone of the eight gentleman would seek her out for the first dance or if she had time to realise all that had happened the last half an hour.  
She was deep in thoughts when someone touched her hand. She turned to find Esther standing next to her. Her emerald green elegant dress matched her hair perfectly. 

"Esther, you look so beautiful today", Charlotte greeted her relieved to see someone she actually knew. 

"Thank you, but you look quite breathtaking yourself. Believe me, I heard Sidney holding his breath. I kept waiting for him to turn blue. But at some point he must have resumed breathing".

Charlotte blushed and chuckled a little. 

"So? How do you like this ball of yours?".

"It is quite overwhelming. Lady Susan is full of surprises. I would have never guessed that all this is for me. I feel quite embarrassed". 

"Of course you do, humble people always do! Stop overthinking this and enjoy yourself", Esther replied dry.

"I'll try my best". 

"And I'll keep an eye on you just as Lady Susan requested".

Charlotte frowned: "Why?".

"My dear, this is London society. Some guests here are very vicious. But unfortunately they are also wealthy and we need their money. I'm just making sure that you are treated with respect. Some of these creatures tend to forget to do so if someone isn't as wealthy as they are", Esther said in resentment. 

"Esther, I don't want you to be my watchdog. I can take care of myself. You should go and dance, have fun!".

"Dance? Oh no, just the thought of all the spinning and turning makes me feel nauseous. It is a pity for Babington loves to dance. He seemed to have found a nice replacement though", Esther replied smiling into his direction. 

Charlotte followed her gaze and saw Alison with Lord Babington on the dancefloor. She was happy for her sister for Alison was concerned about finding no willing dance partners. 

"Surely this must be some joke! She can't possibly have us all dragged here to celebrate this farm mouse!", Eliza said through gritted teeth. 

"Eliza!", Sidney said in a warning tone. 

She ignored him and continued: "Did you know the purpose of this ball all along? I'm sure you did!".

"I suspected as much but Lady Susan never confided in me". 

"If I had known I would not have come! You know how much I hate this place! And being here on behalf of a nobody is absolutely obscene!".

"Eliza, one more insult and I'll ask Lady Susan to make you leave", Sidney said in a very low and dangerous voice to her. 

She laughed and looked at him in disbelief. 

"You wouldn't dare".

"Watch me", he replied and was about to turn around and go.

She grabbed his arm firmly and made him stay. 

"Don't be silly! Everyone here will also be attending our wedding and I won't cause a scene. Calm down now", she whispered and put on her fake smile. 

Why did he have to be so overly protective when it came to those savages? Never mind!  
She needed to make a good impression on everyone present. She kept looking for her dear Lady Salisbury and was eager to hear her opinion on the turn of events when she spotted her daughter Daniela.  
What on earth could she be doing in the presence of that village mouse? Surely they would have nothing in common to talk about!  
In honesty she was very jealous. Although she was closer to Daniela's age (she was twenty) than to her mothers (who was 45) Daniela never showed any interest in befriending her. It irritated her now that she would seek the company of someone beneath her.  
She would seek out Lady Salisbury and make her aware of the company her daughter was in.  
Yet before she could set off with clinging to Sidney the music started and she looked expectantly at him.  
When he kept staring somewhere else she dragged him towards the dancefloor where a few couples where already taking up their positions.  
The dance started and Eliza tried to be as elegant as possible but Sidney was so stiff and she wondered why. He used to be such an accomplished and passionate dancer and now he behaved like he didn't enjoy it at all. Surely it wasn't because of their discussion before, was it?

"Sidney? Are you dancing like this to vex me?", she asked him while smiling to pretend she enjoyed the dance. 

She couldn't let anyone here see that her future husband was behaving like a sulky child. 

"You dragged me here and never asked if I was in the mood. I just followed in order to avoid attracting attention", he replied through gritted teeth. 

"Well, you are not doing a good job. I can feel them staring at us". 

He sighed and she could feel his shoulder under her hand loosening up a bit. They continued to dance in silence and once the dance was over Sidney bowed curtly and said he needed a drink.  
He truly had the audacity to leave her standing on the dancefloor! She was fuming and thought about how to make him pay for it. Surely someone must have witnessed his behaviour.  
She was about to leave the dance floor when Lady Worcester came to stand next to her. She was accompanied by a gentleman with light brown hair and green eyes. He was very handsome and seemed a little nervous. 

"Mrs. Campion, may I introduce Lord Carstairs? He asked me to make your acquaintance for he would love to ask you to dance", Lady Worcester said smiling. 

"If I am asked I am not averse to accept", she replied with a sweet smile for she saw a chance to make Sidney jealous.  
She continued: "It is a pleasure to meet you, Lord Carstairs". 

"The pleasure is all mine. So, may I ask you to dance the next dance with me?", he replied with a surprisingly pleasant voice. 

She was a little taken aback and simply nodded in consent. 

James was still awestruck by their appearance. Both looked absolutely lovely. But while he had already seen Charlotte dressed up for a ball it was Alison that he couldn't take his eyes off.  
The green colour of her dress suited her perfectly and her rosy cheeks very absolutely lovely.  
After seeing her dance with Lord Babington he was in doubt whether to ask her at all. He had witnessed many men turning around and looking at her. How could he stand a chance?  
He turned away for he did not want to seem like a pervert watching her all the time.  
It was something else though that caught his attention: Sidney Parker was dancing with his fiancée but seemed to be displeased. After a few turns he seemed to relax yet still didn't smile.  
Now that he knew the truth he understood why Sidney Parker was looking as he did. He was stuck with someone he didn't love and he had to face a lifetime with her. James pitied him indeed.  
The dance came to an end and he turned back to the dancefloor to see Alison approaching him.

"Mr. Stringer, how lovely to see you".

"The pleasure is all mine", he managed to say. 

She looked down and her gaze was fixed on his hands holding a pink rose. She smiled. 

"So, you are one of the lucky gentlemen! Charlotte will be delighted to dance with you". 

It's now or never, he thought. 

"I would like to dance with you first, if you do me the honour?", he asked shyly. 

She blushed and replied happily: "It would be my pleasure".


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you can read my mind ...or my story is just too predictable?! 🤔

The second dance of the evening started and Alison couldn't believe how lucky she was to be dancing with Mr. Stringer. The first minutes she was so nervous she couldn't speak. 

"I am very glad that you changed your mind. As I am leaving next week this is my first and last ball here in Sanditon", she finally dared to start a conversation. 

"You will be missed, Miss Alison. But surely you can come back and visit again?", he asked in a hopeful tone.

"Perhaps someday. But as long as my family needs me I am not free to come". 

"Well, if your father needs help with the cottages or just another hand I might have some spare time after Sanditon's expansion is finished". 

Alison looked at him, eyes wide and asked confused: "Are you offering to come to Willingden ...and help my family?".

He blushed slightly and back-padeled: "Excuse me if I am too forthright. I just ...".

"No, it's alright. I just thought that you'd be on your way to London after you've finished up here. To start your apprenticeship". 

"I'm still not certain if that is the right thing to do. My father wasn't convinced it is for me". 

"But what does your heart tell you? Do you truly believe that you could be happy here forever? Forgive me if I speak bluntly but if you decide against it you are in my eyes ungrateful".

Mr. Stringer frowned and asked a little irritated: "Ungrateful? Why would you say that?". 

Oh, Alison realised that she overstepped but she couldn't turn back now and she needed to be honest with him. 

"You are ungrateful because you are given a great chance and you are tossing it away. I would kill for such a chance. But alas, I am a woman and nobody would ever offer me an apprenticeship. You are lucky to be a man and talented and that someone is recognising your talent and offering you to improve your abilities", she clarified passionately. 

Mr. Stringer was clearly thinking about what to reply for she could see how his frown deepened and how he opened his mouth but without saying something.   
The dance came to an end and Alison felt horrible for ruining it by being so frank.  
They thanked each other for the dance and each took a different direction.   
Why did she not keep her opinion to herself?! Although it was the truth: she envied him for being a man and having all possibilities the world could offer whereas she was meant to be stuck in a household with plenty children and no time for her sketches anymore. She sighed and went to seek Georgiana. 

Sidney watched her floating on the dancefloor with Lord Grasmere. He wondered that the elderly man wasn't suffering from a heart attack for he surely had the most beautiful dance partner. There were not enough words in the English language to describe her beauty, he was sure about that.   
And everytime she smiled he wished he could switch places with Lord Grasmere and be the one to hold her in his arms.   
Although he was completely preoccupied with watching his beloved Charlotte he still felt watchful eyes on him. So he collected all his strength to turn away from Charlotte and watch the others on the dancefloor.   
Alison and Mr. Stringer were dancing and looked really good together.   
Eliza was dancing with a very handsome gentleman who seemed to enjoy her company more than Sidney did during their dance together.   
And then there were Arthur and Georgiana having fun. It filled him with happiness to see Georgiana so relaxed and joyous.   
His sister Diana was also dancing and he noticed her flushed but very delighted face. The gentleman she was dancing with was very, very pale, had blond hair and piercing blue eyes. He was very slender and almost seemed fragile. Still he managed to dance elegantly.   
Mary was standing on the opposite side and speaking to Lady Denham. He wondered if she was speaking about Tom's failures again. As much as he fully understood her anger with Tom it annoyed him that she would go on and on about it and make Mary feel bad about it. He had to rescue Mary from Lady Denham. 

"Sidney? How do you like the evening so far?", Lady Susan had approached him from behind and asked him. 

"Your are a genius! My brother was already approached by three gentlemen and this is just the beginning I suppose. Thank you for everything", Sidney answered after kissing her left hand. 

"We haven't got the money yet ...and I still haven't found the solicitor of Mrs. C. So please don't thank me now, thank me when we are completely successful", she whispered back.

Then she looked down at his empty hands. 

"I see you were not fortunate enough to receive a rose. Well, perhaps someone will give you his". 

A sad smile showed on his face before he said: "I highly doubt that. I overheard two gentlemen fighting over a rose when I went to get a drink. You can still see them discussing".

He gestured with his head towards the men and Lady Susan followed his gaze and smirked. 

"These are the nephews of Lord Graham. They are cousins and fight over everything. I'm not surprised at all".

She had just finished her sentence when she was approached by a lady and a gentleman.   
Sidney left the place where he was standing and paced the room slowly. His eyes always fixed on Charlotte again.   
Even after the second dance ended he still followed her with his eyes. She was conversing with Lord Grasmere and after he excused himself she was approached by Lady Denham.   
At least Mary was safe from her now. Charlotte would know how to handle Lady Denham. And to top it off he observed how Esther was within a few moments at Charlotte's side. It was as if she was keeping an eye out on her.   
Although Charlotte was speaking to both ladies he caught her glancing at him every now and then. And everytime the warm feeling inside would return.   
If only she could be his wife already. He wouldn't have left her side and would have danced with her every dance. Yes, it wasn't common yet who would blame him with such a beautiful creature by his side?   
Suddenly he looked up and his view was blocked by Mr. Stringer. 

He felt all range of feelings after the dance with Alison. He felt insulted that she would call him ungrateful. He felt flattered for being called talented. He felt pity for her being a woman and having no chance to be as accomplished as she wished to be. He felt pain for considering leaving although his father was strictly against it. And he felt confused for not knowing how things were left between the two of them.   
Alison seemed to be disappointed when the dance ended.   
God, that dance had started so romantically. He truly had goosebumps all over his body. It felt so good to hold her in his arms. And now?   
To be honest all he wanted was to clear things up between them. She meant well ...even though she hurt him a little for James considered himself very appreciative for all his blessings. And if it wasn't the issue with his father he would have taken the opportunity immediately.   
He ran his hand through his hair and gulped his wine down.   
When he looked up again he saw Sidney Parker standing not far from him.   
His gaze was focused on Charlotte. The yearning was clearly evident. And Charlotte would eventually steal some looks too.   
He weighed his options: would he give Sidney Parker the rose and make Charlotte and him happy for a moment?   
Or should he follow propriety and avoid having two star-crossed lovers dance together in front of prying eyes?  
He felt like he owed Sidney Parker. It was thanks to him that all his men and him included still had jobs. He breathed in deeply and made his way towards him. 

"Mr. Parker, I never thanked you for the sacrifice you made to save not only your family but all of us here in Sanditon. I know there is nothing I can do to make it up to you. Yet I wonder if this would at least serve for now?", he said while handing the rose to him.

Sidney Parker seemed speechless for he kept staring at the rose in his hand. When he finally looked up James was surprised to see his eyes being wet. 

"Thank you very much, Mr. Stringer. You have no idea how much pleasure you have brought me with this", Sidney Parker's voice was hoarse and full of emotion. 

"Enjoy your dance then, Mr. Parker", James replied smiling and happy for him.   
Now all he needed to do next was to find Alison and speak with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ❤🥰


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤ Thank you ❤❤❤

So Lady Susan kept being right. Someone gave him a rose and now he would have the opportunity to dance with her. He caught her gaze again and held his rose up to show her that they would have one dance together. Her eyes widened and then she blushed adorably.  
He couldn't help but smile tenderly at her. She smiled slightly back and then turned to face Esther who was whispering something into her ear. From there on Charlotte didn't look at him anymore.   
It disturbed him enormously.   
And as if his mood right now wasn't bad enough he felt a hand on his arm and turned to see Eliza next to him who was smiling coldly. 

"Where did you get that from?", she asked through gritted teeth. 

"It was given to me!".

"Was it? I'm sure Lady Susan had her hand in this too. That woman is insufferable. I will never understand what she sees in that ...that ...farm cow".

Sidney didn't realise how fast he had turned to her and snapped: "I warned you, did I not?! I won't tolerate your behaviour any further!". 

He could see fear in her eyes. 

She grabbed his arm and begged: "Please don't, I didn't come here to be embarrassed in front of all our guests".

"You should have thought about that before you provoked me". 

He heard whispers around them and realised that they were indeed causing a scene. As much as he would have loved to see her sent away in front of all people he did not want to ruin Charlotte's evening.   
He sighed, put on a fake smile and took Eliza's arm. He directed her to the refreshments. 

"There you go, well done, Sidney", Eliza said in relief. 

"Stop talking to me as if I am your pet!".

She took the drink he offered her and kept silent, thankfully. 

"You and Mr. Stringer made quite a couple on the dancefloor. You looked beautifully together", Georgiana greeted her when Alison approached her.

Alison looked sad and replied: "Perhaps, at least before I couldn't keep my mouth closed and I fear I insulted him". 

"Why would you do that?!", Georgiana asked astonished. 

Alison buried her head in her hands. 

"Because I cannot help it and I had to speak the truth even though it meant hurting him". 

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad. I know something that will cheer you up. Have a dance with Mr. Arthur Parker. He managed to bring back a smile to my face in some of my darkest hours. Let's fetch him", Georgiana suggested and dragged Alison away. 

"So Miss Heywood, I see you are still on hunt for a wealthy husband. Lord Grasmere is quite a catch", Lady Denham approached her after the dance with the mentioned gentleman.

"Lady Denham, I can assure you I'm not on hunt for anyone or anything".

"Oh fiddle-faddle! I know who your heart beats for. But he's not worth it. No noteworthy wealth. Better you stick with the Lord. He's old and won't live long to get on your nerves".

Charlotte frowned for she wasn't sure if Lady Denham indeed knew who her heart belonged to. 

She seemed to read her face for she sighed and continued: "It was at the luncheon that I witnessed the sparks that flew between the two of you. Whenever Sidney Parker was present in Sanditon he would not talk to women beyond the greeting. You were the first woman I saw him engaging into conversation. And at the midsummer ball I had absolute clarity. He was looking at you the way he's now".

Charlotte looked across the room and indeed he was staring at her. His brown eyes warm and tender. 

"Aunt, how do you like the ball?", Esther was suddenly at her side.

"I had hoped for the Prince Regent so I'm disappointed it's only Miss Heywood we are celebrating today".

"Charming as always, aunt!", Esther replied dryly and rolled her eyes. 

"I'm just being honest", Lady Denham said defensive.

"Charlotte I fear your other dance partners are simply too shy or too stupid. I heard two young gentlemen fight over a rose and another one that he's not sure how to dance with someone so capable. It would seem you are intimidating", Esther reported. 

"You see, Miss Heywood. I told you it would do you no good. Now your only choice is indeed Lord Grasmere", Lady Denham chipped in. 

"God aunt, you can't possibly wish for Charlotte to marry a man who might die on their wedding night!", Esther exclaimed. 

Charlotte felt suddenly very hot and said: "Esther!". 

"What? It is true. He might have a heart attack if you simply approach him in your nightgown".

"Well at least he should live long enough to make her an heir and then he can die if he likes", Lady Denham said seriously. 

Charlotte looked at Sidney again for all that talk about her wedding night made her feel quite uncomfortable.

"May I ask you to quit speaking about my wedding night? I'd much rather hear your opinion on the decoration", Charlotte asked politely. 

"I won't waste my time talking about fabric and flowers. Everyone knows Lady Susan has got a formidable taste. I'll find Lord Babington to fetch me a drink", Lady Denham said annoyed.

"Oh please do!", Esther encouraged her.   
"Dear Charlotte you are still flushed. I'm sure you would have enjoyed the conversation if my aunt had chosen Sidney for your wedding night", she said cheekily while turning to Charlotte. 

"Esther! Please stop it. I do not wish to speak about my wedding night at all. We are attending a ball. This is not the place to speak about matters like that. We might be overheard", Charlotte explained embarrassed. 

"Perhaps, but if it soothes your nerves, people are busy retelling your story. Although I might have heard a version where you had to fight a shark to get Timmy out of the water".

Both laughed at that and let their gaze roam the room again.   
Of course her glance naturally wandered to him. He looked so dashing in his black tailcoat with the golden waistcoat he had already worn in London. And now he was looking at her with so much emotion in his eyes that she felt almost weak to her knees. When he raised his hand holding a rose she was shocked. She had seen his hands empty before thus he must have received one belated.   
So they would indeed dance together again? Would it be like their London dance? Or even more romantic for now both parties were aware of each others feelings?  
She was completely lost in thoughts and smiling when Esther leaned down to her. 

"Take care, Charlotte. There are prying eyes everywhere and you and Sidney look like you are about to devour each other right here and now", she whispered in her ear. 

This was enough for a wake-up call. Charlotte turned abruptly away from him and decided to avoid his direction all evening. Perhaps she would even decline dancing with him pretending that she felt too exhausted to do so. 

While Eliza was approached by some ladies Sidney excused himself and made an escape. He was on a mission to claim his dance. The third and fourth dance of the evening passed on and nobody engaged Charlotte to dance with her. One of Lord Graham's nephews asked Charlotte afterwards. So Charlotte had still six dances to spare.  
Now the gentlemen seemed to have warmed up for Charlotte was already engaged for the next few dances. And all her partners seemed to enjoy her company very much.   
How could they not?, Sidney wondered.   
Only two roses were left now. His and one of a very arrogant looking gentleman who's name he didn't know. The gentleman didn't seem eager to dance with her at all. He never looked into her direction.   
Sidney decided to take this opportunity and ask her now.   
He approached her slowly in anticipation. 

"Miss Heywood, may I have the next dance?", he asked and could hear that his voice was hoarse.

Charlotte turned around to him and he noticed her tremble slightly. 

"Mr. Parker, I ...I am ...I dont think ...", she stammered. Then she sighed and replied: "It would be my pleasure".

Her shy smile took his breath away. Never had any woman make him feel like this.   
Lady Susan who had been standing next to Charlotte seconds ago was now whispering something into the musician's ear.   
They were standing silently next to each other while waiting for the set to finish.   
He was absolutely aware of her closeness. He could smell her cherry blossom perfume and see the small clips of artificial roses in her hair. From afar she was already stunning. Now standing next to her simply made him breath- and speechless.   
When it was time to position on the dancefloor he held out his hand which she took hesitantly. The touch and warmth of her hand (though through gloves) made his whole body tingle. He couldn't avert his eyes from her.   
The first beats of music echoed through the hall and Sidney noted that he would have to thank Lady Susan later for arranging this. It was a waltz.   
He put his hand eagerly on her waist which made her gasp. Then he enclosed her hand softly. When she placed her hand on his shoulder he swallowed.   
Far too close to be approved as appropriate they started turning around.   
Their heartbeats quickened and beat in unison. Their smiles growing and becoming more tender with every swirl.   
Sidney felt like it was only the two of them on the dancefloor. He felt like he was in a trance or maybe heaven. Him and Charlotte being reunited and showing each other their true feelings while dancing passionately.   
It was too good to be true and he feared he would wake up and it was a dream.   
More than half of the dance was over when Charlotte's expression changed and she looked pained. 

Sidney was instantly alarmed and asked low: "What is it, my love?". 

She didn't answer but started to cough. Though she tried to keep up the pace of the dance it was very difficult to cough and waltz at the same time.   
They stopped and Sidney pulled out his handkerchief which she took eagerly. Her head was reddened from exhaustion and Sidney could feel her legs giving almost away under her. If it was only them he would have scooped her up and taken her to a seat.   
Yet the only help he could offer was to support her and to escort her to the next room across the hallway where a window was opened. She took a seat and grabbed his arm firmly while still coughing. 

"Surely she regrets rescuing that boy now. Given the price she's paying. Not to mention the embarrassment", Lady Salisbury commented on the situation with a smirk. 

"Mother! At least she's done something invaluable in her life. What is it you have contributed? She saved a life for God's sake!", Daniela burst out with anger. 

Her mother was shocked to hear her talk like that: "Daniela, how dare you speak to me like that?!".

"How dare YOU try to devalue what Miss Heywood has done?! I have already asked papa permission to come back here and learn swimming. Because I want to be capable of more than looking pretty and gossiping", Daniela replied and then stormed off before her mother had the opportunity to object. 

"That village mouse is causing trouble wherever she appears", Eliza stated.

"It would seem so. I have never heard Daniela speak in such ways at all. In fact she doesn't speak much in general. The sooner we leave the better. She's too young and every bad influence might affect her and ruin her life". 

"Yes, absolutely!", Eliza agreed willingly. 

Charlotte was still coughing and with every second Sidney's worry grew. He couldn't bear to see her like that. 

"I'm fetching the doctor!", he proclaimed but was hold back by Charlotte. 

She was still holding on to his arm for support. Alison came rushing with a glass of water.   
Slowly Charlotte seemed to recover and the coughing subsided.   
When Charlotte put the handkerchief down he saw a hint of red on it. His heart started beating faster again.

"Charlotte is that blood on your handkerchief?", he asked her worried. 

She looked up and nodded curtly.   
He felt his chest constricting and a slight dizziness started to settle in.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel incredibly awful for letting you wait for so long. I never intended to do so. Especially after the last chapter. I had planned to update the day after but work got in the way.   
> Since Friday I have slept 10 hours overall and worked 42 hours, though today has been the first day of only 8 hours of work. 
> 
> To cut a long story short:  
> I am truly sorry and hope you can forgive me. Thank you for comments. ❤
> 
> I hope this chapter isn't the weakest of all since I'm still exhausted. But I couldn't bear to let you wait any longer.

She released Sidney's arm and he stumbled backwards, a few steps away from her. He didn't look well and Charlotte started to worry about him. 

"Oh my, Mr. Parker you look pale. What happened, my dear?", Lady Susan crossed the small room in a hurry. 

Her eyes found the blood on the handkerchief. 

"I'll be back in a minute", she announced and was out of the door.

"Please don't fuss about it. I do feel quite well. I suppose it was just the stuffy air in the ball room that caused my coughing fit". 

"Still there should be no blood, Charlotte!", Alison cried and took her hand. 

"It's barely there. I'm sure everything is fine", Charlotte tried to comfort her sister. 

Arthur, Georgiana and Mr. Stringer also entered the room now. 

"Charlotte, are you alright? We came as soon as the set finished", Georgiana took her other hand. 

Charlotte felt incredibly embarrassed.   
What started as a perfectly beautiful dance with Sidney ended with her body betraying her. Showing everyone that she hadn't recovered fully.   
And having all those worried eyes on her, knowing she was loved by those who stood around her made her emotional. She couldn't hold back the tears anymore.   
Tears of embarrassment for leaving the dancefloor abruptly, tears of anger for being still an invalid (though she did not feel like one), tears of gratitude for all the love surrounding her. And when she looked into Sidney's eyes which were widened in shock also tears of loss. She dropped her head and shed tears. Everyone present was silent.   
Suddenly she felt a warm hand on her cheek and another on her knee. Her body started tingling before she saw whom the hands belonged to. She looked up slowly and her eyes met of course Sidney's who was on his knees in front of her. 

"My love, why are you crying? Are you in pain? What is it?", he asked her desperately while wiping her tears with his thumb.   
It wasn't appropriate at all to let him call her 'my love' or touch her the way he did, yet it felt so incredibly good. 

She shook her head slightly and answered: "No, no pain. Only shame for causing so much uproar".

He seemed to relax a little and kept on stroking her cheek. 

"There is nothing to be ashamed of. You saved a life and you are still recovering. Perhaps this was too soon. We should have taken better care of you", Sidney objected. 

"I assure you I feel much better than in Willingden". 

"Oh Charlotte, I don't understand it. I haven't heard you coughing in days", Alison stated.   
Mr. Stringer standing behind her and watching the whole scene in bewilderment. 

Charlotte blushed and everyone knew that she was hiding something from them.

"What is it, Charlotte?", Georgiana asked impatiently. 

Charlotte sighed and reclaimed her hands to herself, starting to wring them nervously. 

"I ...I am still coughing. Especially at night. But I stifle the sound with a cushion. I didn't want to alarm anyone", she confessed. 

"Oh Charlotte! Now we are alarmed despite your try to hide it from us. Don't you understand that we worry about you no matter what. It is because we love you and care for you!", Alison explained her voice filled with emotion. 

"I know", Charlotte said now through upcoming new tears. 

Sidney was still wiping her tears and when she locked eyes with him their souls connected. Every emotion he felt was also felt by her. Love washing over them both.   
Charlotte knew that she should disconnect for she could see that he yearned to connect also physically by kissing her. His eyes flickered to her lips and back to her eyes.   
Just look away to make him stop, she told herself. Yet it was too tempting. Having him comforting her was exactly what she needed now. And a kiss from him would surely make her forget everything. She felt their bodies leaning closer to each other. He was less than six inches away from her lips.

"Sidney! If you keep on we might have to find a guardian for you, too. Someone to teach you how to behave like a gentleman!", Georgiana warned him and the spell was broken. 

Charlotte could see his ears being reddened deeply and she herself felt very flushed.   
How embarrassing to lose control in front of all their friends! Georgiana was absolutely right to stop them. 

"Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Miss Heywood is much more fun to be around than Mrs. Campion", Arthur exclaimed from behind and Charlotte realised that he hadn't been let on in their secret. 

As well as Mr. Stringer albeit he had seen them together on the street and must have done the math.   
Sidney seemed to have woken completely from the trance he was in and turned around to his brother. 

"I'll explain everything later to you". 

Before Arthur could reply anything the door was flung open and Lady Susan came rushing in - behind her Dr. Fuchs. 

"Everybody out here, I need to examine the patient!", Dr. Fuchs ordered. 

They obeyed and Charlotte was left with him alone. 

"We should all head back to the hall", Lady Susan advised. 

"I'm not leaving this spot until I know that she's well", Sidney protested and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Sidney, please try to be reasonable. Especially YOU shouldn't be here. I'm sure your fiancée is very displeased".

"Then so be it! Charlotte is my life and I cannot go in there and pretend everything is fine".

"Sidney! We have no choice. Go back with your brother and I will inform you as soon as there are news. Please! You are putting everything at risk. I need you to go back in. The guests are already gossiping". 

Sidney seemed to think about it. Then he turned around abruptly with his jaw clenched and Arthur followed him.   
Alison felt pity for him. If she was to have only half the love he and her sister shared she was sure it would be enough to lead a happy and fulfilled life and marriage. And speaking of love she turned to Mr. Stringer who was still standing close by (but far enough to not be overheard) and looking confused. 

"Are you alright, Mr. Stringer?", she asked him while approaching him.

He nodded and replied: "That was ...intense. Forgive me, but I have never witnessed such an open display of love. Though forbidden of course. Charlotte and Mr. Parker are ...are made for each other. I do realise it now". 

"Yes, they are very much in love. I do hope that despite all they will have a future together", she answered with trembling voice. 

Mr. Stringer looked up and smiled.

"So do I. They deserve to be happy together". 

"They do indeed".

Both spoke no more. Alison still felt the need to apologise for her frankness during their dance. Better to be done with it as soon as possible. 

"Mr. Stringer, I owe you an apology. I didn't mean to insult you and accuse you of ungratefulness. It was simply meant as encouragement to chase after your dreams and take up all opportunities given", she finally said. 

She was taken by surprise when he took her hand and replied very emotionally: "I know you meant well. How could you not? Your heart is made of pure gold. I was just too stunned to answer. The last words my father and I exchanged in anger are still haunting me and that is what is holding me back". 

Alison blushed upon hearing his compliment. 

"Still, I spoke out of turn and I'm sorry".

"I value your honesty".

"Thank you". 

"Will you ...will you promise me to be always honest with me?", he asked her shyly. 

Alison was about to answer when Lady Susan sought her out.

"Alison, dear? Will you stay here and call for me when Dr. Fuchs has finished with Charlotte's examination? Lady Denham insists on my return to the hall. Perhaps Mr. Stringer here can keep you company?". 

"Of course I'll stay. I wouldn't want to leave anyway until I'm assured that Charlotte is well".

"Very well, my dear. Do not forget to fetch for me at once!". 

Georgiana accompanying Lady Susan with a smirk on her face. And so they were left alone again. 

"Please don't feel obliged to wait with me. If you'd rather go back and dance you -".

"I do not wish to dance. I'm exactly where I yearn to be", he said seriously.

It made Alison gulp.

"You are?", she asked insecure. 

"Absolutely. Miss Alison, I ...I know I have nothing to offer. No wealth, no title, no connections. I fear there are no special qualities either to recommend me. But I am offering you my ...", he stopped. 

Alison couldn't believe her ears. What was he offering? Was this the beginning of a proposal?   
Could it truly be possible that he returned her feelings?

"Yes?", she whispered after a minute passed and he didn't finish his sentence. 

"I am offering you my-".

"Miss? Please come in and help your sister get back dressed", Dr. Fuchs interrupted them. 

Why now?! Could he not have waited a minute longer to fetch her? She felt like almost crying but composed herself to be of service for Charlotte.   
She asked Mr. Stringer to get Lady Susan and went inside the small room. 

"My dear Charlotte, are you alright?", Alison approached her. 

But it wasn't Chatlotte who answered. 

Dr. Fuchs who was collecting his utensils and putting them bag into a bag said: "Her throat is irritated due to the coughing last night. She needs to keep the mucous membrane of her throat moist, she needs to drink a lot. Preferably water and tea. And avoid dry, stuffy air. If however there should be more blood you need to call me again", then he turned to Charlotte: "And you, Miss, should stop underestimating your medical condition. If you keep on coughing I might have to send you to a specialist in London".

Chatlotte nodded timidly: "I'll try my best, Sir". 

When he left the room to go and speak with Lady Susan, Alison (who was already lacing up Charlotte's corset) stopped and hugged her. A few tears of relief escaping her eyes. 

"I don't know what I would do if I had to lose you. I love you, dear sister", she whispered. 

Charlotte also started crying again. 

"I love you, too and I promise to take better care of myself. Though you know me, I hate standing by. I am no damsel in distress or need anyone's pity. I just want to be fine again to be of use on the farm and to all my friends". 

"I do know that. But however this isn't the right time to care for others. This is the time for self care. Afterwards you may help as much as you please". 

Alison resumed to help Charlotte get dressed back completely. 

"Are you allowed to go back into the ballroom?", Alison asked unsure. 

"Yes, but I should drink a lot and make sure to seek out fresh air every now and then", Chatlotte replied and linked arms with her. 

Both stepped out of the room and found Lady Susan, Lady Denham, Georgiana and Mr. Stringer waiting for them. 

"Well, we would have been the talk of London if you had died, Miss Heywood. Now we will be forgotten easily", Lady Denham said dry. 

Lady Susan rolled her eyes and stepped forward to embrace Charlotte. 

"I am so relieved it's nothing too serious. Still you should step a little back. I have already a young lady who is very eager to get to know you better. Though I'm surprised she turns out to be so down-to-earth. Her mother is namely a beast. Anyhow, let's go back and get you something to drink". 

And so the group made its way back into the ballroom again. 

Arthur could clearly see that his brother was extremely restless. He didn't know Sidney very well for he was still very young when he left for Antigua and after his return Sidney wasn't much around to reconnect and get to know each other better. He knew him to be moody and short-tempered. But also very loyal, honest and a devoted uncle.   
The way he had seen him with Miss Heywood today was absolutely fascinating. Sidney being so open and showing all his emotions was spectacular. He was like a completely different person. Miss Heywood seemed to be his haven of tranquility and mind. Arthur had been indeed surprised when Sidney came back from London last year and announced his engagement to Mrs. Campion. He had seen the scepticism and uncertainty in Sidney's eyes at the regatta.   
But what did he know of love between a man and a woman? He assumed that maybe Sidney had found good reasons to trust her again and to marry her.  
With the knowledge he had now he felt very awful for letting his brother sacrifice his and Miss Heywood's happiness. After all he had been through Sidney deserved to be happy. And truth be told, he liked emotional Sidney much more than moody Sidney.

"Why is it taking so long? Surely something is wrong!", Sidney said through gritted teeth. 

"We have just reentered the ballroom. A good doctor always takes his time with his patients. Everything will be alright", Arthur tried to calm him although he himself wasn't sure at all that everything would be alright. Seeing the blood on the handkerchief (although it was just a hint) made him almost faint. 

"Sidney? May I ask how long you ...you and Miss Heywood ...well, you know?", he asked with a very low voice. 

He could see his brother's eyes light up immediately.

"I am not entirely sure. I suppose I was far too long fighting my feelings to realise that she already was in possession of my heart and soul. I definitely knew after the regatta. And I would have proposed at the Midsummer night's ball. Well, you know what happened that night and that I was forced to find a solution as soon as possible". 

Sidney's mood changed again and Arthur could sense the regret and the pain. 

"Is there anything I can do?", Arthur asked seriously. 

Sidney turned around to him and looked stunned. Then his eyes started to shimmer with tears and he hugged him. Arthur was absolutely unprepared but welcomed the surprise. 

When Sidney let go of him, he patted him on the back and said: "Indeed, you are the best and kindest of us brothers Parker. Thank you, but there is nothing you can do. Lady Susan and I are already working on it. But I appreciate your offer".

Arthur felt himself blushing and replied: "Anytime, dear brother". 

Both smiled at each other and enjoyed the moment of brotherly affection.   
Sidney's gaze drifted to the entrance again when Lady Susan came back with Georgiana. While she headed towards Lady Denham, Georgiana came straight up to them.

"So?", Sidney asked impatiently.

"He is still examining her. Sidney you really need to figure out how to hide your affection. It is no good. I can feel the viper's eyes on you. She might be smiling but I'm sure she will curse us all if she realises the extent of your feelings for Charlotte. I know it's not easy. But do try to be more composed around Charlotte", she said and placed her hand on his forearm. 

Sidney frowned at first but then he looked amused.

"Since when is my ward so sagacious?", he asked teasing.

"Sidney please, this is nothing to make fun about. I don't trust that witch and I wouldn't want her to harm anyone I hold dear just because you are too bad at hiding your true feelings. I know you are capable of it. You've done nothing else the past years. Yet now you are simply behaving like a lovesick fool". 

"I promise to try my best", Sidney said grave. 

All three of them watched the dancing couples while waiting for news.   
When Mr. Stringer came rushing in and seeking Lady Susan out, Sidney was taking a step towards the door too. Georgiana stopped him by putting her hand on his chest. 

"Don't you dare even think about it. Stay here. People are already watching you. I'll come back as soon as I know what's going on. Arthur, please make sure that he stays put". 

Sidney clenched his jaw but did as ordered. 

"Oh oh", Arthur exclaimed low when he saw her approaching them.

"Sidney dear, there you are", Mrs. Campion piped. 

Arthur could see his brother getting tense and forming fists.

"Mrs. Campion, you do look very lovely today. The blue colour suits your eyes quite well", Arthur decided to take over. 

She looked indifferently at him and her smile made him shiver - it was that cold. 

"Thank you, Mr. Parker. At least one of you Parkers is acknowledging my effort today".

"Don't you have any gossip to listen to, Eliza?", Sidney asked annoyed. 

She laughed and replied: "Silly Sidney, I'm to be your wife and I am here to claim a second dance". 

"I'm not in the mood to dance".

"Oh don't fear, I won't embarrass you as your former partner", she said mischievously. 

Sidney was about to answer harshly when his gaze wandered to the door again. Lady Susan, Lady Denham, Georgiana, Mr. Stringer, and both Misses   
Heywood stepped into the room and a few people started applauding again lead by Lord Babington. 

"Oh please, it's not like she raised from the dead", Mrs. Campion said coldly. 

Sidney was too occupied with looking at Charlotte to bother and object. 

"Come now, Sidney. The next dance is about to start", she started dragging Sidney's arm. 

"Go now, Sidney. We can continue our conversation later", Arthur said to make his brother do the right thing in this situation and dance with his fiancée. 

Sidney sighed and let Mrs. Campion pull him on the dancefloor.   
While Miss Heywood was now approached by a young lady Arthur wasn't acquainted with Georgiana came back to him. 

"He's a lost case, isn't he? Look how deep he frowns. If he keeps on, it will be imprinted forever", she commented. 

Lady Susan was glad to see that Miss Daniela, daughter to beastly Lady Salisbury, was in deep conversation with Charlotte. That would give Alison and Georgiana time to enjoy the rest of the ball. Although Alison and Mr. Stringer were standing beside each other and sharing shy looks instead of talking or dancing. 

"Alison, dear? You looked so elegant when you danced with Mr. Stringer before. I would very much like to see you two together on the dancefloor again", she tried to say nonchalantly. 

Both blushed and she thought it was rather cute. 

"May I have the next dance then, Miss Alison?", Mr. Stringer asked with a hoarse voice. 

Alison smiled beautifully and nodded.   
Lady Susan excused herself and was soon after approached by a footman. 

"Mylady, I fear we have a problem", he let her know trembling. 

She rolled her eyes and asked: "What is it then?".

"It's best to show you. Please, follow me, mylady".


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no words for your support and understanding. Upon reading your comments I shed tears. You are so kind!   
> I send you all a lot of positivity and pray for your safety and health!   
> Thank you, you are incredible! ❤❤❤

"Sidney, please, just for once dance like the accomplished dancer you are! My elegance will not suffice for us both!", Eliza complained. 

She had seen him dance with that savage and he had been the most elegant and passionate dancer on the dancefloor and now he was holding her like she was a broomstick.   
What was wrong with him? Sometimes she wasn't sure to know him at all. Ten years ago he was tender, devoted and promised to be a passionate husband. Now it seemed like he lost all his good traits and was simply a damaged version of himself.   
Why did he wait all those years - a decade - for her when he wasn't into it?   
Surely he still loved her but he had learned to hide it. She simply had to find a way to make him show his true and devoted feelings for her again.   
Yes, she would think of something to bewitch him again. 

"Do you remember our first ball together? It was so magical. I saw you and I knew that I would fall in love with you", she said softly. 

Sidney looked down at her and frowned.

"It wasn't enough to marry me, was it?", he asked cynically. 

"Sidney, I cannot say that I regret my decision for now that you are in reduced circumstances his money will serve us well and allows us to marry and lead a prosperous life".

"It's always about the money with you, isn't it? I cared deeply for you and I would have found a way to provide a prosperous life for us. Yet you decided to take another path".

"I do not understand why you are so resentful. I'm making it up to you by choosing you now! Do you know how many gentlemen have asked for my hand in marriage before we got engaged? But I chose you! I know that we will revive the love we shared once. We are both still good looking and attracted to each other. Everything else will somehow work out with time".

Sidney didn't reply.   
He was a tough nut to crack and she needed to be more diplomatic. On the way back to London she would think of something. Thankfully he was to return with her and would be far away from that farm mouse. She wondered why many men were drawn to her. She was nothing special - on the contrary. She was an invalid who looked plain and wasn't accomplished at all.   
The dance finished and Sidney left her soon after to get back to his fat brother and that negress. Although she wanted to be close to him to avoid further contact with the village girl she was too ashamed to be seen with the other two. Sidney really needed to get rid of his ward. Best to ship her back to the place she came from. And as Antigua was already full of savages itself she was welcome to take the farm mouse with her, she thought to herself smirking. 

"How I wish to punch someone very hard", Sidney said through gritted teeth when he approached Arthur and Georgiana. 

"And I wish you were allowed to punch that snake. Yet you must compose yourself. How about another dance?", Georgiana asked. 

"With whom? I still don't know what's going on with Charlotte. And she's the only one I wish to dance with", Sidney answered frustrated.

"She's fine. She needs to drink a lot and the blood wasn't from her lung. It was from her throat. She needs fresh air, lots of fluids and a Sidney who behaves", she said with a raised eyebrow. 

He sighed in relief and smiled. His gaze on her he watched her laughing with the young lady she was talking to. It was like watching an angel. She was perfection. How could he ever be deserving of her? And yet she had chosen him. What a lucky devil he was. 

"Stop it, Sidney", Georgiana chided him annoyed. 

"My brother tends to be the devotional type of lover. Either it's all or nothing", Arthur noticed smiling. 

"Look, there are only a few dances left and you haven't danced with anyone but the witch and Charlotte. People will surely talk. You should dance with your sister, Alison and me to avoid gossip", Georgiana suggested. 

Sidney realised that he hadn't had the chance to talk to Diana about the gentleman she had been dancing with.   
He agreed and Georgiana dragged him eagerly on the dancefloor. 

While Sidney had been dancing with Mrs. Campion Alison was floating in Mr. Stringer's arms. They made polite conversation but he did not finish what he had started before. Perhaps he had changed his mind and he didn't want to offer her anything anymore?!  
Alison was very confused, though she enjoyed the dance and being held by him. He seemed to enjoy it too for he was smiling all the time. 

"I believe I'll accept the offer very soon. Mr. Sidney Parker told me that we haven't the funds to expand beyond the freshly finished terrace and the new houses. The pagoda is far too expensive. I suppose there won't be much left for me to do here in Sanditon anyway", Mr. Stringer informed her. 

"Oh I am so glad to hear that, Mr. Stringer! I'm excited to hear of your progress afterwards ...that is, if you are willing to share it with me of course".

"Whom else would I share my experience with if not with you?", he asked blushing. 

"I will look forward to your letters then. They will be a most welcomed distraction after the hard farm work everyday".

"Do you ...do you see yourself living on the farm forever?".

"I don't know. Owning a farm isn't my preferred vocation yet I don't want to make my parents feel like I was too superior to be a farmer's daughter or wife".

"Farmer's wife?", Mr. Stringer asked surprised. 

Alison hadn't realised before that she had mentioned it.

"Oh, you see, I never believed that I would leave Willingden for my parents have lived all their lives there and we never travelled anywhere. Charlotte was the first one of us to leave our village. I just accepted that I would marry one of the village boys and stay there forever. But not out of love or devotion, simply because it seemed unlikely to travel and make new acquaintances", she explained a little flushed. 

"I'm relieved to hear that".

"Why so, Sir?", Alison asked confused. 

"I just wish for you to have a partner who will support your dreams and makes you better. Not holding you back", he answered shyly not looking her into the eyes.

She giggled and after a short sequence with another gentleman she returned into his arms again. Feeling like coming home, she thought. 

"I can assure you that no male in Willingden can keep up with us Heywood women. But it would seem that men from other places are more open to giving their hearts to a headstrong and opinionated woman". 

Mr. Stringer simply smiled and didn't say anything. The dance was about to end and Alison feared that he wouldn't finish his sentence from before at all. 

She worked up her courage and asked: "Mr. Stringer, I believe you didn't finish your sentence from our conversation before. You said you would offer me something?!". 

He blinked a few times and then swallowed hard. Before he answered he looked her up and down. An agonized look displayed on his face. 

"Yes, I would offer you my apprenticeship if I could. I'm sure you would like that very much. Alas, I'm not in the position to do so", he spoke quickly. 

Alison was taken aback and disappointment washed over her. She was glad that the dance was over for she wouldn't want to cry in front of him. He bowed, she curtsied, thanked him and made a hasty escape. 

How would he ever live up to her? She was the first woman to inspire so many emotions in him. Charlotte had once been close to do so but Alison managed to light up his world. He wanted to protect her, offer her every opportunity possible, love and cherish her, make her the mother of his children and share every moment with her.   
Looking at her while dancing he realised he would need more than what he had now to give her the life she deserved. Coming from a farm and being one of many siblings he wanted to spoil her. Upon realising he had indeed nothing to offer but his love he decided to back up from his initial plan of asking permission to court her. First he needed to achieve something to be in the position to do so. What a mess! He was afraid of losing her while he would be busy with building a career. But he had no other choice. Surely her father wouldn't allow them to marry if he hadn't at least absolved the apprenticeship. If he himself had a daughter he wouldn't hand her to someone who didn't have control over his own life and didn't accomplish anything. Yes, working as a foreman on the Parker project was an achievement but he wanted to be his own boss.   
And then he would ask Alison to marry him. After the dance she was sooner gone that he had expected. And somehow she looked disappointed. But why? Did James say something wrong? 

Sidney wouldn't admit it loudly but he enjoyed dancing with Georgiana very much. It was nothing like their first dance in Sanditon when she was full of resentment and anger. She was very cheerful and made him chuckle every now and then by making sarcastic remarks about the other dancers. Afterwards he saw that Diana was currently free and he took his chance.

"Oh dear brother, it has been a very long time since we danced together", she said very happy after he asked her. 

The set began and Sidney didn't want to lose time. 

"I have seen you quite often in the company of a certain gentleman this evening. I believe I do not know him", he began. 

Diana blushed adorably which emphasized her youth. It was sorrow that made her look older at times. Right now she looked like life itself. 

"I think you are referring to Mr. Milford. We met him during our journey to the glandular stimulation therapy. He suffers from several diseases and was also on his way to receive the treatment. We ...we get along very well. He has become a dear friend. And his younger brother and Arthur are also very good friends now", she informed him. 

Sidney smiled cheekily: "A dear friend, you say? I dare say he might be much more. I would like to make his acquaintance. How about you introduce me after the dance?". 

Diana smiled and her eyes lit up. She was about to answer when the music stopped suddenly and several heads turned to the entrance. 

"I cannot leave my ball. Who ever requests my company should come in", Lady Susan said resolutely. 

She already knew who it was. He liked to play little games. And by not inviting him and spreading rumours of his attendance she was aware that it would tempt him to come. If she had asked him to come he would have declined for that was what he usually did. He only liked to be present when it was his idea in the first place. 

"Shall I tell the guest that you are refusing to come out?!", the footman asked in disbelief.

"Yes, exactly. I'm the hostess and I simply can't stay away", she said slightly annoyed. 

The footman swallowed hard and turned to go.   
He came back trembling more than before walking behind the Prince Regent. 

"Susan, I did not take you for the provincial type. Why would you stay in this small fishing village for so long?", he asked interested. 

"Your royal highness, it is a pleasure to welcome you to my ball and Sanditon. I have dear friends here and Sanditon is quite charming. Has definitely more to offer than fish", she replied winking. 

"If you say so. I was very surprised to hear that everyone was expecting me to be here attending a ball - yet I haven't received an invitation. I dared to come and look for myself". 

"Ah yes, the ball is held in honour my friend Miss Charlotte Heywood who risked her life and saved a little boy from drowning. I told you about her back in February. Unfortunately everybody assumed you would grace us with your presence".

"Anyone else worth knowing at this ball of yours?".

"Your friend Lord Babington is of course here, Sanditon is the hometown of his wife. And some of London's ton. If you are in the mood to see them you may follow me. Otherwise I must excuse myself and go back to my guests, your royal highness", Lady Susan told him a little distant. 

"Well, now that I am here, I suppose I can as well make an appearance. Perhaps the papers will have finally something positive to report about me. I still can't believe that they would always take sides of my wife. I am the king to be, not her!". 

He offered Lady Susan his arm and together they entered the hall.   
Suddenly a silence fell over the place and Lady Susan saw Tom Parker go pale.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: thank you for your thoughts, your comments, your love and support ❤❤❤

Sidney sensed his brother swaying dangerously. He took Diana's hand and made his way towards Tom. He put his hand firmly on his back to support him. Diana reached for Mary's drink and they made Tom drink it. Slowly he stabilised and his eyes have never shone brighter. Lady Susan and the Prince Regent approached the small pedestal where Lady Denham was seated and the curtains were closed to shield him from being stared at by the rest of the guests.   
Shortly after Lady Susan reappeared and motioned to the musicians to restart playing music. 

"We did it! We did it! Sanditon will be all over the newspaper and it will be resounding throughout the land!", Tom cheered. 

"May I remind you that it was Lady Susan who did all the work, Tom?", Sidney asked with rolling eyes. 

"She was a great help indeed! Now it wasn't in vain that I left the best apartment and didn't promise it to someone else. The Prince Regent can reside there as long as he wishes to. Oh, splendid! What success! I wonder when he will receive us". 

"IF Tom, IF he wishes to receive us at all. He's royalty and he is in no way bound to see anybody here", Sidney informed him annoyed. 

Tom was getting carried away again and he needed to bring him down to earth. 

"Dear me, I would faint if he was really to receive us", Diana remarked and fanned herself some air. 

Arthur and Georgiana joined them and Diana started examining Arthur and asking him various questions about his wellbeing.   
Sidney observed Lady Susan heading towards Charlotte and Alison and taking them with her. He saw Alison trembling a little and Charlotte's beautiful brown eyes were widened in surprise.   
And then they were out of his view behind the curtain.

"How wonderful for Charlotte to meet the Prince Regent!", Mary exclaimed happily. 

Tom didn't seem as happy as Mary and said: "It should be us meeting him, too. Sanditon is our work and-".

"Did you forget that it was Charlotte's merit having Lady Susan last year visiting the regatta. She was fascinated by Charlotte's character and came to see her. No matter what you say Tom, we have no right to claim meeting the Prince Regent!", Sidney interrupted him with a slightly raised voice. 

Mary put her hand on his forearm to calm him while Tom laughed nervously. 

"No need to get moody, Sidney. I'm sure we will have our chance". 

Sidney shook his head in disbelief and decided to leave it be. 

After a while Lady Susan left the pedestal and unto making the musicians stop playing she said very loud: "It is my great pleasure to welcome his royal highness, the Prince Regent, to this ball. He is very exhausted from the journey and will only receive some of you. The names of the chosen ones will be read out loud and I ask you to line up in front of the pedestal and you will be asked in. I'm sorry he won't be seeing all of you but I'm sure you'll understand. Thank you and keep on dancing, please".

She went back and the names were read: the family Parker, Miss Lambe, Mr. Stringer, Lord and Lady Salisbury with their children, Lord Grasmere, Lord and Lady Stanton, Lord Carstairs and his aunt, Lord and Lady Babington, Lord and Lady Graham and their nephews.  
Diana started fanning faster when she heard their name. Slowly all the ones mentioned made their way towards the pedestal.   
Sidney wasn't sure what to expect. He wasn't nervous for himself but for Diana to faint and for Tom to speak too much. He sighed and tried to hope for the best. Mr. Stringer was standing behind him and seemed very surprised. Surely it was Susan's doing that all of Charlotte's friends were included.   
Sidney couldn't help but smile when he thought of Charlotte's happy face after seeing her friends being honoured by meeting the Prince Regent.   
Suddenly someone grabbed his arm. 

"Wonderful, now we will finally meet him and surely it will help us raise our position in high society", Eliza piped next to him. 

Of course she wouldn't let this chance pass by. It was all she ever talked about and Sidney knew that meeting the Prince Regent would make up for the whole evening. He noticed her shining eyes and her flushed face. She must be as excited as Tom, wonderful, he thought to himself more annoyed than he already was. Lord and Lady Babington were the first ones to be asked in. It took a while before they left and Mr. Stringer and Georgiana were taken in.   
Sidney wondered if the Prince would treat Georgiana respectfully or if he was as stupid as most of the ton and believed himself superior because of his white skin colour. He simply hoped the Prince wouldn't provoke Georgiana. As much as she had changed she still had her temper and if someone hurt her pride she would lash out.   
Surely Lady Susan would know how to manage such a situation if it did indeed happen. Mr. Stringer and Georgiana left smiling and Sidney was greatly relieved. It was their turn now. Tom and Mary walked in first, followed by Arthur and Diana. When he wanted to enter he was hold back.

"Excuse me, but only the Parkers are allowed in", a servant of the prince looked at Eliza and shook his head. 

Eliza lost all colour but managed to say: "I am Mr. Sidney Parker's fiancée. I'm soon yo be a Parker". 

"I am sorry, but his royal highness was very explicit about his visitors", the servant argued. 

She looked desperately at Sidney but he took her hand from his arm and said: "I can't let him wait. I'll see you later". 

"But Sidney-", she started her protest. 

He was already inside and couldn't hear the rest of her upset.

Charlotte took Alison's shaking hand into hers and composed herself to face the Prince Regent.   
Life was indeed full of surprises. Never had she imagined to be meeting royalty someday. When she travelled to Sanditon with Tom and Mary Parker she had no expectations. Now she found new friends, the love of her life and made experiences which shook her world but taught her to be less naive.   
Lady Denham had already been introduced and was sitting in the corner and fanning herself. 

"As promised my guest of honour Miss Charlotte Heywood and her sister Miss Alison Heywood, your royal highness", Lady Susan told the Prince Regent. 

Charlotte and her sister stepped in front of him, curtsied and kissed the ring on his hand which he was holding in front of their faces. 

He looked them up and down and finally said: "It's a rarity to possess beauty and bravery combined, especially as a woman. You did well and your prince won't forget it. I shall mention it to the newspaper and at court". 

Charlotte wanted to object but wasn't sure if it was appropriate to contradict royalty. She looked at Lady Susan seeking for help. 

Lady Susan only smiled and whispered to her: "You may speak to him, you know". 

"Your royal highness, I appreciate your acknowledgement yet I did not do it to receive any of it. I simply did what was right and do not wish to be treated like I did something exceptional. Should it not be rather the norm to act as I did?", Charlotte dared to speak up. 

The prince frowned and seemed to be thinking about her words. 

"In a perfect world it be the norm but you live to see that our world is far from being perfect. Yet I believe by making your act of heroism public we may animate the folk to be more like you". 

Charlotte didn't know what to reply and only nodded. 

"And what about you? Anything special you've accomplished?", the prince turned to Alison. 

"No, your royal highness, I'm only a farmer's daughter who is here to support her beloved sister's recovery", she stammered nervously. 

"Oh Alison, you are far more than that. Have you not been everyday at the site and watching the progress of the building? She's very interested in architecture", Lady Susan chipped in with that information. 

"Architecture? How odd for a woman. Yet - they are your friends Susan and you are also odd at times", the prince replied and motioned for his servant to let in the next guests. 

Charlotte and Alison were dismissed and Lady Susan whispered towards them to stay next to Lady Denham until the prince had seen all the chosen ones.   
Lord Babington and Esther entered and the Prince Regent made very polite conversation with them for he was acquainted with Lord Babington. He asked him how he had secured the heart of such a beauty and congratulated them on being parents soon. Both left to let the next guests in.

"Now this is Miss Lambe, an heiress from Antigua and this is Mr. Stringer, the foreman and architect of this town", Lady Susan informed the prince. 

He couldn't take his eyes off Georgiana and Charlotte started to feel uncomfortable. What if he said something rude?   
Georgiana and Mr. Stringer did the same with the prince's hand and waited for him to say something. 

"How do you like England, Miss Lambe?", he asked speaking very slow.

He must be under the impression that Georgiana wasn't speaking fluently English. 

"I'm warming up to it", she answered honestly. 

"Oh? And what is it that you dislike?", the prince asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"The whether: it's always raining and very cold. The racism and that people here still treat me as if I am a slave and don't belong here", again her answer was honest.

"Oh dear, if I had known that I would be dragged into a political conversation I would have sipped more of that rum", he joked but no one laughed. 

After an embarrassing silence he cleared his throat and turned to Mr. Stringer.

"And you created this place. I cannot say I have seen much of it but I may take a closer look tomorrow".

"Thank you, your royal highness". 

Both were dismissed and the Parkers were asked in.   
Charlotte could feel Tom's joy before she saw it displayed on his face. She could sense his energy and was happy for him. Despite his mistakes last year he did put a lot of work and effort into making Sanditon a seaside resort and she liked to see his doings appreciated.   
All of them greeted the prince respectfully by kissing his ring and waiting for him to address them. 

"Well, you are the ones in charge here. Well done, tomorrow I will stroll through the town and then we'll see if it's worth all the fuss". 

Tom was about to reply something but Charlotte watched Sidney step on Tom's right foot to keep him silent. 

"Thank you for offering your time, your royal highness", Sidney said calmly. 

"Though there is one question I'd like to ask: do you really believe this place to beat Brighton?".

"Yes, we do! Sanditon has its own charm which you will surely come to see tomorrow as well, your royal highness", Tom spoke hastily.

"You are very confident. Let's say I don't have high expectations", the prince replied and dismissed them with a gesture of his hand. 

Charlotte and Alison watched the remaining guests come and go. Sometimes the Prince Regent would simply greet them and then they were dismissed and sometimes he would talk to them much longer.   
When the last guests were asked in Charlotte hurried towards Lady Susan and asked a favour of her.   
She was very surprised but as Charlotte insisted on it she let her have her way. 

"He simply doesn't want to see you, now make space for the privileged", Lady Salisbury said coldly.   
So much for friendship! How embarrassing! Why was she treated in such a way? What difference did it make if she wasn't married to Sidney yet? Still, she belonged to his family and was (at least in her eyes) as much entitled to see the Prince Regent as the others!   
Surely that witch of Lady Worcester had a saying in this. Why else would the prince receive a negress and a working nobody? Oh, how she detested that woman!   
As soon as Sidney and she were married she would force him keep contact as rare as possible to avoid running into her.   
It was so unfair to be excluded and she felt tears of anger and injustice sting in her eyes.   
No! She wouldn't start crying here in front of all people.   
She chose to stand in a corner of the hall and watch from there. Observing the shrinking queue the feeling of disappointment grew more and more in her chest.  
When Sidney came out she did not walk up to him. She wanted to be alone and she was angry with him for not trying to let them make an exception for her. She was deep in thoughts when one of the prince's servants was suddenly standing in front of her and asked her to follow him. Could it truly be? Was she to be received after all?!

Lady Susan still didn't understand why Charlotte was so generous and simply a good and kind soul.   
She convinced her to ask the prince to see one last person and he accepted. He acknowledged Mrs. Campion's beauty and she seemed to float afterwards.   
During supper she heard her talk about Charlotte.

"Those village people are like savages. Of course they are used to jump into mud and drag out all sorts of things. And if the little boy wasn't obedient in the first place and went playing without his parents approval he would have deserved that lesson". 

Lady Salisbury cackled loudly upon Mrs. Campion's remark.  
Lady Susan was furious and asked Mrs. Campion to follow her for a word. 

"Do you know who made it possible for you to be received? Someone who's far more worthy than you ever will be. She actually has every reason to despise you after insulting her family and speaking ill of her. But she will always be the better woman. No matter how much you try to talk her down!", Lady Susan's smile was fake but the earnestness in her voice was real. 

Mrs. Campion laughed coldly and asked: "Who could you ever mean?".

"Miss Charlotte Heywood. She persuaded the Prince Regent to see one last person". 

Her eyes widened in disbelief and shock. 

"Miss Heywood?", she repeated with trembling lips. 

"Yes. Isn't it nice to see that even a farmer's daughter can have so much influence over royalty?", Lady Susan asked provocative. 

Of course she hid the fact that it was herself who had to speak to the prince. But it was Charlotte's idea in the first place.   
Mrs. Campion frowned and then turned away without an answer.   
Lady Susan hoped that this would do to keep her mouth shut for the next hour until everybody would leave. What an awful woman she was!   
Lady Susan noticed some sort of uproar and was soon after approached by one of the prince's servants. He asked for her and she obeyed. 

"So my dear, I'm leaving. I have been promised an apartment and I just received word that I may settle in now. How about you join me after your ball comes to an end? We can test the size of the bed together", he offered suggestively. 

"Your highness, I have two house guests who will be wondering about my whereabouts. I have to decline".

"Why so? Bring them with you and we'll surely have more fun", he said excited. 

"No! I cannot allow that!".

"Did you forget that I am the king to be and that I can command whatever I like?".


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay. Just finished a set of night shifts. Work is crazy right now. We had two pairs of preterm twins and additionally preterm triplets. I know that is what NICU is for but usually I find a few moments to write. Well, this time I didn't 😅
> 
> Thank you for your patience and for still being interested in this story.  
> Lots of love ❤❤❤

"You know my rules", Lady Susan said resolutely. 

"That I do. Anyway, I'm too exhausted today. I'll see you tomorrow", the prince replied and stepped forward to kiss her on her cheek. 

After he left Lady Susan made her way back into the hall.  
She was young and naive when she had met the prince the first time. They became friends first though his compliments and his sweet-talk soon made her believe to be in love with him.  
She gave him whatever he asked. But as years went on she came to see his faults and that she had never been truly in love with him.  
She was fascinated by the power he had over people and by the way he was treated by everybody - but fascination wasn't love.  
And seeing how he had treated and was still treating his wife she was angry with herself for not doing more in that regard. She dropped remarks every now and then but he would change the topic of discussion or would simply ask her to leave.  
Now that she had secured her position in society Lady Susan couldn't risk to lose it again. There were too many projects she needed to finish to let that happen. So she let him visit her frequently or visited him whenever he asked.  
Thankfully there were others he liked to share bed with which spared her being too often with him.  
He wasn't a bad lover at all and she truly cared for him - only his fantasy of more than one woman in his bed was annoying. She made it clear to him from the start that she wouldn't want to be part of such activities. He accepted her choice yet always tried to bring it up again. She hoped that his visit in Sanditon would be a short one. Her mind was too occupied with Charlotte's health and love life. She had no time to bring pleasure to her prince.  
Once she spotted Charlotte she noticed her flushed cheeks and remembered that Dr. Fuchs had ordered to seek fresh air frequently. 

"Charlotte dear, I think it's time for you to step out and refill your lung with fresh air", she whispered to Charlotte when she came to stand next to her. 

"I suppose you're right. I wouldn't want to relive the previous incident", Charlotte replied.

"Would you like me to accompany you? Or shall I fetch Alison?".

"No, I'm sure the solitude will serve me well. I'll see you later", Charlotte squeezed her hand and headed to the door. 

Lady Susan smiled to herself when she saw who followed her almost instantly. Her eyes wandered through the room and stayed fixed on a pale figure in the corner. Mrs. C was standing alone and seemed deep in thoughts.  
At least she was far away from Sidney so he could enjoy himself.  
Lady Susan was still hopeful that somehow they would manage to get rid of Mrs. C and Sidney and Charlotte would finally be reunited forever.  
Although supper was over all guests were still present and some were even on the dancefloor.  
Alison was dancing with Lady Salisbury's son Andrew. One look at her told Susan that she wasn't at all amused to see him dancing with her. Georgiana was dancing with one of Lord Graham's nephews and didn't look too impressed. 

"We are friends now, are we not, Miss Heywood?", Daniela asked anxiously. 

"Yes, of course. If you wish to be my friend", Miss Heywood answered smiling. 

"Of course I wish to be your friend! You must call me Daniela then".

"And I am Charlotte".

Daniela took Charlotte's hand and squeezed her. Alison Heywood and Georgiana Lambe who were standing with them smiled at her.

"I hope to find you still here this summer when I come back for my swimming lessons", Daniela stated. 

"I cannot say at the moment. It depends on my recovery. I know my family cannot spare me forever", Charlotte replied frowning. 

"I want you to recover as soon as possible - but I also wish to spend the summer with you. Charlotte, I feel like for the first there is someone who is more like me. My mother's friends all have daughters but I consider none of them my friend. Most of them just talk to me to get to my brother. Lord knows why, he's considered to be an eligible bachelor. I simply consider him annoying".

Charlotte giggled and said: "That is what most brothers are. But we still do love them and they do love us".

"Little sister! You haven't introduced me to your charming new friends have you?", her brother's voice called behind her. 

She rolled her eyes and said: "Speaking of the devil".

"Dani, I'm shocked. Why would you call me a devil?", he asked in fake shock. 

"Ladies, this is my annoying older brother Andrew. Andrew, these are Miss Charlotte Heywood, Miss Alison Heywood and Miss Georgiana Lambe", she made the introduction in defeat. 

He wouldn't go away anyway. He took each of the ladies' hand and kissed one after the other. 

"I don't want to interrupt your conversation about annoying brothers but I need to keep you company for a while", Andrew announced. 

"Why so? You never care for my friends".

"Usually I don't. This time I know that mother doesn't approve of the ones you made right now and you know it is my vocation to vex her", he confessed winking. 

"Andrew! This is childish. We want our privacy and do not wish to be part of your game!", Daniela chided him.

"Oh, I believe you would want to be part of this game if you knew what she said about your new friends", he said smirking.

Daniela felt a cold shower wash over her. 

"What did she say?!", Miss Lambe asked defensively. 

"She and her friend Mrs. Campion only call you savages. And that it is a shame her daughter is to be seen with such people", Andrew disclosed casually. 

"I'm going to kill her! That witch! How dare she?!", Miss Lambe reacted with rage. 

"Georgiana, it will do no good to be angry. Let her be. Ignore her. If you pay her attention she will keep on vexing you", Charlotte tried to calm Miss Lambe down.

"I'm in. How do we play this game of yours?", Miss Lambe asked Andrew.

He chuckled and explained: "We simply have fun together. We smile and laugh and dance. That should do the trick". 

"What are you waiting for?", Miss Lambe asked him challenging. 

"I like your spirit. So, who wants to hear some jokes?". 

And so her brother took the group of ladies by storm. Daniela had to admit that he was very funny if he wanted to be. She noticed him looking very often at Alison Heywood.  
Perhaps this whole game served two purposes. Her mother would surely go off if she learned that her son was developing an interest in a village girl with no fortune and no title.  
Soon after he announced it's time to dance. He asked Alison Heywood and she shyly accepted. Lord Graham's nephews (friends of him) were asked to dance with Miss Lambe and herself. That was another brilliant idea of him because her mother indeed disliked both of them too. Their lack of fortune made them not worthy her attention. And she believed them to be childish which indeed they were.  
Charlotte stayed behind for she wasn't allowed to dance any more dances after her coughing fit. Daniela felt sorry for her. She looked so good on the dancefloor with Sidney Parker and now she was forbidden to dance - at a ball. Daniela decided to dance only one dance and then go back to her and keep her company. 

There she was. Dancing with this very elegant gentleman and smiling warmly at him. They looked very good together and at ease with each other.  
That's it, you missed your chance, James told himself.  
He had lost her to someone else. Right now she was actually laughing with him.  
Did this man even know her? Her interest in architecture? Her kind and loving nature? Her sisterly affection for Charlotte and her loyalty to her family? Her altruistic attitude?  
And what did she know about that gentleman at all? She had just met him this evening and now she was laughing and smiling on the dancefloor like he was all she had been waiting for.  
James noticed some guests making the same observation about Alison and that gentleman enjoying each others company far too much. One lady in particular was furious about the sight of them and a gentleman to her side tried to calm her down.  
James didn't want to watch Alison anymore. It wasn't right if she decided to accept someone else courting her. She was better off without him anyway. Nothing changed, he still had nothing to offer except his love and that wouldn't be enough. 

She knew that he would follow her as soon as she stepped outside into the cool air. She took deep breaths - in and out - her eyes closed. Soon enough the salty air mixed with his cologne and her heart started beating faster while her body was covered in goosebumps. 

"You must be freezing!", his deep voice whispered into the night.

She opened her eyes and looked at him smiling. 

"No, I'm fine".

"You're having goosebumps and it is cold indeed", Sidney insisted while taking off his tailcoat. 

He stepped closer to her and put the tailcoat around her shoulders. The warmth radiating from the coat in combination with his odour made her almost dizzy.  
This man had far too much power over her body than was appropriate in their situation.  
His eyes dark and warm didn't diverge from hers. He took her hand and intertwined her with his. 

"I miss you so much, Charlotte. You are already my constant companion in my mind and my dreams - but I miss this right now. Holding your hand, seeing your smile, feeling your warmth. When will this nightmare be finally over?", he remarked desperately. 

Charlotte looked away and didn't comment on that. How many times did she have to tell him to diminish his hope? He should be trying to accept the fact that Mrs. Campion would be his wife soon instead of hoping for a miracle. It hurt all the more to know that he wasn't happy with it. If she had to let him go she would have preferred to see him at least happy.  
Now she had to accept that both of them would be miserable. 

"I know what you are thinking", Sidney interrupted her thoughts. "I will not give you ...us up. It may be selfish but after believing for most of my life that I'm not worthy of love and acting in that way I will not go back. I want to be loved by you, I want you to let me love you. I want to share every second of my life with you. I cannot let you go and as long as I'm not married to her I refuse to lose hope".

"Do you really believe something significant changes during the next six to seven weeks?! I'm just asking you to open up to the idea. I don't want you to be disappointed again". 

"I won't be disappointed because we will somehow work it out. Anyway, I'm curious to know why you arranged for Eliza to meet the Prince Regent? She has done nothing to deserve that act of kindness from you!". 

"It wasn't fair to exclude her either. She is to be your wife and that makes her a member of your family. Whether you like it or not. And ...and I saved you from a horrible carriage ride back to London. She would have been in a very foul mood and I couldn't bear the thought of you being stuck with her in a carriage for hours and exposed to her mood", Charlotte explained and squeezed his hand. 

Sidney looked even more tender at her.

"So you did it mainly for me?", he whispered with a hoarse voice. 

The intensity of his look made Charlotte speechless and she only nodded. 

"I truly don't deserve you. Always looking out for others and never putting yourself first. I love you Charlotte Heywood and someday I will make you my wife!", he proclaimed, his voice shaking with emotion. 

Charlotte was aware that she shouldn't enjoy this moment as much as she did. For God's sake he was engaged to another woman!  
But she couldn't help the butterflies fluttering in her stomach and the goosebumps intensifying. She closed her eyes again and enjoyed every sensation of this moment: his tailcoat around her shoulders still providing her warmth and safety, his scent so masculine, his hand intertwined with hers and his thumb caressing the back of her hand, his declaration and proposal spoken so softly still echoing in the salty air. All she wanted to do was to flee into his arms and let him hold her forever. Her heart was in flames when he was around her.  
She was about to open her eyes and take his handsome face in, when she felt warm lips on her forehead.  
The sensation made her sigh and lose her reservation. Right now in their bubble aloof from the rest of the world she just needed him to hold her. She let go of his hand and put her arms around his waist. Sidney stopped the kiss and smiled down at her. She rested her head on his chest - listening to his heartbeat. He planted kisses on her hair. 

"Sidney, I wish we could stay like this forever", she confessed whispering while a few tears started to escape her eyes.

"My love, I promise you that we will have all of it. *What value will there ever be in life if we are not together?*", he whispered back and embraced her more tightly. 

She wanted to believe him yet she knew that his promise was vague. Too many persons were already entangled in this mess and neither Charlotte nor he would love to see anyone of them suffering. Charlotte was convinced that both of them needed to find value in life without being together, otherwise they would never see a happy day again. 

"I just want you to be happy", she whispered into his chest.

Sidney placed his fingers under her chin to make her look up at him. When he saw the tears on her face he started to wipe them away with his thumb while his own eyes glistened with threatening tears. 

"Don't you know, my love, you are my happiness. There is no other place in this world for me than next to you". 

He leaned down, his eyes fixed on her lips now. This time she wouldn't hold him back. She loved him with all her being and craved his kiss. His lips just touched hers when someone called his name.  
Both jumped suddenly apart and tried to compose themselves.  
Tom and Mary stepped out of the building and headed towards them. Mary's eyes rested on Charlotte's burning cheeks.  
How could she lose control over herself? What if someone caught them kissing passionately? Her and his reputation would have been ruined and Mrs. Campion would have withdrawn from marrying Sidney. He was still standing in front of her with clenched jaw and hands formed to fists. 

"Tom, what is the matter?", he asked through gritted teeth. 

"Oh Charlotte, you are also here. Sidney, Eliza doesn't feel well and wishes to be taken to the hotel by you. She doesn't look good at all, she is very pale. You need to look better out for her, Sidney! We cannot lose her investment. Let's go before she feels neglected. What are you doing out here anyway? Well, it doesn't matter now. Make haste!", Tom spoke hurriedly.

"We offered to accompany her but she insists on your presence. I'm sorry, Sidney", Mary said with a low voice. 

Sidney sighed and turned to Tom.

"Where is she now?".

"She's waiting for you inside. I had the footman bring your hat, coat and cane".

Charlotte watched Sidney's shoulders drop in defeat. He looked back at her but didn't smile. His eyes looked like he was empty inside - no emotions, no volition, no soul. It was like Tom sucked out the life of him and Charlotte started to feel worried. Mary put her hand on her forearm and squeezed her gently.  
When Charlotte looked into Mary's face all she could see was guilt and sadness. 

Sidney was already walking towards his brother when Mary called him back: "Your tailcoat, Sidney!". 

He turned around and came back, looking tortured at Charlotte for he didn't want to leave her side.  
Gently he pulled his tailcoat from her shoulders. Once being robbed of his warmth Charlotte started shivering slightly and Mary put her arm around her. 

"Let's get you inside, shall we?", Mary suggested. 

Charlotte only nodded and the ladies walked behind the gentlemen into the building again.  
Tom asked Sidney about how to make the best impression on the Prince Regent tomorrow during the tour through town. She heard Sidney answer half heartedly and trying to make Tom stop talking.  
Then he headed straight to Mrs. Campion and soon after they left the ball.  
It was like one of her nightmares. Everytime she came close to Sidney he would be dragged away from her. Only this time it was the bitter reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *What value will there ever be in life if we are not together* is a quote of Thomas Lefroy speaking to Jane Austen ('Becoming Jane').


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately I can't take the credit for being a NICU nurse, I'm only the doctor (resident). But you are absolutely right: they are incredible and I learned more from them than the doctors. Plus back in 1991 they saved my life for I am a preterm too (32 weeks). 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for your support and your patience. I know the story is dragging on but I believe the HEA will be all the sweeter after all 😉  
> ❤❤❤

She looked very pale indeed and didn't speak a word which was unlike her. 

Sidney felt obliged to ask: "Eliza? What is wrong?".

"Nothing. I'm just exhausted", she answered without looking into his face. 

He didn't push her to tell why she was so pale. Surely there must be another reason. He didn't want to care too much for it felt like betraying Charlotte. Yet Charlotte would expect him to be a better man and care. He sighed and turned away looking out of the window. The darkness outside resembled the sadness inside of him. It was very exhausting to keep hoping for a miracle but he couldn't help it. He would never be happy with the woman sitting in front of him. Once he felt attracted to her - and now just the touch of her hands made him shiver in disgust. She was still pretty yet her rotten character made even the slightest idea of being married to her unbearable. He'd rather push his luck and keep looking for another way to save Sanditon and be with Charlotte.   
Today had been a good start. He hadn't spoken to Tom yet about the numbers. After dropping Eliza at the hotel he would go to Trafalgar House and stay there. The children would be very happy to see him in the morning. He smiled to himself at the thought of the children's cheer.   
And from the children his thoughts wandered to Charlotte. His love for her was unlimited and he couldn't wait to finally make her his wife. Waking up next to her every morning, spending the day together, enjoying every meal of the day in each other's company and falling asleep next to her every night. That was what happiness meant to him. He could still feel the touch of her lips on his. It was only a second and yet it filled his heart with joy.   
Finally the carriage stopped and Sidney jumped out to help Eliza descend. She took his hand and when she came to stand next to him she went down to the ground. Sidney reacted quickly and managed to catch her before her head could hit the ground. He picked her up and carried her into the hotel.   
Why would she faint? Was she sick or indeed simply exhausted as she had told him?   
The owner showed him Eliza's room and Sidney laid her down on her bed. She still didn't move or open her eyes. He took the water from the dresser and spread a few drops on her face. Slowly she moved her hand and turned her face to him before opening her eyes. 

"Sidney? What happened?", she asked seeming confused. 

"You fainted and I got you up here. How do you feel now?".

"Dizzy. And ...can you get me some water?".

"Of course", he handed her a glass of water and she took it eagerly. 

After emptying the glass she sat up and put one hand on her forehead. 

"I'm still dizzy. Can you stay a little longer until I feel better?", Eliza asked pleading. 

Actually he was eager to get home and talk to Tom and then go to sleep. But he couldn't leave her alone now that she didn't feel well. He poured her another glass of water and forced a smile. 

"I believe I can spare a few more minutes. If you don't feel well enough I can still fetch the doctor?", he offered.

"Oh no, that won't be necessary! I'm sure I'll feel better after drinking another glass of water", Eliza replied. 

She sipped the water slowly and Sidney observed her closely. The colour was returning to her face. 

"You already look much better. I hope you are not getting sick. We can't travel back to London while you're sick". 

Truth be told he welcomed any delay of their return to London. It would possibly mean more moments with Charlotte. 

"Don't you worry, Sidney. Even if I was dying nothing would hold me back to stay in this sandpit a second longer than necessary", she spat. 

"I see, your spitefulness has returned which means your wellbeing must be restored again. I'll leave then", he was already turning towards the door. 

"No! You can't! I need a favour of you", Eliza shouted and came to stand.

He looked back at her and raised his eyebrow questioning.

"I need you to open the first buttons of my dress. I didn't bring my lady's maid with me, you remember?".

"I don't think that's a good idea. I'll go fetch for a maid here to help you", he objected. 

"No! It'll take too long and I just want to get into my bed as soon as possible. Please, it won't take long and I can manage the other buttons".

Sidney decided to do as asked to get sooner rid of her. He approached her and she showed him her back. He started to unbutton her dress when she suddenly turned around and pressed her lips on his.   
It took a few seconds for him to realise what had happened. When he finally did, he stepped back and wiped his lips. 

"Damn it, Eliza! What do you think you are doing?!".

"Oh my, I didn't know you to be that chaste. You weren't the first time we were engaged!".

"I learned from my mistakes. Never kiss until you are really married!", he lied for he had already kissed Charlotte without being married to her.

"Oh please, we are both adults and can do whatever we like. We will be married soon enough so I might as well ask kisses of you now".

"No, you don't! Never try again. I'm serious, Eliza. Don't touch me again", he said furiously. 

"If you're afraid of losing control over yourself, don't be. You already know that you won't have a virgin on your wedding night. So, we might as well have some fun before", Eliza tried to sound seductive but it had rather the opposite effect on Sidney. 

"Surely not! I'll see you tomorrow", he replied and rushed out of the room. 

While he had planned to have the taste of Charlotte's lips on his for as long as possible Eliza had now ruined everything.   
He felt like she was invading all of his body and he needed to wash her away. Before he got into the carriage he told the driver to stop at the beach. The cold salty water would surely be enough to get himself cleaned up completely and to wash her venom away. 

At least he believed her faint. She was pretty proud of her stagecraft. She had risked to bump her head with the ground but she knew Sidney wouldn't let that happen. What she didn't know was that he would react to the kiss as he did. It was part of her plan of making him show his true love for her instead of hiding it as he did. Yet it backfired. She wondered why because she had heard rumours that he wasn't as chaste as he presented himself minutes ago. She had heard that he and his friends were frequent guests in a boarding house of ill repute. Why would he not let her touch him? Was he simply sentimental and wanted the wedding night to be their first time to touch as husband and wife?   
She kept wondering while taking her dress off.   
What an evening it was. First the disappointment of celebrating the farm mouse, then Sidney's awkward dances with herself, then the highlight: the arrival of the Prince Regent. Again disappointment for not seeing her and afterwards relief for changing his mind. He was very charming. Sidney should take a leaf out of the prince's book how to charm women.   
She felt so light and happy after meeting him (the prince) and then Lady Susan had to ruin it all. Why would the country girl care about her? Why being so kind? Eliza didn't want to receive kindness or a favour from someone she disliked so much. It made her sick to the stomach. And she believed her to have only done it in order to appear more like a saint everyone believed her to be. Or perhaps she thought by being kind to her she would have easily access to Sidney. Eliza would not let that happen. Never! 

Charlotte and Alison both fell asleep in the carriage although it was only a short ride to their apartment. Lady Susan watched the girls sleeping and couldn't help but smile. They did so well today. Even managed to win some hearts of people she hadn't expected.   
Hopefully all the work would pay off and Sanditon could be saved without that snake. Tomorrow she would meet with Sidney to go through the numbers and see how much money was still needed. And then they would take the prince on tour through the town. His presence would surely attract more visitors to Sanditon. She was curious to hear his opinion on the town. It would be an interesting day - but first of all she needed a bath to relax and sleep well.   
When they arrived she woke Charlotte and Alison gently up. Both went immediately up to their rooms.   
Lady Susan enjoyed the warm water on her skin and fell fast asleep soon after laying down on her bed.   
When she woke up after hours later she felt relaxed and relieved that the ball was finally over.   
After calling for her lady's maid she got ready and went for breakfast. She entered the room and found Sidney standing in one corner.   
He was wearing fresh clothes but he didn't bother to shave. The dark circles under his eyes told her all she needed to know. 

"Good morning, Sidney. Couldn't get any sleep at night?", she greeted him. 

"Unfortunately not. I made a rather unpleasant experience after the ball".

"Oh? And what kind of experience are speaking of?", she asked intrigued. 

"She kissed me", Sidney whispered in shame. 

Lady Susan wrinkled her nose.

"That is unpleasant indeed. But how come?".

"Actually I'm too ashamed to speak of it. I should have known that she would trick me into something. Lady Susan, my despair grows by the hour. I cannot bear the thought of being married to her, chained to her. We need to find a way out rather sooner than later". 

"My dear Sidney, don't you worry. I'm on it. I told you that I might have a lead. We still have a few weeks time. All will be well", she tried to calm him down despite feeling nervous herself. 

She still had no word of the men she had engaged to track down Mrs. C's solicitor. And although she had a feeling that he would be very useful to get rid of her, there was also a little bit of doubt. What if it was a dead end and she had nothing to make Mrs. C back down and set Sidney free?   
Well, if that was the case she would have to talk her out of it, perhaps even bribe her. Usually Lady Susan would never use such methods but in this case she believed them to be justified. 

"Tell me about the other matter, did the evening at least pay off financially?", she changed the topic. 

Sidney was pacing the room and scratched his head. 

"Yes, we have many guests who booked apartments for this summer. Almost all apartments are booked up. And Lord Grasmere made a generous donation as did the family of Lord Graham. The Salisbury's want to come back too, at least the children and the father. So all in all it was successful yet there is still a way to go", Sidney replied. 

"Let's hope the tour today is bringing things forward". 

A knock on the door announced Charlotte and Alison. Sidney looked at her in despair and when the girls entered he couldn't even look them in the eyes. 

"Misses Heywood, I was already on my way out. Good day to you", he said curtly and then escaped the room as fast as he could. 

She saw Charlotte and Alison exchanging a look and then sitting down. 

"Excuse me, I forgot to speak to Sidney about something very important. I'll be right back", Lady Susan said while standing up. 

She caught him at the front door. 

"Sidney, a word of advice: tell her yourself! Mrs. Campion is the kind of woman to rub it into Charlotte's face if she received any caresses from you. She needs you to tell her. Otherwise you might lose her trust forever. She will be off to the cliffs in an hour for her session. You should meet her there and talk to her".

Sidney looked tortured. 

"What if she doesn't believe me?".

"Then make her. Everytime after seeing you she would declare that it would be better to keep her distance to you - and then you show up and she forgets everything and simply enjoys being with you. Just ask yourself what Charlotte would do if it was the other way round".

Lady Susan smiled at him and then went inside again. 

Charlotte still felt flushed from seeing Sidney. He looked so ruggedly handsome with unshaven face although the dark circles under his eyes were darker than usual. Did he have a rough night? Was Mrs. Campion well or did something happen?   
And why didn't he look at her properly? And how he addressed her and Alison was also unusual. Amongst friends he called them 'Charlotte and Alison' and not Miss Heywood.   
Something was going on and she needed to find out what it was.   
She sighed and sipped on her tea. Her night wasn't nice as well. She relived the last moments with Sidney at the ball and everytime he was dragged away by someone else: Mrs. Campion, Tom and (much to her surprise) Lady Susan.   
She had muffled her tears in her cushions to avoid anyone waking up. These were her own demons and she needed to deal with them on her own!

"Is Sidney alright? He seemed a bit distracted", Alison asked when Lady Susan came back. 

"Did he? Perhaps he's just excited for the tour with the prince. His family's work will be shown off and they surely wish to leave a good impression on the prince". 

Charlotte didn't believe Lady Susan's explanation but let it be.   
After the breakfast Alison offered Charlotte to accompany her to the clifftop but Lady Susan asked for Alison's company while preparing for the tour. Charlotte wondered why she would need Alison but she had learned that Lady Susan never did something without having a plan.   
So she got into the carriage and took the ride to the cliffs. As soon as she felt the wind surrounding her she could feel her heartbeat slowing down. This was peace. The salty air and the arrival of a horse.   
Arrival of a horse? She turned to see who it was and wasn't really surprised to see Sidney. He dismounted his horse hurriedly and rushed towards her. 

"I need to talk to you", he said roughly and dragged her away from the carriage. 

"What is going on? You are scaring me, Sidney! What happened?", Charlotte asked him fearing the answer. 

He didn't answer and continued walking. 

"Sidney! Please, stop! What is wrong?!", she pulled her forearm away from his hand and stopped. 

He stopped too and turned around to face her. For the first time today he looked into her eyes. She saw guilt and anger and fear. 

"Sidney, you know that you can tell me everything, don't you? You can trust me whatever it is". 

He sighed and took her hands in his. He kissed them softly and his eyes filled with tears. Charlotte felt like reliving a moment of her life she had wished to forget. The day he told her he was engaged to Mrs. Campion.   
Did he change his mind? Was he finally accepting that there was no way for them to be together?  
Despite telling Sidney over and over to deal with this reality of them she felt her heart break again. 

"And you must know I love you and I always will. Last night I brought Eliza to the hotel...and then...well, she kissed me. I told her immediately to never touch me again. I was so upset, I couldn't sleep at all". 

Charlotte swallowed hard and bit her lower lip to keep the tears inside.   
What was she expecting? Of course Mrs. Campion would at some point try to seek Sidney's proximity. 

"I understand", she managed to say before she extricated her hands from Sidney's.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry for the delay 😔

"No, you don't!", Sidney shouted behind her. "I never meant for it to happen. Please, forgive me!".

"There is nothing to forgive. The kiss is a consequence of your engagement. We both knew that this was going to happen sooner or later".

"I never signed up for THIS!".

"You are joking, right? What did you believe would happen after you ran off and engaged yourself to her?!", Charlotte replied in an angry tone. 

Sidney had only once seen her as furious as she was now: the day they shouted at each other on the street after sending Otis back to London.   
Now it sounded as if Charlotte was criticising the way he had handled things last year after the fire. 

"I engaged myself to her because there was no other way", he said defensively. 

"Yes, and now you have to live with the consequence of your decision. As do I", speaking the last sentence her voice broke away and he saw tears streaming down her face.

"Charlotte. I didn't want to hurt you. I told you because you would expect me be to be honest, would you not?", he explained while stepping closer to her. 

She stepped back. 

"Of course I expect honesty from you!".

"I'm sorry. You -", he began to say when Charlotte interrupted him. 

"Don't be. I don't need your pity. I'll be fine. Now please leave me alone", her tone was cold and distant.

"Is that really what you want? I have to travel back this early afternoon. And I don't know when I'll be back", he tried to change her mind.

"The earlier we part the better. This is how our future will look like. Separated", Charlotte said turning away from him. 

"Hopefully not! Charlotte, if I didn't care for Tom and my family at all I would make you face me and then kiss you senseless. Afterwards I would take the carriage and run away with you to Scotland to marry you as soon as possible and then we would head to Antigua. You'll love the beaches and the diversity there. Our honeymoon would be-".

"Stop it! You DO care for your family and I love that about you. So please, stop dreaming and fantasizing about an impossible version of our lives. Please, go and never speak of this again. Indeed this is what really hurts - you going on and on about a life we won't have", Charlotte intervened and more tears escaped her eyes. 

"Charlotte, you'll see-".

"Sidney, please!", she pleaded and the way she said his name made him obey. 

She walked ahead and looked so fragile from behind and Sidney yearned to take all the pain from her. Despite his desire to comfort her he stayed away for he respected Charlotte's wishes. He made his way back to town with a heavy heart.

"There you are! I was afraid you'd miss the tour", Lady Susan greeted Charlotte as soon as she appeared in the drawing room. 

"Oh the tour. I forgot about that", Charlotte confessed. 

Lady Susan frowned and wondered what had transpired between her and Sidney. 

"Are you alright, my dear?", she asked her.

"Yes, I am fine. I'll quickly freshen up and then join you".

After she left the room Alison turned to Lady Susan. 

"She's definitely not fine! You kept me here to give Sidney and Charlotte a private moment. Do you think he didn't meet her?", she asked Lady Susan alarmed. 

"I believe he showed up but their conversation might not have taken the direction I had hoped", she sighed. 

"Well, I hope they'll figure it out before he leaves again", Alison said hopeful. 

Lady Susan smiled in agreement and both kept waiting for Charlotte.   
When she came back both noticed her red eyes. She had been crying but carried a determined smile on her face. 

"Let's make the Prince Regent fall in love with Sanditon, shall we?", she said and left the apartment ahead of them. 

Lady Susan and Alison again exchanged glances. This time surprised and slightly confused ones.   
They met the prince on Sanditon's main street. Tom and Mary Parker were already present and had been waiting half an hour for everyone to meet for Tom was too excited to wait at home as Mary told them.   
When the prince invited Lady Susan and the girls to ride with him in his barouche Charlotte and Alison were stunned. Lady Susan had to suppress a laughter. It was very satisfying for her to see how the girls reacted even to the smallest amount of generosity.   
All of them got in and the tour started. Tom and Mary drove ahead and every now and then Tom would poke out of his carriage and shout snippets of information towards them. The prince seemed to enjoy the ride. 

"This is very fine work. The architect is very talented. I might be in need of his skills someday", the prince mused after seeing most of Sanditon's buildings. 

"Oh that would be wonderful, your royal highness! Actually Mr. Stringer dreams of planning a whole town on his own someday", Charlotte remarked enthusiastically. 

"He does? Mhh, good to know then", the prince replied smiling. 

Lady Susan turned around to look who was following them because of course there would be plenty of people to follow the prince and his tour through Sanditon. She spotted Sidney and the hideous Mrs. Campion in his phaeton closely behind them. And behind Sidney she recognized the carriage of the Salisburys. The rest behind the Salisburys was too far away to be identified.   
They reached the beach and Tom Parker proudly presented his bathing machines. He explained how they worked and even asked Charlotte to explain her experience with the bathing machine. 

"I think I might come back later before my departure and take a dip in the sea", he announced loudly. 

Lady Susan hoped that he would keep his word and truly come back for she knew that all the ones who had been following them would be later here too. And they would try and swim too if he did.   
They kept strolling on the beach soon joined by the ones who had been driving behind them.   
Much to Lady Susan's discomfort she noticed that Mrs. Campion wasn't letting go of Sidney's arm. She was clinging to him like a parasite. Unfortunately Charlotte had noticed too.   
Lady Susan saw clearly how Charlotte suffered seeing them so close together despite trying to seem strong and unaffected.   
She needed to find out what had happened earlier and left the prince with Charlotte, Alison, Tom and Mary Parker.   
She approached Sidney and greeted him and his viper politely. 

"Mr. Parker, I was wondering if I could have a word with you. Alone", she asked.

He was about to open his mouth and answer when Mrs. Campion pulled his arm tighter to her body. 

"No, he can't. I'm still quite dizzy and weak on my feet. You must know I fainted yesterday", Mrs. Campion piped.

"Oh did you?! You poor thing. But I wonder, if you are really as unwell as you say ...why are you even here?", Lady Susan countered sarcastically. 

Mrs. Campion showed her a fake smile. 

"I couldn't miss the prince. Not all of us see him as frequently as you do, Lady Worcester", she replied coldly. 

"Sidney, I hope you manage to say goodbye before you leave later", Lady Susan chose to ignore Mrs. Campion and went back to the prince. 

After the stroll they rode to Lady Denham's for she had invited him yesterday at the ball to come today. When they passed the clifftop he made his driver stop to take in the beauty of the place. 

"Very charming indeed", he mumbled before asking his driver to continue. 

The tour at Lady Denham's was very amusing because of the banter between Lady Denham and Lady Babington. 

"Her temper is as fiery as the colour of her hair", the prince remarked after their visit. "Babington is a lucky devil for having such a wife". 

"They complement one another very well. It's a perfect match", Lady Susan agreed. 

"Will you join me for tea ...alone?", the prince asked low. 

"My guests need my attention. One of them isn't feeling well and I need to take care of her", she whispered. 

"Well Susan, I never believed you to be the motherly type of woman but it's very alluring to see you caring for some girls so much".

"These are my friends and not some girls", she snapped. 

He simply smiled, took her hand and kissed her. "Don't forget to visit me as soon as you are in London, my dear", he stated and let go of her hand. 

They had arrived at their apartment and were dismissed. Charlotte excused herself and headed straight to her bedroom to rest. 

"I don't know how to help her. She was fine during the tour until Sidney appeared", Alison commented. 

"Not Sidney. It was that beast which made Charlotte feel bad. I asked Sidney to stop by and say goodbye. I hope he is able to escape from that witch for a few minutes".

He came - but was in haste.   
"I'm sorry, she's waiting in the carriage outside and I don't have much time. I hope to hear from you soon, Lady Susan", he said and kissed her hand. 

Then he turned to Alison. 

"Alison, take good care of yourself and Charlotte. If you need anything let me know. I hope to see you soon again", her hand also received a kiss from him. 

"Wait, I'll go and fetch Charlotte", she offered.

But he shook his head and smiled sadly. 

"She asked me to leave her alone. If you love someone you do as they ask you ...even if you hurt yourself by doing so".

And then he was gone. 

"It just pains me to see both of them so much in love with each other but having no choice than being separated", Alison admitted with tears in her eyes.

"I promise you I'll find a way to reunite your sister with him!". 

Somehow she was deeply disappointed that Sidney did find a way to say goodbye before he left for London but that he had chosen to avoid her. She was shocked to hear from Lady Susan and Alison that Sidney had been there during her nap.  
Yes, she had asked him to leave her alone, but as much as she tried to give up on the fantasy of being reunited someday she couldn't help but love and miss him. The fact that he was gone now and that she probably wouldn't see him again made her heart heavy. That's it then, she thought. No more secret meetings and stolen moments together.   
The whole afternoon and evening Charlotte was very quiet. She wasn't in the mood to join the conversation between Alison and Lady Susan and her mind was in London. With him. Soon after dinner she excused herself again and went up to her room. She readied herself for bed and put on her night gown when she spotted something on her desk that wasn't there before.   
It was a seashell which was white but had a shimmering emerald green inner side. It was very beautiful. Next to it was a folded piece of paper. She opened it and read the note: 

As you are still in possession of my heart: keep on taking good care of it, my love.  
Forever yours   
Sidney

Charlotte smiled and a single teardrop escaped her eye. She pressed the paper to her chest and sighed. Though her heart still felt heavy it also seemed to swell up with love for this man.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and enjoying ❤❤❤

"Why do I need to go see him? I'm fine. Please don't make such a fuss about it", Charlotte pleaded. 

But Dr. Fuchs stayed resolute.   
"I cannot send you home still coughing. You need to see a specialist". 

"It's much better than before I came to Sanditon. Look, before the incident I was already coughing every now and then. It is nothing unusual to me", she explained and hoped that he would back up from his plan. 

"Perhaps you did. But not every day. We need to make sure you are healing properly. I'll talk to Lady Worcester and take care of all the necessary arrangements", Dr. Fuchs replied firmly. 

He left her room and Charlotte sighed heavily. She despised London and the fact that HE was there made it all the more important to stay away from that place. Hopefully her father would not give his permission and she could stay in Sanditon and enjoy the company of the little Parkers, Mary, Esther and Georgiana.   
She really felt physically well which made a trip to London unnecessary in her eyes.   
Since the ball Dr. Fuchs had called on her every day to examine her. Now on the fourth day he announced she needed to see a second doctor. She didn't feel sick at all and therefore she saw no reason to travel to London.   
Unfortunately her nightmares had intensified and sometimes she woke up and was angry with Sidney although she was aware it wasn't really his fault that he was always dragged away.   
Sometimes she hoped he would find a way to be with her and to help his family at the same time. But then she would awake and realise how foolish her wish was and she'd try to fall asleep again.   
Thankfully neither Alison nor Lady Susan had noticed her ongoing nightmares. She got very skilled at muffling her tears and screams in her cushions.   
It was still bothering her that she was emotionally so weak when it came to Sidney. She needed to forget him in order to find her happiness elsewhere. Although she was determined to make her happiness not conditional on a man. She was convinced that women could be happy without a husband. Perhaps she would be one to prove it. Even if she managed to forget Sidney it didn't mean that she would give her heart to anyone else. In fact she was quite sure that she could never love anyone as much as she loved Sidney and she wouldn't settle for less. 

"Charlotte? Do you hear me?", she was brought back to the present situation by Lady Susan. 

"Excuse me, what did you say?", Charlotte apologised.

"I asked if you'd like to take a walk with me and your sister", Lady Susan said smiling softly at her. 

"Yes, please. I'd love to".

A walk was exactly what Charlotte needed right now to clear her mind. And she would address the topic of London and hope that Lady Susan was kind enough to ignore the doctor's advice for Charlotte's own peace of mind. 

"I know that you are reluctant to go to London but I believe it's the best we can do at this point. And Dr. Fuchs seems to be really concerned. I'll inform your father and mother and if they agree we'll be off to London by the end of the week", Lady Susan started the conversation. 

"I'm sure Dr. Fuchs is exaggerating. I'm fine", Charlotte insisted. 

"Charlotte, please be reasonable. I doesn't hurt to have a specialist examine you. We just want what's best for you!", Alison joined the conversation. 

Charlotte didn't reply for it seemed she was overruled anyway. Hopefully her parents would be sensible enough to vote against London.   
They walked down the street and passed by the formerly site where Mr. Stringer was standing with Mr. Robinson.   
Both were looking up and discussing something. 

"Mr. Stringer, how very nice to see you again", Lady Susan approached him and made him blush. 

He took his hat off and bowed slightly. 

"Lady Worcester, Miss Charlotte and Miss Alison, I hope you are all well?", he greeted them politely. 

"Thank you, we are quite well. Tell me, did you enjoy the ball?", she asked him. 

"Very much, my Lady. Thank you again for inviting me". 

"Anytime. And wasn't Alison breathtakingly beautiful that evening?", Lady Susan asked him nonchalantly. 

Mr. Stringer looked at Alison and Charlotte saw for the glimpse of a second what she had witnessed in Sidney's eyes sometimes: desire. 

Mr. Stringer though composed himself and answered blushing: "I believe she was. And I'm not the only one who-".  
He stopped and shook his head slightly before saying: "Excuse me, ladies, but Mr. Parker is awaiting me. He has this new idea of adding more floors to the terrace but I don't believe Mr. Sidney Parker would approve of this idea. Good day to you". 

He moved quickly away followed by Mr. Robinson.   
Alison who looked flushed turned away and Charlotte knew that something was wrong. 

"Alison? Are you alright", she asked her cautiously. 

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?", Alison replied still looking at the shop's windows instead of facing her sister. 

Lady Susan put a hand on her shoulder. 

"It is no shame to be hurt. Truth be told I expected him to react a bit more like the lovesick man he is", Lady Susan said softly. 

Alison turned around with wide teary eyes: "Lovesick? He's already in love? That would explain why he's not interested in me". 

"Oh Alison! It's you. He's in love with you...or at least he desires you. I could clearly see it in his eyes. But for some reason he's fighting it", Charlotte explained. 

"It doesn't matter now, Charlotte. I came to Sanditon to support you and not to find me a husband. Hopefully papa and mamma will agree to let you go see the specialist", Alison tried to sound calm and composed. 

Hopefully not, Charlotte thought to herself again. 

"While we are in London I'd like to show you some of my favourite spots there. Of course there will be also gatherings where I'm expected to be but you two can stay at Melrose Place and enjoy my beloved library", Lady Susan stated. 

Alison looked at her in confusion. 

"Why both of us? I'll be returning to Willingden in a few days. I can't travel to London". 

"Ah you see, there had been a change of plan. You are coming with us and I'm just waiting for Sidney's consent to take Georgiana also with us". 

"But how so?", Alison asked still confused. 

Three weeks earlier Mr. Heywood came back from his morning chores to find a letter from Lady Susan Worcester had arrived. He opened it eager to read when his beloved girls would be back home. He missed them very much and he was still worried about Charlotte's health.   
After reading the letter he called for his wife. 

"What do you think? Is it a good idea?", he asked her after she put the letter down. 

"I trust Lady Worcester to have our girls best interest in mind. I think we should accept. Look what she has done for Tony and Sam", she tried to reason. 

He sighed and pulled out a paper to write an answer.   
His wife kissed his forehead and went back to work. 

Lady Worcester's letter said: 

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Heywood,   
I hope you and all of your family are well. Charlotte and Alison are fine. Though Charlotte still seems to struggle with her coughing. It's much better yet not gone. I wondered if you'd allow me to keep Alison a little bit longer.   
She's a very caring sister and a true source of hope for Charlotte. I would hate to see Charlotte's condition worsens after sending her back to you.   
I am aware that your in need of every help you can get on your farm which is why I dared to ask around in search for men willing to work on your farm.   
Most of the men are desperate to find a source of income after losing their previous jobs.   
If you agree to let them help on your farm I would be very happy.   
All men would be paid by my brother and me. All you would need to provide is board and lodging.  
That way the men wouldn't feel like they are receiving charity (for they are all very proud) and you also wouldn't feel like you're receiving charity from me.   
I'd say it's a win-win situation, wouldn't you agree?  
I'll be waiting for your answer most eagerly.   
Charlotte and Alison send their love and kisses to all of you.   
Yours sincerely   
Lady Susan Worcester

They had arrived two days prior to London and their mother was already driving them mad. 

"You are risking our reputation and our position in society by choosing such people as friends. I am glad we are far away from them now and that there will be no possible way to walk into them here in London. I keep wondering what I've done wrong to deserve such ungrateful children as the two of you!", Lady Salisbury chided Daniela and Andrew. 

Both looked at each other and rolled their eyes.   
It was best to not reply for it would only fuel her fury.   
The ride back from Sanditon was as unpleasant as this conversation.   
Daniela didn't understand why her mother was so vicious and snootily. Sometimes she wondered if she was really her daughter.   
She had very much enjoyed the ball and she already absolutely adored Charlotte. Her sister and Miss Lambe (or Georgiana as she was told to call her) were very nice too and they had a lot of fun dancing together. 

"Oh mamma, I just remembered that I had promised Lord Murphy to meet him for a ride and he asked me explicitly to bring Daniela with me", Andrew suddenly spoke up. 

His mother's eyes started shining brightly.

"Really? That's wonderful news. Go and change. You need to look your best when you meet Lord Murphy. Make haste, Daniela!", her mother ushered her out of the room. 

Fifteen minutes later she was sitting next to her brother in their carriage. 

"We are not really meeting that old pervert, are we?", Daniela asked her brother. 

"Daniela! I'm shocked to hear you insulting a wealthy and well respected member of society. Of course not! I just needed to escape mother", he said amused. 

His sister was relieved, so much so that she kissed him on his cheek to thank him. 

"I wish I could make him pay for what he did to you. Unfortunately he is too wealthy to achieve anything. I still can't believe mamma is thinking you made the story up. Why would any woman claim a man touched her if it wasn't the case?", he formed fists with his hands and raised his voice. 

Daniela put her hand on his forearm to calm him.   
The memory of Lord Murphy touching her breasts came back to her mind and she had to shake it off.   
It was her nineteenth birthday when she had danced with him the first time. During that dance he had brushed her fundament and she believed it to be accidentally. Later when he offered her a drink and asked her if she could accompany him to one of the balconies for fresh air she was naive enough to do so and soon regretted her decision.   
As soon as they entered the balcony he dragged her into the shadow and pressed her on a wall. Then he started putting his hands all over her body. His eyes filled with hunger. She had never felt that disgusted in her life before.   
Thankfully she grew up with a boy and knew exactly which part of him would hurt most if she aimed for it.   
When she had pressed herself closer to him he had looked surprised and pleased until a pained look took over after she pulled up her knee and hit his most sensitive part. Afterwards she ran away and walked into her brother. 

"She believes what she must believe", Daniela whispered. 

"Perhaps she does. I still hate to see that man walking around like he's innocent and having all those mothers - including ours - throwing their daughters his way simply because his wealthy. He's fifteen years your senior. Please promise me to never settle down for someone like him".

"Of course I wouldn't!". 

They arrived at Green Park and started their walk arm in arm. 

"I hope mamma keeps refusing going back to Sanditon with us. At least papa liked the place and is eager to invest and go back there. I wonder how long it will take until I'm capable of swimming", she said trying to get Lord Murphy out of her mind. 

"I'm sure Charlotte is a good teacher and you are an eager pupil. It won't take long I suppose. And perhaps we can race in the lake nearby grandmamma's estate", he commented winking. 

She laughed at the thought. 

"That would be nice ...and would surely enrage mamma".

"Which is exactly what I intend to do", Andrew smirked.

Daniela smiled back at him but it didn't last long for she saw Mrs. Campion in the distance clinging to Mr. Parker's arm. She motioned to her brother to take another direction. 

"That poor devil. I hope he'll free himself of her!", her brother said frowning. 

She looked at him and asked him: "What are you talking about?".

"Parker. His heart clearly belongs to another one but somehow he seems to stick to that wicked woman". 

She had hoped that no one else would notice it yet her perceptive brother did.   
She sighed and thought back to the ball. After the dance with Lord Graham's nephew she went outside in search of Charlotte and found her but not alone. Never had she heard a man speaking so tenderly to a woman. After hearing footsteps behind her and someone calling for Mr. Sidney Parker she hid in the shadows of a curtain nearby.   
At first she was angry with Charlotte for seducing an engaged man but after hearing their conversation and keeping in mind how cruel Mrs. Campion was she couldn't help but feel sorry for both of them.   
After asking Alison and Georgiana about Sanditon and the fire last year she soon realised that Mr. Parker must have engaged himself to that viper because of her money. For she had never heard him speak to his fiancée like he did to Charlotte.   
It was really ironic because all the young ladies in London were dreaming of "a Sidney Parker" for themselves. They meant a man who'd be willing to wait ten years for them and not give his heart away in the meantime.   
If they knew that Sidney Parker was in truth in love with a woman with no title and no wealth they would lose their minds. 

"What gave him away?", she asked her brother quietly. 

"Everything! The looks, the passionate dance and his worry for her. I don't blame him. She's perfect for him. Especially since he's back from Antigua he's not the same. I heard he engages as much as possible in charity to free slaves and fights for better working conditions for former slaves. Someone selfish as Mrs. Campion wouldn't fit into his new life". 

"Is there a way we can help? Charlotte is my friend now and I'd love to see her happy". 

Her brother frowned while thinking. 

"I cannot come up with an idea right now. But I'll keep it in mind and tell you if there is anything we can do".


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for every encouraging word and for reading ❤❤❤

"We're travelling to London!", Alison exclaimed excited after hearing her parents' answer. 

Charlotte didn't look pleased at all.

"I still dislike the idea. At least I'll have you and Georgiana with me", she sighed defeated. 

"I will take good care of you and you won't regret going, I'm sure about that!", Lady Susan tried to cheer Charlotte up. 

"I can't believe you convinced papa to have men helping on the farm instead of me returning AND now agreeing to let us accompany you to London. Usually he doesn't give in so easily", Alison confessed in awe. 

"Let's say I can be very persuasive if I need to be", Lady Susan winked. 

They continued breakfast although Charlotte seemed to have lost her appetite for Alison noticed her only drinking her tea but leaving the toast and the pastries in front of her untouched. 

"I'd like to take Georgiana with me to the clifftop if that is alright with you?", Charlotte asked looking at her and then Lady Susan. 

Alison nodded in agreement. Perhaps her anticipation of visiting London was too much for Charlotte to handle. She knew her sister's opinion of London and why she disliked going this time especially. Yet she couldn't hide her excitement and joy. She had never travelled that far and she was eager to try everything that would come her way. Just the thought of seeing all the grand buildings with her own eyes and strolling through the parks made her heartbeat accelerate.   
In order to be a good and loving sister she simply needed to take Charlotte's feeling more into account and try to hide her cheer in front of her.   
Somehow she hoped they would walk into Sidney in London for he made her sister so happy - at least as long as he was present. Afterwards she would seek solitude and Alison was sure that Charlotte cried everytime after seeing him.   
On the other hand the thought of him being in constant company of that horrible woman was too much to bear. Alison already loved him as much as a brother and only wished him well. 

"What is occupying your beautiful mind, my dear?", Lady Susan asked her. 

Alison looked up and realised that Charlotte had already left. 

"What else than my sister and Sidney?! I wish we would make some progress but it seems hopeless", Alison poured out her grief. 

"Don't despair, my dear. I hope I'll have some news upon our arrival in London. I believe Friday will be a good day to start our journey. Do you think that you'll have everything settled with Mr. Stringer until then?".

Alison blushed and shook her head. 

"You and Charlotte are mistaken. If he truly liked me he would have come to me. I suppose I'm just a good friend and not a potential bride in his eyes".

"My dear girl, men are simpletons. If they were truly brave enough to make the first steps there would be no poems, no romance novels and no heartbreaking tales", Lady Susan clarified. 

"But what about Sidney? He-".

"He also waited for Charlotte's confirmation of her feelings towards him until he made the first step. He was already quite sure about her returning his sentiment. Go to him. Otherwise you might regret it some day", Lady Susan replied in a serious tone. 

Alison was torn for she'd rather leave without speaking to him than having him reject her for sure.   
His tenderness during the ball was still sending waves of warmth through her body. The way he spoke to her, so softly, and how he was about to offer something. Now she realised it must have been friendship he would have offered. So she would part as a friend and keep her feelings to herself. This is better than losing him completely, she thought. 

The way Georgiana looked at her made Charlotte shed only more tears. 

"It will get easier at some point. You'll still feel that dull pain but it won't be like dagger thrusts into your heart", Georgiana said softly and embraced Charlotte. 

It was a very windy day and while both women stood embracing on the clifftop the sea breeze turned into a mild storm.   
Again the whether mirrored Charlotte's inner turmoil. She needed to be strong and to accept travelling to London and yet she dreaded it for she was afraid of forgetting about her decision to let Sidney go as soon as she would lay eyes on him again.   
Georgiana was perhaps the only other person who could truly understand her. She also had to let go of her love because it made sense and not because it was her heart's desire. 

"But Charlotte, I truly believe there is still hope for you two!", Georgiana shouted against the wind. 

Charlotte only shook her head and pointed to the carriage. They would need to seek shelter in there otherwise they would surely be blown away by the gale which grew stronger by the minute.   
Being seated safely in carriage they resumed their conversation. 

"Trust me, I'm positive that you'll be married by the end of the year. At least for once Sidney's stubbornness is good for something", Georgiana stated smiling. 

"Please don't, Georgiana. How would you feel if I said the same to you?", Charlotte asked weakly. 

"I'd be happy because it is my biggest wish to be reunited with Otis again. Despite his faults and mistakes he owns my heart", Georgiana replied with tears in her eyes. 

"In my case it's not Sidney's faults or mistakes that are holding me back. It's me being responsible for his family's ruin and Sanditon's downfall. He needs a wealthy wife to save everyone whenever there is money needed". 

"You're sounding snobbish, Charlotte! All Sidney needs is you. And this coming from me, you know I wouldn't say anything alike if I didn't truly believe it". 

Mrs. Heywood looked at her husband and laughed softly. 

"You think this is funny?", he asked annoyed. 

"Yes, I do. My darling husband, I do miss them too but they wouldn't have stayed with us forever anyway. They would have married and then they'd be gone. It was the right decision to let them go".

"But why to London? Madame Evil surely will be there too. Just the thought of her making Charlotte feel less than she is makes me sick. If there wasn't so much work on the farm right now I would ignore my own principles and go there myself".

"Is that what this is about?", Mrs. Heywood asked nodding towards the paper in front of him. 

She came closer and could see it was a list of pros and cons about leaving for London.   
Her husband looked worried up at her. This was one of his traits she loved the most. His devotion and unconditional love for his children. She took a seat on his lap and kissed his cheek tenderly. 

"We agreed on trusting Lady Worcester. And the report Dr. Fuchs sent us on Charlotte's current condition and her progress is very detailed. She needs to see that second doctor in London. I do miss them too but I'd rather have Charlotte back and fully recovered than being in constant alarm as soon as she coughs. Wouldn't you agree?".

He frowned and then sighed heavily. 

"Why is my wife so wise? Now I have nothing to object and I have to let it be", he said smirking. 

They kissed and embraced each other. 

"I still wish there was someone to check on her and Alison. I just want to make sure they are indeed well", he whispered into his wife's neck. 

Later that day Anne, Jonathan, Peter and Rose were playing hide and seek outside. Mrs. Heywood watched them from the kitchen window and smiled to herself. Childhood was the most precious time and she enjoyed watching her little angels grow up. She could still see Tony, Charlotte and Alison playing outside when she closed her eyes. Look at them now, she thought to herself and shook her head. She was so proud of who they had become. A few tears escaped her eyes for she did indeed miss them very much. Yet she couldn't show her husband for he would set off immediately and go fetch them. 

"Tony, I'm coming. You can't hide forever!", Jonathan giggled when Mrs. Heywood opened the door to call her children to come inside.

"Jonathan, you know your brother is in Oxford. Stop acting like he was here", she chided him. 

"He's really here, mamma! He's just the best at hiding", Rose exclaimed. 

Mrs. Heywood rolled her eyes and motioned to her children to finally come in. All of them had imaginary friends at some point but they never acted like one of them was present when he obviously wasn't.   
She ushered them in and closed the door. All sat down for dinner and started eating. 

"Tony looks a little different than when he left", Anne said suddenly. 

Mrs. Heywood sighed and sent her a warning look. 

"I told you to stop. You haven't seen him since he left months ago. How would you know how he looks now?", she asked her daughter rhetorically. 

"Perhaps she just found me hiding in a bush?", a male and well known voice asked behind her. 

Mrs. Heywood turned around and found her boy standing behind her smiling broadly. 

"You see! He's really here", Peter cheered. 

She stood up and hugged Anthony while he returned her hug and managed to lift her up her feet a bit. 

"I never believed I would say this one day: I missed you all so much! And I'm sorry I wasn't here during Charlotte's struggle. Praying for her recovery from afar was all I could do", Tony confessed. 

"No one blames you for staying away. Come over here, boy", his father said with opened arms inviting him into an embrace. 

It was good to be back home. He really did miss his family very much and yearned for the noise and the messy houshold they created when together.   
After the little ones went to bed his parents dated him up on Charlotte's and Alison's journey. His mother had more than once mentioned Sidney Parker and his help. What surprised him most was Rose speaking of nothing else than elegant ladies, Georgiana, seashells and Sidney Parker. She had the whole family in giggles when she announced proudly: "Mr. Sidney Parker is my friend and he promised to bring me sea shells...and then I'll marry him".   
What kind of gentleman was this Mr. Sidney Parker to enchant all of his sisters, his mother and even his father?  
Tony knew his father to believe that there was no man alive who could live up to his girls. Yet Mr. Heywood confessed that he wouldn't decline if Sidney finally came to ask for Charlotte's hand in marriage.   
Truth be told he was a little bit disappointed to find his sisters gone. They used to always be together and he felt their absence greatly. At least he knew they were in good care. Lady Worcester and her cousin were saints in his eyes. Never had he witnessed so much grace and generosity in wealthy people.   
If Mr. Sidney Parker was only half as good as they were he was sure he'd like him very much.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so grateful for your support and for sharing your thoughts with me.   
> Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤❤❤

James watched her walking down the street. She looked so elegant and beautiful. The way she reclined her head towards the sky to enjoy the sunshine was mesmerising. He could feel his stomach flutter again and his heart drumming a wild beat.   
Tomorrow she would leave and he already knew that he would miss her a great deal. The days after the ball had been an agony. He had seen her once on the street with Lady Worcester and Charlotte. He was so taken aback that he almost revealed his jealousy.   
Of course she looked beautiful at the ball. But he wasn't the only male guest to notice. This was what almost escaped him. Yet he wasn't ready to make a fool of himself by revealing his feelings when he clearly knew that she had no interest in sharing her life with him. That Salisbury guy would be in a better position to offer her a life she deserved.   
With him she would only be limited. No fancy carriage or dresses, no grand balls and gatherings. With him she would have to do all the chores on her own and choose amusements that would be affordable.   
James shook his head. He couldn't let that happen after seeing her being a natural among the beau monde. She was destined for more than being the wife of an aspiring architect.   
Yet he felt it was his duty to tell her how much he enjoyed her company and to part at least as friends.   
With this in mind he made his way towards her.   
She had to use her hand to shield her eyes from the sun. It was a simple gesture but standing in front of her and seeing all her beauty first hand James lost his voice. After a while Alison started the conversation. 

"Mr. Stringer, good day to you. How are you doing?", she asked him smiling. 

"Good day, Miss Alison. I'm well thank you. Are you set to leave tomorrow?", he somehow managed to stammer. 

A sad expression washed over her face and James had to cross his arms behind his back in order to not take her into an embrace instantly and comfort her.

"Yes, I am. Sanditon is a wonderful town and I hope I'll be back someday. I'm going to miss the sea and ...and all my friends here". 

"Sanditon will miss you too. Apart from your sister there aren't many visitors admiring the progress here". 

"I don't understand how they couldn't. Anyway, I was going to use the bathing machine one last time. The weather is perfect for a swim, wouldn't you agree", Alison stated smiling. 

James felt himself blush for he imagined her in the water. Enjoying the waves and the sun shining down on her. He would give his eye's teeth to be with her during that moment. 

"Yes, I believe it is", he said after clearing his throat. 

Before he could think of anything more inappropriate he decided to take his leave: "I actually approached you to bid you farewell. You'll be leaving very early in the morning and I wouldn't want to disturb you". 

"Oh", Alison whispered. "Well then, Mr. Stringer. It was very nice to make your acquaintance and I learned a lot from you. I hope we will remain...friends?".

"This is exactly what I was hoping for", James replied. 

"Is it? So you're offering your friendship?", Alison asked him and gave him a meaningful look which he couldn't interpret. 

"Yes, I do", he nodded confused. 

"I hope you find your happiness, Mr. Stringer!", Alison said now and rushed away. 

"Thank you", he whispered into the wind after she was gone. 

What was this about? She seemed almost insulted. But why?   
He couldn't find a sensible answer to that and decided to leave it be. He had to go to Lady Worcester's to see Charlotte a last time and wish her a lot of luck in reuniting with Sidney Parker. 

"Ah Mr. Stringer! What a welcome surprise. Though I fear you missed Alison just by a few minutes", Lady Susan invited him into the drawing room. 

"I have just met her and came to bid farewell. Is Miss Charlotte also gone?".

"Oh, did you tell Alison about your feelings?", Lady Susan asked him forward. 

"I beg your pardon, my Lady?!", he exclaimed surprised and felt flushed. 

"Oh please, you do not need to hide it from me. I saw how you look at her".

Stringer didn't reply. All he could do was to stare at the floor and examine the rug. If she knew about his feelings would she expose them to Alison? 

"I know you didn't ask for my advice but I believe you should tell her. Unless of course your feelings aren't as strong as I expect them to be". 

He dared to look up now. 

"Thank you for your advice, my Lady. Will Miss Charlotte join us soon? I would like to say goodbye". 

"She might have got lost in the novel she's currently reading. I'll have her informed that you are here", Lady Susan replied smiling. 

A footman helped the girls out of the carriage and Charlotte felt relieved to finally stretch her legs. She looked up at the grand house and took in all its beauty. Suddenly a frisson washed over her whole body and it felt like Sidney was nearby. She turned around to look out for him. All she could see was a carriage standing on the other side of the street. She was annoyed with herself for seeking his presence as soon as she had set foot in London. Indeed she felt like losing her mind over Sidney.   
Georgiana and Alison took each of her arms, giggled excited and distracted her from her thoughts.

"Let's get inside and enjoy a cup of tea to warm ourselves. It is very cold here today", Lady Susan said and led the way into Melrose Place. 

The servants showed the girls their rooms and gave them time to freshen up. Afterwards they were shown to the smallest of the drawing rooms in this house. It was tastefully furnished and the tea and sandwiches were very welcome after their journey.   
After that refreshment Lady Susan gave them a tour through the house and invited them to consider it their home. 

Later at night Lady Susan sneaked out of her own house and noticed the carriage still standing across the street.   
She knew it! With a broad smile she made her way towards the carriage and knocked on the door. 

"Good evening, Sidney. How long are you planning to sit here?", she greeted him. 

Sidney looked bashfully and answered: "I had to see her! You have no idea how much I missed her. But now that I'm so close it is still not close enough". 

"Dear Sidney, soon you'll have her all to yourself. Just a little more patience", Lady Susan said pitying him. 

"Do you have news?", he asked hopeful.

Lady Susan shook her head. 

"Unfortunately not. But I'm sure there will be some progress soon". 

He looked devastated and she wanted to cheer him up.

"I'm sure you'll want to check on your ward tomorrow, am I not?", she suggested. 

His eyes lit up: "Yes, I do. After breakfast I'll call on you and your guests". 

"I'll see you tomorrow then", she was about to go when Sidney hold her back.

"Do you need a ride? Can I be of any service?".

"I'm taking my own carriage. The ...a friend is waiting for me", she said slightly blushing. 

"Ah, well ...until tomorrow then", Sidney took his leave. 

Everyone knew about her relationship with the Prince Regent but having to admit it loudly was something she hadn't done yet. Anyway, she needed to hurry up for he had send for her hours ago and she didn't want to be in his bad books. 

Sidney didn't sleep well that night and was very early awake. His excitement to see Charlotte again after almost two weeks made him chuckle. He felt like a little schoolboy. This beautiful, perfect woman possessed so much power over him and he fully enjoyed it - as long as she returned his feelings.   
He hoped she wouldn't be still hurting because of the kiss. Since his return to London he had started many letters addressed to Charlotte but all of them ended up in the fire of his study. He had no words to express how sorry he was and that he'd rather cut off his arm than let Eliza kiss him again. All he could do was to show Charlotte how much she meant to him by freeing himself from Eliza.   
After Lady Susan's confession yesterday he decided that he needed a backup plan to make Eliza break the engagement. Right now he hadn't come up with anything which was frustrating because with each day the wedding was coming closer and currently days seemed to pass rather quickly.  
The sun was shining and the ground still wet from yesterday's rain. He was aware that he was too early but he couldn't stay a second longer at home.   
Arthur and Diana had arrived three days ago and he wasn't in the mood to converse with them during breakfast.   
The sight of Charlotte was all he yearned for right now.   
After taking a walk in Green Park in peaceful solitude while the birds chirped in the trees he decided it was time to show up.   
His hand trembled slightly before he knocked on the heavy door of Melrose Place.   
The butler let him in and informed him that the ladies were still at the breakfast table.   
He was led to a small drawing room and started pacing up and down. His hands started trembling again and his heart beat out of control. He wasn't used to so much nervousness. Yet after parting in the way they did he was afraid that he had lost her.   
It was the scent of cherry blossoms that filled his nostrils before he could lay eyes on her. She entered the room and seemed to be surprised to see him.   
He stepped forward and took her hands in his. His hands stopped trembling in an instant and his heart beat slowed a little down.   
Charlotte was the remedy for every ailing of his.   
He breathed deeply in and looked into her eyes. 

"Good morning, my love. I ...I couldn't stay away any longer. I know you asked me to leave you alone yet somehow I hope that you've changed your mind", he told her with a weak voice. 

Upon hearing 'my love' he felt her softening. 

"Good morning, Mr. Parker. I didn't ask you to leave me alone because I wanted to inflict pain. I did it to make our parting easier. I saw the wedding invitation at Trafalgar House. So, everything must be set", she looked away while speaking. 

"Unfortunately yes. But that doesn't mean it will happen. We still have five weeks to figure it out". 

Charlotte smiled warmly up at him and stroke his cheek with one hand. Sidney closed his eyes enjoying her touch. 

"It is very flattering that you won't give up. And I must confess that I do love you more for it but I also hate you for your optimism for you are very convincing. Sometimes I catch myself dreaming of a life with you. Though I'm absolutely aware it is to no avail. We keep going round in circles and you remind me of ...well of a dog chasing his tail", she explained with evident pain in her voice. 

Despite the situation he had to laugh out loud. 

"Did you really compare me to a dog?", he asked amused. 

Charlotte looked sheepish. 

"In all honesty I have compared you to worse during our acquaintance. I think a dog might be one of the nicer comparisons". 

"Oh I don't doubt that, Admiral Heywood. What did you call me again? A high society dandy gallivanting through London?", he asked her playful. 

"Don't remind me of that! I still feel ashamed for mocking you", she said while blushing. 

"You did quite a good job there. If I wasn't worried about Georgiana and busy with being disappointed and angry with you I might have found it amusing", he confessed. 

Her hand rested still on his cheek and he laid his hand on hers. 

"Please tell me, are you still hurt because of ...what happened...with Eliza?", he needed to know. 

"I'm not. It just made realise what to be prepared for. Of course she desires you. How could she not? And after your wedding you'll have a proper marriage with all the conjugal duties and-", Charlotte explained when Sidney stopped her. 

"No! I won't! I'd rather die than touch her in any way!".

"That's rather drastic isn't it?", she asked while pulling her hand under his away. 

He could sense that she was annoyed. 

"I don't understand what is so very different from touching Mrs. Campion and all the ladies in the boarding house?", she continued. 

Sidney was at first taken aback by her question. 

"You're right, there is no difference. For I neither loved them nor do I love her. Yet at the time I was ...visiting the boarding house I wasn't in love with anyone.   
Now I have you and I can't imagine kissing or touching anyone but you, my beloved Charlotte", he spoke honest. 

To emphasize his words he took her hands back in his and kissed them most tenderly.   
Charlotte's eyes were locked with his and he could see all of his feelings mirrored in them. He leaned forward to finally claim a kiss when Georgiana and Alison entered the room.   
Charlotte blushed even more and pulled her hands away from him again. She took the farthest seat possible from him and didn't look at him once again.   
Sidney conversed politely with Georgiana and Alison while Lady Susan was answering the many ball and dinner invitations she had received in her absence.   
Sidney enjoyed the girls' company but felt lost without Charlotte smiling or looking at him.   
After an hour into his visit he was asked to join Lady Susan in her study. 

"My men found him. The solicitor. Now I just need to speak with him and we'll see if there will be a revelation".


	46. Chapter 46

After returning from Melrose Place he found a visitor at Bedford Place. It was the very pale gentleman who seemed to have caught his sister's eye. A blushing Diana introduced the gentlemen to one another.   
Theodore Milford was a wealthy bachelor who had a younger brother Frederick (two years older than Arthur) who was living with him. He was in possession of a London house for the season and a huge family estate in Hampshire. His parents had passed a few years ago and he himself suffered from various ailments. 

"I just stopped by to ask your sister for a tincture of herbs she had shared with me a few weeks ago. It restored my strength to a great deal", Mr. Milford explained. 

"I'm glad to hear that my sister's talents are appreciated, Sir", Sidney replied friendly. 

Diana blushed even more and left the room to bring the vial. As soon as she left the room Mr. Milford turned to Sidney. 

"It might seem very forward but I believe my time will soon come to an end and I'll have to return to our Lord. The only thing that had ever brought me happiness and pleasure is the acquaintance of your sister. I haven't confessed my feelings yet for I wished to ask her brothers' permission to court her first. So, may I hope you'll agree?", Mr. Milford spoke hastily and in a low voice. 

Sidney was slightly surprised. He was quite sure about his sister's feelings but he had no idea that Mr. Milford was returning them.   
Mentioning his imminent death wasn't exactly a positive factor and yet Sidney would rather see his sister happy for a few months than not tasting the sweetness of love at all.  
Moreover Sidney believed Mr. Milford to be a hypochondriac as Diana and Arthur and was in fact in no danger to die soon. 

"You may hope for more. My blessing. I just want to see my sister happy and as long as she chooses you I have no objections. Have you already talked to my brothers?".

"Arthur is already informed and gave his permission too. Your eldest brother will receive a letter within the next few days".

"Then I'll be waiting for the happy news. Good luck in your pursuit, Sir", Sidney offered his hand and both men sealed the agreement with a handshake. 

Diana returned soon and Sidney excused himself to give the lovers some privacy.   
On his way up Arthur and a young gentleman met him in the corridor.   
Mr. Frederick Milford was very handsome with blonde locks and green eyes. He had a boyish smile and reminded him indeed of Arthur. Both had been on a walk and came back to enjoy a cup of tea. Sidney left them to it and went up to the study.   
He sighed relieved. If Diana was truly to marry Mr. Milford she was at least looked out and cared for.   
Even if Tom managed to ruin the family again Diana wouldn't be harmed by it.  
Not that Sidney planned to let Tom ever be as foolish as he had been again!   
He smiled and was happy for his sister. She deserved to be happy. After their parents' death she took great care of everyone and she always managed to remind the boys of their loyalty towards the family. She was the piece that was keeping everything together. Now she would be blessed with a loving husband and eventually her own children. She would be a wonderful mother, Sidney was sure of it. 

Tom was growing nervous from day to day now. At least twice a day he would go look for the post himself but to no avail. Why was the money still missing? Eliza had promised to send 2500 £ in April. Now they were ten days into April and Lady Worcester had already left with Charlotte and Alison.   
Sidney was still in London and wouldn't come back to Sanditon before the wedding.   
Yesterday they had received the official invitation to the wedding on the 23rd of May. So everything must be well between Sidney and Eliza ...and yet the money was missing. He was in urgent need of it for Sidney's offered money was already spent. And he still needed to pay some of the furnishing. There was no one who he could turn to for help. Lady Denham would call the constable and have him put in prison and Mary would despise him again if he told her about his worries.   
All he could think of was writing to Sidney and explain the issue. Perhaps Eliza was so caught up in her wedding preparations that she simply forgot to have the money sent. Yes, surely that was the reason. What else should it be?! 

"I have just received word from Tom. He said there had been no letter yet from your solicitor confirming the transaction of 2500 £", Sidney asked Eliza as soon as he entered her drawing room. 

"Ah yes, well, I decided to wait until the wedding before your brother receives any more money from me", she replied bored. 

"What?! Why?", Sidney asked astonished. 

"Well, there are only five weeks left until everything will belong to you anyway".

"You promised him 5000 £ before the wedding and only 2500 £ has been given yet. All other costs of the buildings were paid by me. And even Lady Denham agreed to paying her by the end of this year because you promised her to take care of the debt. How do you believe her to react if she found out that you decided to withdraw?", Sidney asked vexed. 

"I didn't withdraw. I just delayed the payment. Stop looking at me furiously. One might come to believe that you are only marrying me because of my fortune", she chuckled in disbelief. 

Sidney's blood froze and he decided to remain silent. There was nothing he could say or do to make Eliza send the money as promised.   
He wondered how she still believed him to be in love with her. By now she should have realised that he indeed was just in need of her money.   
Eliza seemed to be so consumed by herself that she wasn't capable of accepting that she wasn't as desirable as she believed herself to be.   
If she knew that it was rather the contrary and that Sidney only desired Charlotte.   
Sweet but distant Charlotte. Since his first visit at Melrose Place she avoided him and whenever they were left alone in a room she would escape him.   
Lady Susan told him to not worry for it was Charlotte's way to deal with her overwhelming feelings.   
Sidney wished to believe that yet he had an inner voice that told him to show her everyday how much he loved her to not lose her.   
It was three days after their arrival in London that he started to send a single flower with a short note. Today it was a lily with 'You are the moon and I am the sea. You move me and make me a force of nature because of my devotion to you'.   
He never considered himself to be poetic but Charlotte inspired many unknown traits in him. He never wanted to be the best version of himself, he was content with just being himself. Never gave it a thought. Now she was his moral compass and his inner voice of reason. 

"Tell him I'll pay him well if he provides me with the information I need. And I'll take care of his safety if that is a concern of his", Lady Susan told Mr. Paulson. 

"He says he won't speak. I even threatened him", he replied. 

"Nonsense, everybody has a price! I need him to talk. Alright then. Raise the sum", she said in annoyance. 

"But my Lady, the offered sum is very generous and he doesn't deserve to receive more after being so uncooperative!", Mr. Paulson objected. 

"Perhaps he doesn't deserve it yet I'd do anything to get the information he hides so well". 

"Perhaps we could catch him with an arrangement? What if you offer him to be presented at court. Everyone wants to meet the Prince Regent". 

Lady Susan gave it a thought and then nodded her consent. 

"Alright, try it. But if he still refuses raise the sum. I'm sure the information will be worth every penny". 

Mr. Paulson was dismissed and Lady Susan let out a sigh. The solicitor proved to be far more involved than expected. Yet Lady Susan saw it as a good sign. Mrs. Campion and he were definitely hiding something and she wouldn't rest until she discovered what it was. 

How was she supposed to let him go if he kept sending his daily messages?! Charlotte was in a constant state of anger and deep adoration for Sidney. He was in every way a perfect lover and she couldn't wish for more. Well, except that he wasn't engaged to Mrs. Campion, she thought sighing heavily.   
Her nightmares kept haunting her. Sometimes they made it to the wedding night and shared the first kiss in their bedroom when Tom stormed in and dragged him away from her.   
Sanditon would always be in need of a solid financial support. It was essential that the ones overseeing the project were in possession of liquid capital.   
And as much as she wished to support Sidney in every way possible she had not the means to do so.   
She could work as a governess and earn some money yet I wouldn't be enough to provide her own family with Sidney and possibly a new created mess by Tom. Charlotte had seen what kind of chaos financial issues caused. Two families in Willingden were breaking apart because of it. There were even rumours that Mr. Brown had hung himself and didn't die a natural death. No! She would never let it come to this.   
She pressed the lily to her chest and took in the scent of it while rereading his note. His words made her feel warm and embraced her as he would.   
In a few days there would be a gathering and Lady Susan had informed the girls that the Parkers and Mrs. Campion would be attending too.   
Charlotte decided to enjoy it one last time and even dance with him if given the opportunity and afterwards ...afterwards she would try to cauterise her heart and let him finally go.   
She really hoped that she would be strong enough to manage it.   
Speaking of strength she remembered to drink her cough mixture the specialist had given her. He wanted to check up on her again in two weeks time. Until then she was ordered to drink the mixture three times a day and take a walk once a day. Now that she had seen many parks of London she had to admit it wasn't as tedious as she believed it to be.   
Yet it wasn't Sanditon with its wild sea and soft sand on the beaches.   
Charlotte realised by thinking of Sanditon that she hadn't written to Mary or the children and decided to treat them with a new story that Mary could read aloud for them. And perhaps Alison would add some drawings to make it fun for the children.   
She had just finished a story about a homesick elephant when Alison stormed into her room. 

"You'll never believe who's here", she said beaming and with shining eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you ❤🌹❤🌹❤


	47. Chapter 47

"Could you please at least try to look happy? We are to be married in four weeks. People already are gossiping that you might have changed your mind despite having received our invitation to the wedding", Eliza was holding his arm quite firmly and was dragging him further into the room to attend yet another tedious gathering. 

How much he hated it. He forced a fake smile on his face and let her lead him to some of her London acquaintance. 

"Lord and Lady Abercrombie, how very nice to see you. How did you like the continent?".

She received an extensive answer and the polite conversation continued. There were several other people she conversed with while he was chained to her. Yet again to survive the evening he had to keep repeating to himself that Charlotte would be also attending and that Lady Susan's plan was finally coming to some fruition. She had sent him a letter three days ago which stated that she was in negotiations with the former solicitor of Eliza and that she might meet him in a few days.   
If that was true he already considered himself to be a happy man soon again. Of course there was still the financial problem he had to deal with, but as long as he had no word from Antigua he dared to hope. And there were still some of London's beau monde who had promised to at least think about investing. Perhaps they would come to help too.   
At some point Eliza sent him away to fetch her a drink. He was happy to escape her company yet he knew he had to return to her. Still he kept looking for Charlotte. Lady Susan hadn't arrived yet so he had to wait until he would feel complete again. Because that was what Charlotte did, make him complete.   
He walked back to Eliza reluctantly and handed her a glass of wine.   
Both turned to the entrance to see what had caused to draw everyone else's attention there when murmurs started to fill the room.   
It was Lady Susan with Charlotte, Alison, Georgiana and ...a gentleman he didn't know.   
As soon as Sidney laid eyes on Charlotte he stiffened. Eliza took his arm in a possessive manner that it almost hurt. Charlotte was all smiles and ease with the gentleman. Sidney couldn't help but be jealous. She looked radiant and he wanted to be the man next to her. The man she's laughing with and smiling tenderly at. He formed fists when he witnessed how close she leaned into the gentleman, nearly touching his nose with hers.   
Lady Susan caught his gaze and made her way towards them with a warm smile on her face. Sidney took a closer look at the gentleman. He had brown curly hair, a friendly face and a sparkle in his honeybrown eyes. Somehow he reminded him of someone but Sidney couldn't say who exactly it was.

"Mr. Parker. Mrs. Campion. Good evening. How are you enjoying yourselves?", Lady Susan had reached them, Charlotte and her beau standing closely behind her. 

"Lady Worcester, what a welcome sight. It has been a wonderful evening so far. But pray, who is accompanying you, today?", Eliza asked curious. 

"You do know my dearest friend, Miss Charlotte Heywood, her sister Alison Heywood and Miss Lambe", Lady Susan stated.

Charlotte stepped next to Lady Susan, the gentleman still holding her arm while Alison and Georgiana stopped a few steps behind them and looked around as if searching for someone.   
Eliza looked at Charlotte, smiled a fake smile and turned back to Lady Susan. 

"Yes, of course I do. But who is this very elegant gentleman? You must introduce us please".

Sidney was still all stiffness and tension. His eyes wandered to Charlotte. She was already staring at him and when their gaze met she gave him a warm, tender smile. Despite the jealousy and tension Sidney could feel her smile running through his whole body and leaving a warm feeling.   
Lady Susan's expression was mischievous now before she addressed Eliza again. 

"Well, this elegant young gentleman is Mr. Anthony Heywood. He is spending a few days with his sisters before returning to Oxford".

It was her brother!   
A laugh escaped Sidney as he was relieved now and he shook hands with Charlotte's brother. 

"It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Heywood. How do you like Oxford?".

"Please, call me Anthony. As far as I know you're already a dear friend of the family. Thank you for all you've done for Charlotte's speedy recovery. We are indebted to you".

"You must call me Sidney then. But I won't listen to any talk about debts. It was my pleasure to help. Charlotte is ...is very dear to my whole family and all of Sanditon. It was a natural consequence to help after what she's done to make Sanditon a success during the time she stayed there", Sidney explained smiling.

Now Anthony turned to his sister and said: "You were right, he is very modest. Maybe that's what attracting the Heywood women beside his good looks obviously".

Charlotte blushed deeply and wasn't able to reply. 

Anthony must have realised what he had just said in front of the whole party and tried to clarify: "Well, my mother can't stop to talk about all the food you provided and the doctor you organised. Oh and Rose, well she is actually still waiting for you to come back and marry her. However you managed to get her thus far is a miracle. Before I left for Oxford she was in her 'boys are stupid and how can one marry them'-phase". 

"Yes, isn't he charming?! Always willing to help the less privileged. One might believe he's like a knight in shining armour. Am I not a lucky lady to have hold of his...generous heart. As our wedding is only four weeks away you may as well already call me Mrs. Parker. Doesn't it have a nice ring to it?!", Eliza chipped in.

Her venomous gaze was fixed on Charlotte and Charlotte dared to hold the gaze. 

"Well, the name was eleven years the same and yet you decided another one suited you better because of the money", Charlotte said vexed. 

Charlotte had believed that it was only a thought but given the shocked looks she received she must have spoken it out loudly. Suddenly it was too hot in the room. 

"Excuse me, I shouldn't have said that, Mrs. Campion. I need some fresh air. Pardon me". 

She rushed out of the room and found a secluded room nearby where the doors to the balcony where open. She stepped out and took a few deep breaths. How embarrassing! What was going on with her?!   
Before Anthony's arrival she realised that she had grown very frustrated with the situation. It was like being between a rock and a hard place: longing for Sidney or giving him up for everybody else's sake.   
Yet despite her frustration she usually was never as disrespectful as she had been right now.  
Before she could think any further Lady Susan and Sidney approached her.   
Lady Susan was smiling brightly and even Sidney had a bemused expression on his face. 

"Bravo, my dear! I couldn't have said it any better", Lady Susan exclaimed. 

"Oh Lady Susan, don't praise me for being disrespectful. I don't recognise myself anymore". 

"She was clearly provoking you. And you know exactly how much I love watching you speaking up for yourself", Lady Susan tried to comfort her.

Sidney cleared his throat and added: "I must agree. Eliza was trying to make sure that you and everybody else understands that I'm going to marry her. According to her a lot of gossip is circulating and she's been scolding me the whole evening to look happy".

"Well, then you should leave immediately and seek your fiancee, Mr. Parker. I am not willing to cause more rumours. Especially now after insulting Mrs. Campion".

Sidney smiled now. 

"Eliza is currently dancing with the elegant gentleman that is accompanying you today", he said winking.

Charlotte couldn't believe it.

"Tony dared to ask her?".

"I dare say he used the moment of her shock and went off with her. Which gives me the opportunity to ask you to dance with me. And don't mind! Nobody will gossip, they will think that we just switched partners for the dance".

A frown was forming on Charlotte's forehead. She was sceptical. Initially she had planned to dance with him and then let him go forever. But now with all the gossip...  
Sidney was offering his hand with a tender smile. 

"Come on", he said with a softness in his voice that made Charlotte weak to the knees. 

She took his hand and nodded. 

It had been a pure pleasure to watch the facial expressions of Mrs. Campion and Sidney change when she introduced Anthony Heywood. Lady Susan nearly gave herself away by clapping and laughing loudly. But it was neither the time nor the place to do so.   
Mrs. Campion had looked quite shocked and Sidney had been clearly relieved.   
Though Mrs. Campion managed to look far more shocked after Charlotte spoke her mind.   
It was the second time that Lady Susan would have loved to laugh out loud. After Charlotte's escape Mrs. Campion's face turned red and she kept opening and closing her mouth like she was about to say something but no words would come. Thankfully Anthony was quick to distract her by asking her to dance.   
Now Lady Susan was watching Charlotte, Sidney, Anthony and Mrs. Campion while dancing a reel.   
Mrs. Campion still seemed to be deep in thoughts. She didn't speak to Anthony at all whereas Charlotte and Sidney smiled and conversed while dancing.   
Tomorrow Lady Susan would met the former solicitor of Mrs. Campion and she hoped that he would have all the answers she needed to end her friend's agony. As much as she wished for Charlotte to be happy she believed that Sidney would be far more devastated if the plan failed and Mrs. Campion wasn't hiding anything shocking at all that would help them to get rid of her. 

"What happened?", Alison came to stand next to Lady Susan. 

She reported what had occurred and Alison looked at her with wide eyes. 

"Oh dear, this doesn't sound like Charlotte at all".

"Perhaps not. Yet she has been very patient and strong up until now. With the wedding being so close I believe she's ultimately losing hope and a little easier to irritate", Lady Susan explained. 

"Is there still no progress?", Alison whispered. 

"There is. But I'm not sure if it's fertile. As soon as I have news I will share it with all of you. I promise".

Alison smiled and kissed her on her cheek. 

"Thank you for taking so good care of us. I don't know how to ever repay you".

"Seeing you happy and enjoying your company is all I ask for". 

She would miss the girls so much whenever they were to return home ...or marry and have their own homes. She would visit them frequently, that she was sure about.   
After the dance Mrs. Campion grabbed Sidney's arm and led him to friends of her. Charlotte came back looking flushed and holding on to Anthony. 

"I have to catch some fresh air. I feel rather dizzy and my throat feels very dry", Charlotte told the party before Anthony accompanied her to the secluded room. 

They had just left when Lady Salisbury's children approached them. Andrew asked Alison to dance. 

"Oh I would love to but Charlotte does not feel well and I'd like to keep an eye on her", Alison replied. 

"Nonsense my dear, your sister isn't alone. Your brother is with her", Lady Susan chipped in. 

"But I need to get her a drink. Otherwise she might suffer from a coughing fit again", Alison objected. 

"I'll get her the drink and you dance with my brother", Daniela suggested. 

Alison gave in and headed towards the dancefloor with Andrew. Lady Susan was left alone as Georgiana was standing with Arthur and talking to him and Frederick Milford. She decided to make some polite conversation and keep an eye on Alison. 

It had been shortly after Eliza had sent Sidney away to bring her a drink that she had spotted Lady Susan, that country girl and a very elegant looking gentleman. The girl had been holding his arm and had looked very happy and quite intimate with the gentleman. Well, perhaps she moved on from Sidney and now she could marry him without being afraid of her to snatch him away from her, she had thought to herself. When Sidney had came back and had handed her a glass he had seemed to not have seen her. Lady Susan had approached them and she had felt Sidney stiffening next to her.   
Then she couldn't believe her ears.   
She knew that Sidney had done a lot to get that country girl through but the extent was unknown to her. And now this elegant gentleman wasn't some suitor but her brother! One of the savages! She wasn't rid of her yet, so she decided to make clear where Sidney surely belonged to. After claiming Sidney for herself she had received an unexpected and absolutely unconscionable answer.   
How dare that village cow judge her? She knew nothing about her or why she had decided eleven years ago against Sidney. Eliza was furious but couldn't show it. All her friends were present and she didn't need any more rumours about Sidney being less devoted to her than everyone had expected. She had to present herself happy and carefree.   
Unfortunately she had absentminededly agreed to dance with the savage boy. Hopefully no one would think bad of her for doing so. She had to admit that he looked rather handsome and very dapper. Yet he was a village boy and nothing more. During the dance she tried to figure out how to take revenge. In the end she decided that winning the race was already destroying the farm mouse and she would enjoy showing her how happy she and Sidney were...if Sidney managed to hide his bad temper. She snatched him away after the dance and he followed like a well trained pet. 

"Charlotte? Are you here? I brought you a drink", Daniela called into the room. 

No one was to be seen here. She crossed the room and spotted the balcony. She stepped outside and the most handsome gentleman she had ever seen turned around to her with a smile.   
Charlotte also turned around and hugged her. 

"Daniela! How nice to see you again. May I introduce my brother, Anthony Heywood. Anthony this is my friend Daniela Salisbury". 

Daniela curtsied and Charlotte's brother took her hand and planted a soft kiss there.

"Very pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss", Mr. Heywood said. 

Daniela shivered slightly after hearing his voice. It was a deep baritone and so incredibly masculine.   
He smiled and two dimples showed up making him look rather roguish.   
Daniela was absolutely enchanted. She had never met a man who she felt attracted to so much only by looks.

"The pleasure is mine, Sir", she managed to stammer.

His smile grew wider and his honeybrown eyes were so warm. 

"Is that drink for my sister?", he asked politely. 

The drink! 

"Yes, it is. Here Charlotte. Actually Alison wanted to bring you one but I convinced her to dance with Andrew". 

"Thank you, Daniela", Charlotte smiled. 

"Are you feeling better?", Mr. Heywood asked his sister concerned after taking a few sips of the drink. 

"Tony, please stop worrying. I told you I'm fine". 

"Right, but I don't believe you". 

"I'm telling you the truth", Charlotte insisted. "Anyway, why don't we head back? You still owe Georgiana and me a dance". 

"That I do. May I add you to the list, Miss Salisbury?", Mr. Heywood asked cheekily. 

Daniela blushed and answered: "I would be delighted". 

He offered one arm to Charlotte and the other to her. She laid her hand on his forearm and together they went back to the ballroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤Thank you❤❤❤


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the delay! Work kept me busy and today is my first day off after ten days. 
> 
> Thankful for your love for this story and your support ❤❤❤

When he took her hand in his she felt like she would burst with happiness. She let all her love for Sidney flow and danced extremely passionate. She decided to show him one last time how much she loved him. He managed to touch her more often than the reel requested. A soft touch on her waist, letting the back of his hand stroke hers while switching positions. 

"You are radiant tonight, my dearest Charlotte", he noticed smiling broadly after a few minutes into the dance. 

"It must be your company and your affection for me", she said cheekily.

"I'd like to think it has something to do with me, but I do know that you've been already perfect the way you are before I showed you my feelings".

"Actually you were never shy to show me exactly what you thought of me. Right from the start you made me see my naivety and that I haven't seen much of the world. And I also pointed out every fault of yours, I suppose we are even now". 

"Please don't remind me of my brutish behaviour".

"Somehow you still managed to make me fall in love with you despite your behaviour", she replied tenderly. 

Sidney's face lit up even more. After a short dance sequence with Anthony Charlotte returned dancing with Sidney again. 

"You seem changed, my love. Usually you tend to hide your feelings when in public yet tonight even if I had had any doubt I would be convinced of your feelings now". 

"I decided to enjoy myself tonight and make the best of it".

"It suits you very well. May I assume that you have accepted my continuing efforts of finding a way out of the whole situation?", he asked softly. 

Charlotte smiled and made the requested steps before facing him again. She did not plan on giving him an answer. Her real reason for showing her love so evidently would only destroy his high spirits.   
Now was not the time to tell him that she planned on finally giving him up after tonight.   
When the dance was nearing its end Sidney had the opportunity to be closer to her and he took it. His eyes set on her looked very intense. 

"I cannot wait to finally make you my wife. To be allowed to dance with you every dance of the evening if you and I wish to do so; to be your refuge; to be the man that improves under your hand and to cherish you with my body and soul", he whispered with a hoarseness in his voice that made Charlotte shiver. 

He was so good at using the right words. Charlotte wanted to respond that she would love to be his wife but both were brought back to reality when Mrs. Campion came to take Sidney's arm and dragged him away. Given the fact that they were all standing on the dancefloor he could hardly refuse to join her. His fiancée. The woman he was about to marry in four weeks.   
While both disappeared into the crowd of guests Charlotte felt someone taking her hand and putting her on his forearm. 

"Let's clear the dancefloor, Charlotte", Tony said low. 

Again he had been dragged away from her! Her nightmares seemed to be predictions of how her future with Sidney would look like. In fact there was no future together. And Charlotte was determined to accept that fact from now on. It was comforting to have the shared moments as memories and she was glad that she had the opportunity to taste true love despite the bruising experience. To know that this handsome, kind, loyal, impulsive, caring man gave her his heart had to be enough for there would be no more than the shared feelings. No wedding, no children, no life together.   
All this thoughts made Charlotte feel dizzy and she decided that she needed to clear her head. Tony accompanied her to the balcony where she had fled after telling Mrs. Campion her real thoughts. 

"Now I see what father meant when he said: 'Even if I disliked him, one look on Charlotte's face and I'm proselytised. I've never seen such affection in an unmarried couple. What they share is special. If he manages to escape that horrible woman he is very welcome to become an official member of this family'", Tony confessed surprised. 

"Papa said that?!", Charlotte asked him with wide eyes.

"Yes he did. And while we were dancing I had the chance to observe you two for my partner seemed to have lost her voice. I am convinced that Sidney Parker would give his life to make you happy. His devotion and love seem to know no limits. I have seen many man being in love but Mr. Parker exceeds them all. It's like you are all he needs, Charlotte. Without you he wouldn't be able to live. He would just exist". 

Charlotte actually did not want to hear any of it. She was determined to let him go and she did not need anyone to point out how much love they had for each other. 

"Please, don't speak like that again, Tony. We all know it is to no avail. There are more lives to consider than Sidney's and mine. We would never be happy together if we had to live with the guilt of ruining his family and making Sanditon fail".

"But Lady Susan said that the financial issues are being taken care of. The only thing she needs to fix is Mrs. Campion's wish to marry your future husband", Tony said smirking. 

"Dont speak of him like that! He's not my future husband, he cannot be!", Charlotte raised her voice. 

Tony put his hands on her shoulders to calm her down.

"I'm sorry. I meant no harm. Actually I just wanted to show you my support. That I would do whatever anyone asks me to do in order to secure your happiness which has to be with Sidney Parker. But you seem rather irritable and I'll stop talking about it at once". 

Charlotte sighed and embraced her brother.   
She needed to brace herself for the next four weeks. Lady Susan and Alison would encourage her like Tony did right now.   
Yet it wasn't what she needed! She needed them to stop mentioning Sidney's name and their hope of seeing them together soon. She needed them to support her decision of letting him go. Otherwise she would keep on being irritated and she very much disliked that new side of herself.   
She let go of Tony and stepped away to have a better view of the garden below the balcony. They kept watching a cat chasing a mouse in silence when someone joined them.   
Charlotte was happy to see Daniela. After Lady Susan Daniela was another surprisingly friendly member of the beau monde. Charlotte introduced her to her brother and noticed immediately that both seemed at least to like each other's outer appearance very much. Somehow they seemed attracted to each other.

He knew she was far above his social position yet Tony couldn't help but admire her.   
She was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Her blonde thick hair with the green eyes and her elegant figure were simply perfection.   
Moreover she was very accomplished and yet modest.   
He wondered how she wasn't admired by every male guest present for he himself could not look away.   
During the dance with her he was too busy enjoying holding her in his arms and watching her than starting a conversation. 

"Do you not like to converse while dancing, Mr. Heywood?", she asked him after a while. 

"It depends on my dance partner. If I do enjoy the company and consider my partner an elegant dancer I'll concentrate on the dance. But if my partner is insufferable I would keep on talking until the dance is finally over to distract myself", he explained smiling. 

She blushed and it made her look all the lovelier. 

"Then there is no need for me to be offended, when you keep on being silent", she commented smiling shyly. 

"On the contrary, it's meant to be a compliment". 

While dancing he couldn't resist to pull her closer to him by gripping her waist a little tighter than he'd usually do. She didn't seem to be averse to it for her hand on his shoulder tightened and she blushed again.   
When the dance ended he refused to let her go but she extricated herself from him and curtsied. 

"Mr. Heywood, may I ask you to accompany me to the refreshments?", she asked boldly. 

"It would be my pleasure". 

They walked in silence and got each a drink. 

"Is it your first time in London, Sir?", she began polite conversation. 

"It is indeed". 

"And how do you like it so far?". 

"To be honest I haven't seen much of it for I was sent by father to check on Charlotte and Alison. Both have been away for more than two months and as much as he trusts Lady Susan, he wanted to make sure a Heywood keeps an eye on them. But I have to admit today I'm failing that task".

"How so?", she asked frowning slightly. 

"I got distracted by a certain beautiful young lady", he said well aware that he was extravagating. 

The frown on her face dissolved and she looked at him with wide eyes. 

"If you are indicating that I'm that distraction I'm flattered but I wouldn't want you to give your father a false report. We should head back and find her", she replied after clearing her throat. 

"I can see her perfectly from here. There is no need to go back. I fear my attempt to charm you was quite poor. Excuse me". 

What an idiot he was. Of course she wouldn't respond to his flirtation. She was a lady and no village girl. And it wasn't fair to flirt with her when it was clearly futile.   
Perhaps she was already promised to some wealthy lord or viscount. 

"I believe some people are just charming by being themselves", she looked him straight in the eyes and smiled. 

"Interesting. And would you consider me one of them?", he simply couldn't resist flirting. 

"A lady wouldn't tell. She'd enjoy the company of a charming gentleman and only speak if she's aware of his intentions", she replied cheekily. 

"I can tell you that this farmer's son only means well. Lady Susan said it would be a good thing to have friends in London. That's the main reason for inviting me to accompany her, my sisters and Georgiana to this gathering". 

"Is that so? Then let me introduce you to some people", she said and grabbed his arm. 

Tony was a little taken aback by her enthusiasm.   
He conversed with a dozen people and had a hard time remembering their names. Many lords and ladies. Most of them were polite and at least faked interest while conversing with Miss Salisbury and him. She would always introduce him as a friend of hers.   
At some point they were approached by one of the most elegant ladies present. 

"Oh dear!", Miss Salisbury exclaimed.

"How dare you walk around with some savage and offend all the eligible gentlemen by refusing to dance with them?!", the lady hissed. 

"Ah, you must be Lady Salisbury. I've heard rumours that giving people nicknames is something you like to do", he dared to speak to her despite not being introduced properly. He took her hand and kissed her before saying: "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance".

First she seemed flattered but then she pulled her hand back and stated: "I know the kind of people you are! You enchant a girl to get her money and then she rotts on your farm and dies of a broken heart! Do not speak to my daughter ever again! Come on, Daniela! Thankfully, Mrs. Campion warned me to fetch you as soon as possible", she took her daughter's arm and wanted to drag her away. 

"Well, my Lady, I can assure you I never had such a plan. But thank you for giving me the idea", he started joking before he changed his tone: "Don't be afraid. No gentleman would be masochistic enough to become your son-in-law. And even your daughter's beauty wouldn't make up for it". 

He knew that his words might hurt Miss Salisbury yet he had to insult that woman after Georgiana had told him how she and Mrs. Campion spoke of them.   
He bowed and went to search for Charlotte. And he needed a drink.

"Did you miss me?", Andrew asked her cheekily.

"Sir! This isn't a question to ask a young woman", Alison chided him. 

"Why not? Would it be less unsettling if I told you that I missed you a lot?".

He did? But why? They did have a lot of fun in Sanditon yet she hadn't thought about him at all since he'd left. Her guilty feeling made her blush. 

"You're blushing which can only mean two things: either you missed me too or you didn't even think of me for a second", he noticed. 

Alison kept silent and Andrew shook his head. 

"You are breaking my heart, dear Alison. I believed you to be the one. Yet I wouldn't settle down without mutual affection", he said earnestly. 

"And you shouldn't! But I must ask if you are teasing me or if you meant what you just said?", she asked frowning. 

"A little bit of both", he replied winking. "You are special and I am definitely attracted to you. Yet I know your heart is set on another". 

Alison almost tripped over her own feet upon hearing his answer. How did he know?

"Where is the young architect anyway?". 

"How do you know?".

"I'm very perceptive and you and him are terrible at hiding your true feelings. Just as Charlotte and Sidney", he said laughing.

He also knew about Charlotte and Sidney?! 

"Oh Andrew, please don't judge my sister too harshly for being in love with an engaged gentleman!".

"I don't judge her at all. I wish them every happiness. Sidney Parker is a good man and deserves better than that Harpy". 

Alison laughed for she hadn't thought of that nickname for Mrs. Campion but it seemed quite fitting. 

"Don't change the topic. What about your architect?", Andrew inquired. 

"He's not my architect and clearly you must have misinterpreted his feelings for he offered me friendship and nothing more", Alison couldn't hide the sadness in her voice. 

"Then he's a fool! Yet I'm very certain that he wants more than friendship. No man looks at a lady like he did when he only seeks friendship! I suppose he's too shy". 

"It doesn't matter now. I'm here and he's in Sanditon. We might exchange letters but that's it". 

Andrew looked pensively and finished the dance with her in silence.   
Afterwards they joined Georgiana, Arthur Parker and his new friend Frederick Milford. Charlotte was on the dancefloor again and dancing with Lord Grasmere. The old man seemed to have a liking for Charlotte. Both were conversing and Alison wondered what they would be talking about.   
While her eyes wandered through the room she caught Sidney gazing at the dancefloor and frowning. His frown deepened when Charlotte laughed at something the Lord must have said. Poor Sidney!, she thought. She decided to pray this night even more for Charlotte's and Sidney's happiness. 

"Would you care to step outside with me? I long to see the garden and I feel a little overheated", Mr. Milford offered Diana his arm.

"Of course. I hope you didn't catch a cold! Here let me touch your forehead. It is warm indeed but not hot". 

The simple touch of her soft hand on his forehead only made him more determined.   
Once outside they went straight to the fountain in the garden and enjoyed the cool air.   
Mr. Milford braced himself by breathing deeply in and out. Then he took Diana's hand.

"My dearest Diana, I am aware that we haven't known each other for very long now yet I feel like I've known you my whole life. You are all I had hoped for. I have never met someone who understands me as well as you do. Someone who accepts my ailments and doesn't make fun of them. Someone as caring and lovely and beautiful as you are. Now that I have finally found you I won't let you go. Unless you wish me to leave. Beloved Diana, I must ask you now: will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?", he spoke and his voice was filled with emotion. 

Diana was crying and couldn't stop. He started to worry about having insulted her in some way.   
He was about to say something when she nodded her head and put her hand on his cheek. He leaned forward and touched her nose with his before kissing her softly.   
Had he known how alive a kiss from her would make him feel he would have asked her much earlier.   
After the kiss both looked shyly at each other panting and with fast beating hearts.   
Then Diana's expression changed. 

"I know I don't need my brother's permission to marry you yet I would like to have their blessing. They are all I have left", she explained. 

Mr. Milford smiled and put his hands on her waist to pull her closer. 

"I already asked them and all of them are happy as long as I promise to make you happy. And that I will. For as long as I live".   
Diana looked surprised at him and then let him kiss her again. 

"It would seem the Heywoods were busy insulting the beau monde today", Lady Susan said playful when all got seated in the carriage. 

Tony's heart sank. He had hoped his outburst wouldn't cause Lady Susan any trouble. 

"I apologised and when I tried a second time she took Sidney and made him dance with her. There was nothing more I could do", Charlotte defended herself. 

"Oh my dear, don't worry. Your brother is the one I was referring to. Daniela told me all about it when I met her down stairs". 

"Oh Tony, what did you do?", Alison asked him horrified.

"I simply revenged our family's honour. That woman is the worst!". 

"Tony told Lady Salisbury that no man would wish to have her as a mother-in-law. I think that's fantastic! Don't you?", Lady Susan was laughing. 

"Oh my! Tony! By insulting the mother you've also insulted the daughter. Poor Daniela!", Charlotte scolded him. 

"Au contraire! I have a note for you, Tony. It's from Daniela", Lady Susan handed him the note with a wide grin on her face. 

He unfolded the paper. 

'No one ever dared to speak to my mother like that! I'm sorry we were interrupted by her. I would have loved to get to know you better. I will call upon Lady Susan tomorrow and hope you'll be home for I need to see you again!   
All I know is that I'd rather rot on your farm than be stuck with my mother any longer. DS' 

A smile formed on his face and he couldn't help feeling excited to see her again tomorrow. 

"What does the note say?", Alison asked curiously. 

"That is none of your business, little sister", he said still smiling.


	49. Chapter 49

Daniela never heard anyone speak to her mother like that. It was alluring and she felt only more attracted to him. Of course it hurt a little bit and yet she had made up her mind. He was the only man she would marry. There was no other who could keep up with her mother.   
Now all she needed to do was to explore if they were suited and if she could convince him to marry her despite her mother.   
She was aware that the note was a bold move but she had to see him again as soon as possible. And she wanted to let him know that she was nothing like her mother.   
Tears of shame and anger were welling up again. How she called him and sweet Charlotte and Alison savages! And how she wasn't ashamed of her behaviour at all. It was embarrassing to be her daughter. And that awful Mrs. Campion would always agree with her mother and remind her how inferior the Heywoods were.   
Would Anthony Heywood judge her for being the daughter of such a woman? Before running into her mother she was under the impression that they got off quite well.   
Her heartbeat accelerated when she thought back to the dance and how he had pulled her closer to him. She could feel his breath on her skin and his warm hands on her waist and in her hand seemed to burn into her skin. How she yearned to be touched by him again.   
Oh Daniela, stop these not ladylike thoughts at once, she chided herself.   
It is safe to say that Daniela didn't find sleep most of the night for thinking about Anthony Heywood and her malicious mother. 

Down at the breakfast table everyone ate in silence, clearly occupied with their own thoughts.   
Lady Susan was indeed excited to met the former solicitor and hoped that he would talk. After all he had consented to meet her and she expected him to tell her all he knew about. And then all she needed to do was to take the information and convert it into something that would make Mrs. Campion give up on Sidney. 

"I have to tell you something. You should know that I'm fine with Sidney marrying Mrs. Campion. I'm sure that somehow he'll find happiness with ...her and seeing his nieces and nephews and Mary happy will surely make it easier for him. As for me, I am convinced that a woman's happiness shouldn't depend on a man. A woman should be the architect of her own fortune. And I am planning to lead a very happy life without Sidney Parker", Charlotte broke the silence in the room. 

"But, Charlotte, don't you love him anymore? Yesterday you still seemed to do", Alison was confused after hearing this revelation. 

Charlotte blushed before saying: "He will forever be in possession of my heart. Yet love isn't always enough. I need to move on and make him accept his part in saving his family and Sanditon. I'm telling you all of this to make you understand why I won't have you speak of him and trying to give me hope that he soon could be free. It doesn't matter anyway. I made up my mind. So please, I ask all of you to support me if you truly care for me". 

"Very well spoken, especially the part of independent happiness. Yet, don't you believe, my dear, that sharing your happiness with the right man will bring you even more happiness? If you truly manage to let him go without greater distress and more bruises on your heart you should write a manual and we could sell it all over the world. It would surely be a bestseller", Lady Susan commented. 

"What are you implying, Lady Susan?", Charlotte asked frowning. 

"I know that many ladies have tried to forget a man they truly loved and most of them failed. I'm not trying to challenge you yet I don't believe you'll manage to let him go. I have seen how deep your love for each other runs". 

"Yet I'm determined. It has to work out. It's the best for everyone!". 

"No, it's not. But I won't argue with you if you have made up your mind. I do have a business meeting this morning so you'll have to occupy yourselves", Lady Susan informed them and left the room. 

Charlotte's decision was only spurring her on to have the solicitor talk.   
Soon he would arrive. Until then she decided to look through her mail. There were more people interested in investing in Sanditon and asking to rent an apartment for the summer. At least the financial issue was beginning to become a smaller problem.   
She put all the letters into a big envelope and asked her footman to have them sent to Mr. Sidney Parker.   
Then Mr. Atwell arrived and Lady Susan received him in her study. 

"Lady Worcester, pleasure to meet you", he said politely though his face clearly gave away that it was rather the opposite. 

"I dare say the pleasure is all mine. So, let's get straight to the reason I summoned you here", she began. 

"Summoned indeed, you are very persistent, if I may say so", Mr. Atwell noticed looking down on his hat. 

"You may. I've heard worse. And I consider persistence a virtue if used for a good cause. Which brings me to you. Why did Mrs. Campion choose to replace you? What happened?". 

"It is not my secret to tell, I'm afraid". 

"So there is a secret?! Wonderful. Perhaps if I tell you why I'm in need of the details you'll change your mind and cooperate. Mrs. Campion is engaged to be married in four weeks. Her fiancé fell in love with another woman before Mrs. Campion showed up again but financial difficulties forced him to engage himself to her. It is her fortune he needs-".

"That's a futile pursuit. There's not much to get", Mr. Atwell stated calmly.

"Oh, I expected her to be as wealthy as she made everyone believe?". 

"I can assure you she's not".

She remembered Sidney complaining that Mrs. Campion hadn't paid what she had promised. 

"But why? Did her late husband gamble the money away?". 

"I can't tell you. She would kill me if she discovers I'm here". 

"She won't and I promised I would take care of your safety. Now please tell me what is going on".

"I'm sorry. I really can't. I suppose you're trying to make them split up but I gave my word. Yet ...perhaps I can give you a hint. It's the best I can do".

Lady Susan sighed, her gaze stern. 

"Alright. I'll take whatever I can get", she gave in and leaned back in her seat. 

"The housekeeper of Farnworth Abbey might be a great help", Mr. Atwell said with a tormented look on his face. 

"I hope you are right. Time is running out. Still, thank you for coming here. If your hint proves to be useful I'll send you a bonus. Good day, Mr. Atwell". 

After he left she sat down and wrote a letter to a stranger, the housekeeper of Farnworth Abbey. 

"Daniela! What a pleasant surprise", Charlotte exclaimed when Daniela Salisbury entered the drawing room. 

"It's no surprise at all, especially after leaving a message for Tony. Come on ladies, let the two catch up", Georgiana said dry and dragged Alison and Charlotte out of the room. 

Tony could feel his ears heating up for he was blushing. Miss Salisbury stood a few steps away from him and looked as beautiful as the evening before. Though he noticed dark circles under her eyes.   
Did she have as sleepless a night as him? 

"I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you with my note. I hope you don't think that I'm anything like my mother", she stated after clearing her throat. 

"Why would I think that? You are a friend of my sister and surely you wouldn't care to even look at her if you were like your mother". 

She stepped closer to him. 

"You have no idea how relieved I am. I didn't want you to think badly of me. The truth is ...I was fascinated by the way you handled my mother", she whispered. 

"You were? Shouldn't you be rather offended?", he asked surprised. 

"I might have been a little bit though the fascination predominated. And you are right. If she keeps on behaving like that no one would care to marry me". 

"Oh I doubt that she would speak to a wealthy dandy from London the way she did to me. So, no worries. Someone will come of whom your mother will approve and you all shall be a happy family", Tony couldn't conceal his cynicism. 

It vexed him to have her standing so close to him in all her beauty and yet being out of reach. 

"I'm sure my mother wouldn't approve of MY choice and yet it is my life and I decide whom I'll marry".

"Well, good luck with that".

Of course there was already someone. How could there not be? She was beautiful, witty and her family had wealth and title. What else would a gentleman wish for. 

"I fear you didn't understand me, Mr. Heywood. Usually I would keep this to myself but I have to see if there is even the smallest of chances that this could happen", she said shyly. 

"That what could happen?", he was annoyed. 

Why did she come here if she was only speaking of her evil mother. After reading the note he thought that she might have felt the connection from yesterday too.

"That you would consider my beauty is actually worth it to meet my mother again as her son-in-law. I remember that's how you expressed yourself". 

Tony was stunned and surprised.   
Was she offering her hand in marriage? After one meeting?! 

"Miss Salisbury, I feel very flattered yet I fear you're being overhasty. You do not know me and I know nothing about you. I admit that there is a certain ...physical attraction. But I don't believe that is enough to get married", he tried to explain diplomatically to not hurt her feelings. 

"That's why I'm here: to find out if we are suited. All I know is that after listening to you talking to my mother my heart told me you are the one. I know this must sound like madness and yet I'm more convinced than ever. And I'm glad you mentioned the ...the physical attraction. I was afraid that it was onesided", she blushed deeply. 

"A man must be blind if he wasn't attracted to you", Tony whispered and tugged a curl behind her ear. 

She closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch.   
She looked so alluring and he had to fight against his voice of reason to not lean down and kiss her. The voice won and he pulled his hand back. 

"So? Shall we sit and talk?", he offered his arm. 

She smiled and both walked over to the seats and took each one. 

"I want to know everything about you", Miss Salisbury demanded. 

"Very well then", Tony replied chuckling. 

"Sidney? Can you come over here and help me with my hat? I fear I knotted the ribbons too tight and now I can't take it off", Charlotte turned around to him. 

"Yes, my love. Come here", he sat on the edge of their bed and made her sit on his lap. 

He started to unknot the ribbons and would stop every now and then to take a look at his beautiful wife. 

"I can't believe you still look at me the way you did on our wedding day", Charlotte confessed and put her hands on his shoulders. 

"Why would I ever stop? I told you more than once that my love will never fade away. You are my life, my love", he replied and placed her hat on the side of the bed after freeing her from her knotted ribbons. 

"And you are my life, Sidney Parker. I love you beyond measure", she whispered at his lips before kissing him softly. 

He embraced her and deepened the kiss.   
Then he heard noise from downstairs and awoke.   
Damn it!, he thought. It was only a dream.   
How long would it take until he could live those dreams in real life?   
His heart ached for Charlotte to be with him and he was sure he couldn't endure her absence any longer.   
After that sweet fulfilling dance with her he went through hell. Being only allowed to watch from afar while she bewitched everyone she met. That old man of Lord Grasmere had the audacity of dancing twice with her and being in deep conversation afterwards.   
It fueled Sidney's jealousy that Charlotte seemed to enjoy his company.   
He knew jealousy wasn't a good trait and yet he couldn't help it. He had no doubt that Charlotte loved him but he wished to be in Lord Grasmere's place.   
He sighed and rolled over in his bed. Whoever had made the noise that woke him up from this sweet dream would be killed, he decided.


	50. Chapter 50

Andrew was standing indecisive in front of 'Williams and Watson'.  
He wasn't sure if the recipient of this favour would be thankful. Yet he needed to try. 

"Good day to you, gentlemen", he greeted the men after he entered their office. 

"Ah, Andrew Salisbury. We wondered when we would see you again. It's been over a year, hasn't it?", Mr. Watson shook his hand. 

He had met both self made men in the gentlemen's club. Though not gentlemen by birth they were allowed to the club because their architect's office was a huge success and London's high society frequently engaged them to design their estates in rural areas or to restore and improve their grand city houses.   
Thankfully Andrew was a formidable listener and had remembered the conversation they had while playing cards at the club. 

"Have you finally purchased a piece of land and wish us to plan your estate?", Mr. Williams asked straightforward. 

Sensing business and knowing of Andrew's wealth he seemed quite excited. 

"Not yet, but shall I ever be in possession of my own parcel of land I'd know where to find you, gentlemen", he tried to soothe them for he knew there was nothing worse for business men than dropping by and leaving without a deal. 

Yet, he had something else in mind that he wanted to offer.

"Actually I wondered if you had invited that foreman from Sanditon a second time. Or did you just made that one offer last year?", he started and hoped his plan would work out. 

Both men exchanged a surprised look before saying: "That blockhead was foolish enough to refuse the first offer why should we bother and give him a second chance. He can stay in his small town and do the dirty work until he dies". 

"Ah, I see that you haven't heard the news. It seems the Prince Regent was very impressed by his work and is even considering engaging him for future projects", Andrew explained casually. 

"The Prince Regent?!", Mr. Watson asked in disbelief. 

"He's just a foreman, he could never live up to the prince's expectations", Mr. Williams spat. 

"Mr. Stringer is very talented and I was there to witness the prince's admiration of his works. I just came to ask you for I heard rumours that 'Evans and Stark' are planning on inviting him to even work with them. And I expect him to not turn that offer down. An apprenticeship is somehow unrewarded but to be made an employee is far better. I also heard that he only refused to come last year because his father had died in a fire and he felt like he owed it to him to finish their work. His father was the stonemason, you know. Very honourable man this young Stringer. I made his acquaintance and was positively surprised. He's very humble and modest. Anyway, I was just curious after our chat a year ago. For if the Prince Regent indeed came approaching him it would be the name of the office that employs him that would be mentioned on all the newspapers". 

Andrew was sure that he had laid the bait and now they just needed to bite. 'Evans and Stark' was the other most sought architect's office in London and both were business rivals.   
So just the mere possibility of having the Prince Regent choose 'Evans and Stark' over them must be extremely disturbing for the gentlemen standing in front of him.  
Andrew left soon after and sighed in relief once out of their view.   
In truth he had heard nothing of the sort and he was sure that 'Evans and Stark' didn't even know who Mr. Stringer was yet he had to make him look very sought after to make 'Williams and Watson' offer him a second chance and perhaps even more than an apprenticeship.   
He smiled to himself at the thought of Alison's face when Mr. Stringer would show up in London.   
After realising that Alison was already in love with the aspiring architect he decided to be a good friend.   
If he had seen any chance at winning her heart he would have allowed himself to feel a great deal more. Yet he was sure that he was gifted with the ability to control his feelings and that was what he did. He simply stopped the process of being interested in more than friendship.   
And it worked very well.   
He wasn't in the mood to return home early for he knew that his mother would chide him having only danced with the "savages" and she wouldn't stop criticising Daniela for being friends with them.   
He decided to take a walk in the park before heading home for luncheon. 

"So? When will the brat pop up?", Crowe asked Babington with a slightly drowsy voice. 

"The brat?! Really Crowe?! This child is the product of love and I refuse to have you talk like that", Babington replied annoyed. 

"Come Babbers, you know our Crowe, he meant no harm", Sidney tried to arbitrate. 

"Yes, exactly. No offense, Babbers. I just wanted to know when you'll line up to fatherhood", Crowe said now with an apologetic look. 

Babington sighed and buried his face in this hands. 

"Pardon me for being so irritable. It's just very overwhelming. Then having Esther and her aunt fight over where the child should be born makes it very, very, very real. I'm not sure I'm up to the task", Babington confessed. 

"Why should you not be? There are much bigger morons than yourself who manage to be tolerable fathers", Crowe commented dryly. 

"I don't wish to be tolerable! I wish to be the best father possible", Babington stated. 

"And you will be, you are already a great friend, son and husband. Why would you not also be a great father?! Everything will work out fine", Sidney tried to encourage his friend. 

He was a good man and Sidney wondered why he was struggling with the thought of being a bad father. Perhaps it was simply the fact that Esther was due in a few months and she and Lady Denham argued a lot about were the child should be born.   
Esther preferred London for there were more physicians who could attend to her if something went wrong. Lady Denham on the other side insisted that the child should be born in Sanditon and that a physician would be dispensable if the midwife was capable enough.   
Babington told Sidney that he understood both points of views but he would stick with his wife. Lady Denham was offended and he knew that he had to humour her too. Lady Denham was no one to mess with. 

"How is Esther doing apart from the argument with her aunt?", Sidney asked empathetic. 

The broad smile returned to Babington's face. 

"She's very well. Complains a lot of course but that is what she does - and I love it". 

"Good God, Babington. I thought you once lost but now you seem to be completely doomed. No man likes a complaining woman", Crowe stated. 

"Oh I would rather have Charlotte complaining all day long than being separated from her a second longer", Sidney objected. 

Crowe snorted: "Well, as soon as that Brereton tramp started complaining about everything I sent her off. I'd rather stay alone than-".

Babington who had been sipping his whiskey choke on it. 

"Did you say Brereton? As in Clara Brereton?", Babington asked between coughs. 

"Yes, why?", Crowe asked now annoyed. 

"Was she the one who you didn't trust enough to leave here in London alone? Is she the reason you didn't come to Sanditon?", Babington kept on asking. 

"Yes, she is ...or was. She's magnificent in bed but-".

"We don't want to hear any details", Sidney interrupted him now. 

"Why do you keep looking at me like I've committed a crime?", Crowe looked quizzical at his friends. 

"Well not a crime in the common sense but I had hoped to never hear her name or the name of Edward Denham ever again", Babington clarified. 

"From now on you won't hear anything more about her. I'm done with her. It's safe to stick with Mrs. Harris girls. They are at least not as demanding. Speaking of which ...anyone of you care to join me?", Crowe said while standing up.   
"Ah I see, it would seem I have lost my old friends to...love", he continued teasingly before slapping both on the back. 

Then he left and Sidney looked worried at Babington. 

"I hope he stays away from her. She's very manipulative and she would do everything to survive. Esther will be shocked to hear that she's here in London too", Babington said and rubbed his eyes. 

"Still you should tell her. Imagine what would happen if they accidentally met. Especially now in Esther's state it's better to have her prepared for the case they do".

Babington smiled and teased: "Since when have you become so reasonable?!". 

Sidney chuckled and answered: "I was once told I'm the sensible of the Parker brothers and I hope to live up to that. How long are you staying in London?".

"It depends on how long Esther wants to stay away from her aunt. But I suppose we are staying at least until ...your wedding", Babington answered cautiously. 

It was like an ice cold hand had gripped his heart. 

"There will be no wedding. I can't do it. I've considered staging my death and then coming back with a new identity if Lady Susan's plan doesn't work out".

"Wow! You must be very desperate. Have you spoken to your love about your plan? As much as I know of her she wouldn't have it. She's far too sensible to approve of such a mad idea".

"Yes, she wouldn't. I know it's madness but I am determined and under no circumstances am I to marry Eliza. I'm just hoping to find a peaceful way to end things. I'd hate to have Charlotte harmed by the scandal that might arise". 

"And what about the finances? Is everything settled now? My offer still stands, dear friend?", Babington enquired. 

"Three days ago Lady Susan sent me a big envelope with some requests for investing in Sanditon. The sum is not fully paid yet though I'm optimistic that it will be in time". 

Both gentlemen finished their drinks and headed to Melrose Place.   
Babington to pick up Esther who had decided to visit the ladies who resided there. And Sidney to see Charlotte.   
He had visited every day now yet she was always busy and never came down into the drawing room. He suspected that she was avoiding him but he had no idea why. At the gathering a few days ago everything seemed to be perfect between them.   
Yet Charlotte's absence gave him more time to spend with Georgiana and Alison - and Tony whenever he was home. Sidney had seen him walking in the park with Lady Salisbury's daughter twice now. They were always accompanied by her brother.   
Tony's eyes would shine and he would flush whenever Georgiana or Alison teased him about Daniela Salisbury. Tony was obviously smitten with the young lady.   
Though it was a dangerous game to play. Lady Salisbury would never approve of the liaison and she would sell her own grandmother to make sure her children married advantageously.   
Sidney hoped that if they truly intended to marry they would find a way. He liked Tony very much and wished him to be happy.   
When they arrived they were let inside and directed to the drawing room.   
Charlotte had been laughing seconds before they entered the room and his chest filled with the warmth of her soft laugh.   
She spotted him and her face showed torment. 

"I have a sudden headache and would like to retreat to my room. Thank you for your visit, Esther, and take care. Lord Babington, Mr. Parker, good day to you gentlemen", she left the room before he fully understood what had happened. 

But when he did he was about to follow her upstairs when Georgiana came to stand in his way. 

"Sorry, but I can't let you do that", she said and shook her head. 

"Why not? What is going on? She's not really having a headache is she?".

"I don't know but I do know that she's not in the mood to see you. So, I would ask you to respect her wishes and leave it be". 

Not in the mood to see him?, he thought confused. Why not? Was there a mistake he had made? Did he offend her? 

"Stop thinking about it. Just give her the time she needs and don't push your presence on her. She'll find you when she's ready", Georgiana advised him. 

How on earth to stop thinking about one's love who didn't want to see him anymore?!  
The room felt suddenly too stuffy and Sidney made a hasty escape. He wished he was in Sanditon and could take a swim at his cove to cool down. 

Her head was indeed aching...from all the tears she had cried. Lady Susan was right, it wasn't easy. Yet she didn't deter from her decision.   
Her nightmares showed her exactly how her life with Sidney would look like.  
And moreover all the buried feelings bubbled up now. The fact that he had kissed her and promised to continue their conversation on his return and then coming back engaged to none other than Eliza Campion, his first love, the woman whose rejection almost killed him years ago: it was just too much to bear. She felt deceived and hurt.   
Who could grant her that it wouldn't happen again? She realised that her trust in Sidney wasn't as strong as it had been last year.   
If he was forced to save his family again and he left her or resented her for having no fortune her heart would break again and would never mend.   
No! There was no way she could accept him even if he somehow managed to free himself.   
Yet, just the thought of never seeing his smile again or hearing his deep voice talking nicely to her made her heart heavy. She sighed, took her cough mixture and crawled into her bed.   
Tomorrow the doctor would check on her again and she hoped that he had good news. She wanted to leave London as soon as possible and she was only allowed to return home after having restored her health again.   
Soon Charlotte fell asleep after thinking about Willingden and her family. 

James was very surprised to receive another letter from 'Williams and Watson' after they had made it clear that their offer was a once in a lifetime chance and that they needed someone who would make his work at 'Williams and Watson' a priority and not someone who would ask a year later if he was still permitted to come.   
James had been devastated six days ago. He hadn't told anyone (not even his friend Fred Robinson) for he was ashamed of losing the apprenticeship.   
Yet he didn't regret the decision he had made last year. It was the least he could do to honour his father after their parting in disagreement.   
Why did the gentlemen bother to write a second time within a week?   
He opened the letter and scanned it before he had to sit down. 

'Mr. Stringer, 

It is our great pleasure to offer you a new opportunity. Our former apprentice has finished his studies and is moving to Bristol.   
We want you to take his place for we had word that your refusal last year arose from your duty towards your late father and not because you decided to let a good opportunity pass by. If you prove to be as talented as your sketches display we might even employ you.  
Please send us your answer as soon as possible.  
Sincerely Williams and Watson etc.'

It was a welcome surprise but James kept wondering who had told them about his father. Lady Worcester, perhaps?   
But why would she go through all the trouble?  
It was a conundrum to him and he decided to think about it later.   
Now he had a letter to write and things to pack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and for your patience ❤❤❤


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay 😔

His moody attitude was getting on her nerves and she wouldn't accept any of this behaviour once they were married. She had sent him three notes the past two days and he didn't react to any of them!   
That feeling of anxiety started to take over again. She hurried to the window and inhaled deeply in and out. This time she was determined to handle the situation without Marie.   
She still refused to accept that his feelings might not be the same they were eleven years ago. Yet back then he would have never left her without an answer or an explanation for his absence. Some of her friends had spotted him with Lord Babington and Mr. Crowe. And he had been seen in the park walking alone and deep in thoughts.   
Being deep in thoughts was never a good sign with Sidney. Something was on his mind and she hoped it wasn't another woman. She wouldn't accept another setback!   
If he dared to hurt her pride she would make him regret it his whole life! Nobody was to mess with her again!   
She began to calm down a little when Marie came in and announced that a visitor was waiting for her in the drawing room.   
Finally! This must be Sidney, she thought and told Marie that she would come down in a minute.   
Downstairs she was surprised to find Lady Salisbury. 

"Oh, I wasn't expecting you, my dear", Eliza greeted her friend and tried to conceal her disappointment. 

"Obviously. I suppose you've been waiting for that ne'er-do-well of fiancé of yours?", she asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Eliza didn't reply for she was too embarrassed. 

"Indeed, I don't understand why you don't give him his marching orders. You could do so much better. He has no fortune and no title. I know there is history but surely it's not worth being stuck with him and his awkward family! Just look who they befriend...those savages are always around ...and then his ward! You don't want to be connected to them", Lady Salisbury continued. 

"But it's Sidney! And all of London envies me for having him at last. That he was loyal to me over a decade. I don't know of any other man who had done the same. All settle down for someone sooner or later. Yet Sidney didn't. And after my marriage to that old idiot I am ready to have a husband who's my age", Eliza defended her decision. 

"I hope you know what you're doing. Just so you know, whenever you are in company of his silly siblings or his ward I will turn away and pretend to not know you. Heaven forbid I am to be seen near them!", Lady Salisbury informed her. 

Eliza couldn't help but feel a little sting. She was well aware that her friend was rather superficial and that she would act only in ways that benefitted her. Yet she was hurt that she would pretend in front of others that they were strangers to each other. 

"I'll try to reduce the intercourse with his family to a minimum", Eliza promised her friend. 

"Really, Eliza! There are so many lords waiting for someone like you and you are so focused on that silly romantic idea. I'm telling you his not worth it and you will rather lose than gain a better position in London society". 

Eliza sighed and replied: "Have you just come here to criticise me? I don't have time for that. I still have a wedding to prepare and-".

"Which is exactly my point! You shouldn't go through with it. I didn't come to criticise. I've come to give you good advice. You know what, just think about it at least. I'll call on you in a few days again. Good day to you". 

Lady Salisbury left and Eliza dwelt on her thoughts - and started doubting if she was truly doing the right thing in marrying Sidney.   
She thought back to when they were younger. All the stolen kisses and the butterflies in her stomach. She yearned to feel all that again once she married him. Yet there had been signs that it might not be the same as the last time. In fact they hadn't kissed at all. He had kissed her hands several times and she had turned her cheeks towards him to let him kiss her but he never made an advance to kiss her properly.   
And whenever she had tried to seduce him by touching his thigh or stroking his shoulder he would push her away.   
She had believed it was because he forced himself to be in self control and not because he might not have strong feelings for her.   
What if he wouldn't share any caresses with her during their marriage? Would she miss it? Or was it something she could abstain from?

Charlotte breathed slowly in and out before the doctor moved his ear from one side of her back to the other side. 

"Very well, Miss Heywood. I hear no signs of an infection anymore. How about the symptoms journal I asked you to keep?", he said once he had finished with his examination. 

Charlotte fetched the small notebook and handed it to the doctor.   
He scanned the pages and then smiled. 

"Very good. No coughing in five days. I would still ask you to continue drinking the cough mixture until next week and then I'll revisit to form a final opinion. But I am already very content with your progress. Soon enough you'll be completely recovered again".

"Thank you so much, Sir. Until next week then", Charlotte was very relieved to hear that there was at least some good news today. 

Perhaps next week she could be on her way home again. She missed her parents and her siblings so much and yearned to kiss and hug all of them.   
She had decided that she would travel alone for Alison had so much fun in London with Georgiana and Andrew. She wouldn't deprive her of that.   
After yesterday's tears she felt much better today. She accepted that the process of letting Sidney go would be more hurtful than imagined and she allowed herself to feel all the range of emotions.   
Today she was proud of him for saving his family. Thinking of how he managed to do that was still hurtful and yet she couldn't help but admire the transformation he had made since their first meeting. She thought back to all the tongue lashings and fights and had to giggle. Their hot temper was something they shared in equal measure. It would have been interesting to see how it would fare in a relationship: if they would fight endlessly or if they would learn to compromise.   
Charlotte cut off that thought for it was a waste of time to think about something that would never be.   
She stood up and walked over to the library to seek comfort in her beloved books. 

It was a sunny day in London and a party of five people was taking a walk in Green Park. The cherry blossoms were past their full bloom and every member of the party seemed happy.   
Georgiana, Alison and Andrew were walking ahead and told each other funny stories. They laughed a lot and attracted some people looking at them curiously.   
The two secret lovers were a few feet behind them and falling more and more for each other. 

"So Alison, have you received an interesting letter recently?", Andrew asked her suddenly. 

"No. Why would you ask?".

"Just a feeling, something interesting might happen soon", he answered smirking. 

Alison exchanged confused looks with Georgiana who shrugged. 

"Anyhow, do you have a plan how to cheer Charlotte up?", Andrew interrogated. 

Georgiana and Alison sighed heavily in unison. 

"She insists that it is getting easier from day to day as long as she can escape into other worlds with her books. Though tomorrow she's coming with us here for the doctor had ordered that she takes a walk twice a day. I don't understand why she's giving up now that Lady Susan seems to be closer to finding a way to end the engagement", Alison commented. 

"I do understand her. As much as I love Otis, I don't know if I can trust him again. I suppose Charlotte feels the same way about Sidney. Somehow he betrayed her and can't expect her to keep waiting for him forever. Giving Sidney up is her attempt to protect her bruised heart", Georgiana explained. 

"Yet in letting him go she is hurting only more than before. I hope she'll change her mind as soon as Sidney is indeed freed from Mrs. Campion", Alison said hopeful. 

"I have no doubt she will. Everyone blessed with eyesight can see how much they are in love. I wonder how that Harpy can be so blind. On the other hand ladies of the beau monde are raised to turn off everything that does not please them. My sister is an exception. She is very perceptive and opens up to every emotion", Andrew chipped in. 

"That cold-hearted witch isn't capable of feelings at all. She simply wants to possess Sidney to make everyone believe what a great love story they have. How mistaken she is!", Georgiana stated vexed. 

"Well, I'm looking forward to the day that she will realise the truth. Though I doubt that it will make her a better person. Her disdain and her opinion of you 'savages' will be the worst", Andrew said and made the two ladies laugh. 

When he spotted them in the distance he felt his heart skip a beat. They must have made some progress in their relationship for Alison was walking next to Andrew Salisbury. Miss Lambe, Miss Salisbury and an unknown gentleman were accompanying them.   
He hadn't expected to see Alison or Charlotte on his first day in London yet he had seen sweet Alison.   
She looked worried first but then Andrew Salisbury managed to make her laugh. He would at least make her happy, James thought to himself.   
He had considered visiting Lady Worcester and the young ladies at some point but now he decided to stay away.   
Anyway, he had to concentrate on his work. If he did well he could be an employee in a few weeks! Just thinking about it made him feel giddy. He still didn't know how Mr. Williams and Mr. Watson came to change their mind yet he didn't complain. He would take every opportunity given and try to make the best of it. 

Actually Charlotte was in no mood to be sociable yet she couldn't deny Diana's wish to have them all celebrate with her. Charlotte was more than happy to hear that she was engaged now. Diana and her fiancé had decided to celebrate with a small soiree. Only family and closest friends were invited.   
Charlotte dreaded seeing Sidney again   
...and with her. Yet it would eventually help her get over him when she was to see them together.   
Lady Susan had gifted the girls with new dresses for the occasion. Charlotte's was dark blue and made of muslin. She was content with her appearance upon looking into the mirror. Lady Susan's lady's maid had the task to dress all the ladies' hair. Charlotte's hair was done up and some curls escaped the chignon. A dark blue ribbon was part of her hairdo and Lady Susan insisted on lending her sapphire earrings which completed her elegant look.   
Alison and Georgiana gasped when they saw her the first time and Charlotte felt flushed. 

"Charlotte! You look like royalty", Alison exclaimed in awe. 

"Sidney might faint when he lays eyes on you today", Georgiana commented giggling. 

"You two look very beautiful yourself!", Charlotte tried to distract them from herself. 

Alison was wearing a light blue dress that suited her very well. Georgiana had decided to wear a black one for it was a sad day if she had to sit for hours in the same room as Mrs. Campion (at least that was what she said). 

"Look at you! No one would believe you grew up as farmer's daughters. I wish mother could see you now. She would be very delighted and proud", Tony walked over to his sisters and kissed each affectionately on her cheek. 

"She would be the same of you for you look very elegant yourself", Charlotte said and looked at him from head to toe. 

When Lady Susan was ready (she was wearing a purple dress of taffeta) they took the carriage to Bedford Place and were the last guests to arrive.   
Charlotte greeted Arthur and Diana very affectionate and was happy to make the acquaintance of the Milford brothers. After a curtsy towards Sidney and Mrs. Campion she tried to distract herself with conversations with everyone else. Strangely neither Sidney nor Mrs. Campion engaged in either of the ongoing conversations. In fact both seemed to have occupied minds.   
Yet Charlotte could feel his gaze on her almost constantly. Therefore her skin was tingling most of the time. 

"Charlotte my dear, I found the novel we've been talking about lately. It's in the library upstairs. I can have a servant bring it now if you like?", Diana told Charlotte after dinner. 

"That's wonderful. But don't bother the servants. I can go myself", Charlotte offered after seeing an opportunity to escape the room and have some minutes to herself. 

After Diana's consent she hurried upstairs. She started looking for Ann Radcliffe's novel and had just taken it in her hands when the tingling started again. Oh no! 

This time he ignored Georgiana's advice and followed her. It had been an agony to watch her all evening. She was so beautiful and when she had entered Bedford Place he felt his knees go weak. So much elegance and grace and beauty inside and out was too much for him to handle.   
Yet she hadn't talked to him at all and he needed to know why she was being like this. 

"Charlotte, we need to talk! You need to tell me what's going on", he whispered once he stood in the library, closing the door quietly. 

"You should leave. It is not appropriate to be here alone with you. Please, Mr. Parker", Charlotte's voice was resolute. 

"No, I'm not leaving until you tell me why you can't look me in the eyes and why you are avoiding me".

"Mr. Parker, please leave now! There is nothing to tell and-", she began. 

"Did I offend you unknowingly? Did I make a mistake?", he interrupted her with tears in his eyes.

Finally she looked up and they locked eyes. 

"Mr. Parker, I am determined to let you go. Why are you making it any harder for us?". 

Let him go? Why? And why now that Lady Susan was on to something?  
Or did her feelings change?   
Millions of thoughts were running through his mind. 

"Look, I'm just taking your advice. My world feels indeed undone without you and I need to put you from my mind", she explained and for the first time this evening her voice was very soft. 

"Your feelings didn't change then?", he asked her hopeful. 

Charlotte closed her eyes and sighed. 

"Never", she whispered while opening her eyes again. 

Her eyes were glistening with tears and it made her all the more beautiful in the dim candle light. The fact that she still loved him brought him relief and joy. 

"My love!", he whispered back before he acted visceral and leaned down. 

Their lips touched and he could feel Charlotte's surprise. Yet she responded quickly by returning the kiss. Sidney felt like his heart was going to burst with happiness and love. He was about to deepen the kiss when Charlotte must have realised what they were doing and stepped back. She covered her face with her hands and cried. 

"No, no, no! This should not have happened!", she exclaimed while the tears kept streaming down her face. "You cheated on your future wife with me!".

"She will never be my wife. Even if Lady Susan's plan fails I will end the engagement myself!".

"You can't! You made a promise. What kind of gentleman are you if you don't honour a pledge?!".

"An honest one. I cannot stand in front of god and my family and promise to love and honour her if my heart belongs to someone else!", Sidney slightly raised his voice. 

Why couldn't she accept the fact that it was impossible for him to marry Eliza?! In his eyes it was far more dishonourable to marry her and make her unhappy than to hurt her pride now. 

"You said yourself that you have to fulfill your side of the bargain", Charlotte objected. 

"I did. But she didn't fulfill hers so I don't have to fulfill mine, do I?!". 

She looked up in surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much ❤❤❤


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I'm very sorry for the delay 😔  
> Sunday was my birthday and since then I had night shifts which are over since this morning. So I hope the next chapters will be uploaded with no further delay.
> 
> Keep safe and stay healthy ❤❤❤

"I don't understand", Charlotte said confused, her lips still tingling from the kiss which she had enjoyed far more than she should have, given the circumstances. 

"She didn't send Tom the money. At least not all of it. We had agreed on a certain amount of money to be given to Tom before the wedding and she decided two weeks ago to stop her financial support until after the wedding. That means she's not fulfilling the bargain and I don't see why I should still marry her. I have no obligation after her violation of the agreement".

"Oh don't you understand what she is trying to do? She must be desperate to marry you and therefore she's keeping her money to herself to ensure that you'll definitely marry her". 

"I don't care about her plans. All I care about is to be with YOU!", Sidney tried to take her hands in his again but she stepped back. 

"Mr. Parker, I ask you to refrain from speaking like that. Now please, let me pass", she said as coldly as she could. 

Sidney seemed to be taken aback for he indeed let her pass and she fled downstairs to the others. She couldn't listen to him talking in that way and she couldn't let him talk like that. What if he spoke publicly like that and word got to Mrs. Campion?! No, she needed to protect him and herself now.   
It was half an hour later when Sidney came back to join the party.   
"Where have you been?", Charlotte heard Mrs. Campion hiss when he came to stand next to her.   
"I needed some fresh air", Sidney mumbled and looked at the glass in his hand.   
He looked miserable and Charlotte felt guilty for being the reason of his misery.   
Soon after Mrs. Campion asked him to accompany her home and he did as asked. 

"I never liked the idea of Sidney being married to her", Arthur suddenly said in a low tone behind her. 

She turned around and he smiled at her though frowning and looking worried. 

"There is only one person who makes him light up and be the most enjoyable Sidney I ever knew", he continued. 

"I hope Mrs. Campion will be that person very soon. He needs to accept his fate", Charlotte stated low. 

"I'm not an expert on matters of the heart but I can assure you that Sidney will never find happiness with her. He's very loyal and once you are in possession of his heart it is forever. If you send him away it might kill him", Arthur spoke earnest. 

"Don't exaggerate, Arthur. He might be miserable for a few weeks but he won't die", Charlotte tried to convince him. 

"No! Look what happened after Mrs. Campion let him go. And that wasn't nearly as deep a love as you two share. I have never seen my brother so devoted to someone. So much under someone's spell and power. My dear Charlotte, he is yours and yours forever". 

Charlotte swallowed for she never heard Arthur speak so serious. 

"Don't ruin both your lives. Try to find a way to be together", he added, patted her hand and then walked back to Frederick Milford. 

Sidney's heart was aching and it felt like it would stop beating any minute. He couldn't bear her cold tone and her determination to let him go. Every second apart from her was spent in agony and he felt sick. Just the thought of losing her made him go mad. He refused to be sent away.   
Deep down he kept praying that she would change her mind as soon as he was freed from Eliza. What reason would be left to not be together?   
If she truly loved him she would accept his proposal and make him the happiest of all men once he was allowed to propose properly. 

"Sidney? I know you left planning the wedding entirely to me yet I would like to know which destination you'd prefer for our honeymoon. I like the idea of Italy for I gather it is very romantic and I yearn for a sunny place", Eliza spoke while starting to undo her hair. 

Sidney looked away and didn't reply.   
He knew that it wasn't the place that made a honeymoon romantic. It was rather who you're spending it with. If Charlotte was his bride they could spend it in Willingden or Sanditon or Bristol or even London and it would be the most romantic experience. But with Eliza ...he felt sick again. 

"Really Sidney! Is it too much to ask to know your mind? How do you expect me to be a devoted and caring wife when you don't share your thoughts with me?", Eliza exclaimed annoyed. 

"Rest assured, I don't expect anything from you", Sidney replied similarly annoyed. 

"That's impossible. All men have expectations", she snorted. 

"I'm not all men, am I?! Please, don't talk about our honeymoon again until we are married", he asked of her. 

He didn't want to occupy his mind with thoughts of a honeymoon that would hopefully never come true when he could instead dream of spending his whole life with Charlotte.   
Finally they arrived in front of her London house. She had managed to free her hair of all pins and it was let down.   
It suited her very well and Sidney's mind flashed back to a sunny afternoon eleven years ago when both had sneaked away to steal kisses. At some point Sidney had let her hair down and had admired her beauty before kissing her again.   
He shook the memory off and opened the door to help her descend the carriage.   
She took his hand and jumped out of the carriage. 

Then she pulled him towards her and whispered into his ear: "If you want to get a glimpse of how our honeymoon could be you may come in and spend the night here". 

Perhaps she believed to be very seductive with her blond hair pressed on his chest and with her sweet voice. But all it did to Sidney was ail him.   
He remembered the time where this invitation would have made him happy and that he would have accepted without hesitation. Then she decided to hurt him and all he felt whenever she tried to be nice to him was pain. He had wasted a decade of his life and gambled so much away.   
He freed himself from her and went back inside the carriage. 

"I told you I don't want to be touched and you shouldn't rather until... until the wedding", he said firmly and closed the door. 

The carriage took off and Eliza was left alone in front of her house. Sidney had noticed a surprised and hurt look in her eyes. Yet there was nothing he could do than to leave her there for he was afraid that she would try to kiss him again or worse.   
Coming closer to Bedford Place he hoped that Charlotte would still be there for he needed to speak to her again.   
When he arrived their carriage was just driving away. He had missed her and his heart kept aching. Every breath he took hurt for it felt like he had a rock on his chest suffocating him.   
"What are you doing to me, Charlotte?!", he whispered into the night before he stepped into the house and escaped immediately to his room in need of solitude. 

James was still trying to find his way back to the office. London was so big and it was the second time since his arrival that he was lost. Mr. Watson had asked him to deliver a letter to a very important client and he had done as asked. Now he seemed to be near a park and he didn't know how to get back to the main street. He was looking out for waiting coaches to ask a coachman for directions. 

"What a surprise to see you here, Mr. Stringer! How long have you been in London and how long will you stay here?", a voice from afar called.

He turned around to find Andrew Salisbury and Alison walking towards him. Behind them he saw his sister and that gentleman he didn't know. And behind them were Charlotte and Lady Babington. 

"I've arrived five days ago and I'm not sure yet how long I'll be bound to London", he managed to say. 

"Five days?! And you never thought of paying beautiful Alison a visit?", Andrew Salisbury asked smirking. 

"Andrew, please. Stop it. Don't embarrass, Mr. Stringer. It is very nice to see you again. I assume you are here for your apprenticeship?", Alison said smiling warmly. 

She already called him by his Christian name. Which could only mean that they must be very close - perhaps even secretly engaged. 

"Yes, you are right. I'm here for the apprenticeship. I didn't call on you for I didn't want to impose. I believed you to be very busy here in London", he tried to explain his absence. 

"Oh Mr. Stringer your presence is never an imposition. We are friends, are we not?", Alison replied and he felt a sting in his heart. 

Unfortunately only friends, he added in mind. 

"Yes, we are", he tried to smile. 

"So, how do you like London so far?", Andrew Salisbury chipped in. 

"It is very noisy and full of people. But I do enjoy admiring the buildings here". 

"The buildings are indeed stunning, are they not? I love the Southwark bridge. Have you seen it yet?", Alison asked with shining eyes. 

"No I didn't have the pleasure yet", James admitted. 

"Perhaps you and Mr. Stringer could take a walk and visit the bridge sometime?!", Andrew Salisbury suggested still smirking. 

James could feel himself blushing and noticed Alison being flushed too.

"If Mr. Stringer wishes to go, I'd be delighted", she stammered shyly. 

"I'd like that very much", he answered. 

"It's settled then!", Andrew Salisbury exclaimed and smiled at both of them. 

Why was Andrew Salisbury trying to set him and Alison up? Did his feelings change and he was passing her now over to James to get rid of her? If that was the case James would avenge her honour by duelling him! He was very confused and didn't understand the whole situation. He also needed to go back soon.

"Unfortunately I need to go now. I should have been back to the office half an hour ago but I seem to be lost", confessed slightly embarrassed. 

Andrew Salisbury gave him the right directions and he took leave. When he reached the edge of the park he saw Lady Salisbury hurrying towards the group and looking very furious. 

Charlotte tried to concentrate on Esther's monologue but her mind was distracted and busy with Sidney and the imminent wedding. Eighteen days were left and although Charlotte tried to be strong she was still suffering a lot.   
In her nightmares she had to watch over and over again Sidney leaving her at the altar and marrying Mrs. Campion. Kissing his new bride passionately and telling Charlotte: "Thank you for letting me go. Now I can have my happiness with Eliza". Everytime she woke up and cried for at least an hour before falling asleep again out of exhaustion. 

"You are definitely not listening to me, Charlotte. If I'm boring you, you may say so and we can meet another time", Esther commented dryly. 

"No, no, I'm sorry, Esther. I'm just-".

"Thinking of Sidney?! Of course you are. I hope that this will soon come to an end. I can't bear to have him at our home everyday, speaking hours to Babington and then leaving as miserable as he arrived. Once you are married, you'll keep him occupied, won't you?", Esther interrupted her. 

"We are not to be wed, so you must ask Mrs. Campion to-".

"You must speak in jest! Surely you are marrying him. There is no other option. For Sidney it's either you or death. He's acting like a tragic hero in a romance novel. Though I must say he plays his role quite well", Esther objected and was about to add something when both were forced to stop in their tracks.   
They had reached the rest of the group and Lady Salisbury was approaching them. Her anger and dismay were clearly displayed on her face.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and leaving comments ❤❤❤

"You know I'm always having your back. But you need to reevaluate the whole situation. If mother keeps word he might get into trouble. I'm sure she can arrange something to hurt him and his family", Andrew emphasized. 

"If I cannot be with him I won't be happy ever again", Daniela exclaimed desperate.   
"I've never felt connected to anyone like I do to him. Despite our different backgrounds! I cannot and I will not live without him".

"I did not ask you to, I just ask you to be careful. Don't run away. It will make everything more difficult. Please. You need to trust me. I'll find a way to change their minds", Andrew explained and made his sister sit down. 

"How Andrew? You saw her face, her anger! And now I'm trapped here and only allowed to leave the house with her or papa!", Daniela started to cry and her brother embraced her. 

It was indeed a very unpleasant scene to watch when Lady Salisbury came hurrying by like a mad woman and hauling off her daughter from her friends while shouting at Anthony Heywood that she never wished to see him nearby her daughter ever again.   
And yet Andrew had an idea how to convince at least his father that Daniela was better off with Anthony Heywood than any other man.   
His mother would definitely be much harder to convince. He still felt ashamed for the uproar she caused in the park. Lady Babington tried to interfere but his mother was blind with rage, she didn't seem to realise what she was doing. 

"I promise I'll find a way for you two to be together", he announced and let go of her.   
"Now go upstairs and rest while I think of a brilliant plan", he added smiling warmly at her.

Daniela hugged him again, kissed him on his cheek and then left with tears still streaming down her face.   
As soon as he would have convinced his father he needed help with his mother. She needed to be told to accept the Heywoods - yet only someone very influential might tell her so to make her oblige.   
He paced the room when it dawned on him: Lady Susan would be perfect for doing so!   
Being friends with the Heywoods and Georgiana made them see each other frequently and she offered friendship to Daniela and him too. Surely she would know what to do!

Georgiana kept reading the letter over and over and over again. Despite her better judgement she felt her stomach flutter again. His words still managed to make her heartbeat accelerate and her knees weak. After all those months nothing had changed about her feelings for him. And perhaps they never would.   
Her friends had decided to take a walk with Lady Babington but she had declined in order to think about the letter. 

'My dearest and beloved Georgiana, 

I'm still your humble servant and my heart still belongs to you. At the moment my unit is based at Portugal. I have no idea when I will be back to England.   
Yet you should know that you are the only reason for me to come back.   
I love you and always will.  
Yours Otis Molyneux'

Portugal. It was still Europe and compared to Antigua not far away. Si he was closer than she believed him to be and yet she didn't know if she was happy to have him back someday or if she was rather hoping that they may never cross paths again.   
It was all very confusing and she knew that no one could help her with the decision may the day come and Otis be back. 

Anthony Heywood couldn't contain his anger. Never had anyone embarrassed him as much as Lady Salisbury. And more so his sisters too! 

"Please, sit down, Tony. You are not going to find a solution by pacing this room like crazy", Alison tried to make him relax. 

"I cannot let her get away with it! I am a human being as herself and no one deserves such a treatment!", he exclaimed furious. 

As much as Daniela and he had connected during the past days he wasn't sure if this was indeed worth it. He could easily imagine her to be his wife because they agreed on so many things and also shared the same view of the world. Yet ...how would Christmas pass? Would their children only have one pair of grandparents (his parents) to visit? Would Andrew be allowed to come and see his nieces and nephews?   
Wait! Tony was surprised how far ahead he was already planning. It felt right to do so. His feelings for Daniela were deep and he had to admit that he wanted her to be a part of his life.   
Yet he never imagined his children to be avoided by their grandparents or uncle. He wouldn't want Daniela to be excluded from all the family's traditions and gatherings just because she was married to him. And despite having the devil as mother - she was still her mother and everyone needed one. He sighed and slumped down on a seat. 

"Perhaps I should just leave. What a mess! Papa sent me to make sure you two are alright and I managed to get myself into trouble", Tony stated and buried his face in his hands. 

"I won't tell you what to do, Tony. But if you decide to leave you should at least say goodbye to Daniela. And perhaps write a note or letter to explain why", Charlotte said calmly. 

"No, Tony! You can't run away. Lady Salisbury would think she did right and we cannot let her have the pleasure of winning", Alison objected. 

"Sometimes accepting defeat is wiser than continuing to fight", Charlotte commented low with her gaze fixed on the floor. 

"This cannot be true! Just because you decided to give up on Sidney, this doesn't mean that Tony should do the same! Some of us still believe in love, Charlotte!", Alison yelled at her sister. 

Charlotte seemed to be shocked by the way Alison reacted to her simple statement.   
Tony detected tears in her eyes before she stood up.

"Excuse me", Charlotte whispered with a broken voice before she left the room in a hurry. 

"Charlotte wait! I didn't mean to hurt you!", Alison shouted behind her and was about to follow her. 

"No, give her some time alone", Tony said and dragged her back into the room. 

"I do not recognise her anymore! She never gave up so easily", Alison said and was almost crying too. 

"Look, she is hurting for months now. I suppose she's just exhausted and tired of it all. Especially since Sidney keeps promising that they'll be together soon and nothing is really happening. Charlotte's ordeal is nothing compared to my struggles and yet I feel tired of it too. She was very strong and still is. Just let us give her time and all the support she asks of us. I'm sure as soon as Sidney is free everything else will fall into place and we'll have our happy and vivid Charlotte back", Tony explained while stroking his sister's back to calm her down. 

Both stayed seated in the drawing room. Each one with a spinning mind. 

Lady Susan wasn't home when Andrew called on her but was invited to wait inside until she'd be back. He was to wait in her study and examined the many books on the shelfs. He was so occupied with doing so that he didn't realise an hour had passed since his arrival. 

"I am sorry to have let you wait for so long yet I wasn't expecting you", Lady Susan said while entering her study. 

"Forgive my intrusion, my Lady", he bowed and apologised. 

"Not at all. In fact I would have asked you to come and see me either way", she expressed while sitting down. 

"Oh?", he raised an eyebrow.

"I made an interesting discovery while having some business to attend to. Mr. Watson informed me of their new apprentice who might even become a partner some day".

"He did? I wonder who that might be", he replied smirking. 

"My dear boy, I suppose you had your hand in this. Why would you do Alison such a favour? There was a time I believed you very interested in her being more than a friend", she stated calmly. 

"I like to see people I value happy", he said shrugging. 

"You do? That's interesting. And what is it then you plan on doing for your sister and Anthony Heywood?", she asked coming straight to his reason for visiting. 

"I had hoped you could provide some inspiration for you are the queen of good ideas", he replied winking.

Lady Susan blushed slightly and asked with a frown on her face: "Are you philandering with me?".

He thought about it for a second and then chuckled. 

"Why not? You are an attractive woman with many qualities", he said bashfully. 

"How flattering. Yet I could almost be your mother in age, my dear boy", Lady Susan tried to sound nonchalant. 

"That's hardly true ...and it's a good thing then you are not", he stated. 

He really started to warm up to the thought of courting her. At least as soon as the prince would set her free.

"Back to your sister and Tony. What have you planned so far?", she asked and leaned a little forward. 

He was gone for two hours now and she still kept thinking about their conversation. Andrew appeared to be a good man. Helping Alison and now his sister to be with the men they desired.   
She had agreed to help with the part of convincing his mother though she had to admit to herself that it would prove to be quite difficult.   
When Tony, Charlotte and Alison came home down hearted and angry yesterday she had made them tell her the whole story. She was quite shocked for she had believed Lady Salisbury to be much more in control of her emotions. Clearly she was mistaken. Andrew had promised to send her a note as soon as his father was on his sister's side to set everything else in motion.   
She blushed again as her thoughts trailed off to Andrew. It was foolish of her to entertain such thoughts - yet she was only a human being ...and everyone wished to be desired somehow.   
She had the Prince Regent but she was sure that at some point he would toss her away for a younger mistress.   
She shook her head. Even if she was free someday she would surely not let that young lad court her. He could have any woman and shouldn't be stuck with someone who's twelve years his senior.  
Lady Susan decided to check on her protégés.   
Charlotte hadn't left her room since yesterday and Alison confessed that she might have been a little harsh to her sister and that she felt horrible about it.   
Georgiana also seemed to keep preferably to herself and had later confided in Lady Susan that another letter from Otis Molyneux had arrived and that it made her feel very confused.   
Tony on the other side started to bury himself in books and pretended to be working for university as he was due to leave in a week for the new lectures would start then.   
She was about to knock on Charlotte's door when a footman approached her and handed her a letter.   
It was from Farnworth Abbey.   
Too excited and anxious to wait any longer she seated herself on the stairs and read the letter as fast as possible.   
Then she stood up and gathered Alison and Georgiana to join her in her study. 

"What's wrong? You seem to be in quite a state", Georgiana observed. 

"Oh my dear ones, I promised I would tell you and Sidney first! I believe we will be soon attending a wedding we have all been waiting for so long", she said and couldn't contain her relief and laughed. 

"Oh Lady Susan, does this mean Sidney is saved and free to marry our Charlotte?", Alison asked in disbelief. 

Lady Susan nodded and all three ladies joined in group hugging.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am pleased to read that you like the idea of Andrew and Lady Susan 😊
> 
> So, the part with Eliza Campion had been written in December last year for this whole story has been in my mind since the weekend after the series/season 1 finale in October 2019. 
> 
> Thank you ❤❤❤

Andrew breathed in and stepped into his father's study.   
His father was reading a book and didn't even look up when he entered. 

"I told you more than once that this study is my personal space. So if you come here to discuss some gossip with me, you better leave now, Henrietta, for I am not going to put this book down for that. We can talk later", he mumbled while turning a page of his book. 

"Actually I'm here to discuss something far more important", Andrew said confidently. 

His father looked up in surprise. 

"Son! I'm sorry, your mother keeps on running in here and disturbing me. Come sit and have a drink with me", his father invited him. 

He accepted the drink and took the seat opposite his father. 

"So? What is it you need to discuss?", his father asked frowning. 

"Daniela", he simply replied. 

His father sighed and put his book away now. 

"Is this the only topic in this house? Your mother won't stop speaking about it and now you too?!". 

"I'm sorry, father, but Daniela's happiness is a concern of mine. I just came here to ask you if you wish for her to lead the same life as you did so far".

"Excuse me? I do not understand your meaning?". 

"Would you wish for Daniela to marry someone she doesn't love or rather have someone who's absolutely smitten with her and would do everything in his power to make her happy?", Andrew asked calmly. 

"Are you implying that your mother and I do not have love?", his father countered sternly. 

"Father, I am no more a schoolboy. I am 23 and I've seen love between two partners. And you and mother definitely do not share the sentiment. I just want to know if you want to see Daniela in a loveless marriage", Andrew commented and took a sip of his drink. 

His father sighed heavily before he answered: "I don't. Yet I cannot say I regret my choice for it brought me you and Daniela". 

He looked tenderly at his son. 

"I know that Anthony Heywood is not your first choice. But it is Daniela's. I've never seen her so happy and he's a decent man. He's a gentleman's son and very ambitious. I am certain that he'll strive to make Daniela happy everyday", Andrew informed his father. 

"But he has nothing to offer apart from love", Lord Salisbury objected. 

"That is true, yet it is a good thing that Daniela is from a wealthy family. Even if they should struggle financially I promise that I'll always look out for them".

"And what about your own family some day?", his father frowned. 

"I plan on wedding a very wealthy woman who will support my efforts", Andrew answered smiling.

"Do have someone in mind, my son?", his father was intrigued now. 

"Perhaps ...though she is still spoken for and I dare hope that this will no longer be the case soon", he felt himself blushing slightly. 

"Do you have Mrs. Campion in mind?".

"Heavens no!!! I'd rather cut off my arm than court her. She's horrible! No, I'm speaking of someone far more gentle".

"That heiress, Miss Lambe?".

"Georgiana is very fun to be around but does not suit me. We are very good friends and nothing more. No father, stop guessing the lady. In time you'll know".

"Very well then. So, what are we to do about your mother?", his father asked sighing again. 

Andrew was stunned that his father was so easily persuaded. Yet he welcomed it and told his father about his plan. 

The specialist was packing up and Charlotte smiled broadly for the first time in many days. 

"Thank you so much, doctor! I'm much indebted to you", Charlotte said while opening the door for him. 

"Nonsense, my dear girl. You were a very pleasant patient. Take good care of yourself. And if I may be so bold: physically you are completely healthy now - but I fear your heart still needs mending. Whoever that stupid gentleman might be to put you through all the pain I see in your eyes, forget him and trust me that you'll find love again", he patted her hand, bowed and then left her room. 

Charlotte closed the door again and sat down on her bed. Yes, she was still in pain but the nearer the wedding was now the more determined she grew. Sidney had stopped sending her presents, notes and flowers. She believed it to be a good sign for it meant that he was beginning to accept his fate.   
Despite her resolution she didn't want to be in London when the wedding took place. She stood up and went to the table to write a letter to her parents informing them that she would come home soon. She would travel home alone. Alison was enjoying London far too much. And now that Mr. Stringer was also here she wouldn't ask her to come home with her.   
Alison had apologised the day prior and had been in a strange mood. As was Georgiana. Everytime they saw her they would start to giggle and afterwards try to cheer her up. Charlotte felt like she missed out on something but didn't ask what that might be. 

Exactly two weeks until the wedding were left when Eliza received a note from Lady Worcester asking to visit her to discuss an urgent topic. Eliza was quite surprised and did wonder what that topic might be. She had absolutely no idea. And yet she accepted the request and so she entered Melrose Place early afternoon that day. 

Previously another visitor had arrived she didn't know about. Sidney had also received a short note from Lady Susan asking for an hour of his time today. He had been in a bad state the past days and Babington was very worried about him. Even Crowe expressed his concern. Sidney's spirits had been very low. After no word from Antigua, no word from Lady Susan and especially no word from Charlotte he was beginning to lose hope.  
When Sidney arrived he was shown into the smallest of the drawing rooms of Melrose Place. Lady Susan's face lit up as soon as she saw him. 

"Sidney! What a pleasure to see you. And thank you for coming on short notice. Can I offer you some tea?", she greeted him enthusiastically.

"Thank you, Lady Susan", he took a seat opposite her and looked around. 

"Ah, don't bother. Charlotte is not here and won't be joining us any time soon. I sent her off on a walk with a friend of mine".

"Please convey my greetings to her. I tried to suppress my hope when I read your note - yet I'm almost afraid to ask if there is news. Good or bad, I need to know in order to plan my next moves", Sidney said with a lot of sadness in his voice.

"My dear Sidney! As promised I made a discovery about Mrs. Campion that I'm sure will solve your problem", she said cheerfully. 

Sidney was all ears now. He sat up straighter in his seat and clenched his jaw. Could it truly be? Was there hope after all? Because, to be honest, his plan of pretending his death to escape Eliza was silly. If there was a more elegant way to end the engagement he would very much welcome it.  
Sidney waited for Lady Susan to continue but she made no attempt. Instead she looked at the clock and frowned a little.   
Patience surely was not a virtue that Sidney practiced well which was why he asked: "Lady Susan, what is it that will free me of her?".

She smiled thoughtfully. "Oh, I can't tell you now because I still don't have complete evidence of it. But I'm quite sure I'll receive my answers. And speaking of answers. I always thought that one might best find them in a library. May I show you a little secret haven of mine?" .

A bit surprised he nodded and followed Lady Susan to a book shelf. She started to shift the shelf to the right side when the entrance to a small room was made visible. Both of them entered and Sidney could admire the room. The three walls of the room were covered in book shelfs up to the ceiling only sparing the window. In the middle of the room was a cosy armchair. 

"This is amazing! Does Charlotte know about this room? I'm sure she would love it".

"She doesn't know about it yet but soon will do. Please take a seat and enjoy the room. Trust me, you'll find all the answers here. And do not come out until I come and get you", Lady Susan was already standing in her drawing room again and started to close the entrance. 

Sidney was astonished and too confused to ask what was going on. Why would Lady Susan lock him up in her secret library? Did she really expect him to find a solution how to escape marriage to Eliza in books? Clearly this must be a misunderstanding.   
But then he heard her speaking again. Loud and clear. And to none other than Eliza. 

Lady Susan had decided to keep her discovery a secret between her, Alison and Georgiana. She knew that Mrs. Campion would never tell Sidney the whole truth which was why she planned on making him witness it himself nonetheless. 

"Mrs. Campion. I'm pleased you could arrange to meet me. Please take a seat. Would you like some tea?", she welcomed her. 

"Lady Worcester, the pleasure is all mine. Yes, thank you, I'll take a cup", Mrs. Campion's voice was all fake sweetness. 

She poured her a cup and handed it to her. 

"I suppose you are wondering why I would like to meet you and disturb you while I know that you must be quite in a busy position with all your wedding preparations".

"Au côntraire Sidney and I have been engaged long enough to have everything already settled for the wedding", Mrs. Campion objected coldly.

"Oh", Lady Susan replied with a raised eyebrow. "How lucky you are!".

Mrs. Campion smiled devilishly: "Yes, I absolutely am. Marrying the love of my life after eleven years. Nobody could be happier than I am and will be".

"And what about Mr. Campion? Have you never been in love with him?".

"My dear Lady Worcester, you don't beat around the bush, do you?! As I am in a good mood I will ignore the impertinence of the question and yet answer it. I loved him once but then I realised he isn't worthy of my love and that is all".

"I suspected as much. Was it after Megan that you stopped loving him?", Lady Susan asked casually. 

She could immediately witness Mrs. Campion's reaction. The shock and confusion were evident on her face. 

She gulped loudly and then said: "Megan? Who would that be? I know no one of that name".

"Come now, Mrs. Campion. You cannot deceive me. I have my way of finding out things I need to know. You see there is no need to hide the truth from me", Lady Susan smiled sweetly.

"I knew that I should have insisted on sending him to the continent. How much did you pay him to speak?", Mrs. Campion enquired with contempt in her voice. 

Lady Susan wasn't surprised that Mrs. Campion guessed right und accused her former solicitor to be the one to give away her secret. Although it was only a hint he gave and not the whole information needed. 

"Oh never mind. But I'm rather surprised that Sidney didn't notice anything by now. He usually is quite a good businessman", Lady Susan continued.

Mrs. Campion sighed and turned around. She looked like a trapped creature. 

"I assume that's it! You'll blackmail me into releasing Sidney from his obligations towards me", she shouted.

"I'm not a monster. I do not blackmail anybody. I like people to make the right choice on their own. Mrs. Campion, I see a lot of pain. Why don't you confide in me?", Lady Susan said empathetic. 

"To have all of London knowing the truth by tomorrow?! No, thank you!". 

"I promise I will not tell a soul. Our conversation will stay in this extended room. I just want to understand why you are risking to make Sidney hate you after your wedding when he finds out what you've done".

Mrs. Campion now turned back to her and had tears in her eyes and an angry face. 

"I loved him. Not as much as I loved Sidney but still enough to please him whenever I could. You see, he wasn't my first choice. After witnessing my father's betrayal towards my mother I took her advice and settled for a much older man. Because a younger man could easily replace me with a younger, prettier girl as soon as we grow older and I didn't want to relive my mother's misery. He adored me and spoiled me with monthly presents. We were married for two years when he told me that he would wish for an heir. We kept sharing marital bed more regularly and during the next year nothing happened. I was devastated and even consulted a few doctors. But each and everyone of them told me that everything was alright. So I asked him to get an examination too. But he refused to do so and started distancing himself from me. We shared bed only occasionally and I grew lonelier from year to year. It was the seventh year of our marriage when I discovered that I was pregnant. I was indescribably happy. After a few weeks I felt safe enough to tell him. I was still suffering from nausea and vomiting due to the pregnancy. The whole day I had been vomiting and in the night I felt so hungry and thirsty that I made my way down to the kitchen. I heard him before I could see him. He told her 'You made me so happy, at least now I'm having an heir. Little Robert will be a great gentleman when he grows up'. He promised Megan (our kitchen maid) that he would take good care of her and their son Robert. I was so shocked and my nausea returned suddenly. I left for my room and cried. The next morning he was whistling and smiling the whole time while he ignored me. It was then that I decided that I had to get rid of that child. How could I possibly love it while I loathed its father?! After a few days I left to visit my parents and on the way there I visited a specialist for my scheme and received a tincture. I spend two weeks with my mother while she attended to me. It was a horrible time. But the thought of carrying his child was worse. From there on I refused to share bed with him as I already knew that he sought pleasure somewhere else. He even didn't seem to mind much. After his death I learned that the fool had sold part of his many estates to give the money to his son. Robert was to receive 75.000 pounds and I was only to receive 25.000. If he wasn't dead already I would have loved to kill him. I talked to Megan and urged her to stay at his country estate and I paid Mr. Atwell to keep the whole affair a secret. It was the only way for me to be still considered the wealthy widow amongst the ton. Are you happy now? Do you wallow in my misery?", Mrs. Campion confessed. 

Lady Susan had also tears in her eyes now. She reached over and gently took the hand of the other woman in hers. 

"I would never take pleasure in what you've told me right now. I am so very sorry for what has happened to you. But I still don't understand how you think it's a good idea to deceive Sidney about the money. You know that he could sue you. Deception is a heavy crime", she commented calmly.

"He's too much a gentleman to do that. No matter how much he needs the money. And moreover his love for me will make him forgive me".

Lady Susan shook her head in disbelief.

"As much as I pity you, I'm surprised at your ignorance. Sidney was about to propose to Charlotte when he found himself in need of financial help and decided to marry you. He let his true love down and watched her go. If he learns about this he will be furious. Because his only reason to marry you is your money in order to save his beloved family. How can you be so delusional?".

"No! He is not in love with her! I am his true love! I always have been and always will be!", Mrs. Campion yelled. 

"Mrs. Campion, I do understand that you are in need of love and attention. And I'm sure after your unhappy marriage it is what you deserve. But Sidney will not make you happy. His heart lays elsewhere and you wouldn't want to relive your first marriage again with him, would you?".

"Even if he truly loves that farmer's girl he would never betray me. He is a true gentleman. He always was! I would never catch him in the kitchen with a daughter or son from another woman".

"That is right. You would not. But he might whisper another woman's name in his sleep or think of another one while sharing your bed. Is that something you are willing to experience?", Lady Susan asked her.

A moment of silence followed in which one could clearly see how Mrs. Campion pictured everything said in her head. And then she started sobbing heavily. Lady Susan was initially a bit hesitant but then embraced her and let her sob on her shoulder. After a long time she seemed to compose herself and extricated herself from Lady Susan. 

"Well, I suppose I have a few letters to write and a wedding to call off. But first I'll have to speak to Sidney and make sure that there is really no future together. I do hope that you are wrong. Sidney waited ten years for me. I was so happy to hear that he was still unwed. I knew that he had been waiting for me. And at Lady Maudelesly's gathering I could clearly see how happy he was to see me. It was after the regatta that he started changing. But I never doubted his love would come back stronger than ever once we were married. If he truly doesn't love me I will release him. But if not you must promise me to keep everything I told you to yourself", Mrs. Campion said with puffy eyes and a red nose from crying.

"I already promised you that our conversation will not leave this extended room". 

It was then that the butler knocked on the door and announced Charlotte and Lord Carstairs. Charlotte seemed to be surprised to see Mrs. Campion. 

"Oh my, Lady Susan you are really spoiling me today. First the walk with Miss Heywood and now I am to find this breathtakingly beautiful lady here. Mrs. Campion, a pleasure to see you again", Lord Carstairs exclaimed passionately. 

He really was very smitten with Mrs. Campion. He couldn't look away and tried to take in all of her beauty. The sad and surprised look on her face didn't diminish her beauty in his eyes. On the contrary he wanted to be the one to console her and make her smile again. He had never felt like this with any other woman. 

Lord Carstairs immediately engaged Mrs. Campion in a pleasant conversation and Lady Susan could clearly see her spirit rise. She smiled to herself when Mrs. Campion agreed to Lord Carstairs' offer to accompany her home. Her plan of distracting Mrs. Campion from Sidney came together. It was a fortunate incident that she knew of Lord Carstairs' weakness for blonde women.  
Before Mrs. Campion left she turned to Charlotte and whispered something into her hear which let Charlotte disturbed.   
Lady Susan escorted Lord Carstairs and Mrs. Campion to the door and then returned quickly to Charlotte who was staring out the window, still with a frown on her face.

"So my dear, what is it that Mrs. Campion told you?". 

Charlotte turned to her, took a deep breath and then answered: "She said that she clearly sees now that not every race is worth winning. But what could she mean by that?".

"Oh my dear, dear girl don't you understand? She will be releasing Sidney! You can finally call him officially yours", Lady Susan explained smiling.

"That cannot be true! Why would she do that? And all of the sudden? Is it because of Lord Carstairs?".

"Lord Carstairs might have add to it a bit. But before you arrived we had quite a long conversation which made her realise what's best to do. I'm sure Sidney will soon be here to finally propose to you!", Lady Susan said happily and clapping her hands because of the excitement.

Charlotte's face fell immediately and she stood up. 

"Then I must leave at once".

"What are you talking about, my dear?".

"If he comes I will not be here. I don't want to see him. Nor do I want to hear a proposal".

"Surely you must be talking in jest!", Lady Susan replied astonished but upon seeing Charlotte's firm look she said: "You assured us that you still love him".

Charlotte's face went soft and tears were glistening in her eyes now. 

"Of course I do. I will always love him. But I cannot marry him. I have nothing to offer. What if Tom drives all of them into the next financial crisis? It would be Sidney who needs to save them again. And by that he would regret marrying me. I cannot do it", Charlotte shook her head.

"My sweet girl, rest assured that he would never regret marrying you. No matter what may come. I have never seen a man as much in love with a woman as Sidney is with you!".

"I still cannot do it!".

"But why? I thought you believed in love being the most important component for a happy marriage".

"I was naive to think that! I'm leaving tomorrow morning".

"Charlotte, please reconsider! I really don't understand you! Sidney doesn't care for your lack of fortune. He just wants you!".

"But I don't trust him anymore! What if something happens a few days before our wedding and he's forced to engage himself to the next wealthy widow? I cannot survive this a second time. I told you that I made my peace with him marrying Mrs. Campion and I meant it. I cannot bear to hope again and have my heart shattered into million pieces again. Please don't make me!", Charlotte was crying now. 

Lady Susan was saddened to see the pain Charlotte was in. And when Charlotte left the room she didn't hold her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be patient with me. We will have our HEA 🥰


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks ❤❤❤

Sidney had witnessed all of the conversations and had gone through wonder, pity, fury, astonishment and last but not least pain. He would be a free man but not free to marry his true love. Because she didn't trust him and wanted to save her heart from a second heartbreak. It was his fault alone that she felt as she did. And there was no way he could change that now. After he had heard Charlotte leaving the room a few minutes passed before Lady Susan moved the shelf to let him enter the room again. She gave him a guilty look. 

"I am so sorry. Maybe I can talk to her and change her mind. Do not forget she said that she will always love you", she spoke encouraging.

"But she also said that she doesn't trust me. After me letting her down last year it is what I deserve. I won't be approaching her anymore. If she needs space I will grant her that and hope that someday she may forgive and trust me. But until then I need to fix my families financial problems now that I heard of Eliza's foul investment. No wonder she gave us only 2500 pounds to begin with. Now I still need to find 30.000 pounds for 50.000 are already provided by the investors you introduced Sanditon to. Lady Susan, I am indebted to you. Thank you for sharing the information with me and thank you for investigating in the first place", Sidney's voice was broken.

"My dear Sidney, I would do anything to see you and Charlotte happy together". 

He gave her a woeful smile: "It is not meant to be. Charlotte deserves better anyway. Fate never meant for me to be a husband, I guess. Thank you for everything". 

He kissed her hand goodbye and left. He decided to send the carriage ahead and to walk. His heart ached more than ever and he never felt as miserable as right now. Not even when he had to let Charlotte go the first time. For this time both of them were free and yet there seemed to be no future together. He had ruined everything and to hear Charlotte's pain today made him resent and hate himself even more.   
He sighed and suddenly found himself in front of Eliza's house. Yes, there was still an important conversation to have. 

"I didn't expect you today, Sidney. But actually I was thinking about calling on you anyway. I ...I believe there is something we need to talk about", Eliza began once he was seated in her drawing room. 

"Do you love me, Sidney?", she came straight forward.

He lowered his head and kept staring at the floor. 

"Do you believe that you could love me someday?", she asked now.

He didn't answer again.

"I see. Well, Sidney, I intend to settle for nothing less than love. And if my husband is not devoted to me, I don't need one", she said with a trembling voice. 

"Let me ask you this, Eliza, do YOU love me?", he really wanted to know though it wouldn't change anything. 

"I loved the idea of us finding back to each other. But I expect you're right and we both did change a lot. I hope you'll understand that I have to withdraw my financial support now that we are not getting married". 

Sidney snorted for he knew why she had to withdraw in the first place - because she was only in possession of a much smaller sum than expected. 

"Do not worry, Eliza. Thankfully we don't depend on your money anymore. I suppose it's better to leave now. I wish you every happiness ...and I hope you'll find love again", Sidney spoke honestly. 

He turned around and was already through the door when she called behind him.

"I expect Miss Heywood soon to be Mrs. Sidney Parker. I hope you won't regret your choice and that she'll make you as happy as you imagine her to". 

Her words were like a dagger stabbing his heart.   
He nodded and made a hasty escape.   
He knew that if Charlotte still wanted him she would effortlessly make him happy just by existing.   
Once home he spoke to Arthur and Diana about the cancellation of the wedding.   
Diana was very surprised for she didn't know about his hearts true feelings. She just worried about him for it was the second time that 'horrible woman' passed him over. Arthur was happy to hear that Sidney was a free man but sensed that something was wrong. Sidney couldn't bear their worried looks any longer and went straight to his room after dinner.   
Everything was covered in smoke but he could still smell her perfume. Charlotte. Somewhere in here she was too. He called out for her and heard her laughing. His heart started thumping faster upon hearing the sweet sound. He paced through the smoke and sometimes he saw the hem of her dress or her hair floating. Everytime he tried to grasp her she was gone. After an eternity he was too exhausted to keep looking and he sat down on the floor.   
Suddenly she appeared in front of him with tears in her eyes.   
"Really Sidney? Are you giving up on me so easily?", she asked him.   
He was about to answer when she disappeared and the whole room caught fire.   
Sidney woke up panting and very sweaty.   
"No! I'm not giving up on you, Charlotte. I'll fight for us. Forever!", he whispered into the shadow of his room. 

Why did it not go as planned? She never expected that Charlotte would refuse him. After all the longing looks and the passionate dance two weeks ago. There was no indication that Charlotte would stick to her resolution. She needed to fix this. But of all the things she could accomplish she knew that trust was not one of them. Charlotte needed to regain her trust in Sidney on her own. She sat down on her chaise longue and sighed heavily. What a mess. 

"So? How did it go? Will Charlotte and Sidney be announcing their engagement tonight at dinner?", Georgiana asked smiling. 

"I fear not. Sidney is free now ...but Charlotte is still convinced that it us better to let him go".

"What? No, that cannot be", Alison exclaimed. 

"Unfortunately it is at the moment. Let us give her the time she needs. I'm sure she'll come to her senses by tomorrow", Lady Susan replied. 

Charlotte was packing her clothes with shaking hands and under sobs into her trunk. She couldn't wait to let her mother hug her firmly and to cry until she'd fall asleep.   
After finishing packing Charlotte decided to distract herself by reading a book. Of course she couldn't concentrate on the content and so she started pacing her room. All she could think about was of course Sidney. If Mrs. Campion released him would he really be immediately heading to her to propose? It didn't matter for he had to think of his family. He couldn't possibly marry her unless the financial problems were completely resolved. And an amount of money so high was not easy to come by. Even with all the new investors.   
She sat down on the edge of her bed and sighed deeply. In her mind she bid Sidney goodbye. All of their moments together flashed behind her eyes and Charlotte let herself get lost in the feelings that were evoked.   
Their dances, the kisses, his declaration of love in Willingden. Their passionate fights and discussions, every longing glance. She closed her eyes and fell asleep with their rowing experience in her mind. 

The next morning Susan received a note from Sidney and she immediately instructed the staff to not have the carriage ready in time to give Charlotte and Sidney a proper opportunity to speak. Despite her hopes Charlotte was still determined to leave today. Alison, Georgiana and Tony tried their best to convince her to stay but to no avail. She seemed far more troubled than yesterday and looked very pale.

So when Sidney arrived Charlotte was sitting on the stairs in the parlour and watching the door with great concentration. The shock in her eyes was clearly evident to Sidney as soon as she had locked eyes with him. She frowned a little bit and then stood up. 

"Mr. Parker", she said with a cold tone. 

It seemed she had not changed her mind since yesterday afternoon. Sidney's heart grew heavy. He had spent the whole night after the dream hoping and praying that Charlotte would be happy to see him and might be willing to accept him after all. 

"Good morning, Charlotte. How are you today?".

"Very well, thank you. I'm just about to leave for home", she answered still in a cold tone. 

"You are? Well, I'm fortunate then to have a chance to see you before you leave". 

She looked away. 

"Charlotte, I don't know how fast word travels but I wanted to tell you myself. Eliza and I are not engaged anymore. There will be no wedding. I'm free", he felt his voice cracking with emotion.

She looked back at him and for a second he saw so much hurt in her eyes that it took his breath away. She composed rapidly.

"Congratulations, Mr. Parker".

"You know what I have been speaking about for months now. What I would do as soon as I was a free man-".

"Please don't! I won't hear any of it!", she interrupted him. 

"Why not? I believe our love deserves to be explored to the fullest. I want you to be my wife!", he exclaimed. 

"I can't. It would be a very unhappy marriage".

"You cannot mean that! You know how deep our feelings for each other are! What is this about, Charlotte?". 

"I don't have any money or connections. You should be with someone who might help you save your family if Tom gets into trouble again". 

"Charlotte, your love and support is all I need. And together we can keep an eye on him", Sidney said desperately. 

"No! That won't be enough". 

"Charlotte, please! What is it you are imagining me to do in this version without you?". 

"I don't know. Surely Mrs. Campion is not the only wealthy widow. There are plenty to-".

"Are you calling me a fortune hunter? Really Charlotte?!", he interrupted her.

Could this possibly be what she thought of him?!  
Charlotte didn't answer and he began to feel hurt and anger bubbling up inside of him. 

"Thank you for letting me know how you see me! I hope you find your happiness for all I know it is obviously not with me! Good day, Miss Heywood!".

"I didn't say that!", she whispered. 

"You did not have to! I understand perfectly well", he said while turning around and hurrying towards the door.

"Wait! Sidney! Is this really how you wish for us to part?!", she shouted behind him. 

He looked back for a second and replied: "You already made that decision for us, did you not, Miss Heywood. Farewell!". 

He couldn't bear to be close to her any longer. The woman he would die for believed him to be a fortune hunter! 

"Sidney! Sidney, please!", she yelled behind him.

He got into the carriage and only turned around when the carriage had already taken off. She was standing in the middle of the street and crying.   
How he yearned to go back and comfort her. Yet knowing how little she thought of him he wouldn't impose his presence on her anymore no matter how much his heart ached.

Upstairs Alison, Georgiana and Tony had witnessed the spectacle and were shocked how the two lovers had parted.   
Lady Susan was downstairs and had also heard everything.   
After ushering Charlotte inside again she let her cry and sob in her arms. 

"What have I done?!", Charlotte asked her after a while.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your thoughts! ❤❤❤

"Hush, my dear. Everything will be alright", Lady Susan tried to comfort her.

"How? I hurt him ...he'll never forgive me!".

"I doubt that. If you wish, I can call him back. Or we can go and visit", Lady Susan suggested. 

"No! I'm going home today and that is for the best", she objected. 

"But Charlotte, are you really comfortable with leaving like this?". 

"There is no other way. I cannot bear to be a second longer in London. Please, Lady Susan. I just want to be home as soon as possible. I'll leave when the carriage is ready", Charlotte said determined. 

Lady Susan didn't object for she saw the pain and hurt in her eyes. Fine. If Charlotte was too stubborn to face him again she would have to send Sidney after her as soon as she left. With that plan in mind she felt more comfortable with letting Charlotte go back to Willingden but one question remained unanswered. 

"Charlotte? Please tell me why you are not trusting him and your love for each other anymore? Something must have happened".

Charlotte was very embarrassed but then confided in her friend. She told her about the haunting nightmares and that last night she had the worst. 

"We got married and everything was perfect until Tom got into trouble which Sidney could have prevented in the first place but didn't because he was busy making me happy. Tom went to debtor's prison and died of shame and grief in there. Mary and the children lived in the poor house until Henry suffered from scarlet fever and died. The girls starved to death as did James ...I watched them die. And Mary ...she hated us for letting all of them down in the first place. Sidney began to hate me and visited the boarding house again. We didn't speak anymore and he hated our children for they reminded him of the ones we neglected".

"This is indeed a nightmare. But that is all it is. It's not true - and never will be, my dear", Lady Susan said and stroked her head. 

"With the debt not completely paid and Tom still being a visionary I fear it might become a reality".

"Why haven't you talked to Sidney about what is troubling you? I'm sure he'll understand".

"No! He might think it's silly. No, he must never know". 

Her siblings and Georgiana entered the room now and looked very concerned.   
Without saying anything all of them hugged Charlotte while she tried to compose herself. 

How did they come this far only to part the way they did?! It would seem that Sidney was again turned down for his lack of fortune. Only this time the woman he chose didn't want the money for herself, she wanted it for his family. She didn't want a prosperous life, she simply wanted it in case something went wrong.   
How much he loved her for caring for his family so much. Yet he couldn't believe that she would sacrifice their happiness again.   
He sighed while pacing his room. She had hurt his pride by calling him a fortune hunter. He never meant to engage himself to Eliza in the first place. It was born out of necessity! And she knew that. She even told him that she understood he had to do it!  
Why was she so reluctant? Surely it wasn't only the lost trust in him, was it?!  
What a horrible person he was! Leaving her behind after promising for months that he would fight for their love. He was considering going back and talking everything through.  
A knock on his door put an end to his thoughts. 

A footman entered and said: "I am very sorry to disturb you, Sir. Two letters arrived from Antigua. But they had been sent seven weeks ago. There had been heavy storms on the way back and it took the ships longer than usual". 

He handed him the letters.

"Thank you, Wilkins", Sidney took the letters and scanned the handwriting on each. 

He sighed in relief for one was from his friend whom he had asked for financial help and the other was from Grace. Surely she was sending the official invitation to her wedding for Georgiana and him. Usually a trip to Antigua would take approximately 50 days and the trip back 30 days. The letters were three weeks delayed. The weather must have been indeed very stormy.  
Sidney opened the letters eagerly and read them while still standing next to his door. 

Charlotte wrote the note in haste for the carriage was already awaiting her. 

'Dear Sidney,   
I never believed you to be a fortune hunter. I still believe it was very noble of you to put your sentiments aside and to let reason reign.   
I wish you every happiness and will always remain your friend.  
Yours Charlotte Heywood'

She handed it to Lady Susan. 

"Could you please make sure that he'll receive this?", she asked her.

"My dear girl, I still believe it is better to face him in person than simply sending a note. Nothing is lost, we can still fix everything", Lady Susan tried to convince her. 

"I appreciate your concern. I made up my mind and it is the best for everybody. Thank you so much for taking very good care of me ...actually of all of us. As soon as I arrive I'll write to you and Esther for she doesn't know I'm leaving today. I'll explain everything in a letter", Charlotte replied with tears in her eyes. 

There were many more tears shed on each side when Charlotte said goodbye to her siblings and Georgiana.   
When she sat finally in the carriage she let all her emotions go and sobbed for a very long time. 

Alison didn't touch her dinner and couldn't help tears falling every now and then. 

"Come now, Alison. All will be well. I'm going to call on Sidney tomorrow and make him chase after your sister", Lady Susan said while cutting her roast beef into smaller pieces. 

"And what if the conversation goes like today? Both are too proud and too stubborn!", Georgiana commented vexed. 

"We'll find a way. I'm sure of it. Trust me", Lady Susan replied smiling. 

Nobody spoke afterwards and they all went to bed very early not in the mood to play charade or cards or any other evening activity.   
Alison still felt guilty for letting Charlotte go alone. Charlotte insisted and yet she felt awful. What if something happened to her? What if she felt lonely on her ride? What if ...  
Despite not understanding Charlotte anymore she wanted to be a good sister to her. How was she to enjoy London while her beloved sister was suffering?  
The next morning Lady Susan took her aside and asked her if she had known about the content of Charlotte's nightmares.

"No, she never shared them with me? Why are you asking?", Alison was confused. 

"I'm asking because she told me yesterday and now I do understand her better".

"How come?".

"She would dream of Sidney leaving her to save his family and Sanditon. And the last one was the worst. It was all Charlotte is afraid of. I know she doesn't like the idea of Sidney knowing about the nightmares but I believe it might help both of them to sort things out", Lady Susan replied.

"How horrible! And all this time she never said anything. And I accused her of not believing in love anymore", Alison exclaimed with tears of guilt in her eyes.

"You didn't know any better. As soon as Sidney and her are engaged all of this will be forgotten. After breakfast I'll visit him and see what I can do", Lady Susan promised smiling. 

Later Lady Susan was about to leave the house when Lord Babington arrived with a worried expression on his face. 

"Lord Babington, is Lady Babington well?", Alison asked concerned. 

"Everything is well, thank you. I have come on behalf of Sidney. Is Miss Charlotte Heywood still here?", he asked.

"No she left us yesterday", Lady Susan informed him. 

"That is indeed unfortunate", Lord Babington replied frowning.

"Pray, Lord Babington, what is the matter?", Alison urged him to speak. 

"Well ...Sidney is gone", he said and scratched the back of his head.


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I am sorry for inflicting pain on you. But rest assured that all will be well.   
> I promised a HEA for Sidney and Charlotte and there definitely will be one! 🥰
> 
> As always thank you so much for reading and commenting ❤❤❤

"What do you mean by he's gone?", Georgiana asked alarmed. 

"He's off to Antigua and must be on the ship now. Apparently there had been many storms and heavy rainfall and the roof of the orphanage got damaged. Unfortunately one child even suffered injuries. He needed to go himself to get everything settled", Lord Babington replied. 

"The orphanage Grace is taking care of?", Georgiana enquired. 

"Ah, well, I know Sidney is going to kill me for letting you all know but actually it is him who takes at least financial care of it. Only Crowe and I know about it. When speaking to Tom or other people he only refers to it as his 'other business'. He sends regularly money and is in constant contact with Grace Milton to enquire about the children and their needs. He feels responsible for them. Although it wasn't his fault most of them lost their parents to slavery. Yet the fact that he had supported slavery when he first arrived in Antigua is still haunting him. You see, he is by far the best man I know and I would have loved to see him happy", Lord Babington explained with a sigh. 

Georgiana who had been standing needed to sit down.   
Sidney Parker was the caretaker of the orphanage in her town? And he never mentioned it with a word? Why?   
All those years she thought that he cared nothing for the people in Antigua and that it was only a business venture to him.   
How wrong she had been! Now it made sense that he had been writing frequently to Grace despite her unrequited love for him. This was the business he had been talking about when they had their conversation about Antigua and Grace back in Willingden.   
What a strange man Sidney Parker was indeed! One moment shouting at her or Charlotte whilst taking care of orphaned children in another country. 

"Did he tell you when he will be back?", Lady Susan wanted to know. 

"The journey to Antigua will take approximately seven weeks and then he'll have to stay there for at least two weeks. His journey back to England will hopefully take only four weeks if there won't be any more storms".

"So he will be gone for at least three and a half months! He won't be back back before August", Alison noted. 

"No, I fear not! He might even miss our child's birth. But you know Sidney, he always acts on the moment and this time it is indeed very important to him to see things through himself". 

"Perhaps this is a fortunate coincidence altogether and it will do Charlotte and Sidney good. After all absence makes the heart grow fonder", Lady Susan tried to make the best out of it. 

"Wait! Sidney had promised me that I would visit Antigua with him next time he goes", Georgiana interjected. 

"Yes, he told me about it and said it was on very short notice and that his promise still stands. Though the wedding of Grace had been postponed until October. He also asked me to enquire if you still feel capable of taking care of Miss Lambe while he's gone, Lady Susan. If Miss Lambe however wishes to go back to Sanditon he will gladly consent to it. After his return he'll take care of all financial matters concerning Miss Lambe", Lord Babington continued. 

"Of course she'll stay with me! As long as she wishes to", Lady Susan assured him. 

"Then I've done what I came for and I shall leave for there is still a letter that needs to be sent to Tom", he bowed and took leave. 

"I had no idea that Sidney is a saint", Tony commented smirking. 

"Don't mock him! I do admire him more for it. If Charlotte only knew", Alison said. 

"He has his faults and a lot of them but he did improve during the past year", Georgiana noted. 

"So, now that there is nothing we can do for Charlotte and Sidney, I can fully concentrate on you three. Tony, you are coming with me tomorrow for a ride. And Alison, I have received a request from Mr. Stringer this morning asking if he could pay us a visit", Lady Susan said while taking off her coat again for she wasn't leaving now anymore.   
Alison blushed and mumbled something about writing a letter to Charlotte. 

It was getting dark outside when she finally arrived in Willingden with puffy eyes, a headache and no appetite at all. Her mother and father took her immediately into their arms and Charlotte sighed in relief. Finally home.  
She had indeed missed them and now that they were embracing her she felt save and protecting. The only other time she had felt like this during her time away from her parents was when Sidney had embraced her.   
Oh, Sidney! If she had more tears to shed there would have been a lot more but it seemed she ran out of them.   
Her parents looked at her with concern but said nothing. They enquired about Alison, Tony and Georgiana while eating dinner. Charlotte ate a few spoons of her soup but stopped when her thoughts drifted off to Sidney again.   
She went to bed early and fell asleep quite fast. Indeed she was very exhausted from the emotional turmoil and the journey.   
At some point she awoke to find warm fingers touching her shoulder.

"Rosie, what is it?", she asked her little sister sleepy.

"I had a bad dream and now I cannot sleep anymore", Rose said sniffing. 

"Come here, darling. Next to me you shall have no bad dreams. I'll take care of keeping them away from you", Charlotte moved to make space for Rose. 

She crawled into bed next to her and Charlotte started humming a melody to ease her sister into sleep. It didn't take long for Rose to fall asleep and Charlotte smiled for she had forgotten how soothing a tiny, warm body of someone beloved next to one could be. 

Mr. Heywood sipped his ale and kept frowning. 

"I'm going to kill him. No matter how much I liked him, I will kill him for making my little girl so miserable", he said at some point. 

His wife was sat next to him and was busy with sewing, looked up. 

"No you don't! We have no idea what happened! Wait for Tony's report and then we will see. I can't imagine him to inflict willingly pain on her. You've seen how much in love they were", she objected. 

"Perhaps he has changed his mind and likes the idea of marrying that person. One never knows with those dandies. How much I hate London people", he said vexed.

"Please, don't jump to conclusions. Charlotte might open up and tell us herself what happened. We just need to be patient", she said and put her hand on his forearm. 

Her husband didn't reply. He couldn't await Tony's latest report to know what had occurred. 

"I'm going to check on her", his wife said after a while. 

When she came back she smiled. 

"Rose is with her and Charlotte looks very peaceful", she informed him. 

"At least in her sleep. I do pray she finds peace of mind during day also", he chuntered. 

Alison was trembling with anticipation. She had missed him so much and now he was the one to seek her company. She looked into the mirror and caught Georgiana's approving look. 

"You look very pretty", Georgiana commented smiling. 

Alison wore a simple yet elegant lilac dress of muslin with imprinted light blue flowers. 

"I am so excited and I do not know why! It's not our first meeting", Alison confessed. 

"No it's not. But it is the first one he deliberately planned. You have nothing to be nervous about. He does like you very much and simply needs encouragement. Just promise me this: do not make the same mistake Charlotte did. When he asks you about your feelings or even proposes marriage to you, don't run away and say he's better off without you", Georgiana was clearly annoyed with Charlotte. 

"Don't judge my sister too harshly. I do know now why she acted the way she did", Alison began and then told Georgiana about Charlotte's nightmares and its explicit content. 

"That is indeed horrible. Yet I know Charlotte to be far too sensible to mix up those nightmares with reality", Georgiana stated. 

"She used to be. But I believe love does strange things to us and one might act completely opposite to one's usual self".

"Perhaps you are right. We will just have to wait and see what will happen next once Sidney's back", Georgiana shrugged. 

It was then that a servant knocked on the door and informed them that Mr. Stringer has arrived and was waiting in the drawing room. 

She entered the room and his heart beat accelerated. Her smile was soft and warm and he felt like it was just meant for him.   
They drank tea and he and her brother Anthony (whom he had gotten introduced to minutes ago by Lady Worcester) talked about their lives so far. 

"I do like the idea of every man being allowed access to higher education. Gentlemen are not the only ones with wit", James expressed his opinion. 

"Indeed! And why should farming be all a farmer's son is destined to do? Perhaps his interest lay elsewhere as in my case", Anthony Heywood endorsed. 

"Exactly!", James agreed smiling. 

They continued debating and by the end of the conversation both men were on first-name terms. 

"What's wrong Alison? Usually you are not as quiet as today", her brother noticed. 

Alison blushed and James' heart beat faster again. 

"Nothing is wrong. I very much enjoyed listening to your conversation. Yet I cannot help wondering: why are only men allowed to universities? I do believe women are as witty as men", Alison replied. 

"Have a care, Alison. One might call you revolutionary", her brother smiled at her. 

"Then be it so. I believe it is not fair. The French did right by claiming equality", Alison said. 

"England is far away from that. It is still engaged in slavery. How do you expect the English to treat men and women equally when they are not even treating the human race equally?", Miss Lambe stated. 

"Unfortunately that is true, my dear Georgiana. Yet I hear that a group called 'Sons of Africa' is trying its best to fight for better conditions and for employing instead of enslaving black people. I do support the efforts and have asked many friends to donate for the cause", Lady Worcester explained. 

Miss Lambe smiled and looked very grateful. 

"So, I believe there is a particular bridge Mr. Stringer and Alison wished to visit together. You should head off now as long as it is not raining. Tony and Georgiana will have to chaperone you, but I suppose you won't mind", Lady Worcester said. 

How did she know? Did Alison mention it to her?   
They finished drinking tea and then took leave. It was a cloudy day and it felt indeed like there was rainfall coming.   
They reached the bridge before the rain started and Alison and he discussed the design, the material used and the structure. It was pleasant to see her eyes light up while talking to him. Somehow he found himself staring at her lips every now and then.   
Pull yourself together, man!, he thought to himself. Surely today would not be a good day to kiss her when Miss Lambe and Tony were waiting in the carriage for them. And there was still the question if Alison would like to be kissed by him at all.   
A day prior he had met Andrew Salisbury when he was leaving the office in the evening. 

"Mr. Stringer, I hope you are well", he had said as soon as they had bowed. 

"Very well, thank you. I hope you are too?", James had answered. 

"Yes, absolutely. But I'm not here for small talk. I am here to ask if you've paid Alison a visit yet". 

What did it matter to him? James was annoyed by his enquiry. 

"No, not yet", he had replied slightly standoffish. 

"A word of advice, you should hurry, Mr. Stringer. She's extraordinary and someone might snatch her away soon and then you'll regret it", Andrew Salisbury pushed. 

"Someone like you?", James asked challenging. 

Andrew Salisbury laughed and replied: "I do admire her yet I do not keep an interest in women when they have their heart already set on someone else. We are just good friends". 

"Her heart is already set on someone else?", James whispered. 

He had believed her to be in love with the man in front of him. Was there another one?

"Let me tell you this: as long as you don't open up about your feelings she'll have only an unrequited love. Good evening", Andrew Salisbury winked and then left. 

Was he saying that Alison had feelings for him? A simple man without title and fortune? Could it truly be?  
And here he was now. Standing on the bridge with her and exploring this new possibility. 

"Mr. Stringer, the rain is getting heavier. We need to go back to the carriage", Alison's voice brought him back. 

He had been so deep in thoughts that he hadn't noticed the rain at all. Nobody else was standing on the bridge anymore. They hurried towards a tree for shelter after James had put off his jacket and used it as a shield against rain for Alison.  
They reached the tree and took a break for the carriage was still some yards away.   
He took a closer look at her and noticed that despite the shield she had wet hair.   
A curl had escaped her chignon and he instinctively reached out to tug it behind her ear.   
She froze at his touch but then smiled tenderly.   
He knew it was now or never.

"Alison, there is something I have to tell you. I know you deserve better but I can't help it. I am very, very, very much in love with you and I hope that you might feel the same and would wish to-", he said breathless. 

"Yes! Yes I do feel the same. James, I have for a very long time now", she interrupted him with tears in her eyes. 

"You have?", he asked in disbelief and moved closer to her. 

This beautiful, witty, gentle woman returned his feelings! He was about to burst with bliss. She nodded and also moved closer to him. Their chests were touching now and he leaned down.   
He knew he would never forget this first sweet kiss they shared.   
If someone had told him he would be kissing Alison Heywood in the rain behind a tree today he wouldn't have ever believed it.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay 😞

It was Tony who had put an end to the kissing for he had called out for them. They hurried back to the carriage and once inside Georgiana smirked and had a knowing look. Alison felt flushed and hoped that her brother wouldn't notice anything. Seeing him smirking too made her hope vanish. How embarrassing to have them know!   
Especially after they couldn't continue their conversation.   
She knew now about his feelings and she felt confident that he liked kissing her but he had said nothing about marriage. Was it too early to expect a proposal? She was inexperienced and didn't know if there was a certain timeline. Caught up in her thoughts she hadn't realised that they had arrived at the office and James was to leave them. Before he got off the carriage he turned around to her with the sweetest smile that made her stomach flutter and feeling warm everywhere, then he took her hand and placed a very tender kiss on it.   
Alison felt even more flushed and suddenly he was gone.   
She looked out of the window to avoid her brother's and her friend's gaze. 

After a while Tony asked: "So? Are you engaged now?".

Alison only shook her head. 

"How can it be? I'm sure something transpired between the two of you while you were away", Georgiana stated.

Alison sighed and turned around to face them shyly. 

"We confessed our feelings for each other ...and then ...then Tony called and we had no opportunity to finish the conversation". 

"Oh no! We can head back immediately. I'm so sorry, Alison!", her brother looked indeed sorry. 

"It's alright. Now that I'm sure he loves me too I can wait. And I am not eager to be engaged as long as I do not know how things will be for Charlotte and Sidney", she confessed. 

"Wait. Are you telling me you would decline if he proposed just because Charlotte and Sidney had been stubborn fools?!", Georgiana asked vexed. 

"No, I wouldn't decline. But I wouldn't make the engagement public". 

"That's silly, Alison. You know Charlotte would be very happy for you and wouldn't want you to put your life on halt just because it didn't work out for Sidney and her", her brother objected. 

"I fear you are right. Yet I cannot be completely happy unless I see Charlotte is too". 

"Your and Charlotte's altruism is simply annoying", Georgiana commented dryly. 

"Anyway. As there had been no proposal we do not to worry about it now", Alison said. 

"Tony, now it's your turn", Georgiana noted. 

"Please, don't remind me of the obstacles in my life", he replied and sighed. 

"I'm sure Lady Susan is already on it and will find a way", Alison tried to be encouraging. 

"Either way I'm not sure it is the best if our relationship was approved by her family", Tony mumbled and kept his gaze on the floor. 

"Are you serious? Am I surrounded by ungrateful fools only?", Georgiana exclaimed and continued: "All three of you have the chance at love and no one grasps it tightly. Instead one runs away, another wants to hide it and the third is having doubts. What is wrong with you all?!". 

"My situation is another. I want what's best for Daniela. Her life so far has been much different to the one I could offer with me. And I'm not sure if I want her to be ostracised by her own family. I want my children to have two pairs of grandparents and this one very kind uncle on their mother's side and not only my family to go to. Yet I cannot see it. Her mother is the worst and I highly doubt that she might ever change", Tony confessed in a low voice. 

"It is not your decision to make. Let her decide which way she prefers. Take me for example. I have lived a prosperous life and yet I would gladly leave it behind me if I was granted a partner who truly loves and understands me", Georgiana commented. 

"I'll be leaving in three days anyway and I don't believe anything will change in that short time", he shrugged. 

Seeing her brother like this pained Alison and she decided she would do whatever was necessary to see him happy again. 

Lady Susan motioned for him to turn around and he did. He still didn't understand why he had received a new tailcoat in navy blue and a new waistcoat as a present from her. 

"Very nice. You cut quite an elegant figure in this. The ladies will be very pleased when looking at you", Lady Susan smiled and he could feel himself blushing. 

He wasn't vain and he didn't believe himself to be extremely good looking. Compliments as those always made him blush. 

"Thank you, Lady Susan, but I still don't understand why I'm offered this generous gift". 

"I believe it is essential to look your best when introduced to the Prince Regent", she said nonchalantly. 

He didn't know what to say. The Prince Regent?! 

"My Lady, I appreciate the gesture and I see what your plan is. Yet I would rather be accepted by Lord and Lady Salisbury for being myself and not for having spent five minutes with the Prince Regent", he finally said. 

"Don't worry about her father. Andrew told me he already consented. All he asks of you is to make his daughter happy". 

"He did?", Tony asked in disbelief.

"So you see, it is only the beastly mother we need to convince. You will spend the day with Lord and Lady Babington and me at court and then you will visit a gentlemen's club tomorrow with Lord Babington to complete our mission", she informed him. 

"I'm still not comfortable with this form of conviction".

"Sometimes you simply have to tag along. All that matters in the end is that you and Daniela are allowed to be together. How we get there will be forgotten by the time you're happily married", Lady Susan was sure of the benefit. 

Tony still didn't like the idea but he didn't have much choice. Moreover he recalled how Daniela had been standing crying in front of him and asked him: "You will do all you can for us, will you? You'll find a way for us to be together?". He had replied: "Of course! Everything in my power". He owed her at least a try. If her mother was still against the relationship he would have to give up.   
The rest of the day went by in a blur. They arrived at court and waited almost two hours before they were allowed to meet the prince. The Prince Regent hold out his hand to receive the obligatory kiss, then he enquired after his delightful sisters and if he had been to that little seaside town (Sanditon). He asked how he liked London and Oxford. And then it was over.

Charlotte had walked very early to the post to make sure her letters would arrive the same day. Moreover it was a good excuse to escape her mother's worried gaze.   
When she came back she stopped at the bridge where she and her father had the conversation about being careful before she went off to Sanditon the first time. She enjoyed the calming effect this place had on her. How much had occurred since that day!   
She was deep in thoughts when she was greeted by men who were strangers to her. This must be the hands Lady Susan had organised to keep Alison and herself in her company. She smiled back at all of them and her father who was closely behind them waved and smiled tenderly at her.   
Yet she could detect worry in his look too. Charlotte sighed heavily for she detested being a source of sorrow to her parents.   
It was her decision to let him go and she had hoped that she would be much stronger. That nobody would notice how much she missed him in truth. There was no going back now. Sidney's last words had made it very clear that he wouldn't keep pursuing her.   
She sighed again. Hopefully Sidney would at least find the remaining funds for Sanditon. Then all this pain wouldn't be completely in vain.   
Charlotte went inside again and helped with the chores until the men came in for lunch. She served the meal with her mother and then went outside to see what the little ones were doing. They were playing hide and seek and invited Charlotte to play with them. Charlotte welcomed the distraction and agreed.   
Later she noticed her parents smiling when they heard her laughing and having fun with her siblings. Perhaps her heart would mend faster than expected as long as she had the little monsters distracting her and keeping her company. After the play she took Kate and Rose to the stream near the bridge to clean them up. Rose didn't want to let go of her hand until they were back home again and even then she would come every now and then to Charlotte and claim being cuddled.   
It was an hour before dinner when Samantha and Jonathan came back from the village after running errands. 

"It's from Alison", Samantha said and handed her a letter. 

Charlotte took it eagerly and opened it. She read it over and over again. Gone to Antigua? He was the financial supporter of an orphanage there? There were storms at sea and on the islands and he decided to go anyway? What if something happened to him? What if he decided to stay there for years instead of coming back? She did let him go yet she wasn't ready for this! 

"Darling, is everything alright? You are pale as a sheet and panting", her mother who had entered the drawing room enquired. 

"Oh mamma!", Charlotte exclaimed and started crying. Her mother hurried by and embraced her tightly. 

The storms were getting heavier and the crew held their peace. This was never a good sign for it meant that they were afraid too. Was this how it would end? On his way to Antigua to fix a problem and having his heart broken again?  
He regretted two things if this was really the death of them all: 1. not having fixed the damages of the orphanage. Those poor children would be soaked to the skin whenever rain would fall.  
2\. Not having gone back to Charlotte to hear her out. Parting the way they did. Perhaps they would have found back together.   
He decided to write a letter and hoped that someone would find it if the inevitable was to come. 

'My dearest Charlotte, 

words cannot express the regret I'm feeling for leaving you behind crying on the street. Please forgive me. I haven't been my best self and I truly apologise for my behaviour.   
I have never sought love after my first bruising experience.   
So when I came to Sanditon I never expected to find it. It hit me completely unprepared. But after tasting what true unconditional love meant for the first time ever I wasn't willing to let it ever go.   
My greatest fear has been and always will be losing your love for I never beheld something as precious as this.   
Forgive me for breaking your heart by my business deal with Eliza for it was never more than that to me.   
I understand your reaction better than you would know for I did the same a decade ago. Protecting your heart for you know it couldn't mend after another heartbreak.   
Charlotte, this might be the last words I'm writing for the sea is very stormy and we all fear it might damage the ship.   
I even don't know if this letter will ever reach you yet I had at least to try it.  
My love, take care and find happiness. I love you forever.  
Yours Sidney Parker'

A teardrop escaped his eye and he sealed the letter. He hoped that every word was readable for it was very difficult to write while the ship was being tossed by the waves. An empty bottle of wine was standing on the table and he put the letter in it and closed the bottle with a cork. He placed the bottle on his bunk and left to see if he could be of any help. He was just arriving on deck when someone called "Look out!" and the next thing he felt was an excruciating pain in his head and he blacked out. 

A few days prior Lord Babington's letter arrived in Sanditon and caused an uproar. 

"How is that possible? How can she turn him down a second time? Two weeks before the wedding?! And what about Sanditon now? Lady Denham will not be pleased at all! And he's off to Antigua again to forget her. History repeats itself! I wonder when we will finally see him again. He won't be back for years now, mark my words!", this monologue by Tom was repeated many times a day since then. 

Mary who was aware of Sidney's true heart's desire wondered what had happened for she would have expected him to propose to Charlotte immediately. Why did he leave in such a hurry? The letter only said he was away on business. But surely there was no business more important than being with Charlotte for him, was there?  
She was very confused and hoped that Tom wasn't right about Sidney's absence, that he would come back after a few months and not after years.   
No matter what might have transpired between Sidney and Charlotte she loved both equally and prayed that all will be well in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ❤❤❤


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel miserable! I didn't mean to have such a long break from uploading.   
> Work is crazy at the moment. The past three days I fell asleep with my phone in my hands while editing the chapter. I never finished and woke up in the morning with no time left to continue.   
> Sorry! 
> 
> Thank you for everything! ❤

On Tony's last morning in London Lady Susan approached him before breakfast. 

"Excuse my early intrusion but I wanted to tell you that you are the talk of London. A fine young gentleman, very accomplished, very handsome and elegant. Any girl he would choose will be lucky. That's what they say", she told him. 

Tony groaned and said: "A nice collection of positive attributes but unfortunately not entirely true. What about my lack of fortune and title?".

"It doesn't matter because you will be higher educated and some believe my uncle might leave you a nice sum", she replied. 

"And that is also not true", he objected. 

"Is it not? Are you sure? And even if not, who would know? We agreed on giving Lady Salisbury what she wants. And that is exactly what is happening now. Of course it will take time until she warms up entirely to the idea of her daughter marrying you but the foundation is set now". 

"I told you I dislike all this dishonesty". 

"It isn't dishonest. We just improved the truth, my dear boy. I'll see you at breakfast", she said winking. 

She left his room and he resumed packing.   
As much as he had enjoyed this trip to London he was also happy to go back to Oxford now. Of course he would miss his family, his new friends and Daniela.   
He sighed. He hadn't seen her since the incident with her mother. Yesterday he wrote a letter to her which he intended to give to Lady Susan. She would know the right moment to pass the letter to Daniela after his departure.   
It was very unlikely that he would have the opportunity to see her before his leave.   
Another knock on the door made him stop packing a second time this morning.   
Alison's head appeared and Tony smiled. She entered and closed the door behind her. 

"I really wish you could stay here. I'm going to miss you", she said while embracing him. 

He stroked her hair and told her: "I will miss you too. Yet, I need to go back and finish my studies. I already extended my stay by almost a week". 

"Will you come to Sanditon then? Lady Susan said perhaps you could spare a weekend and come visit while we are there".

"You won't be in Sanditon until mid June. That's exactly the time our exam term begins in. But I promise I'll try. I'm quite curious to see the place two of my sisters have fallen in love with", he answered winking. 

"Indeed, I hope you'll manage to come. Hopefully Daniela will be there too", Alison smiled. 

"I'll try my best. But please, don't be too disappointed if I cannot make it". 

She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and then left his room. 

It had been very nice to reconnect with his sisters the past weeks. Far away from the demands of their farm it was different. It was less stressful and far more intimate. He had never before talked so much about his or his sisters' feelings as he had done here.   
He met Georgiana in front of the breakfast room and they entered together. 

"So? How are you feeling about leaving today?", Georgiana asked while sipping her tea. 

"To be honest, I am torn. I'm going to miss you all - and yet that spirit surrounding the university is intoxicating and one keeps on striving to learn more and more about the world and everything taught at Oxford". 

"Dear me! You sound like one of those boring bookworms I had the displeasure of meeting. You never striked me that type of person. You are far too entertaining and fun", Georgiana said surprised. 

Tony chuckled: "Thank you for the compliment, if it was meant as one. I do enjoy many things. And having the access to education is still overwhelming sometimes". 

"I'd love to agree with you but since we women are deprived of the privilege of higher education I can't", Georgiana said snappish. 

"Right", Tony replied and lowered his head. 

It wasn't fair but at the moment it was how the rules were and he prayed that someday soon that might change.   
During breakfast the party of four enjoyed themselves a lot by retelling the best events during Tony's stay.   
They shared a good laugh and before they could go over to their morning duties a visitor was announced.   
Mr. Stringer. But he wished to speak to him and not to Alison.   
Tony wondered what the suitor of his sister would want from him. Lady Susan offered her smallest drawing room for the gentlemen to converse privately. 

"Mr. Stringer, I hope you are doing well", Tony greeted him while bowing. 

"Yes, very well. Thank you. And you?", he replied a little nervous.

"Yes, me too. I'm leaving today. In an hour I'll be on my way to Oxford". 

"It is a good thing then I decided to come now", he stopped and was suddenly very focused on his own hat (the big one) in his hands. Twirling it around and round. 

"Forgive my bluntness, Mr. Stringer, but why did you ask to see me when it is my sister you yearn to see?", Tony asked after a while. 

Mr. Stringer looked up in surprise. 

"You know?", he asked with shaking voice. 

"Who doesn't? You two have been already in love back in Sanditon I was told. What is it then you wish of me?".

"I just wanted to know if I should write a letter and then visit your father or if I should visit first and do not need a letter", he explained shyly.

"But what for? As far as I know you haven't proposed to Alison yet, have you?", Tony asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"It is true, I haven't yet. My dad taught me to ask the father's permission first and then propose marriage".

"And what if the lady rejects you? Wouldn't it be better to be sure of her love before raising hope in her family?", Tony was sceptical. 

"That is true. Yet it is what my father used to tell me and I feel I can only honour him by doing it the way he would have wanted it. Do you ...do you believe Alison will reject my offer?", Mr. Stringer was clearly insecure. 

"No, she won't. As I said she has very strong feelings for you and I suppose I may call you brother soon. It's Tony then", Tony said and reached out his hand smiling. 

Mr. Stringer took it eagerly and smiled broadly: "James". 

Sidney opened his eyes and tried to work out where he was. He seemed to be laying somewhere and his head hurt. His hand searched for the exact spot which caused the pain. He found a big lump on the back of his head which explained why he was laying on his belly. He tried to turn around and sit up but he was overcome by dizziness and let his face fall back into the cushions again. There was no movement to be sensed so he must be on land or the sea was very very calm.   
It vexed him to be ignorant of the place he was in.   
Far away he could hear voices. He caught snippets of English and foreign language conversations. Was it Portuguese?   
Concentrating wore him out and he dozed off again.   
It was sharp pain that woke him up later. Someone was treating his injury with alcohol and it burnt a lot. 

"Stop it", he hissed into the cushion for he still was laying on his belly. 

"Please hold still, Mr. Parker. I'm almost done", a young man told him. 

Sidney did as asked and waited for him to finish up.   
As soon as he could he tried to sit up. The young man helped him up. It took some time until Sidney's eyes focused on his surroundings. He still felt dizzy and feared vomiting.   
After taking in a few deep breaths his stomach seemed to adjust and the dizziness slowly faded.   
He was in a clean room and the window was opened while fresh sea air was surrounding him. 

"We are glad you are awake now, Sir", the young man greeted him. 

"How long have I been unconscious?", Sidney asked curiously. 

"Three days now, Sir. Would you like to eat something?", he offered.

Three days?! What had happened since then? And where was the ship?   
Sidney asked those questions aloud and received an answer he didn't like much.   
The ship had been damaged and they had to make a stop. Fortunately Madeira wasn't far away and they made it there before the ship could sink.   
Right now they tried to repair the damages to continue the journey to Antigua. Nobody knew how long it would take for them to be ready to depart again.   
Another delay meant that he would be longer away from home ...and from Charlotte. And that the orphanage wasn't receiving the help needed. And moreover his acquaintance might withdraw his business offer - whatever he was about to offer.   
How frustrating!   
If he could be of any help to speed things up he would gladly offer it.   
But first he needed to regain his power to be of use. 

Charlotte hadn't come out of her room for many hours now and Samantha told her to leave Charlotte alone. Rose didn't like the idea of Charlotte being alone.   
She had witnessed her crying after reading a letter. Mamma had said Rose should leave the room and prepare for bed but she wanted to know why Charlotte was crying.   
Usually adults wouldn't cry as much as children. And if they cried it was because of something very bad.   
Did she miss Alison? Was that why she cried so much?   
Rose knew only one way to help Charlotte. She would share Charlotte's room with her as Alison had before.   
Mamma forbade her but Rose didn't care. Every night she would sneak into Charlotte's room and ask to sleep next to her. And whenever she did Charlotte would hold her very tight and sigh. Rose believed it to be a good thing. She liked making Charlotte happy again because she was her favourite sister.   
Despite being warned and sent away more than once by her mother and her older siblings Rose managed to make it to Charlotte's room this afternoon and knocked firmly on it.  
No reply. Strange. Rose tried again even louder. Still nothing. She decided to open the door herself but found it locked. 

"Charlotte? Charlotte, are you there? It's Rose. Hello?", she shouted. 

Again nothing. 

"Charlotte, please. I miss you! We haven't played together today. Please open the door", she said now, almost crying. 

It was unlike Charlotte to exclude her. Perhaps Kate was right and she was annoying and Charlotte believed her to be now too?!  
The tears came faster now and she was sobbing when the door finally opened. 

"Oh Rosie, what is the matter?", Charlotte had ink on her cheeks and forehead and her hair was messy. 

"Did you not open the door because I'm annoying and you don't like spending time with me anymore?", Rose asked with a choked voice. 

"Oh dear, never! I just wanted to finish the idea I had before it is gone. Come here, sweet angel", Charlotte embraced her and then led her inside her room. 

"Would you like to see what I have been working on?", Charlotte asked softly and wiped the tears off her sister's face. 

Rose nodded and when Charlotte sat on her chair next to the desk she climbed on her lap. 

"So, I wrote a story. This time it is about a turtle. Sandy from Sanditon. It is lost and has to find its way back home. On the way it meets new friends. Shall I read out loud?".

Rose nodded again and nestled up against Charlotte's torso to be more comfortable.   
Rose enjoyed being close to her sister again. And she loved the story. 

"Will Alison draw pictures for your story again?", Rose asked when Charlotte had finished. 

"I'd like that very much yet I'm not sure Alison has the time to do so. But I will ask her anyway. And when it's done I'll send it to Alicia, Jenny, Henry and James". 

"Have you seen Sandy the turtle in Sanditon?", Rose was curious about the exotic animals. 

"Unfortunately not. They do hide very well".

"Sidney said Antiboa has a lot of turtles and sea shells and colourful fishes", Rose said enthusiastically. 

"It's Mr. Parker and Antigua. And yes, I suppose Antigua is the perfect place for turtles to live". 

"He told me he's my friend and that I can call him Sidney! Mr. Parker sounds so ...boring. Will he come soon and visit us?". 

Sidney had been so nice to her and she missed playing with him. He had promised her to come back someday but until now he did not show.   
She looked at Charlotte and noticed tears in her eyes. 

"Charlotte? Why are you crying? Are you missing Sidney too as I do?", she asked her sister cautiously. 

Charlotte embraced her tightly and didn't say anything yet Rose could feel her heavy breathing. 

"Don't be sad, Charlotte. Mamma and I pray every night that Sidney will come here again. And when he arrives we can all play together. And perhaps he can read your story!", Rose exclaimed excited. 

"Oh Rosie, you do know I love you, don't you", Charlotte said touched. 

Rose smiled broadly: "And I love you too!".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And wow! Thanks for 800+ kudos ...never imagined anyone would be interested in reading ANOTHER Sanditon fanfiction. But thank you for encouraging me ❤❤❤


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments and for reading ❤❤❤

It was two days later when Sidney was strong enough to join the crew and the fellow passengers.   
This delay made him short-tempered and impatient. He needed to be in Antigua as soon as humanly possible!   
Yet all the frustration inside of him helped him be a very efficient worker. He spent hours on the ship repairing it with other men. They were joined by the British navy who offered their help.   
Sidney was busy with a hammer when a familiar voice made him stop. 

"The Admiral is awaiting your report, Turner! I can finish your work here".

He turned around to see if it was really him. Indeed! Of all the places on earth to meet him again Sidney never expected it to be a Portuguese island. 

"Mr. Molyneux, I see the navy suits you well", Sidney greeted the young man who looked at him very surprised. 

"Mr. Parker. So you are the British gentleman who was injured". 

"Yes, it would seem so. Have you been long in Madeira?", Sidney asked politely. 

"Almost three months now. It is a beautiful island and I'm glad I have something to keep me busy", he confessed looking away. 

"Still not over her?", Sidney asked knowingly. 

Mr. Molyneux kept his gaze lowered: "I believe I'll never be. But that is none of your concern. Despite all I'm indebted to you and I heard that I also have you to thank for being enlisted at all". 

Sidney had hoped that it would go unnoticed by him. He didn't want gratitude or appreciation for helping the man. All he did was offer him a second chance like John Lambe had done many years ago. And moreover it was no big deal. He only had to pull a few strings. 

"You are not indebted to me. Given my history with slavery it is the least I could do to begin to make amends", Sidney spoke honestly. 

"I see, Miss Heywood seems to have changed you. Or is it Mrs. Parker now?", Otis enquired smiling. 

Sidney scowled and was surprised that Mr. Molyneux knew about his feelings. 

"How-?", he began. 

"The way she made you stop attacking me gave you away. And the fact that you respected her enough to take her with you on your search for Georgiana. You make a good team if I may say. So, am I to congratulate you?", Mr. Molyneux explained. 

Sidney snorted and shook his head. 

"You are right about my feelings and I dare say she once felt the same. We didn't part in the best of ways. And now I had to rush off to Antigua on business matters. Anyway, the future is unpredictable and I hope it will be one with Miss Heywood being a part of mine. But until then I need to fix this ship to set sail as soon as possible!", Sidney replied and resumed his work.

Mr. Molyneux knelt down next to him and together they worked in silence. 

Tony chuckled to himself and shook his head in disbelief. A few hours earlier he had bid Mr. Stringer, his sister, Georgiana and Lady Susan farewell.   
The carriage had taken off and he had tried to relax. Lady Susan had accepted his letter but had told him that she believed it was a bad idea to not say goodbye in person.   
He knew it wasn't the best way to part. Yet it was the best he felt capable of. Facing her again and with their future so uncertain was too painful.   
He had been thinking of her when the carriage had came to suddenly stop. He had looked out of the window to see if an accident was the cause. But to have Andrew smirking at him had definitely not been what he had expected to see.   
His carriage door had been opened and Daniela had entered.   
Before he could greet her she had hugged him tightly and had started sobbing. 

"What is the matter, my dear?", he had asked being out of his depth. 

She had loosened her hold of him and had scowled. 

"Is this some jest?! You are leaving with no word and now you are asking me what the matter is?!", she had seemed very irritated.   
"How dare you do that to me?! No word in weeks! I believed we shared the same feelings but perhaps I was just-".

"We do! But Daniela, after your mother's interference I was afraid of making life harder for you. I do not want you to suffer just because of liking me", Tony had replied. 

"Liking you? You stupid man! I'm long past that! I believe I am in love with you. Why else would I beg Andrew to help me? Why else telling papa over and over how happy I am when I'm in your company?", she had had tears in her eyes. 

Being in love with him?! Was this the moment to propose? He had looked at her tenderly and smiled when she had leaned in and placed her lips lightly on his cheek. It had took him by surprise. Yet he had enjoyed the touch of her soft lips on his skin. 

He had taken her hand in his and had said softly: "If you are truly up to it we will somehow work it out. Because I am in love with you, Daniela. But first I need to complete my studies. I cannot propose until I am certain of where my future will lead me. I will write to you and try to visit as often as possible". 

"Our future", she had corrected smiling. 

He had felt so touched that he had placed his lips on the hand he had been holding. 

"Yes, our future", he had whispered. 

"Will you come to Sanditon in two months time?", she had asked him with so much hope in her eyes. 

"I will certainly try", he had told her honestly. 

"Then I'll keep praying you do. I will miss you", she had intertwined their hands. 

He had felt that flutter in his stomach and he had known that he would indeed try to come to Sanditon in June or July.   
A knock on the carriage door had interrupted their conversation and Andrew had peeked in. 

"Time to go, dear sister. A minute longer and your reputation is at risk", he had said earnestly. 

She had sighed and had turned back to him. 

"Good bye, Tony. I will be waiting for your letters eagerly". 

Another quick kiss on his cheek and then she had been gone and the carriage had resumed the journey.   
He had dozed off at some point but after a light meal at an inn he was now wide awake.   
Thankfully Daniela had been brave enough to come and bid him farewell. Now he knew that he would have regretted not seeing her again.   
Her mother was still an obstacle. But also the fact that he didn't know what would become of him.   
He was aware that the citizens of Willingden were expecting him to take over the family's farm when the sad day would come and his father was to die or too sick and weak to do the work himself. But Tony never saw himself being a farmer. It was accounting that draw him in. Yet he knew that Willingden would never offer enough opportunities for him. Even if he handled every farmer's financial affairs it was a limited number. He had heard of solicitors searching for men who were good in keeping the accounts. Perhaps one of them would make him even a partner if he proved to be good.   
He was well aware that Lady Salisbury would not approve of a working son-in-law. Yet it was out of the question for him to sit at home and lead a lazy life. Hopefully Daniela would approve of his plans. 

Two weeks passed with no word from James and Alison began to feel more insecure with every day. The day of Tony's departure he had just quickly stopped by the drawing room, had asked how she was doing and then had kissed her hand and had left. Tony then had assured her that all was well and that she just would have to be patient with him. Her patience was being tested a great deal. She did even stop by at the office with Georgiana but they had been told that he was very busy and currently in a client's house to take measurements.   
Four days ago Alison received a small package from Charlotte which proved to be the perfect distraction she most needed. It was a story she had written and asked Alison to illustrate it.   
Today she was almost finished. It was the scene where Sandy was reunited with her friends.   
Alison could feel that Charlotte's aching heart had inspired her to write this story. She had described the reunion so beautifully that it brought tears to her eyes. She hoped that her drawings would do it justice.   
Alison was painting Oscar, a male turtle who would scowl a lot but had the best and most loyal heart. He reminded her of Sidney and she wondered if Charlotte thought of him while creating the character. His smile was to be the brightest by the end of the story and Alison liked the transformation of this turtle. She smiled down on her finished work and decided to send it back to Charlotte in two days to make sure all the colours were dry and set.   
A knock on the door made her look up. 

"Enter, please", she said. 

Lady Susan smiling broadly stepped into her room. 

"Your lovely suitor is here. I came to see if you look presentable. The last few days you always had paint somewhere. Though I do think it looks lovely on you. And I am sure you could be completely covered in paint or mud or whatever and he still would look at you like you are the most beautiful woman. But I know that you would feel rather embarrassed to face him in such a state. Come here, I'll clean your face and then I'll check your dress", she said. 

Alison felt tears well up again. This woman who had been a complete stranger was now taking care of her like a mother would. She felt so blessed to call Lady Susan her friend. 

"What is wrong? Do you not wish to see him?", Lady Susan asked upon noticing her tears. 

"Of course I wish to see him. I missed him. I am just incredibly grateful for your generosity and your friendship", she confessed. 

Lady Susan's look softened and she embraced her. 

"It is me who needs to be grateful for you girls. Each of you brought me so much joy. Yet, dry those tears now and let us hurry up. We shan't let Mr. Stringer wait too long for us", Lady Susan said winking and opened Alison's apron she wore while painting to inspect her dress. 

Mr. Heywood read the letter a second time and couldn't decide what to do next. Give Charlotte the time she needed to open up or make her speak.   
Why would she let Sidney Parker go? Did her feelings for him change? It seemed impossible for him for he had witnessed the looks they shared. And her tears also proved that she was hurting.   
What had really transpired between the two?

"Brooding again, my dear? Is it the Mr. Hood again? Can't he afford to pay the rent for his cottage? I heard Peggy is pregnant again", his wife's voice echoed in his study. 

"No, it's not Hood. It is this", he replied and passed the letter to his wife.

Upon reading he watched her and noticed the tears in her eyes. How much he loved her compassion for each and everyone. Amber was indeed the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

"See! You judged him too early. Tony clearly states that is was both their fault they parted the way they did. It is a pity that Charlotte wouldn't speak a word of it. I'd love to understand. Perhaps we could even help somehow if we knew what happened exactly", she said with sadness displayed on her soft features. 

He took her hands into his. 

"She is grown up. If she desires our help she'll come to us. But until then we need to be patient and hope that they will work it out somehow". 

"But he's currently in Antigua and no one knows when he will be back. I'm already praying for his safe return. If something should indeed happen to him Charlotte would never be the same", she said worried. 

"Then keep on praying and I will join you from now on. I cannot bear to see her smile only once in a while and her mainly disinterested comments when we are discussing philosophical quotes. I want my happy resourceful girl back".


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much ❤❤❤

He had weighed up his options and was still uncertain about how to proceed. On one hand he wanted his father to be proud of him but on the other Tony had advised him to ask Alison first.   
He sighed and kept pacing the room.   
What was the right thing to do now? While having been busy in the office he had a lot of time to think it over and he hadn't made up his mind.   
Perhaps it was better to speak to her and tell her the truth. She could guide him and show him the way she preferred. Yes, that was his best option. 

"Mr. Stringer, I'm glad you are here", her sweet voice made him turn around. 

There she stood with her hair loose and a simple grass green dress which did not diminish her beauty. 

"Miss Heywood, I hope you are well", he said shyly. 

Now he was getting nervous. 

"I am, thank you. How about you? Are you exhausted from all the work?", she asked in return. 

"How do you- ...did you stop by the office? Mr. Watson told me two young ladies had asked to see me. But I had no idea-". 

She blushed and interrupted him: "Yes, I was there. Georgiana accompanied me. I had to know what was going on. You've been avoiding be for almost a fortnight now!".

"Avoiding you? Never! I was indeed very busy. I had actually planned to come and see you two days after Tony's departure but then I was drowning in work and I didn't find time". He stepped closer and took her hands.   
"Alison, I missed you every day", he said tenderly and kissed her knuckles. 

"As did I. I was worried you might have changed your mind", she confessed avoiding his gaze. 

"Why would I change my mind? I love you, Alison Heywood and I want to spend every second with you!", he proclaimed and she looked up.   
"The truth is I am conflicted. My dad, may he rest in peace, taught me to ask the father's blessing first before proposing to the woman I chose. Tony doesn't quite agree and told me to ask you first. I don't know what to do", he continued. 

Alison squeezed his hands. 

"I am not of age now so hypothetically you have to ask my father's permission and blessing first. Whenever you are ready my answer will always be the same", she smiled up to him. 

His heartbeat accelerated and he couldn't resist anymore. He leaned down and kissed her. While the kiss became more passionate James was aware that they could be interrupted any minute. He pulled back as gently as he could.   
Alison blushed even more and giggled. 

"So, you will not be disappointed if I speak to your father first before proposing to you?", he asked still a little out of breath. 

"Of course not. Have you decided when you'll visit him? Or are you planning to write just a letter?". 

"I'll do both. I am going to write a letter in two weeks and then I'll visit your family while you are in Sanditon. Tony said you'll be leaving London in three weeks".

"Exactly. Would you like me to accompany you to Willingden?", she enquired. 

"No, I want you to enjoy Sanditon with your friends. I can manage on my own. And I have already met your father a few months ago", he replied but was in truth very nervous about meeting Mr. Heywood again. 

Yet it was also stimulating to draw near matrimony. Every step would bring him closer to Alison being his wife. He would be allowed to kiss her every day and to share everything with her. Just the thought made his stomach flutter and he was all smiles. 

Sidney closed his eyes and let the salty air refresh him. Finally they had been on sea again. It had taken three more days after meeting Mr. Molyneux. The sun was shining and the sea seemed to have calmed down a little.   
The combination of sea air and sun made him reminisce about his first meeting with her. The way her curls floated in the wind and how hard he had tried not to pay her any attention and yet be at least in parts polite for Mary's sake. The way she had repeated her name made him aware of her genuine manner to face people. She wasn't one to simply please men and tell them what they wanted to hear. She would tell her mind. The next meeting with her proved that. Her quite accurate opinion of his brothers had made him angry. He felt like he needed to protect them and didn't like people talk badly about them. Yet he came to realise that she was right and he had closed his eyes to certain details. For example Tom neglecting his wife and children. Charlotte made him see clearly again. Not to mention how absolutely beautiful she had looked that night. White dresses suited her very well and her smile and laughter lit up the whole room. And when he rejected her apology the following day and made her believe that he didn't think of her at all, he knew that she was in truth the only woman he would ever feel drawn to.   
Her answers at Lady Denham's tedious pineapple luncheon made it all the more evident to him. Her vision of an ideal marriage and her defence of Georgiana fueled his interest in her. But then she walked away after seeing him naked and he was certain that she was far from being attracted to him.   
After confessing the embarrassing incident to Babington and Crowe he had begun to avoid her. He sighed deeply.   
Now she was the one avoiding him. If she had let him propose he would be happy now.   
But then, even a 'yes' from her wouldn't have stopped him to set off for Antigua. Those children were most important and he needed to take good care of them. He wondered what supplies they would need to rebuild the roof and if he could find a good physician to take care of the injured one. If Charlotte was with him he would have entrusted the child to her care. Though he would have been quite jealous. The child would have the pleasure of receiving her warm smile, her tender gaze and her soft touches. Sidney would endure any pain if she was to attend to him.   
"Oh Charlotte, you stubborn beauty!", he chuckled into the wind. Despite his frustration over her decision of letting him go and believing him to be a fortune hunter his love for her was unlimited. When all was settled in Antigua he would come back and fight for their love! 

"Amber! Did you know of this?!", her husband came rushing out of his study. 

"Know of what?", she asked while drying her hands in her apron. 

He scowled and gave her a letter.   
She read it and smiled slowly. When she finished she gave him the letter back while he was still scowling. 

"We are not sending any girl of ours to Sanditon anymore! I suppose even Rose would come back engaged!", he blustered. 

Mrs. Heywood started laughing but he didn't join her. She put her hands on his shoulders. 

"Rose is already lost to us. Did you forget that she's in love with Sidney Parker?", she said teasing him. 

He snorted. "That place is cursed. I will not allow Samantha, Kate, Anne and Rose to ever visit!". 

"What is the matter, my dear? We knew that someday they will fall in love and marry", she didn't quite understand his reaction. 

"Yes, we did. But I never imagined them to be so far away. I had hoped they would find love here in Willingden. As we did!", he said vexed. 

"I see. You are struggling with your rule of never travelling too far. Well, my dear, I know how much you value Charlotte's and Alison's company, so I suppose you'll definitely have to ignore that rule". 

"It's not only that! Look how broken Charlotte is. I don't want Alison to suffer the same way!", he confessed. 

"Charlotte and Sidney seem to be the creators of their own misery. Mr. Stringer on the other hand is asking to discuss a matter concerning Alison with you which means that he must have given it many thoughts and now he's ready to ask for your blessing. I'm sure Alison already agreed to marry him. It is just a formality now for she is not of age yet". 

"And that's another point. Even if I should give my blessing. They'll have to wait until she's 21. That is my condition. And if he drops her he doesn't deserve her". 

"Thankfully she will be 21 in five months. If they are only half as much in love with each other as we have been every day of waiting would be very cruel", she replied smirking. 

Her husband just looked at her tenderly and then kissed her.   
She would have to prepare him for Mr. Stringer's arrival in two weeks. He needed to soften otherwise he would drive Mr. Stringer away. And she couldn't have another lovesick daughter at home.   
As much as Charlotte had improved she was still hurting. Her eyes were rarely shining like they did before. Somehow Rose managed to bring out the smiles and giggles of Charlotte again. As a mother it was heartwarming to see how the sisters bonded and how much they helped each other. And thinking of her daughters she was eager to hear Alison's love story. Perhaps she could ask Charlotte about it. She would at least know what had occurred in Sanditon and London. 

Tom watched his children read a book over and over again. He actually didn't pay much attention to it. Until Mary didn't feel very well one night and the children insisted on hearing a story before going to bed. Henry was the one to pass him a booklet with shining eyes. 

"We want to hear Sandy's story again. And please show us all the pictures", Alicia stated. 

Tom would have loved to ask the maid to read to them for he didn't have a mind for it at the moment.   
Sidney's absence brought some obstacles with it. Though Lady Worcester informed him of the many investors Sanditon had now, his hands were tied. Stringer wasn't here to plan the new buildings with him and perform as a foreman again. And Sidney seemed to be the only one allowed to use the investor's money. At least that was what Lady Worcester claimed to be the arrangement between them and him.   
He felt like a restless animal in a cage.  
He needed a great event to keep more people coming to Sanditon. Having Lady Worcester here wasn't enough. If only Charlotte was present to inspire him. 

"Papa, please start reading", Jenny begged. 

Sighing he looked down at the booklet and was stunned. 'Sandy from Sanditon' said the cover and he recognised the beach of Sanditon on it. Even a few bathing machines were to be seen in the distance. What splendid work! He skipped through the booklet and admired the accurate illustrations. 

"Papa! You need to read aloud! Please", Henry was getting impatient. 

And so Tom did. By the end of the story his children were smiling and he had a wonderful idea. 

Mid June arrived and Charlotte expected a report from her sister from Sanditon. When a letter from Sanditon made it's way to her it wasn't from Alison. 

'Dear Charlotte, 

I hope you are well and that you will soon join us in Sanditon. There is something I wish to discuss with you. Something that might make Sanditon even more special! I know you are as eager as I am a supporter of Sanditon. Please do come soon and be our guest again. Though Lady Worcester insists that you stay with her if you decide to come. Mary and the children will be delighted to see you again. Arthur and Diana will arrive very soon too. We all will be waiting for your arrival.   
Your friend T. Parker

P.S. if you have more of your fabulous stories about "Sandy from Sanditon" then please bring them with you. The children love the story booklet you sent last time'

No word about Sidney. His letter sounded like it didn't bother him that his brother was far far away and that nobody had heard from him yet.   
As much as Charlotte shared Tom's enthusiasm for Sanditon she cared much more about the ones she loved. And while Sidney was in possession of her heart, her sorrow for him was beyond measure. Her mind would keep drifting off to him. Was he safe? Did he have enough food? Did he arrive finally to help the children and people in need? Why did he not send a note or a letter by now? Was he even still alive?! 

"Please be alive and safe, Sidney! Please! Please, come back to me, my love", she whispered whenever this scene of worst case would haunt her.


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for reading and leaving comments ❤❤❤

She wouldn't go back to Sanditon. It was too painful at the moment. She felt sorry for promising Daniela to meet her there but not keeping her word now. As much as she loved to see Mary and the children again she wasn't ready for Tom. Just looking at him would remind her of the sacrifice she and Sidney made. Of him being the reason she refused to hear Sidney out, to let him propose. His financial situation would always be an obstacle - unless someone managed to give the Parkers a substantial amount of money. Though she knew that Mr. Milford was quite wealthy she had also heard Sidney telling Lady Susan that he wouldn't ruin his sister's happiness by asking financial support of her future husband. He was so proud and he'd rather give his last penny than watch any of his siblings be unhappy. She loved him so much for being loyal and caring. How much she wished to take back her last words spoken in anger and despair. His hurt look was still haunting her.  
Her nightmares of Tom or someone else dragging him away had stopped since she had received Alison's letter informing her about Sidney's departure and his responsibilities in Antigua. Instead she dreamt of him drowning, being injured or starving to death on a ship. As soon as Rose and lately also Peter would crawl into her bed she would slip into sleep without dreaming anything. She sighed and continued to collect mushrooms for her mother.  
Before Sidney she believed women in novels to be exaggerating whenever they would suffer heartache. Now she understood them much better. She still believed that women should not see themselves only as wives or mothers. There was so much more a woman could be. And perhaps one day women would rule the nation and be allowed to be equals of men. Oh she would do anything to see it become a reality.  
While she leaned down to pick a nice example of a mushroom she heard someone behind her.  
She turned around and looked directly into Timmy's eyes before he put his arms around her hips. 

"Is everything alright, Timmy?", she asked him worried. 

He looked up and she saw him smile. 

"I am happy you are here, Miss. They told me you risked your life for me and that you were actually on your deathbed. I am so sorry, Miss!", the little boy confessed. 

"Don't be! Everything is well now, Timmy and that is all that matters", Charlotte leaned down and kissed his forehead. 

"Do you have a little time to come and visit my parents? Everyday they want to come but they are too exhausted in the evening to leave the house". 

"Of course I can come", Charlotte replied and took his hand. 

They walked and talked about tales of the forest they were about to leave behind them.  
Once they arrived at Timmy's house Charlotte stayed behind to let him announce her visit.  
His family was so pleased to see her and his mother couldn't stop crying and thanking her. 

"Please, Mrs. Sherwood. Stop thanking me for something that is naturally. I won't hear any of it anymore. I am incredibly happy that Timmy is well", Charlotte tried to make Timmy's mother stop. 

In the end she was handed a cushion with "Charlotte, our heroine" embroidered besides ornaments of flowers. Mrs. Sherwood confessed that she had finished it long before Charlotte awoke and that she had since then planned to give it to her but that the opportunity never arose.  
Charlotte thanked her and hugged Timmy and his siblings before she left.  
It didn't feel right to be called a heroine when all she did was her human duty. Yet it was a nice gesture of the Sherwoods and that was the reason for accepting the gift in the first place.  
Back home her mother had also tears in her eyes upon eyeing the cushion. She gave Charlotte a kiss on her cheek and went to serve dinner.  
Her parents were exchanging weird looks during the meal which Charlotte couldn't read. She decided to ignore it. If they were up to something she would sooner or later know about it.  
The first third of her night was again dominated by a nightmare. This time Sidney was trapped in the ship while a fire was raging. She watched him choke as the air became thicker and nothing more was left than ashes and smoke. 

"You are shivering!", a soft voice exclaimed and Charlotte came to sit. 

She was awake now and Peter was touching her arm. 

"Shall I bring my blanket to cover you?", he asked worried. 

Somehow this made Charlotte emotional and she couldn't stop her tears from falling.  
Peter's eyes widened and he left her room. Charlotte worried about scaring him away. But a minute later he came back and was dragging a sleepy Rose with him. 

"Rosie always knows how to make you happy", he explained. 

"Oh my dear boy, all of you make me happy. Come here. Let's cuddle and forget all the evil things in the world", Charlotte replied and helped her youngest siblings into her bed. 

"Oh yes, let's forget pepper!", Peter stated for he hated pepper. 

Charlotte chuckled and prayed that pepper would be the only evil thing in Peter's life for she wished he would always keep his gentle and empathetic manner.  
The next morning before breakfast Charlotte decided to take a short walk for she enjoyed the chirping birds and the wind playing with the leaves in the trees. She had been walking for ten minutes when a familiar face came into sight. 

"Mr. Stringer? Is everything alright with Alison and Georgiana? Did something happen?", she asked him alarmed.

What was he doing here? 

"No, no! Everything is well. In fact I am surprised you are not expecting me. I believed Alison would have told you by now", he answered shyly. 

And then it dawned on her.  
He was here to ask her father's blessing! So matters between her sister and him must have progressed exceedingly.  
Charlotte couldn't contain her happiness and embraced him. 

"Welcome home, dear brother to be!", she whispered. 

"Thank you, Miss. But first I have to convince your father", he said after letting go of each other. 

"Please, call me Charlotte now. I wonder why my sister didn't tell me any of this!". 

"We discussed it and she was afraid her happiness would make you hurt more", he replied avoiding her gaze. 

"Nonsense! I couldn't be happier. How dare she even think that of me?", Charlotte expressed her disappointment. 

"Alison meant well, I can assure you of that!", Mr. Stringer defended his love. 

"I'm sure she did. And yet I dislike her secrecy. Was she well when you left?".

"Unfortunately I didn't see much of her for I had a lot of work. Yesterday I stopped by in Sanditon. She seems to enjoy being back there very much. Though she expressed how much she misses you. Lady Worcester told me that you will join them in Sanditon soon".

Charlotte looked away to avoid his eyes. 

"That was the initial plan. But I'm not sure yet if I am ready to leave my family again". 

That was only half of the truth. She didn't want to tell him about her fear of facing Tom. 

"Well, I hope you do. Miss Lambe was very disappointed to not find you already there". 

They continued to walk towards the Heywood's house in silence. When the front door emerged in front of them Mr. Stringer stopped. He looked pale and Charlotte took pity on him.

"Come on, all will be well", Charlotte tried to encourage him and put her hand on his forearm. 

Mr. Heywood wasn't pleased to have the intruder in his house before breakfast. He had hoped that he would meet him in the afternoon. But those lovesick young gentlemen were too eager and showed up too early.  
He noticed his wife's glare telling him to behave and be the perfect host. Mr. Stringer was pale and didn't touch any food offered. Though Charlotte and his wife tried to engage him into conversation his answers were short and he stammered a lot.  
Good. He was nervous and anxious. Which showed Mr. Heywood that the young man didn't take his blessing for granted.  
After breakfast he asked Mr. Stringer to join him in his study. He noticed him trembling slightly and he contained a smile.  
Poor boy! He was no fiend. He just wanted to make sure that Alison would be looked after and that he truly loved her. 

"Take a sip, Mr. Stringer. You look like you are in need of it", Mr. Heywood teased him. 

Mr. Stringer nodded curtly and took a big sip of the drink he had offered him. 

"So, let's get straight to it. The important matter you wish to discuss with me. I suppose you are planning to marry my daughter?". 

"Yes, Sir. If you and Miss Alison will give your consent", he replied politely. 

"Are you telling me that you haven't asked Alison yet?", he asked surprised. 

"Well, my dad taught me to ask the father's permission and blessing first. But your daughter knows about it and is aware of my feelings for her". 

He seemed to be a well-bred lad. 

"And what are your feelings exactly?", Mr. Heywood wanted to know.

"I ...I love your daughter most ardently and I want to make her happy", Mr. Stringer stammered. 

"That sounds well. But will you be able to take care of her?". 

"I'm working hard to have my own architect's office some day. And when I have accomplished that I wish for Alison to join me. I know it is not common but I've seen the passion for architecture in her eyes and I would love to see her sketches come to life. She doesn't know that I'm planning to have her work with me as often as possible for I'm afraid of not making it at all and then I would have got her hope up in vain", Mr. Stringer replied. 

Mr. Heywood was stunned to hear this revelation. A supportive husband was exactly what he had wished for his daughters. And now he had a nervous one sitting across from him. He seemed to be ambitious and reliable. It was up to Alison now. 

"So, I believe I can start calling you James then?", Mr. Heywood said reaching out his hand. 

James looked at him with surprise and then he smiled broadly and took his offered hand to shake it. 

"What about your family? Do they approve of Alison?", Mr. Heywood asked and remembered too late that he had lost his father last year in a fire. 

Sadness washed over James' face. 

"My mother and my little sister died when my mum was giving birth to her. From there on it was only my dad and me. Until last year. I have no aunts and uncles or at least none alive. It's just me". 

"Good thing we have twelve children. Eleven of them will be your brothers and sisters. I know you are already a friend of Charlotte's and I'm sure you'll get along very well with Anthony". 

James was clearly touched and said: "I do. I consider Tony my friend already and I hope I'll have a chance to get to know the others better". 

"You will. Stay with us for one night. My wife's stew is legendary and you wouldn't want to miss it, believe me". 

As Mr. Heywood had some obligations he left James to Charlotte's care. He overheard Samantha and Kate swooning over James' handsome face, cute curls and nice manners. God help him there were no other men like Sidney and James to come anytime soon for a visit for he was sure Samantha would be the next one to fall in love. Giving away two girls in one year was enough for now. Though Charlotte and Sidney still needed to work it out.  
Charlotte and the youngest took James to their favourite spot where they planned to sit down and eat bread and cheese for lunch.  
When they were gone his wife approached him.

"I hope you have been polite", she said earnestly but with a playful expression on her face. 

"I dare say I have been. Or did you see him run off? He will be good to her. And if she'll have him I have no objections. I gave my blessing", he replied and gave her a quick kiss before he left. 

Dinner that evening was a lively affair. The children were eager to hear about Sanditon and London. When James told them about a bridge made of iron they were in awe and he even sketched it for them. After the children went to bed the adults stayed behind to talk. 

Later in bed his wife sighed happily and proclaimed: "I'm so glad our daughters chose such fine gentlemen to give their hearts to". 

He didn't want to destroy his wife's happy mood and said nothing. He wasn't completely convinced that Charlotte chose wisely. Even if Sidney was a good lad he still had Tom Parker as a brother. 

The next day after breakfast all the Heywoods stood in front of the house to bid James farewell. It was a heartwarming moment for everyone to see that he was already a member of their family. Even her father smiled broadly and wished him a safe journey back to London.  
He was merely gone an hour when another carriage came to stop in front of their house. Jonathan, Peter and Rose were playing outside and rushed in very excited. Charlotte was helping Kate to improve her understanding of higher literature, Anne her skills in counting and Caleb his skills in mathematics. 

"Charlotte! Your friend is here!", Jonathan exclaimed when he stormed into the drawing room they were sitting in. 

For one moment her heart dropped. Was he finally back? Was he safe and in good health? But most importantly: did he still love her and came to fight for their love as promised many times before their dispute?  
Her heartbeat was so fast she was afraid it would burst out of her ribcage.  
Slowly she made her way to door to open it. 

"Good morning Charlotte", a male voice greeted her and she felt like she was about to faint.


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Night shifts for me again! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading ❤❤❤

Andrew stepped forward to catch her for he had seen all colour leave her face. 

"I never made a young lady almost faint. Indeed I do not know why men boast of it whenever they do. Doesn't feel good", he said teasingly while placing Charlotte on a chair nearby.

She looked up at him and he saw tears in the corner of her eyes when it dawned on him. 

"I'm sorry, my dear, that I'm not Sidney. In fact I suppose he might have just arrived in Antigua. The journey takes seven weeks to and four weeks back. And he left the day after you did", he patted her hand. 

"CHARLOTTE! Why is a stranger in our house and touching you?", a male voice yelled from the stairs. 

He turned to look who it was and found a gentleman about 50 years old with greying hair, brown eyes and a frown on his forehead.   
That must be Mr. Heywood, Andrew thought to himself. 

Charlotte stood up and explained: "No papa, he is a friend and not a stranger. And he just supported me for I was about to faint".

Mr. Heywood's expression softened instantly and he came to his daughter. 

"Are you not well? Do you need a doctor?", Mr. Heywood was all concern. 

He seemed to be a very loving and protective father. 

"I'm alright, papa. I'm feeling much better now". 

"Actually it was my fault. I'm not Sidney and yet I had the audacity to show up", Andrew said trying to lighten the mood. 

Mr. Heywood turned to him and raised one eyebrow. 

"And who might you be? I hope you are not another suitor coming to steal one of my other daughters". 

"Please call me Andrew, I am Lord Salisbury's son. And as lovely as your daughters are I already have Tony and that's enough for now", he replied winking. 

The moment he saw Mr. Heywood's shocked and vexed face he knew that it came out wrong. 

"What is this? A bad joke?!", he shouted. 

"Papa, please calm down. What he meant is that his sister Daniela and Tony are ...are...", she turned to Andrew and asked him: "As what exactly did they part actually?". 

"As lovers. Your brother hasn't proposed yet. He told Daniela that he needs to sort out his career first and she agreed on waiting for him", Andrew answered matter of factly. 

"My son and the daughter of a lord?", Mr. Heywood whispered confused. 

"You'll love her! I know you have objections against nobility but Andrew and Daniela are more like us than anyone else I met in London", Charlotte tried to convince her father. 

"Allow me to prove Charlotte's words to you. Daniela and Lady Susan are waiting in the carriage", Andrew said and left the house without waiting for an answer. 

He hoped that the Heywoods would accept his sister. The father seemed a bit stern. But given the circumstances that James Stringer might have just been here he understood well. 

"I see you have lost the bet, Andrew. I told you that Charlotte and her parents are not easily persuaded, no matter how charming you believe you are", Lady Susan chuckled. 

"Well, I did not have a proper chance to sweep them off their feet for Charlotte fainted slightly upon seeing me. I have never seen such disappointment in a lady's face. She had hoped I was Sidney", he explained with a sad voice. 

Seeing Charlotte that fragile made him pity her. 

"Oh my poor girl!", Lady Susan exclaimed worried and got off the carriage. 

Andrew helped his sister who had shaking hands. 

"I'm sure they will love you. Mr. Heywood is already informed", he said to her. 

"How? Did Tony tell him?", she asked hopeful. 

He knew she dreaded his family's reaction to the news. 

"No. Charlotte and I did. Come, let's meet your future in-laws", he tried to be encouraging. 

When they stepped into the house Charlotte was hugging Lady Susan and a gentle looking woman was watching them while a few tears streamed down her face. He believed her to be Mrs. Heywood. Her husband was observing the whole scene from behind. His sorrow clearly displayed on his face.   
A moment later all eyes were on Andrew and Daniela. Charlotte stepped forward and embraced his sister. 

"I missed you!", they told each other at the same time and giggled. 

"Allow me to introduce my friends. Children of Lord and Lady Salisbury: Andrew and Daniela", Lady Susan announced smiling. 

"It as a pleasure to make your acquaintance", Mrs. Heywood said and smiled warmly at them. 

"The pleasure is all ours! Tony told me so much about you all and now I'm finally here", Daniela replied shyly. 

While Mrs. Heywood and Charlotte made Daniela feel like she belonged to the family, Mr. Heywood was very silent and observant. 

When he finally spoke, he asked: "And what kind of life is it you're dreaming of?". 

Daniela blinked a few times for she was surprised to be addressed by him. 

"I'm dreaming of a life with Tony",she replied with shinning eyes. 

She looked pale and he couldn't stop wondering if this was a bad idea. 

"Shall we head back? We are still close to London", he asked his wife. 

She rolled her eyes and replied: "Babington, I told you I am absolutely sure about this. I'll have the baby in Sanditon. She is all I have left of my family. And now that she's getting weaker I need to be close. I recall you said you would support my decision". 

"My dear, I do! I'm just not sure about travelling for hours in a carriage in your condition".

"Oh please, the doctor said I still have at least three weeks until I'm due. Don't worry", she said softening a little. 

The fact that the child was now only weeks away made him even more nervous.   
Esther's last minute decision to leave London was due to Lady Denham who had informed her niece that she did not feel well and was getting weaker despite drinking her ass' milk and salt water everyday. Babington wasn't sure if Lady Denham was indeed sick. He had seen her in action while setting him and Esther up. The old lady knew exactly how to manipulate people to get what she wanted. And while Esther did not question her aunt's condition he did what he had promised in front of God and their families and friends: he supported her and was the best husband he could be. His wife would never admit it but their child was already changing her. She was far more emotional and softer. Her worry for her aunt was adorable and he hoped that none of them would regret it. 

"I hope Charlotte is already in Sanditon", Esther suddenly said while looking out the carriage's window. 

And I hope Sidney comes back soon, he added in thought. When he had left he was so agitated and broken. As much as he wished to fix his best friend it wasn't in his power. Hours before departing Babington had offered him repeatedly help. He knew Sidney was too proud to take his money so he offered to lend it to him. But even that was out of the question. What a stubborn idiot he could be. And yet he wished that idiot to come back safe and sound and marry Charlotte and have finally all the happiness he deserved after all these trying years. 

"Babington, if she is not, I must ask you to get her. I need some female support when the baby is coming", Esther emphasized. 

"Of course, my love. I'll do everything to make you feel better". 

Esther smiled tenderly but then said cheekily: "Oh you better! It is your fault after all that I'm in this condition". 

"That I am!", he replied proud and both joined in laughter. 

The Antiguan shore appeared near the horizon and Sidney sighed in relief.   
Finally! Today he would set foot on Antigua and could start taking care of things. First he would call on Grace and check on the children. Then he would send a note to Walter Dove (his Antiguan acquaintance).   
If all went well, he could be back in England mid August.   
It was noon when he left the ship. Having sea legs made him move slower than he usually would. Yet he made it to the small house John Lambe had left him to use. He fetched the key from above the door and opened it.   
All was tidy and clean. Surely one of Lambe's former servants must come every now and then and look after the place. Sidney was grateful but felt guilty they still felt obliged to serve him. He would leave a bonus for whoever came here regularly.   
Standing in his bedroom he observed his bed longingly for he was very exhausted and wished nothing but to rest. Yet he needed to get to work as soon as possible to head back to her. Looking out the window he watched the waves caress the golden sand and he felt regret for Charlotte not being here with him. She would love this place. He sighed and began changing his clothes. Later he would dip into the water to refresh. 

"Mr. Parker! Mr. Parker!", a group of children shouted happily when he crossed the lawn and walked towards them. 

He was surrounded by them and all hugged him. His heart felt so much happiness. A sensation he had believed to be incapable of after his argument with Charlotte. 

"You have all grown up! I'm happy to see you all. Is Grace nearby?", he asked them. 

"She's inside with Michael. His leg still needs healing", Noah told him. 

Sidney nodded and went inside to meet both.   
Micheal was five years old and a clever and brave boy. 

"Sidney!", Grace exclaimed and rushed by to embrace him.   
"Finally! I believed you've deserted us. What took you so long?". 

Sidney rubbed the back of his head where he could still feel the residue of his bruise. 

"I didn't receive your letter in time. There had been storms. And then my journey had been delayed. But I'm here now and I'll do everything in my power to fix this".

"There wasn't enough money to have Michael taken care of and the roof. I decided for him", Grace confessed troubled. 

"You did right! I'll take care of the roof. But first let's see how my friend is doing", Sidney replied and kneeled down to Michael. 

"He only got hurt because he ran back to save one of the babies", Grace told him. 

"That was very brave of you, Michael! You are truly a hero", Sidney said softly. 

"No, Sir. I did what everyone would have done. I couldn't let her get hurt", Michael said through gritted teeth for he seemed to be in pain while he tried to sit up. 

Sidney put his hands on his shoulders and made him lay down again. 

"Still, you did well. Now let us look after you. Healing takes time. Don't rush and try to be patient". 

Sidney stood up again and was angry with himself for not checking the roof before he left two years ago. Perhaps it had been brittle already and all it needed was one stormy night to make it crumble.   
Grace put one hand on his forearm. 

"It's not your fault. You did more for us than any other Englishman - well, except Mr. Lambe of course", she said. 

Sometimes doing more than others still wasn't enough!  
Sidney nodded curtly and made his way to the former attic. He inspected it and was relieved to see that the damage was indeed repairable. He just needed a lot of wood, nails and two or three men to help him. He would order the material immediately to start the work tomorrow.   
Once he was downstairs again he told Grace about his plan and left to see if Dove had replied to his note yet.   
When he arrived at his home a footman was standing in front of it. 

"Are you Mr. Parker, Sir?", he asked politely. 

"That I am. How can I help you?".

"I'm here on Mr. Dove's behalf. He is on his deathbed but he still asked to see you, Sir", the footman replied. 

Deathbed? How horrible!   
If Walter Dove wished to see him he would of course go. And so he left with the footman.


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤ Appreciate your comments and thoughts. Thank you so much ❤❤❤

She still couldn't believe sitting here. Somehow she yearned to stop the carriage and run back home yet she also yearned to see Alison and Georgiana again, to use the bathing machines and swim. She would also meet Mary and the children. And Tom and Lady Denham. She sighed and Lady Susan patted her hand. 

"I promise you won't regret it. All will be well in the end. And I'm sure we will have a lot of fun together", Lady Susan said softly. 

"Maybe. I suppose I have to face it all eventually. And I know that Mary, Tom and the children wish to see me again". 

Actually she did not really know what she was afraid of. Hearing Tom talk about Sidney and Mrs. Campion? Expressing how devastated he was that she was not to finance Sanditon? Seeing guilt and pity in Mary's eyes? Listening to Alicia and Jenny who imagine her being a princess who needs to marry uncle Sidney? Lady Denham comimg over and asking Charlotte why she wasn't married yet despite spending time in London?   
Charlotte couldn't say which of this scenarios was the worst. All she knew was that she felt exhausted just thinking about it.   
They arrived when the sun had only half an hour left to set. Charlotte asked if they could make a stop on the clifftop to admire the view.   
Daniela stood close to her. 

"I am happy you changed your mind. Sanditon wouldn't be the same without you. I'm looking forward to being your pupil while you teach me swimming", Daniela told her.

Charlotte smiled: "Me too. I'm sure you'll know how to swim in no time. I just wish Tony could come too". 

Daniela blushed: "Perhaps he will. I made him promise to try it at least. He hasn't answered my last letter though. But as we are staying in Sanditon for two months there is still time. I must say I am happy your family knows about Tony and me now - though I fear Tony won't like the idea of me meeting your family before all is settled". 

"Even if that was the case I'm sure he'll come around. Especially now that my father adores you", Charlotte tried to soothe her. 

"I still cannot believe he hugged me by the end and called me 'daughter'!", Daniela expressed with teary eyes. 

"He is one of the best men I know. He has a big and generous heart. I suppose he was initially a little grumpy because he doesn't like the idea of his children living far away from him. Alison might settle down in London and father just does not like the city. Which is why he was sceptical about Andrew and you. But after listening to you quoting Plato and supporting families with small income financially I believe he came to see what a wonderful person you are", Charlotte explained and kissed her cheek. 

"I hope you will be happy as I am very soon. I'm sure you and Sidney will work it out and-", Daniela began but was interrupted. 

"Please, don't. I do not wish to speak of him at the moment. Especially standing here. This was the place we first met and later parted after his engagement. How can a place beautiful as this evoke so much pain?", Charlotte whispered with a weak voice and Daniela embraced her. 

A few feet away Lady Susan and Andrew stood close to each other and watched Charlotte and Daniela. 

"Is there nothing we can do? I hurts to witness her pain and hurt", Andrew said low. 

"I fear our hands are tight. Yet as soon as he is back I will do whatever it takes to make them happy", Lady Susan proclaimed. 

She caught Andrew staring at her admiringly. 

"You are incredibly attractive when you are determined", he confessed and came even closer. 

"Watch your tongue, young man. You are lucky I'm not one of those young women who would pin you down to your flattery", she replied and teased him by leaning towards him.

Only to touch her nose with his and then turn away and chuckle. 

"I wish you would pin me down to it. Susan, I'm serious. As soon as you are free again I'll give it a try. You are the most generous person I have known. Not to mention your beauty and wit and kindness", he said earnestly and took her hand into his. 

"As much as I wish to believe you, I'm sure you'll find someone far younger and better suited for you. And then you might regret this conversation", Lady Susan explained with a sad smile. 

"No! Mark my words. Once he has replaced you I'll be there to dry your tears, to love you and to make you smile again", Andrew said with a hoarse voice and kissed her cheek tenderly. 

Lady Susan felt flushed and walked a few steps towards the edge of the clifftop to have the wind caress her heated face.   
Dear me, she thought to herself. He was really good with words. Despite not believing him completely the words had its effect on her. Of course it would be nice to be loved again. No, not physically. But to have a partnership in which the souls connected deeply.   
Could she have this with Andrew? A man twelve years younger than her?   
Actually she cared too much about him to expose him to London's worst gossip. In the end she was nothing more than a mistress of the future king.   
At the moment people respected her enough to look beyond that. But once she wasn't in that position any more would her status stay the same? 

It was a silent and short ceremony and within half an hour Walter Dove was put to final rest. Most of the attendants were his workers for his only living relative was his sister who lived in England. Some other businessmen were also present but kept their distance. Many of them believed black people to be far beneath them and didn't even want to look at them. Just watching them made Sidney furious and form fists. Why did they even show up when they did not respect Dove's attitude towards black people? Sidney didn't stay long after the ceremony for he had many things to do and he couldn't bear to be in the company of those small minded, ignorant businessmen much longer.   
The day after his arrival he had spent with Grace's fiancé and a friend of him repairing the roof. They had managed to finish the repair until sunset but had decided to install two more wooden beams for more stability.   
To do that Sidney had to organise the material the following day. After he had done that he had gone to call on Dove. He had sat with him for two hours before he had left. Dove had been mainly sleeping and Sidney had known that he wouldn't last much longer. The same night he had died indeed.   
And now on his third day after his arrival he was buried. And to be honest, with him Sidney's hope of finding a new investor or benefactor. He would concentrate on the orphanage now and when he was back in England he would deal with the ghastful business financing Sanditon was.   
This was a setback indeed. How would Charlotte take him if he couldn't make sure that there were enough funds in case Sanditon needed another saving?

"Mr. Parker? Will you swing us in the air later again?", Catherine asked him after she saw him enter the orphanage. 

"I cannot promise to find time but I will certainly try. Now go and play with others", Sidney replied and stroke her head. 

He went upstairs to find Matthew (Grace's fiancé) and David (his friend) already at work. 

"Sorry. I came back as soon as it seemed proper to leave. Here, let me help", he said while rolling up his sleeves. 

That evening they completed the repairs and the children could go back to their usual beds instead of sleeping in two rooms only.   
Sidney helped Grace coordinating the children's return to their usual rooms. At one point two boys started fighting and Grace handed Sidney the baby she was holding to interfere and make the boys stop.   
It was a baby girl and she was absolutely adorable with big brown eyes, curly black hair, dark skin and chubby cheeks. Sidney felt a warmth surrounding. It was such a precious feeling to hold her while she babbled and smiled up to him. 

"Hello there, little one. I wonder what your name might be", Sidney talked to her with a soft tone. 

"She doesn't have a name yet. Her father drowned in the sea and her mother died the day after giving birth to her", Grace came back and explained. 

"Tragic! Poor girl!".

"I had hoped that we can find living relatives to take her in and name her. But after six weeks I suppose there won't be anyone to come for her. I thought of naming her Charlotte", Grace told him further. 

Sidney almost dropped the baby for just hearing her name made him tremble inside. 

"You don't need to become pale and drop the child if you don't like the name. It was just a thought", Grace teased him while taking the baby back. 

"No! I love the name. It fits her perfectly", Sidney replied tenderly. 

Grace observed him closely. 

"Alright. Who is she?".

"What do you mean?", Sidney asked confused. 

"Who is this Charlotte that makes you react in such a way and speak her name most tenderly?!", Grace enquired. 

Sidney felt his ears heat up.

"Oh my! And now you are blushing! This must be serious then. I never thought I'd see the day that Sidney Parker would fall in love", she chuckled.   
"I need to meet her!". 

"Well ...if she ever accepts me I'm sure she'd like to come", Sidney mumbled shyly. 

"IF? If she accepts you? Is she blind or is something else wrong with her?". 

"No, she's just extremely rational and knows she deserves better than me. But I'm not willing to give her up. Our love is something special and I'm going to fight for us!". 

"That's the spirit. And since we have postponed our wedding to next year I expect her to come with you", Grace extended the invitation. 

"That would be wonderful. I'm sure you will like her. She's so generous and kind and beautiful and clever and creative and funny ...and I just want to share my whole life with her", Sidney proclaimed and it felt so good to do so again. 

"Wow! You are completely under her spell, are you not?". 

"Oh yes! And I love being it", Sidney confessed shrugging and smiling broadly. 

"I'm glad you found her. Now, as much as I like having you here, you need to get back to her. The next ship will be leaving in four days. That should be enough time for you to get all matters here settled", Grace said while putting little Charlotte into her crib. 

That night Sidney made a list with all the things he needed to sort out before leaving Antigua. He slept well and in the morning he decided for a morning swim. It was most refreshing and then he went back to his house. He had just finished breakfast when someone knocked on his door. 

Arthur tried his best to cheer Diana up but she was eaten up by worries. She feared that Sidney wouldn't make it. Diana never trusted ships or the the sea for that matter. In her eyes it was too dangerous! Since their arrival in Sanditon it was getting worse.   
Tom wouldn't stop talking about how disappointed he was that Sidney and Mrs. Campion were not to be married. 

"She would have been the answer to all our problems!", Tom lamented.

"I wish Sidney would have never met her! She's the reason he's gone again. And probably this time the journey will kill him", Diana said with choked voice. 

"Come now, my dear. I told you that there is no good in being pessimistic. We must keep our hopes up", Theodore tried to calm his fiancée down. 

"I'm just preparing myself for the worst. I can see it coming. Me, forced to marry without all my beloved brothers attending".

"We haven't set a date yet. We will wait until your brother Sidney is back from Antigua", Theodore patted her hand. 

"And what if-", Diana was about to speak.

Arthur interrupted her: "Diana, please. We all know Sidney to be a fighter. He will be back very soon. And he will take care of everything as he always does. Why don't you put some of that lavender oil on your temples and go rest? I'm sure you'll feel much better afterwards". 

"That's a splendid idea! I might just do the same", Theodore exclaimed and stood up holding out his arm.

Diana gave in and the couple left the drawing room. 

"And for OUR nerves some fruit cake?", Frederick asked him winking. 

He liked that Frederick and he shared the same love for sweets and pastries and food in general. Though both shared also the intention to stay lifelong bachelors. They had decided to become the best uncles imaginable to Diana's and Theodore's children. 

"Yes, let's go to the bakery", Arthur answered and was happy to leave Tom. 

He wondered if Mary was a saint for she managed to listen to him talk all the day despite knowing the truth about Sidney and Mrs. Campion. More than once he tried to make Tom see the truth by telling him how unhappy Sidney seemed to be during the engagement and that he seemed to be relieved after they ended it. Unfortunately Tom had started laughing and had told him that wasn't possible.   
Tom had always been a champion in believing what he liked and what benefitted him. Suit yourself then Tom, he thought to himself. It would be a big surprise to him whenever Sidney and Miss Heywood were to marry.


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long.   
> Work is still crazy ...since November I'm back working in the children's medical unit. Which includes the paediatric emergency room. A lot of Covid-19 cases, the youngest was only ten days old. And teenagers going mad taking all sorts of drugs to test how they react to it (since they cannot go to the cinema etc. due to lockdown). Also many suicidal teenagers.   
> Sometimes it is just too much.   
> But I do love my job and I love helping them. 
> 
> So, this story is my escape from a sometimes sad/cruel reality. I love Sidney and Charlotte and I promise they will be (very) soon reunited. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and leaving 900+ kudos and comments everytime. I'm overwhelmed by your support 🥺  
> ❤❤❤

"Charlotte!", Alicia, Jenny and Henry exclaimed happily upon seeing her. 

It was her second day in Sanditon and she had decided to be brave and face the Parkers as soon as possible.   
So, she called on them. 

"Finally you are here!", Alicia said after embracing her. 

"I'm sorry it took me so long to come back. But I hope my story helped you pass the time". 

"We love Sandy! But we lost the booklet. Even mamma can't find it", Jenny replied with a sad tone. 

"Perhaps Alison and I can create a new one for you", Charlotte suggested to cheer them up. 

"Yaaaaay", they cheered and made Charlotte smile. 

After showing Charlotte various toys and new pieces on the piano, Mary managed to have them stay in their nursery while she would drink tea with Charlotte. 

"How are you, my dear?", Mary asked her truly worried once they were seated comfortably in the drawing room. 

"I'm well. But how are you? How is Tom handling the new situation? I know he was very fond of Mrs. Campion", Charlotte asked in return. 

"My dear Charlotte, after all we made you and Sidney go through you are still kind enough to ask about our wellbeing. You are truly an angel", Mary cried. 

Charlotte blushed and took her hand. 

"Don't speak like that, Mary. You are my friends. Of course I care about you". 

"Truth be told, I fear Tom is up to something. He has been in such a good mood the past two weeks and everytime I ask what is going on he would say something great. I do know it is not news from Sidney or the Prince Regent visiting for a second time. I just have no clue what it could be and there us no one to keep an eye on him", Mary sighed. "But enough of Tom! I want to know how YOU truly are feeling! Surely Sidney's absence must be hard on you". 

"It is. Yet only because we did not part on good terms. I insulted him and he ignored me begging. So, I have no idea what it will be like if he ever comes back", Charlotte confessed. 

"I'm sure he'll come back and all will be forgiven. Sidney is very loyal and I have never seen him as happy as he was with you. If only none of the previous had happened you'd surely be married and you would be enjoying the Antiguan sun and beaches with him", Mary stated and her eyes showed the guilt she felt. 

"Please don't torture yourself by thinking like that, Mary. I believe-", Charlotte began when the door flew open and Tom entered the room smiling broadly. 

"Charlotte, my dear! Splendid! You are here. Oh you look very pale my dear, but nothing our Sanditon sun and fresh sea air cannot remedy! Will you join me later in my study? I have something I'm longing to show you!", he spoke enthusiastically as always. 

Charlotte wondered what had him in such a good mood yet decided to accept his request. 

He left the room again and Mary looked confused. 

"I hope it is nothing that will upset you". 

"I'm sure Tom means no harm", Charlotte found herself defending him to soothe his wife. 

Charlotte decided further to change the topic to distract Mary, she started to talk about her siblings and little Timmy.   
When Mary had to go to attend to Baby James (who was almost a toddler now) Charlotte headed to Tom's study. She took some deep breaths before she entered his sacred room. 

Tom had a very good feeling about this and couldn't wait to share it with Charlotte. He loved his wife but Charlotte was the only other person he knew who shared the same love for Sanditon as him. Which was why he was quite sure that Charlotte would be overjoyed when seeing what he had created. 

"Come my dear, take a seat", he said when Charlotte stepped into his study. 

She smiled and took a seat. 

"I have to say I was surprised to see how talented you and your sister are. Your story of 'Sandy' was incredibly entertaining". 

She blushed and Tom had to appreciate her modesty. 

"Well, thank you, Tom. I'm glad that not only the children liked it. Though they told me they lost it somehow. Alison and I can create a new one", Charlotte replied shyly. 

"Actually they didn't lose it. I took it", Tom admitted sheepishly. 

"Oh. I did not realise you like it that much", Charlotte teased him. 

"Indeed I did, yet I also had a wonderful idea. Which was why I took it in the first place. Look here", he pointed to his desk and Charlotte took a closer look. 

He noticed her eyes widening with surprise. She reached out to take the booklets. 

"I have five copies in total. This is your original one. And one of the copies is already circulating among the Londoners here in Sanditon. I have four families who asked to buy each a copy off my hands", he couldn't contain his excitement. 

Charlotte didn't say anything and he wondered if she was speechless because she approved or because she disliked the idea. 

"Charlotte?".

She looked up: "Excuse me, I... I do not know what to say".

She examined each page of the copies and then leaned back in her chair. 

"Whoever made those copies did well". 

"Yes, he did. And now we need more stories. It could be something people can only purchase here in Sanditon. A local treat! How many stories do you think you can come up with?". 

"Tom. I'm not sure this is a good idea. I started writing to make your children and my siblings happy while I am away". 

"Why would it not be a good idea? Can you not see it, Charlotte? Families back in London. The snow is falling and it's cold outside. Children gathered around their parents to hear them read a story about a place where they spent the summer. About a warm, sunny place. An escape from the real world. And then they decide to come back next summer! Simply amazing!", he tried to convince her. 

Charlotte seemed overwhelmed for she was still silent.

"Just promise me to think about it, will you, Charlotte?".

She nodded and was dismissed. After she left he kept pacing the room. Hopefully she would agree to his plan. This stories would certainly be something no other seaside town had! It was inventive and it might even be profit-making. He liked his idea more and more but without Charlotte's consent and creativity his hands were tied. If she disagreed he would be forced to make it happen anyway. It was too good an idea to give it up! 

From day to day there was a slight increase in her pain and Esther sensed that the day of childbirth was not too far away now. Yesterday she had news that Charlotte was back in Sanditon and she could not be more relieved. Having a close friend nearby was exactly what she yearned for these days.   
Her aunt had recovered surprisingly quickly after Esther's arrival in Sanditon. She was constantly preparing all sorst of things for the baby. She had even a christening dress made. Since she had no children herself she had none to pass to Esther, who was unexpectedly touched by the gesture. Her aunts high spirits were undoubtedly fueled by buzzing Sanditon. Everywhere one looked the beau monde was to be seen. 

"That fool, Tom Parker, has more luck than sense! If it wasn't for Lady Worcester no soul would have come to Sanditon!", her aunt had kept saying. 

And she was certainly right about that. Charlotte would never take the credit but Esther and Babington had already defined that it was she who had made Sanditon a success this year. Lady Susan only came to Sanditon for Charlotte - the first and the second time. This time it was to keep her promise and an eye on Tom Parker while Sidney was away. At least that was what she had told Babington. 

"Lady Babington, a Miss Heywood to see you", a maid made her look up. 

She was sitting in a drawing room and stroking her belly absentminededly. 

"Please, show her in", Esther approved. 

Moments later Charlotte entered the room and Esther realised then how tensed up she had been for she relaxed immediately after seeing her. 

"Finally! I thought you are willing to risk missing the birth of my child", Esther greeted her with a slightly chiding tone. 

"To be honest, I almost was", Charlotte confessed and embraced her. "You look great! Glowing". 

"Oh if you mean like a pumpkin in human size by great, then you are absolutely right!", Esther replied and rolled her eyes. 

"Are you well, Esther?", Charlotte asked her. 

"As well as one can be being so close to giving birth. But actually I should be asking you! With Sidney's absence and all I suppose you are not too well. Though you look very good indeed. Perhaps a little pale but altogether very good". 

"I am ...well enough. I try to keep occupied. Though being back in Sanditon doesn't keep my mind a lot away from him. I just hope that he is safe and well", Charlotte confessed. 

"Well, as soon as the baby is here you can come whenever you like to keep busy. I'm sure I'll need all the help there is. I never took care of a child", Esther said slightly concerned. 

"Do not worry, motherhood comes naturally. And I suppose you'll have a nursemaid. So, you won't be left alone with the task", Charlotte tried to encourage her. 

"And yet I believe I will be far more relieved if you stay near. I ...I never had a friend I could rely on. You are the only friend I have, Charlotte", Esther stated seriously. 

"Of course I will be here. At least until Lady Susan, Daniela and Andrew are heading back to London. Alison and I will go back to Willingden. And if Mr. Stringer manages to propose until then, we will be preparing a wedding". 

"Ah, so the shy Mr. Stringer finally did a move!", Esther noticed smiling. 

And Charlotte told her all she knew about her sister's relationship she knew so far. 

"If I remember correctly Sidney wouldn't have to go through your father's interrogation, would he? Since he already spent many days with your family", Esther enquired. 

"I would not know. And at the moment it does not matter. I believe he won't have me anyway and I offered friendship". 

"Humbug! Sidney will never stop to love you. I once told you he's very unreliable and perhaps he is. But he is extraordinarily loyal and since you are already the keeper of his heart - there is no going back. At least for him. Tell me, have YOUR feelings changed?". 

Esther dreaded the answer for it would surely end Sidney if Charlotte did not return his love anymore. 

The Antiguan shore was merely to be seen now. Sidney sighed and tried to process all that had happened the last few days. It had been very busy days and every night he had been so exhausted. As soon as his head had touched the cushions he had been asleep.   
And in the mornings he had woken up only mildly refreshed but he had had no choice than to keep going. He had been determined to catch the ship he was on now.   
And it seemed word travelled fast. A titled widow, Lady Bartholomew, who was also on the ship had been very   
on making his acquaintance. Yet he had heard that she had not much left of her fortune for she loved living above her means.   
150.000 £ was the sum Dove had left him by making him his business partner or in case Dove died the sole owner of the business. Sidney still couldn't wrap his head around the fact. That day after his morning swim Dove's solicitor had called on him to inform him and have him sign the paperwork. He had told him that Dove trusted only Sidney with the task of taking care of his employees. Of making sure they would receive their regular salary and that the business would still flourish.   
Sidney had wondered how making so much money was possible. The solicitor just said that Walter Dove was a clever man who had made investments at the right time which allowed him to expand his business and free more slaves.   
It felt overwhelming to be responsible for 800 new employees. Yet he couldn't have let any of the other businessmen take over. They would have ruined all Dove had fought for so passionately.   
Being the owner of his sugar and cotton business was not what Sidney had expected when he had read Dove's answer nine weeks ago. And yet he had not known that Dove had been struggling with a consuming disease. 

"Rest in peace, Walter Dove", Sidney whispered   
emotionally while watching the waves caress the ship.   
Despite the new responsibilities he felt also elated that now he had the means to convince Charlotte to be together. As the business was flourishing and all the world needed sugar and cotton there would (hopefully) never be cause to believe the business would go down.   
The possibility of having a carefree life with the love of his life made his heart feel much lighter.   
He needed to address her. Hurrying back below he set his feelings free. 

'My dearest Charlotte, 

somehow fate was generous and I will come back to you as a wealthy gentleman. Do not fear, the money is not the product of slavery - it's quite the contrary.   
Just the thought of being reunited with you makes me incredibly happy and will help me through the next 28 days of my journey.   
A fraction of me is afraid that you might still refuse me. I know you could do by far better. Plenty a men are better than me. But I know deep in my heart there is no one who can be as devoted and as enslaved to you as I am. I would do anything - ANYTHING - for you if you'd let me. No man can love a woman more than I do love you. You are the air I need to breathe, you are what is keeping me alive, you are my hope, my dreams, my everything!   
Please Charlotte, if I shall ever give you this letter promise me to consider marrying me because I cannot live without you!  
Forever yours Sidney P.'

While writing the letter he felt a flutter in his stomach in anticipation of giving her the letter. And the ring.  
Yes, it was presumptuous of him but he couldn't resist. He had walked past a jewellery store and had decided to come back prepared best to England. Now all he needed was the weather to be in their favour in order to avoid further delays.


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for reading, leaving comments and kudos ❤❤❤

Alison still wasn't sure if all was really well between her and her sister. They had embraced after her arrival in Sanditon but not spoken so much. And now Alison feared that Charlotte was still angry with her for her comment back in London. She had apologised and they had written each other letters but it wasn't like before their heated conversation. Somehow they even didn't find the time to speak about James and his visit though Alison died to know all about it.   
A knock on her door made her look up. Georgiana entered her room and closed the door behind her. She had a letter in her hand and seemed to be excited, her cheeks being flushed. 

"What is the matter?", Alison asked her intrigued. 

"This letter is from Otis! And he reports that he had the pleasure of meeting Sidney on his way to Antigua!", Georgiana answered with sparkling eyes. 

"That is wonderful news! We need to inform Charlotte immediately!", Alison exclaimed excitedly. 

She was standing now and wanted to drag Georgiana with her to Charlotte's room but Georgiana held her back. 

"And that is the problem. We cannot do that. He writes that Sidney had been injured. I suppose if Charlotte knew about it she would be far more concerned than she already is. I just needed to share my joy with someone. Yet Charlotte shall never know about this letter and its content". 

"I cannot lie to her! Especially when she states that he might never come back", Alison disliked Georgiana's suggestion. 

"It's not lying. You are just withholding the truth. And it's in Charlotte's best interest. We do not want to upset her, do we?". 

"Still, I do not like keeping something from her. If anyone is entitled to know about Sidney meeting Mr. Molyneux it is Charlotte!", Alison insisted. 

"As I see it, we wouldn't be doing her a favour. What if something happens on his way back and he'll never arrive in England? Telling her he was in Madeira and had a head injury would only trouble her. Alison, I have been on a ship from Antigua to England. It is no easy journey. Many times I believed I'd die. And if I wasn't so homesick I would never set foot on a ship again. But unfortunately it is the only way to get to Antigua", Georgiana emphasized and made Alison hesitate. 

"Very well then. I shall not mention it", Alison said after a while. 

Though she still felt like betraying her sister. Yet Georgiana was right. If -God forbid- something happened to Sidney and Charlotte kept hoping for him to come back soon just because someone had seen him weeks ago, she would be devastated when he would never show up.   
Alison sighed and another knock on her door made her turn around. Charlotte opened the door slightly and asked if she was permitted to enter. 

"Of course, dearest sister!", Alison exclaimed and hurried to embrace her. 

The young women didn't let go of each other for a while. 

"I missed you so much!", Alison said through tears. 

"But I am here now", Charlotte replied a little confused.

"I fear you are still angry with me for shouting at you back in London". 

"I am certainly not. However I confess I was disappointed that you didn't mention James's visit in any of your letters to me. And his explanation didn't make me feel any better. How is it you believe me to be so begrudging when I was the one encouraging you two?".

"Oh Charlotte, I just didn't want to make you think of Sidney and your missed chance. I tried to protect your bruised heart". 

"There is no need to protect it. It is not your duty to do it. I am responsible for my heart and despite the pain I am still capable of feeling all kinds of joy! I couldn't be happier for you and James!", Charlotte explained. 

Alison cried even more and felt so much love for her sister. She was proud of her for being so strong. If it was the other way round she would have buried herself somewhere and wouldn't come out until James was back.

"Are you done with being nauseatingly emotional?!", Georgiana asked behind them. 

Charlotte laughed and embraced her too. 

"Actually I came to ask if you are in the mood to join Lady Susan, Daniela and me. It is a warm sunny day. Perfect for sea bathing", Charlotte said smiling. 

"I'd love to go", Alison told them. 

She had been bathing in the lake back in Willingden but it was no comparison to the feeling of waves of the mighty sea crushing on you. It was invigorating and frightening at the same time. 

"Why not? It doesn't matter where I am I'll still attract far more looks than I'd like", Georgiana sighed and Alison noticed her defeat. 

Poor Georgiana was exposed to a lot of hostility. Would her skin colour always be an issue within English society?  
Alison turned to her sister to signal that they needed to do something to cheer her up. But Charlotte was frowning and Alison could almost see her mind working frantically. Then she smiled to herself and Alison kept wondering what kind of idea her sister might have had. 

Andrew watched Susan interacting with Alison, Charlotte, Georgiana and his sister and his heart made a leap. The more time he spent with her the more certain he was that he wanted to be hers forever. He had to admit that at first the idea of courting the great Lady Susan Worcester only attracted him because he knew it would vex his mother. But witnessing her elegance and generosity made him truly fall in love with her.   
She still didn't believe him to go through with it even if she was to be free someday. But he was determined to wait for her. Even if it would take years to come. 

"Stop staring at her, dear brother. You wouldn't want her to get into any trouble, would you?", his sister had sneaked up behind him and whispered now. 

"Trouble? How so?", he asked raising an eyebrow. 

"Well, as long as she's loyal in her affection towards the prince no one will speak badly of her. But if people notice her offering her services to other men also, they will-".

"It's not about her services! I wish to be her husband!", he hissed and glared at his sister. 

She put her hand on his forearm to soothe him. 

"I am aware of that. But others will assume that she is open to other men also whenever they see her flirting with you", Daniela explained with a soft voice. 

He sighed and formed fists. 

"I do not care what people think. Yet in this case I suppose I do have to give in. This is about Susan and not about me". 

"May I ask you something? But you have to promise to stay calm and not get angry", she bit her lip. 

"That's a promising preamble", he replied dryly. 

"Well, do not get me wrong, I love Susan and I would be glad to call her my sister someday, but what if the prince will not free her. What if he keeps requesting her company. How long are you willing to wait?".

"How long would you wait for Tony?! I am ready to do whatever it takes to share my life with her. The prince is a superficial man. As soon as he finds someone younger or more beautiful in his eyes he will drop her. And I will catch her. Even if she shall be grey and old".

"I hope he will drop her sooner! You should at least have one child. I want to spoil your daughter or son only as a aunt may do", she said playfully. 

Her comment made him smile. Imagining a brunette whirlwind dashing through Melrose Place and Susan laughing with her daughter made him feel warm inside.

"Come on, Daniela, we are next in line for the bathing machines", Alison called over excitedly. 

"We will see you later, Andrew", Susan dismissed him.

Oh she was still trying to keep him at arms length but he wouldn't give up so easily. 

It was the first week of August and he paced the corridor up and down. Everytime he heard her scream he felt like dying. Crowe had arrived that morning and was sitting on the stairs and watching him. 

"Do you fancy a drink now?", he asked everytime their eyes would meet. 

The truth was he very much did but didn't want to hold his child in a drunken state.   
Whenever that child was coming. Why did no one warn him that it could take hours? Esther had been in labour since yesterday night and now the sun was setting again. What if something was wrong?!   
He felt like fainting. He was about to suggest to Crowe to leave for a short walk when Charlotte came out of the room. 

"Is everything alright?", he approached her scared. 

"Yes it is. The midwife said it should not take much longer now. But Esther asked for your presence", Charlotte explained. 

"Yes of course!", he said gulping and followed Charlotte into the room. As much as he feared to watch his wife in pain he also wanted to be the husband she needed now!   
Walking inside he was again near fainting. His beloved wife was pale as a sheet and sweaty and had dark circles under her eyes. She looked fragile and all he wanted to do was to take the pain away from her and see her smile again. 

"Come here! You caused this mess and I want you to have a share in it!", she yelled at him, yet he detected a weak smile on her face. 

He hurried to take her hand and kissed the back of it. 

"What is it you want me to do, beloved Esther?", he whispered. 

"Just hold me and aaaaahhhhh", she screamed when a contraction hit her body.

Her hand enclosed his and he felt his fingers starting to get numb. For someone looking so fragile she still had a lot of power.   
He gulped again and didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say to soothe her pain or make her feel any better.   
She fell back into the cushions and Charlotte wiped away the sweat on her forehead with a towel. 

"You are doing great. You are almost there", Charlotte said encouraging. 

Esther turned to her and squeezed her hand gently to acknowledge her gratitude.   
In that moment Babington envied Charlotte for knowing what to say but he also realised what it was that had Sidney fall for her. She was like an angel attending to everyone's need and expecting nothing in return.   
Esther grew tense again and another contraction made her shake. The midwife instructed her to push now and he noticed Esther's face beginning to redden from the effort. 

"I can see the head!", the midwife screamed. 

His heart rate accelerated and Esther's hand tightened even more around his. 

"Now don't stop pushing, Lady Babington. With each contraction you need to give it all you can!", the midwife said calmly. 

"But I feel so weak!", Esther complained. 

"You might feel like you are weak, but you are not! My darling, you are the strongest woman I know!", Babington tried to empower her. 

He expected Esther to bite back with some sarcastic comment but instead she surprised him by taking his hand and kissing it.   
Before Babington noticed the tears on his cheeks Esther had to push again. 

"Keep on, Esther!", Charlotte said and held Esther's other hand. 

It seemed to spur her on for she pushed harder.   
Fifteen minutes later Victor Babington took his first breath and his mother fell defeated back into the cushions. Babington showered her hand with kisses of relief and pride and love and so much more.   
The midwife took care of Victor who screamed and didn't stop until he was laid down on his mother's chest. 

"Oh Babington, stop crying like a baby!", Esther commented dryly through tears herself. 

He, Esther and Charlotte laughed upon that. He didn't even try to conceal the tears or stop them. His relief and happiness were unlimited in this moment and he felt like wanting to embrace the whole world.   
After Esther had to push one last time for the afterbirth, Lady Denham came in. 

"So, is all the fuss finally over? Let me see your heir", her distant words were betrayed by the friendly tone and soft look she carried. 

While she took his son, Charlotte and the midwife helped Esther to get comfortable by changing into dry fresh clean clothes and he was dismissed.   
When he walked out of the room he noticed the blood on the towels and and the floor and he regretted looking. 

"Bloody hell, you look bad. Is something wrong?", Crowe asked him surprisingly sober. 

"I think I can use that drink you had offered me before", Babington confessed with a shaking voice. 

Crowe grabbed his shoulder and said: "Finally something I can do!". 

He pulled out his flask and handed it to him.   
Babington took it and drank eagerly. Hopefully he would forget the pictures of bloodstained towels soon enough. 

"So boy or girl?", Crowe asked smiling after drinking the rest that was left in the flask. 

"A boy. Victor", Babington replied and felt like bursting with pride. 

"I hope he has your kind heart and patience but his mother's sharp tongue and good looks of course!", Crowe exclaimed. 

"Thank you for coming! Especially now that Sidney isn't here it means a lot to me". 

"Well, I wouldn't want to miss witnessing you being a bad father", Crowe replied teasingly. "May I see him, too?". 

A bit taken aback by Crowe's request Babington only nodded and led the way to Esther's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you disliked the leap in time but I believe we all are eager for Sidney to return soon 😉


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤❤❤

He kept running his hand through his hair and was obviously torn. Yet Charlotte was determined and wouldn't back up.   
She had a clear vision and either Tom would agree or she would never write a story for his children again. 

"I see your point, Charlotte. I really do. Yet I'm not sure it is what the ton would like to read", Tom said hesitantly. 

"This is not about what they like it is about what they NEED to read", Charlotte replied. 

"Of course you're right but we have to keep their true interest in mind", he objected again. 

"Tom, I'm not going to write in an accusing tone. I'll be as subtle as possible and yet the message of the story will be clear", she tried to convince him. 

He sighed heavily and started pacing his study. 

"Why won't you let me write a draft and have Alison add some sketches and we meet again to discuss the matter?", Charlotte suggested now. 

"If only Sidney was here. He would know what to do. But yes, I think we should meet again after you have visualized your idea on paper", he gave in. 

Charlotte smiled and squeezed his forearm before leaving him to himself.   
She would consult Lady Susan and the Salisburys to see if it was indeed risky for she didn't want to be the reason for the ton to leave early because of being insulted.   
Yet she couldn't see how giving their children stories about tolerance would insult them! She had seen Georgiana's struggle with the ton. The looks that would follow her wherever she was. They did not look because she was a wealthy heiress. They kept looking because of her skin colour. Charlotte was quite sure that she had heard one of them once whisper loudly "slave" to his friend. She was disgusted but didn't want to cause a scene on the crowded street.   
Yet she knew that Georgiana had heard it too for she kept to her room afterwards and even skipped dinner pretending to have a headache.   
What kind of world was this?! Judging people by their skin colour and enslaving them!   
Charlotte was done watching. She needed to do something about it. Writing about Sandy meeting a turtle from a foreign place with a different colour but having the same needs and interests was all she could think of now. She wanted the children growing up to be righteous and kind and not carry on their ancestors's false view of the world!   
She was on her way to the beach now because Alison and Georgiana had taken the children and Arthur with them.   
Charlotte was still deep in thoughts when she bumped into a tall figure. She apologised immediately and stepped back. When she looked up she couldn't believe him being here. 

He looked out of the window and knew immediately why his sisters had fallen in love with this place. The sea air stroked his face and he inhaled it. How refreshing! Thinking of his sisters and Daniela made him giddy with excitement. He was wondering how Charlotte was coping. And if Alison was by now finally engaged. And if Daniela would still accept him. His father had written to him and scolded him for keeping 'precious Daniela' a secret. Tony was delighted to read that his father approved of his choice of wife. He was too aware of his father's prejudices against London society. Yet his sweet Daniela had managed to convince him of her pure heart and virtues and Tony couldn't wait to ask her to marry him. He still hadn't completely worked out which direction his future would take but he needed to secure her hand in marriage before someone else did.   
The coach came to halt and he jumped out. He asked for directions to Lady Susan's apartment and when he was taken inside he was surprised to find her all by herself. The curtains were closed and the room was shaded.

"Tony, dear! I'm glad you could make it. Did you have a pleasant journey?", she asked in a low tone. 

"Pleasant enough, thank you. But are you well?", he asked concerned for she looked also pale with dark circles under her eyes. 

"Well enough, thank you. I'm just suffering from a headache. Every now and then that would happen. But I'll be alright in two days. I'm sure you're wondering where your sisters are. They took the Parker children to the beach. If you hurry up you can catch up and enjoy a few hours by the beach yourself", she replied. 

He felt like she was dismissing him and he wanted to give her the lone time she needed to recover.   
He accepted her suggestion and had a footman explain the directions to the beach to him.   
Once on the street he wondered if it always was that crowded. If all of this were mainly visitors, Lady Susan, Sidney and his sister did well to promote Sanditon.   
He enjoyed the walk to the beach and took in every detail. When he came to a crossroad he spotted Charlotte who seemed to be deep in thoughts. He came to stand in front of her and she walked into him. 

"I'm sorry, Sir", she apologised. 

"Since when do you call me 'Sir'?", Tony asked teasingly after she had recognised him. 

"You made it!", she exclaimed happily and hugged him.

"Well, after father's letter I had to come. God, at times I believed HIM in love with Daniela. What did she do to have him being so fond of her already?", he queried chuckling. 

"She was simply herself. I am so happy for you. And for Alison too. Though James hasn't proposed yet. He wrote her a letter and informed her that he had an important client he had to attend to. But someday during summer he intends to come to Sanditon and finally propose", Charlotte informed him while they continued their walk towards the beach. 

"Well, I'm looking forward to seeing my sister engaged soon enough. Or shall I say my sisters?", he raised an eyebrow. "Any news from him?". 

Charlotte looked away and shook her head.

"I don't even know if he is alive. Tom said that Sidney would usually send a letter from the stop in Madeira and after his arrival. This time no word from him. We haven't heard of any shipwreck either but that doesn't mean anything", she replied and Tony could see that she was trying to hold up. 

"I'm sure he's fine. Just be patient. He'll come back and he will ask you to marry him. But this time, please, don't be a fool and accept him. I have never seen you as happy as you are in his arms. Those dances of you were pure bliss. And you deserve nothing less!", he kissed her forehead. 

One teardrop escaped each eye and Charlotte pulled his arm closer to her. 

"Thanks, Tony. I'll keep it in mind if he ever comes back. Now, let's talk about you. Any plans of proposing?".

"Actually, yes! And to be honest, I am very nervous!", he confessed laughing shyly. 

"No need to be. We all know her answer already. And she has been waiting for you eagerly. Today she, Andrew and her father are visiting a former acquaintance of her father's who lives nearby. But tomorrow you'll finally see her again", Charlotte said empathetic. 

Good. He won a day to get prepared. 

It was past eleven and silence lay over the house. She had heard the girls laughing with Tony and she had smiled. So much juvenile fun around her was infectious and made her heart happy.   
Her headache was still raging but it was not unknown to her. It was that time of the month for her and the first three days were almost always accompanied by the headaches. Sometimes she would even vomit out of nausea and pain. Sounds and lights aggravated her ache. She wasn't unhappy with the girls and Tony having been away the whole day and thankfully no one calling on her.   
She sat up in her bed to drink some water and was about to lay back again when a soft knock on her door sounded. 

"Come in", she instructed. 

Charlotte peeked in and closed the door behind her after stepping inside. 

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?", she whispered worried.

Susan was so touched by her protégé's concern that she could hardly hold back the tears. 

"Come and sit, my dear", she motioned to Charlotte to sit on the edge of her bed. 

She took her hand. 

"Thank you, for caring. I will be well the day after tomorrow. So, nothing to worry about".

"You always took so good care of my family and me. I just want to do something for you", Charlotte bit her lower lip. 

"My dear girl, it is my pleasure to make all of you happy. I never had someone to care of. I enjoy every bit of it - and trust me, even if you are all married of, I will still take an interest in your happiness". 

Charlotte placed a light kiss on her cheek. 

"I cannot thank you enough! Please, do not hesitate to call for me if I can be of service. Now rest and recover for there is a particular young gentleman who told your butler that he'll call on you tomorrow. I hope you'll feel better by then", Charlotte said winking and left her bedroom. 

Yes, Andrew had made it a habit to call everyday on her. And from day to day she grew fonder of him. It was a dangerous game they played. Despite trying to keep him at arm's length he was like a puppy always coming back and being happy to see her. She didn't want to risk either of their reputations but he seemed to not care about it.   
At least he was behaving in public. But inside her apartment he was a temptationhard to resist. A touch here, a longing look there and Susan felt like a little girl again experiencing love for the first time. Though that wasn't the case. She loved her late husband. Yet this new sensations with Andrew were something completely else. Perhaps it was the fact that it was forbidden which made it so exciting and invigorating.   
She wondered if he would lose interest in her if the prince set her free someday. 

She missed Charlotte everyday and she hoped she would come back soon. She liked her other siblings too but Charlotte was the one she felt safe with. The one who wouldn't laugh at her. The one who didn't mind her crawling into her bed almost every night. Mamma told her that she needed to let Charlotte go and finish her adventure.  
But when Rose had asked her what adventure her mother had leaned down and whispered: "The most important one of her life yet". 

"Will Charlotte still be crying when she comes back?", Rose had asked innocently. 

Her mother's eyes had widened. 

"Rosie! You noticed. I had hoped it would slip your perception. Charlotte is just ...confused and sometimes sad. Yet I'm sure she'll come back happy again. We just have to keep praying that Mr. Sidney Parker comes back soon", she had instructed her daughter. 

"So Charlotte is sad because Sidney is gone!", little Rose had deduced.

Her mother had laughed and had taken her into a warm embrace. 

"You are incredibly intelligent, sweetheart. Some things are only meant for adults to understand. But I'm curious to hear why you believe her sadness has to do with Mr. Sidney Parker?". 

Rose had frowned and had then answered: "They look at each other like you and papa. I asked them if they would marry but Charlotte said that Sidney is just a friend. And then he was sad. And if Charlotte won't marry him, I will. He is the best playmate I ever had. And I like falling asleep while he tells a story. With him it feels like I'm with Charlotte. I'm know I'm safe. Oh mamma, why are you crying now?".

Her mother had shed tears and Rose had felt very confused.   
Why were all adults crying so much lately. That pretty lady had cried too. What was her name again? Da ...Dana ...no Daniela. And Kate had told Peter and her that Daniela would be their sister soon too. Rose wondered how many more people would fit into their home. Because when Tony and Sam will be back from studying and Charlotte and Alison will be back home too and their new sister and brothers come with them they would have to sleep on the floor for there were not enough beds for everyone. 

"Oh sweetheart, as you are already suspecting rightly I will let you into a secret: your sister and Sidney are indeed in love and we have to keep praying that they will marry".

"But mamma! Who will marry ME then?!", Rose had cried. 

"Someone worthy of you! And you'll win the best brother-in-law possible. Someone who loves you already and will always protect you". 

Rose had entertained the thought for a while and then had asked: "And who will play with me? And who will read stories to me?".

"I'm sure he will". 

"Then let's pray now for I want him and Charlotte to come home soon!", she had suggested and her mother had smiled. 

That conversation was two weeks ago now and Rose was tired of waiting for Charlotte or Sidney to come back to Willingden. She still didn't understand why Sidney was in this Antiboa with the beautiful seashells and the turtles. But she had learned that adults were strange creatures who did strange things children wouldn't understand. 

"Rose? Is that you?", her father was sitting in his study and the door was opened when she passed by.

"Yes, papa?", she asked and entered his study. 

"Come here", he motioned to her to take a seat on his lap. 

She did as asked and nestled into his chest. He sighed contentedly.

"Promise me to take your time growing up, will you, Rose?", he said with a low voice. 

"But papa, I don't know how. It just happens", she replied honestly. 

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. 

"You are right, sweetheart. There is nothing we can do about it. I just wish you every happiness and that all your dreams may come true". 

Her father's deep and kind voice made her feel protected and safe too. She smiled and was happy. Even without Charlotte and Sidney she had at least her parents and her other siblings.   
The next day she was the only one home with her mother. The others went fishing and hunting but she was considered too young to go. How unfair! At least Peter wasn't allowed either. He was gathering eggs from the hen house. It was a very hot day and she was seated with her mother in the kitchen and was trying to wash the vegetables. It was so boring.   
Suddenly she heard a knock on the door and ran towards it to open it, believing it to be Peter with the eggs. 

"Finally! You are back!", she exclaimed happily and ran into the visitors opened arms. 

Charlotte was still smiling on her walk to Trafalgar House. She had been at Sanditon House and had spent three hours there. Little Victor was such a sweetheart. He was two weeks old now and watching Esther being a caring and loving mother made her very happy. After her ordeal she deserved to be happy. And Lord Babington was absolutely smitten with his family and couldn't stop kissing his son or his wife whenever he was near them.   
She entered Trafalgar House and found it to be very quiet. During the past weeks Mary and Tom had allowed Charlotte, Alison and Georgiana access to their home whenever they liked to pick up the children or to play with them in the house.   
The children were not to be found on the ground floor and so Charlotte headed upstairs to search for them.   
One door on the corridor leading to Charlotte's old room was ajar and Charlotte felt the urge to peek in. She stopped and her heart did too.  
Could this be?!   
A tall masculine figure was standing in front of a mirror and was shaving. He was wearing only pants and Charlotte watched his muscles on his back and shoulders move while he shaved his face. A past memory made her blush. This time he seemed even more muscular than she remembered. And his skin was sun kissed. It suited him very well and she could hardly look away.   
Yet despite her fascination with Sidney she felt anger well up inside of her. Why did nobody tell her that he was back?! Why didn't he inform his family that he was well?   
Now he stood here shaving in peace like nothing had happened!   
Suddenly he caught her eyes in the mirror and turned around to face her. His eyes widened and his mouth opened like he was about to say something.   
It was like a waking call and she rushed away. Downstairs. Only to bump into Mary. 

"Oh Charlotte, what's wrong my dear? You look like you've seen a ghost. Come, have a cup of tea with me", Mary said with a knowing smile and dragged her towards the smaller drawing room.


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments! ❤❤❤

Rose didn't leave his side that day and Sidney enjoyed her company. Two days prior he had arrived. As soon as his feet had touched English ground he had hurried to Bedford Place. He had known that he needed to check his mail first before heading to where his heart truly draw him: Willingden.  
The mail had been satisfying for all the investment offers he got. Yet there had been one letter that had irritated him. The one Charlotte had left him - offering friendship! Friendship?! FRIENDSHIP?!  
Had she been out of her mind?, Sidney had wondered. To him it had been clear that Charlotte had either to become his wife or rather be a stranger. It was all or nothing! He couldn't bare to be her friend while desiring her to be so infinitely more. After he had rested that day for the journey had worn him out, he had answered all the letters. Yet he hadn't written to anyone of his dear ones because he had planned on visiting them after seeing Charlotte. 

"Did you miss Charlotte when you were away?", Rose asked him.

He chuckled and was still overwhelmed by her perceptive remarks. 

"Yes, I did. Very much so. But I missed many people. You, for example too". 

"But mamma said we can't marry. She wants you to marry Charlotte because you love her and then you will be my brother and always play with me", Rose continued while walking towards her favourite tree. A willow tree. 

Sidney was completely taken aback. 

"You talked about ...Charlotte and me?", he asked confused. 

"Yes. We prayed every morning and every evening that you'll come back safe. And that Charlotte will be happy again", she informed him. 

He put her on a solid branch and she was on eye level with him now. He felt a lump in his throat and had to clear it before he could speak again. 

"She ...she wasn't happy here?".

"Sometimes she was. And sometimes she cried a lot. And I heard her whisper your name when she was dreaming". 

"Rose, I promise you, I'll do all I can to make your sister happy", he proclaimed. 

Then he decided to lighten the mood for he tended to forget that Rose was still a child and shouldn't be burdened with his sorrows. 

"Well, I still have to keep another promise to you, young lady. I have something for you". 

Her eyes lit up: "What is it?". 

She got excited and stood up. She was standing on the branch now and was seeking stability by embracing the trunk with one arm. 

"Did you bring me the seashells?", she asked enthusiastically. 

Sidney only nodded and she laughed. 

"Please, show me!", she said while jumping up and down now. 

He pulled a pouch out of his coat and handed it to her. Then he lifted her up and seated himself on the branch to take Rose on his lap. She opened the pouch and gasped. 

"So beautiful! Thank you, Sidney", she said while taking each shell into her hand and examining it closely. 

"You are very welcome, Rose", he kissed her head. 

She started playing with the seashells and was humming a melody. It was like she had forgotten Sidney was with her. He enjoyed this moment of calmness and peace. For half an hour she was content to play and Sidney had time to think of his next moves.  
Mr. Heywood had invited him to stay the night. Tomorrow he would leave for Sanditon and visit Lady Susan first, hoping Charlotte will be home to finally claim her hand in marriage. He hoped their reunion to be sweet and that he could hold her in his arms again. Whisper into her ears how much he loved her and had missed her. Her soft smile and the tender look of her big brown eyes were imprinted in his mind. And he replayed them. 

"Oh Charlotte", he sighed in sweet agony. 

"I'm not Charlotte, I am Rose!", the tiny figure in his lap exclaimed indignantly. 

He chuckled and embraced her. 

"You are absolutely right. I was just dreaming of your sister and I had to say her name out loud. That is all", he explained blushing slightly. 

"We cannot stay here anyway. I'm hungry and we should head back".

"As you wish, my Lady", Sidney replied teasingly. 

He jumped from the branch and carried a chuckling Rose the way back.  
She told him about Charlotte's stories about Sandy and he was intrigued to hear more about it. 

"I hope all is well now with the orphanage?", Mrs. Heywood enquired during dinner. 

Sidney stopped his spoon midway to his mouth. 

"How do you know about the orphanage?".

He had never told anyone but Babington and Crowe. But they wouldn't have shared his secret with his other friends, would they?! 

"Alison told Charlotte in a letter. You are a good man, dear Sidney", Mrs. Heywood said tenderly. 

Sidney felt flushed. That was why he didn't like to tell anyone. Supporting the orphanage was the least he could do after watching their parents suffer and doing nothing about it. It wasn't noble or honourable that he took care of the children. It was his duty! 

He cleared his throat and replied: "Yes, the damages were repaired and we are happy that Michael is improving in his recovery". 

"I'm glad to hear it. Will you go and visit again this year?". 

"No, my next visit will be during spring-time. Georgiana and I have a wedding to attend to". 

"Please tell us about the journey", Peter pleaded and Sidney was happy to oblige. 

After the dinner Mr. Heywood asked Sidney to keep him company in his study. Each had a drink in his hand and no one spoke. Sidney wondered if Mr. Heywood was angry with him for disappearing with explicit no explanation to them. 

It took him a while until Sidney had the courage to begin a conversation: "Sir, I must ask if you despise me for my behaviour in the past months". 

"Well, after Charlotte came back from London with eyes lacking the typical sparkle, I told my wife that I would kill you. Yet she told me to make no assumptions and wait for Charlotte to tell us the truth. In the end she just said that both of you equally made mistakes and that she doesn't want us to think badly of you". 

Sidney was graced by that warm feeling inside again. She defended him and wanted him to be esteemed by her parents. There was still hope. 

"So, tell me, have your feelings changed while you were gone?".

"Yes, they have. They grew stronger. I am here to fight for us - given her feelings for me are still the same they were before I left", he confessed. 

"Very well then. From what my son has told me you two are indeed the happiest when together", Mr. Heywood nodded. 

"So, I would like to ask officially for your blessing, Sir. Tomorrow I'll head to Sanditon and all I can think about is proposing to Charlotte", Sidney's voice broke a little. 

The thought of having her stand in front of him and being at her mercy made him very nervous.  
He was completely in her power and she was the one to decide upon his happiness. 

"Sidney, you had my blessing all along. Just make her eyes sparkle again". 

"That is my intention, Sir!". 

"And I hope this time she'll accept".

"Well, before I left there had been an obstacle but now ...let's say I managed to have the obstacle removed", Sidney said vaguely. 

He didn't want to give away that Charlotte had worries about their finances. If Charlotte had kept all that happened to herself he wouldn't be the one to tell her parents.  
Mr. Heywood looked like he was curious to hear more about that obstacle but decided against it. 

"Good luck then, my son", he said winking. 

Sidney couldn't help but feel very happy to be called 'my son' by him. Hopefully he would be indeed be his son very soon! 

The next morning Sidney decided against the coach and rode by horse to Sanditon. Mrs. Heywood had given him a letter for Charlotte and had instructed him to give it to her as soon as possible. He would have loved to ride the whole route without any stop but his horse needed rest and food. He himself didn't care for food for he was too excited to even think of eating anything.  
Would she be happy to see him again? Would she come running into his arms? Would she accept him?  
Thoughts of Charlotte and her reaction to seeing him again dominated his mind. Truth be told he was not ready for a rejection. As he had decided before: all or nothing! While his horse was resting he opened her letter to him. 

'Dear Sidney,  
I never believed you to be a fortune hunter. I still believe it was very noble of you to put your sentiments aside and to let reason reign.  
I wish you every happiness and will always remain your friend.  
Yours Charlotte Heywood'

His fingers caressed the words 'Yours Charlotte Heywood'. Oh how much he wished her to be his and him hers. How much he yearned to finally call her his wife. He had to make it happen. Without her - no! There was no 'without her' for him. His heart had chosen her and now he had to wait for her to accept him.  
After an hour he resumed his journey. As soon as he could smell the salty air he made his horse go faster.  
When he finally arrived at the house where Lady Susan's apartment was he stopped.  
He didn't want to face Charlotte in the dishevelled state he was in, yet he couldn't let one more minute pass without asking her to marry him.  
He checked his pockets for the ring and the two letters he had written when on the ship. He knocked on the door and five minutes later he was sitting in Lady Susan's drawing room. 

"Oh Sidney!", she exclaimed when she stepped into the room and hurried to embrace him. 

"Lady Susan, I hope you are well". 

"My dear Sidney, now that you are here I am. We were worried you'd never come back. How long have you been back?". 

"It is my fourth day back in England. I know it is not very polite of me but you know me well and you know I'm not blessed with patience. Is Charlotte here?", he had no time for small talk, he needed to see her!

"I'm afraid she's not. She went to the Babingtons and afterwards she was supposed to meet Georgiana and Alison at the beach. Perhaps they will take your nieces and nephews with them", Lady Susan replied with an excusing smile. 

"Why would Charlotte visit the Babingtons? Is something wrong with Esther?", he asked alarmed. 

"Absolutely not. All three of them are well and happy".

"Three of them?!", he asked but then it dawned on him.  
Esther had delivered the child. "What a friend I am, the worst it would seem. So Babington is a father now?". 

"Indeed he is. And a very formidable one. Little Victor is lucky to have him", Lady Susan smiled broadly. 

"After I have secured Charlotte's hand in marriage I'll call on them", Sidney promised. 

Lady Susan's look changed and Sidney suspected that something was wrong. 

"What is it?", he asked while fearing her answer. 

"Actually it is not my secret to share - yet I believe that this information will be of great value to you. Charlotte told me why she refused to hear you out back in London. Why she doesn't trust you", she began and continued to tell him about Charlotte's nightmares and how retrospective they had often became reality. 

Sidney searched his mind and had to agree. Every sweet moment with her had been interrupted by someone else. Yet he couldn't believe that in her nightmares she believed him to leave her to find a wealthy widow to save Sanditon again. He was never to repeat that mistake again. And he would NEVER leave her at the altar! 

"That explains why she offered me her friendship in her letter. But Lady Susan, you must know that I could never be a friend to her if she rejected me", he explained. 

"Let's hope you two work it out then". 

He told her about his unexpected success in Antigua and Lady Susan was very happy for him. After half an hour he left and headed to Trafalgar House.  
The joy of having him back among them was great indeed and after telling Tom and Mary roughly what had happened in Antigua and that he made a fortune he needed to escape Tom's babbling. He asked for a room to refresh and Mary lead him to the first floor. 

"I am so relieved you are back. Charlotte will be too", she said with a soft expression before kissing his cheek and leaving him to himself. 

He had to change his waistcoat and his shirt for it was a rather hot day. He took them off and began to shave his face. Suddenly he felt his heartbeat accelerate. Usually only Charlotte's presence made him feel like he felt right now. He dared a look into the mirror and there she was. His beautiful Charlotte. Watching him with fascination and ...was that anger? Why on earth would she be angry with him? He turned around and wanted to ask her but the words wouldn't come out.  
And then she was gone. She ran away from him. Again. He clenched his jaw. Well, strangers it was then. At least until there was a proper opportunity to ask for more. 

Mary had explained that Sidney had just arrived an hour before in Sanditon and that she didn't have a chance to inform her beforehand. She apologised more than once and Charlotte accepted her apologies every time. Fifteen minutes later they were joined by Tom and Sidney. And Charlotte wondered why she didn't leave sooner. Perhaps it was because her heart still belonged to him despite her anger. It cost her a lot to not keep staring at his handsome face. 

"Isn't it splendid?! Sidney just returned today to us with the most wonderful news! Sanditon is saved. He made an investment in Antigua and is quite wealthy now. What a brother I have!", Tom exclaimed enthusiastically. 

Charlotte averted her eyes from his eyes to the floor and said with a shaking voice: "Congratulations, Tom. I'm very happy for you and Sanditon!". 

He did it. But how? Was he married to someone else by now? Did he do what she had shouted at him back in London?

"Thank you, Charlotte. Now we can go into planning other buildings and even that pagoda I showed you once. Splendid!".

Tom rubbed his hands in excitement and grinned widely. 

"Tom, you do realise that it is Sidney's money you're talking about. You are not allowed to plan anything without having the means to accomplish it", Mary said carefully.

"Oh my dear, Sidney's money or mine, it is all the same. He won't need it anyway. There are no Mrs. Sidney Parker or children to claim his fortune. Although I heard just now from Lady Dinklesbridge that Lady Bartholomew took quite an interest in him. Anyway, Sidney is not the type of man to settle down, marry and have children. So we can use all the money to establish our family project: Sanditon!". 

At the mention of Lady Bartholomew Charlotte looked up and into Sidney's face. He had his eyes on her all the time and was blushing slightly now. So there was someone indeed! Charlotte felt her heart ache again. 

"Word travels fast, indeed. Yet Tom, I would ask you to refrain from talking about my personal life to strangers", he said with a firm voice. 

"Strangers? No stranger is to be seen here. Surely you cannot mean Charlotte! She is family", Tom replied laughing.

"No she is not. She refused the chance of being a member of this family some time ago", Sidney said in a serious tone.

Tom only laughed again as a response. He seemed to not understand what Sidney was actually meaning to say. Charlotte formed fists with her hands and didn't flinch from Sidney's firm gaze. Why was he treating her like that now? There was no need to be rude, when it was him who was breaking her heart again. His behaviour only fueled her anger further.

"You never asked me to be!", she replied with a low voice.

"You never let me! You accused me of being a fortune hunter and send me away!", he shouted.

"Oh you blame ME now?! That is really something! Excuse me, Mary, I need some fresh air and will leave now!", she yelled the first part but her voice turned softer when she spoke to Mary.

She turned around and stormed out of the living room. Sidney stood up and shouted behind her: "Go on, walk away! Like you did in London!".

"You've been the one who walked away in London!", Charlotte screamed back before smashimg the front door behind her. 

Before the door closed she heard him say: "Wait, wait, wait! This time you won't escape me!". 

She ran faster towards the sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry.  
> Yet I do have a soft spot for passionate fights. Sorry 🙈


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Almost 1000 kudos 😭 never dreamed of this. A thousand times thank you ❤❤❤
> 
> And merry Christmas 🎄

Mary and Tom were left befuddled. 

"Mary? Do you have any idea what happened right now?", Tom asked his wife. 

"Oh Tom! Are you really that blind?! Your brother is in love with Charlotte and is trying to win her back!", she replied impatiently. 

"What?! Charlotte and Sidney?! When did this happen? It is impossible!", he was sure this was a jest. 

"It obviously is not! Tom, please stop talking. I cannot listen to you any further. How dare you claim your brother's fortune?!", his wife was clearly vexed. 

Tom hadn't seen her in such a state since the cricket game last year. He thought about the possibility of Sidney and Charlotte being lovers. 

"If it is true indeed, I'm sure Charlotte wouldn't mind to use the money for Sanditon's future success", he chuckled for he knew Charlotte to care a lot for Sanditon. 

Mary seemed to grow angrier the more he talked: "You did not really say that, did you? Tom Parker, I'm ashamed of you! How dare you exploit Charlotte and Sidney again?! Did they not suffer enough on your behalf?!".

"On my behalf? How so? I didn't do anything to -".

"Exactly, Tom! It would have been your duty to save Sanditon! But instead you let your younger brother do the dirty work! He was already in love with Charlotte last year. But he had to engage himself to Eliza in order to find the money for your recklessness! Please leave me alone now!".

She left the room and Tom was stunned.   
Could it be? Was that the reason for Sidney's miserable state at the end of last year when he was paler and thinner?  
Could it really be?! Was that the reason why Sidney wasn't eager to marry Eliza and why he was angry with him when he had convinced Eliza to prepone the wedding?   
Why did he never tell him? And how did Mary know? Many more questions were running through his mind while he poured himself a drink in his study. 

Sidney was catching up with Charlotte who was heading towards the beach. 

"Please wait! Charlotte! Stop please!", he shouted behind her. 

She turned around and glared at him. 

"Don't call me Charlotte! Leave me be!", she shouted back, running away from him now. 

He was only a step behind her when he grabbed her hand and made her stop. Both were breathing heavily and stared at each other in anger. 

"Don't touch me!", she tried to free her hand. 

"If I release you, you'll run away again and I'm not letting you slip away this time!", he spoke breathlessly.

"Fine! What is it? Why did you follow me at all?", she was frowning.

"I never met anyone as stubborn as you! I followed you because I love you!".

Charlotte swallowed hard and stopped trying to free herself from him.

"You shouldn't speak like that!".

"Why not?", Sidney asked with a frown.

"Because of Lady Bartholomew", she answered and Sidney sensed that she held back tears. 

She was jealous and she believed him to be engaged to someone else again. What a mess!

"I fear you misunderstood the situation. I still wonder how news could travel that fast. Look, I made a fortune in Antigua, though unexpected yet I accepted it. On my way back she tried to ...to tempt me into marrying her for she has a title but also many debts. That is all. I'm unmarried. By now you should know that there is only one woman I wish to marry". 

Charlotte looked up at him in disbelief. 

"Charlotte, I do not expect you to trust me again. Yet I wish for nothing more. I just want you to know that I am not the man from your nightmares. I would NEVER leave you once you have accepted me. Nothing, absolutely nothing would make me leave your side. I have endured almost a year without you and I can say with certainty that I couldn't face any catastrophe without you. You make me stronger, better and the most efficient", he stopped to take a breath for he spoke hastily. 

"How do you know about the nightmares?", she asked clearly embarrassed. 

"Lady Susan told me. And I'm glad she did. I do understand you much better now. If it was me who would have been left I suppose I'd have the same nightmares. Instead I was haunted by nightmares of losing you". 

Charlotte still seemed to feel uncomfortable. 

"And why would you call me a stranger if you truly love me?", she asked after a while and glared at him. 

"Because I cannot be your friend. I want to be your husband or rather a stranger to you. I couldn't pretend to be since I would always desire to me more to you than just a friend", and as if he was emphasising his words, his eyes were drawn to her full lips. 

She followed his gaze and blushed which suited her very well. 

"And why didn't you inform anyone that you are safe and well? Do you know what you did to Diana's nerves? She was worried sick and she refused to plan her wedding for she was too concerned about you!", Charlotte made him feel guilty. 

"I didn't see any use in it. I stayed a week in Antigua and my letter would only have arrived a week before myself", he tried to explain his motive. 

"But Tom said you use to write one from your stop in Madeira", she insisted

"That is right. But this time I was injured and unconscious. And afterwards I helped with the repairs of our ship".

Her expression changed and she looked worried. 

"You were injured?!", she whispered with trembling lips. 

"Yes, my love. But nothing too serious. I'm well now. And by the way, I met Mr. Molyneux in Madeira. He has joined the navy and is based there for now. It suits him well", he replied softly. 

"I am relieved you are well", she said and looked shyly away. 

"Charlotte? Why did you never tell me about your nightmares? I believe it would have spared us a lot of grief". 

"I assumed you would consider me silly", she murmured still avoiding his eyes. 

"Ah, never short of assumptions, Miss Heywood", he said teasingly and chuckled. "You, my love, are many things but not silly. So, I suppose you'll need some time until you'll let me propose for that is still all I want to do. You shall have as much time as possible. I would wait a lifetime for you if I could get at least one day with you as husband and wife", he pulled out the letters he had with him and handed them to her. "Here, these are for you. The first one was written when I believed our ship would sink and we were about to die. The second one was on my way back four weeks ago. And the last one is from your mother". 

She looked up surprised: "My mother? How is it in your possession?". 

"I was in Willingden first. All I could think about was to make things right between us and propose. I spend a day and night there before I arrived today here in Sanditon". 

Her eyes were glistening now and she gulped. 

"I will leave you to your letters and if I may I would like to call on you tomorrow. If you'd rather not, send me a note and I'll stay away". 

He took her hand in his and kissed it tenderly. One last longing glance and then he turned away because he knew that if he kept staring into her beautiful face he would go down on his knees before her and beg her to marry him. But courting Charlotte was a delicate matter and he wanted her to set the pace. 

He had walked three yards when he heard her call him back: "Sidney!". 

His Christian name from her lips made his heart leap. 

"Since you know about the nightmares there is one more thing you should know: I hate to be your second choice and it always felt like it in the nightmares", she confessed.

"Charlotte you never were my second choice! You were always the first! I know that by engaging myself to Eliza it must have looked like it. But I have told you once that I never wanted to put myself in someone else's power before and I've never wanted to care for anyone but myself. Unless it is your power and I may care for you. This is is the truth. Despite my former engagement to Eliza a decade ago I never felt like this before. Read my letters and perhaps they can convince you of my love". 

He dared to take a step forward, put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead most affectionate.

"I'll see you tomorrow, my love", he whispered hoarsely.

Then he hurried to get back into town. As much as his mind was occupied with Charlotte he needed to see Babington and Esther. 

Mary was still fuming. What kind of man had he become? She used to be proud of her husband. Her gentle, kind and ambitious husband. And now?  
All he did was embarrassing and disgraceful. She felt so ashamed for him. After Sidney's ordeal she couldn't bear to hear him talk like all was well and like it was a matter of course to use Sidney's new fortune.   
And though she didn't want to discuss Sidney's and Charlotte's relationship she needed to tell him. Otherwise he would have set up Sidney with some influential widow again!   
She sighed and wondered why a heart was so complex because despite everything she still loved that idiot. Yet she needed to do something about his unacceptable behaviour. There had to be a way to open up his eyes. But how? Perhaps another conversation would do the trick? She doubted it yet it was the best she could do for now. 

Instead of continuing her walk to the beach Charlotte made a detour and walked the clifftop. He was back and he still loved her. He knew about her nightmares and still respected her. He even understood why she had them. He gave her time and she was grateful he did. There was a lot to take in.   
One thing she was sure about was that while her heart was still a little mistrusting the rest of her body was drawn to that handsome man. Every touch of him had sent warm waves through her body. And his voice. Each time she was surprised how much she loved him. All of him.   
The sun was beginning to set when Charlotte realised that she had been away for far too long. She returned just in time for dinner to the apartment. 

"My dear Charlotte, I started to believe that you had eloped with Sidney!", Lady Susan greeted her. 

Charlotte blushed: "Time ran away with me. Forgive me Georgiana and Alison for not meeting you as promised". 

Alison embraced her: "I am just relieved you are well!".

"Now go and freshen up. Dinner will be served any minute", Lady Susan instructed smiling. 

Charlotte did as asked and placed the letters under her cushions. Now was not the time to read them.   
During dinner Georgiana and Alison confessed that they had known about Sidney meeting Otis and that he had suffered an injury. They had kept it from her in order to not alarm her. She accepted their apology and made them promise that they won't keep such important information a secret. After dinner they played a round of charade and then everyone retreated to her own room.   
Charlotte changed into her nightgown and nestled down into her bed. She reached for the letters and opened the one from her mother first. 

'My dearest Charlotte,   
you know that usually I wouldn't meddle yet this time I feel it is my duty to speak the truth.   
So, don't you dare come back home after doing the same mistake twice! I will not have you here being miserable again. My dear girl, I think it is safe to say that you won't find anyone better than him. I do not know what happened between the two of you but the few hours I spent with him made me feel his love for you in every sentence he spoke and in every look. Please, hear him out and come back engaged. Your father and I already gave our blessing.   
And as a matter of fact Rose did too.   
I love you.  
Your mother'

Charlotte chuckled through tears. It was indeed unusual for her mother to give such instructions. Yet she was right. Charlotte had been miserable while she had been in Willingden. Her parent's blessing made her incredibly happy. She wiped her tears away and opened Sidney's first letter. 

'My dearest Charlotte,

words cannot express the regret I'm feeling for leaving you behind crying on the street. Please forgive me. I haven't been my best self and I truly apologise for my behaviour.  
I have never sought love after my first bruising experience.  
So when I came to Sanditon I never expected to find it. It hit me completely unprepared. But after tasting what true unconditional love meant for the first time ever I wasn't willing to let it ever go.  
My greatest fear has been and always will be losing your love for I never beheld something as precious as this.  
Forgive me for breaking your heart by my business deal with Eliza for it was never more than that to me.  
I understand your reaction better than you would know for I did the same a decade ago. Protecting your heart for you know it couldn't mend after another heartbreak.  
Charlotte, this might be the last words I'm writing for the sea is very stormy and we all fear it might damage the ship.  
I even don't know if this letter will ever reach you yet I had at least to try it.  
My love, take care and find happiness. I love you forever.  
Yours Sidney Parker'

Charlotte felt a chill while reading the last part. He had indeed been in danger. Thankfully he had made it back home. Back to her. Now she read his second letter. 

'My dearest Charlotte,

somehow fate was generous and I will come back to you as a wealthy gentleman. Do not fear, the money is not the product of slavery - it's quite the contrary.  
Just the thought of being reunited with you makes me incredibly happy and will help me through the next 28 days of my journey.  
A fraction of me is afraid that you might still refuse me. I know you could do by far better. Plenty a men are better than me. But I know deep in my heart there is no one who can be as devoted and as enslaved to you as I am. I would do anything - ANYTHING - for you if you'd let me. No man can love a woman more than I do love you. You are the air I need to breathe, you are what is keeping me alive, you are my hope, my dreams, my everything!  
Please Charlotte, if I shall ever give you this letter promise me to consider marrying me because I cannot live without you!  
Forever yours Sidney P.'

Charlotte read his letters over and over again while shedding tears. Her heart was filled with love for Sidney. His words were perfection and despite her fear of being hurt again she felt incredibly empowered by his words. Tomorrow she would see him again.   
"Hold on, why wait?!", she said to herself. Hadn't they waited enough? What if something happened again? Life was too short to miss opportunities!  
She hurried to her closet and pulled out a coat. She had no time to dress completely and this would surely do.   
Afterwards she knocked on Lady Susan's door. 

"I'm sorry to disturb you so late, Lady Susan. But I need to leave immediately!", she said after being asked to come in. 

"But where to, my dear? What happened?", Lady Susan asked concerned. 

"I cannot stay. I have to leave now!", Charlotte said determined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot make any promises because I'll be working night shifts from today until 27th, but I'll try my best to upload the most awaited chapter during holidays as a Christmas gift ❤
> 
> Also, the other storylines will continue soon. But for now it's Sidlotte time 🥰


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was naive enough to believe I would manage to upload a chapter during my night shifts 🤦🏾♀️ so sorry for the delay.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one. 
> 
> Thank you for your support ❤❤❤

"I cannot stay. I have to leave now! I need to find him. Please, Lady Susan, allow me to go", Charlotte said through tears now. 

Lady Susan smiled tenderly and replied: "Of course you may go. But I will accompany you, since it is quite late now". 

Lady Susan left her bed to get clothed and Charlotte left her room to grant her some privacy. She kept pacing up the corridor and wondered what to tell Sidney exactly. She could never exceed his perfect words. Yet she needed to tell him how much she loved him and that she of course would like to be his wife. She still felt her heart ache whenever she thought about her nightmares or about all the things that had kept them apart. But without Sidney she was incomplete. They were the best when together. 

"Let's go", Lady Susan whispered while she closed the door to her room. 

They left the apartment and suddenly Charlotte felt ashamed for acting so impulsively. 

"What am I doing, Lady Susan? I suppose he's staying at Trafalgar House but I cannot go there now. It is so late!". 

"My dear girl, I haven't dressed in vain. We will find Sidney now and you can say whatever it was you wanted to tell him", Lady Susan was stern. "We will head to Trafalgar House and since the hotel is nearby we can stop there first and see if he is there". 

Charlotte nodded and both ladies walked in silence. 

He had just entered Sanditon House when someone slapped him. 

"I suppose I deserve that", he murmured while turning to face his attacker. 

"How DARE you?! How dare you leave YOUR best friend alone when he needed you the most? And how dare you leave MY best friend at all when she loves you so much? But most of all, how dare you miss my son's birth?!", Esther yelled while she poked her finger into his chest. 

"I came as soon as possible. Believe me, I never intended to miss it", he defended himself.

"And yet you did! You are lucky that Crowe did a good job. Otherwise I would have killed you both. You for missing and him for messing up", she glared at him. 

"I'm relieved that Crowe handled the situation well enough", Sidney replied smiling. 

"I should punish you and not let you see my son but since his father is absolutely besotted with him I'm sure he will show you Victor nonetheless", she said rolling her eyes. 

"Victor. It is a very nice name", Sidney noticed softly and Esther smiled sheepishly. 

"Come in, you nincompoop", she said in a friendlier tone and took his arm. 

"Victor is sleeping in his nursery and Babington is outdoors with Crowe. But you shall sit with aunt and me until they are back. I suppose that will do as punishment", she explained smirking. 

Sidney contained a desperate sigh for he was not in the mood to see Lady Denham, yet he had no choice. 

"Ah Mr. Parker. You decided to finally come back. Thank God, you didn't stay longer in Antigua otherwise you would have looked entirely like a negro!", Lady Denham greeted him when he entered the drawing room. "And what of that gossip I heard? Is there indeed a Lady Bartholomew to become Mrs. Sidney Parker?", she continued.

"I can assure you she will not. We were both passengers on the ship back to England and that is all", Sidney tried to stay calm. 

"And what are your plans for your fortune?", she asked after a short while.

"Really aunt, I do not believe it is any of our business", Esther intervened annoyed. 

"It sure is! If he plans to become the main investor I can retire from it. I shall have no more money of mine thrown away carelessly", she explained. 

"Lady Denham, I haven't decided on that yet. It depends on... on ...how I will be received". 

"So you are still hoping for Miss Heywood to have you? She would be a fool not to. You are wealthy now and you do love her. Well, however, I wish to be informed as soon as you've made a decision", Lady Denham snorted the first two sentences. 

From there on they drank tea in silence until Lady Denham decided to retrieve to her rooms to rest a little before dinner was served.   
When she left the room Esther let out a relieved sigh. 

"That challenging?", Sidney asked with an eyebrow raised. 

"You have no idea! She has an opinion on everything. EVERYTHING. How to dress my son, how to feed him, how to talk to him, how to hold him. As if she could know better than me since she has no children of her own!", Esther complained vexed. 

Sidney pitied her and was about to say something comforting when the doors were opened and Babington entered.

"Sidney!", he exclaimed and hurried to hug his friend. 

"This is far a warmer welcome than I deserve", Sidney said chuckling after Babington let go of him. 

"I'm glad you are well. I had heard of heavy storms and was worried". 

"There were indeed. But let us not speak of my journey. I hear congratulations are in order. I am very happy for you, dear friend!", Sidney replied and smiled. 

"Thank you! I cannot wait to make you two acquainted with each other. He's the sweetest boy and-", Babington was interrupted by his wife.

"Babington! Stop swooning. As soon as he's awake the nursemaid will bring him to us. Wait, where did you leave Crowe?". 

"I fear he enjoyed too much drinks and had to go and rest. I'm sure he'll miss dinner", Babington explained. 

"Good. My aunt quite dislikes him whenever he is drunk. And as he always is she simply detests him. She won't miss him at our table. You should take his place, Sidney. And I will not accept no for an answer", Esther spoke. 

"If that is the case I must send word to Trafalgar House. Mary is waiting for me to join their dinner. But to be honest I cannot face my brother so soon again".

"Oh no. What did he do this time?", Babington asked curious to hear of Tom's newest fatuity.

Sidney leaned back in his chair and began to report of his late business in Antigua and of the last encounter with his brother. 

"If you indeed are thinking about taking my aunt's place as main investor you'll have to deal with him everyday", Esther objected. 

"How about sharing the position of main investor? Each of you paying in equal amounts". 

"That might work. If her ladyship agrees, that is", Sidney said after a while for he had to think about it. 

He had just finished his sentence when the nursemaid came in with a baby in her arms. Sidney still wondered how Babington managed to stand up so quickly and be next to her within a second.   
He looked surprised at Esther. 

"I told you he is besotted with him", she said shrugging.

Sidney simply smiled and enjoyed watching his friend's happy expression on his face.   
Soon Victor was placed in his arms. The warm little bundle of joy made him smile broader than before. He tried to make out whom of his parents he resembled most but he could not decide. The fine fluff on his head was red and the nose definitely his mother's. But when he smiled the cheeks and lips were like Babington's. Well, it would remain to be seen like whom he will look the most when he grew up. 

"He's perfection, is he not?!", Babington asked in the most affectionate tone. 

Sidney who found his finger trapped in Victor's little hand didn't trust his voice in this moment and simply nodded in agreement. 

"Don't fall too much in love with him for he will not be your godson. Though I suppose once you marry Charlotte you might as well see much of him like a godfather would", Esther clarified.   
"As Charlotte and Crowe were the ones attending his birth we decided to ask them to take the role. And since Babington is eager to have a whole troop of children I'm sure you'll have your chance to be godfather to one of them". 

Sidney realised that Esther spoke as if it was only Babington who wished to have more children yet she didn't object. He was glad to see his friends so happy. 

"Is there already a date for the christening?", he asked interested. 

"Three weeks from now. And we have a special guest join us for the ceremony. The Prince Regent himself. He sent gifts and offered to attend the christening. I doubt that he will indeed come. Otherwise we would have to make him a godfather too and I would hate that idea. Crowe is worse enough I do not need another rake to guide my son", Esther replied displeased. 

"My dear, I am not dead, am I?! I will guide our son to be the best and kindest of all men", Babington proclaimed. 

Soon after dinner was served and Lady Denham was presented with the idea of sharing the position as main investor. She had no objections and planned loudly how to improve her asses lives now that she could concentrate on something else. Esther was quite supportive and encouraged her aunt to make it her main project and even provided her with some ideas. Sidney contained his smile for he knew Esther did all of it to have her aunt occupied and leave her be.   
After dinner Sidney headed to the hotel. It was a lovely night and he enjoyed the walk back into town. When he passed the spot where Charlotte and he had shared their first kiss he had to stop. He hoped that she had read his letters and that she would allow him to call on her the next day. All he wanted was to be sure of her hand in marriage. Their going back and forth was exhausting. In six weeks it would be a year since their kiss. A year of insecurity, agony, pain, longing and yearning.   
As the sea was calm and very inviting Sidney decided to head to his cove and to dip into the water for a while.   
The night sky was lit by the full moon and thousands of stars. All visible since it was a cloudless night. He inhaled and then exhaled the salty air. Standing outside the hotel now, still he knew that he had to go in soon to try and catch some sleep before calling on Charlotte in the morning. His hair was still damp from his swim and he shivered slightly when a soft wind blew. Suddenly the hair on his arms erected. The salty air was joined by the sweet scent of cherry blossoms. He felt her presence without turning around.   
Was she truly here now? Could it be? Or was he desperate enough to hallucinate her presence. He took a deep breath and turned around.   
Indeed! She stood two yards away from him. And Lady Susan was with her. 

"Good evening, Mr. Parker. Though I should say good night for it is indeed. Charlotte and I couldn't sleep and decided to take a walk. What a happy coincidence to meet you here now. Well, I am eager to see if the tailor has some new fabrics in his shop window. I'll be right back", Lady Susan said smirking and walked slowly towards the tailor's shop ten yards away. 

Sidney took a closer look and smiled softly at Charlotte. She was wearing a night dress under her coat and her hair was tousled like she had been in haste. It didn't diminish her beauty. 

"Are you alright, Charlotte?", he dared to ask but not to step closer to her. 

She had been staring at him and after he addressed her directly she shook her head slightly and stepped closer to him. Though still keeping a proper distance between them. 

"I'm very well, thank you. How about you?". 

"To be honest I'm better than I would have expected. I spend my afternoon with the Babingtons and fell in love with Victor. And now ...you are here", he confessed.

"Yes, I am. I read your letters. Sidney, they were beautiful", she told him with a breaking voice. 

"I am relieved you liked them", was all he managed to say. 

"I need to ask you: do you mean every word you wrote?", he sensed her insecurities. 

How could she still doubt his feelings?! But then he had once kissed her on a clifftop, promised a conversation and came back engaged to his ex fiancée. Of course it would take time to trust him again completely. 

"Yes, my love. I mean all of it". 

"Then I have another question for you. Would you still have left for Antigua if I had heard you out back in London?", she asked him. 

He sighed and answered: "I'm well aware you might not like the answer, but yes. Charlotte, I couldn't let those children-". 

She made him stop speaking by stepping closer and putting one hand on his chest. She looked into his eyes and all he detected was warmth and -could it truly be?- love. Then she pressed her lips gently on his.   
His heart was bursting with love, contentment, relief and happiness. Before he could deepen the kiss she backed up slightly and looked up to him.   
Her eyes now filled with tears. 

"I love you, Sidney Parker", she whispered.

He felt his heart melt and a few teardrops escaped his eyes.


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I need to apologise. I'm not sure I'm meeting your expectations and I feel like I didn't do Charlotte and Sidney justice. Perhaps it is not romantic enough 😔 I'm sorry.
> 
> The truth is I'm not feeling well for there are a few new problems in my life I have to solve and although writing always worked as therapy- this time I feel like I failed our beloved characters. 
> 
> Oh and also watching 'Bridgerton' made me incredibly sad for now I want a second series/season of Sanditon even more than before 😭

He kissed her now and Charlotte felt her knees go weak. Oh how divine it felt to be kissed by him. Her hand moved up to his neck to pull him even closer.  
A sound behind them made them stop and realising how scandalous it was to be caught kissing on the street.   
No one was to be seen. And Lady Susan was still yards away. Perhaps it was a bird?  
Sidney placed his forehead on hers and chuckled. 

"Your hair is damp", she noticed.

"Yes, I couldn't resist the sea. And now I fear we have to part until tomorrow, my love". 

Charlotte felt her heart drop. Was he not to ask her now?! 

"Sidney, I... I came to allow you what you asked of me in your letters", she explained shyly. 

He kissed her hand now. 

"Thank you. You have no idea how happy you made me tonight. Tomorrow I shall propose properly and-".

"No!", she whispered. 

"Excuse me?", Sidney asked alarmed and confused at the same time. 

"Time was never in our favour. I must ask you to propose now. Unless you have changed your mind", doubts were taking over again as much as Charlotte tried to keep them in check. 

"What? Never! I love you, Charlotte Heywood. Why would I change my mind minutes after you told me you love me. You are right. Time was never good to us. I had planned a proper proposal and-".

"Sidney, you may propose a second time in the morning with everything you had planned if you like. So it will not be in vain. But I want to go to bed tonight as your fiancée", she said through tears now. 

It pained him to see her like this and it was written all over his face. He placed her hands on his chest and Charlotte felt his heart racing under her fingers. 

"Charlotte Heywood, I am all yours. I suppose I have been since I asked Mary if you were the new maid. You make me complete and better. I have tasted life without you and it is bitter and grey and dull. You make the sun and stars shine brighter. You make every day worth living for me. You are the only one who has ever possessed my heart. My love, will you do me the honour of sharing every minute of your life with me? Will you do me the honour of letting me be the father of your children? Will you do me the honour of letting me love you with my heart, body and soul? Will you do me the honour of criticising me and making me strive to be the best man possible? Will you do me the honour of letting me be your husband? Will you marry me, Charlotte?". 

The tears wouldn't stop and she whispered: "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and thousands of times yes". 

Between each 'yes' he received a peck on the mouth.   
And after the last one their lips didn't part and their tears mingled on them. Sidney hold her close and started spinning her around with him. Too soon they broke the kiss to catch their breath. 

"Let me be the first one to congratulate you on your engagement", Lady Susan said who was suddenly behind them. 

She had glistening eyes herself. 

"Thank you for everything, Lady Susan", Charlotte exclaimed and turned to her to hug her tightly. 

"My dear girl, it was my pleasure. And as much as I hate to be a sport spoil, I believe we should leave. Tomorrow we can make your engagement publicly known". 

Charlotte agreed with her and with one last longing look towards Sidney they walked away.   
Back in her room Charlotte shed a few more happy tears and then fell asleep. 

Sidney hadn't slept as peaceful as he did that night in a long time. He fell asleep with a smile on his face knowing that Charlotte was to become his wife.   
The next morning rose upon him and he felt like floating. He dressed and then paced his room. Suddenly nervous again he suddenly stopped in his tracks.  
What if she had changed her mind during the night? What if another nightmare haunted her and she would refuse him today?   
He felt like choking now and did not know how to handle the situation if Charlotte was indeed to send him away.   
As soon as it was proper he would call on her and have clarity. The following hour was almost unbearable for Sidney. He kept pacing his room and felt like losing his mind. Imagining one scenario worst than the one before.   
He needed to calm down. Charlotte was the one who came to him yesterday. She was the one declaring her love. She was the one who insisted on a proposal as soon as possible. Why would she change her mind now? Well, because of her nightmares of course!   
"Damn it!", he shouted desperately.   
When it was finally time to leave he did so eagerly.   
In front of Lady Susan's apartment he had to compose himself for his heart was beating as fast as a racing horse. 

"Dear Sidney, you look quite pale. Is everything alright?", Lady Susan noticed worried when he was sent to go through to the drawing room.

"Please tell me she did not change her mind", he begged to know. 

"I do not know anything about her doing so. And why should she?".

"Because I have been trying for almost a year now to make her my wife and everytime something would come between us", he confessed defeated. 

"This time all will be well. I shall call for her and leave the room for some privacy. But pray, don't tell her parents", Lady Susan winked and left the room. 

The white roses in his hands felt wet for he had sweaty hands now.  
And then she stood in front of him. Wearing the same dress the day Georgiana had met Molyneux in Sanditon. The shiny cream one with the dark green spencer. Even her hair was done the same as that day -though slightly longer. The day they had fought and shouted at each other. The day he had realised that her opinion of him meant more to him than he liked to admit to anyone.

"Charlotte. You look beautiful, as you did that day a year ago", he said stuttering. 

"You remembered. I wanted to make new memories in this dress. Lovely ones", she explained blushing. 

"Of course I remember. I was torn between my anger and my attraction to you for you looked so beautiful. You still do". 

Charlotte smiled tenderly and his heart skipped several beats. How did he come to deserve this goddess of a woman?!  
He followed her gaze and found it on the roses. 

"Yes, excuse me. These are for you. They are as pure and innocent and perfect as you are", he said with a hoarse voice and handed her the bouquet. 

"They do also symbolise eternal love and loyalty", Charlotte added lowering her gaze.

"Indeed they do. And I am convinced our love will be. Eternal that is. My love, I came to officially ask for your hand in marriage. Will you be my wife, my dearest Charlotte?", his voice was thick with emotion, while he was down on one knee now. 

A single tear rolled down her beautiful cheek. 

"Yes, Sidney Parker. I will marry you and will most happily become your wife", she whispered close to his lips for she had leaned down to him. 

He let her kiss him and returned her kiss passionately. His head was spinning and he felt dizzy. No woman had ever made him feel like this. And this was only a kiss. What would become of him when they -stop! He sensed Charlotte's legs give away and he ended the kiss as softly as he could to not offend her. Both looked at each other, flushed, trying to catch their breaths. 

"I love you so much", Sidney gasped while stroking her cheek and still holding her waist with his other hand.

"I assume I love you even more", Charlotte replied teasingly. 

"You seem to find it impossible to distinguish between the truth and your own opinion for I am certain my love for you is endless and how could you exceed that?", he spoke affectionate and kissed the tip of her cute nose. 

"Well, then let's say we love each other in equal measure?!", she suggested and let her fingers softly travel down from his cheekbones to his chin. 

How could someone be so innocent and yet seductive? Without giving it any more thought he leaned down and claimed her lips again.   
Until the door flew open and both jumped apart blushing deeply. 

"Tongue? Or pork pie?", Georgiana asked cheekily. "Oh how long I have waited to avenge myself. Finally!", she laughed triumphantly. 

Charlotte blushed even more and Sidney did not understand what Georgiana was talking about. 

Upon asking her she replied: "Never mind! Charlotte knows what I'm talking about. So, congratulations are in order I suppose?! I am very happy you did it at last. Though I hope you won't screw it up, Sidney. Because if you shall I will never forgive you. Hurt her once more and I will have you killed". 

"I'm glad to hear that Charlotte will always be taken care of even if I should be failing at that task. Though I can assure it is far from my mind. I will do all in my power to make her happy", he proclaimed. 

Georgiana embraced Charlotte. Then Alison came rushing inside. 

"Is it true? Are you finally engaged, beloved sister?", she asked with tears in her eyes. 

Charlotte nodded and she was hugged tightly by her sister. It brought tears to Sidney's eyes to see how happy they were for them. 

"And when will the wedding be? Anthony and Daniela chose to marry next year. But I believe you won't want to wait any longer, will you?", Alison asked. 

"I had to promise your father that we won't rush. No special licence or such thing. Come Sunday we will have the banns read at Willingden church for the first time and-".

"You wish to marry in Willingden?", Charlotte interrupted him. 

"It is what your family wishes and I'm happy to oblige. That is if you are happy with their choice?", Sidney was sceptical now.

He had believed it wise to discuss the wedding with her parents yet now it seemed a bad idea to have excluded Charlotte. 

"No, I am just surprised. I'd love to be wed in Willingden", she smiled. 

"Perfect! The wedding will be by the end of next month then!", Lady Susan exclaimed as she entered the room and sent Charlotte and him a warm smile. 

The rest of the morning was spent in cheer and joy. Georgiana made Sidney give a detailed report of Antigua and the others liked listening to it too.   
He had hoped that there would be more private moments with Charlotte but after seeing that Charlotte was seated between Alison and Georgiana he knew that the sweet morning kisses were all he would get today.   
On reflection he decided to be less selfish for he would have Charlotte with him for a lifetime while Alison and Georgiana would surely be frequent guests but it wouldn't be the same as having her permanently around. His stomach fluttered at the thought of spending all his days with Charlotte. He had never felt so much anticipation for anything before.   
Sidney was invited to have lunch with them and he accepted. This time he was seated opposite to Charlotte and everytime they locked eyes she would blush and he would feel that flutter again.   
It was not his wish to ever leave but he had to. He had to discuss business with Tom and the investors that were currently in Sanditon. He needed to settle all financial matters before his wedding. And he had yet to inform his family about his engagement. 

"Charlotte? Will you escort me to the door?", he asked after he had announced that he needed to leave now.

"You know too well where the door is, Sidney. You are just hoping you can steal another kiss before you leave", Georgiana stated and rolled her eyes. 

"Actually it is not a kiss but a gift I wish to show Charlotte", he replied slightly annoyed. 

"Just go, you two", Lady Susan dismissed them smiling. 

Sidney took Charlotte's hand and led her out of the drawing room. 

"I do not need a gift, Sidney. All I wanted was to be reunited with you!". 

"Well, this gift is something you have to accept", he said and pulled out the small box. He opened it and presented Charlotte the ring he had bought in Antigua. It was a ring with a round sapphire in the middle and one small white pearl on each side of it. Charlotte gasped and looked at him in awe. 

"Sidney...", she whispered. 

"Do you like it? Because if you do, I'd want it to be your wedding ring", he explained. 

"Like it?! I love it! But it is far too exquisite. And it must have cost you a fortune", she answered frowning. 

"Never mind that. My love, you deserve the brightest diamonds and rubies this world has to offer and even more", he said softly and gently touched her lips with his. 

It had been early afternoon when Daniela had stormed into his room and had informed him of Charlotte's engagement and her wish to visit her future sister-in-law immediately. 

"Something is bothering you, dearest Susan", Andrew noted while the young women were occupied with their own conversation.

"Me? No, I'm perfectly happy", she said and Andrew felt her tension immensely. 

He leaned closer to her. 

"I know you still don't believe me but since I am in love with you I have perfected my capability of reading your emotions. I thought you'd be happy to see Sidney and Charlotte finally engaged. Still something is occupying your mind", he stated in a low voice. 

She sighed and turned to face him. 

"Fine. If you must know. It's Alison and James. He still didn't propose and it's been weeks since he had been in Willingden to ask for her parent's blessing. I was convinced that Alison would be the first of the three to be engaged. Especially after Sidney left. And now Tony and Charlotte are betrothed and she is not! I can see the sadness in her eyes though she's genuinely happy for her siblings". 

"Alison told me he has a lot of work to do back in London. I know him to be very ambitious", Andrew replied frowning. 

"He is indeed! Yet why can he not spare at least two days and come here?", she asked frustrated. 

Suddenly he had an idea and smiled. 

"What is it?", Susan asked hopefully. 

"Well, there is a certain wedding in four weeks. I suppose Charlotte still hasn't a wedding dress and what other things a bride-to-be might need. Perhaps a short trip to London would be most convenient", he proposed smirking. 

"You are a genius!", she smiled broadly and his heart skipped a few beats.   
"This is perfect! Why did I not come up with it?! I shall tell the girls and we will leave in a few days time. I have to ask Mrs. Heywood if she'd like to join us. I believe Charlotte would love to have her accompany us", she planned. 

"I'm happy to be of service", he said and couldn't help but sent her a longing look. 

She blushed beautifully and turned away from him. Andrew decided to keep praying that the prince would soon drop her for he wasn't willing to let her go. Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, commenting, supporting and leaving kudos. It means so much to me and you are the reason I keep on writing ❤❤❤
> 
> And I'm sorry if this chapter was too disappointing 😔


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shed tears over reading your lovely comments! Thank you so much ❤❤❤
> 
> Somehow I had hoped to come up with something like "I am my best self, my truest self, when I'm with you" and then I was disappointed I didn't...but how could I?!  
> Justin Young is a genius! So let's hope that he will be the one to give us Sidney's real proposal in season/series 2 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽
> 
> Also: happy new year, stay happy, safe and healthy 🍀❤🍀❤🍀

"My dear Sidney! I could not be any happier! Finally!", Mary was overjoyed when Sidney told them the news during dinner. 

"Me too! You have been waiting long enough to be happy!", Arthur exclaimed and put another slice of roast beef on his plate. 

Diana was not present for she felt too weak after seeing Sidney. He had visited her and she had been so surprised to see him that she had fainted believing him to be a ghost. Thankfully Mr. Milford had been there to catch her. Knowing about his sister's delicate nature he had decided to tell her and Arthur before the dinner for he had been sure that at least one of them would decline the invitation last minute.  
Diana had received the news well and had been glad that Sidney was over Mrs. Campion now. Sidney didn't bother to explain to her that he had not loved her in a very, very long time. That story would have to wait for another visit he would pay her some time soon. Perhaps even with Charlotte accompanying him.

"Does that mean Charlotte will be our aunt then?", Alicia asked excitedly. 

"Yes, she will", Sidney simply answered and laughed when his nieces and nephew cheered very loud. 

All seemed happy - though Tom was uncharacteristically silent. 

"Anything wrong, brother?", Sidney challenged him after the children had calmed down again. 

"No, not at all! Congratulations. Charlotte will be a great addition to our family", Tom said smiling though Sidney detected concern in his eyes. 

He decided to ask him later what the matter was instead of ruining this happy family dinner.  
Afterwards the children insisted on showing him Charlotte's story which their father had finally returned to them. He loved it and his heart was about to burst with pride for his future wife. She was so capable in many ways and he loved her creativity, her energy to create new things and her wish to make others happy. 

"Papa said there will be more stories", Henry informed his uncle enthusiastically. 

"Is that so? And what does Charlotte say?". 

"She said she is working on some ideas but they are not ready to be shown to anyone yet. I wonder when it will be ready?!", Jenny replied. 

"Well, I'm sure if Charlotte promised you another story she'll keep her word. And now I believe it's time for bed", Sidney said smiling. 

The nursemaid helped the children get ready for bed and Sidney had time to enjoy the booklet all by himself. He was impressed by Alison's skills of drawing and painting and Charlotte's talent to keep a light tone even when the story started out sad. He made a note to ask her about it and encourage her to keep on writing if it made her happy.  
The children nestled down into their beds and Sidney started reading out loud. By the end of the story they were all sound asleep and he left the nursery as silent as he could to join his brothers and Mary. 

"I cannot help it Sidney, I am indeed incredibly happy for the two of you", Mary said through tears when Sidney came to sit next to her. 

"Thank you, Mary", he smiled and handed her a handkerchief to dry her tears. 

"Have you decided yet when the wedding will be? I gather you'd both appreciate a date rather sooner than later ...after all", she enquired. 

"We do. Yet I suppose that four weeks is a good time to prepare everything. I wish for Charlotte to have all she desires for her wedding day. Moreover her father asked me not to rush things. He reminded me that I have been engaged thirteen weeks ago and that it wouldn't be proper to haste into marriage. He is afraid people might thing that Charlotte was the reason to make Eliza and me go separate ways", Sidney explained their decision. 

"But Sidney, have you not heard? Mrs. Campion is soon to be Lady Carstairs. She sent Lady Worcester a letter some days ago and thanked her for introducing her to Lord Carstairs. He must have proposed two weeks ago. So if anyone wishes to believe another love interest was the reason to end your engagement it would rather be him than our Charlotte", Mary informed him. 

Sidney was stunned to hear the news and was wondering why Lady Susan didn't tell him. But then again he was completely focused on proposing to Charlotte and this information did not change anything anyway. He was happy for Eliza but that was it. And as much as he yearned to start his married life with Charlotte as soon as possible he was wise enough to respect his father-in-law's wishes. 

"I hope you are not ...struggling with Mrs. Campion marrying someone else again?", Mary asked concerned.

She was looking intently at him yet must have read his expression completely wrong. 

"Mary, I am happy for her. Yet my own happiness with Charlotte is all I care about currently", he soothed her. 

"For a second I... well, never mind. I must call on Charlotte tomorrow. Or perhaps an invitation to dinner will do. I'm sure the children will be eager to welcome her as their future aunt too. And she is always so good with them", Mary put a hand lightly on Sidney's cheek and continued softly: "She will be a wonderful mother and you will be a great father. I cannot wait to see your little family. Your children surely will be handsome ...but I gather also blessed with a fiery temper". 

Sidney chuckled and kissed Mary on her cheek after she removed her hand from his. The idea of children -of a family- with Charlotte made him infinitely happy.

"Thank you, Mary. I know she will be the best mother -no offence! But I shall hope our children will take more after her than me". 

"Mary, are there any more biscuits?", Arthur chipped suddenly in. 

Sidney took the chance to go and sit next to Tom while Mary asked a servant to bring more biscuits. 

"I have known you long enough now to sense when something is wrong. What is it, Tom? Do you not approve of my choice of bride?", Sidney asked and could hardly keep his anger back. 

Tom looked at him with wide eyes.

"No, brother! Why would I? Charlotte is perfect in every way. Well, she doesn't have any fortune but that doesn't matter since you just made one". 

"And if I didn't?! Would you have approved of her still?", Sidney enquired, now clearly vexed. 

"If she makes you happy than my opinion shouldn't matter, should it? Look, I... Mary told me that you didn't engage yourself to Eliza because you loved her but because we needed her money. And that you had already planned to propose to Charlotte when the fire occurred. Is that true?".

Sidney was slightly taken aback and nodded only. 

"Why did you not tell me?!", Tom asked him now with a breaking voice and glistening eyes. 

"How could I? You sent me away to save the family and Sanditon with Lady Denham's threats hovering above us! I could hardly come back empty-handed!". 

"I only sent YOU because I knew that nobody would trust me in London. You are the better businessman!", Tom explained desperately now. "I never meant to hurt either of you or make you miserable on my account. If you had told me I would ...well I would have still needed your help for I am not as well connected as you are - but I would have never asked such a sacrifice of you!". 

Of all the things he expected Tom to say it was not this! 

"When I thought I might lose Mary I was devastated. Just the thought of you suffering for almost a year now in the same way ...I would understand if you could never forgive me. But I wish to apologise. I do not know how to make it up to you or Charlotte but I am sincerely sorry", Tom continued. 

Sidney was left speechless. This speech of Tom had been the first sensible one for over a year.  
Somehow he decided to forgive him for Tom seemed sincere in his apology and to be honest now that he was sure of Charlotte's hand he felt like he could forgive even the worst villain. His happiness made him focus only on her and everything else seemed comparably irrelevant. 

"It wasn't indeed an easy time but I shall forgive you. Though you must promise to be the loving husband and father from now on again who your family is missing dearly. And every business idea of yours must be approved by Lady Denham or me before you set anything in motion. Have I made myself clear?", Sidney replied after a few minutes. 

"Yes, yes. Absolutely. Though there is one business idea you know nothing of yet. Perhaps you can join me later in my study and I'll show you what I mean", Tom answered shyly. 

Actually Sidney wasn't in the mood to talk business this evening (especially after speaking earlier to Tom and Lady Denham) yet somehow he felt he had to do it.  
"Very well then". 

Mary's breathing wasn't as calm as it usually was when she was asleep. So much he knew. 

"Mary, dear? Can we talk?", he asked timidly. 

"Now? Tom, it has been quite an exciting day. Let us talk tomorrow", she answered quietly. 

He cleared his throat and decided to speak anyway: "You do not need to say anything. Just listen please. I am sorry that I was so blind and that I wasn't the husband and father you and the children needed. Sanditon possessed me completely and I gave in. Now I see how many people I have hurt on my disastrous path. I have asked for Sidney's forgiveness and tomorrow I wish to ask for Charlotte's. Since I am proficient in breaking promises I can only say that I will try to do better in the future. By all of you. And now that Sidney is a main investor with Lady Denham I hope things will ...calm down und run more smoothly. Please Mary, forgive this fool you married twelve years ago. Because without you and the children he is nothing". 

He had not meant to cry but some tears still escaped his eyes.  
It was deafening silent in their bedroom and he lost all hope.  
Suddenly a warm hand searched for his and found it. 

"It took you quite a while, did it not?! My fool", Mary said softly and he sighed relieved. 

Yesterday he had so much time to go back and reflect on everything that had happened last year. He had been shocked to realise all his failings and the more situations between Charlotte and Sidney he had replayed in his mind the more he had been confused. There had been a lot of banter and ignoring each other. Though Sidney had not looked happy at the regatta next to Eliza. It was after the regatta that he had found Sidney smiling to himself more often and being relaxed in general. And then he had wondered when Sidney had requested to be escorted to his carriage by Charlotte before he took off to London to save them. Now it made sense. If they had been already lovers at that time they would have wished to part more privately. And Charlotte's puffy eyes one day after Sidney had been back from London were now no longer because of her soon departure from Sanditon but because of a broken heart.  
How respectful and friendly she had been towards him despite his leading role in her misery. He didn't deserve her kindness.  
Yet he was happy that his brother had managed to win her pure heart. Both of them would complement one another perfectly.  
He had hoped that Charlotte would still accept his brother and when Sidney conveyed the news today he was thrilled and yet his guilt was suffocating him. He deserved to suffer. After all that had happened he knew that now. And it was still a long way to go if he wanted to make amends. 

There he was - finally! Charlotte was glad that Lady Susan supported them in every possible way. So much so that she agreed to letting Sidney in after the proper times for visitors.  
Georgiana and Alison had already retreated to their rooms and Lady Susan was sitting with them in the drawing room. Though she couldn't stop yawning it would seem.

"I dare say I am suddenly very exhausted and need to leave for my bed. See you tomorrow, Mr. Parker", she said smirking after Sidney had been ten minutes present. 

Lady Susan left the room but also the door opened. The next second Sidney was seating himself closer to her. 

"I missed you", he whispered into her ear and Charlotte felt a warm wave wash over her. 

She turned to face him and boldly placed her hands on his cheeks. 

"I missed you more", she gasped for she began to drown in his warm eyes. 

"Impossible, my love", he leaned down now and kissed her gently. "But before we lose ourselves in each other again I need to speak to you", he said and pulled her on his lap. 

Embracing her with his strong arms. However could she listen to him when she was so close to him? She felt dizzy. 

"Tom apologised for his behaviour the past year and tomorrow turn to you and ask forgiveness. I'm just preparing you. Oh, and Mary insists on your presence tomorrow to dine with us". 

Charlotte was too distracted by his closeness and felt too weak to speak and nodded instead. 

"And now I must tell you how proud I am of your work. I simply do not deserve you, my love", he said hoarsely.

Despite the tingle down her spine she frowned. What was he talking about?  
He kissed her forehead. 

"How many more ideas might be locked up in here for Sandy?", he asked chuckling. 

Then it dawned on her. 

"You've read the story?", she asked him and couldn't resist to play with a curl in his neck any longer. 

"Oh yes, I did. And your drafts also. I'm glad to see that you use your talent to change the world, Miss Heywood", he replied and touched her lips with his again. 

"We do not know if it will work...and Tom was reluctant. He fears the ton might not like such educational stories". 

"But how will you know if you won't give it a try? And today he seemed to like the idea. Charlotte, surely you must know I support you", his lips found the tip of her nose. "If you are ready to publish your stories, I will be there and I will do all you need me to do".

The affection and pride in his eyes made her heart beat faster and she leaned into him and tried to show him with her kiss how grateful she was.  
Breathless their foreheads came to rest on each other.

"I should leave now or I'll be tempted to follow you to your bedroom", Sidney whispered. 

Charlotte felt her heart skip a beat. As enticing as it felt to be in his strong arms she also realised how close to ruination they were. What if one of the servants had walked in and later told anyone how Charlotte had been sitting on Sidney's lap though they were only engaged and not married yet?! She jumped from his lap and he looked confused at her. 

"My love? What is it?", he asked concerned.  
"As you said, we need to part before ...before anything happens", she stammered and avoided his gaze. 

He stood up and made her look up at him by placing his finger gently under her chin. 

"I'm sorry if I scared you. I was just being honest. Though I did not mean ...well. I just like holding you in my arms. Knowing you are really here. Feeling your warmth. Being assured of your love for me. That is all. I wasn't insinuating something improper", he explained.

"And I like to be held by you. But just imagine the uproar it would cause if Lady Susan or Alison or Georgiana were to find you in my room tomorrow?!", she said blushing. 

He chuckled: "We shall not want that, shall we?". 

A last chaste kiss and then he left. And Charlotte - feeling rather flushed now - headed to her room.


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤ thank you ❤❤❤

Mrs. Heywood arrived five days later in Sanditon and much to Charlotte's and Alison's surprise with Peter and Rose.   
Sidney was pleased to see that they had acted on his suggestion. He had planned to acquaint Peter and Rose with his nieces and nephews. And when Susan had informed him of her plans to invite Mrs. Heywood to Sanditon and then to London he added a note to her letter.   
It would exculpate Mr. Heywood and the older siblings from taking care of the two youngest ones if they were to accompany Mrs. Heywood.   
It was a very heartfelt moment when the Heywoods greeted each other. Mrs. Heywood couldn't stop shedding tears of relief and happiness especially after she embraced Sidney very tightly. 

"My dear Sidney, I am so happy to finally call you my son!". 

Sidney needed to gulp several times to suppress his tears. Though he had a small excited whirlwind to attend to. Because from the moment Rose finished greeting Charlotte, Alison and Georgiana she was glued to Sidney's side. 

"I see that my worries were unnecessary. I had feared that Rose and Peter would feel my absence severely and might cause trouble in doing so. But since both are not leaving your side I shall hope that all will be well during our short trip to London", Mrs. Heywood admitted later. 

"I'm certain they will have enough distraction once they have met my nieces and nephews tomorrow", Sidney tried to reassure her. 

"And if they should indeed miss their mother too much you can come to London anytime. Melrose Place is spacious enough for all of us", Lady Susan suggested smiling. 

Tomorrow Lady Susan, Charlotte, Alison and Mrs. Heywood would head to London. Georgiana had decided to stay in Sanditon for she wished to discuss something with Sidney. He had no idea what she wished to speak about and he was quite curious to hear her out.   
During dinner he tried to concentrate on Rose's many questions but he found himself too distracted. Charlotte was seated opposite to him and he couldn't tear his eyes off her. She wore a dress in a dark rosy tone which seemed to be the same shade as her lips. Everytime she looked up and found him gazing at her she would blush. But that made Sidney only admire and want her more. 

"You are not listening! Sidney!", Rose who was seated next to him exclaimed. 

He turned to her. 

"You are right. I am sorry", he apologised. 

Rose crossed her arms and frowned. 

"I can't wait for Charlotte to leave. Then you will not be distracted anymore and you can answer all my questions!", she said pouty. 

"Rose! How dare you?!", her mother chastised her. 

Sidney couldn't help now but blush too. She had -again- read the situation perfectly. This little monster was indeed too perceptive. 

"You are right again. Charlotte is the reason for my distraction. But look at her. Isn't she the most beautiful woman you have ever seen?", he tried to lighten the mood and began tickling Rose. 

While doing so he looked at Charlotte who flushed even more. 

"I am still not used to this Sidney, declaring his feelings so openly. I'm not sure I like it", Georgiana teased above Rose's giggle. 

"Whether you do, or not. As her mother I appreciate that my daughter found herself a husband who loves and adores her", Mrs. Heywood commented with teary eyes. 

From there on Sidney tried to pay Rose and Peter more attention. Though every now and then Charlotte and he would exchange a longing look.   
The children insisted on being put to bed by Charlotte and that Sidney should read a story to them before.   
So the four of them were in Charlotte's room since Rose and Peter had wished to sleep in her bed.   
And so the children nestled down on her bed, each on one side of Charlotte and Sidney drew a chair closer to the bed and began to read aloud.   
When the children fell asleep Sidney dared to look up and saw that Charlotte was extricating herself gently from her brother and sister. Once she managed it she crawled to the end of her bed and came to stand on the floor. He stood up now. Completely drawn to her. He was convinced that she must hear his heart too for it was pounding forceful in his chest.   
When his hands touched the soft skin of hers he sighed. 

"Miss Heywood, has anyone told you that this dress ...it suits you very well?", his voice was hoarse. 

"I believe you are to be the first one, Mr. Parker", she answered and smiled shyly. 

"I cannot believe it! Charlotte, when we are married I would like to see it on you more often", he said earnestly. 

"Then you shall, my love", she whispered and stood on her tiptoe to lean in and kiss him. 

Hearing her call him 'my love' made him speechless. Thankfully he needed no words while kissing her.   
It was a rather intimate moment since they were in Charlotte's room at night and kissing tenderly. Sidney knew that he had to lock this experience up in his heart and mind and think of it as often as possible for he would miss Charlotte the following days. Every second. Though he believed that Rose and Peter wouldn't leave him much time to think of her a lot. 

"What is so amusing?", Charlotte asked when he chuckled to himself and ended the kiss. 

"Excuse me, my love. I was just thinking about how much I will miss you until I reminded myself that there will be Peter and Rose", he explained and caressed her cheek. 

"Oh these two will certainly keep you busy", she chuckled now too. "This time it will be me then who will miss you more. I have no one to distract me. And getting my wedding dress prepared will make me think of you all the more". 

"I cannot wait to see you in it. Though I'm sure you could wear a blanket and yet be the most beautiful of all brides", he whispered and found her lips again. 

A sudden knock on the door made them jump apart. 

"Charlotte? Sidney? Are the children asleep now?", Mrs. Heywood asked from behind the door. 

Both sighed and tried to compose themselves before Sidney went to the door, opened it and let Mrs. Heywood in. 

"I'm sorry to interrupt. I have seen the looks you have shared and ...well, I believe it is my duty to see that you behave properly. At least until the wedding", Mrs. Heywood explained shyly which made Charlotte and him flush all the more. 

"Shall we join the others then?", Sidney suggested after clearing his throat. 

He didn't wait for an answer but escaped the room. He did not feel ashamed for his love for Charlotte yet being caught by your mother-in-law was not an experience he needed repeated again. 

Lady Susan was an angel! Somehow she had managed to give Charlotte and Sidney some time alone before they were to depart for London. Sidney had joined them during breakfast to take Rose and Peter with him. Afterwards Lady Susan had tasked both of them (Charlotte and Sidney) to collect some things from her room that she had organised for Rose and Peter. Toys and clothes.   
As soon as they had been alone in Lady Susan's room they had embraced each other tightly. 

"I wish I could join you. It feels like I won't survive even a minute without you", Sidney had said close to her ear. 

"Only 23 more days", she had replied and had snuggled up even closer to him. 

Inhaling his cologne and enjoying his warm strong arms around her shoulders. 

"You are counting?", he asked smiling. 

"Are you not?", Charlotte had asked alarmed in return and had looked up to him. 

Was he in fact not as excited as her to be married?!   
His hands had slid down to her waist then. 

"Trust me, I do, 552 hours left until I can call you my wife", he had aspirated before kissing the frown on her forehead. 

She had relaxed and had moved her hands up to his shoulders. 

"And when I return there will only be 19 days left. Less than three weeks. And hopefully time will fly by and then...", she had stopped for his intense and tender eyes had made her speechless. 

"And then ...", he had leaned in to kiss her passionately.

They had kissed until Charlotte's body had betrayed her. Suddenly everything had turned black and there had been a buzzing in her head.   
The last thing she had felt were Sidney's arms catching her.   
She had regained her consciousness while feathery kisses had been placed all over her face. 

"Next time we should take a rest to breathe", Sidney had teased. "Though I must admit being with you makes me breathless everytime and I have had much luck by now for not fainting. But perhaps you'll find me on my knees sometime when we are married". 

"Stop flirting or I might be tempted to kiss you again and I dare say a second faint might cause us some trouble", she had smiled and realised that she had been sitting on his lap again. 

"I suppose you are right. Lady Susan and especially your mother might be wondering why it takes so long to pack the things she has purchased for Rose and Peter", Sidney had said sighing and had stood up. 

Then he had walked towards the door. 

"Sidney, as much as I love being carried around by you -you need to let me down at some point". 

"I wish I had not to. Parting from you is by far the most agonizing experience", he had sighed again but then had let her gently down on her feet. 

He had grabbed the presents for her siblings.   
Just before she had a chance to open the door he had turned her around to him and had kissed her again. Leaving both of them breathless. 

"That should do ...for now. I love you, Charlotte", he had whispered afterwards and then he had left the room. 

Now she felt her cheeks flush everytime she thought of the moments they had spent alone so far. 

"So? Do you have any idea how you wish your wedding dress to look like, my dear?", Lady Susan asked with a knowing smile. 

She was extraordinarily nervous and yet she was more than up to the task. Clara Brereton was pacing the chamber she had been led to and hoped that the prince would like her service.   
After getting rid of Edward's child she had tried to make Crowe marry her. Oh, his fortune was quite large and he was a wonderful lover. Never boring with him. Yet he seemed to be not the marrying type of man. No matter how many times she raised the topic he would laugh and say "We shall see".   
She even tried to be with child in order to force him into marriage but he seemed to be too experienced. When she grew more frustrated from day to day she began complaining and that was it. He ended things and made her leave his lodging. He gave her a considerable amount of money to find something new yet it was obvious that the money would at some point run out.   
It was after hearing rumours of Lady Worcester being courted by another that the idea of taking her place occurred to her! What a splendid idea it was indeed. Now all she needed to do was to satisfy the prince and all was well. She knew that he liked her outer appearance already. Somehow Crowe had managed to take her to a ball with him which the Prince Regent had also attended. She had felt his hungry eyes over her body the whole evening. Surely the daring dress she had been wearing had done her a great service. Her bosom had been on its best display and she had tried her best to dance as seductively as possible while still keeping it proper.   
And now she had been invited to his private quarters. 

"This has to work!", she whispered to herself. 

There would be no other way. If she wasn't successful in securing him she would have to leave England. Most of the male members of the ton enjoyed her company and would keep her as a mistress -but nothing more. And as a mistress was easily dismissed she was in want if something more secure. Being one of the future king's mistresses was far more to her liking. He would care for her and she would gain a new position within society. She would no longer be the poor relative of Lady Denham! 

"I began to believe that you wish not to be found, Miss Brereton", a voice said from behind her. 

Smiling she turned around. 

"What an honour it is to be searched for by you, your highness", she answered sweetly and curtsied. 

"After the glances you kept throwing at me that evening I expected you to come to ME", he spoke while removing her spencer. 

"Oh, but I'm only an unfortunate and poor commoner...how could I ever impose on my future king", she answered and opened the first two front buttons of her dress. 

He smiled and Clara was sure that this would be a triumphant night. 

Unfortunately they had arrived at late afternoon and knowing how hard James always worked she had no wish to bother him. Yet she had decided she wouldn't wait longer than the next noon to seek him out. Somehow she had a bad feeling all the journey along. Surely James had a reason for not proposing yet.   
But what could it be?   
Her parents had approved and she had assured him that her answer would be yes.   
It was a restless night for Alison. And though she was incredibly happy for her sister all the talk about weddings, wedding dresses, husbands and love made her heart ache. She was hurt that James took his time. Charlotte of course sensed something was wrong and had asked her after dinner. Yet Alison had decided to pretend a headache and exhaustion from the journey instead of the truth. Charlotte had looked sceptical but had not pushed matters further.   
As soon as the first rays of sunlight came through her window Alison was up and readying herself for the day. She skipped breakfast and left a note to Lady Susan and her mother explaining why she took the carriage and where she was going.   
The ride ended soon enough and she exited the carriage hastily.  
She took a deep breath and then entered the office. There he was. The sun made his curls shine golden and his hands were busy drawing on paper. He was too concentrated to even look up. Her heart rate accelerated. She had missed him so much and all she yearned to do was to run into his arms and let him hold her forever. Mr. Williams and Mr. Watson were not present and so it was only the two of them. Instead of speaking to him she stepped closer and observed him. His frown was adorable and the way he was totally drawn to his work made him even more attractive. 

Only two steps away from him she said: "Good morning, James". 

He turned around, clearly surprised, with wide eyes and an open mouth. 

It took him a while to say something: "Alison?! What are you doing here?".

"I ...I missed you and since we are in London anyway to get Charlotte a wedding dress, I thought I might as well stop by instead of writing a note or a letter. Especially since your answers were so short lately", she tried to not sound too accusatory. 

"Charlotte's wedding dress? Is she finally engaged? Has Mr. Parker returned then?", he asked. 

"Yes, he has indeed. And ...well ...like everyone else, he was very surprised to hear that we are not engaged yet. Especially after my father has given his consent and blessing already", she knew it was a little bold of her but she needed him to finally ask her. 

James blushed and then turned away. 

"Yes, I suppose everyone is wondering when it will happen. But Alison, I fear I must tell you that I have changed my mind", he stated with a low voice and Alison felt suddenly quite nauseous.


	74. Chapter 74

A thunk made him turn around and to his great distress Alison was laying on the floor. He rushed to her and gently picked her up. He placed himself on a chair with her on his lap. 

"Alison! Alison, come back, dearest!", he shouted repeatedly. 

Eventually she opened her eyes and when she seemed to realise that he was holding her, her eyes filled with tears and she tried to free herself from him. 

"Let go of me, please". 

He did as asked and both faced each other standing.

"Alison, what is going on?", he asked for he had no idea why she couldn't stop crying. 

"I believe it us up to me to ask you the same question! Why now? Why after seeking my father's blessing? You could have written to me that you do not want to marry me!", she yelled now, clearly furious. 

"What? Why would I not wish to marry you?", he wondered what she was talking about. 

"Do not mock me, Sir! You said it yourself: you have changed your mind!". 

"Yes I said that, but I didn't mean marrying you in general, Alison! I do love you and I want a lifetime with you!". Why could she not see that she was everything to him?!

"What was it then that you've been talking about?", she asked vexed. 

"I just meant the perfect time to propose to you. I had intended to visit Sanditon two weeks after I've seen your father but then I realised that I need to settle into my business first before I could make you such an offer. All my savings are going to be needed for my own architect's office. We cannot start into our marriage being poor as mice! You deserve better!", he explained in full now. 

"I don't care about such things. I just want to be with you", Alison said now softening up to him. 

"And I with you but we have think this through. What if you'll be soon with child. How provide for one if we are not even sure that the two of us will have daily meals on our table?", he tried to make her understand why he had made that decision. 

"James! I don't expect you to marry me right away. I just want to be betrothed to you. I want some sort of sign that our love is real. Unless your feelings have changed?!", she said desperately. 

"They have not! I love you and I want to share my life with you ...but if I fail I do not want to drag you down with me", he admitted defeated. 

"But isn't this what marriage is about? I want to be at your side. I want to dry your tears and laugh with you. I want to calm you down and to motivate you", Alison replied while stepping closer to him. 

"I do not deserve you", he whispered. 

For it was true. How could this wonderful woman be still so kind to him despite all? 

"Love has nothing to do with deserving a person. It is when two hearts beat in harmony. And I'm sure I've heard mine beat in unison with yours", she spoke tenderly. 

He embraced her and kissed her forehead affectionately. 

"Will you marry me, Alison?", he asked while his lips remained close to her forehead. 

"Yes! Whenever you are ready", she pulled him tighter to her and his lips wandered down from her forehead to meet her lips. 

Georgiana braced herself for she did not know how Sidney would react to her confession and her request. They got better along that was true, but was it well enough to bring Otis up again? And yet she had to give it a try. Being surrounded by so many lovers lately made her feel Otis' absence all the more. Her heart was still aching for him and she wondered if Sidney could find it in his heart to give him a second chance. Because she was ready to do so. There was no man who would understand her better than him - despite their different social classes.   
She loved his ambition to abolish slavery and to fight for African people all over the world who suffered. She loved that he had it in his power to make her smile and laugh even when she was not in the mood to do so. Of course she still felt the pain of betrayal. Yet now that some time has passed by and in reading his letters she was convinced that his feelings had been genuine and that he truly cared for her. 

"I fear we might be disturbed within the next twenty minutes. I do not suppose the children will be playing by themselves for very long", Sidney said when he entered the drawing room where she had been waiting for him. 

"Then I shall I get straight to the point", Georgiana stated. 

"Please do". 

"You met Otis. Why did you not tell me?",   
she asked him frowning. 

"Because I knew that he would tell you. As well as I know about the letters he has been sending you all this time".

Georgiana was surprised to hear this piece of information. 

"We talked for hours while working on the ship. He is a fine gentleman and once he's back in England you may reacquaint yourself with him". 

Now she was at complete loss of words. Who was this man sitting opposite to her? The old Sidney would never have approved of receiving letters from Otis let alone meeting him again. 

"Why did you change your mind?", she enquired once she found her voice again. 

"As I said, we talked and I got to know him better. If you still love him I believe it is only fair to explore if you can move forward".

"And what if ...if I take him back?", Georgiana avoided to look into Sidney's eyes. 

"As your guardian I want what is best for you, Georgiana. Of course I would have wished for you to marry someone who is wealthy and titled. Especially in order to save you from people like Lady Salisbury or Eliza. People who still struggle with accepting black people in our society. But I do know that someone black will understand your needs and worries better than a privileged English Lord. And moreover compatibility is far more important to grant a blissful marriage than wealth or a title. So, whatever you decide, I will support you and accept your wishes". 

Georgiana needed a moment to take all in. 

Then she nodded and whispered: "Thank you, Sidney". 

He smiled and was about to say something when the children stormed into the drawing room and shouted "Attack him!!!" before throwing themselves on Sidney. 

Charlotte woke up early for she was excited to choose the material for her wedding dress today. Lady Susan had insisted that she would pay for it for she intended it to be her wedding gift. Though Charlotte and her mother refused she was very persuasive. Still, Charlotte was determined to keep her dress as simple as possible for she didn't wish for Lady Susan to spend too much money on her - not after all she had already done for her!  
Her mind quickly wandered from her dress to her future husband. She wondered what he would be wearing though she was certain that he would look as handsome as always. Her body started tingling again when she imagined him standing next to her in Willingden church.   
She already missed him dearly and wished to have him here with her. Now that they were engaged she hated to be separated from him. They had wasted so much time already. In her mind she replayed all their encounters, old and new ones, leaving her smiling and craving his arms around her. When she closed her eyes she could smell his cologne and feel his lips on hers. Though being alone in her bedroom she blushed. Would she ever get tired of his kisses or being around him? Or would he tire of her?! She hoped not. Ever!   
Sighing she left her bed and readied herself for the day ahead.   
She was the first at the breakfast table and was joined ten minutes later by her mother who was also an early riser. 

"Oh Charlotte, I have never slept that well in my entire life! My bed is so comfortable. I felt like sleeping on a cloud", her mother raved. 

Charlotte chuckled in response and even more so when her mother's eyes met the plenty of food. 

"Good god! Is this heaven?", she gasped. 

"Perhaps. Then Lady Susan must be our personal angel. Providing so well for us".

"She is indeed", her mother agreed smiling.

"Shush now! I won't hear any of it", Lady Susan said behind them. 

"Yet it is true. You have done so much good by my children. I do not know how to ever repay you". 

"There is no need for repayment. Seeing them happy is enough. And speaking of happiness: it would seem Alison took matters in her own hand. She is off to see Mr. Stringer". 

Charlotte squealed with delight: "How wonderful!". 

The three ladies sat down at the table and enjoyed their meal together. Laughing and talking about various topics.   
It was half an hour later that Alison joined them. 

"Oh dear, why are your eyes so puffy? What happened?", Charlotte ran over to her. 

Alison let her sister embrace her and shed more tears. 

"I believe I must have a word with Mr. Stringer", Lady Susan said after a while enraged. 

Alison managed to lift her head from Charlotte's shoulder then. 

"There is no need. We are engaged", she stammered. 

"But why are you not happy about it?", her mother asked clearly confused.

And then she told them about her morning. The first shock and late delight. Alison was emotionally overwhelmed and needed to rest after.   
Two hours later Charlotte was looking intently at her sister fearing that she might burst out into tears again. Yet Alison seemed to have well calmed down. And once they arrived at the dressmaker she was excited and was completely concentrating on Charlotte's dress.  
Lady Susan had a clear vision of what the dress should look like and told the seamstress exactly what sorts of fabric she would like to be presented to them. It took them quite a while to decide for all of the offered examples were very beautiful. In the end they chose ivory coloured silk and lace.   
Then Charlotte was taken to a secluded room to take measurements. Lady Susan came by and showed her another type of lace in various colours. Charlotte liked the black and navy blue ones but did not understand why Lady Susan showed her those at all after they had already chosen the material for her wedding dress.

"It is perfect for a nightdress. We will have some made of these too", Lady Susan said and turned to the seamstress. 

"But Lady Susan...what would I want with a nightdress that ...reveals more than it covers?", Charlotte asked distressed. 

Lady Susan chuckled and looked at her warmly. "You'll know soon enough, my dear". 

Charlotte looked back at the black lace and felt like she missed something important here. Shouldn't a nightdress cover a lady's body and keep her warm? 

"Oh no, not when you are married, my dear. From now on it is Sidney's job to keep you warm", Lady Susan answered for Charlotte had unknowingly spoken aloud. 

Her answer made Charlotte flush and suddenly the room felt too small and too stuffy.   
"I think I might need some fresh air", she said and left the room abruptly after getting dressed again. 

What a day it had been! First Alison finally announcing her engagement, then meeting the dressmaker and now she just came back from court. The prince had left a note that he wished to see her and she had felt very uncomfortable to meet him again. Especially now that her heart was beating for someone else it was difficult to give herself to another. Yet all her worries and concerns were baseless. The prince and she drank wine together and talked. That was all. He didn't even try to seduce her and he didn't expect her to make him an offer. They even spoke about Andrew. Of course there had been rumours and he had heard them too. 

"I was surprised to hear that you have secured yourself a young admirer", he had chuckled. 

"Because I'm too old or too unattractive to do so?", she had asked teasingly when in truth she had been a little hurt that he found the idea amusing. 

"Dear Susan, you are neither and you know it! Yet I wondered if the boy was encouraged by you?", he had been earnest then.

"I told him that I can only offer friendship - at least currently", she had answered honestly. 

"Mmh, and he still follows you like a puppy? Interesting". 

And that had been it. The prince had then told her about his new horse and that his father's health issues were getting worse.   
Lady Susan was still wondering if she should have told the prince about her growing affection for Andrew. Perhaps he would have understood and then set her free? Or he would have clutched at her even firmer?  
What a mess! How naive of her to believe that at the age of 35 she would be free of problems concerning her vie amoureuse. And now it was worse than ever. Stupid affliction that it is!   
She sighed and turned to the other side hoping that sleep would come over her. 

Sidney had never been that exhausted. Who knew that keeping five children happy and occupied would cost him so much energy? 

"You haven't finished your sandcastle!", Peter noted and made Sidney chuckle. 

He had tried his best but he wasn't as talented as Charlotte in sandcastle building.   
The other children gathered around him and laughed at his poor attempt. 

"I have never seen anything that ugly", Rose laughed hard and Alicia and Jenny agreed with her. 

"Are you insulting my skills?", Sidney asked in playful earnestness.

"Uncle Sidney, you can hardly speak of skill. Look at it", Alicia stated and tears of laughter were running down her face. 

"I see. Then I'll have to destroy your work to make mine the only example here", he said and stood up. 

He ran to their sandcastles and pretended to want to demolish them.The children screamed loudly and ran after him. Moments later they all ended up laughing at the shore and splashing water at each other.   
After that the children expressed being hungry and Sidney prepared the picnic for them. While they were eating Sidney had time to observe them closely and he was thrilled to see that Alicia, Jenny and Rose were already thick as thiefs and Henry and Peter also got along really well. In the past days there had not been one fight which had wondered Sidney. The children were respecting each other and were very polite. 

"Uncle Sidney, will you come with us to the dressmaker tomorrow? Mamma promised us new dresses for your wedding!", Jenny enquired with excitement. 

"Oh! Can I go too?", Rose chipped in now. 

"I'm sure we can arrange something", Sidney answered smiling. 

It was nice to see that he wasn't alone in his excitement of his wedding.   
After the children were full they began to doze off for it had been a busy and very hot day. While the girls chose to take Sidney's thigh or chest as a pillow the boys just lay beside him.   
This had to be it. This was how a proud and content father must feel like. He couldn't wait to start a family with Charlotte! Though he wouldn't mind to have her all to himself first for he knew as soon as a child was born there would be less time for togetherness.   
At some point he must have dozed off too for it was Henry's voice that woke him abruptly. 

"Look! Aunt Charlotte!", Henry exclaimed and ran off to hug her.   
Sidney sat straight up and glanced into the direction Henry had gone to. The sun was blinding and he couldn't see clearly until she stood in front of him, smiling shyly at him while all the children were gathered around her.   
His heart started pounding hard and his breath hitched. 

"Mr. Parker, I see you have been a man of your word. The children reported they had a wonderful time with you", she said softly. 

"It was my pleasure. But I thought you won't be back until tomorrow?". 

"I ...couldn't bear the distance any longer. And after my dress was a work in progress we decided to come back early", she admitted shyly. 

Then her look wandered to his sandcastle and she giggled: "Whose work is this? It certainly made the last place in your competition, did it not?". 

She was teasing him but he knew how to respond to that. He stood up and suddenly picked her up and ran towards the shore with her. 

"Don't mock me! I tried my best but I'm not a talented sandcastle architect, I fear. Now, let's punish you for teasing me. How about a dip in the water?!", he asked. 

"Sidney, stop it! People might see us! Sidney, please", she pleaded laughing. 

The children were running now behind them laughing too. 

"Yes, throw her into the water", Rose cheered. 

When he reached the shore he went a few steps into the water before he made a gesture like letting go of her. Charlotte embraced him tighter. 

"Don't let go of me", she urged him. 

Then their eyes met. 

"Never, my love", Sidney replied hoarsely and gave in to his desire of kissing her. 

He leaned down, when Charlotte put her finger gently on his lips. 

"This is not the time and place. The children are watching us apart from everyone else here on the beach", she reminded him. 

He felt flushed and ashamed for losing control.   
But the truth was that having her in his arms was all he needed. He could protect and love her best while she was close to his chest. 

"You need to let me down, love", she whispered. 

His lips tingled from the touch of her finger and now his head was spinning for the way she had spoken to him. Full of love and devotion. 

"I love you", he gasped while setting her free reluctantly. 

Her hand came to rest on his cheek. 

"And I you. Only twenty days left", she said tenderly. 

Right now twenty days felt like an eternity. She moved away from him when he caught up and grasped her hand. He kissed it most affectionately and Charlotte closed her eyes smiling. Clearly enjoying the sensation of his lips on her skin. He knew he wouldn't find a second of sleep tonight if he didn't kiss her properly today. 

"Meet me later on the clifftop", he instructed, his voice thick with emotion. 

Charlotte's eyes shone bright when she reopened them and she nodded in agreement, smiling sweetly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe this chapter is a little longer and more packed than previous ones - but I couldn't wait to reunite Sidney and Charlotte again🥰
> 
> Thank you ❤❤❤


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Work is crazy and I'm uploading this chapter before I'll head to my night shifts. So I'm not sure when I'll be able to upload the next one.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and thank you ❤❤❤

"I thought I'd never get you alone", Sidney said smirking when he saw her coming up the clifftop. 

She hadn't reached it yet when he darted towards her and kissed her hungrily. Though surprised Charlotte gave in and returned his kiss equally passionate.   
When they had to stop to take a few breaths Sidney pulled her even closer to him. 

"I have waited hours to do this. No, actually days. Since the day you left. Though I must say I was indeed very distracted by the children", he admitted while catching his breath. 

"See, I told you that I would miss you more this time", she replied and smiled warmly. 

"Miss Heywood, I can assure you that my nights were filled with thoughts of you", Sidney said in his deep tones and kissed the tip of her nose. 

Charlotte's mind went to the comment Lady Susan had made at the dressmaker and she felt flushed again. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable", Sidney spoke once he had noticed her deep pink cheeks. 

"It's alright. I was just thinking about something Lady Susan had told me back in London", she clarified. 

"And what was that?", Sidney asked intrigued. 

"I don't believe that is something an unmarried couple should discuss", Charlotte said shyly and avoided his gaze. 

"But we are engaged to be married. Charlotte, you can speak to me about anything. You must know that by now, don't you?!", Sidney pressed for an answer. 

"Of course. I just don't feel ready to speak about it now. Let's walk a bit", she replied and gave him a chaste kiss. 

They walked arm in arm as close as possible in silence. Stopping every now and then for a lingering kiss. 

"I never asked you what your thoughts were after our first kiss", Sidney noted when they stopped to take in the view. 

"I was so confused. You were so affectionate and I couldn't believe that you had actually kissed me. That you returned my feelings. And I was nervous about what would happen next. Would you propose? Would you change your mind and run away? What about you? You didn't say a word afterwards". 

"You made me speechless, my love. Tasting your sweet lips was like finally finding my place in this world. I was already planning how to propose and setting up the words I would write to your father. And after making a fool of myself while walking up I decided to keep my mouth shut. I wanted to avoid further talk about the weather and making you realise you could have someone far better than me", he confessed. 

Charlotte's heart felt like bursting with love for this man. She pulled him closer and reached for his face.   
They kissed and kissed, until Charlotte felt his hand moving down her lower back and gasped. Sidney took a step back instantly.

"Forgive me. Damn it! Our wedding day cannot come soon enough", he said hoarsely. 

"But look, the sun is almost setting which means we will be a day closer to it", Charlotte said softly and took his hand. "Let's get back. Mamma disliked the idea of me heading off alone. I believe she sensed that I would meet you. Let's head back before she comes looking for us". 

Sidney consented and they walked hand in hand back into town.

Two days later they were dining at Trafalgar House.   
It was the last day in Sanditon for her mother, Rose and Peter. Tomorrow they would return to Willingden. And after the christening of Victor Babington she and Charlotte would go back to Willingden too. Alison was thrilled for her sister and hoped that Charlotte would have the most beautiful wedding. She and Sidney were the loveliest couple she had ever seen. Even surpassing her parents. She wondered how Charlotte would spend the last week before her wedding separated from Sidney. Because he actually spent the whole day with them. He would call in the morning, be invited to lunch and dinner, go for walks with Charlotte and the children and somehow never leave Charlotte's side except for the night. Even now they kept exchanging looks and smiling at each other unaware of what was happening around them. 

"I believe my dear sister wants to announce something rather important", Tom said loudly to draw everybody's attention. 

He nodded towards Diana and she cleared her throat. 

"Beloved family and friends, Theodore and I have set a date for our wedding. It will be four weeks after Sidney's and Charlotte's wedding. We decided to have a simple wedding here in Sanditon and afterwards we will head off to Hampshire. Arthur and Frederick will reside with us", Diana smiled broadly while receiving congratulations from everyone. 

"A toast then ...to love and happiness", Sidney proclaimed while his eyes were fixed on Charlotte. 

"To love and happiness!". 

And while everyone seemed to be happy and joyous at the table Alison felt her heart sink. If James was only here too! She missed him so much. Lady Susan had offered to stay longer in London with her but after witnessing how obsessed he had been with work she didn't want to be a distraction. She knew him well enough now to be certain that he wouldn't rest until he had reached his goals. And while she loved him for his ambition and wish to create something new she hoped that once they were married he would settle down and enjoy being a husband too. 

"Are you alright, my dear?", her mother asked concerned. 

Alison tried to smile and nodded. 

"I can see the pain in your eyes, dear daughter. Soon he will be successful and then you'll be a happy bride and wife. The best things take time. Look at your sister, it's been a year since they have fallen in love and now no one could doubt their deep connection and devotion for each other. You'll have that too", her mother said while patting her hand. 

"Thank you, mamma. I'm overjoyed for Charlotte. She deserves the world".

"You all do, my dear girl", her mother replied tenderly. 

"What are those serious faces over there?! Are we not here to celebrate love and our family getting bigger and bigger!", Arthur called over laughing. 

"Yes! And I wish to dance later", Georgiana told him in a particular good mood. 

And so they did. After dinner Mary played the piano and Tom, Arthur, Georgiana, Alison, Diana, Mr. Milford, Mr. Frederick Milford, Lady Susan, Charlotte and Sidney danced. The first dances were country dances and reels with switching positions and partners. But when they were slightly exhausted Mary began a softer tune and played a waltz melody.   
The mood in the room changed immediately. And while Arthur and Georgiana still managed to giggle around there were two couples all eyes were on: Diana and Mr. Milford who were dancing rather shyly, and Charlotte and Sidney who seemed to have forgotten where they actually were. They stood together too closely and didn't lose eye contact. Still they did the requested steps and figures. And when Mary played the last tune they didn't let go of each other. Alison noticed her sister's chest heaving and Sidney's breath quicken too. And then he leaned down while pulling Charlotte closer to him. She was closing her eyes awaiting his kiss.   
Lady Susan clapped into her hands and made Sidney look up in confusion. Charlotte opened her eyes and seemed confused too. They looked around them and blushed deeply.   
Sidney let go of her sister. 

"Well, thank you for this wonderful evening. But I suppose it's best to leave now. Mrs. Heywood might want some rest and perhaps even a few moments with her daughters before she leaves tomorrow morning", Lady Susan said politely. 

Everyone consented and the footman was instructed to gather their coats and bonnets. 

"I will see you all in Willingden then", her mother said while she took leave. 

Somehow Sidney and Charlotte had managed to remain alone in the drawing room. Alison was standing in the door frame with her back to them but she could still see them well enough from the corner of her eyes. And when Sidney pulled her sister towards him and gave her a lingering kiss she had to avert her eyes and felt flushed. The passion they showed was infinite and Alison wondered if James and herself were to reach that stage of affection in their relationship too.   
A few moments later a red cheeked Charlotte took her arm and asked if she was ready to leave. Alison nodded and noticed her sister's red lips. Following her gaze Charlotte blushed even more.

"Please don't tell mamma. We just cannot help it. I love him with all my being", Charlotte explained. 

"My lips are sealed. Though, I suppose even without me saying something mother would know. After your dance ...well everyone noticed that Sidney was about to kiss you", Alison said low. 

"Oh how embarrassing! I had hoped that only Lady Susan had sensed it". 

"Did you not see Georgiana's annoyed look?", Alison asked and giggled. 

"To be honest, when Sidney is in a room I'm too distracted to notice anything else. It's like my senses are sharpened ...but particularly on him. I can smell his cologne and scent from yards away, I can feel his presence when he's in the same house as I am but not in the same room, I can hear his voice no matter how loud the crowd is around him. Sometimes I wonder if it will become less after we are married". 

"Perhaps you will get more used to his presence because of spending everyday with him yet I suppose the need of being close and your love for each other will always be the same as it is now". 

"I do hope you are right, dear sister", Charlotte smiled warmly at her. 

Finally the day of Victor's christening arrived. Charlotte had been over every day helping Esther and Lady Denham with the preparations. Actually they had planned a simple and intimate celebration but after receiving the prince's acceptance Lady Denham had insisted on having an elegant and 'princeworthy' affair.   
Esther hadn't been amused and disliked the idea for she didn't care a fig for the prince. Yet as her husband was well acquainted with him she had to give in.   
And it had been a nice way to spend time with Charlotte again. Two days after the christening she would leave Sanditon and go back to Willingden to get prepared for her wedding which was only eight days away now.   
Esther smiled to herself. Never had she witnessed a couple so much in love. Sidney had accompanied her everyday to Sanditon House and afterwards back to the apartment. And given the blushed cheeks Charlotte had had upon her arrival there had been a lot of kissing along the way. 

"So, Lady Babington, are we ready?", her husband asked while embracing her from behind and resting his chin on her left shoulder. 

"I only need to put my earrings on and then we can leave. Is the nursemaid already waiting with Victor? I told her to wait in the parlour", she replied. 

"I escorted them to the carriage and now only you and your aunt are left", he said while lifting his chin from her shoulder. 

"Go ahead, I'll be down in a moment". 

He let go of her waist and then he smiled softly: "You look so beautiful today. Motherhood suits you well, my beloved Esther". 

She smiled back and continued to ready herself. While watching herself in the mirror she had to agree with him. Her eyes were shining bright, her skin glowing with rosy cheeks and her hair was thicker than before.   
Once downstairs her husband offered his arm. 

"Your aunt is already on her way to the church. It will be just the three of us and Maggie then", he said while escorting her to the carriage. 

"It was very nice of you to give Maggie a new dress for the occasion", Esther noted. 

"She is our nursemaid and I wanted her to enter the church in a presentable way. I didn't-", he said defensively. 

"My dear, it was meant to be a complement. You are a generous employer, a wonderful father and a great husband", Esther clarified tenderly. 

God! She didn't recognise herself since her son's birth. Her emotions were playing tricks on her. Sometimes she would cry for no reason and sometimes she would ask her husband to tell her how much he loved her.  
And now that she noticed her husband's eyes glisten she knew she had exaggerated.   
Babington stopped, leaned down and kissed her most affectionately. 

"We shall be late, my Lord", Esther said after he wanted to claim a second kiss. 

"As always you are right, my Lady. Let's go! Victor and Maggie are already waiting". 

All their guests were already gathered and seated. The prince had kept his word and was sitting in the front row. He had a young lady sitting next to him. And Lady Denham didn't look particularly happy about it.   
What was going on? Yet Esther decided to put the strange feeling aside and enjoy her son's christening.   
She carried him while they walked towards the altar and Babington didn't let go of her back.   
Once they reached Mr. Hankins Esther almost dropped her son.  
What was Clara doing here?! She wore a very elegant dress and her hand was resting on the prince's forearm.   
Now she understood her aunt! What kind of person must one be to act like Clara did?! Surely she must know how unwelcome she was! 

"Well, now that we are all gathered we can start", Mr. Hankins exclaimed enthusiastically and absolutely ignorant to the strange mood between hosts and guests. 

Esther positioned herself in a way where she couldn't see her. This was her son's special day and she intended to enjoy it no matter what!   
It was a beautiful ceremony and her aunt managed to keep Mr. Hankins in check with her warning looks at him. When Charlotte and Crowe were named as his godparents and Crowe had to hold Victor for the first time in his role as such, he trembled and Esther couldn't conceal a smile. To see Crowe so insecure about something was pure delight. She hoped that he would be a good godfather to her son. Thankfully the prince had declined that position when Babington had asked him. He didn't want his people to believe he favoured anyone. She had been so relieved to hear it.   
Unfortunately politeness dictated them to stop and greet the prince properly.   
Though her husband tried to be as friendly and open as always it was indeed very stiff. And once everybody was out of the church Esther hurried to their carriage to get as far away from Clara as possible.   
Before she got into her carriage her aunt called something over. 

"It would seem Clara has found herself someone who's floor she can sully - and I bet the prince has many floors in his palace", she said drly.

Esther was still laughing when her husband embarked. 

"I fear he might have heard her", he said seriously though the corners of his mouth were twitching. 

"Even if he did I doubt that he cares. I cannot believe her audacity! How dare she come back? And today of all days!", Esther raged. 

"Had I known the prince meant her when he wrote 'I shall bring a friend of mine who is not unknown to Sanditon', I would have asked him to keep away", her husband said and looked apologetically at her. 

Esther rested her hand on his: "It is not your fault. Anyway, I shall ignore much of her and enjoy lunch with our friends. At least now my aunt might regret inviting all guests to lunch AND dinner".

"I believe she does", he chuckled. 

The rest of the day Esther succeeded in ignoring most of Clara. 

Her aunt tried the same though Esther heard her say to Clara when latter approached her: "I'm glad to see that your talents got yourself a prince... but rest assured, it is only a limited time you'll have with him. He tires of all trollops and always returns to his Lady Worcester". 

Esther couldn't help but turn to watch Clara's face and for once she saw fear on it.


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: thank you so so much ❤❤❤

She looked so happy and relaxed. Susan had always been a very unsophisticated woman. Very easy to please. Not demanding. Sure, she had some spunk about her which in fact he liked most about her.   
Yet ...as much as he had felt sexually attracted to her, it was different now. Last time she had visited him there had just been a kiss on his cheeks and it had been enough. She was still beautiful. But not enough to tempt him. And he suspected that she had lost her heart to Andrew Salisbury. Multiple sources confirmed the rumours. Part of him wished to keep her because he was the future king and he didn't want to seem weak by having another man snatch her away from him. Yet as a friend he wished for her to be happy. And if he dropped her first no one would dare to accuse him of weakness. 

"Will you simply keep looking at me or are you going to say something actually?", she asked him teasingly. 

He smiled: "Never beating around the bushes, my dear".

"You should know me by now". 

"Trust me, I do. Enough to know that you no longer wish to lie with me", he confronted her. 

Susan blushed and looked around to see if someone was listening to their conversation. 

"Your highness, I would appreciate if we could speak about this in private. Later perhaps?", she whispered slightly distressed. 

"No one is paying attention to us. And I'd rather speak about it now than later. I might be ...occupied", he explained while glancing over to Clara. 

"I must admit I am surprised you brought her with you. Usually you would only bring me to occasions such as this".

"Do I detect you in jealousy?", he asked her smirking. 

Truth be told, that was his intention. To see if Susan cared enough to become jealous. And if she didn't he would think about releasing her from her obligations to him. 

"Not in the least. I simply fear it might have upset our hosts. Miss Brereton and they didn't part in the best of ways". 

So, that's it then. 

"What do you know about her?", he enquired. 

"Only what Esther, Lady Denham and Charlotte told me. She is very poor and has apart from Lady Denham no significant relations. She lay with Edward Denham and burnt her aunt's will in the hope of inheriting it when she was believed dying. She plays the piano very well and ...her uncle might have abused her as a child", Susan informed him with a low voice. 

"Mmhh, she sounds like someone who deserves our pity. Someone who was desperate enough to act drastically", he felt sorry for her indeed. 

"That is one way to see her. If you wish to keep her close to you ...just promise me to be careful". 

"She would be a fool to risk such a position. But enough of me. I wish to speak about you. What will you be doing once I've set you free?".

"Excuse me?", Susan was obviously taken aback. 

"I shall like to maintain our friendship but nothing more. You seem very happy with your life as it is currently. And I was rarely part of it recently". 

"That is true. And I absolutely agree to staying friends. As to the other matter, I do not know. I have no plans other than getting Charlotte married and then hopefully Alison and Daniela". 

"And what about her brother. I expect him to court you more openly and then propose. Will you accept him?". 

"I do not know. Perhaps it won't happen at all. He is young and there are many young women who fancy him", Susan replied and was uncomfortable. 

He decided to show mercy and dismiss her. He wondered why she would let such an opportunity pass. Having a younger lover with a title surely wasn't the worst that could happen to her after it would become publicly known that she was no longer his mistress. 

She tried to hide her concern but failed. What if Lady Denham was right and the prince would soon turn away from her? What would she do then? She had no one to take care of her. She was all alone and without the prince she would be a nobody again. And Clara was tired of being no one of significance. She yearned to have a home and be independent. There was no hope of love ...she didn't deserve it. At least that was what her uncle told her the day she decided to stop pleasing him.   
Clara observed the prince and Lady Worcester closely. They looked so at ease with each other. In all honesty Clara envied her. She wanted to be his number one. Not because she loved him!   
Because she needed more security in her life. 

"I have to applaud you. It would seem you slept your way to the top. Chapeau bas!", Mr. Crowe approached her.

Ugh! She was not in the mood to waste her time with him. 

"Thank you", she replied dismissively. 

"I hope you succeed. Especially now that most gentlemen in London won't have you, at least not in the way you wish to be taken care of. You know, if you hadn't started to complain I might have considered marrying you. But I'm not into whiny hussies. I do favour saucy bitches but only if they are content with what I offer".

"Thank you for rubbing it into my face now. But as you said yourself I did better this time and moved up", she said vexed and turned to leave him. 

"Don't mess up this time!", he called behind her. 

She kept on her tracks only to walk into the prince.

"Your highness, I am so sorry", she hurried to curtsy. 

"I came to inform you that I'm leaving. Get ready and we will meet by the carriage", he said calmly. 

Never had Clara been as relieved as she had been in that moment. She nodded her consent an then hurried to ask the servants for her coat. 

Dinner that day was so much more relaxed after the prince and Clara had left. Babington was glad that his friend had offered to leave if having Clara at Sanditon House was causing too much trouble. The moment she had left he had felt his wife relax.   
Their guests had a lot of fun holding Victor, eating, drinking and later dancing. Though he had to make Charlotte dance with Crowe twice in order to avoid scandal. Sidney was absolutely lost in her and failed at controlling himself. He chuckled to himself. After Mrs. Campion had broken his heart he had been convinced he would never see Sidney in love again. But here he was ...and he was far more lost than himself. Even Crowe noticed it. 

"Have you lost your mind now? Laughing without reason?", Esther asked him. 

Both lay in bed and each one was reminiscing about the day. 

"There is a reason actually. I'm thrilled for Sidney and happy that we had such a beautiful christening for Victor". 

"Please don't remind me of Sidney. He made even ME blush ...and we both know there are not many things to make me. The way he looked at Charlotte, well I'm glad you could stop him in time", she stated. 

"We all already now that they share kisses. It wouldn't have been a surprise".

"No it wouldn't have been ...but just think of my aunt. She would have been very displeased". 

Both imagined Lady Denham's reaction and giggled. 

"Next time I won't stop him if only to see the look on your aunt's face". 

"There will be no next time. The day after tomorrow Charlotte will be on her way to Willingden. They won't see each other until their wedding day". 

"Oh no! Sidney will be in a miserable mood until then. So help us God!", Babington covered his eyes with his hands. 

"Then you should get some sleep to be able to face him best", Esther suggested. 

He removed his hands and looked over to her. Suddenly smiling softly. 

"With a beautiful wife such as mine I cannot think of sleep now". 

Sidney woke up early, his whole being yearning to meet Charlotte again. Although it was only ten hours ago that he had seen her. Yet every second apart was a lost one to him. He needed to hear her laughter, her voice, her breath. Needed to know that she was well and happy.   
They had already decided to live mainly in Sanditon and if Sidney had business to deal with in London or Antigua she would accompany him. No more separation.  
And today they were to tour their apartment for the first time. Tom had insisted on choosing one for them. It was his way of making amends. Hopefully he wouldn't mess up again.   
After a hurried breakfast Sidney went to Lady Susan's apartment. Yesterday he had lost control again. Twice. He was about to kiss her while dancing again. If Babington hadn't intervened he would have given in to his desire. Charlotte was simply too beautiful and whenever she looked up at him with her big brown eyes and a tender look he was immediately lost.   
As he was now. She had entered the drawing room and looked absolutely stunning. She wore a new dress. A dark blue one made of muslin and a white spencer. Although it was a simple outfit it suited her very well and it was only her blush that made him realise that he had been staring at her with his mouth agape. 

"You look absolutely stunning, my love", he heard himself say to her in a hoarse voice. 

She smiled shyly and averted her eyes. 

"See, I told you that the colour suits you well", Lady Susan chipped in. 

"It is as if the colour was only made for her", Sidney noted.

"Well done, Sidney. You responded exactly as a lover should do!", Lady Susan smiled broadly. 

"God! I might have to vomit", Georgiana commented and left the room rolling her eyes. 

Sidney ignored her and offered his arm to Charlotte. She took it though she still avoided his gaze.   
They arrived at Trafalgar House to find Tom standing in front of it waiting impatiently for them.   
It was still a little awkward between the three of them. Charlotte, as gentle as she was, had forgiven him though didn't trust his ideas any more. And so it was only natural for her to be nervous about him taking care of their apartment. What if Tom managed to chose the worst apartment?!  
Sidney's opinion didn't matter. He simply wanted Charlotte to be happy and to feel comfortable in her new home. For Sidney wherever Charlotte was it would be his home. She was his home and even if they had to live in a small cabin it would be enough for him as long as Charlotte was by his side.   
Tom led them to the new terrace and then they took the stairs up.   
Once they reached the top floor he gave them the key and excused himself. Sidney opened the door and felt Charlotte trembling at his side. 

He turned to her: "Are you ready?". 

She nodded and still didn't meet his eyes. He frowned but decided against making her look at him.   
They entered together and Charlotte gasped. From the corridor they could already see the window of the drawing room which was almost as big as the wall it was let in. And the view was stunning. It was the sea they could look on. Charlotte released his arm and walked towards the window. She looked drawn to the sea. One hand touched the glass and she smiled.   
At least one job Tom did right!  
Sidney was relieved and stepped closer to his future wife. He couldn't resist to put his hands on her waist and rest his head on her shoulder. She winced slightly at his touch and he could see her flush. 

"I assume you like the view". 

"Very much so! Let's inspect the other rooms", Charlotte replied and escaped his touch. 

Something was going on but he didn't have any idea what it could be.   
Charlotte would comment on each room until they reached the bedroom. Sidney had insisted that there should be only one. He did not plan to sleep even one night separated from her!   
The bedroom window wasn't as huge as the one in the drawing room yet it provided also a coastal view. Charlotte seemed mesmerised. 

"It will be wonderful to wake up to such a view", she stated and Sidney had to agree. 

Though he didn't mean the view out of the window but the view of her standing in THEIR bedroom. In about a week she would be his wife. Finally!   
She turned back to him and while he felt like celebrating their soon to be wedding and living in this apartment together with a kiss, she seemed like she was in a hurry to get away. 

"Wonderful. The apartment is amazing and I believe we have mostly Tom and Mary to thank for. We are done here, are we not? I shall head straight to Trafalgar House and express my gratitude", she turned around, looked him briefly in the eyes and then left the room. 

Sidney didn't understand her behaviour. Why was she eager to leave their apartment? Had she changed her mind? Or didn't she like the idea of sharing one bedroom? He had assumed she'd rather prefer it that way.   
When Sidney went into the parlour she was already gone. He cursed and then closed the door to their apartment. Once on the street he kept looking for Charlotte but he couldn't find her. He decided to go to Trafalgar House and see if she had already made it there. As soon as he arrived there he saw her taking the path towards the beach. Without thinking twice he followed her and soon he was close enough to grasp her arm. She winced again but didn't look up. 

"Something is wrong. Please, tell me, Charlotte. Did I make a mistake? Did I offend you?", Sidney urged to know. 

Charlotte kept staring at the sand.

"My love, you have been very silent since meeting me today and you have avoided looking at me. Are you ....do you...have you changed your mind perhaps?", he asked frightened now. 

If she had he would die. That he was sure of!   
Finally she looked up to him and then sighed. 

"No of course not. But there is something that is troubling me", she spoke low. 

"Whatever it is you can share it with me. Please, my love". 

What could be so troubling that she shut off?

"I had a conversation with Lady Susan about ...about the wedding night and what happens then", she said after while. 

Oh! 

"Of course I already knew about some details. I grew up on a farm and witnessed our animals ...mate. And yet I keep wondering what ...what you might expect of me. And ...I'm aware that you are far more experienced than me ...and I'm nervous to be honest", she concluded and kept her gaze lowered again. 

Her innocence and purity were so endearing that he would have loved to kiss her now and then. Yet they were on the beach and this topic something they needed to talk about and not just kiss it away.   
He stepped closer and lifted her chin to look into her eyes.

"Charlotte, listen to me closely. I am nervous too. Actually I have never been so nervous in my life".

She frowned: "Why? You already -".

"No, Charlotte. That was something else. Visiting the boarding house was just something to satisfy a carnal need. Yet with you ...", he sighed and continued: "I have never understood why it is called love making for it didn't have much to do with love for me. But now I understand why. Giving myself completely to you, my heart, my soul and my body. That is what will happen on our wedding night. And I do not expect anything, Charlotte. You set the pace. I want you to be happy, my love. And if you are then I will be too". 

Her eyes were glistening with tears now. "Thank you, Sidney", she whispered. 

After a few moments she frowned again.

"I still don't understand how you could be nervous. I have already seen you ...undressed", she blushed deeply while stating the fact. 

"Indeed. And you ran away, my dear. I'm still afraid you might do so on our wedding night". 

"I was shocked. You were the first grown up man I've seen in such a state. But no worries, I shall not run away a second time, Mr. Parker", she replied and smiled shyly. 

"Good. Because once you are announced to be Mrs. Parker I shall never let you go, my love", he whispered tenderly and both got lost in each other's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am well aware that it would have been scandalous to leave an unmarried couple alone but I suppose Tom knew he would just be in their way. And I didn't want to have some servant or footman stalking Sidlotte. Hope you forgive me the impropriety of that scene 😉


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with me and for reading ❤❤❤

The next morning it was time for Charlotte and Sidney to part. While she had been dreaming of their new home she woke up quite distressed. She didn't want to leave Sidney behind. She wanted him to be by her side forever. But she had to give in and let propriety reside.   
Since their reunion there hasn't been a day they hadn't met and the prospect of not seeing him for six days was just too much. Unable to contain her tears she let herself cry until her eyes were red and puffy. She left her bed sighing and got dressed. Her trunk with her clothes would later be brought to Sidney's and her apartment. Another smaller trunk was near her door and was filled with the few clothes she needed until the wedding and for the wedding. As her wedding dress still hadn't arrived Lady Susan promised to take care of it and bring it herself to Willingden.   
Charlotte left her room to have breakfast. The other ladies were already eating and drinking. 

"Oh my! What happened, my dear?", Lady Susan asked when Charlotte entered the room. 

And while she had composed herself back in her room she had tears streaming down her cheeks again. 

"Is it Sidney? Did he back out?!", Georgiana asked angry. 

Charlotte shook her head and took a seat at the table. 

"No, he didn't do anything. I just don't want to leave without him", she said between sobs. 

"Oh my dear girl, do not be sad. In seven days you will be husband and wife and you'll have your lifetime together! I'm sure you missed your siblings and parents. Allow them to enjoy your company as their sister and daughter one last time. They must be eager to welcome you home after all this weeks", Lady Susan said softly. 

Charlotte felt a pang of guilt. Lady Susan was right. Sidney would be the one always around her whereas her family would only see her if she visited them or they came for a visit. Charlotte nodded smiling and took a sip of her tea.   
She had just finished breakfast when Sidney was announced. He stepped into the room and greeted everyone else before looking at Charlotte. Suddenly he looked concerned. He hurried to her side and took her hands in his. 

"My love, what is it? What caused those tears?", he enquired. 

"Georgiana, Alison? Let's give our lovebirds some privacy", Lady Susan suggested while arising. 

The door was closed and Charlotte found herself in an embrace. More tears fell now and Sidney gently stroked her back. It took a while but his steady heartbeat, his scent and his warmth had a calming effect on her. 

"So? What is it, love?", he whispered into her ear. 

"You might think I'm silly... but I do not wish to leave you", she spoke low into his chest. 

His soft chuckle let her know that he had heard it.   
He backed up slightly to look into her eyes. 

"Believe me, I spent the night planning how to find a way to go with you. Unfortunately I couldn't find one. Propriety dictates what we have to do. Yet I try to remind myself that in seven days I can finally call you my wife and you can call me your husband", he said softly while tugging her hair behind her ears.

Then he touched her lips with his and soon after both were lost in a passionate kiss. They kissed like it was the last kiss they would ever share. And when Charlotte whispered his name hoarsely while pulling him closer he stopped instantly and turned his head away while still holding her in his arms. 

"We have to stop. You have no idea what you do to me", he said while panting. 

"I'm sorry", Charlotte replied with a sad voice. 

She didn't want him to feel bad because of her.   
He faced her again. 

"Why would you apologise? My love, when we are married you may seduce me whenever you wish and I'm sure I will beg for more. But right now-".

"I seduced you?! Just by calling your name and pulling you closer?", Charlotte wasn't aware that she could be seductive at all. 

Surprisingly Sidney started laughing loud and heartily. Charlotte loved the sound of it yet still awaited his answer. 

"As I said you have no idea what you do to me. Charlotte, I love you. I desire you. I want and I need you. Just standing in front of me and smiling gently at me makes me want more", he explained and she felt flushed.   
"Yes, this is seductive too. Watching you blush whenever I tell you how beautiful you are or how much I love you", he continued and kissed the tip of her nose.

Charlotte sighed when his lips met her skin. 

"Sidney?".

"Yes, my love?".

"Promise me to be there. Promise me to make sure that nothing will hold you back. Promise me that no catastrophe will come upon us", she whispered with a shaking voice. 

"Your nightmares will not come true! Even if the end of the world was coming I will marry you! No matter what! I promise to be there, I promise to take care of everything here in Sanditon before we leave so that no ugly surprises await us. I promise I'll be waiting at the altar for you", and between the promises he kissed her cheeks, her forehead, the tip of her nose. 

"Sorry, I cannot help it. Those nightmares were haunting me long enough", Charlotte confessed. 

"Once you are Mrs. Charlotte Parker I'll do anything to replace them with dreams of you and me and our future together", he promised before touching her lips again. 

Charlotte's heartbeat accelerated and it felt like her heart would burst with love, happiness and gratitude. 

Mr. Heywood was happy to have Alison and Charlotte home again. Finally the discussions at lunch and afterwards got more lively and he enjoyed the friendly banter between him and his daughters. Yet he knew that their time together was limited. In a few days Charlotte would marry Sidney and start her new life as his wife in Sanditon. Everytime someone mentioned Sidney Charlotte's eyes would shine bright and her smile would light up the whole village. It was endearing and it made her father feel calm and relaxed about the wedding. 

"You know, if it wasn't for that broad smile of yours I would love to keep you here with us and send Sidney away. But the fact that HE is the reason for that smile makes it difficult for me to do so", Mr. Heywood told his daughter on the day before the wedding half in jest half in earnest. 

"Oh papa! I'm going to miss you, too! You must promise to come and visit. Please! I know of your rule not to travel too far, but now you have a daughter living in Sanditon", Charlotte tried to persuade him. 

"That is true. Yet I can tell I'd much rather have you come visit us regularly than me leaving the farm", he chuckled. 

After his wife had returned from Sanditon she and the children wouldn't stop raving about it. He was all too aware that he would sooner or later be forced to visit that place no matter what. 

"And I'll gladly come visit. Though I suppose my brothers and sisters might appreciate the change of scenery. Sanditon is indeed beautiful", Charlotte told him smiling. 

He smiled back and put his arm around her while both stared into the water and enjoyed a moment of peace. 

It didn't last long because Kate came running and yelling: "Charlotte! Charlotte, make haste. Lady Susan is here and she brought your dress!!!". 

Charlotte turned to him and smiled even more than before. 

"I suppose this was my last moment with you as an unmarried woman", he sighed. 

"Certainly not. You are the one who will escort me to church and walk me down the aisle", she replied softly and kissed his cheek. "I love you, papa. And thank you for giving us your blessing. It means the world to us". 

Mr. Heywood pulled his daughter a little closer to kiss her forehead in order to hide his burning eyes. He didn't want to cry in front of her. 

"Go now, I can only imagine what kind of buzz is going on in our house right now. Thank lord, I'll be busy on the fields. I'll see you at dinner, dear", he dismissed her and Charlotte hurried towards the house. 

Tomorrow at this time he would lie her hand in Sidney's and pray that his girl would have a happy and fulfilled marriage. 

She looked so beautiful and Alison knew that Sidney would be left speechless and breathless.   
Charlotte's wedding dress suited her so well. And as it was September Rose and Peter had picked the last blooming wild flowers which were braided in a very simply yet elegant hair-do. Everything was perfect - except for Charlotte's expression. 

"What is wrong, Charlotte?", Alison asked her softly. 

"Nothing. All is well", Charlotte replied and kept on pacing the room. 

"Charlotte, please tell me the truth. Today is supposed to be the happiest day in your life and you certainly do not look happy!". 

Charlotte stopped and turned to her. 

"I am happy ...but also concerned. In my nightmares I also came this far. Sometimes even made it to the altar only to be then left by him. I KNOW Sidney loves me and I KNOW he wouldn't hurt me again but somehow there are still doubt and fear inside a tiny corner of my heart. Alison, I cannot survive another blow. Not after I have spent so much time with him", Charlotte admitted while her eyes started glistening. 

"Oh Charlotte! I believe there is no need to worry. He will be there and you will exchange your vows and he will put a ring on your finger and then you will finally be his wife", she tried to soothe her sister while embracing her.

"I hope you are right", Charlotte whispered and sounded defeated. 

"What can I do to ease your mind? We still have half an hour before we have to leave?".

"It's alright. I have to fight my fear and try to stay positive. Sidney loves me and I love him. And today it will be enough. Against all odds. It has to be!", Charlotte said determined. 

"Exactly! Now, tell me about your apartment. It is a pity I couldn't see it myself before we left and that you and I hadn't have the time to catch up with everyone else around". 

Charlotte and Alison took a seat and Charlotte described with shining eyes what her new home looked like.  
Until there was a gentle knock on their door. 

"May I come in, my dear ones", Lady Susan's voice sounded from the other side. 

Alison opened the door and hugged her tightly. 

"Well, if this is not a warm welcome, I do not know what is", she said while letting go of Alison. 

And then her eyes found Charlotte and her expression softened even more. 

"My dear, dear girl. I believe I'll have to warn your future husband that he might faint. You are beauty and perfection in itself", she said and kissed Charlotte's blushing cheek. 

"You are all exaggerating. I look nice but that is all", Charlotte said uncomfortable. 

"Nice is an understatement. But you'll see yourself what effect you'll have on the wedding guests. I fear I have to leave any minute for church but I was sent to you", Lady Susan replied while handing Charlotte a letter. 

"A certain Mr. Sidney Parker insisted on you reading it before the ceremony. It is quite adorable how nervous he is. At one moment I believed him to relieve himself of his breakfast for he looked so pale", she chuckled. 

"Sidney is nervous? And he looked pale?", Charlotte asked worried now. 

"Of course he is nervous. He fears you might have changed your mind or will do once you realise you could do much better. I tried to explain to him that you two are a perfect match and that you would never do that to him. He answered that he knows it but that he's still nervous". 

"Oh my love! I need to see him immediately!", Charlotte exclaimed. 

"No, you don't. You will read his letter and wait for your father to come and get you. It is time for Alison and me to leave now", Lady Susan said while putting her hands firmly on Charlotte's shoulders. 

Charlotte sighed and then nodded. She opened the letter and began to read it.  
When Alison and Lady Susan left the room they could see a tearful smile on Charlotte's face before closing the door. 

"Come my dear, I promised to take you, Samantha, Kate, Anne and Rose with me". 

The carriage ride to church was a very funny affair since the girls kept giggling and were very excited about their oldest sister getting married.   
Only Rose was sulky because her mother had told her that she wouldn't leave with Charlotte and Sidney for Sanditon today. 

"He was my friend first! I don't understand why I cannot be with them the next weeks!", she repeated whenever someone spoke of the couple. 

The younger girls had had the opportunity to see Charlotte's dress before Alison and all were stunned by their sister's elegance and beauty. Even Rose had to admit that she looked very pretty.   
When they arrived at the church the younger ones got off and hurried into the church while Alison and Lady Susan stayed a little behind.   
When they finally entered Alison felt all eyes on them. Yet her own eyes were searching for a particular face. James. He had promised to attend but she couldn't find him. Her eyes wandered through each row until she spotted Sidney. He was standing at the altar and talking to Lord Babington and Mr. Crowe. His shoulders were tense and he looked indeed a little pale. Lord Babington and Mr. Crowe laughed at something he must have said but Sidney didn't look amused at all. Alison couldn't wait to see his reaction to Charlotte.   
Suddenly she felt Lady Susan stiffening next to her. She turned and just got a glimpse of Andrew winking and smirking at Lady Susan.   
Alison squeezed her forearm gently. 

"I'll keep praying that you will find your happiness too", she whispered to her. 

Lady Susan smiled in response.   
When they reached their row they took a seat and Alison turned around to keep looking for James. Would he really miss her sister's wedding? 

"I fear he's not here yet", Lady Susan said low and patted her hand. 

"Charlotte will be here in fifteen minutes. I'm sure he's not coming at all", Alison stated and realised that he really wouldn't make it in time even if he already was on his way to Willingden. 

Tears threatened to fall but Alison tried to calm herself. This was her sister's special day and nothing or nobody should diminish the joy of this day.


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot begin to say how sorry I am. Work has been crazy lately with lots of overtime hours ...and that's not the end. Starting night shifts tonight. Please forgive me for the delay😔
> 
> Thank you for your support, for leaving kudos (1100+ 😱) and for all your lovely comments.   
> ❤❤❤

Four days prior

Crowe had to put his glass down and Sidney was already annoyed with him. 

"Sidney the dandy!", he burst into laughter.

"I'm not! What is wrong with wanting to look handsome for my bride?", Sidney replied vexed now. 

"On second thought you are right. She did run away after seeing you naked. You clearly have to dress up to win her ...and best blow out all candles before you consummate marriage. Just in case, you know", he kept laughing. 

"Easy Crowe! No need to mock Sidney. I'm sure it will be a lovely wedding day and night and Charlotte will be grateful that you put in some effort. And why should women be the only ones looking good on their wedding day?", Babington intervened before Sidney could yell something at Crowe. 

"I'm just not used to Sidney being auch a peacock. He usually wakes up and never cares how he looks. Of course he always was and still is a handsome devil! But having a new waistcoat and tailcoat made is strange. Yet I know you two are lost cases and believe a wedding is a special moment in life. For me it implies imprisonment".

"And THAT is exactly the reason why I chose Babington to be my best man!", Sidney replied rolling his eyes. 

"And that's fine! Since I'm going to be a lifelong bachelor I won't need one myself". 

"We will see about that. Sidney here, said the same. And then he met Charlotte", Babington smiled at his friends. 

Hearing her name made Sidney's heart beat faster. He missed her so much and was counting down the minutes until he would see her again. 

"And I couldn't be happier that Tom and Mary brought her with them last year and invited her to be their houseguest. Otherwise we would never have crossed paths. I'm very lucky we did. I cannot imagine a life without her", Sidney admitted smiling. 

"Yep, totally lost. But I suppose I should be grateful that you are happy now. After that Campion viper I thought I'd never see you smile or laugh again", Crowe said and patted Sidney's shoulder. 

"Thank you, Crowe", Sidney said sincerely. 

The gentlemen played cards and ordered drinks and Sidney made sure to keep his second coat fitting tomorrow to himself. He wasn't in the mood to have Crowe laughing at him again. After he said goodbye to his friends he took a walk along the beach and watched the sunset. He had planned a few surprises for Charlotte and was eager to see her reaction to them. Lady Susan had helped him with the first surprise and Tom had offered help with the second one - still trying to make amends. The third and the fourth surprise were still in planning progress but he was sure all would be ready just in time.  
It was really happening! The day after tomorrow he would leave with his family, the Salisburys, the Milfords and Lady Susan for Willingden. Lady Denham and the Babingtons chose to travel in the evening to avoid the sun which was still gracing them though it was September.   
As he had promised Charlotte he went over Sanditon's business every day to make sure that all was taken care of. And since Tom behaved well and didn't come up with more crazy ideas it was easy for Sidney to be in charge. 

"Uncle Sidney!", Henry shouted behind him and Sidney turned around to swing him up into the air. 

He could see Tom, Mary and the girls walking a short distance behind him. They must have been on a late stroll along the beach. 

"Is it true that we have to sleep only three more times until Charlotte will be our aunt?", Henry asked him excited. 

Sidney chuckled: "Yes, that is true". 

"I cannot wait for her to be my aunt. I like Charlotte very much", Henry admitted and made Sidney laugh.

"I like her very, very much too", Sidney said winking. 

Eliza looked around and found the sight quite pitiful. There was not the usual smoky scent caused by Lord Salisbury's cigars or the sound of Daniela's pianoforte practice or Andrew rushing inside after a ride and stealing a sandwich or two. Lady Salisbury was seated on a chaise longue and was all alone. 

"I see you are still enjoying your solitude", Eliza said after a while. 

"I do not know what they like about that place indeed. Though they must be now in that village where Miss Hayward is coming from". 

"Miss Heywood. And why would they go there? Is it a visit to make themselves acquainted with Daniela's future in-laws?", Eliza enquired surprised. 

"Perhaps that's also a reason yet they are going to attend Mr. Parker's wedding". 

Eliza didn't miss Lady Salisbury's smug smile. And while Eliza was truly happy with Lord Carstairs it still bothered her somehow to have lost Sidney. She always believed to be in possession of him ...now she was not anymore. And it was better that way, she knew it. Yet her ideal vision of him (which only existed in her imagination) was sometimes still haunting her. 

"I shall say I'm glad you let him go. He's far beyond you. You do well with the lord", Lady Salisbury stated. 

"Of course I do", Eliza agreed and put a biscuit on her plate. 

They had decided for a grand October wedding and she loved planning it with him. He was very enthusiastic about the wedding and adored her. Well and she enjoyed being adored. She even started to fall for him too and she prayed that he wouldn't be a disappointment as old Campion had been. After she had told him about her late husband he had said that he would have loved to kill him if he hadn't been dead already for hurting such a precious woman. It was all she had craved to hear. Having a loving and protective and caring husband would be nice. She smiled to herself while nibbling on the biscuit. 

Of all the days the prince had to choose yesterday to come to the office! As excited as James was for the opportunity given he was also concerned that he wouldn't make it in time to Charlotte's wedding. He had intended to leave two days prior to spend a little time with Alison and her family before the wedding but work had held him back. And now he had worked the whole night to prepare a proper and decent draft to present to the prince in a week's time. And as much as he loved creating buildings out of visions of his clients he also loved Alison and her family who would someday be his family. He couldn't let them down. He would never forgive himself if he missed Charlotte's wedding.   
The sun was just rising when he swung on a horse and hurried to Willingden. Halfway he changed the horse for he had no time to let it rest. He looked on his pocket watch and cringed. Only one hour left until the ceremony and he was still an hour and a half away from his destination! He put spurs on his horse and prayed he would somehow arrive before it was too late. 

Charlotte shed more tears and she witnessed his eyes filling with the same. 

"You are incredibly beautiful, my beloved daughter!", her papa exclaimed with a shaking voice. 

They embraced and it took some time for both to gather themselves. 

"I wonder what Sidney's reaction to your sight will be", he chuckled. "I've heard of men fainting upon seeing their brides for the first time". 

"Let's not hope he is one of them. I do not need any drama today", Charlotte spoke in honesty. 

"And there will be none. I'm sure all will be well", her father replied and kissed her forehead. "And speaking of Sidney: I'm certain he is restless to finally see you again. Shall we?", he offered his arm. 

Charlotte took it and he led her to the barouche Lady Susan had insisted on having for Charlotte. It was a ride of ten minutes to church and the closer they came the more excited Charlotte felt. Her heart was pounding firmly in her chest. Charlotte closed her eyes and tried to calm down.   
Suddenly her father took her hand making her reopen her eyes. 

"I'm sure Sidney will be a good husband. But if however you ever need space or time away from him you must know that you'll always have a home here. You'll always be a Heywood. One I'm very proud of", her father smiled at her. 

"Thank you, papa. Yet I'm certain that won't be necessary", she replied smiling back. 

"Very well then. But IF it is, do not hesitate to come home", he patted her hand. "Oh, we have arrived already", he added once the barouche came to a halt. 

Charlotte's stomach fluttered and she realised that in a mere moment she would see Sidney again after being separated for six days. And she would be wed to him today! She was still swooning over the letter he had written to her. 

'My dearest Charlotte, 

the past days without you have been a good reminder of why I want to marry you today. I am absolutely lost without you. Nothing fills me with joy and I merely exist yet not live without you. I cannot be without you. And while I never wanted to be dependent on someone I found that I enjoy it very much as long as it is you I'm depending on. I'm completely and utterly under your spell, my love.  
Today, it will be the last time I can say "I love you, Charlotte Heywood" for you will be (hopefully) Charlotte Parker very soon. So, I love you Charlotte Heywood and I cannot wait to finally share my life with you! See you soon, my love. 

Yours anxiously awaiting and nervous groom'

He had put two dry roses into the envelope too. A white one and a red one. If someone had told her Sidney Parker was such a romantic after meeting him the first time she would still be laughing today. Yet here he was. Romantic and caring and more than she could wish for. 

"Are you ready, Charlotte?", her father brought her mind back to the porch of the church. 

Charlotte was getting excited again with sweaty hands and a heart beating out of control. 

"Yes, papa, I am", she smiled happily and they were about to take the first step into the church when they heard a galloping horse behind them. 

"Please wait!", the rider shouted and Charlotte's heart froze. 

Oh no! So much for no drama today, she thought dryly and sighed. 

He was so nervous and felt like he might vomit. Babington and Crowe tried to cheer him up while joking but no matter what they did or say his nervousness would not disappear.   
His worst fear was Charlotte not showing up and changing her mind. Perhaps spending time with her family made her realise that she wasn't ready for marriage? Perhaps she came to realise that she deserved better?   
Stop it!, he thought to himself. These thoughts would do no good. He would have to wait and see if this was to be the happiest or saddest day of his life.   
Not seeing her the past days came close to torture. How he had yearned to meet her yesterday after his arrival in Willingden. But Mr. Heywood had made it very clear that he won't allow it. It was bad luck and Sidney agreed not to do anything that would jeopardise their wedding or future happiness.   
Yet he needed her to know how much he had missed her and that he felt incomplete without her. So he had decided to send a letter to her via Lady Susan. So this morning at the inn he had waited for her to come down and then had handed her the letter. She had smiled and had tried to reassure him of Charlotte's unwavering love and that all would be well. 

"Relax man! You are making me nervous too", Crowe said at some point.

Sidney squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. 

"Sidney, you two are so much in love and even someone blind can sense it. Do not fret. She will be here soon and you will be wed", Babington tried to calm him down.

"I hope she arrives soon. The sooner the ceremony is over the sooner I can finally have my drink", Crowe complained.

Sidney had made him promise to attend in a sober state. He was about to reply something when the music started and he turned around with his back to the entrance. He needed to gather himself before facing her. The love of his life. His excitement was almost unbearable.   
When he heard stifled laughter and chuckling guests he turned around only to see not Charlotte but Stringer walking in with a red face. He frowned and wondered if something had happened to Charlotte. He hadn't paid attention before to the guests, so he didn't know if Stringer had been inside and then called outside to an emergency or if he had just arrived from London. Sidney watched him closely and detected dust on his shoulders and his boots.   
He exhaled relieved. So it had nothing to do with a problem of any sort. Though Stringer seemed to be in trouble anyway for Alison didn't turn around to greet him. She had tears in her eyes and Sidney felt sorry for her. If this wasn't his wedding he would have gone to them and would have tried to solve their problems whatever they were. Alison deserved to be happy. When her eyes found his he smiled warmly at her and hoped it would comfort her a little bit. Alison smiled back while a single teardrop escaped her eye.   
The music which had stopped at some point started anew and Sidney became giddy. He turned around again.   
He couldn't believe that it took them so long to come this far. At times he had lost hope. But not today. She was outside with her father and would soon come to him. They would be husband and wife within the next half an hour! His heartbeat accelerated and it felt like it was stuck in his throat threatening to come jumping out.   
He sensed the moment she must have stepped inside for he felt her presence. Additionally he heard sighs of admiration among the wedding party and some children from the village even exclaimed "Wow!" very loudly which made some adult wedding guests chuckle. 

"You should see her, Sidney!", Babington whispered in awe behind him. 

He prepared himself to burn this moment into his mind forever and then turned around. His heart stopped beating at the sight of her.


	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long 😔
> 
> As always: thank you, thank you, thank you for everything ❤❤❤

Charlotte wondered why he didn't turn around and began to worry slightly. She still managed to let her eyes wander every now and then to their guests and she smiled at everyone.  
James had taken a seat in a pew behind Alison's and he still looked flushed from his ride. A quarter of the walk was done when he finally turned around and looked at her.  
His eyes glided over her whole body which left her skin tingling everywhere. She took her time to admire his new black velvet tailcoat too. It suited him very well along with the blue waistcoat. It had the same colour as the cornflowers in Charlotte's hair-do.  
How thoughtful of him to dress in matching colours. When they finally locked eyes his were full of admiration and hers full of love. The closer she came to him the more tears gathered in his eyes making her well up too. Her father squeezed her hand when they were only two steps away from Sidney. He let go of her hand when they came to stand in front him and patted Sidney's shoulder. Then he whispered something to him and Charlotte was surprised to see Sidney turn to her father and then hugging him. And when he started sobbing she was too touched and joined him. She hadn't expected Sidney to be so emotional. And now watching her father and her groom embracing and crying together made her sentimental.  
After both composed themselves and let go of each other her father took her hand and placed it gently in Sidney's. He kissed her on her cheek and then it was only Sidney and herself. At least it felt like it. He paid her a complement and she felt flushed.  
The vicar was talking yet Charlotte was focused on her hand that Sidney was still holding. Despite her gloves she could feel the heat that radiated from it. His thumb kept rubbing her knuckles in a most distracting way. No matter how much she tried to concentrate on the words coming out of the vicar's mouth she was too much under Sidney's spell. That was until he turned to her locked eyes with her and repeated his vow after the vicar. Twice he had to start over because his voice broke away. It was absolutely adorable how nervous he was. Charlotte tried to calm him with a reassuring look and a smile only meant for him. It seemed to work. His shoulders relaxed slightly and his voice became steady and tender. When it was Charlotte's turn she spoke calm and entirely to Sidney, forgetting that there were other people around. The vicar blessed the ring Sidney handed him and then Sidney took it back to place it on Charlotte's finger. 

"With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen", he said with his deep and melodious voice full of emotion. 

Charlotte felt her knees going weak and she had to hold on to Sidney's other hand very tightly.  
And then they were pronounced husband and wife. Charlotte couldn't quite believe that it went by without any incident (well except for James being late). She kept praying that she wouldn't suddenly wake up and realise that it had been a cruel dream.  
Sidney was watching her and she smiled broadly. He was her husband. HER HUSBAND! She would have loved to shout it from the rooftops. His lips twisted into the most bewitching smile and then he stepped closer. They were expected to leave for the adjoining room for the 'marriage lines' with Lord Babington and Alison but Sidney decided to place his lips on her forehead for tender kiss first. Though it wasn't common to show any form of affection in church she heard some guests sigh contentedly while witnessing Sidney's lovely gesture. Charlotte squeezed Sidney's hands which were holding hers now and she inhaled his cologne and scent. It made her feel dizzy and she yearned to kiss him properly. But that would have to wait for now. 

She was not of this world. Charlotte looked like an angel entering church. She was so beautiful with the flowers in her hair and the perfectly fitting dress. It were her smile and her loving gaze that made him so emotional. He had to fight hard to hold back the tears. She came closer and closer and it got harder for him not to cry. When she finally reached him he felt Mr. Heywood's hand on his shoulder and tore his gaze away from Charlotte. Mr. Heywood's face already bore traces of tears. 

"Take good care of each other, my son", he whispered. 

It was too much for Sidney. He was already incredibly honoured that this man entrusted him with the care of his precious daughter and now he called him 'my son'. It made Sidney feel the lack of his parents' presence today even more. He turned around to Mr. Heywood and embraced him. And then he sobbed.  
(It is safe to say that no eye stayed dry during this scene. The whole wedding party shed tears. Though Lady Denham would deny it later and Crowe would blame his sober state).  
When Sidney had finally calmed down he turned to his bride again. Mr. Heywood placed Charlotte's hand in Sidney's and smiled at both of them. Then he kissed his daughter's cheek and left to take his place next to his wife who was still sobbing.  
Her hand in his Sidney felt complete again. It was the first touch after almost a week and it felt like heaven. 

"You look so so beautiful, my love", he whispered to her and she blushed adoringly. 

He couldn't help but rub her knuckles while they stood in front of the vicar. The latter began with the ceremony and Sidney tried to focus on his words. He didn't want to miss the part where he had to speak his vow. It felt like an eternity before it was time for that. Suddenly he felt very nervous. Realising that he was about to speak the most important words in his life in front of his love, his family and friends and god.  
Realising that this spellbinding angel would be his wife afterwards.  
His emotions made him lose his voice twice and he felt embarrassed about it. It was Charlotte that made him calm down. Her smile and gaze were all he needed to speak the words firm and honest. Charlotte seemed to be far more composed than him. She managed to speak her vow confident and loud and clear. Her eyes never left his and his heart was beating out of control.  
After the ring had been blessed he removed Charlotte's glove and felt her shiver slightly. Goosebumps formed on her bare arm now. When he put the ring on her finger he heard her gasp and he had to fight the urge back to take her hand and kiss it and her arm up to her shoulders. 

"With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen".

He meant every word of it and wanted Charlotte to know that too. Her grip on his hand tightened and her eyes displayed so much love while they were pronounced husband and wife.  
After their ordeal it was somewhat surreal to Sidney to finally have reached that stage in their relationship. Yet looking into her eyes he felt the reality of the moment and leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead.  
She smelled so good and he let his lips linger a little longer on her skin.  
Though he was lost in the moment he heard the guests leave the church. It was time to enter the 'marriage lines' into the parish register book with Babington and Alison. The vicar walked ahead of them. 

"I love you, Charlotte. Thank you for marrying me", Sidney whispered humbly. 

"Oh Sidney", she gasped touched and pulled his hand to her lips. 

Charlotte wrote down her maiden name with a shaking hand while the other was still in Sidney's grasp. When it was his turn he only let go of her for a second to change one hand against the other. He signed too and then Charlotte received the document. This sacred paper was evidence of her wedding to Sidney Parker. She clasped it tightly and then looked up to Sidney. He smiled broadly down at her. 

"We are married", she whispered though more to herself than anyone else. 

Sidney chuckled, as did Alison and Lord Babington. 

"Let us be the first ones to congratulate you!", Lord Babington said and put an arm around Sidney's shoulder while Charlotte found herself in her sister's embrace. 

"I am so so happy for you, dear Charlotte", Alison said with glistening eyes after letting go of her. 

She proceeded to kiss Sidney on his cheek. "Welcome to the family, dear brother", she exclaimed happily. 

"Thank you, Alison, for everything. And I hope you know that whenever you need help or comfort or anything else you can always come to me ...to us", Sidney said meaningful. 

A tear escaped her eye now. She mouthed 'Thank you' and hurried to leave the church with Lord Babington. 

"I hope she finds her happiness", Sidney frowned. 

Charlotte observed him and her heart was about to burst. How caring he was. He took real interest in her siblings' lives and she loved him all the more for it.  
He caught her look and his eyes sparkled mischievously. 

"What is it, Mrs. Parker?", he asked softly. 

It was the first time he called her by her new name and she blushed. 

"I am still processing how I came to be so lucky as to have you return my feelings", she told him honestly. 

He pulled both her hands to his mouth and caressed them with his lips while replying: "Trust me, I'm the lucky one, my love". 

They stood for a while in that position. Charlotte enjoying the feathery kisses on her hands forgot where they were and stepped closer to him.  
It was the vicar who made each of them take a step back and who put an end to the caresses. 

"Your guests are waiting outside for you", he said with a firm voice but a smile on his face. 

"Are you ready, Mrs. Parker?", Sidney asked and offered his arm. 

"Yes! And are you, Mr. Parker?", she asked teasingly back. 

He smirked and nodded. They walked the aisle back and then stepped outside to find all there friends and family gathered. They cheered loudly and threw petals of white roses on them. Charlotte had believed that her happiness had already reached a point where it could not be topped yet seeing all of them so happy for Sidney and her made her even happier. She felt Sidney's eyes on her and turned to face him. He gripped her waist and pulled her closer while leaning down. And then she received (and returned) the first kiss as a married woman. Oh and what a sweet kiss it was. While both yearned to dive deeper into it they had to restrain themselves for their guests were watching them. Sidney rested his forehead on hers after the kiss and chuckled happily while their guests were applauding and cheering. 

"Let's go, I'm sure Crowe cannot wait to have his first drink of the day and the little ones must be hungry too", Sidney stated and intertwined their hands.

Slowly they walked past their guests to the barouche and Sidney helped her get in. 

"So my love, lead the way. Will it be straight to home or are we taking a little detour to enjoy each other's company. Just the two of us?". 

His bright smile and the way he spoke of her parent's house as home were mesmerising.  
When she didn't answer he looked at her concerned. 

"Charlotte?".

"Detour", was all she could say and his relieved laugh made her smile. 

She told him the direction to a beautiful wildflower meadow in the woods and when they arrived he helped her get off the barouche.  
Then they walked a few steps in silence before he let go of her hand. 

"Please stay here, just as you are", he said softly and stepped away from her. 

He encircled her and she began to feel uncomfortable.

"Sidney? Are you alright?".

He came to stop five steps in front of her. His head tilted he looked at her intently. 

"I am. I was trying to memorise this moment. Charlotte, you look like you belong here. With all this flowers surrounding you and the soft light shining through the trees which lost most of their leaves. You are so beautiful and I feel like an intruder", he explained. 

Charlotte hurried to him and took his hands. 

"You belong to me, Sidney", she whispered tenderly and before she could tell him how much she loved him he claimed her lips. 

Half an hour later they arrived at their wedding breakfast with flushed cheeks and red lips. Sidney's hair was even slightly tousled. The knowing looks and general giggle when they entered in such a state made Charlotte blush more. 

"Finally! I thought you left for Sanditon and forgot all about your guests!", Lady Denham crabbed.

"Forgive us", Sidney said and bowed sarcastically. 

During the breakfast he didn't let go of her. He was either holding her hand or had his hand on her back or waist. Charlotte enjoyed the fact that they were allowed to show at least small gestures of affection now.  
Her mother had outdone herself with the wedding cake. It was so fruity and moist. Charlotte was too happy to eat properly and so the two pieces of cake she and Sidney shared were all she ate. The whole village passed by to congratulate the happy couple and while Charlotte truly appreciated their kind wishes she also felt exhausted. She had only slept two hours and her legs hurt. 

"My love?", Sidney asked worried when she asked him if they could sit down for a while. 

"I'm fine. It's rather exhausting to be standing the whole time. We haven't moved a lot from our spot since we arrived", she explained and squeezed his hand. 

"You are right. It's been almost three hours now. Do you wish ...to leave?", he asked cautiously. 

"Not yet. I believe Lady Susan said it will suffice if we leave at three o'clock to arrive in Sanditon before nightfall. Unless ...unless you wish to leave?".

He leaned towards her and whispered into her ear: "The moment we were pronounced husband and wife I wished to whisk you away. But since it's customary to have a wedding breakfast I decided against it. Three o'clock will be just fine. We can take our time and say goodbye to everyone". 

Then he kissed her cheek. 

She knew that he would seek her proximity and she did not like it. The prince hadn't released her yet officially and she couldn't accept his courting unless she was free.  
Yet one look into his mischievous green eyes and she felt like a lovesick young woman again. 

"A wonderful ceremony. This was the first wedding where I came to witness the love of the bride and groom for each other. Absolutely captivating. Though I hope this is not the last wedding of this sort. Hopefully Daniela and Tony and Alison and James will have similar ones. Oh, and of course myself", he grinned. 

"It was a beautiful ceremony indeed. Though I didn't expect less of Charlotte and Sidney. Their love story is larger-than-life", she replied smiling and ignored his last comment deliberately. 

"Lady Worcester", Lady Denham called and Lady Susan had never been more relieved to see Lady Denham. 

This was her escape from him. 

"Lady Denham, I'm glad you could join us today", Lady Susan said politely when she approached the older lady. 

"My! Why would I not attend Charlotte's wedding?! She is the godmother of niece's son!", Lady Denham snapped. 

"I just meant to say I am glad you felt well enough to take the journey upon you. How did you like the ceremony?", Lady Susan tried to soothe her.

"Too teary for my taste. I shall say I'm glad you took Charlotte under your wing. I wouldn't have stood all the drama and ups and downs of her and Parker's relationship!", she commented. 

"Oh I quite enjoyed it. I loved having Charlotte around and I'm going to miss her dearly". 

"Well, I'm sure your other occupations will keep you busy now that she's married", Lady Denham replied and Lady Susan understood her meaning well enough. 

"Oh yes, Georgiana Lambe will be staying with me until she leaves with Charlotte and Sidney for Antigua. And Alison might spend a few more weeks with me in Sanditon", Lady Susan spoke nonchalantly. 

Lady Denham raised an eyebrow and grunted before she left to get herself another glass of goat's milk. 

"She was very rude", Andrew noticed behind her. 

"Are you eavesdropping now?", she asked him friendly but was actually annoyed with him. 

"I couldn't help it. I wanted to stay nearby just in case-", he began. 

"Just in case of what, Andrew? I might get kidnapped or I might faint or I might need a drink?", she asked vexed. 

She knew it was wrong to take her frustration about the prince out on him. Yet she couldn't bear his attentive behaviour and handsome face while knowing that she was still chained. 

"All of it. Yes. I want to make sure you are well", he said still smiling. 

She rolled her eyes: "It is not your task". 

Instead of finally leaving her alone he stepped closer. His green eyes locked with hers and her heartbeat accelerated. 

"I want it to be. I know you are not truly angry with me. You feel trapped and hopeless. But I ask you to have faith in us. I'm sure I can find a way", he spoke most tenderly and her legs were about to give away under her. 

Oh Lord! She was already completely under his spell. He sensed her weakening legs and offered his arm. 

"I told you, I will not give up. I want what they have for us", he said while nodding at Sidney and Charlotte. 

"Currently it seems impossible. And I do not wish for you to get hurt", Lady Susan replied and avoided his eyes now. 

"Then stop pushing me away. Let me enjoy your company ...as a friend and admirer. And when the time comes and you are free then of course as more", he answered and walked her to a seat. 

Lady Susan sighed and let herself sink into the seat.  
She felt overwhelmed by his words and by her own feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ring: 
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?q=ring+with+sapphire+and+pearls&oq=ring+with+sapphire+and+pearls&aqs=chrome..69i57j33i22i29i30l2.16825j0j7&client=ms-android-samsung-ga-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#imgrc=d3COiTqRQ1iBMM&scso=_1bfsX63RJ4KMlwTqyqGYDA10:259.6666564941406


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter ❤❤❤

He was doomed. No matter how hard he tried she ignored him and had yet not spoken even one word to him. They were at the wedding breakfast now and Charlotte and Sidney Parker had just arrived.

"Please, Alison. Can we go somewhere quiet and talk?", he begged in a low voice after he approached her. 

"What would you like to talk about?", she asked nonchalantly. 

Finally! She answered him!

"First of all I would like to apologise for my tardiness and I would like to explain-". 

"There is no need!", she cut him off. "You made it very clear that work is your top priority... then comes the rest". 

Her tone was cold and her eyes were filled with sadness. 

"That is not true, please believe me", he tried to take her hand but she turned away. 

"Ah ...trouble in paradise. Already? You are not married yet and you fight?! Well, Miss Alison, you should've taken Andrew Salisbury. Mr. Stringer might have worked too long for Mr. Parker and might be copying his worst habits", Lady Denham chipped in. 

James felt so embarrassed, especially since it couldn't be further from the truth.   
He needed to speak to Alison in private and tell her about the prince. Yet now with Lady Denham standing literally between them he had to delay the conversation and decided to seek her father out. He had greeted him politely after the ceremony but he had a concerned look on his face. Perhaps James could at least explain to him why he had been delayed.   
He found Mr. Heywood standing with Lord Babington, his wife and their son.   
He made funny faces and the little one giggled which made Lord Babington laugh heartily and even his usually cold wife was chuckling and seemed to take delight in her son's joy.   
James didn't want to intrude and stopped several steps away. It took Mr. Heywood some time to notice him standing there and when he did he excused himself and came to stand next to him. 

"So? How did you like the ceremony?", Mr. Heywood asked him. 

"It was very nice, Sir. I gather Mr. and Mrs. Sidney Parker will be very, very happy", he replied politely. 

"Yes, I believe they will be. And it is all a father could wish for. A doting and caring husband for his daughters", Mr. Heywood tried to take the edge off his accusing tone yet he failed. 

"Sir, I am very sorry for making Alison unhappy today. I never intended it. The fact is I was delayed in London because the prince came to see me. He has an order for me ...at least if he likes my drafts. I had to work day and night on them. This is a huge opportunity for me and I cannot let it pass especially now that I want to open my own office", he spoke hastily. 

Mr. Heywood turned around and looked impressed. 

"Congratulations, that is indeed very grand. Does Alison know about it?".

"Not yet, I had hoped to tell her but she is very hurt and we were interrupted". 

Mr. Heywood frowned and then he searched with his eyes for his daughter. 

"Leave Alison to me. Meet me outside in half an hour", he said and then was gone.

James wondered if her father could persuade her to listen to him. He really hoped he would succeed. 

Tony couldn't stop to smile. The boys he had grown up with all envied him for having such a beautiful (and wealthy) fiancée. And whenever he got a glimpse of Charlotte and Sidney his smile widened. Never had he seen his sister so happy. She was radiant and her bliss was contagious. 

"I guess no one of us would have made her so happy as she looks now", Emmett, a friend of his said to him. "I always fancied her. I see now why it never worked... apart from her not understanding me flirting with her. We were never meant to be together. That Parker is very lucky". 

"I believe he his", Tony said and chuckled when he noticed how smitten Sidney looked at his sister when she laughed. 

"I asked your mother if you could show me a little around and she gave her consent", Daniela approached him later with a smirk on her face. 

He offered his arm and together they left the house and strolled along the fields.   
When the house was only a spot in the distance she stopped and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

"Will you finally kiss me?!", she urged and he laughed in delight. 

Then he leaned down and touched her lips. He was surprised by her ferventness and he had to stop her at some point or otherwise he would have lost control. 

"I wish we could marry earlier", she sighed. 

"If you keep kissing me like this we might have to seek a special license", he said in jest. 

"In that case ...", Daniela's eyes sparkled even more and she pulled his head down to kiss him again. 

This woman would be his undoing!

"Daniela dear, we do not want to lose your father's blessing and approval. And I believe a special licence would be against his wishes", he pleaded with her though her soft body against his was very distracting. 

"Fine", she said defeated and took his arm.

They walked back together to find Charlotte and Sidney saying goodbye to everyone. 

Once in the carriage both relaxed and didn't let go of each other's hands. 

"I didn't have the opportunity before to tell you how handsome you look today", Charlotte spoke tenderly. 

"I'm glad you like my outfit. I had it made specifically for the occasion". 

"You look very elegant and I thank you for being so thoughtful as to dress in matching colours. I must say you manage to surprise me at every turn, Mr. Parker. I would have never considered you to be so ...romantic", she admitted and turned her torso towards him. 

She played with the curls in his neck and Sidney had trouble to concentrate on their conversation. 

"I didn't know I was myself. That is until I met you and realised how much I love you and how much I enjoy showing you I do". 

"Sidney! You should know me by now, I am not interested in presents or some such things. All I need is you and your love", she said while leaning closer to him. 

She placed her hand on his cheek and then her lips on his. The fire inside of him ignited more and in one movement he had her sitting on his lap while deepening the kiss. 

"I love you, Mrs. Parker", he said hoarsely when they broke the kiss to catch their breath. 

"I know", she replied in a teasing tone.

"I promise to tell you at least three times a day until death do us part", he spoke earnest. 

"That is not necessary, love. I do not expect you to do so".

"I know but I want to", he kissed her forehead. 

Charlotte sighed happily and nestled into his chest. Sidney sensed that she was trying to stifle a yawn. 

"Rest, my love. It was a grand and exciting day. And we won't be in Sanditon for two hours", he said low.

"No, I cannot leave you to yourself while I sleep. What kind of wife would that make me?", her voice sounded determined but also exhausted. 

"One that needs rest. I might sleep myself for I didn't get much sleep last night. I was too excited", he chuckled. 

"As did I. I fear I slept only two hours", Charlotte confessed. 

"Then I must insist. It is my duty to take care of you now and I want you to rest", he replied and kissed her head, taking in the scent of the flowers in her hair. 

"Thank you", Charlotte took his hand and kissed it. 

It took her only five minutes to fall asleep. Sidney enjoyed having her in his arms and so close to his chest. Her steady breath was comforting and soon he dozed off too.   
Two hours later he woke up and found his head resting on hers. A content smile crept over his face. He was holding his wife in his arms. His wife! If someone could die out of happiness he was sure it would happen to him today. Sidney pulled Charlotte closer to him. Soon they would be home given the view out of the window where he could already see the ocean.  
And when the carriage came to halt in front of the terrace their apartment was in he tried to wake Charlotte as gentle as possible. Yet she wouldn't wake up. So he descended the carriage with her in his arms and made his way to their apartment. He took the many steps up and a servant opened the door when he reached the door. Walking towards their bedroom he chuckled to himself. This was not exactly how he had imagined his wedding night to go: a sleeping wife and no caresses at all.  
Yet he had promised to let her set the pace and if she was too exhausted to keep awake it was fine by him. He would wait an eternity for her. After he placed her gently on their bed he took off her shoes and put the blanket on her. She looked even more like an angel with that peaceful expression on her face.   
He could have stared at her for hours. Yet he needed to settle in too. And he needed to check if all was prepared for Charlotte's surprise tomorrow. Sidney was excited to see how she would receive it. He hoped she would like the idea. He went back into their bedroom and put his tailcoat away. Then he loosened his cravat and sat on the bedside. He was foreworn too and he yearned to lie next to his beautiful wife. He swung his legs up and nestled into their bed. His hand searched for Charlotte's and when he took it she snuggled into him. The blissful feeling that overtook him was indescribable. He sighed in contentment and slowly closed his eyes.   
Soft lips on his made him wake up again. The sun was already standing low and Charlotte looked at him with sparkling and loving eyes. 

"I am sorry to wake you but the sunset is so beautiful and I wanted to share this moment with you", she explained shyly. 

Then she left the bed and made her way to the window. This beautiful woman stood there and looked back over her shoulder with a smile that would have made him follow her everywhere.   
And he did as if in trance. When he reached her he put his arms around her, her back resting on his chest. He looked out the window and it was indeed a wonderful sight. Yet what made it perfect was Charlotte in his arms. 

"Our first sunset as husband and wife", she whispered and kissed his forearm. 

The tingling traveled from his right forearm where her lips had touched him over his whole body. And the fire inside of him ignited again and he gave in and began to place soft kisses on her neck, her throat and her collar bone while his hands travelled down to her waist. 

"Sidney", she gasped and leaned more into his chest. 

A smile formed on Sidney's lips which were caressing the skin under her ear.   
Charlotte trembled slightly and he decided to give her some time to determine what she wanted now. One hand of his started to gently pull the flowers out of her hair and also the pins that were holding her hair together.   
When her hair fell down he buried his face into it and inhaled it. The flowery scent in combination with her own made him almost dizzy.   
His eyes found the beauty spot on her shoulder and he simply had to kiss it. As he did Charlotte sighed and then turned around to face him.   
Her eyes were fixed on his lips and he didn't need any further invitation. He lowered his head and kissed her with all the love and passion inside of him.   
He was delighted to see that she returned his kiss with the same fervour.   
And while he knew that she was his wife and he was legally allowed to let his hand travel all over her body he still held back for he wanted her to set the pace.   
Charlotte's hand grabbed into his shoulders and wandered to his throat to open his cravat and then let it drop to the floor. 

He chuckled and asked between kisses: "Are you undressing me, Charlotte?". 

The moment he had spoken it he regretted doing so. She stiffened and pulled a step away. 

"I'm sorry. I ...I just went with the moment ...and I really have a soft spot for your strong and broad shoulders", she stammered and blushed. 

It was too adorable and Sidney pulled her back to him. 

"My love, I am entirely yours. You may do whatever you want with me", he said softly and kissed the tip of her nose. 

"I love you, Sidney!", she exclaimed and claimed his lips again. 

Somehow they ended up standing next to the edge of their bed and Sidney having lost his shirt on the way.   
Charlotte smiled shyly at him with flushed cheeks and then turned around. 

"Would you please unbutton my dress?", her voice was merely a whisper. 

He couldn't answer for he had lost his voice but he obeyed her and opened the many buttons of her dress with trembling hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I love Sidlotte so much 🥰


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for loving Charlotte and Sidney as much as I do ❤

Alison let her father wipe away her tears and then embraced him. He had asked her to take a walk with him and she had willingly agreed in the hope of escaping James. Unfortunately he had looked so cute with his tousled golden curls and his pleading eyes. Yet she had to be strong and to resist him. All she had asked of him was a day ...Charlotte's wedding day. He himself had offered to come earlier and to stay after the wedding. And when he hadn't arrived the day before the wedding she had decided to go back to Sanditon with Lady Susan since he wouldn't be present to spend time with her and her family. So she had promised Sidney to help him with his surprise for Charlotte when he had asked her yesterday.  
How romantic he was and how much he loved her sister! She didn't wish for James to change or be more like Sidney! She loved his ambition and his work ethic just as much as anything else about him ...yet she wondered if he missed out on life if he kept devoting his life to work instead of enjoying it more.   
She wondered if he was going to hold her in his arms at night or if he will be spending the nights working on drafts and plans.   
All she wished for was a life with him. But one she was an active part of and not just someone pining over her overworked husband. 

"It won't get better if you keep ignoring him, my dear", her father whispered into her hair. 

"I just cannot face him at the moment. I'm afraid accusations might slip my tongue that I will regret ever saying", Alison replied. 

"I'm sure he has a good reason for being late. He's a good lad and I've seen how happy he makes you. Please, at least consider speaking to him". 

"Why is love never easy? Why can't it be like mamma's and yours?", Alison asked defeated. 

"You think our love was easy? Alison, love and partnership always require some amount of work. It is never easy! Yet the reward for your hard work is always worth it. Just look at Charlotte and Sidney. A future together seemed completely impossible and yet they somehow made it. Love conquers all IF you are willing to try hard!". 

"And what if only one party fights and the other one seems not interested in making it work?", she enquired with a low voice. 

"He does care to make it work. He loves you. Please, just listen to him and I'm certain you can sort it all out", her father urged. 

And then he let go of her. At first she didn't understand why but then she saw James standing nearby. 

"Papa, why would you do this to me?", her eyes were prickling with tears. 

"Because we both love you", he said with a pained expression on his face. 

She knew he hated to see his loved ones hurting or sad. He kissed her forehead and then she was left alone with James.   
He stepped closer but did not try to take her hand. 

"Alison ...I always knew that I'm not worthy of your affection ...and if you decide to end our engagement today I would understand very well why. Of course it would tear me apart ...but I am aware it is entirely my fault. I never meant to hurt you. If you can bear my presence a little longer I'll tell you why I was late", he spoke in a sad tone and waited for her to react somehow. 

Alison only nodded in response. 

He took a deep breath: "I had the prince come to the office. He asked for new buildings not far from London and wished to see some of my work so far. Then he offered me to present my ideas to him in a week's time. I planned to have the work done in order to be free to spend more time here with you and your family before I have to go back to London. If it wasn't such a great opportunity I would never have left so late. It is essential for my future business to have him as a reference ...if he likes my work at all". 

His voice died and his eyes displayed the regret he felt towards Alison.   
Alison hated him for looking so adorable and for having a good reason to be late. She was so hurt and angry that she'd rather had him be guilty of neglecting her. She sighed and let sensibility reign. 

"I am very proud of you that you managed to draw the prince's attention. And I do understand your dilemma".

"But?", he enquired cautiously. 

"But I dislike your late arrival. All I asked was one day. You are lucky that Charlotte is far too happy to care. If I imagine that Sidney would come late to my wedding I would be very disappointed in him".

"Yes, I understand", he said and looked down to the ground. 

"James, I love you. And I want to be your wife. Yet I need you to keep promises you made to me. How can I trust you with my heart, body and soul if you keep drifting away?", she asked him in a desperate tone. 

He looked back up into her eyes and stepped closer grabbing her hands now. 

"I love you more than you know and I'll do everything to prove myself worthy to you. Please forgive me this time, my dearest Alison", he begged and touched her forehead with his. 

Alison took in his scent and felt soothed. 

"Of course I'll forgive you. Just never be late to something as important again. Please". 

He exhaled relieved and then kissed her. How much she had missed him. With his lips on hers she was made aware how much exactly. 

Lady Susan was very silent during the ride back to Sanditon. Georgiana had expected her to be recapping the wedding. Yet she had seen how stiff she had been around Andrew. How stupid all of them were, she thought angrily. They all had the man of their dreams in reach and yet they decided to make it so difficult. Instead of just loving them. They had no idea how lucky they were!   
Well, at least Alison was reasonable and had forgiven Mr. Stringer. He followed them by horse and Alison was watching him through the carriage window. Initially they had another plan: to stay with the Heywoods. But Alison had promised Sidney to help him with a surprise for Charlotte and she needed to be in Sanditon the day after the wedding. How tawdry Sidney was. Of course Charlotte deserved the best and Georgiana was relieved to see that Sidney truly loved her. Yet he should have known that Charlotte wouldn't need gifts and surprises to love him unconditionally. She already did.   
Her gaze fell once more on Lady Susan. 

"Are you well, Lady Susan?", she dared to ask. 

Lady Susan looked up while biting her lower lip. 

"Yes, of course. It was a wonderful day and I will never forget Charlotte's and Sidney's happy faces", Lady Susan replied smiling slightly. 

"And what about your own happiness? Andrew indeed cares deeply for you", Georgiana decided to challenge her. 

"It is a delicate situation. Very complicated and for once in my life there is nothing I can do except waiting", Lady Susan spoke honestly. 

"Why would you wait? Write to him and make him end your ...your relationship rather sooner than later", Georgiana pressed ahead with the matter. 

"I cannot do that. I know him well enough. Despite us being friends he is royalty and was raised to be in control of everything. Sometimes it is like being with a child. He plays with a certain thing and if he sees someone else is playing with another thing he had long before tossed away he would develop a new interest in it. And as a matter of fact I am happy with the life I have", she smiled exhausted now. 

"Yet you might be happier in life with Andrew by your side. You are perfect together!". 

"Perhaps. Yet for now we are friends". 

"To me you are star crossed lovers", Georgiana objected with a raised eyebrow. 

Lady Susan sighed and shook her head in defeat. 

Charlotte woke up because some sunrays managed to escape the closed curtain and to warm her face. It took her a moment to realise where she was. She looked up and saw him peacefully sleeping. She felt his strong, warm arm in her neck, supporting her while sleeping.   
Her hand was placed on his chest. His calming heartbeat right beneath her hand. Charlotte felt her blood rush into her head again. It still felt strange to finally call him her husband, to be allowed to kiss him and ...and give herself to him. Her mind went back to last night and she blushed even more.   
She was his and he was hers now. After their ordeal it just made her happy that they had made it. A few tears escaped her eyes. Suddenly she felt Sidney shift and put his hand on hers while it still rested on his chest. 

"My love, what is it? Are you in pain?", he asked terrified. 

"No, I am not. I am happy. These are happy tears!", she said and moved closer to him to kiss his hand. 

Sidney sighed relieved: "Thank god!".

Charlotte couldn't take off her eyes from him. What a handsome man he was. Now even more than ever with tousled hair and a smile to light up the whole room. 

"Will it be like this every morning, Sidney?", she whispered. 

"Like what, my love?". 

"Waking up in your arms?", she asked and blushed again, averting her gaze shyly. 

Sidney lifted her chin to make her look at him. 

"If this is what you wish for, yes. Every single morning of our life together will be like this", he replied tenderly with a hoarse voice. 

Charlotte smiled and then he leaned slowly towards her and kissed her. She sighed happily with closed eyes and heard Sidney chuckle. 

"I'm glad you enjoy my kisses for I plan to kiss you every spare minute of my life", he whispered close to her lips before claiming them again. 

Almost an hour later they headed to their dining room to have breakfast. Sidney pulled the chair back to let her sit and then pushed the chair towards the table. Before he took a seat himself she felt his lips on her neck. 

"Mr. Parker! What if one of the servants sees us?", she chided him playfully. 

"It is all your fault, Mrs. Parker. I cannot resist you. As soon as I see you or smell your perfume and scent I cannot behave properly", he said sincere and got seated. 

When their food was served both realised how famished they actually had been. Charlotte was too excited to eat properly at her wedding breakfast and afterwards there had been no opportunity to eat. 

"So, I hope you are up to a surprise?", Sidney asked after they had finished. 

"A surprise? What kind of surprise?", she asked curiously. 

She didn't need any surprises. Right now she felt like all she every wanted was already sitting next to her and kissing her palms. Sidney. Nothing else but him. 

"Yesterday was the best day of my life. And I will never forget how you looked when you came walking down the aisle with your father. Yet I want to make sure that even if our memory leaves us at some point in our lives we will still have something to remember that day by. I engaged an artist to have a wedding portrait made. Alison will come over soon and help you get dressed and your hair done", he spoke nervously like he was afraid Charlotte would dislike the idea.

She just stared at him while her heart beat faster than before. 

"Do you ...do you approve of it? Or would you rather spend the day-", she pressed her lips on his to silence him. 

He relaxed immediately and pulled her closer to him, making her sit on his lap. They kissed with passion until they had to stop to catch their breaths. 

"I love the idea...and you. God, Sidney! You have no idea how much I love you", she whispered while running her fingers through his curls and then his stubble. 

"Charlotte", was all he said while his eyes filled with tears. 

His lips found hers again and this time it was a slow and soft kiss they shared. 

"I was convinced I would never hear a woman say these words to me ...and mean them. I love, love, love, love, love you, Charlotte, with all I my being", he confessed and buried his head in her hair. 

Later when Alison arrived she was relieved to see that her sister had spoken to James. 

"What a great opportunity for him! If he indeed secures the prince's order he will be the most sought after architect in all of London ...and perhaps England", Charlotte smiled into the mirror while Alison was taking care of her hair. 

"I suppose you are right. But enough of James and me. Tell me about Sidney and you. Was ...was your wedding night all you had hoped for?", Alison enquired and blushed. 

Charlotte blushed too and nodded. 

"It was better. Being so close to someone who loves you is overwhelming. But you will experience it yourself once you are married". 

"As long as James doesn't bring work with him to bed", Alison tried to speak in jest but her sister saw the pain and insecurity in Alison's eyes. 

"He won't. Trust me. In that moment it will be just the two of you and nothing else will matter", Charlotte tried to assure her sister. 

Alison nodded and focused on Charlotte's hair again. The flowers she had brought with her from Willingden were now draped into her hair-do.  
A gentle knock on the bedroom door made both look in that direction.   
Sidney appeared in the door frame and Charlotte's heartrate accelerated again. He looked so dashing and she yearned to let her hands slide over the velvet tailcoat and then rest on his warm chest. 

"I'm almost done", Alison informed him while he entered the room. 

"Alison, can you believe this angel married me yesterday?", he asked with a deep voice causing Charlotte goosebumps all over her body. 

Alison chuckled and replied: "Yes I can. Because this angel is as besotted with you as you are with her. I'm very happy for both of you". 

When she was done she excused herself and left. Sidney stepped closer and got down on his knees to be on eye level with Charlotte who was sitting on a chair in front of her dressing table. They locked eyes through the mirror. Sidney bent his head and caressed her neck and shoulders with soft kisses. 

"You should stop, love", Charlotte said slightly breathless. 

"Mhhh", he hummed on her skin.

"Sidney, the sooner we get the portrait done the sooner we can come back here and ...continue", she pleaded after a while when he didn't stop. 

Her words seemed to be the right ones though for he paused and then looked up with dark eyes. 

"I love you", he said hoarsely and then got up and offered her his arm. 

She was still weak to her knees. What was her husband doing to her? Would it always be like this whenever he kissed or touched her?   
They walked to the drawing room and got into position. Several times they were close to forgetting everything around them and were about to share a kiss. It took a few hours for the artist to have the outline of the portrait. He asked if he could come back the following day and take a closer look at their clothes to mix the right colours. They consented and the artist packed the canvas. Sidney went into the kitchen to ask if dinner would soon be ready.  
Charlotte stayed in the drawing room and heard the artist speak to one of the servants. 

"Dear me, I have never seen a couple so much in love. And especially not a married one! It will be fun to capture the essence of their deep connection and put it on screen. This might be my best work after I'm finished for I never had the opportunity to display such pure and deep feelings". 

Charlotte smiled to herself and went to meet her husband in the dinning room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this chapter was romantic enough for Valentine's day 😅 
> 
> I'll have to work on Valentine's day but I hope each of you will spend the day with their loved ones 🥰
> 
> Thank you for reading and for leaving comments and kudos ❤❤❤


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everything ❤❤❤
> 
> Hope you enjoy 😘

Alison slipped through the door and couldn't stop smiling to herself. She handed her coat and bonnet to the servant and went into the drawing room. Lady Susan looked up and greeted her with a warm smile. 

"So? How is our happy couple?".

"Happy indeed! I have never seen so much bliss", Alison answered happily. 

"At least until now. And when you are married you'll experience your own marital bliss with James", Lady Susan said encouraging. 

Alison swallowed. 

"Hopefully so. Though I fear I have proven myself to be a very unsupportive fiancée", she admitted and her voice was full of regret. 

"Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. As long as we strive to do better all is well". 

"But Lady Susan, it feels like I could do more to support him. I truly admire him for all he has reached so far. Yet lately I let my selfish feelings take over. He deserves better". 

"Perhaps he does. But that doesn't matter because he chose you! So stop pitying yourself, my dear girl, and tell me what you want to do to show him your support", Lady Susan said uncommonly stern. 

It took Alison a few moments to think about it. 

"Well, I can hardly go to London, have a look at his drafts and then be with him during his presentation for the prince", it was a hilarious thought. 

"Why not?! It is a wonderful idea! The prince is already partial to you and he wouldn't mind if you were there too. And it's an excellent opportunity to spend time with your love. How about we leave the day after tomorrow?". 

"But what about Charlotte and Sidney? What if they need-", Alison started. 

"Trust me, they won't need anything for the next couple of days. They will be enjoying each other's company and they won't even notice we are gone. I'll let Sidney know and you can inform Georgiana. I suppose she'd love to join us". 

Alison blushed and then nodded. Lady Susan was really something and she was glad that she could always count on her!

Sidney was still in awe. Charlotte, his wife, was the most beautiful and wonderful person he had ever met. Day by day his love for her grew. Something he hadn't imagined possible. Thinking back to their first night as husband and wife he had to pull her closer to him. She had given herself to him with so much trust and affection that it overwhelmed him. And yes, for the first time he had understood the term 'making love'. For that was what they had done. Their souls were already deeply connected as were their hearts. Giving in to the physical attraction he had actually felt towards her from the beginning was so natural and pure. Nothing like the nasty guilty feeling that would overcome him whenever he had visited the boarding house. Stop. He didn't want his mind clouded with such dreadful memories while he was holding his sleeping wife.   
He was laying on his back and she had snuggled into him. Her hand on his chest and her hair tickling his throat. Home. That was what Charlotte was to him. He kissed her head and listened to her calming steady breath. They had been married for a week now and today Mr. Garland, the artist, would present his work to them. He was excited to see the final piece of art and hoped it would be lovely. Charlotte didn't deserve anything less than perfection.   
Eventually he dozed off and when he awoke he realised that he must have slept for another hour.   
Charlotte was still sound asleep in his arms. He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose and then he slightly brushed her lips. Latter twisted into a soft smile. 

"Wake up, my love", Sidney whispered into her ear. 

She mumbled something incomprehensible and buried her face in his neck.   
It was something she tended to do whenever she wasn't ready to wake up. And Sidney absolutely loved it. 

"I fear the artist will soon arrive and it will not do to meet him like this", he chuckled. 

"Just a few more minutes", she pleaded dozily. 

Sidney couldn't object for he found her behaviour rather adorable and pulled her closer to him. 

After five minutes he spoke again: "Charlotte, indeed, we need to get ready. Or shall I send a note and postpone our meeting?". 

Finally she pulled away from him -not too much, just enough to look into his eyes- and sighed. 

"No, I'm eager to see the portrait myself. I'm just so exhausted. You are a bad influence. As a farmer's daughter I never slept as much as I do now. I used to wake up at dawn to get all the work done. Now I am merely the lazy wife of a gentleman", she teased him. 

"Lazy? Hardly! You wrote tons of letters and cards to all our wedding guests and to your family. You read to me and you listened to me while reading to you. And ...and you let me love you", he objected sincere. 

"It's not half as much as I would have accomplished in Willingden in the same time". 

"Yet this is our honeymoon and nobody works during honeymoon", he smiled and gently brushed some curls out of her face. 

"Perhaps you are right. I suppose I simply need to get used to it", she kissed him lingeringly and before he could deepen the kiss she pulled away to leave their bed and smiled cheekily. 

Smiling he followed her and both got dressed and walked hand in hand to their dining room. They broke their fast and then waited for their guest to arrive and to reveal his work. 

"I hope he's more talented than the artist who made the portrait of me hanging in Trafalgar House", Sidney commented gloomy.

Charlotte giggled and admitted: "Yes, the painting doesn't resemble you very much. Yet I was intrigued by it".

"I'm sure you were utterly disappointed when you saw my real face", Sidney teased now. 

"On the contrary. You look far more handsome in real life", Charlotte said and came closer to take a seat on his lap. 

He had discovered lately that it was her favourite place to sit and he enjoyed her closeness very much. 

"I'm glad to hear it but tell me, my love, would you have also fallen for me if I was the ugliest of all men". 

"Oh you were ugly. Your behaviour and demeanour were so unappealing even your handsome face couldn't diminish the resentment I felt towards you. Especially after I apologised and you still chose to be cruel". 

He buried his head in her hair. Ashamed of his past behaviour. 

"I told you I was a brute at that time. But you made me better in every possible way. Thank you, my love", he said in a low deep voice and kissed her forehead most tenderly. 

"You know, now that you let yourself be vulnerable and show your true good nature ...you are incredibly irresistible", Charlotte whispered before she kissed him softly. 

Hearing his wife say she considered him irresistible spurred on his love and desire for her. He returned her kiss most fervently.   
And it was only a knock on the door that made them stop. Both panting heavily looked up to see who disturbed them. Charlotte didn't bother to leave his lap and he smiled upon that.   
It was a servant who informed them of the artist's arrival. 

"Thank you, Annie. We will join him in the drawing room momentarily", Charlotte said and was about to stand up. 

Their servant, Annie, had blushed when she had realised that she might have interrupted something rather intimate. 

"Forgive me, ma'am, but he insisted that he'd like to get prepared for his display first. Shall I inform you when he's ready?", Annie stuttered. 

"Oh, alright. Yes, you shall. Thank you", Charlotte dismissed her. 

Annie left the room hastily and closed the door. 

"So? Where were we?", Charlotte turned to him smirking. 

"You telling me I am irresistible", he whispered and kissed her cheek. 

"Ah yes. Perhaps I should have kept that to myself. I wouldn't want you to believe you are flawless", she replied teasingly. 

"Charlotte, I'm a great deal less than perfect, you made me all too aware of that", he repeated what he had told her many, many months ago. 

Charlotte gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. 

"Oh Sidney, you have no idea what you put me through that day. I was hurt that she was with you. I was surprised that you wanted to row with me alone. I was ready to let you kiss me on that boat. Then you hurt me again with your words in the tent, agreeing with her. And at last I was confused because I really didn't understand why you would say such lovely words to me and then just leave. 'That is all'. Who says that to someone after somehow declaring you have feelings towards that person?!", Charlotte admitted with a sad smile. 

"My love, I was as confused as you were. Perhaps even more. I believed myself in love with her for a very long time. Seeing her again made the heartbroken young man in me come alive again ...only to realise that I had changed too much and that her disdainful attitude towards everybody who's not a member of the ton was most wretched. That day I realised that I had lost my heart to you. I felt so comfortable with you on the boat. And god, I wanted to kiss you so badly. I was about to lean towards you and just do it when she appeared and ruined everything! After that I meant to show you that I was on your side, that I would rather sit with you somewhere quiet and read books instead of listening or sharing gossip. Well, that totally backfired. After I heard you wish Stringer good luck but ignoring me my jealousy was spurred on. I needed to win the race against him to make you admire ME, to make you love ME. We both know how that ended. But it was Stringer who gave me a hint, who made me hope that you could eventually return my feelings somehow. I talked to Eliza and told her that I would never be the same man again and therefore would never have the same feelings for her. She left and I spent hours in my hotel room contemplating how to win your precious heart, how to tell you that I love you, how to show you that I would do anything to be with you". 

Both looked at each other with glistening eyes. 

"Well, I can assure you, you spoke very well. You touched my heart and left me speech- and breathless", his beautiful wife whispered before kissing his cheek. 

"And I am still wondering how you could fall in love with me at all", he truly wanted to know. 

"Beneath all those layers of arrogance and aloofness, I detected a kind and loyal heart. Also seeing you emerging naked from the sea might have helped a little", Charlotte added the last sentence with a smirk. 

Sidney couldn't hold back and laughed heartily. He was shaking with laughter and had to hold Charlotte with both his hands to prevent her from slipping down his lap. 

"You are rather cheeky today, my dear Charlotte", he said chuckling and nuzzled her nose. 

"I'm comfortable with you and my role as your wife. That is why I'm so outspoken", she replied and Sidney sensed her apologetic tone. 

"I love it. And speaking of love, I haven't told you today. I love you, Charlotte", he tried to speak as tenderly as possible. 

Charlotte placed her hands gently on his cheeks and looked him deep into the eyes. 

"I cannot believe you still stick to your promise. You do not have to tell me many times a day. I can feel your love for me. It is in the way you look at me, the way you speak to me, the way you touch me. All I can hope is that you feel loved too though I do not tell you in words as often as you do", she commented while rubbing his stubble and biting her lower lip. 

Her soft hands on his cheeks, her lower lip and her words distracted him immensely. How could someone be unknowingly so alluring?   
His mind trailed off and all he knew was that he needed to feel her lips on his. He leaned towards her and claimed her lips.   
Charlotte's hands left his cheeks and came to rest on his shoulders.   
Again they were disturbed by a knock on the door. 

"Perhaps we should teach our servants a lesson in timing", he growled for he really did not want to let go of her. 

"Oh, I'd say their timing is impeccable. We both know where kisses of that sort lead to", she objected while standing up.   
"Come on, I cannot wait to see our portrait", she took his hand and pulled him with her. 

"Alright, alright", he chuckled and followed her lead. 

She was curious to see the portrait and dragged Sidney along. When they entered the drawing room Mr. Garland smiled broadly and asked them to take a seat in front of the covered canvas which was leaning against the mantelpiece.   
They did as asked and Charlotte did not let go of Sidney's hand. He was drawing circles with his thumb on the back of her hand. 

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Parker, it was my pleasure to put your undeniable love for each other on a canvas. I hope you'll like the painting as much as I do", Mr. Garland slowly pulled the cover away. 

When Charlotte's eyes fell on the portrait she gasped and grasped Sidney's hand very tight. She heard him swallow hard next to her.   
She took in every detail and then the tears escaped her eyes. She turned to see Sidney's reaction to the painting. His eyes were glued to it and his lips were parted as if he wanted to say something. 

"Mr. Garland, this is absolutely stunning! I love it. You are so talented", Charlotte told the artist. 

He in return blushed and bowed his head. 

"I had the perfect couple in front of me and I tried my best to do both of you and your love justice", he confessed. 

"You did! Looking at this makes me relive our wedding day very vividly. This is exactly what I had hoped for! There will be a bonus for you, Sir", Sidney seemed to have regained his voice. 

"Thank you very much, Mr. and Mrs. Parker. And if you ever wish to have another portrait, please let me know. It would be an honour to paint you again", Mr. Garland said and then left. 

"Indeed it's perfect!", Charlotte exclaimed and stood to step closer to the painting. 

"Yes, absolutely. I regret that I didn't ask him to make a much smaller copy on paper so that I could take it with me everywhere", Sidney replied deep in thoughts while he came to stand next to her. 

Charlotte made a note in her mind to send word to Mr. Garland in the morning. If a small copy was what Sidney wished for he should have it. It would be a perfect gift for their first wedding anniversary.   
She snuggled into her husband's chest and both kept staring at the portrait and reliving the wonderful emotions their wedding day and this perfect portrait evoked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said before, I love, love, love Sidlotte so much 🥰


	83. Chapter 83

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long 😔
> 
> Thank you for reading ❤❤❤

James was still processing that his wonderful fiancée had come to his aid. She was leaning over the drafts and added some notes; she was so focused she didn't notice his gaze lingering on her. 

"Did the prince express any wishes for the height of the building? How many floors should there be? And what about the front? I have some ideas how to make it look elaborate and regal. Oh, this is so exciting!", Alison exclaimed at some point and turned to him. 

Had she truly forgiven him? He knew he had disappointed her yet here she was. Supporting him and being her wonderful self. How much he loved her! He leaned down and touched her lips with his. Alison was clearly surprised but soon joined his tender kiss. When they broke apart he leaned his forehead on hers. 

"I am so glad you are here. Though you didn't have to trouble yourself because of me. I told you I'm not worthy of your affection", he whispered breathless. 

"Stop it, James! I want you to stop believing you are unworthy of me. I have been very unsupportive which makes me not worthy of your love either. Why not agree that we make a good team and that we complement each other perfectly in all our strengths and weaknesses?". 

He answered her with another kiss. 

"I can see now how hard it must have been for you to come to Willingden at all. I've been here for merely twenty minutes and I already got carried away. It is so much fun to create something. I'm sorry for judging you harshly. I'll strive to do better", she said after a while. 

"Indeed it is, yet I had my beautiful fiancée waiting for me and I cannot forgive myself for-".

"James, it's water under the bridge! Let's focus on the task at hand", Alison interrupted him. 

He smiled at her for he liked her way to approach matters and both got back to work. 

She had sensed that he would play with her a bit before deciding ultimately. Susan sighed and put the note away. This was indeed a precarious situation. If she rebelled against him his grip on her would only tighten. And if she did nothing she would feel like giving up. Something she was not used to do!  
Thankfully the girls had already retreated to their rooms and she called for her maid to get dressed quickly. She had no choice but to go. Though she wondered why he didn't summon her during daylight. Especially after he had implied that he wasn't sexually interested in her anymore. It would have been less suspicious than heading to his quarters late at night. But alas this was the way he wanted it.   
Susan exited Melrose Place and discovered someone leaning against one of the pillars. 

"Off to see your friend? Convey my greetings and tell him I'll pay him a visit soon", came Andrew's voice out of the dark. He sounded drunk. 

"Are you spying on me now?", Susan asked slightly annoyed. 

"I found myself thinking endlessly of you and after a few drinks I was standing here. I have no idea how I got here", he chuckled. 

"Go home, Andrew", Susan said softly. 

"Oh no, I'll wait here until you're back. I want to be certain that you are back home safely", he objected. 

"I'm not even sure I'll be back this night. The meeting might take until morning", she confessed and blushed.

It felt strange to tell your heart's desire that you might spend the night with someone else. 

"Oh!", Andrew gasped and came closer.   
"I don't like the idea of him touching you! When will you finally be mine", he exclaimed louder. 

"Hush! Don't raise your voice. Someone might hear you. Please, Andrew, go home and rest. You can come back tomorrow and have dinner with me and the girls", she tried to stay diplomatic. 

He seemed to think about it for his brow furrowed. Then he smiled devilishly and suddenly pressed her against the other pillar.   
Without further warning he pressed his lips on hers and kissed her most passionately. Despite his fervour there was also affection and respect in his kiss. Susan had to admit that he was a skilled kisser and that she lost herself too in the kiss. When he pulled back he took her hand and kissed it. 

"I've been dying to do this for quite a while now. I'm sorry I didn't ask your permission first. Please, don't forget you have a loving heart waiting for you", his voice was hoarse and his eyes teary. 

He kissed the other hand, bowed and then walked away. Susan couldn't say how long it took her to compose herself. His kiss and words had left her weak on her knees and speechless.   
It felt so good to be adored and she cried on her way to the prince.   
For God's sake she needed to get herself together! No one should ever see her tears! And especially not the Prince Regent!!!   
Upon her arrival she had regained her countenance and was ready to face the prince. Of course he made her wait. She paced the room she was led to and kept praying that he was in a good mood. After what felt like an eternity she heard him enter the room. He came very close and than kissed her cheek. Inside she flinched...outside she maintained decorum and just smiled. 

"Good evening, dearest Susan. What is it that brought you here today?", he asked while he took a seat with a glass of Brandy in his hand. 

She had to suppress a snort. 

"I wouldn't know. It was your note that made me come", she replied smiling. 

"Well, I cannot remember what it was. Yet now that you are already here, we might as well have a little fun, don't you think?", he licked his lips. 

He was testing her and for the first time ever she didn't know how to react.   
This time it wasn't just about her, she would drag Andrew down with her if she evoked the prince's disgrace. 

"I believed you yearned for fresh and young flesh. What happened to Miss Brereton?".

"Oh rest assured, she's waiting for me in the blue bedroom. But it is never wrong to keep one's options open". 

"I see. What is it you expect of me exactly?", she gulped and started to feel slightly dizzy. 

"To be obedient", he smirked. 

"May I sit down first, I do not feel well", she admitted and took a seat without waiting for his answer. 

Just the thought of lying with him made her nauseous. Her dizziness was persistent and she tried to regain her countenance by breathing deeply in and out. Then she heard the prince laughing. Very loud and heartily. It made her furious that he was amused by her current state. She glared at him but he held his hands up in a defensive gesture. 

"Do not look at me like that, Susan. Actually I should be insulted by your reaction. I do recall a time where you enjoyed lying with me and now it is making you sick. Look, I do not wish to be with you either. But I cannot release you yet. I need some time to introduce Clara Brereton properly. I was thinking of a ball. All of London's ton should be invited to witness my new lady and you should take Salisbury's son with you. Everyone would see then that sexually we are going separate ways now. We could dance one dance to confirm our maintaining friendship and respect for each other. What say you?", he explained. 

Relief flooded Susan's body and she felt tears prickling in the corners of her eyes. So, he had been teasing her! What a rascal! 

"I like your idea very much, your royal highness. I believe as soon as everything is arranged I'll receive an invitation?".

"Yes, you will. But it might take some weeks until we are ready". 

Lady Susan bowed her head in consent, still astonished. She was dismissed and headed home. In her bed she smiled to herself for being a free woman soon.   
The next day Susan, Alison and Georgiana discussed during breakfast how long they would stay in London and what wedding presents to buy for Diana Parker. Georgiana expressed that Mr. Milford and Diana would be delighted to receive something that would remedy their various ailments. So they decided to have a big trunk prepared with the most useful herbs and tinctures. It was settled that they would leave in two hours to buy all they needed.   
Susan left for her study to answer some business letters and the girls decided to take a walk in Regent's Park.   
An hour later a visitor was announced and Susan asked to receive him in her study. 

"Suffering from a little headache, are we not?", Susan greeted Andrew who looked pale and had dark circles under his eyes. 

"You witnessed my shameful behaviour last night. And I came to apologise", he justified his visit.

"And what exactly is it you are apologising for?", Susan sought clarification. 

Perhaps he hadn't enjoyed the kiss and he had realised (after sobering up) his feelings were merely a boyish fantasy.   
She held her breath while she awaited his answer. 

"I apologise for kissing you without seeking your permission first. I had intended to be the perfect gentleman...but alas! I'm sorry, Susan. Next time I'll ask first", he said blushing. 

"Next time?", she asked slightly taken aback. 

"Yes, I told you I'm not giving up on you. Especially not after I had the pleasure of kissing you", he grinned. 

"So you are really determined to court me?".

"Yes, my intentions are honourable. I wish I knew the prince's were too", he spoke the last sentence through gritted teeth and clenched his fists. 

"He behaved well. In fact I had a very pleasant conversation with him. He will set me free indeed. Yet we must be a little patient. Clara Brereton needs a proper introduction to his social circle. He's planning a ball which you and I will have to attend too. If you are still interested in courting me by then", she informed him and waited for his reaction. 

He stood still and kept staring at her. Then he passed her desk and embraced her tightly before whirling her around. She laughed and held on to him. 

"Susan! This is wonderful! Of course I'll attend his ball with you", he leaned a little back to look into her face and then gulped.   
"May I please kiss you now?". 

She smiled broadly and then nodded. 

Charlotte chuckled while reading a letter she had received this morning and Sidney looked up from his correspondence. 

"Anything funny you'd like to share with your loving husband?", he asked playfully. 

"I suppose over honeymoon will be over sooner than expected", she answered smiling. 

"Why? And why are you happy about it?", Sidney was confused. 

"Because the way our friends ask to come and see us is very adorable. Here, see for yourself", Charlotte came over and took a seat on his lap while handing him the letter. 

It said: 

'Dearest aunt Charlotte, 

I hope you and your husband are fine and that you had a wonderful honeymoon so far. I'm writing to you on behalf of my poor mamma and myself.   
Mamma is quite certain she might lose her mind if she cannot talk to someone decent like you. Furthermore she is very concerned about uncle Crowe being too much around. One night he asked if I might take a sip from his flask in order to stop crying and sleep. Mamma was not amused and though uncle Crowe insisted that it had been a joke she doesn't trust him anymore and doesn't want him alone with me.   
And then there is another matter. Aunt Denham had been trying to feed me her ass' milk ever since. Despite mamma's objected aunt Denham had been caught twice giving me the milk. Mamma was so furious... even papa hid and avoided her that day.   
So you see, we do need you! Your good sense and calmness are exactly what we need to relax again. Papa said it's unfair to intrude so early and that he fears uncle Sidney will never forgive him for making him share his beloved wife with us. Mamma on the other side is confident that you will agree. She said that someone with a good heart such as yours will always come running, when someone they love is in distress. I hope she is right because I miss you dearly.   
Yours Victor Babington'

Sidney chuckled too after reading the letter. 

"What a charming way to make us invite them. So, when does it suit you best?", he asked her while handing her the letter. 

Charlotte frowned slightly: "No protest?". 

"I do know Esther and ...well, I am a good friend and I believe Babington needs the escape as much as she does", he replied shrugging. 

Charlotte smiled tenderly at him and then leaned towards him to kiss him. 

"Indeed you are a good friend. I love your loyalty and your kindness", she said afterwards and placed one hand on his chest to emphasise her words. 

"And you are the reason I am loyal and kind. I love you, Charlotte Parker", Sidney spoke in a low and calm voice before he claimed her lips and pulled her closer to him. 

They agreed to invite the Babingtons to visit them two days later. That would give them enough time to prepare properly for guests and enjoy their honeymoon a little longer. And they did indeed!   
Every evening when the sun had just set they would take a walk along the beach. It was very romantic to watch the sea while the moon shone and stars lit the way. All in all Charlotte and he had three weeks of a perfect honeymoon and although he would have loved to have her a little longer all to himself he realised that it was time to get back out there and to resume business. Moreover Diana's wedding was only a week away and Charlotte had offered to help his sister with the remaining preparations. The night before the Babingtons' visit he had trouble sleeping and although he had Charlotte in his arms somehow he feared losing her. Eventually sleep overcame him.   
He was closing the door to her carriage. The wind was hauling on the clifftop and his heart was bleeding. How could he let her go? Now that he had finally found love again? He couldn't hold back the tears and the pain threatened to overwhelm him making him feel nauseous. Her beautiful face was moistened with tears and her big brown eyes were full of hurt and sadness. All because of his betrayal! He was the creator of her pain ...and his.   
And then the carriage took off. Charlotte moving away from him and there was nothing he could do about it.   
He sank on his knees and the sobs made his body tremble. Never had he cried like this before. 

"Charlotte. Charlotte, don't go. I love you", he kept repeating. 

A warm hand on his chest and her gentle voice brought him back to reality. 

"I'm here, love. I'm not going anywhere. Sidney, wake up". 

His eyes fluttered open and her eyes met his, filled with concern. In his relief he leaned in and kissed her desperately. His eyes still wet from his tears. 

"Please, promise to never leave me", he said with a trembling voice. 

"Did I not already do so on our wedding day? You have nothing to worry about. I will always be by your side, dearest". 

He sighed and pulled her closer to him. Her warmth calming him slowly down. 

"It was our first goodbye. The one after my engagement to Eliza. On the clifftop. I haven't had that nightmare in months now", he whispered after a while. 

"Hush, dear. Stop thinking about it. I am here and I love you. Let's get some sleep before our guests arrive", Charlotte replied and gave him a chaste kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also thank you for your comments, I love reading them and appreciate you taking your time to share your thoughts with me 😘
> 
> And I cannot believe I got 1200+ kudos by now ...this is insane 😍 thank you very much ❤


	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much ❤❤❤

"You cannot wear that dress. How am I supposed to concentrate on conversation when you look so distractingly beautiful?". 

"Sidney, you said the exact same about all the dresses I had been trying on the past twenty minutes", Charlotte said and rolled her eyes. 

"I know, but this dress reminds me of the colour of your lips and it makes me desperate to kiss you", and to prove his point he stood up and did as said. 

"You are insufferable", she spoke in jest.

"No, just madly in love with my beautiful wife", he replied between the kisses he placed on her shoulders.

"Esther and Babington will be here any minute and I still need to find something to wear that is not triggering you", she said while she stepped back from him. 

He was about to object when Annie knocked on their door and informed them that their guests had arrived. 

"You go and greet them. I'll follow as soon as I'm ready". 

Sidney gave her a quick peck and then left their bedroom. Now she just needed to find a dress. She went with the white one she had been wearing various times during her first time in Sanditon. She had been dressed in it the day Sidney had paid her a complement for the first time. After saving old Stringer's leg. Surely that dress was a safe choice. It didn't show to much cleavage only when she bent over -and she did not plan to do so- and it was plain and simple. Sidney couldn't possibly be distracted when she was wearing it, could he?  
She entered the drawing room and greeted Esther, Lord Babington and finally little Victor who was all smiles and laughter. 

"Thank you for the invitation", Lord Babington kissed Charlotte's hand. 

"Of course! Though I must say I feel a little guilty for not being around when you needed me". 

"Oh my, only someone pure as you would feel guilty. You are newlywed and after all you've been through you would have deserved a year alone together without intrusion. Yet you chose to befriend someone as selfish as me and I had to ask for your company before going mad", Esther explained. 

"Is it true that Crowe tried to imbibe your son?", Sidney asked chuckling. 

Charlotte noticed Lord Babington who tried to motion to Sidney to stop speaking. Yet Sidney hadn't noticed until it was too late. 

Esther's face was flushed and she glared: "Indeed he did! And if it was possible I would have made him retire from his position and made YOU his godfather!". 

"I'm sure he meant it in jest", Sidney tried to calm her down. 

Lord Babington buried his head in his hands now. 

"How would you know?! He's always drunk! I don't trust him anymore! At least not with the care of MY child!", Esther yelled.

"Let's have some tea and Sidney can show Lord Babington our study. He's quite proud of our collection", Charlotte suggested.

Esther consented defeated and stroked her son's head tenderly, slowly calming down. 

"What a splendid idea!", Sidney exclaimed and jumped up from his seat. 

Lord Babington followed him and before he left the room he mouthed "Thank you" and smiled gratefully.   
As soon as the men left Esther leaned back in her seat and tears started to escape her eyes. 

"Esther! What is wrong?", Charlotte didn't know if Esther's tears were caused by her anger or if something else had occurred. 

"I'm sorry, Charlotte. I tried to be strong. Indeed I did. Yet I cannot hide my state anymore", she replied between sobs. 

"Please, confide in me. I want to help you", Charlotte took her friend's hand.

"It is so exhausting to be a mother. The lack of sleep, the constant fear of failing, the constant fear that something might happen to him. And then there are Crowe and my aunt who are not helping at all!". 

"I thought you have a nursemaid?".

"We do, but I insist on feeding him with my own milk only. So whenever he awakes at night I'm called for. I would never admit it in front of Babington but I enjoy the lone time where it's just my little Victor and me. That's why I insist". 

"And have you tried to talk to Lady Denham?", Charlotte asked. 

Esther snorted: "You know her well enough to imagine her reaction. She wouldn't hear of it and made my boy drink the ass' milk! The poor one vomited afterwards and she's convinced that he just needs to get used to it. I might be tempted to go back to London with Babington to escape her. But then ... I wouldn't want her to spend the shorter days in winter all by her own", Esther concluded. 

"That's very considerate of you. I wish I could help and offer to have a close look on her while you could relax in London. Yet Sidney, Georgiana and myself will leave for Antigua in January". Charlotte felt miserable to let her friend down. 

"Don't be silly, Charlotte. I wouldn't impose her company on you. She's an old hag. But she's all I have left and I do love her ...somehow", Esther smiled while shrugging. 

Sidney and Babington were still laughing for Babington had told him that Crowe had fled the town. He went back to London to escape Esther's fury. 

"She's very protective and I love that about her. Her fear of not loving the child enough was completely baseless. Yet I do believe she did Crowe wrong. I'm certain he was joking", Babington admitted. 

"Then I hope that Esther will trust him again sometime soon. He has a good heart and I suppose being a godfather could help him grow". 

"He was wonderful with Victor. I caught him twice singing to him. Who knows perhaps he'll settle down himself. Especially now that he got to witness our marital bliss. And speaking of, I've never seen you so happy". 

Sidney blushed slightly. 

"I am infinitely happy. I hadn't known it was possible to fall more in love with Charlotte but I do everyday". 

"Perfect! You deserve to be happy after everything you've been through", Babington smiled broadly. 

Both men enjoyed a drink and returned later to the drawing room to join Esther and Charlotte.   
Sidney couldn't take his eyes off his wife. The way she was with Victor made him hope that she could be a mother soon too. Her eyes shone brightly and her smile never left her face. She seemed at peace when she was holding him. 

"Sidney, we all know how much you love your wife but could you please stop staring at her and listen to the conversation?", Esther mocked him. 

He blushed and smiled at Charlotte who had blushed too. Thankfully dinner was served soon after and the party headed to the dinning room. The food was delicious and the company pleasant. Sidney usually dreaded all sorts of dinner invitations and parties. Often it was a tedious experience. Yet not this time. Not with Charlotte by his side being the perfect hostess. God, this woman made everything better! 

"Don't forget our walk tomorrow", Esther reminded Charlotte. 

She smiled: "Do not fear. I cannot wait to show Victor seashells and spend the day with him and you on the beach!". 

"Good. Because I need every excuse there is to flee Sanditon House. I'll see you tomorrow then", Esther embraced Charlotte and then she and Babington left with their son sleeping in his father's arms. 

Sidney and Charlotte went to the study where he poured each a glass of wine. Then he took a seat in his favourite armchair and Charlotte sat on his lap. 

"How did you like your first evening with guests, Mr. Parker? It was your first as a married man", Charlotte enquired and he saw that she was slightly insecure. 

He took her hand and kissed it tenderly. 

"Better than expected. I used to hate any kind of invitation. Yet I enjoyed myself very much today. Thanks to you. You were perfect ...as always. I love you, Charlotte. So much!", he replied and then pressed his lips on her soft ones. 

After the second lingering kiss he added: "And this dress actually made me think back to the day you showed me how capable you are. I was very impressed and I was so excited to walk on the beach with you after Tom made us go. I had already been unknowingly in love with my Admiral Heywood". 

Charlotte graced him with eyes full of love before she pulled his head closer to her face to kiss him most passionately. 

If it hadn't been Parker's sister he would have declined and stayed in London. But since it was her wedding and he had already accepted the invitation he was on his way back to Sanditon. Unfortunately his carriage had a loose wheel and it couldn't be fixed before he had to leave. Now he was sitting in the coach and dreaded who would keep him company during the ride. Last time he had two men who had thrown up after the first stop.   
He shook himself to make the memory go away. Five minutes until they would depart and no one ascended the coach. A smile spread across his face, happy that he would have the coach to himself. He heard the final call outside and when he believed the coachman to close the door a gloved hand appeared in the door frame and Crowe instinctively offered his hand.   
A firm grip later a woman sat across from him. Her rosy cheeks and ice-blue eyes were the first things to draw his attention. She had a snub nose, thin rosy lips and light brown thick hair. Instead of thanking him she frowned and her eyes pierced his soul. 

"Why are you gazing at me like an idiot?", she had a husky voice which caused goosebumps in Crowe. 

He swallowed and put on his most charming smile.

"Perhaps I like what I see. Francis Crowe at your service", he bowed slightly. 

She snorted: "Of course. You are drunk. No sober man would consider me pretty". 

"I'm no more drunk than usual and I dare say-". 

"Oh Lord! I'm trapped with a drunkard in a coach. This must be a sample of hell then", she exclaimed and then turned away from him. 

Crowe was rather stunned and didn't know what to say.   
Instead he kept staring at her. Something about her intrigued him. She was not a beauty in the common sense. She was rather podgy and her lips too thin for his taste. Yet her eyes, her cute snub nose and the thick hair were the most beautiful to him. And additionally she had a sharp tongue. 

"Stop staring or I'll ask the coachman to seat you outside!", she snapped after their eyes locked. 

"Why would he do that? I paid for my seat inside", he asked her amused. 

"I'd offer more money to get rid of you!". 

"Please, tell me, Miss ....?", he waited for her to introduce herself but instead she turned away again and her gaze remained on the window. 

He sighed and turned away either. It was no good to let a woman get to you. Especially not one that seemed to dislike him so much.   
At some point he must have dozed off for it was the coachman that awoke him at their first stop.   
The horses were fed and Crowe decided to eat a light meal too. A vegetable soup and fresh baked bread were served and he enjoyed his meal though he wondered were his fellow passenger was. It took him a while to realise that she was sitting in a corner with her hood hiding most of her face and eating the same as him. He smiled and when he finished he went outside to smoke and to stretch his legs.   
Soon after he had puffed the last puff of his cigarette the coachman called and he ascended the coach. She was already sitting inside and didn't even look up when he got back. Slightly disappointed that she wouldn't acknowledge his presence he sat down and was about to close the door when another gentleman got into the carriage. Crowe nodded to greet the other man and soon after the coach took off.   
After five minutes Crowe found himself quite angry. The other gentleman was obese and had a hungry expression in his eyes whenever he looked at her. Instead of taking a seat next to Crowe he had chosen to sit next to the lady which was highly improper!   
Moreover his hand rested dangerously close to her knee. She had tried to sit as far away from him as possible but he came closer and closer. 

"Tell me, why is such a ...delicious woman travelling alone? I can keep you some company if you know what I mean", the man spoke and licked his lips. 

Before she could answer Crowe spoke up. 

"You're mistaken, Sir. My dear fiancée is travelling with me. You may wonder why she chose to sit there instead of next to me but since her poor maid got sick and couldn't travel with us, we decided to let propriety reside. Yet now I see that my beautiful bride to be may as well sit next to me to prevent her from being hit on by other men. Come here, my dear". 

Crowe offered his hand and held his breath. He was about to let his hand sink again when she just sat there staring at him in disbelief. Eventually she composed herself and put on the sweetest smile. 

"Of course, my dear Francis", she said but Crowe didn't miss the mocking tone in her voice. 

Yet hearing her use his Christian name made his heart suddenly beat faster. She took his hand and in one movement came to sit next to him. She let go of his hand too soon for his taste and she had left a rather generous space between them on the coach bench.   
The man looked perplexed first and then fell asleep after fifteen minutes, snoring loudly. 

"I do not need your help! I had to deal with men like him my whole life", she suddenly spoke in a low but cutting voice. 

"I think the words you meant to say are 'Thank you' and you are very welcome", Crowe replied cheekily.   
She ignored him and he continued: "So, I believe it is time to tell me your name, don't you think? After all we are to be married". 

He winked and she snorted in response. 

"Even if you were the last man available I would NEVER marry you! I would NEVER fall for a drunkard!", she shouted and then turned away again. 

Her anger made him speechless and he decided to remain silent.   
Thankfully at the next stop the obese gentleman descended and she went back to her initial seat.   
The stop after this one would be Sanditon and Crowe had to fight his urge of taking a sip from his flask. If he had the bad luck of meeting Esther Babington he would rather be sober. Last time he saw her he was convinced that she would have loved to murder him. Since Victor's birth she reminded him of a lioness protecting the ones she loved by all means. It suited her though he disliked being the object of her fury. At least she made his friend happy. Babington was a good lad and deserved a loving wife and a bunch of children to fill his house with laughter. As did Parker. Crowe was curious to hear if little Miss Heywood was indeed a handful in bed. Though if he intended to live any longer he would never ask that question aloud. Surely Parker would punch him this time!   
He chuckled to himself for having two lost friends who may never enjoy the liberty of choosing who they spend the night with and who couldn't carouse as much as they pleased without the consent of their wives.   
Crowe knew that no woman would ever have so much power over him to make him leave this pleasing life behind to lead a boring one.   
Eventually they arrived in Sanditon and when Crowe descended and wanted to offer the lady his help she ignored his hand and jumped out of the coach.   
Then she recognised someone and ran into his arms. It was Frederick Milford who seemed to have been waiting for her with Arthur Parker. 

"Thank Lord, you're here. I feared that I'd have to ask that drunkard for directions!", she exclaimed with a shaking voice while she pointed to him. 

Mr. Milford and Arthur Parker looked up and both greeted him with a nod. 

"Mr. Crowe? He's harmless even when he's drunk, dear cousin", Mr. Milford clarified. 

"You KNOW him actually?", she asked shocked. 

"Indeed I do. Lavinia, he is the best friend of Mr. Sidney Parker, the bride's brother". 

"Oh no! So he will be attending the wedding too? Wonderful!", she rolled her eyes which made Mr. Milford and Arthur laugh. 

"Come now, Lavinia, let's get you settled". 

They were about leave when Crowe decided to embarrass her. He never cared for his reputation and he truly loved to drink ...but being more than once called a drunkard in such a snarky tone sparked his anger. Especially when he had actually been the perfect gentleman and had offered her protection from that repulsive creature! 

"Lavinia dear, will you not say goodbye to your fiance? Even if our engagement lasted only two hours".

He enjoyed her shocked expression and then left without waiting for her response. What an arrogant person she was! Judging him without even knowing him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this chapter may be too focused on Crowe. I hope you still enjoy it 🙃


End file.
